1. Brace, brace! I'm bracing!Copy !req
2. This program me contains
strong language and adult humour.Copy !req
3. Hmph!Copy !req
4. DRUM THUDS, BELLS JINGLECopy !req
5. No, no, no, no!Copy !req
6. DRUM BANGSCopy !req
7. BREATHY HONK
No!Copy !req
8. Ahh!Copy !req
9. What?Copy !req
10. Hello, everybody,
and welcome to Taskmaster.Copy !req
11. The road to Taskmaster victory
is long,Copy !req
12. there are many hurdles,
physically and psychologically.Copy !req
13. Different individuals
respond in different waysCopy !req
14. and sometimes on cameraCopy !req
15. there are those that seem
not to care at all how well they do.Copy !req
16. But do not be fooled.Copy !req
17. One of them came to my
dressing room last night,Copy !req
18. hot tears streaming down their face,Copy !req
19. "I want this more than
I've ever wanted anything before.Copy !req
20. "I want to make my family proud.
Please, Greg.Copy !req
21. "Please don't take this from me,
please.”Copy !req
22. Now, I would never reveal
that person's identity,Copy !req
23. but I'll say this -Copy !req
24. chin up, you're doing fine,Copy !req
25. and don't be silly,Copy !req
26. of course you'll be able to show
your face in Scotland again.Copy !req
27. Let's meet them all now.Copy !req
28. Please give an enormous round
of applause to Frankie Boyle...Copy !req
29. Ivo Graham...Copy !req
30. . Jenny Eclair...Copy !req
31. Kiell Smith-Bynoe...Copy !req
32. and Mae Martin.Copy !req
33. And next to me,
a man who smells his own fartsCopy !req
34. using what he describes
as his guff-and-cup system.Copy !req
35. It's...Copy !req
36. HIGH-PITCHED:. little Alex Horne!Copy !req
37. Hello, hello, hello.Copy !req
38. Hello. Good evening. How are you?Copy !req
39. I am great... Wow.Copy !req
40. for once, and I want to take
an opportunity, if you wouldn't mind,Copy !req
41. an opportunity to thank this man,Copy !req
42. because you get a lot
of stick from peopleCopy !req
43. for being mean to me.Copy !req
44. But you're very nice. Four months
ago, Greg gave me a watch.Copy !req
45. He said "I want to give you this,"Copy !req
46. and he gave me that,
and it's really nice.Copy !req
47. So nice guy.
Aww.Copy !req
48. I mean, I don't know what to do
with this, cos this is just true.Copy !req
49. Nice guy. I haven't got you anything,
but you may do what you may with me.Copy !req
50. Payback for my lovely present.Copy !req
51. Put your tongue out.Copy !req
52. I don't want to.Copy !req
53. OK.Copy !req
54. ALEX SQUEALSCopy !req
55. SQUEALING CONTINUESCopy !req
56. Come on, then.
Yes, Greg, it's prize task timeCopy !req
57. and this week the category is,Copy !req
58. "The most brilliant thing
that pops up.”Copy !req
59. You'll give five points
to the top of the popsCopy !req
60. and then one of them will be
really happy at the end of the showCopy !req
61. when they win five brilliant things
that pop up.Copy !req
62. Back to you, Pops. Right.Copy !req
63. Obviously, anyone
who's brought a toaster in,Copy !req
64. get ready for no points.Copy !req
65. Ivo, hello. Hello, Greg.Copy !req
66. What's the most brilliant thing
that you've brought in that pops up?Copy !req
67. It's, of course,
the game of Whac-A-MoleCopy !req
68. with a bespoke Taskmaster twist.Copy !req
69. Here it is. He's done this.Copy !req
70. There we are!Copy !req
71. Oh, God. Come on!Copy !req
72. I like it more than
I ever imagined I would.Copy !req
73. Yes!Copy !req
74. Not too proud not
to put myself in the Whac-A-Mole,Copy !req
75. I suffer, as we all shall,
at the hands of the bat.Copy !req
76. Well, it's nice.Copy !req
77. You made the effort
to make it Taskmaster-centricCopy !req
78. and I enjoy that.Copy !req
79. It feels mid-range at this stage.Copy !req
80. The Japanese format of
Whac-A-Mole, Mogura Tataki,Copy !req
81. Mole Smash, is popular worldwide,
and now it's got our faces on it.Copy !req
82. Five points, please.Copy !req
83. Do you want me to enter five points?
I do not.Copy !req
84. Hello, Mae.Copy !req
85. You remember what you said
about toasters?Copy !req
86. But.. bear with me. OK.Copy !req
87. Er, I've brought a Pop-Tart...Copy !req
88. Mm. But no, wait.Copy !req
89. Yeah, this is Mae's
most brilliant thing that pops up.Copy !req
90. On the Pop-Tart is the most
brilliant mind of our time.Copy !req
91. My man, Professor Brian Cox.Copy !req
92. Look at his hair, and...Copy !req
93. Hey, Whac-A-Mole's looking
more attractive.Copy !req
94. Are you a fan of
Professor Brian Cox?Copy !req
95. I think he's fit, yeah.Copy !req
96. No, I respect his mind.Copy !req
97. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
98. All you're
going to see is my burning face.Copy !req
99. How have you never had
an impressions show?Copy !req
100. Jenny. Oh, no.Copy !req
101. You must be feeling
a little bit encouragedCopy !req
102. by Professor Brian Pop-Tart. No.Copy !req
103. Do you like David Bowie? Do 1?7
Yeah. I don't mind him.Copy !req
104. Right, David Bowie would never
have had those big balloon trousersCopy !req
105. had it not been for this bloke
called Oskar Schlemmer, right?Copy !req
106. And he designed the Bauhaus Ballet,
so I have brought for youCopy !req
107. a Bauhaus Ballet pop-up book.Copy !req
108. Here is the book. Yeah.Copy !req
109. Here it comes.Copy !req
110. Pop!Copy !req
111. Ooh.
Oooh...Copy !req
112. Did you hear that noise?
The audience loved it.Copy !req
113. Greg, come on!Copy !req
114. I don't mind it.Copy !req
115. It's interesting, cos the lineage
from Oskar Schlemmer to BowieCopy !req
116. is all in the Bauhaus movement.Copy !req
117. Yeah, that's why these people
came here, Jenny. Yes, indeed.Copy !req
118. They're gagging for Schlemmer!
That's all they want!Copy !req
119. They're Schlemmer crazy,
these people.Copy !req
120. Kiell.Copy !req
121. The most brilliant thing
that pops upCopy !req
122. is obviously one's self.Copy !req
123. And what better thing to pop up on
than a pogo stick?Copy !req
124. IMPRESSED MURMURS
Ooh!Copy !req
125. We've found our level.Copy !req
126. Yes. Kiell has popped in
this pogo stick.Copy !req
127. I had a bit of fun.Copy !req
128. My parents genuinely got me
a pogo stick for Christmas.Copy !req
129. I'm 35 years old. I was like,
"Oh, what should I do with it?"Copy !req
130. And they were like,
"Bounce around with your friends."Copy !req
131. You might avoid being bottom
because I used to have a pogo stickCopy !req
132. and I quite liked it,
and that's the only reason.Copy !req
133. I really like the image of you
on a pogo stick.Copy !req
134. I was quite good.Copy !req
135. Got into a nasty accident with Mark.Copy !req
136. Landed on his foot, poor lad.Copy !req
137. Was he one of your students?Copy !req
138. Hi, Frankie.Copy !req
139. You must be feeling
pretty confident here.Copy !req
140. I have brought something
that pops up regularly in my house.Copy !req
141. I've tried to throw it out of my
house, I think, on three occasions,Copy !req
142. and it always returnsCopy !req
143. and I've ended up just hanging it
on the wall in my living room.Copy !req
144. And it is
this very sinister painting.Copy !req
145. Here it is.Copy !req
146. It is awful, but I sort of love it.Copy !req
147. Who's putting it up?Copy !req
148. The children deny...Copy !req
149. but they're not trustworthy.Copy !req
150. What is the least brilliant thing
that pops up, Greg?Copy !req
151. Well, what do you think? I
feel like it might be the Pop-Tart.Copy !req
152. It is. It just annoyed me.Copy !req
153. It's out. One point.
One point to Mae.Copy !req
154. Pogo stick, two points. Aw!Copy !req
155. Book, lazy, three points. Right.Copy !req
156. Unbelievably, a Whac-A-Mole
that he cut some faces out...Copy !req
157. I don't know why
it's got four points.Copy !req
158. Mae, you're right,
it's inconsistent. That's fine.Copy !req
159. Four to Ivo. And that painting
doesn't deserve any praise,Copy !req
160. but weirdly it's getting
five points. There. That's it.Copy !req
161. One, two, three, four,
five points for Frankie.Copy !req
162. Let's get tasking.Copy !req
163. Hmm, well, more like,
“Let's get pulping.”Copy !req
164. Hello, Alex. Hi, Jenny.
Please stand on the little circle.Copy !req
165. OK.Copy !req
166. What do you think this is?Copy !req
167. Frying pan.Copy !req
168. A Victorian satellite.Copy !req
169. I think this is a...
like a World War Il bomb.Copy !req
170. Be careful.
I'll put the safety gloves on.Copy !req
171. Of course, if it's a bomb.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
172. OK.Copy !req
173. "Rotate the pulper wheel
without pulping the egg.”Copy !req
174. "You must not move
from this spot at any point.Copy !req
175. "If you pulp the egg,
you are disqualified.”Copy !req
176. "Most rotations wins."Copy !req
177. "You have a maximum of ten minutes."Copy !req
178. Pulper wheel...Copy !req
179. Obviously.Copy !req
180. Then what's a pulper?Copy !req
181. I see no egg.Copy !req
182. This is a pulper. Right.Copy !req
183. And the egg's in it.Copy !req
184. Where? Wait, hang on,
what's a pulper?Copy !req
185. Obviously it's very tempting to go,Copy !req
186. "Ha-ha, he's lived his whole life
in cotton wool,Copy !req
187. "he's never used a pulper wheel."Copy !req
188. But even much more practical
contestants than me,Copy !req
189. this is their first time
doing this, I think.Copy !req
190. Can I say I don't know
what a pulper is?Copy !req
191. Have you said,
"Your time starts now," yet?Copy !req
192. No. I wouldn't dream of it. Mm.Copy !req
193. You're going to have to say,
"Your time starts now".Copy !req
194. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
195. Over this series, we're building up
a very clear pictureCopy !req
196. of what you were like as a child.Copy !req
197. I've met that boy so many times.Copy !req
198. HE GRUNTS MOCKINGLYCopy !req
199. Shall we start? Yes, let's start.Copy !req
200. We purchased a pulper,
and this is what's going to happen.Copy !req
201. First up, we're going to see
Kiell and FrankieCopy !req
202. starring in a little film
I've called Pulp Friction.Copy !req
203. The egg, you said,
is, what, inside?Copy !req
204. In the mouth of the pulper.Copy !req
205. Where's that?
I can't tell you any more.Copy !req
206. But I want to see.
You can't see it.Copy !req
207. How do I know it's there?
You'll have to take my word for it.Copy !req
208. Tried that before.Copy !req
209. So it's just a kind of
blind Schrodinger's egg?Copy !req
210. Exactly what it is.Copy !req
211. So what's the process? That?Copy !req
212. This?Copy !req
213. The pulper machine... Yes.
.. has a knuckled rotating drumCopy !req
214. that, as it rotates,
presses the cherriesCopy !req
215. across an iron faceplate...Copy !req
216. It might be a different one.Copy !req
217. The pulper drives the impeller
to rotate through the motorCopy !req
218. and the slurry in the tank
is sucked out.Copy !req
219. What's a slurry?Copy !req
220. Oh, yeah.
SMALL THUDCopy !req
221. Oh, I hear the eqgg.Copy !req
222. CREAKINGCopy !req
223. CLATTERINGCopy !req
224. Quarter of a turn.Copy !req
225. You reckon that was the egg?Copy !req
226. Does it sound like an egg? Mm.Copy !req
227. Or a calculator.Copy !req
228. OBJECTS BANG AND CLATTERCopy !req
229. That's one rotation.Copy !req
230. I mean, it can't be pulped
if it's making that much noise.Copy !req
231. I mean, that's another way
of looking at it.Copy !req
232. METALLIC SCRAPING AND CLATTERINGCopy !req
233. I don't think that was the egg.Copy !req
234. Right, that's half a rotation.Copy !req
235. I wonder, if it goes faster,
it's less likely to break?Copy !req
236. Yeah, I think the lack of speed
is the problem.Copy !req
237. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
238. CLATTERINGCopy !req
239. PULPER SQUEALSCopy !req
240. CLATTERINGCopy !req
241. I know what that was.Copy !req
242. Plastic chair.Copy !req
243. A plastic chair, OK.Copy !req
244. You're on 8 rotations.Copy !req
245. Stopping there?Copy !req
246. Yeah, I think that's pretty good.Copy !req
247. Nothing there.Copy !req
248. SQUEALING AND CLATTERINGCopy !req
249. It's gone.Copy !req
250. Are you stopping there?
Yeah, it's gone.Copy !req
251. 234 rotations.Copy !req
252. This is the first time they've seen
the interior of the pulper.Copy !req
253. So they were blind, obviously,
and the... the more you spun it,Copy !req
254. the higher the egg got
towards danger.Copy !req
255. That's how it worked.Copy !req
256. Ah. Oh.Copy !req
257. 8% turns, then, is quite an
impressive bit of pre-pulp spinning.Copy !req
258. Brinkmanship.Copy !req
259. The egg survived for both of them.Copy !req
260. We've got a score of 82 versus 2%,
but they're both still in play.Copy !req
261. I put it to you, Kiell, that,Copy !req
262. throughout the task
and indeed when you left,Copy !req
263. you didn't know what was going on.Copy !req
264. I still don't know
what a pulper is.Copy !req
265. We wanna show more? Yeah.Copy !req
266. OK. Next up to the pulperCopy !req
267. are Jenny and Mae.Copy !req
268. Right, so the egg is in the machine.Copy !req
269. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
270. I'm gonna go very gently.Copy !req
271. LOUD CLATTERINGCopy !req
272. That's the egg.Copy !req
273. I haven't even done
a single rotation yet, have 1?Copy !req
274. No.Copy !req
275. Oh, fuck it, pulp the egg!Copy !req
276. I just want to pulp it
pulp the stupid egg!Copy !req
277. Yeah, get the egg pulped.
I'm not gonna win anyway.Copy !req
278. CLATTERINGCopy !req
279. There's no way that egg
is not pulped.Copy !req
280. That's one rotation.Copy !req
281. I'm gonna pulp this eqgg,
get it pulped!Copy !req
282. I want it smashed to smithereens.Copy !req
283. You've still got nine minutes.Copy !req
284. What? I can't keep this up
for another nine.Copy !req
285. In the olden days,
is this what the pulpers did?Copy !req
286. Pulpers would come home
to their wives.Copy !req
287. The wives would be like,
"Did you pulp the egg?”Copy !req
288. And they'd be like,
"I did eight rotations."Copy !req
289. Alex, I want ten.Copy !req
290. You want ten? OK. Ten rotations.Copy !req
291. It's smashed, isn't it?
The egg's smashed.Copy !req
292. That's 11.Copy !req
293. I think an egg could survive this.Copy !req
294. It's not the eqq.Copy !req
295. 13. I'll stop on 13.Copy !req
296. That's 13. OK. Yeah? Yeah.Copy !req
297. Thanks, Jenny.Copy !req
298. How long?Copy !req
299. You've got just 30 seconds.Copy !req
300. I will just kick myself ifCopy !req
301. I hadn't pulped it
and I stopped turning.Copy !req
302. I'm intrigued by the characters
that you created during that,Copy !req
303. Mr and Mrs Egg Pulper.Copy !req
304. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where are they from, that couple?Copy !req
305. Wherever Nancy from Oliver Twist
is from.Copy !req
306. Ah. They're all... Yeah.Copy !req
307. "Oh!"
Like that.Copy !req
308. I mean, I really enjoyed that.Copy !req
309. They did very well
but also very badly,Copy !req
310. which means Kiell
is still in second place.Copy !req
311. And sometimes it doesn't matter if
you don't understand the task.Copy !req
312. Right, Part One is about
to have it on its toes.Copy !req
313. Open the back door to the vanCopy !req
314. and we'll bundle Part Two
in shortly. Bye.Copy !req
315. GUITAR STRUMS, DRUM THUDS,
HARMONICA HONKSCopy !req
316. HORN HONKS REPEATEDLYCopy !req
317. Oh, yes. Hello, we're back.
It's the second part of the showCopy !req
318. and there's a really noisy task
in motionCopy !req
319. to test the bravery
of our quivering quintet.Copy !req
320. Yes, they're proactive pulpers,
that's for sure.Copy !req
321. None of them knew what was happening
inside the machineCopy !req
322. but they knew they needed to
keep their eggs intact as all costs.Copy !req
323. So far, there have been
two successfulCopy !req
324. and two unsuccessful attempts,Copy !req
325. so here's lvo Graham
to upset the balance.Copy !req
326. I haven't been very good
at lateral thinking tasksCopy !req
327. and I haven't been very good
at egg tasks.Copy !req
328. But I'm gonna find the eqgqg.Copy !req
329. Can I move this spot?Copy !req
330. All of the information
is on the task. Well, yeah, but...Copy !req
331. Are you now better informed?Copy !req
332. No, I wish I hadn't
seen all this, really.Copy !req
333. Ooh!Copy !req
334. You've got five minutes left. Yep.Copy !req
335. Let's get pulping.Copy !req
336. CLATTERINGCopy !req
337. You've got three minutes left.Copy !req
338. 30. 307Copy !req
339. 31. 33.Copy !req
340. Ten seconds. The last pulp.Copy !req
341. WHISTLE BLOWSCopy !req
342. I felt some weird level of prideCopy !req
343. watching the Ivo frog
bounce his way round.Copy !req
344. I think there was immense dignity
watching my body spasmCopy !req
345. with a gloved egg in my mouth.Copy !req
346. So it wasn't cheating?Copy !req
347. You just had to stay on the spot
at all times.Copy !req
348. Oh, shit!
Why didn't I think of that?Copy !req
349. Well, he clearly rotated it
more than anyone else.Copy !req
350. 56 times. Congratulations, Ivo.Copy !req
351. So Jenny and Mae don't get
any points, apologies.Copy !req
352. Three points to Kiell,
four to Frankie,Copy !req
353. but, of course, five to Ivo Graham!Copy !req
354. Let's have the scoreboard, nice boy.Copy !req
355. OK, it means that those two,
Frankie and Ivo,Copy !req
356. are in the joint leading spots -
nine points each. Mm!Copy !req
357. I think it's about time
we had another team task.Copy !req
358. Ooh, I do too, Greg.
It feels so right.Copy !req
359. So here's a pretty sweet one
just for you.Copy !req
360. Hiya.Copy !req
361. Frankie.Copy !req
362. Hello, Ivo. Hello.Copy !req
363. Oh, my goodness.
This has gone a bit S&M-y.Copy !req
364. OK.Copy !req
365. Hello. Ooh!Copy !req
366. It's you first.Copy !req
367. Me? Mm-hm.Copy !req
368. Do we have a safe word?Copy !req
369. You've done this before?Copy !req
370. Yeah, I'm really at home.Copy !req
371. Right. Jenny?Copy !req
372. Well, I've been arrested, obviously,Copy !req
373. but I haven't done sex games
with these.Copy !req
374. Couple more things.Copy !req
375. Jelly babies?Copy !req
376. Are they jelly babies? Yeah.Copy !req
377. They're numbered - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.Copy !req
378. "Completely free yourselves
and have a team hug."Copy !req
379. "Fastest team hug wins."Copy !req
380. "Your times starts... now."Copy !req
381. OK, OK. So there's a 1 on hereCopy !req
382. and is there another number
on this one?Copy !req
383. This is 2.Copy !req
384. Hmm.Copy !req
385. Well, Jenny Eclair is the chirpiest
S&M-er I've ever met.Copy !req
386. Fun! Listen,
let's focus on the task.Copy !req
387. OK, right. I'm looking forward
to seeing them free themselves.Copy !req
388. OK, let's see the handcuffed
threesome of Mae, Jenny and Kiell.Copy !req
389. There's a key here.Copy !req
390. Kiell, can you reach the key?
Let's try.Copy !req
391. Stretch, come on.Copy !req
392. That's definitely impossible.Copy !req
393. So let's think for a minute.
I'm gonna count my 2s.Copy !req
394. I've got 15 in here.Copy !req
395. One...Copy !req
396. Hey, what's that? Menu.Copy !req
397. Oh, OK, so these are different
flavoured jelly babies.Copy !req
398. OK, well, I'm gonna bite the head
off one, see if I got a flavour.Copy !req
399. Four...Copy !req
400. Oh, Jesus Christ,
that's the most disgusting thingCopy !req
401. I've ever eaten in my life. Six.Copy !req
402. I think it might be chicken feet.Copy !req
403. Urgh!Copy !req
404. Would you like to have
the bottom half? No.Copy !req
405. 15 in here too.
I'm gonna eat one of these.Copy !req
406. Wait, but what is the point?
Because you want to or what?Copy !req
407. Is there a plan behind it?Copy !req
408. This is a five-digit code
and there's five glasses.Copy !req
409. But then what does it prove?Copy !req
410. We're gonna have to figure
out what flavour all these areCopy !req
411. and then we're gonna have to use
those. But those aren't numbered.Copy !req
412. But that will correspond
with the periodic table somehow.Copy !req
413. I love your brain. Before I bite
anything, I need to know...Copy !req
414. Urgh! Yeah, that's
what I'm trying to avoid.Copy !req
415. This is wasabi... Wasabi. OK.Copy !req
416. Wait, but what do you mean OK?
Like OK, and then what?Copy !req
417. That's gonna correspond with that.
Like, maybe the initials of it?Copy !req
418. What's W?Copy !req
419. 74.Copy !req
420. Urgh! Is it awful?Copy !req
421. It's mint and gravy.
I'm going mint and gravy.Copy !req
422. It's mint and gravy. Urgh!Copy !req
423. So you had wasabi?Copy !req
424. I think I'm going to be sick.Copy !req
425. Mint and gravy,
which is Mg, which is Magnesium.Copy !req
426. And what number? 12. OK.Copy !req
427. So you think that I should have 12
and then go to the... the 747Copy !req
428. Yes, so 1-2-7-4.Copy !req
429. 7-4, OK.Copy !req
430. I'm going to keep eating them.Copy !req
431. Number three is green.Copy !req
432. You can do it.Copy !req
433. Hold on. Mae, if I do it one by one,
it's gonna give us a clueCopy !req
434. to what it might be, cos at some
point... Oh, that's really clever.Copy !req
435. Oh! Ha! Yes. What was it?Copy !req
436. 0. It was O, OK.
So what starts with a zero?Copy !req
437. What starts with a zero?Copy !req
438. Er, so it can be bacon and kale,
it could be broccoli.Copy !req
439. Is that the green one?
Could it be broccoli?Copy !req
440. That's a B. Er, 0-5.Copy !req
441. So we'll start with 5 on
the next lot. We're on to... OK.Copy !req
442. It's very bad. It's really weird.Copy !req
443. This is definitely
pepper and beetroot.Copy !req
444. Oh, that's definitely beetroot.Copy !req
445. Lead. 82.Copy !req
446. And then the next one was...Copy !req
447. seaweed. Urgh!Copy !req
448. Oh, seaweed! I've got it.
I've just got it.Copy !req
449. A real hit. Yes, it's seaweed.Copy !req
450. Er, 16.Copy !req
451. Wahey!Copy !req
452. There you go. Well done, well done.Copy !req
453. Team hug. Oh, team hug!Copy !req
454. Is it fair to say that Jenny and MaeCopy !req
455. were the most active members
of the escape committee?Copy !req
456. What-what I will say is that
that has been edited... Yeah.Copy !req
457. very, very nicely in my favour,Copy !req
458. because I was a monster
in that room.Copy !req
459. I'm so glad they cut it out,
cos it was really tense.Copy !req
460. I... I wasn't putting fucking
broccoli jelly babies in my mouth.Copy !req
461. I mean, that much
quickly became apparent.Copy !req
462. It was a very difficult task.Copy !req
463. Er, they took the same amount of timeCopy !req
464. you could listen to All That I Want
Is Another Baby five times -Copy !req
465. 17 minutes 50.Copy !req
466. OK, time for a break.Copy !req
467. Just time for those couples watchingCopy !req
468. who let the family dog
sleep in the same bed as themCopy !req
469. to reflect on the dayCopy !req
470. you threw the towel
in on your love life. Bye!Copy !req
471. Hello, and a warm welcome back
to Part Three. Tell me stuff, Alex.Copy !req
472. Sure, Greg. Well, jelly babies,
the periodic table, handcuffsCopy !req
473. and the ultimate goal of a hug.Copy !req
474. That's a typical day for me.
Coincidentally, they're alsoCopy !req
475. the main ingredients of
the current team task,Copy !req
476. but how quickly will the intelligent
team of Frankie and IvoCopy !req
477. work out the conundrum,
release themselves from the cuffsCopy !req
478. and embrace victorious?Copy !req
479. Let's find out.Copy !req
480. Right. Shall we both have a 5?Copy !req
481. Sure, OK.Copy !req
482. Hmm, that's quite unpleasant,
isn't it?Copy !req
483. Green...Copy !req
484. Might be broccoli.Copy !req
485. In fact, it is broccoli, I think.
OK.Copy !req
486. Number four is hot.
See what you think.Copy !req
487. Urgh! Really fucking unpleasant.Copy !req
488. Could be cumin and radish?
Cumin and radish.Copy !req
489. There must be a Cr.Copy !req
490. So maybe broccoli was B.Copy !req
491. So if we took that as five...Copy !req
492. Yeah, Cr, Chromium - 24.Copy !req
493. But how does that help us?
Cos that gives us two digits?Copy !req
494. Unless we add them together.Copy !req
495. Why don't we add two and four
together to make six?Copy !req
496. Let's see what number three is.Copy !req
497. This doesn't have a lot of taste
to it. Mint and gravy?Copy !req
498. Yep.Copy !req
499. Magnesium, which is 12.
Mint and gravy.Copy !req
500. So we add those together,
that would be three.Copy !req
501. No. I reckon if you just laid out
the ten numbers,Copy !req
502. the first five would be padlock oneCopy !req
503. and the second five
would be padlock two.Copy !req
504. Well, that's complicated things.Copy !req
505. I think both the padlocks
will be the same.Copy !req
506. INCORRECT BUZZER
You know what I mean?Copy !req
507. Close your eyes.Copy !req
508. Pepper and beetroot, maybe?Copy !req
509. Pb.Copy !req
510. 82 would give us 10,
which is a two-digit number,Copy !req
511. which is no use
in this five-digit debacle.Copy !req
512. You love adding
those numbers together.Copy !req
513. It... You know, it does seemCopy !req
514. a waste of, you know,
all these-two digit elements.Copy !req
515. Well, OK, that's the strategy.Copy !req
516. I've got so much respect for you,
Frankie,Copy !req
517. but I don't think
it's adding the numbers together.Copy !req
518. I've never thought that.Copy !req
519. Your system or mine?Copy !req
520. Well, let's go with yours, man.Copy !req
521. OK so 1-2-7-4.Copy !req
522. Broccoli, B,
so the last number is O.Copy !req
523. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
524. And now... I was so wrong.Copy !req
525. Er, start with a 5. 8-2.Copy !req
526. Great ready to hug, Frankie.Copy !req
527. There's the 1.Copy !req
528. Here comes the 6.Copy !req
529. Er, you're not completely freed.Copy !req
530. Oh, oh, right.Copy !req
531. Where might the key be?Copy !req
532. There's no key here.Copy !req
533. Oh, in a jelly baby thing?Copy !req
534. It's not fair that you shouldCopy !req
535. make a task feel
so like it's finally finishedCopy !req
536. and then it just be getting started.Copy !req
537. It's right there above
the periodic table!Copy !req
538. This has turned into quite
a begrudging hug, I'm afraid.Copy !req
539. Not for me, baby.Copy !req
540. Both hugs for me - adorable.Copy !req
541. The handcuffed hug particularly.Copy !req
542. You felt reticent
to point out to FrankieCopy !req
543. that his system was incorrect?Copy !req
544. Well, obviously,
there was a period whereCopy !req
545. there was a very strong chance that
Frankie's system might be correct.Copy !req
546. It's co-pilot syndrome, isn't it?Copy !req
547. You know, a lot
of plane crashes happenCopy !req
548. because the co-pilot is too scared
to say to the brash pilot,Copy !req
549. "Look we're gonna hit
the fucking ground here, mate."Copy !req
550. And I was that guy.Copy !req
551. "Neeeeyow!"Copy !req
552. And during it,Copy !req
553. I asked Alex to isolate
a picture of the co-pilot's faceCopy !req
554. when he knew that he had the answerCopy !req
555. but wasn't sure
he should say anything.Copy !req
556. This is the face. Yep.Copy !req
557. Let's talk about points.Copy !req
558. OK, the team of three tookCopy !req
559. 17 minutes and 50 seconds.Copy !req
560. The team of two took 42 minutes
and...Copy !req
561. I'm guessing five points
for the team of three.Copy !req
562. Of course it is.Copy !req
563. The team of two did achieve
the task eventually.Copy !req
564. Oh, yeah, there's points.
What do they get?Copy !req
565. I can't give them any more
than two points for that.Copy !req
566. All right, five points
to the team of three,Copy !req
567. two to the team of two! Very nice.Copy !req
568. Can we fit one more task in, please?Copy !req
569. Definitely, Greg,
and this one begins with themCopy !req
570. making some very important decisions.Copy !req
571. This gold pen reminds me of school.Copy !req
572. Like, one boy in the year
would have a gold pen.Copy !req
573. I'd have it by the end of the year,
though.Copy !req
574. Oh.Copy !req
575. "Write down a number
between 0 and 100."Copy !req
576. "A length of time
between 1 minute and 20 minutes."Copy !req
577. "Five ingredients."Copy !req
578. "A country, a noun.”Copy !req
579. "And an adjective.”Copy !req
580. This seems too simple.Copy !req
581. "You have three minutes."Copy !req
582. "Your time starts now."Copy !req
583. Why does that seem so easy?Copy !req
584. Well, then what
do I have to do with it?Copy !req
585. Presumably there's some trick
involved.Copy !req
586. Number between 0-100, 50.Copy !req
587. 80.Copy !req
588. 42. Meaning of life.Copy !req
589. 75.Copy !req
590. 77 Lovely.Copy !req
591. A length of time between
1 minute and 20 minutes.Copy !req
592. Two minutes.Copy !req
593. 15 minutes.Copy !req
594. 19 minutes.Copy !req
595. 4 minutes, 20 seconds.Copy !req
596. Also meaning of life.Copy !req
597. 21 seconds.Copy !req
598. 1 minute and 21 seconds.Copy !req
599. Five ingredients.Copy !req
600. These ingredients are gonna
bounce back and hit me in the face.Copy !req
601. Chilli. Cherries.Copy !req
602. Sausage, ketchup, bun,
mustard, grilled onions.Copy !req
603. You know what that means?Copy !req
604. Er, no?Copy !req
605. Hot dog. Ah.Copy !req
606. Basil. Cumin.Copy !req
607. Garlic. Salt.Copy !req
608. And...Copy !req
609. cannellini beans.Copy !req
610. A country? Scotland. France.Copy !req
611. Guatemala.Copy !req
612. Kenya. Germany.
I used to live there.Copy !req
613. A noun. Duck.Copy !req
614. Duck. Shoe.Copy !req
615. Dog.Copy !req
616. Bench.Copy !req
617. Large.Copy !req
618. Splendid.Copy !req
619. Feisty.Copy !req
620. 12 seconds. Oh. Cowering.Copy !req
621. Gold.Copy !req
622. Is this a trick?Copy !req
623. Hmm...Copy !req
624. See you later, then. All right.Copy !req
625. PEN CLICKSCopy !req
626. Now, the adjectives are more
interesting than the nouns.Copy !req
627. Duck, duck, shoe, dog, bench
is what they've gone for.Copy !req
628. But two of them went for duck -
the first noun that came. Yeah.Copy !req
629. There were a lot of ducks
around the house, though -Copy !req
630. that may be something to do with it.Copy !req
631. There were? Like Li...?Copy !req
632. No, not real ducks. Oh, OK!Copy !req
633. Shall we start with
the double duckers? Double duckers.Copy !req
634. Yes, well they both choose duck
as their go-to noun,Copy !req
635. so let's see Ivo and Mae together.Copy !req
636. Hello. Hi.Copy !req
637. If it isn't
my dream five ingredients.Copy !req
638. "Make a splendid Guatemalan duck.”Copy !req
639. "Make a feisty French duck."Copy !req
640. "You must use all these ingredients
and you must also clap 80 times."Copy !req
641. "And you must also clap 42 times.Copy !req
642. "You have four minutes
and 20 seconds."Copy !req
643. "You have 19 minutes.
Your time starts now."Copy !req
644. I could have picked any noun
and I picked duck, so...Copy !req
645. Which is a food.Copy !req
646. .8, 9, 80.Copy !req
647. That would be good news
if any of this was duck.Copy !req
648. Smells good.Copy !req
649. Does it? Yeah, sweetcorn.Copy !req
650. Sure I saw a duck.Copy !req
651. What I need is to make
a mould of a duck.Copy !req
652. Christ! The time!Copy !req
653. That's a duck.Copy !req
654. Good, really good.Copy !req
655. No, no, not so good.Copy !req
656. Why didn't I just ask for more time
when I designed my own task?Copy !req
657. Oh, it's burning. It's burning.Copy !req
658. French duck.Copy !req
659. Oh...
GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATIONCopy !req
660. Um... so what else is... er...?Copy !req
661. I think this is all
about confidence.Copy !req
662. Um, I think I've just got to
do it all on the duck, to be honest.Copy !req
663. WHISTLE BLOWSCopy !req
664. Good evening.Copy !req
665. Good evening, Mae.Copy !req
666. I've made for you
a splendid Guatemalan duck.Copy !req
667. Bonjour, Alex. Bonjour, Ivo.Copy !req
668. You have been busy.Copy !req
669. Too late to pop a little beret on?Copy !req
670. Do you see the beak?Copy !req
671. Do I see the wings?Copy !req
672. Er, they were removed.Copy !req
673. It's Guatemalan
because of this sauce, is it?Copy !req
674. And corn comes from
Central America. Mm-hm.Copy !req
675. Splendid.Copy !req
676. Why is he French?Copy !req
677. Well, the garlic is obviously
doing some pretty heavy lifting.Copy !req
678. It's too heavy to hang around
the neck, unfortunately.Copy !req
679. He's got a beret on,Copy !req
680. but I did forget
to do all my claps.Copy !req
681. Yeah, it's good. Really?Copy !req
682. Yeah. I like it.Copy !req
683. Thank you!Copy !req
684. Mae, I put it to you that
your duck mould was no more usefulCopy !req
685. than just chucking two piles
of sweetcorn onto a plate.Copy !req
686. Yeah. Did you think the end result
was splendid?Copy !req
687. Actually, Alex, like,
went back for a second bite.Copy !req
688. Like, it was not that bad, was it?Copy !req
689. He'll eat anything, though.
All of that is true.Copy !req
690. You won't eat ANYTHING will you,
though, Alex?Copy !req
691. I didn't see you sort
of tucking in to my...Copy !req
692. All I could do, surely,
was lick your duck.Copy !req
693. Niftily moving that spot around the
pulper feels a long time ago now.Copy !req
694. It does make me feel
quite sorry for you sometimes,Copy !req
695. when you grip your head...
Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
696. like a chimpanzee
whose habitat is under threat.Copy !req
697. Oh, dear.
Right, there's just one part left,Copy !req
698. and in it, someone will win
today's competitionCopy !req
699. and scream, "Yes! At last, I've won
a Professor Brian Cox Pop-TartCopy !req
700. "and a pogo stick! Whoo!"Copy !req
701. DRUM THUDSCopy !req
702. Hello again!Copy !req
703. Welcome back to the final instalment
of today's show.Copy !req
704. Alex, can you please sum up
your break for me in one word?Copy !req
705. Plop.Copy !req
706. Rather than go into detail,
let's get the current task finished.Copy !req
707. The comics wrote down
some numbers, some ingredients,Copy !req
708. a country, a noun, and an adjective,Copy !req
709. all to give them the chance
to make the next part of the taskCopy !req
710. nice and easy for them.Copy !req
711. Here's Frankie making a dog,Copy !req
712. Jenny making a shoe,
and Kiell making a bench.Copy !req
713. So these are the things
I mentioned earlier. It was a trick.Copy !req
714. "Make a large Scottish dog.”Copy !req
715. "Make a cowering Kenyan bench.”Copy !req
716. "Make a Gold German shoe."Copy !req
717. "You must use
all these ingredients.”Copy !req
718. "And you must also
clap seven times."Copy !req
719. "50 times."Copy !req
720. "75 times.Copy !req
721. "You have 15 minutes.
Most accurate creation wins."Copy !req
722. "1 minute and 21 seconds."Copy !req
723. Two minutes?Copy !req
724. Yeah, that's what you wanted.Copy !req
725. Oh, God.Copy !req
726. "Your time starts... now."Copy !req
727. You've got just over a minute left.Copy !req
728. Oh, what?Copy !req
729. MICROWAVE BEEPSCopy !req
730. I'm gonna cook that fucking potato
cos it's got to be edible.Copy !req
731. We've got an eye.Copy !req
732. Oh, man.Copy !req
733. There is a gold shoe outside.Copy !req
734. Mein gelb Schuh, bitte. JawohlCopy !req
735. I was hoping
that would look like a tailCopy !req
736. but it just looks like
he's sort of shat everywhere.Copy !req
737. You have 30 seconds.Copy !req
738. That goes in there like that.Copy !req
739. WHISTLE BLOWSCopy !req
740. Hello, Frankie. Hi.Copy !req
741. What have you made me?
I've made you a large Scottish dog.Copy !req
742. Look, there's
the St Andrew's flag there.Copy !req
743. Oh, to show that it's Scottish?Copy !req
744. Yeah, but what's showing
that it's a dog?Copy !req
745. Um...Copy !req
746. Das Dinner ist here.Copy !req
747. It's a slightly undercooked
chilli con carne. Oh.Copy !req
748. I'd eat with caution and milk.Copy !req
749. I normally do.Copy !req
750. It's a cowering Kenyan bench.Copy !req
751. Please can you show me
the Kenyan aspect?Copy !req
752. It's difficult to see
with the human eyeCopy !req
753. but on every part
of those grilled onions,Copy !req
754. it says, "Nairobi."Copy !req
755. Oh, does it? And cowering?Copy !req
756. It's hiding from this guy.Copy !req
757. It's not really a sort of
eating situation, is it?Copy !req
758. Very nice. Is it?Copy !req
759. This might be my perfect meal.Copy !req
760. Taste of Africa?Copy !req
761. It's delicious.Copy !req
762. Well, I suppose the obvious question
is to Frankie, and it's, um...Copy !req
763. have you ever seen a dog before?Copy !req
764. The big red eyes of a Scottish dog.Copy !req
765. A singular, big, red eye
of the floury Scottish dog.Copy !req
766. And in what way is chilli con carne
stuck in a shoe German?Copy !req
767. Other than you kept speaking likeCopy !req
768. a cast member of 'Allo 'Allo,
of course.Copy !req
769. I just was trying my best.Copy !req
770. I know that you're going to tell me
something that's so awful.Copy !req
771. I don't think I clapped,
I don't think I fucking clapped.Copy !req
772. I don't think I clapped.
Did I clap? I didn't clap.Copy !req
773. Jenny, not only did you not clap,Copy !req
774. you finished with one minute to go
and sat down.Copy !req
775. Kiel|, I have to say,
it was pretty impressiveCopy !req
776. that he managed to create that,Copy !req
777. and I did understand the imagery
as well.Copy !req
778. I mean, I maybe questioned
whether he'd had timeCopy !req
779. to engrave Nairobi onto the onions.Copy !req
780. It's hard to see.Copy !req
781. I genuinely was quite impressed.Copy !req
782. Was Jenny's chilli nice?Copy !req
783. The task wasn't really about
whether it tasted nice.Copy !req
784. I didn't have to eat them.Copy !req
785. No, I was just making conversation,
you bell end. Oh, right.Copy !req
786. Go on, let's get on, if you like.Copy !req
787. Here are all five.Copy !req
788. Pay close attention to Frankie's,
top left.Copy !req
789. Also, he didn't clap,Copy !req
790. so it's not that relevant.Copy !req
791. Well, they're all so wonderful,Copy !req
792. I feel a bit mean giving zero.Copy !req
793. I would give the people
who didn't clap one charity point.Copy !req
794. So, the top row - Frankie, Ivo,
and Jenny - all one point.Copy !req
795. And the other two... I'm sure I'll
be judged very harshly for this,Copy !req
796. but I am more impressed
by the bench. I am.Copy !req
797. It took only a minute.Copy !req
798. Kiell gets five points!Copy !req
799. I need a scoreboard update, please.Copy !req
800. In this episode, Greg,Copy !req
801. two people who've not won a show yet
could do.Copy !req
802. Kiell's in the lead on 15.Copy !req
803. Frankie's in joint second on 12.Copy !req
804. Right, then. You know the drill.Copy !req
805. Please vacate those seats
for the final task of the show!Copy !req
806. Hello, young man.Copy !req
807. My tongue is still sore.Copy !req
808. Who will read the task out?Copy !req
809. Mae Martin, please.Copy !req
810. Say the word given to you
by the TaskmasterCopy !req
811. in the accent
on the card you choose.Copy !req
812. The Taskmaster will guess
what accent you're doing.Copy !req
813. Highest score
after three rounds wins.Copy !req
814. I hope Brian Cox
is one of the options.Copy !req
815. Are you ready for the first word?Copy !req
816. Yes. They've all been given
a country.Copy !req
817. We're going to start with Mae,
and go from right to left.Copy !req
818. What's the first word, Greg?Copy !req
819. Taskmaster.Copy !req
820. Taskmaster.Copy !req
821. Where is Mae from?Copy !req
822. Scotland.Copy !req
823. Let's see on the card.Copy !req
824. Oh!
Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
825. My whole family are from Wales,
Mae.Copy !req
826. Next up, it's Kiell.Copy !req
827. Kiell, good luck.Copy !req
828. Tiskmester.Copy !req
829. South Africa.Copy !req
830. What's the country, Kiell?Copy !req
831. New Zealand.Copy !req
832. Oh!Copy !req
833. Jenny's turn.Copy !req
834. Tashkmashter.Copy !req
835. Norwegian.Copy !req
836. Sweden.Copy !req
837. It's so close.Copy !req
838. It is so close. Very close.Copy !req
839. Ivo's turn.Copy !req
840. Taskmaster.Copy !req
841. Is Disney a country?Copy !req
842. Generic American in there. America?Copy !req
843. Sorry, Mae.Copy !req
844. Canada. Oh, close.Copy !req
845. It sort of is generic America,
isn't it?Copy !req
846. AUDIENCE JEERS
No, Alex.Copy !req
847. Frankie, you all right? Could get
the first point in Round One.Copy !req
848. Taskmaster!Copy !req
849. He's from Ireland.Copy !req
850. It is from the Republic of Ireland.Copy !req
851. Oh, well done.Copy !req
852. So now I'm going to give you a city.Copy !req
853. What do they have
to say this time, Greg?Copy !req
854. They have to say my full name,
Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
855. Good luck, Mae.Copy !req
856. Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
857. Good.Copy !req
858. Glasgow.Copy !req
859. It is...Copy !req
860. Glasgow!Copy !req
861. Kiell.Copy !req
862. Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
863. Los Angeles. Yes.Copy !req
864. Let's see.Copy !req
865. Good luck, Jenny.Copy !req
866. Mr...Copy !req
867. Gregory...Copy !req
868. Daniel Davies?Copy !req
869. It's the only one I can't do.Copy !req
870. I don't think the squat is relevant.Copy !req
871. I don't know. I mean, Moscow?Copy !req
872. Twinned with...Copy !req
873. I apologise to Newcastle,
a city I love.Copy !req
874. Oh, wow. That's sensational.Copy !req
875. Ivo.Copy !req
876. Mistah Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
877. I think that's Ivo trying
to sound likeCopy !req
878. a street-tough New Yorker.Copy !req
879. I'm sticking with it. New York.Copy !req
880. I'm always trying to be
street-tough.Copy !req
881. It's New York!Copy !req
882. Frankie.Copy !req
883. Mr Gregory Daniel Davies.Copy !req
884. Absolutely easy. Belfast.Copy !req
885. He's the impressionist!Copy !req
886. Man of a thousand voice...
Two. Two voices!Copy !req
887. So Round Three's a little different.Copy !req
888. This time, it's walking.Copy !req
889. On these cards we've got
all your names and our names.Copy !req
890. They are in there several times,Copy !req
891. so you might have
the same ones twice.Copy !req
892. Greg's gonna try to spot
the person by the walk.Copy !req
893. Mae's going to start, right? Yes.Copy !req
894. OK. Good luck.Copy !req
895. Whilst I personally
don't think this is accurate...Copy !req
896. Jenny Eclair.Copy !req
897. Are we correct? Yeah.Copy !req
898. Kiell.Copy !req
899. Well, I presume it's a repeat.Copy !req
900. It is possible that it's a repeat.Copy !req
901. OK, I'll roll the dice.Copy !req
902. That was poor Jenny again.Copy !req
903. She has become Poor Jenny.
He's correct.Copy !req
904. You know when laughing and tears
are really, really close?Copy !req
905. Good luck. I'd love it if it's you.Copy !req
906. I know that subservient gait.Copy !req
907. Alex Horne.Copy !req
908. Yes! It was Alex Horne!Copy !req
909. Jenny's off the mark. Now, Ivo.Copy !req
910. It was the, in my opinion,
very graceful...Copy !req
911. Jenny Eclair.Copy !req
912. When does this cross into bullying?Copy !req
913. I've already lost the episode,
I just wanted to have a go at it.Copy !req
914. Oh, lovely. One left.Copy !req
915. Frankie, with an unblemished
score sheet...Copy !req
916. Frankie, roll the Jenny Eclair dice.Copy !req
917. I think Frankie was doing Kiell.Copy !req
918. Mae Martin.Copy !req
919. And there we are.Copy !req
920. We'll add all that to the final
scores and see where we get to.Copy !req
921. Come on down and join me.Copy !req
922. One of your bestest tasks. Good boy.Copy !req
923. Thanks, mate.
Oh, can I call you mate?Copy !req
924. "Thanks, mate"? No. No.Copy !req
925. Yes, well, Kiell, Mae,
and Frankie came joint first -Copy !req
926. they each got two out of the three,Copy !req
927. so they get five points each.
Well done them.Copy !req
928. Unfortunately,
thanks to Ivo throwing a goCopy !req
929. and Jenny's Newcastle abomination,
they come joint fourth,Copy !req
930. so get two points each.
There we go.Copy !req
931. They still did very well.Copy !req
932. We have a new winner.
Never guess who it is.Copy !req
933. With 20 points,Copy !req
934. it's Kiell Smith-Bynoe! Oh!Copy !req
935. Kiell Smith-Bynoe wins!Copy !req
936. Please pop up
to collect your pop-up prizes.Copy !req
937. See you again soon,Copy !req
938. but, please, let's hear it once more
for tonight's winner,Copy !req
939. Kiell Smith-Bynoe!Copy !req