1. Brace, brace! I'm bracing!Copy !req
2. This program me contains
strong language and adult humour.Copy !req
3. Hmph!Copy !req
4. DRUM THUDS, BELLS JINGLECopy !req
5. No, no, no, no!Copy !req
6. No!Copy !req
7. Ahh!Copy !req
8. What?Copy !req
9. Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Taskmaster.Copy !req
10. The road to Taskmaster victory
is long,Copy !req
11. there are many hurdles,
physically and psychologically.Copy !req
12. Different individuals
respond in different waysCopy !req
13. and sometimes on cameraCopy !req
14. there are those that seem
not to care at all how well they do.Copy !req
15. But do not be fooled.Copy !req
16. One of them came to my
dressing room last night,Copy !req
17. hot tears streaming down their face,Copy !req
18. "I want this more than
I've ever wanted anything before.Copy !req
19. "I want to make my family proud.
Please, Greg.Copy !req
20. "Please don't take this from me,
please.”Copy !req
21. Now, I would never reveal
that person's identity,Copy !req
22. but I'll say this -Copy !req
23. chin up, you're doing fine,Copy !req
24. and don't be silly,Copy !req
25. of course you'll be able to show
your face in Scotland again.Copy !req
26. Let's meet them all now.Copy !req
27. Please give an enormous round
of applause to Frankie Boyle...Copy !req
28. Ivo Graham...Copy !req
29. . Jenny Eclair...Copy !req
30. Kiell Smith-Bynoe...Copy !req
31. and Mae Martin.Copy !req
32. And next to me,
a man who smells his own fartsCopy !req
33. using what he describes
as his guff-and-cup system.Copy !req
34. It's...Copy !req
35. HIGH-PITCHED:. little Alex Horne!Copy !req
36. Hello, hello, hello.Copy !req
37. Hello. Good evening. How are you?Copy !req
38. I am great... Wow.Copy !req
39. for once, and I want to take
an opportunity, if you wouldn't mind,Copy !req
40. an opportunity to thank this man,Copy !req
41. because you get a lot
of stick from peopleCopy !req
42. for being mean to me.Copy !req
43. But you're very nice. Four months
ago, Greg gave me a watch.Copy !req
44. He said "I want to give you this,"Copy !req
45. and he gave me that,
and it's really nice.Copy !req
46. So nice guy.
Aww.Copy !req
47. I mean, I don't know what to do
with this, cos this is just true.Copy !req
48. Nice guy. I haven't got you anything,
but you may do what you may with me.Copy !req
49. Payback for my lovely present.Copy !req
50. Put your tongue out.Copy !req
51. I don't want to.Copy !req
52. OK.Copy !req
53. Come on, then.
Yes, Greg, it's prize task timeCopy !req
54. and this week the category is,Copy !req
55. "The most brilliant thing
that pops up.”Copy !req
56. You'll give five points
to the top of the popsCopy !req
57. and then one of them will be
really happy at the end of the showCopy !req
58. when they win five brilliant things
that pop up.Copy !req
59. Back to you, Pops. Right.Copy !req
60. Obviously, anyone
who's brought a toaster in,Copy !req
61. get ready for no points.Copy !req
62. Ivo, hello. Hello, Greg.Copy !req
63. What's the most brilliant thing
that you've brought in that pops up?Copy !req
64. It's, of course,
the game of Whac-A-MoleCopy !req
65. with a bespoke Taskmaster twist.Copy !req
66. Here it is. He's done this.Copy !req
67. There we are!Copy !req
68. Oh, God. Come on!Copy !req
69. I like it more than
I ever imagined I would.Copy !req
70. Yes!Copy !req
71. Not too proud not
to put myself in the Whac-A-Mole,Copy !req
72. I suffer, as we all shall,
at the hands of the bat.Copy !req
73. Well, it's nice.Copy !req
74. You made the effort
to make it Taskmaster-centricCopy !req
75. and I enjoy that.Copy !req
76. It feels mid-range at this stage.Copy !req
77. The Japanese format of
Whac-A-Mole, Mogura Tataki,Copy !req
78. Mole Smash, is popular worldwide,
and now it's got our faces on it.Copy !req
79. Five points, please.Copy !req
80. Do you want me to enter five points?
I do not.Copy !req
81. Hello, Mae.Copy !req
82. You remember what you said
about toasters?Copy !req
83. But.. bear with me. OK.Copy !req
84. Er, I've brought a Pop-Tart...Copy !req
85. Mm. But no, wait.Copy !req
86. Yeah, this is Mae's
most brilliant thing that pops up.Copy !req
87. On the Pop-Tart is the most
brilliant mind of our time.Copy !req
88. My man, Professor Brian Cox.Copy !req
89. Look at his hair, and...Copy !req
90. Hey, Whac-A-Mole's looking
more attractive.Copy !req
91. Are you a fan of
Professor Brian Cox?Copy !req
92. I think he's fit, yeah.Copy !req
93. No, I respect his mind.Copy !req
94. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
95. All you're
going to see is my burning face.Copy !req
96. How have you never had
an impressions show?Copy !req
97. Jenny. Oh, no.Copy !req
98. You must be feeling
a little bit encouragedCopy !req
99. by Professor Brian Pop-Tart. No.Copy !req
100. Do you like David Bowie? Do 1?7
Yeah. I don't mind him.Copy !req
101. Right, David Bowie would never
have had those big balloon trousersCopy !req
102. had it not been for this bloke
called Oskar Schlemmer, right?Copy !req
103. And he designed the Bauhaus Ballet,
so I have brought for youCopy !req
104. a Bauhaus Ballet pop-up book.Copy !req
105. Here is the book. Yeah.Copy !req
106. Here it comes.Copy !req
107. Pop!Copy !req
108. Ooh.
Oooh...Copy !req
109. Did you hear that noise?
The audience loved it.Copy !req
110. Greg, come on!Copy !req
111. I don't mind it.Copy !req
112. It's interesting, cos the lineage
from Oskar Schlemmer to BowieCopy !req
113. is all in the Bauhaus movement.Copy !req
114. Yeah, that's why these people
came here, Jenny. Yes, indeed.Copy !req
115. They're gagging for Schlemmer!
That's all they want!Copy !req
116. They're Schlemmer crazy,
these people.Copy !req
117. Kiell.Copy !req
118. The most brilliant thing
that pops upCopy !req
119. is obviously one's self.Copy !req
120. And what better thing to pop up on
than a pogo stick?Copy !req
121. Ooh!Copy !req
122. We've found our level.Copy !req
123. Yes. Kiell has popped in
this pogo stick.Copy !req
124. I had a bit of fun.Copy !req
125. My parents genuinely got me
a pogo stick for Christmas.Copy !req
126. I'm 35 years old. I was like,
"Oh, what should I do with it?"Copy !req
127. And they were like,
"Bounce around with your friends."Copy !req
128. You might avoid being bottom
because I used to have a pogo stickCopy !req
129. and I quite liked it,
and that's the only reason.Copy !req
130. I really like the image of you
on a pogo stick.Copy !req
131. I was quite good.Copy !req
132. Got into a nasty accident with Mark.Copy !req
133. Landed on his foot, poor lad.Copy !req
134. Was he one of your students?Copy !req
135. Hi, Frankie.Copy !req
136. You must be feeling
pretty confident here.Copy !req
137. I have brought something
that pops up regularly in my house.Copy !req
138. I've tried to throw it out of my
house, I think, on three occasions,Copy !req
139. and it always returnsCopy !req
140. and I've ended up just hanging it
on the wall in my living room.Copy !req
141. And it is
this very sinister painting.Copy !req
142. Here it is.Copy !req
143. It is awful, but I sort of love it.Copy !req
144. Who's putting it up?Copy !req
145. The children deny...Copy !req
146. but they're not trustworthy.Copy !req
147. What is the least brilliant thing
that pops up, Greg?Copy !req
148. Well, what do you think? I
feel like it might be the Pop-Tart.Copy !req
149. It is. It just annoyed me.Copy !req
150. It's out. One point.
One point to Mae.Copy !req
151. Pogo stick, two points. Aw!Copy !req
152. Book, lazy, three points. Right.Copy !req
153. Unbelievably, a Whac-A-Mole
that he cut some faces out...Copy !req
154. I don't know why
it's got four points.Copy !req
155. Mae, you're right,
it's inconsistent. That's fine.Copy !req
156. Four to Ivo. And that painting
doesn't deserve any praise,Copy !req
157. but weirdly it's getting
five points. There. That's it.Copy !req
158. One, two, three, four,
five points for Frankie.Copy !req
159. Let's get tasking.Copy !req
160. Hmm, well, more like,
“Let's get pulping.”Copy !req
161. Hello, Alex. Hi, Jenny.
Please stand on the little circle.Copy !req
162. OK.Copy !req
163. What do you think this is?Copy !req
164. Frying pan.Copy !req
165. A Victorian satellite.Copy !req
166. I think this is a...
like a World War Il bomb.Copy !req
167. Be careful.
I'll put the safety gloves on.Copy !req
168. Of course, if it's a bomb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
169. OK.Copy !req
170. "Rotate the pulper wheel
without pulping the egg.”Copy !req
171. "You must not move
from this spot at any point.Copy !req
172. "If you pulp the egg,
you are disqualified.”Copy !req
173. "Most rotations wins."Copy !req
174. "You have a maximum of ten minutes."Copy !req
175. Pulper wheel...Copy !req
176. Obviously.Copy !req
177. Then what's a pulper?Copy !req
178. I see no egg.Copy !req
179. This is a pulper. Right.Copy !req
180. And the egg's in it.Copy !req
181. Where? Wait, hang on,
what's a pulper?Copy !req
182. Obviously it's very tempting to go,Copy !req
183. "Ha-ha, he's lived his whole life
in cotton wool,Copy !req
184. "he's never used a pulper wheel."Copy !req
185. But even much more practical
contestants than me,Copy !req
186. this is their first time
doing this, I think.Copy !req
187. Can I say I don't know
what a pulper is?Copy !req
188. Have you said,
"Your time starts now," yet?Copy !req
189. No. I wouldn't dream of it. Mm.Copy !req
190. You're going to have to say,
"Your time starts now".Copy !req
191. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
192. Over this series, we're building up
a very clear pictureCopy !req
193. of what you were like as a child.Copy !req
194. I've met that boy so many times.Copy !req
195. Shall we start? Yes, let's start.Copy !req
196. We purchased a pulper,
and this is what's going to happen.Copy !req
197. First up, we're going to see
Kiell and FrankieCopy !req
198. starring in a little film
I've called Pulp Friction.Copy !req
199. The egg, you said,
is, what, inside?Copy !req
200. In the mouth of the pulper.Copy !req
201. Where's that?
I can't tell you any more.Copy !req
202. But I want to see.
You can't see it.Copy !req
203. How do I know it's there?
You'll have to take my word for it.Copy !req
204. Tried that before.Copy !req
205. So it's just a kind of
blind Schrodinger's egg?Copy !req
206. Exactly what it is.Copy !req
207. So what's the process? That?Copy !req
208. This?Copy !req
209. The pulper machine... Yes.
.. has a knuckled rotating drumCopy !req
210. that, as it rotates,
presses the cherriesCopy !req
211. across an iron faceplate...Copy !req
212. It might be a different one.Copy !req
213. The pulper drives the impeller
to rotate through the motorCopy !req
214. and the slurry in the tank
is sucked out.Copy !req
215. What's a slurry?Copy !req
216. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
217. Oh, I hear the eqgg.Copy !req
218. Quarter of a turn.Copy !req
219. You reckon that was the egg?Copy !req
220. Does it sound like an egg? Mm.Copy !req
221. Or a calculator.Copy !req
222. That's one rotation.Copy !req
223. I mean, it can't be pulped
if it's making that much noise.Copy !req
224. I mean, that's another way
of looking at it.Copy !req
225. I don't think that was the egg.Copy !req
226. Right, that's half a rotation.Copy !req
227. I wonder, if it goes faster,
it's less likely to break?Copy !req
228. Yeah, I think the lack of speed
is the problem.Copy !req
229. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
230. I know what that was.Copy !req
231. Plastic chair.Copy !req
232. A plastic chair, OK.Copy !req
233. You're on 8 rotations.Copy !req
234. Stopping there?Copy !req
235. Yeah, I think that's pretty good.Copy !req
236. Nothing there.Copy !req
237. It's gone.Copy !req
238. Are you stopping there?
Yeah, it's gone.Copy !req
239. 234 rotations.Copy !req
240. This is the first time they've seen
the interior of the pulper.Copy !req
241. So they were blind, obviously,
and the... the more you spun it,Copy !req
242. the higher the egg got
towards danger.Copy !req
243. That's how it worked.Copy !req
244. Ah. Oh.Copy !req
245. 8% turns, then, is quite an
impressive bit of pre-pulp spinning.Copy !req
246. Brinkmanship.Copy !req
247. The egg survived for both of them.Copy !req
248. We've got a score of 82 versus 2%,
but they're both still in play.Copy !req
249. I put it to you, Kiell, that,Copy !req
250. throughout the task
and indeed when you left,Copy !req
251. you didn't know what was going on.Copy !req
252. I still don't know
what a pulper is.Copy !req
253. We wanna show more? Yeah.Copy !req
254. OK. Next up to the pulperCopy !req
255. are Jenny and Mae.Copy !req
256. Right, so the egg is in the machine.Copy !req
257. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
258. I'm gonna go very gently.Copy !req
259. That's the egg.Copy !req
260. I haven't even done
a single rotation yet, have 1?Copy !req
261. No.Copy !req
262. Oh, fuck it, pulp the egg!Copy !req
263. I just want to pulp it
pulp the stupid egg!Copy !req
264. Yeah, get the egg pulped.
I'm not gonna win anyway.Copy !req
265. There's no way that egg
is not pulped.Copy !req
266. That's one rotation.Copy !req
267. I'm gonna pulp this eqgg,
get it pulped!Copy !req
268. I want it smashed to smithereens.Copy !req
269. You've still got nine minutes.Copy !req
270. What? I can't keep this up
for another nine.Copy !req
271. In the olden days,
is this what the pulpers did?Copy !req
272. Pulpers would come home
to their wives.Copy !req
273. The wives would be like,
"Did you pulp the egg?”Copy !req
274. And they'd be like,
"I did eight rotations."Copy !req
275. Alex, I want ten.Copy !req
276. You want ten? OK. Ten rotations.Copy !req
277. It's smashed, isn't it?
The egg's smashed.Copy !req
278. That's 11.Copy !req
279. I think an egg could survive this.Copy !req
280. It's not the eqq.Copy !req
281. 13. I'll stop on 13.Copy !req
282. That's 13. OK. Yeah? Yeah.Copy !req
283. Thanks, Jenny.Copy !req
284. How long?Copy !req
285. You've got just 30 seconds.Copy !req
286. I will just kick myself ifCopy !req
287. I hadn't pulped it
and I stopped turning.Copy !req
288. I'm intrigued by the characters
that you created during that,Copy !req
289. Mr and Mrs Egg Pulper.Copy !req
290. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where are they from, that couple?Copy !req
291. Wherever Nancy from Oliver Twist
is from.Copy !req
292. Ah. They're all... Yeah.Copy !req
293. "Oh!"
Like that.Copy !req
294. I mean, I really enjoyed that.Copy !req
295. They did very well
but also very badly,Copy !req
296. which means Kiell
is still in second place.Copy !req
297. And sometimes it doesn't matter if
you don't understand the task.Copy !req
298. Right, Part One is about
to have it on its toes.Copy !req
299. Open the back door to the vanCopy !req
300. and we'll bundle Part Two
in shortly. Bye.Copy !req
301. GUITAR STRUMS, DRUM THUDS,Copy !req
302. Oh, yes. Hello, we're back.
It's the second part of the showCopy !req
303. and there's a really noisy task
in motionCopy !req
304. to test the bravery
of our quivering quintet.Copy !req
305. Yes, they're proactive pulpers,
that's for sure.Copy !req
306. None of them knew what was happening
inside the machineCopy !req
307. but they knew they needed to
keep their eggs intact as all costs.Copy !req
308. So far, there have been
two successfulCopy !req
309. and two unsuccessful attempts,Copy !req
310. so here's lvo Graham
to upset the balance.Copy !req
311. I haven't been very good
at lateral thinking tasksCopy !req
312. and I haven't been very good
at egg tasks.Copy !req
313. But I'm gonna find the eqgqg.Copy !req
314. Can I move this spot?Copy !req
315. All of the information
is on the task. Well, yeah, but...Copy !req
316. Are you now better informed?Copy !req
317. No, I wish I hadn't
seen all this, really.Copy !req
318. Ooh!Copy !req
319. You've got five minutes left. Yep.Copy !req
320. Let's get pulping.Copy !req
321. You've got three minutes left.Copy !req
322. 30. 307Copy !req
323. 31. 33.Copy !req
324. Ten seconds. The last pulp.Copy !req
325. I felt some weird level of prideCopy !req
326. watching the Ivo frog
bounce his way round.Copy !req
327. I think there was immense dignity
watching my body spasmCopy !req
328. with a gloved egg in my mouth.Copy !req
329. So it wasn't cheating?Copy !req
330. You just had to stay on the spot
at all times.Copy !req
331. Oh, shit!
Why didn't I think of that?Copy !req
332. Well, he clearly rotated it
more than anyone else.Copy !req
333. 56 times. Congratulations, Ivo.Copy !req
334. So Jenny and Mae don't get
any points, apologies.Copy !req
335. Three points to Kiell,
four to Frankie,Copy !req
336. but, of course, five to Ivo Graham!Copy !req
337. Let's have the scoreboard, nice boy.Copy !req
338. OK, it means that those two,
Frankie and Ivo,Copy !req
339. are in the joint leading spots -
nine points each. Mm!Copy !req
340. I think it's about time
we had another team task.Copy !req
341. Ooh, I do too, Greg.
It feels so right.Copy !req
342. So here's a pretty sweet one
just for you.Copy !req
343. Hiya.Copy !req
344. Frankie.Copy !req
345. Hello, Ivo. Hello.Copy !req
346. Oh, my goodness.
This has gone a bit S&M-y.Copy !req
347. OK.Copy !req
348. Hello. Ooh!Copy !req
349. It's you first.Copy !req
350. Me? Mm-hm.Copy !req
351. Do we have a safe word?Copy !req
352. You've done this before?Copy !req
353. Yeah, I'm really at home.Copy !req
354. Right. Jenny?Copy !req
355. Well, I've been arrested, obviously,Copy !req
356. but I haven't done sex games
with these.Copy !req
357. Couple more things.Copy !req
358. Jelly babies?Copy !req
359. Are they jelly babies? Yeah.Copy !req
360. They're numbered - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.Copy !req
361. "Completely free yourselves
and have a team hug."Copy !req
362. "Fastest team hug wins."Copy !req
363. "Your times starts... now."Copy !req
364. OK, OK. So there's a 1 on hereCopy !req
365. and is there another number
on this one?Copy !req
366. This is 2.Copy !req
367. Hmm.Copy !req
368. Well, Jenny Eclair is the chirpiest
S&M-er I've ever met.Copy !req
369. Fun! Listen,
let's focus on the task.Copy !req
370. OK, right. I'm looking forward
to seeing them free themselves.Copy !req
371. OK, let's see the handcuffed
threesome of Mae, Jenny and Kiell.Copy !req
372. There's a key here.Copy !req
373. Kiell, can you reach the key?
Let's try.Copy !req
374. Stretch, come on.Copy !req
375. That's definitely impossible.Copy !req
376. So let's think for a minute.
I'm gonna count my 2s.Copy !req
377. I've got 15 in here.Copy !req
378. One...Copy !req
379. Hey, what's that? Menu.Copy !req
380. Oh, OK, so these are different
flavoured jelly babies.Copy !req
381. OK, well, I'm gonna bite the head
off one, see if I got a flavour.Copy !req
382. Four...Copy !req
383. Oh, Jesus Christ,
that's the most disgusting thingCopy !req
384. I've ever eaten in my life. Six.Copy !req
385. I think it might be chicken feet.Copy !req
386. Urgh!Copy !req
387. Would you like to have
the bottom half? No.Copy !req
388. 15 in here too.
I'm gonna eat one of these.Copy !req
389. Wait, but what is the point?
Because you want to or what?Copy !req
390. Is there a plan behind it?Copy !req
391. This is a five-digit code
and there's five glasses.Copy !req
392. But then what does it prove?Copy !req
393. We're gonna have to figure
out what flavour all these areCopy !req
394. and then we're gonna have to use
those. But those aren't numbered.Copy !req
395. But that will correspond
with the periodic table somehow.Copy !req
396. I love your brain. Before I bite
anything, I need to know...Copy !req
397. Urgh! Yeah, that's
what I'm trying to avoid.Copy !req
398. This is wasabi... Wasabi. OK.Copy !req
399. Wait, but what do you mean OK?
Like OK, and then what?Copy !req
400. That's gonna correspond with that.
Like, maybe the initials of it?Copy !req
401. What's W?Copy !req
402. 74.Copy !req
403. Urgh! Is it awful?Copy !req
404. It's mint and gravy.
I'm going mint and gravy.Copy !req
405. It's mint and gravy. Urgh!Copy !req
406. So you had wasabi?Copy !req
407. I think I'm going to be sick.Copy !req
408. Mint and gravy,
which is Mg, which is Magnesium.Copy !req
409. And what number? 12. OK.Copy !req
410. So you think that I should have 12
and then go to the... the 747Copy !req
411. Yes, so 1-2-7-4.Copy !req
412. 7-4, OK.Copy !req
413. I'm going to keep eating them.Copy !req
414. Number three is green.Copy !req
415. You can do it.Copy !req
416. Hold on. Mae, if I do it one by one,
it's gonna give us a clueCopy !req
417. to what it might be, cos at some
point... Oh, that's really clever.Copy !req
418. Oh! Ha! Yes. What was it?Copy !req
419. 0. It was O, OK.
So what starts with a zero?Copy !req
420. What starts with a zero?Copy !req
421. Er, so it can be bacon and kale,
it could be broccoli.Copy !req
422. Is that the green one?
Could it be broccoli?Copy !req
423. That's a B. Er, 0-5.Copy !req
424. So we'll start with 5 on
the next lot. We're on to... OK.Copy !req
425. It's very bad. It's really weird.Copy !req
426. This is definitely
pepper and beetroot.Copy !req
427. Oh, that's definitely beetroot.Copy !req
428. Lead. 82.Copy !req
429. And then the next one was...Copy !req
430. seaweed. Urgh!Copy !req
431. Oh, seaweed! I've got it.
I've just got it.Copy !req
432. A real hit. Yes, it's seaweed.Copy !req
433. Er, 16.Copy !req
434. Wahey!Copy !req
435. There you go. Well done, well done.Copy !req
436. Team hug. Oh, team hug!Copy !req
437. Is it fair to say that Jenny and MaeCopy !req
438. were the most active members
of the escape committee?Copy !req
439. What-what I will say is that
that has been edited... Yeah.Copy !req
440. very, very nicely in my favour,Copy !req
441. because I was a monster
in that room.Copy !req
442. I'm so glad they cut it out,
cos it was really tense.Copy !req
443. I... I wasn't putting fucking
broccoli jelly babies in my mouth.Copy !req
444. I mean, that much
quickly became apparent.Copy !req
445. It was a very difficult task.Copy !req
446. Er, they took the same amount of timeCopy !req
447. you could listen to All That I Want
Is Another Baby five times -Copy !req
448. 17 minutes 50.Copy !req
449. OK, time for a break.Copy !req
450. Just time for those couples watchingCopy !req
451. who let the family dog
sleep in the same bed as themCopy !req
452. to reflect on the dayCopy !req
453. you threw the towel
in on your love life. Bye!Copy !req
454. Hello, and a warm welcome back
to Part Three. Tell me stuff, Alex.Copy !req
455. Sure, Greg. Well, jelly babies,
the periodic table, handcuffsCopy !req
456. and the ultimate goal of a hug.Copy !req
457. That's a typical day for me.
Coincidentally, they're alsoCopy !req
458. the main ingredients of
the current team task,Copy !req
459. but how quickly will the intelligent
team of Frankie and IvoCopy !req
460. work out the conundrum,
release themselves from the cuffsCopy !req
461. and embrace victorious?Copy !req
462. Let's find out.Copy !req
463. Right. Shall we both have a 5?Copy !req
464. Sure, OK.Copy !req
465. Hmm, that's quite unpleasant,
isn't it?Copy !req
466. Green...Copy !req
467. Might be broccoli.Copy !req
468. In fact, it is broccoli, I think.
OK.Copy !req
469. Number four is hot.
See what you think.Copy !req
470. Urgh! Really fucking unpleasant.Copy !req
471. Could be cumin and radish?
Cumin and radish.Copy !req
472. There must be a Cr.Copy !req
473. So maybe broccoli was B.Copy !req
474. So if we took that as five...Copy !req
475. Yeah, Cr, Chromium - 24.Copy !req
476. But how does that help us?
Cos that gives us two digits?Copy !req
477. Unless we add them together.Copy !req
478. Why don't we add two and four
together to make six?Copy !req
479. Let's see what number three is.Copy !req
480. This doesn't have a lot of taste
to it. Mint and gravy?Copy !req
481. Yep.Copy !req
482. Magnesium, which is 12.
Mint and gravy.Copy !req
483. So we add those together,
that would be three.Copy !req
484. No. I reckon if you just laid out
the ten numbers,Copy !req
485. the first five would be padlock oneCopy !req
486. and the second five
would be padlock two.Copy !req
487. Well, that's complicated things.Copy !req
488. I think both the padlocks
will be the same.Copy !req
489. You know what I mean?Copy !req
490. Close your eyes.Copy !req
491. Pepper and beetroot, maybe?Copy !req
492. Pb.Copy !req
493. 82 would give us 10,
which is a two-digit number,Copy !req
494. which is no use
in this five-digit debacle.Copy !req
495. You love adding
those numbers together.Copy !req
496. It... You know, it does seemCopy !req
497. a waste of, you know,
all these-two digit elements.Copy !req
498. Well, OK, that's the strategy.Copy !req
499. I've got so much respect for you,
Frankie,Copy !req
500. but I don't think
it's adding the numbers together.Copy !req
501. I've never thought that.Copy !req
502. Your system or mine?Copy !req
503. Well, let's go with yours, man.Copy !req
504. OK so 1-2-7-4.Copy !req
505. Broccoli, B,
so the last number is O.Copy !req
506. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
507. And now... I was so wrong.Copy !req
508. Er, start with a 5. 8-2.Copy !req
509. Great ready to hug, Frankie.Copy !req
510. There's the 1.Copy !req
511. Here comes the 6.Copy !req
512. Er, you're not completely freed.Copy !req
513. Oh, oh, right.Copy !req
514. Where might the key be?Copy !req
515. There's no key here.Copy !req
516. Oh, in a jelly baby thing?Copy !req
517. It's not fair that you shouldCopy !req
518. make a task feel
so like it's finally finishedCopy !req
519. and then it just be getting started.Copy !req
520. It's right there above
the periodic table!Copy !req
521. This has turned into quite
a begrudging hug, I'm afraid.Copy !req
522. Not for me, baby.Copy !req
523. Both hugs for me - adorable.Copy !req
524. The handcuffed hug particularly.Copy !req
525. You felt reticent
to point out to FrankieCopy !req
526. that his system was incorrect?Copy !req
527. Well, obviously,
there was a period whereCopy !req
528. there was a very strong chance that
Frankie's system might be correct.Copy !req
529. It's co-pilot syndrome, isn't it?Copy !req
530. You know, a lot
of plane crashes happenCopy !req
531. because the co-pilot is too scared
to say to the brash pilot,Copy !req
532. "Look we're gonna hit
the fucking ground here, mate."Copy !req
533. And I was that guy.Copy !req
534. "Neeeeyow!"Copy !req
535. And during it,Copy !req
536. I asked Alex to isolate
a picture of the co-pilot's faceCopy !req
537. when he knew that he had the answerCopy !req
538. but wasn't sure
he should say anything.Copy !req
539. This is the face. Yep.Copy !req
540. Let's talk about points.Copy !req
541. OK, the team of three tookCopy !req
542. 17 minutes and 50 seconds.Copy !req
543. The team of two took 42 minutes
and...Copy !req
544. I'm guessing five points
for the team of three.Copy !req
545. Of course it is.Copy !req
546. The team of two did achieve
the task eventually.Copy !req
547. Oh, yeah, there's points.
What do they get?Copy !req
548. I can't give them any more
than two points for that.Copy !req
549. All right, five points
to the team of three,Copy !req
550. two to the team of two! Very nice.Copy !req
551. Can we fit one more task in, please?Copy !req
552. Definitely, Greg,
and this one begins with themCopy !req
553. making some very important decisions.Copy !req
554. This gold pen reminds me of school.Copy !req
555. Like, one boy in the year
would have a gold pen.Copy !req
556. I'd have it by the end of the year,
though.Copy !req
557. Oh.Copy !req
558. "Write down a number
between 0 and 100."Copy !req
559. "A length of time
between 1 minute and 20 minutes."Copy !req
560. "Five ingredients."Copy !req
561. "A country, a noun.”Copy !req
562. "And an adjective.”Copy !req
563. This seems too simple.Copy !req
564. "You have three minutes."Copy !req
565. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
566. Why does that seem so easy?Copy !req
567. Well, then what
do I have to do with it?Copy !req
568. Presumably there's some trick
involved.Copy !req
569. Number between 0-100, 50.Copy !req
570. 80.Copy !req
571. 42. Meaning of life.Copy !req
572. 75.Copy !req
573. 77 Lovely.Copy !req
574. A length of time between
1 minute and 20 minutes.Copy !req
575. Two minutes.Copy !req
576. 15 minutes.Copy !req
577. 19 minutes.Copy !req
578. 4 minutes, 20 seconds.Copy !req
579. Also meaning of life.Copy !req
580. 21 seconds.Copy !req
581. 1 minute and 21 seconds.Copy !req
582. Five ingredients.Copy !req
583. These ingredients are gonna
bounce back and hit me in the face.Copy !req
584. Chilli. Cherries.Copy !req
585. Sausage, ketchup, bun,
mustard, grilled onions.Copy !req
586. You know what that means?Copy !req
587. Er, no?Copy !req
588. Hot dog. Ah.Copy !req
589. Basil. Cumin.Copy !req
590. Garlic. Salt.Copy !req
591. And...Copy !req
592. cannellini beans.Copy !req
593. A country? Scotland. France.Copy !req
594. Guatemala.Copy !req
595. Kenya. Germany.
I used to live there.Copy !req
596. A noun. Duck.Copy !req
597. Duck. Shoe.Copy !req
598. Dog.Copy !req
599. Bench.Copy !req
600. Large.Copy !req
601. Splendid.Copy !req
602. Feisty.Copy !req
603. 12 seconds. Oh. Cowering.Copy !req
604. Gold.Copy !req
605. Is this a trick?Copy !req
606. Hmm...Copy !req
607. See you later, then. All right.Copy !req
608. Now, the adjectives are more
interesting than the nouns.Copy !req
609. Duck, duck, shoe, dog, bench
is what they've gone for.Copy !req
610. But two of them went for duck -
the first noun that came. Yeah.Copy !req
611. There were a lot of ducks
around the house, though -Copy !req
612. that may be something to do with it.Copy !req
613. There were? Like Li...?Copy !req
614. No, not real ducks. Oh, OK!Copy !req
615. Shall we start with
the double duckers? Double duckers.Copy !req
616. Yes, well they both choose duck
as their go-to noun,Copy !req
617. so let's see Ivo and Mae together.Copy !req
618. Hello. Hi.Copy !req
619. If it isn't
my dream five ingredients.Copy !req
620. "Make a splendid Guatemalan duck.”Copy !req
621. "Make a feisty French duck."Copy !req
622. "You must use all these ingredients
and you must also clap 80 times."Copy !req
623. "And you must also clap 42 times.Copy !req
624. "You have four minutes
and 20 seconds."Copy !req
625. "You have 19 minutes.
Your time starts now."Copy !req
626. I could have picked any noun
and I picked duck, so...Copy !req
627. Which is a food.Copy !req
628. .8, 9, 80.Copy !req
629. That would be good news
if any of this was duck.Copy !req
630. Smells good.Copy !req
631. Does it? Yeah, sweetcorn.Copy !req
632. Sure I saw a duck.Copy !req
633. What I need is to make
a mould of a duck.Copy !req
634. Christ! The time!Copy !req
635. That's a duck.Copy !req
636. Good, really good.Copy !req
637. No, no, not so good.Copy !req
638. Why didn't I just ask for more time
when I designed my own task?Copy !req
639. Oh, it's burning. It's burning.Copy !req
640. French duck.Copy !req
641. Oh...Copy !req
642. Um... so what else is... er...?Copy !req
643. I think this is all
about confidence.Copy !req
644. Um, I think I've just got to
do it all on the duck, to be honest.Copy !req
645. Good evening.Copy !req
646. Good evening, Mae.Copy !req
647. I've made for you
a splendid Guatemalan duck.Copy !req
648. Bonjour, Alex. Bonjour, Ivo.Copy !req
649. You have been busy.Copy !req
650. Too late to pop a little beret on?Copy !req
651. Do you see the beak?Copy !req
652. Do I see the wings?Copy !req
653. Er, they were removed.Copy !req
654. It's Guatemalan
because of this sauce, is it?Copy !req
655. And corn comes from
Central America. Mm-hm.Copy !req
656. Splendid.Copy !req
657. Why is he French?Copy !req
658. Well, the garlic is obviously
doing some pretty heavy lifting.Copy !req
659. It's too heavy to hang around
the neck, unfortunately.Copy !req
660. He's got a beret on,Copy !req
661. but I did forget
to do all my claps.Copy !req
662. Yeah, it's good. Really?Copy !req
663. Yeah. I like it.Copy !req
664. Thank you!Copy !req
665. Mae, I put it to you that
your duck mould was no more usefulCopy !req
666. than just chucking two piles
of sweetcorn onto a plate.Copy !req
667. Yeah. Did you think the end result
was splendid?Copy !req
668. Actually, Alex, like,
went back for a second bite.Copy !req
669. Like, it was not that bad, was it?Copy !req
670. He'll eat anything, though.
All of that is true.Copy !req
671. You won't eat ANYTHING will you,
though, Alex?Copy !req
672. I didn't see you sort
of tucking in to my...Copy !req
673. All I could do, surely,
was lick your duck.Copy !req
674. Niftily moving that spot around the
pulper feels a long time ago now.Copy !req
675. It does make me feel
quite sorry for you sometimes,Copy !req
676. when you grip your head...
Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
677. like a chimpanzee
whose habitat is under threat.Copy !req
678. Oh, dear.
Right, there's just one part left,Copy !req
679. and in it, someone will win
today's competitionCopy !req
680. and scream, "Yes! At last, I've won
a Professor Brian Cox Pop-TartCopy !req
681. "and a pogo stick! Whoo!"Copy !req
682. Hello again!Copy !req
683. Welcome back to the final instalment
of today's show.Copy !req
684. Alex, can you please sum up
your break for me in one word?Copy !req
685. Plop.Copy !req
686. Rather than go into detail,
let's get the current task finished.Copy !req
687. The comics wrote down
some numbers, some ingredients,Copy !req
688. a country, a noun, and an adjective,Copy !req
689. all to give them the chance
to make the next part of the taskCopy !req
690. nice and easy for them.Copy !req
691. Here's Frankie making a dog,Copy !req
692. Jenny making a shoe,
and Kiell making a bench.Copy !req
693. So these are the things
I mentioned earlier. It was a trick.Copy !req
694. "Make a large Scottish dog.”Copy !req
695. "Make a cowering Kenyan bench.”Copy !req
696. "Make a Gold German shoe."Copy !req
697. "You must use
all these ingredients.”Copy !req
698. "And you must also
clap seven times."Copy !req
699. "50 times."Copy !req
700. "75 times.Copy !req
701. "You have 15 minutes.
Most accurate creation wins."Copy !req
702. "1 minute and 21 seconds."Copy !req
703. Two minutes?Copy !req
704. Yeah, that's what you wanted.Copy !req
705. Oh, God.Copy !req
706. "Your time starts... now."Copy !req
707. You've got just over a minute left.Copy !req
708. Oh, what?Copy !req
709. I'm gonna cook that fucking potato
cos it's got to be edible.Copy !req
710. We've got an eye.Copy !req
711. Oh, man.Copy !req
712. There is a gold shoe outside.Copy !req
713. Mein gelb Schuh, bitte. JawohlCopy !req
714. I was hoping
that would look like a tailCopy !req
715. but it just looks like
he's sort of shat everywhere.Copy !req
716. You have 30 seconds.Copy !req
717. That goes in there like that.Copy !req
718. Hello, Frankie. Hi.Copy !req
719. What have you made me?
I've made you a large Scottish dog.Copy !req
720. Look, there's
the St Andrew's flag there.Copy !req
721. Oh, to show that it's Scottish?Copy !req
722. Yeah, but what's showing
that it's a dog?Copy !req
723. Um...Copy !req
724. Das Dinner ist here.Copy !req
725. It's a slightly undercooked
chilli con carne. Oh.Copy !req
726. I'd eat with caution and milk.Copy !req
727. I normally do.Copy !req
728. It's a cowering Kenyan bench.Copy !req
729. Please can you show me
the Kenyan aspect?Copy !req
730. It's difficult to see
with the human eyeCopy !req
731. but on every part
of those grilled onions,Copy !req
732. it says, "Nairobi."Copy !req
733. Oh, does it? And cowering?Copy !req
734. It's hiding from this guy.Copy !req
735. It's not really a sort of
eating situation, is it?Copy !req
736. Very nice. Is it?Copy !req
737. This might be my perfect meal.Copy !req
738. Taste of Africa?Copy !req
739. It's delicious.Copy !req
740. Well, I suppose the obvious question
is to Frankie, and it's, um...Copy !req
741. have you ever seen a dog before?Copy !req
742. The big red eyes of a Scottish dog.Copy !req
743. A singular, big, red eye
of the floury Scottish dog.Copy !req
744. And in what way is chilli con carne
stuck in a shoe German?Copy !req
745. Other than you kept speaking likeCopy !req
746. a cast member of 'Allo 'Allo,
of course.Copy !req
747. I just was trying my best.Copy !req
748. I know that you're going to tell me
something that's so awful.Copy !req
749. I don't think I clapped,
I don't think I fucking clapped.Copy !req
750. I don't think I clapped.
Did I clap? I didn't clap.Copy !req
751. Jenny, not only did you not clap,Copy !req
752. you finished with one minute to go
and sat down.Copy !req
753. Kiel|, I have to say,
it was pretty impressiveCopy !req
754. that he managed to create that,Copy !req
755. and I did understand the imagery
as well.Copy !req
756. I mean, I maybe questioned
whether he'd had timeCopy !req
757. to engrave Nairobi onto the onions.Copy !req
758. It's hard to see.Copy !req
759. I genuinely was quite impressed.Copy !req
760. Was Jenny's chilli nice?Copy !req
761. The task wasn't really about
whether it tasted nice.Copy !req
762. I didn't have to eat them.Copy !req
763. No, I was just making conversation,
you bell end. Oh, right.Copy !req
764. Go on, let's get on, if you like.Copy !req
765. Here are all five.Copy !req
766. Pay close attention to Frankie's,
top left.Copy !req
767. Also, he didn't clap,Copy !req
768. so it's not that relevant.Copy !req
769. Well, they're all so wonderful,Copy !req
770. I feel a bit mean giving zero.Copy !req
771. I would give the people
who didn't clap one charity point.Copy !req
772. So, the top row - Frankie, Ivo,
and Jenny - all one point.Copy !req
773. And the other two... I'm sure I'll
be judged very harshly for this,Copy !req
774. but I am more impressed
by the bench. I am.Copy !req
775. It took only a minute.Copy !req
776. Kiell gets five points!Copy !req
777. I need a scoreboard update, please.Copy !req
778. In this episode, Greg,Copy !req
779. two people who've not won a show yet
could do.Copy !req
780. Kiell's in the lead on 15.Copy !req
781. Frankie's in joint second on 12.Copy !req
782. Right, then. You know the drill.Copy !req
783. Please vacate those seats
for the final task of the show!Copy !req
784. Hello, young man.Copy !req
785. My tongue is still sore.Copy !req
786. Who will read the task out?Copy !req
787. Mae Martin, please.Copy !req
788. Say the word given to you
by the TaskmasterCopy !req
789. in the accent
on the card you choose.Copy !req
790. The Taskmaster will guess
what accent you're doing.Copy !req
791. Highest score
after three rounds wins.Copy !req
792. I hope Brian Cox
is one of the options.Copy !req
793. Are you ready for the first word?Copy !req
794. Yes. They've all been given
a country.Copy !req
795. We're going to start with Mae,
and go from right to left.Copy !req
796. What's the first word, Greg?Copy !req
797. Taskmaster.Copy !req
798. Taskmaster.Copy !req
799. Where is Mae from?Copy !req
800. Scotland.Copy !req
801. Let's see on the card.Copy !req
802. Oh!
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
803. My whole family are from Wales,
Mae.Copy !req
804. Next up, it's Kiell.Copy !req
805. Kiell, good luck.Copy !req
806. Tiskmester.Copy !req
807. South Africa.Copy !req
808. What's the country, Kiell?Copy !req
809. New Zealand.Copy !req
810. Oh!Copy !req
811. Jenny's turn.Copy !req
812. Tashkmashter.Copy !req
813. Norwegian.Copy !req
814. Sweden.Copy !req
815. It's so close.Copy !req
816. It is so close. Very close.Copy !req
817. Ivo's turn.Copy !req
818. Taskmaster.Copy !req
819. Is Disney a country?Copy !req
820. Generic American in there. America?Copy !req
821. Sorry, Mae.Copy !req
822. Canada. Oh, close.Copy !req
823. It sort of is generic America,
isn't it?Copy !req
824. No, Alex.Copy !req
825. Frankie, you all right? Could get
the first point in Round One.Copy !req
826. Taskmaster!Copy !req
827. He's from Ireland.Copy !req
828. It is from the Republic of Ireland.Copy !req
829. Oh, well done.Copy !req
830. So now I'm going to give you a city.Copy !req
831. What do they have
to say this time, Greg?Copy !req
832. They have to say my full name,
Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
833. Good luck, Mae.Copy !req
834. Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
835. Good.Copy !req
836. Glasgow.Copy !req
837. It is...Copy !req
838. Glasgow!Copy !req
839. Kiell.Copy !req
840. Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
841. Los Angeles. Yes.Copy !req
842. Let's see.Copy !req
843. Good luck, Jenny.Copy !req
844. Mr...Copy !req
845. Gregory...Copy !req
846. Daniel Davies?Copy !req
847. It's the only one I can't do.Copy !req
848. I don't think the squat is relevant.Copy !req
849. I don't know. I mean, Moscow?Copy !req
850. Twinned with...Copy !req
851. I apologise to Newcastle,
a city I love.Copy !req
852. Oh, wow. That's sensational.Copy !req
853. Ivo.Copy !req
854. Mistah Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
855. I think that's Ivo trying
to sound likeCopy !req
856. a street-tough New Yorker.Copy !req
857. I'm sticking with it. New York.Copy !req
858. I'm always trying to be
street-tough.Copy !req
859. It's New York!Copy !req
860. Frankie.Copy !req
861. Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
862. Absolutely easy. Belfast.Copy !req
863. He's the impressionist!Copy !req
864. Man of a thousand voice...
Two. Two voices!Copy !req
865. So Round Three's a little different.Copy !req
866. This time, it's walking.Copy !req
867. On these cards we've got
all your names and our names.Copy !req
868. They are in there several times,Copy !req
869. so you might have
the same ones twice.Copy !req
870. Greg's gonna try to spot
the person by the walk.Copy !req
871. Mae's going to start, right? Yes.Copy !req
872. OK. Good luck.Copy !req
873. Whilst I personally
don't think this is accurate...Copy !req
874. Jenny Eclair.Copy !req
875. Are we correct? Yeah.Copy !req
876. Kiell.Copy !req
877. Well, I presume it's a repeat.Copy !req
878. It is possible that it's a repeat.Copy !req
879. OK, I'll roll the dice.Copy !req
880. That was poor Jenny again.Copy !req
881. She has become Poor Jenny.
He's correct.Copy !req
882. You know when laughing and tears
are really, really close?Copy !req
883. Good luck. I'd love it if it's you.Copy !req
884. I know that subservient gait.Copy !req
885. Alex Horne.Copy !req
886. Yes! It was Alex Horne!Copy !req
887. Jenny's off the mark. Now, Ivo.Copy !req
888. It was the, in my opinion,
very graceful...Copy !req
889. Jenny Eclair.Copy !req
890. When does this cross into bullying?Copy !req
891. I've already lost the episode,
I just wanted to have a go at it.Copy !req
892. Oh, lovely. One left.Copy !req
893. Frankie, with an unblemished
score sheet...Copy !req
894. Frankie, roll the Jenny Eclair dice.Copy !req
895. I think Frankie was doing Kiell.Copy !req
896. Mae Martin.Copy !req
897. And there we are.Copy !req
898. We'll add all that to the final
scores and see where we get to.Copy !req
899. Come on down and join me.Copy !req
900. One of your bestest tasks. Good boy.Copy !req
901. Thanks, mate.
Oh, can I call you mate?Copy !req
902. "Thanks, mate"? No. No.Copy !req
903. Yes, well, Kiell, Mae,
and Frankie came joint first -Copy !req
904. they each got two out of the three,Copy !req
905. so they get five points each.
Well done them.Copy !req
906. Unfortunately,
thanks to Ivo throwing a goCopy !req
907. and Jenny's Newcastle abomination,
they come joint fourth,Copy !req
908. so get two points each.
There we go.Copy !req
909. They still did very well.Copy !req
910. We have a new winner.
Never guess who it is.Copy !req
911. With 20 points,Copy !req
912. it's Kiell Smith-Bynoe! Oh!Copy !req
913. Kiell Smith-Bynoe wins!Copy !req
914. Please pop up
to collect your pop-up prizes.Copy !req
915. See you again soon,Copy !req
916. but, please, let's hear it once more
for tonight's winner,Copy !req
917. Kiell Smith-Bynoe!Copy !req