Taskmaster 15x2

1. Brace, brace! I'm bracing.

2. LOUD CRASH

3. Hm.

4. His programme contains strong language and adult humour

5. His programme contains strong language and adult humour

6. No, no, no, no, no!

7. No!

8. Ahh!

9. What?

10. Hello! I'm Greg Davies, and this is Taskmaster,

11. Hello! I'm Greg Davies, and this is Taskmaster,

12. the modern-day equivalent of the Colosseum -

13. the modern-day equivalent of the Colosseum -

14. but instead of swords, we use tasks,

15. and instead of lions, we also use tasks.

16. And, rather than contestants fighting each other for

17. And, rather than contestants fighting each other for

18. a life of respect and riches,

19. they're trying to get a rubbish trophy.

20. they're trying to get a rubbish trophy.

21. It's nothing like the Colosseum, happy now?

22. It's nothing like the Colosseum, happy now?

23. How about you shut your sweet mouth?

24. How about you try writing 15 series' worth of intros?

25. How about you try writing 15 series' worth of intros?

26. Too busy going for a meal with Debbie, aren't you, huh?

27. Too busy going for a meal with Debbie, aren't you, huh?

28. Yeah! I see you!

29. Yeah! I see you!

30. Please welcome our gladiators of tasking,

31. Please welcome our gladiators of tasking,

32. Frankie Boyle...

33. .. Ivo Graham...

34. .. Ivo Graham...

35. .. Jenny Eclair...

36. .. Kiell Smith-Bynoe...

37. .. Kiell Smith-Bynoe...

38. .. and Mae Martin!

39. .. and Mae Martin!

40. And, sitting next to me, a man who confided in me

41. And, sitting next to me, a man who confided in me

42. that he sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic

43. that he sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic

44. because it makes him feel like he's in charge of all women.

45. because it makes him feel like he's in charge of all women.

46. It's...

47. It's...

48. .. little Alex Horne!

49. Hi, Greg. Hiya.

50. Hi, Greg. Hiya.

51. Are you ready for another brand-new game show?

52. Are you ready for another brand-new game show?

53. It's called Two Lies And A Truth.

54. It's called Two Lies And A Truth.

55. SWANKY THEME PLAYS

56. SWANKY THEME PLAYS

57. Welcome, Greg, to Two Lies And A Truth.

58. I'll tell you two lies and a truth.

59. You've got to see if you can s-spot the truth.

60. You've got to see if you can s-spot the truth.

61. I have ridden a camel. I have ridden a zebra. Yeah.

62. I have ridden a camel. I have ridden a zebra. Yeah.

63. I have ridden a bicycle. Yeah.

64. I have ridden a bicycle. Yeah.

65. I imagine you were the sort of kid who never learnt to ride a bike.

66. I imagine you were the sort of kid who never learnt to ride a bike.

67. So, you think I've ridden a camel, but not a bike. That's right.

68. So, you think I've ridden a camel, but not a bike. That's right.

69. You've not made it through round one.

70. You've not made it through round one.

71. Bad start. Prize task time!

72. Bad start. Prize task time!

73. Whoo. What have we got this week?

74. Well, Mr Yummy Scrummy, you asked them to bring in

75. Well, Mr Yummy Scrummy, you asked them to bring in

76. the object which, whenever you look at it,

77. the object which, whenever you look at it,

78. makes you feel the weirdest.

79. makes you feel the weirdest.

80. Oh. I feel weirdest when I look at petrol right up close

81. Oh. I feel weirdest when I look at petrol right up close

82. for a really long time.

83. Greg will award five points for the object he agrees is most likely

84. Greg will award five points for the object he agrees is most likely

85. to cause a feeling of weirdness.

86. And the winner of the show will take home five objects they probably

87. And the winner of the show will take home five objects they probably

88. never want to look at again. OK, Kiell, you're up first.

89. never want to look at again. OK, Kiell, you're up first.

90. What object have you brought in, why will it make me feel weird?

91. What object have you brought in, why will it make me feel weird?

92. It's a... glove on a foot.

93. It's a... glove on a foot.

94. AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

95. How do you feel?

96. I feel weird.

97. Where did you encounter this foot in a glove?

98. Where did you encounter this foot in a glove?

99. Er, I-I created it. Oh.

100. Er, I-I created it. Oh.

101. Although I should say, you can buy, sort of, latex rubber gloves,

102. Although I should say, you can buy, sort of, latex rubber gloves,

103. but for feet.

104. I normally wear them, I don't know if I am...

105. I normally wear them, I don't know if I am...

106. Yeah, there we go.

107. THEY EXCLAIM

108. THEY EXCLAIM

109. Oh, my God!

110. I've had them on under my socks every series.

111. That's horrible. What do you mean it's horrible?

112. That's horrible. What do you mean it's horrible?

113. Because you have got horribly long toes anyway.

114. Because you have got horribly long toes anyway.

115. You could knit with those toes.

116. You could knit with those toes.

117. Thank you, Jenny, thank you.

118. Erm, where did you dream this up?

119. Erm, where did you dream this up?

120. I knew it had to be a feet thing, cos feet are weird, innit?

121. I knew it had to be a feet thing, cos feet are weird, innit?

122. like, what are they?

123. Erm, and then, like, rubber gloves and latex in general

124. Erm, and then, like, rubber gloves and latex in general

125. are just quite like, ew.

126. The more I stare at it the weirder I feel, it's a strong opener.

127. The more I stare at it the weirder I feel, it's a strong opener.

128. OK, I'll log that. Next up.

129. Mae?

130. I've brought in a small object that I think can trigger like,

131. I've brought in a small object that I think can trigger like,

132. I've brought in a small object that I think can trigger like,

133. a deep existential crisis.

134. a deep existential crisis.

135. And that object is a mirror.

136. And that object is a mirror.

137. And, like... what are we?

138. And, like... what are we?

139. And, like... what are we?

140. Are we the meat, are the viewer?

141. Are we the meat, are the viewer?

142. "Are we the meat, are we the viewer?"

143. "Are we the meat, are we the viewer?"

144. One or the other.

145. So, they did an experiment in 2010.

146. So, they did an experiment in 2010.

147. If you stare into a mirror for ten minutes,

148. If you stare into a mirror for ten minutes,

149. 66% of people experienced seeing huge deformations in their face.

150. 66% of people experienced seeing huge deformations in their face.

151. 66% of people experienced seeing huge deformations in their face.

152. I agree, I've looked into a mirror for up to ten minutes

153. I agree, I've looked into a mirror for up to ten minutes

154. when I was a child, and I found my face to be horribly deformed.

155. when I was a child, and I found my face to be horribly deformed.

156. Yeah. And I think it works. However... Hm.

157. Yeah. And I think it works. However... Hm.

158. .. if I stared at the back of that mirror,

159. I wouldn't feel weird at all.

160. The thing that makes you weird, I put it to you,

161. The thing that makes you weird, I put it to you,

162. is your own reflection, not the object you've offered up.

163. is your own reflection, not the object you've offered up.

164. Pfff! Interesting. I mean...

165. Pfff! Interesting. I mean...

166. What a round!

167. Ivo. I've picked some magnetic detachable reading glasses.

168. Ivo. I've picked some magnetic detachable reading glasses.

169. Ivo. I've picked some magnetic detachable reading glasses.

170. At last! Here they are.

171. At last! Here they are.

172. There's lots that's weird about it.

173. I'm basically thrown my uncle under the bus here,

174. I'm basically thrown my uncle under the bus here,

175. but every time he detaches his magnetic glasses,

176. but every time he detaches his magnetic glasses,

177. it creeps me out.

178. I think I'd, sort of, go, "Oh."

179. But when I stare at the glove foot, I go, "Ooh"

180. But when I stare at the glove foot, I go, "Ooh"

181. Kiell designed that specifically for the task.

182. Kiell designed that specifically for the task.

183. He was so busy thinking about whether he could,

184. He was so busy thinking about whether he could,

185. he didn't stop to think about whether he should.

186. he didn't stop to think about whether he should.

187. The brief of the task was, "Whenever you look at it,

188. The brief of the task was, "Whenever you look at it,

189. "it makes you feel weird."

190. So, having to look at it for ten minutes, that's immediately invalid,

191. So, having to look at it for ten minutes, that's immediately invalid,

192. whereas every time I see it, that it makes me feel even

193. whereas every time I see it, that it makes me feel even

194. a bit weird - it's winning so far, as far as I'm concerned.

195. a bit weird - it's winning so far, as far as I'm concerned.

196. Jenny. Greg, yes. What did you bring in?

197. Jenny. Greg, yes. What did you bring in?

198. I brought in a magic eye-painting book.

199. Yes. The original book, there it is.

200. Yes. The original book, there it is.

201. And here is one of the pages from her book.

202. And here is one of the pages from her book.

203. I mean, you've all seen these before, right?

204. I mean, you've all seen these before, right?

205. It will work you, you just need to look as if

206. you're looking through the screen. Oh, do I need to try?

207. you're looking through the screen. Oh, do I need to try?

208. Well, you can, I mean...

209. Oh!

210. A steam train, you're right, it was a steam train.

211. A steam train, you're right, it was a steam train.

212. That has made me feel weird.

213. That has made me feel weird.

214. All right, well, great news, Frankie, I think it's very unlikely

215. All right, well, great news, Frankie, I think it's very unlikely

216. you're going to be last.

217. you're going to be last.

218. I've brought you medieval paintings of cats.

219. I've brought you medieval paintings of cats.

220. Five points.

221. For some reason, people in the Middle Ages

222. For some reason, people in the Middle Ages

223. couldn't paint cats properly.

224. couldn't paint cats properly.

225. And it always looks really weird and disturbing.

226. And it always looks really weird and disturbing.

227. That's from the 14th-century illustrated French manuscript

228. That's from the 14th-century illustrated French manuscript

229. on Roman and Christian history.

230. I mean, I would argue that cats are already weird.

231. I mean, I would argue that cats are already weird.

232. And they, sort of, know that they're weird.

233. And they, sort of, know that they're weird.

234. I mean, that looks weird.

235. That's a guy who'd just been looking in a mirror for about ten years,

236. That's a guy who'd just been looking in a mirror for about ten years,

237. That's a guy who'd just been looking in a mirror for about ten years,

238. then suddenly looked at a cat.

239. then suddenly looked at a cat.

240. Jesus Christ, are we the meat, or are we the viewer?

241. Jesus Christ, are we the meat, or are we the viewer?

242. Do you know what I mean?

243. I mean, this is unbelievable

244. because some bloke who's brought his uncle's glasses is going to do

245. because some bloke who's brought his uncle's glasses is going to do

246. quite well, here.

247. The least-weird thing to look at on this occasion is

248. The least-weird thing to look at on this occasion is

249. The least-weird thing to look at on this occasion is

250. Mae Martin's mirror. I'm sorry.

251. 1 point to Mae.

252. Yes, I can't give a magic eye painting more than a mirror,

253. Yes, I can't give a magic eye painting more than a mirror,

254. that's the truth of it. I'm going to give them 1 point each.

255. that's the truth of it. I'm going to give them 1 point each.

256. Oh, bad luck.

257. That's fair enough.

258. And then, there's a big jump up, unbelievably...

259. And then, there's a big jump up, unbelievably...

260. ..to Ivo's uncle's collapsible glasses.

261. ..to Ivo's uncle's collapsible glasses.

262. ..to Ivo's uncle's collapsible glasses.

263. It'll take 3 points, can you imagine?

264. It'll take 3 points, can you imagine?

265. Giving 3 points for bringing them in?

266. Giving 3 points for bringing them in?

267. There was a diminishing return of weirdness from the cats,

268. There was a diminishing return of weirdness from the cats,

269. whereas the rubber glove on the foot made me feel consistently weird -

270. whereas the rubber glove on the foot made me feel consistently weird -

271. and thus, Kiell takes 5 points.

272. 4 points to Frankie, 5 to Kiell.

273. OK, let's task.

274. OK, let's task.

275. Great shout - and we begin by splitting up one of the great bands

276. Great shout - and we begin by splitting up one of the great bands

277. of the modern era, and forcing them to go solo.

278. of the modern era, and forcing them to go solo.

279. Hi.

280. Hi, Mae. Hi.

281. Oh, hey! Hi, Mae.

282. Hiya. Hi.

283. Ivo.

284. All right? Very well, thank you.

285. Hm. Polite young man.

286. Hm. Polite young man.

287. How old do you think he is?

288. 41.

289. Unlucky.

290. Hello. This is exciting. Hi, there. I'm Jenny.

291. Hello. This is exciting. Hi, there. I'm Jenny.

292. Hello, I'm Joe. What have you got, you've got a trumpet? Yeah.

293. Hello, I'm Joe. What have you got, you've got a trumpet? Yeah.

294. How marvellous. Do you have piles, as well?

295. How marvellous. Do you have piles, as well?

296. "Compose a solo for this 41-year-old ma..."

297. "Compose a solo for this 41-year-old ma..."

298. I was right!

299. It doesn't say that.

300. "Compose a solo for this musician."

301. "Compose a solo for this musician."

302. "The solo must be original...

303. "And less than 30 seconds long." That's a blessing.

304. "And less than 30 seconds long." That's a blessing.

305. "You have five minutes.

306. "Your time starts now."

307. What instrument do you play?

308. The keyboard. The keyboard.

309. I think we will have my name,

310. I think we will have my name,

311. and then, the word "taskmaster."

312. and then, the word "taskmaster."

313. So, what notes are in that? I-V-O.

314. So, what notes are in that? I-V-O.

315. None. No. G-A, another A,

316. None. No. G-A, another A,

317. and then, in Taskmaster, it's quite A-heavy, isn't it?

318. and then, in Taskmaster, it's quite A-heavy, isn't it?

319. Hit that one. Right.

320. Hit that one. Right.

321. KEYBOARDIST MATCHES TUNE

322. Oh! I love that.

323. A-A-A-A.

324. A-A-A-A.

325. So, is there any, sort of, rhythm with that?

326. Yeah, jaunty. Jaunty.

327. Instead of playing it with your hands,

328. Instead of playing it with your hands,

329. you play it with your feet.

330. Shoe off? Yeah, shoe definitely. OK.

331. Shoe off? Yeah, shoe definitely. OK.

332. What I'll do is I'll just sing some notes, and you just follow it, OK?

333. What I'll do is I'll just sing some notes, and you just follow it, OK?

334. TRUMPET MATCHES TUNE

335. TRUMPET MATCHES TUNE

336. TRUMPET MATCHES TUNE

337. Faster, faster.

338. That's it!

339. A bit better?

340. And then, I will guess how old you are.

341. You'll know when it's the right number.

342. I think I might.

343. Yeah, I-I love that. Good.

344. I don't want anything more than that.

345. WHISTLE BLOWS Terrific.

346. Can I take that task off you, Frankie?

347. Can I take that task off you, Frankie?

348. And can I swap it for that one? Oh.

349. And can I swap it for that one? Oh.

350. While you're here... having that, as well.

351. While you're here... having that, as well.

352. "Make something that looks like this musician's musical instrument.

353. "Make something that looks like this musician's musical instrument.

354. "Then mime to your new solo.

355. "Then mime to your new solo.

356. "You may not use a musical instrument in the creation

357. "You may not use a musical instrument in the creation

358. "of your musical instrument.

359. "Best performance wins."

360. I've got 15 minutes, and my time, Joe, starts now.

361. I've got 15 minutes, and my time, Joe, starts now.

362. Has it started, yeah? It's started now.

363. Here's the high hat right there.

364. Here's the high hat right there.

365. How long's a drum stick, mate?

366. Bloody hell. Yes, it's more complicated than you think.

367. Bloody hell. Yes, it's more complicated than you think.

368. Mine's less complicated.

369. Four strings, is it? Uh-huh. Yeah.

370. How many keys does it have? 25, I'd say.

371. How many keys does it have? 25, I'd say.

372. 25. Would you settle for seven?

373. 25. Would you settle for seven?

374. Yours isn't quite as big as mine.

375. Yours isn't quite as big as mine.

376. Oh, is that what we're doing?

377. Just... quite like accuracy. Ahem.

378. Just... quite like accuracy. Ahem.

379. Unbelievable.

380. Pretty good.

381. Ah, finished? Yeah. OK.

382. Ah, finished? Yeah. OK.

383. Jenny, we... we frequently go south of the waist band with you,

384. Jenny, we... we frequently go south of the waist band with you,

385. I've noticed. I didn't know that trumpet players do get piles.

386. I've noticed. I didn't know that trumpet players do get piles.

387. Oh, yes. You did what then seemed, to me, an extreme scat.

388. Oh, yes. You did what then seemed, to me, an extreme scat.

389. Oh, yes. You did what then seemed, to me, an extreme scat.

390. I'm so unmusical.

391. I don't even recognise "Happy Birthday."

392. I don't even recognise "Happy Birthday."

393. It's like something I can't do.

394. "I don't recognise 'Happy Bir'..."

395. We'll just let that slide? You know when people start singing

396. We'll just let that slide? You know when people start singing

397. "Happy Birthday" and expect you to join in? And I panic because...

398. "Happy Birthday" and expect you to join in? And I panic because...

399. The cake must give you a clue.

400. I don't understand!

401. OK, I won't let you see any of their solos until after the break.

402. OK, I won't let you see any of their solos until after the break.

403. And if that's not enough of a tease, why...

404. And if that's not enough of a tease, why...

405. ..here's a little bit of my leg.

406. Oop!

407. Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.

408. Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.

409. It's part two, Alex. Thank God for you, Greg.

410. It's part two, Alex. Thank God for you, Greg.

411. Amen.

412. Bef...

413. Bef...

414. Before the break...

415. Before the break, our cast used five brilliant musicians

416. Before the break, our cast used five brilliant musicians

417. to create original solos, and then, found they had to mime to their solo

418. to create original solos, and then, found they had to mime to their solo

419. to create original solos, and then, found they had to mime to their solo

420. on an instrument they'd made to look like the real musician's instrument.

421. on an instrument they'd made to look like the real musician's instrument.

422. First up, with the voice of angel,

423. First up, with the voice of angel,

424. projected through a banana-based trumpet,

425. it's Jenny Eclair.

426. it's Jenny Eclair.

427. Er, I'd like now to play for you a solo piece called

428. Er, I'd like now to play for you a solo piece called

429. the "Neen-Neen-Neen-Nana" song.

430. the "Neen-Neen-Neen-Nana" song.

431. And give me a one, give me a two, give me a one, two, three!

432. And give me a one, give me a two, give me a one, two, three!

433. TRUMPET SOLO PLAYS

434. TRUMPET SOLO PLAYS

435. TRUMPET SOLO PLAYS

436. Thank you very much, yeah.

437. Think I might have piles now.

438. I felt it was a powerful performance.

439. I felt it was a powerful performance.

440. I think it's a beautiful instrument.

441. Could you convince yourself that it was Jenny making those noises?

442. Could you convince yourself that it was Jenny making those noises?

443. If I gobbled dish full of recreational drugs,

444. If I gobbled dish full of recreational drugs,

445. I could convince myself that was Jenny Eclair playing

446. I could convince myself that was Jenny Eclair playing

447. that instrument, and indeed, that instrument was functional.

448. that instrument, and indeed, that instrument was functional.

449. Want another one? Yes, please.

450. OK, next up, with a dramatic drum solo,

451. OK, next up, with a dramatic drum solo,

452. it's Frankie Boyle.

453. Drum solo on a count of four.

454. Drum solo on a count of four.

455. A-one, a-two, a-three, four!

456. A-one, a-two, a-three, four!

457. DRUM SOLO PLAYS

458. DRUM SOLO PLAYS

459. I have no real memory of doing that.

460. Your face said, at the end, "I think this has gone badly."

461. Your face said, at the end, "I think this has gone badly."

462. But I thought it was quite good.

463. Er, I'm a bit worried cos I'm just enjoying all these. Who's next?

464. Er, I'm a bit worried cos I'm just enjoying all these. Who's next?

465. Well, there's still time. Er...

466. Well, there's still time. Er...

467. It's now time for a man who simply oozes sax appeal, Ivo Graham.

468. It's now time for a man who simply oozes sax appeal, Ivo Graham.

469. It's now time for a man who simply oozes sax appeal, Ivo Graham.

470. Welcome to the Taskmaster Jazz Festival.

471. Welcome to the Taskmaster Jazz Festival.

472. It's Ivo Graham with "Toxic Golf Fumes (Mainly in A)".

473. It's Ivo Graham with "Toxic Golf Fumes (Mainly in A)".

474. It's Ivo Graham with "Toxic Golf Fumes (Mainly in A)".

475. Take it away.

476. I very much enjoyed your instrument.

477. I enjoyed the keys. All seven of them. Yes.

478. I enjoyed the keys. All seven of them. Yes.

479. Colour. I enjoyed your performance very much. Yeah.

480. Colour. I enjoyed your performance very much. Yeah.

481. Let's leave the sentence there, I say.

482. Tick.

483. Who's next? All right, well, now it's time for Mae Martin

484. Who's next? All right, well, now it's time for Mae Martin

485. on the double bass with the toe.

486. I'm so excited to present my original solo, by Mae Martin.

487. I'm so excited to present my original solo, by Mae Martin.

488. I'm so excited to present my original solo, by Mae Martin.

489. Maestro, Mae-stro, am I right?

490. Maestro, Mae-stro, am I right?

491. Er, sorry I don't want to lose points for Mae-stro.

492. Er, sorry I don't want to lose points for Mae-stro.

493. It's too late. OK.

494. One, two, three, four.

495. One, two, three, four.

496. BASS SOLO PLAYS

497. BASS SOLO PLAYS

498. Thank you so much. thank you so much.

499. Thank you so much. thank you so much.

500. I sense, while we were watching that,

501. you were disturbed by the sight of your own toe.

502. It doesn't look like that.

503. My foot does not look like that. Does it not?

504. My foot does not look like that. Does it not?

505. No. Very dainty. S-Sexy.

506. No. Very dainty. S-Sexy.

507. Just trust me. You know what you need, don't you?

508. Just trust me. You know what you need, don't you?

509. Yeah. Pop a glove on that.

510. They're like fingers, they spread, too.

511. You see what I mean, feet? What are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

512. You see what I mean, feet? What are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

513. What are they? Right! One left.

514. What are they? Right! One left.

515. Yes, it's our final solo. It's keyboard Kiell.

516. Yes, it's our final solo. It's keyboard Kiell.

517. One, two, three, and...

518. One, two, three, and...

519. Thank you, Kiell. That's all right.

520. Thank you, Kiell. That's all right.

521. DISCORDANT KEYBOARD NOTES

522. I, sort of, felt I couldn't look away from it,

523. I, sort of, felt I couldn't look away from it,

524. but I also found it quite unsettling.

525. Sexy, though, right?

526. So sexy. Yeah.

527. I'm 54, by the way.

528. I'll do you a song later.

529. Oh, Christ, that is so hard, I enjoyed all of them.

530. Oh, Christ, that is so hard, I enjoyed all of them.

531. I'm going to give Kiell, Ivo,

532. I'm going to give Kiell, Ivo,

533. and Jenny 5 points. Ooh!

534. And I'm going to give Frankie and Mae 4 points.

535. And I'm going to give Frankie and Mae 4 points.

536. Oh? I've literally lost my goddamn mind.

537. Oh? I've literally lost my goddamn mind.

538. Well, there we go, that's 5 points to Jenny, Kiell and Ivo.

539. Well, there we go, that's 5 points to Jenny, Kiell and Ivo.

540. Hooray!

541. Scoreboard time! Yes, it is.

542. Last week's winner is in last place.

543. Last week's winner is in last place.

544. Mae's got 5, Kiell has 10 points in the lead at the moment.

545. Mae's got 5, Kiell has 10 points in the lead at the moment.

546. What's next, Alex?

547. Well, Greg it's the first team task of the series.

548. Well, Greg it's the first team task of the series.

549. HE GASPS, AUDIENCE OOHS

550. HE GASPS, AUDIENCE OOHS

551. Ah. Hi. Hello, Mae.

552. Ah. Hi. Hello, Mae.

553. A potato? Excellent.

554. A potato? Excellent.

555. Thanks.

556. Please, can you put that down.

557. Yeah.

558. You can pick up the potato. OK.

559. You can pick up the potato. OK.

560. Right. Hello! OK!

561. Right. Hello! OK!

562. Hello, I'm so sorry, I can only bring you down.

563. Hello, I'm so sorry, I can only bring you down.

564. What are you talking about? No way.

565. It's lovely. Oh, thank you. Why have you got a large potato?

566. It's lovely. Oh, thank you. Why have you got a large potato?

567. I brought it from home. Oh, good, I wish I'd brought one.

568. I brought it from home. Oh, good, I wish I'd brought one.

569. We could've had... For luck. .. jackets in the garden.

570. We could've had... For luck. .. jackets in the garden.

571. Sometimes with a potato, you can smell when they're on the turn.

572. Sometimes with a potato, you can smell when they're on the turn.

573. Yeah.

574. Look, we have another friend. Hello!

575. Look, we have another friend. Hello!

576. Yo. What's happening?

577. Hey. You all right? How are you? I'm good, you?

578. Hey. You all right? How are you? I'm good, you?

579. Would you like to hold the potato?

580. I'd love to. There you go. Enjoy.

581. I'd love to. There you go. Enjoy.

582. Thank you.

583. Hello, Frankie. All right, man. I've got a potato here.

584. Hello, Frankie. All right, man. I've got a potato here.

585. Hello, Alex. Hello, Ivo.

586. Sorry to interrupt you about the potato.

587. Sorry to interrupt you about the potato.

588. "Build the highest bridge over the middle of the red green..."

589. "Build the highest bridge over the middle of the red green..."

590. Red green? Red green.

591. Red green? Red green.

592. Right, I'll start again.

593. "Build the highest bridge over the middle of the red green.

594. "Build the highest bridge over the middle of the red green.

595. "Build the highest bridge over the middle of the red green.

596. "And balance the potato on the middle of the bridge.

597. "And balance the potato on the middle of the bridge.

598. "The potato may not be anchored in any way.

599. "The potato may not be anchored in any way.

600. "If anything touches the red green,

601. "you must put everything back where you found it...

602. "you must put everything back where you found it...

603. ".. Tut, and go back to the drawing board.

604. ".. Tut, and go back to the drawing board.

605. "You have 20 minutes.

606. "Your time starts now."

607. "Your time starts now."

608. I can do the tutting.

609. I'll just stand here and get ready to tut.

610. I'll just stand here and get ready to tut.

611. As the clever one, you start planning... No!

612. As the clever one, you start planning... No!

613. .. and I go and get a whole load of random shit.

614. .. and I go and get a whole load of random shit.

615. The first thing Frankie's done is send me away.

616. The first thing Frankie's done is send me away.

617. The team of three seemed very comfortable together straight away.

618. The team of three seemed very comfortable together straight away.

619. Good chemistry. Good chemistry.

620. What's going on here?

621. What's going on here?

622. I didn't know he w...

623. I thought it was some bloke delivering something.

624. I thought it was some bloke delivering something.

625. So, you didn't know who Ivo was?

626. I did once I, like, fully took him in, but I thought,

627. I did once I, like, fully took him in, but I thought,

628. "Someone's just wandered into the shot."

629. I would say watching Frankie and Ivo they were the most, like, a,

630. I would say watching Frankie and Ivo they were the most, like, a,

631. sort of, father-and-son team we've ever had -

632. except a father and son who haven't really spent any time together.

633. except a father and son who haven't really spent any time together.

634. It's what you want from the team task.

635. The crackle of tension.

636. The crackle of tension.

637. Not some bloody mic-muffling hug, thank you very much.

638. Not some bloody mic-muffling hug, thank you very much.

639. Thank you very much.

640. We all sniff a potato, and then, get on?

641. We all sniff a potato, and then, get on?

642. Boring! Not for me and my dad.

643. Boring! Not for me and my dad.

644. Do you want to see the boring team of three first?

645. Yeah, let's get them out of the way, being all nice to each other.

646. Yeah, let's get them out of the way, being all nice to each other.

647. Then we can get on to this fucking shitshow.

648. Then we can get on to this fucking shitshow.

649. Here we see Jenny, Kiell, and Mae.

650. Here we see Jenny, Kiell, and Mae.

651. Gather stuff, come on. Right, OK.

652. Gather stuff, come on. Right, OK.

653. Gang. I'm getting different stuff.

654. Gang. I'm getting different stuff.

655. Oh, I've never done this before.

656. It looks like there's shit on this one.

657. It looks like there's shit on this one.

658. You want it as high as possible. Barrel on top of barrel.

659. You want it as high as possible. Barrel on top of barrel.

660. Get it high.

661. Oh, loving your work. Wait.

662. Oh, loving your work. Wait.

663. Everyone stop. I touched the red green.

664. Everyone stop. I touched the red green.

665. Please put everything back, tut, and go back to the drawing board.

666. Please put everything back, tut, and go back to the drawing board.

667. No... I'm so... Why did you tell them?

668. No... I'm so... Why did you tell them?

669. Why did you tell them?

670. We have to tut.

671. THEY TUT

672. Please be careful, Jenny. Don't do yourself.

673. Don't - stop patronising me. OK.

674. Back to the drawing board, please.

675. Touch the drawing board.

676. THEY SCREECH

677. Oh, no, no!

678. Did it touch it? I think you may have just touched it.

679. Did it touch it? I think you may have just touched it.

680. I did, yeah.

681. Oh, tut. THEY TUT

682. Oh, tut. THEY TUT

683. Back to the drawing board!

684. You think two blue...

685. Two blue, barrels on top.

686. Two blue, barrels on top.

687. It's got to be as tall as possible.

688. It's got to be as tall as possible.

689. I think the best way we're going to do it is with duct tape.

690. I think the best way we're going to do it is with duct tape.

691. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think we can get higher than this?

692. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think we can get higher than this?

693. Yes! Is a pole taller than these at the moment?

694. Yes! Is a pole taller than these at the moment?

695. Like that? Yeah, we ca...

696. Like that? Yeah, we ca...

697. OK, OK. So, we just need duct tape.

698. We have a new plan.

699. I-I'm putting this down. Fuck that. OK.

700. Why don't we make this wider?

701. Three-and-a-half minutes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

702. Three-and-a-half minutes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

703. OK. Ooh, no, no, no!

704. OK. Ooh, no, no, no!

705. Two minutes, 20. Careful, careful.

706. Two minutes, 20. Careful, careful.

707. I can't bear it.

708. OK, slow raise at the same time.

709. OK, slow raise at the same time.

710. Stop the clock, I think.

711. I think we could go higher. No, I'm scared.

712. I'm coming round to help, Mae.

713. OK... Oh, whoa, whoa!

714. OK... Oh, whoa, whoa!

715. Come on a bit more. Come on, higher, higher.

716. Come on a bit more. Come on, higher, higher.

717. OK, stop the clock, stop the clock. Higher, higher. No!

718. OK, stop the clock, stop the clock. Higher, higher. No!

719. Higher, stop the clock now!

720. Higher, stop the clock now!

721. You want me to measure it? Yes! Yeah.

722. You want me to measure it? Yes! Yeah.

723. OK, lovely stuff. Ohh!

724. Well done. Super teamwork.

725. Oh... No, don't let it touch!

726. Oh... No, don't let it touch!

727. First things first.

728. Let's see a clip of Jenny getting rid of that plank again.

729. Let's see a clip of Jenny getting rid of that plank again.

730. Here she is. Yeah.

731. Here she is. Yeah.

732. Fuck that!

733. Yeah.

734. She did say, at one point, "It's like a day out with your nana,

735. She did say, at one point, "It's like a day out with your nana,

736. "but quite a weird nana."

737. You got the magic potato up to the sky,

738. You got the magic potato up to the sky,

739. and I think you're a lovely team.

740. Yeah, they did pretty well.

741. They got about the same height as if you imagine the average

742. They got about the same height as if you imagine the average

743. three-year-old standing on the shoulders, or the head actually,

744. three-year-old standing on the shoulders, or the head actually,

745. of maybe a taller-than-average ten-year-old,

746. or an average 11-year-old. That's about the - so two...

747. or an average 11-year-old. That's about the - so two...

748. How high, was it? Two metres 40, sorry. Right.

749. How high, was it? Two metres 40, sorry. Right.

750. Right, then, everyone, we're halfway through the show.

751. Right, then, everyone, we're halfway through the show.

752. Alex, run me a bath, and then, get your scrubbing brush.

753. Alex, run me a bath, and then, get your scrubbing brush.

754. Let's see if we can't some of this dead skin off.

755. Let's see if we can't some of this dead skin off.

756. Hey, hello! Welcome back to part three of Taskmaster,

757. Hey, hello! Welcome back to part three of Taskmaster,

758. where I'm now as smooth as an eel.

759. where I'm now as smooth as an eel.

760. Yes, we got it all off! We got it all off...!

761. Yes, we got it all off! We got it all off...!

762. Mm, mm!

763. AUDIENCE REVOLTS

764. AUDIENCE REVOLTS

765. The current task involves trying to make the highest bridge to support

766. The current task involves trying to make the highest bridge to support

767. a potato, but if anything touches the red green -

768. a potato, but if anything touches the red green -

769. it's quite salty - they have to put everything back

770. it's quite salty - they have to put everything back

771. where they found it, tut, and go back to the drawing board.

772. where they found it, tut, and go back to the drawing board.

773. We've seen the team of three build and tut,

774. We've seen the team of three build and tut,

775. now let's see Frankie and Ivo work together as a pair.

776. now let's see Frankie and Ivo work together as a pair.

777. Do you want some chalk? Yes, I would, please.

778. Do you want some chalk? Yes, I would, please.

779. I don't actually...

780. You know, I don't want to come across as too much of a snowflake,

781. You know, I don't want to come across as too much of a snowflake,

782. but, er, I don't enjoy the sensation of chalk on a chalkboard.

783. but, er, I don't enjoy the sensation of chalk on a chalkboard.

784. Ah.

785. Oh, I like those. This might inspire something.

786. Oh, I like those. This might inspire something.

787. I haven't done much with the board yet.

788. Hm.

789. I think I'd probably like to borrow a s...

790. I think I'd probably like to borrow a s...

791. A board brush.

792. Er, a board clearer, a dusting... tool.

793. Er, a board clearer, a dusting... tool.

794. Lot of pressure on Frankie, I think.

795. What's your idea?

796. Well, I've certainly cleared the board.

797. Well, I've certainly cleared the board.

798. My idea right, and it may be a bad idea... Good.

799. My idea right, and it may be a bad idea... Good.

800. .. we just try and go from the top of the caravan to the top of that,

801. .. we just try and go from the top of the caravan to the top of that,

802. kind of, geodesic dome.

803. And we stick the potato in the middle.

804. To the top of what? The geo...

805. Our geodesic dome.

806. It's probably - is that what it is? The ge-geodesic dome. Yeah.

807. It's probably - is that what it is? The ge-geodesic dome. Yeah.

808. That little greenhouse. Great.

809. That little greenhouse. Great.

810. It's really the opposite of the shape we need.

811. It's really the opposite of the shape we need.

812. Well... Well. .. that's an ugly start.

813. It certainly makes you think about what could be achieved

814. It certainly makes you think about what could be achieved

815. closer to the... Yeah.

816. Ivo. Yeah?

817. That's lower than the ladder.

818. That's lower than the ladder.

819. That's lower than the ladder.

820. Well, I think we should abandon that and move nearer the thing.

821. Well, I think we should abandon that and move nearer the thing.

822. OK, don't drop that. Can we be in it?

823. OK, don't drop that. Can we be in it?

824. Yeah, we can be human parts of the bridge, nothing says we can't.

825. Yeah, we can be human parts of the bridge, nothing says we can't.

826. Yes!

827. I'm going to have a bit of a rootle round the house.

828. I'm going to have a bit of a rootle round the house.

829. We could roll it in a tube. Mate.

830. We could roll it in a tube. Mate.

831. The second ladder. Frankie!

832. The second ladder. Frankie!

833. Yeah. Perhaps we should've done more work on our planning phase.

834. Yeah. Perhaps we should've done more work on our planning phase.

835. I think skipping the plan was thrilling.

836. I think skipping the plan was thrilling.

837. Now, measure the blighter. Yeah, yeah.

838. Now, measure the blighter. Yeah, yeah.

839. I don't really know how to measure it.

840. I don't really know how to measure it.

841. What's the matter, Alex? Can't reach our spud?

842. What's the matter, Alex? Can't reach our spud?

843. There we go.

844. Very happy with that. Well done, Ivo.

845. Very happy with that. Well done, Ivo.

846. I'm going to let this go now.

847. This is like a 1970s sitcom.

848. This is like a 1970s sitcom.

849. People from a different class!

850. People from a different class!

851. "I'm the lord, but he's the master."

852. "I'm the lord, but he's the master."

853. I feel, despite what might seem like differences between us,

854. I feel, despite what might seem like differences between us,

855. I feel, despite what might seem like differences between us,

856. I've got nothing but love for Mr Ivo Graham.

857. I've got nothing but love for Mr Ivo Graham.

858. AUDIENCE AWWS

859. And I felt that most of the success of the task was due to Ivo

860. And I felt that most of the success of the task was due to Ivo

861. prompting me to be less wrong.

862. A really genuinely sweet thing that

863. A really genuinely sweet thing that

864. somehow still sounded like a threat.

865. somehow still sounded like a threat.

866. How high did they go though?

867. It was as high as Hagrid jumping over a loaf of bread.

868. It was as high as Hagrid jumping over a loaf of bread.

869. Well, he's two metres, 59 - two metres, 81.

870. Well, he's two metres, 59 - two metres, 81.

871. 41 centimetres higher than the team of three.

872. 41 centimetres higher than the team of three.

873. Well, they both fairly effective, weren't they?

874. Well, they both fairly effective, weren't they?

875. Yes, but there must be a gulf. Yeah, five and three.

876. Yes, but there must be a gulf. Yeah, five and three.

877. OK, so 3 points to the team of three,

878. OK, so 3 points to the team of three,

879. 5 points to Daddy and Son! Daddy and Son!

880. 5 points to Daddy and Son! Daddy and Son!

881. Let's have a rootle around and see if we can get another task.

882. Let's have a rootle around and see if we can get another task.

883. Yes, here we go, deep breath.

884. ALEX INHALES

885. GREG EXHALES

886. Kiell. How's it?

887. Watch this.

888. How'd you do that? Uh-huh.

889. Well, that was cool. Thank you.

890. Oh, it went, oh...

891. Did that not work? It was meant to go the other way up.

892. Did that not work? It was meant to go the other way up.

893. Hi, chief.

894. Are you ready? Oh, yeah.

895. Are you ready? Oh, yeah.

896. "Achieve the most impressive effect with a single breath.

897. "Achieve the most impressive effect with a single breath.

898. "Achieve the most impressive effect with a single breath.

899. "You must take your breath and achieve your effect

900. "You must take your breath and achieve your effect

901. "within the next 20 minutes.

902. "within the next 20 minutes.

903. "The most impressive effect..."

904. Effect.

905. Hm.

906. Blowing out a... a candle,

907. Blowing out a... a candle,

908. not in itself very impressive.

909. But perhaps if it achieved complete darkness within a space,

910. But perhaps if it achieved complete darkness within a space,

911. But perhaps if it achieved complete darkness within a space,

912. that would be quite boring and bad television.

913. that would be quite boring and bad television.

914. I need to find a dying frog.

915. I need to find a dying frog.

916. Or a tiny bird that I can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to.

917. Or a tiny bird that I can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to.

918. Is it raining? No.

919. All right, come on, then.

920. Is this the first time in, 15 series of this show,

921. Is this the first time in, 15 series of this show,

922. that we've been asked for a dying frog?

923. that we've been asked for a dying frog?

924. Second. Second.

925. Second time.

926. Well, I'm very keen to see the impressive effect that these people

927. Well, I'm very keen to see the impressive effect that these people

928. did with a single breath.

929. GREG EXHALES Oh.

930. Lovely.

931. OK, up first, it's Mae and Kiell.

932. OK, up first, it's Mae and Kiell.

933. Hello, again. Hi.

934. This is just phase one.

935. So, we need some pipes.

936. Couple of bricks.

937. It's going to be incredible.

938. I've never worked so hard in my life.

939. I've never worked so hard in my life.

940. Right, you've put a mop on a duck.

941. On a shed.

942. Yes.

943. You've got four minutes, Mae. Oh, my God.

944. You've got four minutes, Mae. Oh, my God.

945. Argh!

946. That's not even science, man.

947. That's not even science, man.

948. I'm going to blow it down, one huge breath,

949. I'm going to blow it down, one huge breath,

950. and then, hopefully it's going to hit the xylophone.

951. and then, hopefully it's going to hit the xylophone.

952. That's the end, that'll be...

953. That'll be the...

954. Ahh!

955. Oh, my God.

956. Good luck, Kiell.

957. Ah!

958. Ready? Good luck.

959. Don't fail me, OK.

960. Don't fail me, OK.

961. You ready? I'm ready.

962. Are you ready?

963. They're ready.

964. Ahem.

965. MARBLE CLATTERS

966. MARBLE CLATTERS

967. Ohh!

968. Hee-hee-hee!

969. Oh, God, that was satisfying.

970. Oh, God, that was satisfying.

971. LOUD BLOWING

972. LOUD BLOWING

973. I'm going to blow this with a single breath.

974. I'm going to blow this with a single breath.

975. WHISTLE BLOWS

976. Someone'll say that was more impressive that what I did.

977. Someone'll say that was more impressive that what I did.

978. And I'm going to kick off.

979. Mae, I think you're fast becoming an expert at these tasks.

980. Mae, I think you're fast becoming an expert at these tasks.

981. Oh, thank you.

982. They beaver away, they create something.

983. They beaver away, they create something.

984. I beaver away famously.

985. I beaver away famously.

986. I...

987. Great beavering. And...

988. Thank you.

989. .. what a lovely pipe at the end of it, as well.

990. There was a real contrast between the two.

991. Oh, come on!

992. What Kiell's very good at is having the confidence of someone

993. What Kiell's very good at is having the confidence of someone

994. who's doing a good job.

995. The self-belief is sensational.

996. I didn't really take into consideration that...

997. I didn't really take into consideration that...

998. ..I'm not able to blow a golf ball.

999. Oh, no, stuff went wrong way before then.

1000. Oh, no, stuff went wrong way before then.

1001. Next up are two comedians known simple as Jenny Eclair

1002. Next up are two comedians known simple as Jenny Eclair

1003. and Frankie Boyle.

1004. Hello, Jenny. Hello, Alex.

1005. I'd like to show you my party trick.

1006. I'd like to show you my party trick.

1007. Er, the most impressive thing I can do with a single breath...

1008. Er, the most impressive thing I can do with a single breath...

1009. ..is save this caravan.

1010. About here is it? Yeah.

1011. You just need to be ready to duck.

1012. I'm ready to duck.

1013. Going to save this caravan from a roaring inferno.

1014. Going to save this caravan from a roaring inferno.

1015. Going to save this caravan from a roaring inferno.

1016. Jenny?

1017. Jenny?

1018. I saved the caravan!

1019. I saved the caravan!

1020. Is it definitely out? Yeah.

1021. Was it one breath? One breath.

1022. Can I just check - can we stand down all the fire officers now?

1023. Can I just check - can we stand down all the fire officers now?

1024. Slightly over the top, wasn't it?

1025. There's a lot of them. Thank you, Jenny.

1026. There's a lot of them. Thank you, Jenny.

1027. WHISTLE BLOWS

1028. Single breath.

1029. Do you think it was impressive?

1030. It would've been impressive if they'd let me really set fire to

1031. It would've been impressive if they'd let me really set fire to

1032. the curtains, but they were being a bit wet about it.

1033. the curtains, but they were being a bit wet about it.

1034. Yeah, so it is their fault, but really, it was just you

1035. Yeah, so it is their fault, but really, it was just you

1036. blowing on the corner of a curtain.

1037. She saved the caravan, there's no doubt about it.

1038. She saved the caravan, there's no doubt about it.

1039. If she hadn't blown it out... It would've been a blazing inferno.

1040. If she hadn't blown it out... It would've been a blazing inferno.

1041. Yeah. Why was I so impressed by Frankie Boyle being a naughty boy?

1042. Yeah. Why was I so impressed by Frankie Boyle being a naughty boy?

1043. Everyone hates golf.

1044. Everyone.

1045. I've never really played golf,

1046. because I'm not trapped in

1047. a loveless marriage.

1048. Frankie got slightly lucky, cos our garden backs onto a golf course.

1049. Frankie got slightly lucky, cos our garden backs onto a golf course.

1050. Your first instincts were to blow a whistle in a matinee or a church.

1051. Your first instincts were to blow a whistle in a matinee or a church.

1052. Both of which I would've enjoyed.

1053. Both of which I would've enjoyed.

1054. OK, one part left until someone wins a glove that Kiell put on a foot.

1055. OK, one part left until someone wins a glove that Kiell put on a foot.

1056. OK, one part left until someone wins a glove that Kiell put on a foot.

1057. Feel the rush!

1058. Hello! And welcome back to Taskmaster.

1059. Hello! And welcome back to Taskmaster.

1060. We've got a task that needs completing,

1061. and Alex is about to fill you in on why.

1062. Yes, the comedians have been trying to achieve the most impressive

1063. Yes, the comedians have been trying to achieve the most impressive

1064. effect with a single breath.

1065. There's only one person left to see, and it's Ivo!

1066. There's only one person left to see, and it's Ivo!

1067. Can I try and get on the radio and just breathe?

1068. Can I try and get on the radio and just breathe?

1069. LONG EXHALE

1070. LONG EXHALE

1071. Yeah, that's impressive. Yeah.

1072. Yeah, that's impressive. Yeah.

1073. When I'm speaking to the producer, I'm a bit more like, er,

1074. When I'm speaking to the producer, I'm a bit more like, er,

1075. "Yes I've got an opinion about wind farms."

1076. But then, once I'm on the air...

1077. But then, once I'm on the air...

1078. Erm, 5 Live.

1079. Erm, 5 Live.

1080. Yeah, you've got...

1081. Y-Yeah, I know. ..12 minutes.

1082. It's just hung up.

1083. Er, I'll instead call, er, Greg.

1084. Er, I'll instead call, er, Greg.

1085. Will he recognise your breath?

1086. Hello, I'm sorry, but the person you've called...

1087. Hello, I'm sorry, but the person you've called...

1088. No!

1089. That's agony. That's agony.

1090. That's agony. That's agony.

1091. I will breathe down a phone today.

1092. I will breathe down a phone today.

1093. Right.

1094. Right.

1095. Three-and-a-half minutes, by the way. Yeah.

1096. Three-and-a-half minutes, by the way. Yeah.

1097. Er, I'd like to apologise for the wilful damage of fancy glassware.

1098. Er, I'd like to apologise for the wilful damage of fancy glassware.

1099. Er, I'd like to apologise for the wilful damage of fancy glassware.

1100. I'm going to call Ed Gamble.

1101. Previous Taskmaster contestant.

1102. Winner and host of the Taskmaster podcast.

1103. Winner and host of the Taskmaster podcast.

1104. Hello, Ivo.

1105. GLASSES CLINK

1106. IVO SNORTS

1107. WHISTLE BLOWS

1108. Is Ed still on the line? No, he hung up.

1109. It feels like 1 point, doesn't it?

1110. It feels like 1 point, doesn't it?

1111. I mean, the whole attempt was extraordinary.

1112. I mean, the whole attempt was extraordinary.

1113. The trouble is nothing happened. It was a single breath -

1114. The trouble is nothing happened. It was a single breath -

1115. and the single breath, it had no effect at all.

1116. and the single breath, it had no effect at all.

1117. My instinct is, is to say Ivo gets 1 point,

1118. My instinct is, is to say Ivo gets 1 point,

1119. but then, I remember Jenny blowing on the corner of a curtain.

1120. but then, I remember Jenny blowing on the corner of a curtain.

1121. I'm going to give them both 1 point.

1122. I'm going to give them both 1 point.

1123. You're giving Jenny fewer points than Kiell.

1124. You're giving Jenny fewer points than Kiell.

1125. Hey, hey, hey! Look, don't bring me into it.

1126. Hey, hey, hey! Look, don't bring me into it.

1127. He's having a nice time over here, let him do his thinking.

1128. He's having a nice time over here, let him do his thinking.

1129. He blew at a golf ball three times, and nothing happened.

1130. He blew at a golf ball three times, and nothing happened.

1131. Hey, hey, hey, look! But he constructed a thing.

1132. Hey, hey, hey, look! But he constructed a thing.

1133. I can't believe what's going on here.

1134. I can't believe what's going on here.

1135. I just, er, I need to report from the front line,

1136. I just, er, I need to report from the front line,

1137. and it was very disappointing.

1138. Yeah, the first three!

1139. And then, the fourth one was fucking sick!

1140. And then, the fourth one was fucking sick!

1141. Yeah, but it was a single breath, Kiell.

1142. Do you know what it is? I've been hypnotised by your charm.

1143. Do you know what it is? I've been hypnotised by your charm.

1144. And I was about to give you 2 points when you don't deserve them.

1145. And I was about to give you 2 points when you don't deserve them.

1146. Alex! Thank God my little assistant's here.

1147. Alex! Thank God my little assistant's here.

1148. So, you can have 1 point, as well. Shit's sake!

1149. So, you can have 1 point, as well. Shit's sake!

1150. On point... Hang on - mine is the same, the same?

1151. On point... Hang on - mine is the same, the same?

1152. Yeah. I-I don't know where that finger's pointing.

1153. Yeah. I-I don't know where that finger's pointing.

1154. To you!

1155. One, one, one.

1156. I mean, I've got to say,

1157. I'm not especially impressed with any of these.

1158. I'm not especially impressed with any of these.

1159. Right, OK. What about me?

1160. Well, there's, like, the "bing" at the end.

1161. Well, there's, like, the "bing" at the end.

1162. Bing was good. But is it a 5-point bing?

1163. Bing was good. But is it a 5-point bing?

1164. Yeah. I don't think it's a 5-point bing.

1165. Yeah. I don't think it's a 5-point bing.

1166. Are you sure you just haven't become jaded with

1167. the concept of the show?

1168. I don't think that's the case.

1169. We haven't got a 5-point bing,

1170. and I can't give a grown man putting a golfer off 5 points.

1171. and I can't give a grown man putting a golfer off 5 points.

1172. Who wins the task, Greg? OK, Mae wins the task.

1173. Who wins the task, Greg? OK, Mae wins the task.

1174. And I've already told you it wasn't a 5-point bing,

1175. And I've already told you it wasn't a 5-point bing,

1176. so logic would tell you that Mae gets 4 points,

1177. so logic would tell you that Mae gets 4 points,

1178. and Frankie gets 3.

1179. OK, so well done, Mae, you've sort of won the task, 4 points!

1180. OK, so well done, Mae, you've sort of won the task, 4 points!

1181. Kiell, are you all right?

1182. I'm fumin'.

1183. One last look at the scores! At the top of the pile,

1184. One last look at the scores! At the top of the pile,

1185. it's Frankie Boyle with 16 points!

1186. OK, it's time to leave your seats and head to the stage for,

1187. OK, it's time to leave your seats and head to the stage for,

1188. guess what, the final task of the show!

1189. I'm already excited. Oh, yes.

1190. I'm already excited. Oh, yes.

1191. Who's going to read it out? Ivo Graham this time.

1192. Who's going to read it out? Ivo Graham this time.

1193. Ah.

1194. "Create a recognisable picture of an animal on the back of your T-shirt

1195. "Create a recognisable picture of an animal on the back of your T-shirt

1196. "using the equipment provided.

1197. "using the equipment provided.

1198. "You must stay on your spot,

1199. "and you must not move your spot.

1200. "and you must not move your spot.

1201. "If you create the same animal as someone else,

1202. "If you create the same animal as someone else,

1203. "you will both be disqualified.

1204. "you will both be disqualified.

1205. "Best recognisable picture of an animal on your back wins.

1206. "Best recognisable picture of an animal on your back wins.

1207. "You have 200 seconds."

1208. Put an animal on your back.

1209. If it's the same animal as someone else, you get nothing.

1210. If it's the same animal as someone else, you get nothing.

1211. Good luck, your time starts... BLOWS WHISTLE

1212. Good luck, your time starts... BLOWS WHISTLE

1213. What sort of animals are you hoping for, Greg?

1214. What sort of animals are you hoping for, Greg?

1215. Baboon.

1216. Baboon.

1217. Hedgehog.

1218. OK, so remember, on the backs of your T-shirts.

1219. OK, so remember, on the backs of your T-shirts.

1220. We've got halfway.

1221. Go on, Jennie!

1222. Oh, bless you, darling, that's very kind. That's it.

1223. Oh, bless you, darling, that's very kind. That's it.

1224. That's all we need, in terms of audience interaction,

1225. That's all we need, in terms of audience interaction,

1226. one woman shouting, "Go on, Jenny."

1227. one woman shouting, "Go on, Jenny."

1228. Do you want the same woman to shout anything again?

1229. Do you want the same woman to shout anything again?

1230. They could encourage a different contestant.

1231. Yeah, that's...

1232. 35 seconds left now, Greg. Not long.

1233. 35 seconds left now, Greg. Not long.

1234. I mean, Kiell completed his about two full minutes ago.

1235. I mean, Kiell completed his about two full minutes ago.

1236. I mean, Kiell completed his about two full minutes ago.

1237. Frankie is also finished.

1238. Oh, shi...

1239. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two...

1240. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two...

1241. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two...

1242. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two...

1243. WHISTLE BLOWS

1244. Please put down your materials.

1245. Please put down your materials.

1246. First to reveal their animal, it's going to be Frankie Boyle.

1247. First to reveal their animal, it's going to be Frankie Boyle.

1248. Are you ready to witness his animal?

1249. I'm absolutely beside myself.

1250. It's the unmistakably rigid shape...

1251. It's the unmistakably rigid shape...

1252. .. of a deceased snake.

1253. Frankie, is that what you were trying to achieve?

1254. Yes. Yes.

1255. If there's one thing you famously say about snakes,

1256. If there's one thing you famously say about snakes,

1257. If there's one thing you famously say about snakes,

1258. they are straight.

1259. Lotta different kinds of snakes, Greg.

1260. Lotta different kinds of snakes, Greg.

1261. Can we see the second animal?

1262. OK, Ivo, please turn around and show us your animal.

1263. OK, Ivo, please turn around and show us your animal.

1264. Bearing mind that Ivo was the only person who discovered the scissors.

1265. Bearing mind that Ivo was the only person who discovered the scissors.

1266. I don't love what that implied.

1267. What animal is it, Greg?

1268. I think it's a jaunty giraffe.

1269. I aimed for jaunty. I'm glad that's been recognised.

1270. I aimed for jaunty. I'm glad that's been recognised.

1271. Is it a giraffe?

1272. Oh, oh, yes. I...

1273. Jenny Eclair, what do we have?

1274. Butterfly. Butterfly.

1275. And it's really good. I like it.

1276. This is Jenny's finest hour.

1277. Are we ready for Kiell's?

1278. Kiell used 30 seconds of his allotted time.

1279. Kiell used 30 seconds of his allotted time.

1280. Oh!

1281. Oh!

1282. Oh, dear. Oh, no.

1283. This seems very cruel.

1284. This seems very cruel.

1285. But sadly, it's another snake.

1286. But sadly, it's another snake.

1287. It could be a stick insect.

1288. Is it a snake, Kiell?

1289. Is it a snake, Kiell?

1290. It's a bendy snake.

1291. It's a bendy snake.

1292. Fair point.

1293. Frankie and Kiell were first and second in the episode.

1294. Frankie and Kiell were first and second in the episode.

1295. They're both... Cruelly disqualified.

1296. Both now out. OK, Mae.

1297. Oh, my God, that's good. Why's that so good?

1298. Oh, my God, that's good. Why's that so good?

1299. It's not just a bit of tape stuck on a board, Kiell,

1300. It's not just a bit of tape stuck on a board, Kiell,

1301. that's why it's good. Fuck.

1302. I think it might be an extinct bird?

1303. I think it might be an extinct bird?

1304. A dodo?

1305. It isn't - oh.

1306. But it's enough to say it's a bird.

1307. Yeah, it's a duck. I-It's a bird...

1308. It's a bird, that's what counts! It's a bird. OK.

1309. It's a bird, that's what counts! It's a bird. OK.

1310. Two snakes bite the dust.

1311. Who'd've thought that the heel-clicking jaunty giraffe

1312. Who'd've thought that the heel-clicking jaunty giraffe

1313. would get 3 points?

1314. And yet, there it is, 3 points to the giraffe.

1315. And yet, there it is, 3 points to the giraffe.

1316. And honestly, they're both very good.

1317. And honestly, they're both very good.

1318. But for me, Jenny's beautiful butterfly just takes it.

1319. But for me, Jenny's beautiful butterfly just takes it.

1320. So, 4 points to Mae, and 5 points to Jenny Eclair,

1321. So, 4 points to Mae, and 5 points to Jenny Eclair,

1322. and that's an end to it.

1323. OK, there we go, well done, Jenny Eclair!

1324. OK, there we go, well done, Jenny Eclair!

1325. Come down, we'll see how that's effected the final scores!

1326. Come down, we'll see how that's effected the final scores!

1327. Well, that's got to put the old proverbial cat amongst the pigeons,

1328. Well, that's got to put the old proverbial cat amongst the pigeons,

1329. hasn't it? It really has, and none of them made cats or pigeons,

1330. hasn't it? It really has, and none of them made cats or pigeons,

1331. they made beautiful animals.

1332. Yes, they did. Unfortunately, there were two snakes.

1333. Yes, they did. Unfortunately, there were two snakes.

1334. The final scores are so close.

1335. There's only 3 points separating the five of them.

1336. There's only 3 points separating the five of them.

1337. Frankie and Mae are in joint-second place,

1338. but the winner, with 17 points.

1339. Ivo Graham!

1340. Ivo Graham!

1341. Ivo Graham wins!

1342. Ivo Graham wins!

1343. Please leap up to look at your objects and feel weird!

1344. Please leap up to look at your objects and feel weird!

1345. So, what have we learnt today?

1346. So, what have we learnt today?

1347. We've learnt that if your husband's back late from a round of golf,

1348. We've learnt that if your husband's back late from a round of golf,

1349. he's not necessarily having an affair.

1350. His swing might have been impeded by Frankie Boyle's whistle.

1351. His swing might have been impeded by Frankie Boyle's whistle.

1352. That's all for now.

1353. Four people didn't win this week, but one definitely did.

1354. Four people didn't win this week, but one definitely did.

1355. And you know who it was?

1356. I know, it was Ivo Graham!

1357. I know, it was Ivo Graham!

1358. Bye!