Taskmaster 1x6

1. Argh!

2. Hello. I'm Greg Davies and this is Taskmaster. But what is Taskmaster?

3. Well, it's a chance for me to flex my massive comedic muscles.

4. And for some other smaller comedians to undertake

5. some fatuous yet fantastical tasks for me.

6. It's basically a comedy food chain. Let's meet them now.

7. He's looked exactly the same for nearly 60 years.

8. I've seen baby pictures. It's weird.

9. It's the legend that is Mr Frank Skinner!

10. When he reached the age of 12, he thought,

11. "Yeah, I'm sticking with this."

12. It's Josh Widdicombe!

13. After a party at my house, I found this comedian asleep on my sofa,

14. with 14 penises drawn on her face.

15. Roisin Conaty!

16. Quite simply, a lovely, kind man. Probably my favourite.

17. Really the loveliest of all the contestants. Mr Romesh Ranganathan!

18. Finally, a man who's earned a great deal of respect

19. in the comedy industry,

20. but often lets himself down in social situations. Mr Tim Key!

21. And as ever, to my left and to your right

22. is my very personal assistant Alex Horne. Hello.

23. Alex, let's start the show

24. with some traditional high-level banter between us.

25. OK, I've been practising. OK. Ready? Yeah.

26. Phwoar. Phwoar. Is that banter? What's banter?

27. What, saying "Phwoar" to me?

28. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know.

29. I literally don't know.

30. It gets much better than this, guys.

31. It doesn't always.

32. Alex, what's the first task?

33. The first task, Greg, is the prize task.

34. As ever, the comedians have been asked to bring in

35. some of their own possessions for the prize haul.

36. You'll be judging which of their possessions

37. is the best, and they'll get points for that.

38. You've asked them to bring in their most satisfying item.

39. Let's get some points going.

40. Tim, what did you bring in that's satisfying?

41. I've made a fish chowder.

42. There is nothing more comforting to me

43. than the awful retching that's brought on by fish poisoning.

44. Tim, when did you make it?

45. I made it on Sunday. Oh, gosh!

46. Oh, man. This was made on Sunday. It's now Wednesday.

47. You're not wanting me to... eat this, right? No, no, no.

48. Oh, yes.

49. Yes, please, Greg. That's why we came - to see you shit yourself.

50. It smells nice.

51. Yeah, I mean, not exactly the reaction I was after.

52. The only way to judge how comforting this is

53. is to eat it and to see if I feel comforted.

54. I'm not prepared to that... but my assistant is.

55. Thank you, Greg.

56. But I don't understand.

57. That's my cooking!

58. It's really nice. It's really... It's very satisfying. Yeah?

59. Yeah, really satisfying. I would say that's a satisfying chowder.

60. OK, great. Will he puke? Won't he puke? Will he puke?

61. Yeah, well, I'm allergic to fish, so...

62. If he is ill, don't worry. I'll tell everyone Romesh made it.

63. So... Romesh...

64. what have you brought in that's comforting?

65. I have brought in... my vape mod.

66. That is the top-of-the-range tank you can see there.

67. It counts how many puffs you've taken.

68. You can change the wattage and ampage of the puffs.

69. And you can also charge your mobile phone from it. Wow, yeah.

70. It's pretty satisfying.

71. Can you really charge your mobile phone from it?

72. Yes. It's got a USB connection.

73. So easily pleased. "Can you really charge a mobile phone from it?"

74. The only way that that's going to be a satisfying thing to bring in

75. is if I'm addicted to nicotine. Lucky for you, I am.

76. What's so great about it is it stops you smoking

77. and you feel like you're giving RoboCop a blowy.

78. It's great.

79. Roisin, what have you brought in that is satisfying?

80. Well, what I find really satisfying and comforting is a head massage.

81. There's a tool you can get, it's called the Orgasmatron.

82. Oh, my God, that's amazing! And you do that to yourself.

83. And it is the nicest feeling in the world.

84. It's so good. It's sort of a robot massager, isn't it?

85. I imagine you can't wait to get stuck into that, Romesh.

86. I tell you what... I get the vape thing, get that, I've got a weekend.

87. What have you brought in, Josh?

88. I spent three months of my life

89. completing the 2014 World Cup Sticker Album.

90. Oh, my God!

91. They're all there, they're all in order, they're all in place,

92. they're all aligned.

93. Not the best photo to show it off, really.

94. Frank, what did you bring us that's satisfying?

95. This is a stressful age we live in, so I brought in an anti-stress ball.

96. Shut up. I'm getting four grand for this.

97. When you squeeze it, as one does the stress ball,

98. it has a noise. Would you like to hear the noise?

99. Oh, more than anything.

100. Calm down, dude. Calm down, dude.

101. So in other words...

102. ..it's a dead man's voice in a sphere.

103. I'm gonna make a quick decision on this,

104. so that we can crack on with the show.

105. Roisin, I don't want to massage myself.

106. Then Frank Skinner will be there,

107. because I don't want to hear a voice of a dead man.

108. Then I'm going to put Romesh in,

109. because it was supposed to be generally satisfying,

110. and there's only a few losers here who are addicted to nicotine.

111. You're one of 'em, mate.

112. That didn't go as well as I hoped.

113. I thought, go aggressive. You didn't go with me, you know.

114. It's backfired. I look like a prick now.

115. It's difficult, isn't it? It's difficult.

116. He spent eight hours on his chowder.

117. I spent three months, swapping with other grown adults.

118. To be fair, mine said halibut and I used salmon.

119. The trouble is, Josh, it's really impressive what you did.

120. But the last time I was interested in a football album was in 1982,

121. and that's not cos I like football -

122. it was to impress a boy called Philip.

123. Anyone who makes me a lovingly prepared fish dish

124. is gonna win this task.

125. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the first task is Mr Tim Key.

126. This is the sixth show of the series.

127. I've got the total of points so far.

128. Roisin's on 60, Tim's on 70, Frank, 77, Romesh on 81,

129. despite not winning a show.

130. Josh is the leader so far on 85. Remarkable.

131. And there, ladies and gentlemen, just so you can witness them,

132. are all the satisfying prizes up there in that box.

133. Whoever wins at the end of this show will head up there

134. and celebrate wildly and take them all home.

135. Let's get on with the first proper task of the night. Here we go.

136. FRANK CHUCKLES

137. Well, that's a T and an M.

138. "Get the lowest golf score using eggs."

139. "You must complete the five holes using chicken's eggs."

140. "Your score will be calculated as follows -

141. "shots times eggs times minutes."

142. "Your time starts... now."

143. Do I need to use this...? A club, oh, yeah.

144. And if you're wondering who knows least about the game of golf...

145. that question is answered by another question -

146. the question, "Do I have to use a club?"

147. I imagine Mr Skinner knows a bit about golf.

148. I have played golf in the past.

149. I've played with Bing Crosby back in '34.

150. And I'm morally opposed to the whole game as a vegan.

151. Yeah?

152. You weren't that morally opposed - you did it immediately.

153. I hoped that I could go around without damaging any eggs.

154. And I thought that would sort of sidestep the issue.

155. Do you wanna have a look?

156. I seem to remember that if you hit on the point of the egg,

157. they don't break.

158. That was incorrect.

159. Shit. Shit!

160. You have to hit them a bit harder as they bleed.

161. Oh, come on!

162. Are you allowed to sort of sweep your way through it in golf?

163. Ooh!

164. That club's a bit eggy.

165. Oof!

166. I don't even know if morally I'm allowed to do this.

167. It's impossible, this one.

168. What's a windmill got to do with it?

169. You're in my way, windmill!

170. I wonder if that'll go over.

171. I'm done.

172. Any more eggs? I've got three eggs left to this and that?

173. Otherwise there might not be any eggs left in the world.

174. Which was the problem hole for you?

175. I think it might be the one that I used over two dozen eggs on, maybe.

176. Just off the top of my head, that probably is.

177. You would have noticed it,

178. but one genuinely amazing chip shot there.

179. Roisin continued to beautifully caress the egg around the course.

180. And then the vegan lost his mind, didn't he?

181. Why do you hate chickens so much? I don't hate chickens.

182. Explain that to your community.

183. The vegan community.

184. Listen, it was a really upsetting day for me.

185. I don't know how many eggs I lost.

186. Well, you took 68 shots, 14 minutes 20 and 36 eggs.

187. Which adds up to 35,088 points, but we ran out of eggs.

188. I asked for more eggs, but I was denied more eggs.

189. Yeah, because we were worried about the chicken community dying out.

190. A lot of people like chicken.

191. How do we score this?

192. Do we think if most of the egg gets in the hole, that's counted?

193. That's exactly what you should ask yourself.

194. I'll do that now.

195. Greg...

196. Yes?

197. Yeah, OK, if most of the egg gets in, I think it's counted.

198. The par is three.

199. If you can get it round with one egg, one minute per hole,

200. three shots per hole, you get a score of about 15.

201. Eggs times minutes times shots.

202. So, Frank you took 32 shots, seven minutes and five eggs.

203. You got a score of 1,096.

204. Have you played golf before, Rois? No. She did pretty well.

205. Roisin took 40 shots in just four minutes, using six eggs.

206. She got 1,000 points.

207. Some of those shots did last for 35 seconds.

208. They were very... very long. Very long shots.

209. It's break time now. So do what you gotta do.

210. We'll see you when you're finished.

211. Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,

212. the place where comedians are playing for an Orgasmatron,

213. a slow-cooked meal or a stress reliever.

214. Shall we see some more?

215. Yeah, so Tim and Josh did it in a slightly different way.

216. Can I go in and boil an egg?

217. I've used two eggs.

218. I've gotta boil the eggs, haven't I? I'm boiling the eggs.

219. From what I remember, it's three minutes. Come on!

220. Hang on.

221. I don't know what you're doing. I know what I'm doing.

222. Oh!

223. This one's got a slight leak. Just play the game.

224. I wonder whether I could have boiled them for longer.

225. Slight egg issues. But it's in.

226. Oh, this is the big one.

227. More confidence needed.

228. I'm done.

229. Boiling the eggs. Sportsman-like, do you think?

230. I don't think there's any rules against it in golf.

231. I guess you can boil your balls, right?

232. In certain climates, yeah.

233. Yeah, also, you only boiled them for two and a half minutes. So they...

234. Should you be penalised for bad boiling?

235. You can't have it both ways!

236. And were you expecting some points for that tiny bit of shell

237. you got into one of the holes?

238. Earlier on you said, "Any egg that gets in the hole

239. "counts as in the hole." All right.

240. If we're happy, then Josh took 42 shots in 21 minutes

241. cos of the boiling problems.

242. And he used seven eggs, so you scored about 6,000 points, just over.

243. Tim, 39 shots, ten minutes, three eggs, 1,200 points.

244. So if we're all happy with the rules, which we're not...

245. .. then it would go Roisin, Frank, Tim... Are you serious?

246. I'm just looking at this face - he's so cross.

247. Well, I didn't sort of say it at the time,

248. because I thought I was gonna run away with this one.

249. But looking at it again, Roisin just swept them.

250. Sweeping's not what... I didn't sweep the whole time.

251. You swept most of the time! No, I didn't! I didn't crack an egg.

252. And the big ones I got over quite easily.

253. I think you're all shit at golf.

254. It was my first go.

255. How are you smashing eggs like that?

256. It sounds like even professional golf players

257. are shit at golf.

258. OK, I'm the only one who didn't break the egg on the ramp.

259. So if you're looking for golf skills...

260. She always pings her bra when she's pleased with herself.

261. It's one of her things. No, I'm happy with you winning.

262. How come I've got the lowest points? You didn't break any eggs.

263. But surely I should have 6,000 points, then?

264. No, no, no. The lowest is better.

265. No, let's listen to Roisin.

266. Give her the... She's absolutely right.

267. I wanna see her ping her bra again. Let's give her the highest amount.

268. Basically what we're saying in this game

269. is that there are no rules in our version of golf.

270. It just feels really weird that I haven't won that.

271. Tim, you put it in the tennis ball,

272. but you were very bad at getting the tennis ball into the hole,

273. cos the tennis ball was bigger than the hole.

274. So quite often it went over the hole.

275. You took almost the most shots, just behind Romesh.

276. I think we should score this according to... Who's won.

277. Who's won. Good idea, yeah. OK, let's do it.

278. In that case, Roisin Conaty's the winner.

279. Roisin Conaty wins!

280. How the scores looking, Alex?

281. So Frank, Roisin and Josh are all on six points.

282. Tim Key's on eight points, in the lead.

283. What's next, Alex? There is a team task now.

284. So in the team task, we've actually put the contestants into two teams.

285. We've put the three in the middle, Josh, Roisin and Romesh,

286. as one team because their age adds up to 100,

287. as does the other two.

288. Let's see how they get on.

289. Thank you. Hello, Alex.

290. "Stage a realistic blooper from a home movie."

291. "The Taskmaster will give points to the best film-makers.

292. "You have one hour. The time starts now."

293. Got it.

294. Why you sitting on the sofa? What are you doing? Just thinking.

295. How are you on a unicycle?

296. OK, so this is what I wanted them to do.

297. I wanted them to do a blooper film,

298. because those are the things that I find funniest in life.

299. The film that I think is the funniest,

300. I'll give two points to each person in the team.

301. And the other people get nothing. Simple. What about effort?

302. Absolutely not taken into consideration whatsoever.

303. OK. Just to be clear. Who are we gonna see first, Alex?

304. Do you want to start with the children? Yes, please.

305. OK. Do one of you want to introduce the film? Yeah. Go on, then, Josh.

306. This film is like a look backstage

307. in what it was like to make Taskmaster.

308. What could possibly go wrong? Behind the scenes of Taskmaster.

309. Just before we roll, just let Romesh do his jazz hands one more time.

310. Behind the scenes of Taskmaster.

311. Can we have a look at it? OK, here it is.

312. This is just behind the scenes of...

313. Romesh will do a task where he's about to start.

314. Have you done this one? Hundreds and thousands, yeah.

315. Count the hundreds and thousands. It's really fun.

316. It's a great task. They're already having a debate

317. that we had the other day about whether it's hundreds or thousands.

318. Oh. Shall we go and...?

319. Let's go and see how they're getting on.

320. Yeah, but is this a hundred or is it a thousand?

321. Are you serious?

322. A lot of banter. This is the kind of banter we have.

323. DEBATE CONTINUES

324. Hit his arse!

325. This here - is it a hundred or a thousand?

326. Hit his arse!

327. I was joking!

328. I've got cake on my face.

329. Sorry. I'm sorry.

330. Alex. It's me. I told him. I'm so sorry. I...

331. Ooh!

332. I'm so sorry. I told him to...

333. I think that was good.

334. That is without question the worst acting

335. I've seen committed to a film... ever.

336. What? Alex's fall?

337. No, Alex was great in it. But what acting?

338. What about us? We're as natural as the day is long.

339. I think I went too far into it.

340. I was too method - that's what ruined it.

341. Too method? It was absolutely incredible.

342. And this brings us on to my second problem with your film.

343. The funny stuff, unfortunately for you,

344. was mainly done by my assistant.

345. Why hasn't Widdicombe got pie all over his face?

346. Because he had to take part in the narrative.

347. The narrative needed us to be in it.

348. And Alex... I mean, he's very good PA. A real blooper.

349. Sounds very much like there are three people sitting over there

350. who aren't gonna win £200.

351. Well, I'd hate to be those guys.

352. And how did you feel about...?

353. Well, I was very pleased with my performance.

354. But when I saw it back, the camera work... You kind of miss the fall.

355. You missed the fall into the pool.

356. It's meant to be a blooper, so I couldn't show my best camera moves,

357. cos I'd give the game away. So I had to Blair Witch it.

358. If you go to Blair Witch Project and go,

359. "Oh, this ain't shot very well..." It's meant to look like that.

360. "I couldn't give my best camera moves. I had to Blair Witch it"?

361. So you think the cake is the blooper, right, and you think,

362. "Oh, God, that was bloody funny.

363. "That's probably the best thing I've ever seen. Oh, shit!

364. "Paddling pool out of nowhere! Oh, my days!

365. "That's such a surprising and entertaining blooper.

366. "And if anything, they're almost TOO method

367. "in the way that they carried that out. I thought it was brilliant.

368. "That's what I think about that." That should be your reaction.

369. I would have probably got to those layers,

370. but I was too busy with, "Ah, there's this really bad acting.

371. "Ooh, they're not doing it themselves.

372. "Ooh, they've missed the actual accident."

373. It is a lot shitter than I thought it was gonna look.

374. That is the honest truth.

375. When I watched it, I thought this must be

376. some off-cuts version of the thing.

377. And then I waited for the reveal and then there was none,

378. and then we had to defend that dog shit.

379. And I feel I gave an impassioned speech,

380. but I didn't believe a word of it. It was...

381. I agree with Romesh.

382. We're taking a quick break now. But don't hold that against us.

383. See you in a minute.

384. Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,

385. where someone will soon be getting satisfied in the Royal Box.

386. Can we see how the old people did?

387. OK. The grown-ups did this film.

388. Hey, Brad, be careful on that ladder, mate.

389. Jeff, mate, I know what I'm doing. I do this every year.

390. You know they're coming at three o'clock? What time is now?

391. Well... Oh!

392. Jeff! Jeff! Honestly, mate. Don't laugh at me, Jeff.

393. Oh, what a mug!

394. You get on with doing the fruit salad, mate.

395. I'd be careful on there, you know. It's quite wobbly.

396. I'm all right, thank you.

397. Ah, ah!

398. Hey, you all right, Brad? Brad!

399. Oh, God. What?

400. I'll get help. I'll get help!

401. That was brilliant!

402. Wow. Wow.

403. Well, I tell you what, it's gonna be a borderline decision.

404. Oh, I mean, incredible.

405. The first thing I want to know is, I wanna know about Brad and Jeff.

406. I wanna know something of those guys' back story.

407. Well, it's something they do every year.

408. And every year, there's a... These guys!

409. Every year they think it's gonna go fine.

410. And every year there's a bloody calamity.

411. Oh, God. I mean, it's an absolutely incredible stunt.

412. The stunt was amazing. You could just see how it was done,

413. if you pause it at a certain point. I don't think this spoils it,

414. but if you have a look at this, you can just see how the stunt was done.

415. You're not telling me that was an illusion?

416. I'll get help! I'll get help!

417. We thought, wouldn't it be... even more special

418. if the blooper film had got a blooper in it?

419. I mean, they were both fantastic efforts, but...

420. Well, you're half-right.

421. We all know where this is going, guys, right?

422. Brad and Jeff are our winners!

423. What are the current scores, Alex?

424. So the elder people are in the lead.

425. Frank is in second on eight. Tim has ten points.

426. What does the next task involve, Alex?

427. It involves cooking and spelling. Let's have a look.

428. I'm looking for the Taskmaster. Oh, this is nice.

429. "Make the best meal for the Taskmaster..."

430. ".. using ingredients beginning with every letter of the alphabet."

431. "You have a total of two hours. Your time starts now."

432. Thanks for that.

433. Oh, write down what I want, and then you go to the shops.

434. Ooh!

435. Two hours? Effort, innit?

436. "Looking for the Taskmaster." Do you want to explain that?

437. Or are you all right? I've been watching a lot of westerns.

438. Quite a challenge - every letter of the alphabet.

439. Let's go straight into it. Who are we seeing first?

440. All five of them for the very first time planning their meals.

441. Well, I'll do the difficult letters first.

442. Q? Q?

443. I need to think of something that starts with Q.

444. How do you spell kumquat?

445. Q-U-I-N-O-A. That's not right.

446. Who's eating it? I'm tasting it. All right.

447. B's a sod. B, B, B...

448. It's gonna be a nightmare for Romesh, isn't it?

449. I'm in a bit of a dilemma here because I'm a vegan.

450. Bacon.

451. Are you even allowed to write the word bacon?

452. Yes, I'm allowed to write the word bacon.

453. P's a real... real great food letter. Pepperoni, peppers...

454. Pizza. Pizza.

455. Z. Tough one, innit?

456. Zucchini you would have as part of a roast dinner, wouldn't you?

457. Zebra. But I've already got parrot.

458. God, this is hard.

459. One good idea for a dessert is a fruit salad.

460. Grapes, orange, some kiwi. Watermelon.

461. I love a bit of watermelon.

462. I mean, it's not just me that's tempted by Double Decker.

463. OK. Tell you what - get rid of the bacon. Get some facon.

464. Rabbit soup. I'm imagining the two ears out the top.

465. U? Um Bongo.

466. Wine.

467. How do you spell ouzo?

468. Tequila.

469. That just leaves me with the X.

470. There's no ingredients that begin with X. Except Triple X Mints.

471. There's nothing in the world beginning with X.

472. Xylophone.

473. Extra large. But I don't really want anything that big.

474. So it'll be a small thing that I want an extra large version of.

475. Grape?

476. Romesh, the vegan, you replaced meat with facon, right? Yeah.

477. You still had eggs and ice cream.

478. Yeah, what I thought was I'd compromise by including dairy items.

479. But I didn't go the whole... hog, as it were.

480. Oh, man!

481. Are we gonna see their individual VTs?

482. We are. We're gonna start with Roisin. OK.

483. 35 years on this planet and never cooked a yam.

484. OK.

485. Ooh, you're in for a feast.

486. And a tin of meatballs, no less.

487. It's like the colour of a body you'd find in the woods.

488. Oh, no. That was stressful.

489. You're in for a bloody treat.

490. Shit the bed!

491. Thank you, Roisin.

492. Here we go.

493. It's all right. It's quite... It's got a kick.

494. The sausage is undercooked.

495. No, it's been in there for 25 minutes.

496. Oh, that's it - overcooked.

497. It's definitely edible. I like it.

498. You like it? Are you serious?

499. It's quite nice. Now the main course.

500. And what is this pizza called?

501. Taaaskmaster. The Taskmaster.

502. No, that's not how I said it.

503. So Roisin has served me the Taaaskmaster pizza.

504. The goat's cheese and the anchovies, they're a powerful combination.

505. It looks appalling.

506. What's the name of the cocktail? Cocktail.

507. I almost feel like I don't have to drink it, because of the smell.

508. That's enough.

509. I like Cocktail. Thank you, Roisin. Hey, you're welcome.

510. How did she do ingredients-wise? There was a lot.

511. There was a moment when she said, "What are yams?"

512. And the Q was for quinoa. Quinoa. Quinoa.

513. Quinoa? Quinoa.

514. What is the flavour of quinoa? Horrible. I enjoyed the texture,

515. but I was surprised that it wasn't more disgusting.

516. I mean, everyone was surprised.

517. I boiled it all in one pot - the sausages and the quinoa.

518. How many of the letters did she actually successfully...?

519. She used all of them if you include U for umbrella.

520. I did a cocktail umbrella.

521. I had to have a cocktail umbrella. I was giving him a cocktail.

522. Yeah, that's true. The cocktail was made of Vermouth and red wine.

523. Ooh, my word!

524. Classic.

525. And the great thing is that globally in cocktail menus,

526. the name Cocktail has not been used.

527. It hasn't. No, it hasn't. It hasn't! I don't think it has, has it?

528. It hasn't. Do you want to see another pizza? Yeah, I do.

529. OK, well this is nearly a pizza from Josh.

530. Oh, fuck off!

531. After Eights. I can snack on these throughout the process.

532. Do you want an After Eight?

533. Treat myself now.

534. Just spread that around.

535. Could you take your sock off, please?

536. Je ne sais quoi, as they say in Italy.

537. Can I join you?

538. I'd love that. Thank you, Josh. No, thank you.

539. I'm just gonna go for a little clump of... Garlicky bread.

540. Garlicky bread, rather than garlic bread?

541. Very garlicky bread.

542. Let's have a look at this quad colour salad.

543. Mmm. It's nice. And then you hit the nectarine and it's confusing.

544. So, the pizza, you're saying thin and crispy.

545. Hmm. It looks like a pizza, and then you eat it

546. and it tastes like a lot of ingredients on a wrap.

547. That is what pizza is, mate.

548. Dusting of Double Decker and KitKat and Jammy Dodger.

549. Oh, yeah. You're in for a treat.

550. I mean, it's very minty.

551. The dusting tastes like dust. It's the dusting.

552. So, it's very... very nice. Well, thank you, Josh.

553. And it's sort of just like watching a student cook

554. what he would normally cook.

555. After Eights, KitKats, hundreds and thousands,

556. Double Deckers and Jammy Dodgers.

557. Am I right thinking you put some crushed mints there somewhere?

558. Yeah, I got some Triple X mints.

559. One of those new novelty-themed restaurants.

560. "If you just pop your sock off, sir,

561. "I'm gonna crush some mints up in it."

562. We thought the mints worked very well.

563. I did, yeah. It was a good meal.

564. He very nearly put Night Nurse in it. But...

565. Let's have a look at Romesh.

566. He's got to be more creative - look at him.

567. If I tell you the look is more realistic than the flavour,

568. that's gonna give you an idea.

569. Oh...!

570. Oh, for fuck's sake!

571. HE PLAYS A TUNE

572. Thank you.

573. Weirdly... this is quite nice.

574. The focaccia's perfect. Just instinct I worked on with that.

575. He's made it look awful, and then the taste is so surprising.

576. Yeah, but look at all the colours and everything.

577. I'll have a bit of ouzo.

578. All the senses were involved.

579. Bit of a headache, and so by the time I was eating it,

580. it just sort of didn't really taste of anything.

581. Party Party Fruit Salad.

582. It's lovely. Thank you for the meal. Thank you.

583. Well, the first thing is, I've been totally won round

584. by the inclusion of xylophone now.

585. Because I've forgotten how important creating the right atmosphere

586. in a lovely restaurant is.

587. And what I want before I eat is to be just incredibly irritated.

588. I just thought it was sort of nice to sort of...

589. provide this kind of soundscape.

590. Soundscape? Get over yourself!

591. How did it taste? It was pretty good. There was no meat,

592. so it wasn't very nice. But it was...

593. And they were supposed to be making meals for me, not for themselves.

594. And I'm a meat-eater, so...

595. And, you have already decimated the chicken community,

596. so what does it matter?

597. I don't know how to cook meat. I never cook with meat,

598. so I didn't want to put you under any risk.

599. I was doing it for your own safety.

600. And I was trying to help you sort of live a more ethical life.

601. Do you want to see a man cook meat? I wanna see a man deal with meat.

602. That man did it.

603. It just never occurred to me that it would have things like a skeleton.

604. What if I cut a centre section in the steak

605. and then use that to house the hollandaise potato?

606. They look like they could possibly be wheels.

607. Hi. Hello.

608. Here it is. Let me just... This is Watercress Down.

609. Watercress Down? Nice to conjure up the image of the rabbit.

610. Hmm. Tastes like honest food.

611. It's artisan. Yeah.

612. But also if you got served it during the war, you'd understand.

613. I'm gonna say that's a...

614. I like any dish where you know which way up it should be.

615. Well, exactly. It helps. A bit of zucchini wheel.

616. Hollandaise cargo. It cut through it all right.

617. I think you'll find it's nicely done.

618. The cargo was exceptional. OK, so the penultimate course.

619. Ugli fruit and vegetable salad.

620. Hmm. First of all, ugli fruit is the same as grapefruit, taste-wise.

621. The same thing. The fennel has a horrible texture.

622. But the taste is admirable and a welcome surprise.

623. Bear in mind it's called an ugli fruit and vegetable salad, so...

624. No, you've done exactly that. It's ugly in the mouth.

625. When you think it's all over, this comes along.

626. So presentation-wise, it's exceptional.

627. I mean, that's lovely Edam. Nothing's let you down.

628. It's an excellent meal. Thank you, Frank. Thank you.

629. I've changed my mind about the music,

630. because that's how to present a xylophone.

631. That's incredible. It looked like a genuinely delicious meal.

632. We've got a picture of the whole meal.

633. Can we have a look at the whole thing?

634. And the main dish was called Beef au Vin, so there was a pun as well.

635. Because it looked like a van.

636. Lovely. There was a pun in every name.

637. Cheesy Music. Beef au Vin. Watercress Down.

638. So much texture in that meal.

639. It's very, very different to Tim's.

640. I mean, this is the last task of the series, and for good reason.

641. Tim's was... It was what it was. It was what it was.

642. What I want to cook is rabbit in white wine sauce.

643. What I'm going to cook is rabbit in red wine and tequila and Um Bongo.

644. This is gonna be good.

645. I wish I'd got some pasta.

646. Oh, God. I'm now making pasta.

647. Oh, God!

648. Dog food... ravioli.

649. I'm gonna throw up.

650. This is pheasant.

651. Very gamey. That tastes nice. Really?

652. So, the letters... We've got the D for the dog food,

653. Q for quince.

654. There's obviously K for Kettle Chips... in the pasta.

655. As well as A for All Bran. C for cheese spread.

656. You don't like it, do you?

657. Not easy. It's not meant to be easy.

658. So I've done it.

659. "I've done it" isn't a very nice thing to say.

660. The pasta was the problem, if anything.

661. It was very thick and hairy.

662. You can see the hairs in it. I don't know what the hairs are from.

663. I'll have a little bit of the drink. So, some Um Bongo fizzy ice cubes...

664. .. Yop and tequila.

665. It basically is Malibu. That's lovely. OK, so the pie now.

666. And that's either rabbit or zebra.

667. That's less good, that one. That one didn't taste nice.

668. If somebody served this to you,

669. you would not remain in contact with them. I've served it to you.

670. And so it ends.

671. I think what impressed about Frank's was the aesthetics of the meal.

672. So, it would be lovely if we could see if Tim's nailed that as well.

673. If we can have a look at it.

674. There was grapefruit in every course.

675. You called it... Do you remember the whole meal?

676. You called the meal Citric Faeces. That was the title.

677. Am I right in thinking that every course was a main course?

678. It was very mediaeval.

679. But then it had Um Bongo and All Bran.

680. Yeah, I mean I don't wanna put words in your mouth,

681. but you've got to admire my ambition.

682. He made his own pasta out of nachos. It...

683. Man, it's difficult, because yours was petrifying

684. and I like to be frightened when I eat.

685. I just love the first thing that you said to him -

686. "This was actually quite tasty." And the chef went, "Really?"

687. It's up to you which you think is the best meal.

688. It's a difficult one. The two pizzas going in last.

689. The absolute lunacy of Mr Tim Key's going in third.

690. Romesh is in second. Simple as that.

691. I mean clearly the best meal there, by a country mile,

692. was Mr Frank Skinner - the winner.

693. All right!

694. Marvellous!

695. And a special round of applause for Mr Alex Horne, of course.

696. Very much going beyond the assistant's role there.

697. First the paddling pool and now eating dog food.

698. Oh, I forgot about that. I should have marked you down. Too late.

699. See you after the break, everyone.

700. Welcome back to the fourth part of Taskmaster,

701. where one of these comedians will be walking away with

702. what they came with. And some other rubbish.

703. Firstly I'd like to ask you, what are the scores at this stage?

704. Good question. So, Romesh is in third on eight points,

705. but the two people who could win it still are Tim and Frank,

706. who are both on 13 points.

707. And also, anyone can still win the series.

708. Except for Roisin and Tim. OK.

709. They're all wearing gloves.

710. Can you, Alex, read out the task, please?

711. OK. Wearing boxing gloves, put the blue sweets in the empty bowl.

712. Most blue sweets wins.

713. Non-blue sweets will be subtracted from your total.

714. You have 100 seconds.

715. Can the floor get fucked up?

716. It doesn't say... Yeah, it doesn't say whether the floor

717. can get fucked up or not. Right. I've got my system.

718. Can you read it again, please?

719. Oh, get over your... If you've seen The Crystal Maze,

720. it's a similar thing, but with Smarties and boxing gloves.

721. No, I don't want you paraphrasing it.

722. I wanna hear the actual task.

723. Wearing boxing gloves, Romesh, put the blue sweets in the empty bowl.

724. OK? Oh, OK, yeah. Most blue sweets wins.

725. Non-blue sweets will be subtracted from your total.

726. I'm sorry, Greg. Can I just quickly say... I've got a cool technique.

727. OK, well, I mean, the rules are pretty clear to anyone

728. with a brain in their head. When you're ready.

729. OK, good luck, everyone.

730. Cheer for your favourites.

731. Shout some names out for us!

732. That's one. Frank's got one.

733. Frank has one. Frank Skinner has one!

734. There's a pink one there. There's loads of pink.

735. We will take away the non-blue ones from your total.

736. Yeah, but it will still be more than what anyone else will have,

737. cos I'll have the whole bowl in there.

738. Yes, but you'll have more non-blue than blue. I'm willing to chance it.

739. This is looking pretty good. That's pretty good.

740. That is pretty impressive.

741. Tim's bowl is still empty. You have 50 seconds, Tim.

742. 48 now.

743. AUDIENCE ENCOURAGES THEM

744. 25 seconds. 25 seconds. This is my new bowl.

745. 25 seconds. 25 seconds.

746. Ten seconds! Ten seconds.

747. It's over.

748. Alex, add up the blue sweets. Everyone join me down here.

749. Let's see how that's affected the final scores.

750. Wonderful semi-competent work from everyone.

751. What were the final scores?

752. Well, amazingly, Roisin got 428 blue sweets into her bowl. Whoa!

753. She also got 2,571 non-blue sweets. So she scored minus 2,143.

754. Neck and neck.

755. Josh, you got 23 blues, but 13 non-blue.

756. So you scored ten. Frank, 12 blues, one wrong. 11.

757. Romesh, 22 blues and ten non-blues. You scored 12.

758. Tim Key, 21 blues and no non-blues.

759. Quite a victory. How you feeling?

760. Good. What does that do to the scores?

761. Well, that's what we're about to find out.

762. Wow! What does that do to the scores?

763. So you can see that Tim Key has won his first episode of Taskmaster.

764. But not only is that the end of the show,

765. it's also the end of the series.

766. And so it seems only right to find out which contestant

767. won the most points over all the episodes

768. and to present that person with the inaugural Taskmaster trophy.

769. Alex, do some maths and tell us who is this series' overall winner?

770. There are two people tied in second and third.

771. But as you can see here, the overall winner was Mr Josh Widdicombe!

772. Josh Widdicombe!

773. Josh Widdicombe!

774. And thank you for watching.

775. And remember, the task of the leader is to get the people

776. from where they are to where they have not been.

777. You are my people.

778. Let's go somewhere nice this year.

779. Good night.

780. I'm not saying that this was a last-minute purchase...

781. but why is there a man doing karate on the top?