1. Whaa?Copy !req
2. Ah!Copy !req
3. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
4. Shut up!Copy !req
5. Argh!Copy !req
6. Argh!Copy !req
7. Hello, thank you.Copy !req
8. I'm Greg Davies and I'm
a very nice man.Copy !req
9. You'll often find me whistlingCopy !req
10. and skipping down the street,
tra la la la la la!Copy !req
11. I may stop, scoop up some abandoned
dog mess,Copy !req
12. lead a senior citizen across
the road.Copy !req
13. I may restrain an errant youth
and correct his behaviour.Copy !req
14. But even nice people need
a release sometimes,Copy !req
15. somewhere to let out
supressed anger,Copy !req
16. a howl in the night,
a place where darkness can run amok.Copy !req
17. Welcome to Taskmaster!Copy !req
18. And the very best of luck to...
Dara O Briain.Copy !req
19. Fern Brady.Copy !req
20. John Kearns.Copy !req
21. Munya Chawawa.Copy !req
22. And Sarah Millican.Copy !req
23. And to my left, a man who told me in
confidence he's scaredCopy !req
24. of three things - slugs,Copy !req
25. small spaces
and women being allowed to vote.Copy !req
26. Little Alex Horne!Copy !req
27. Prize task time.
Yes, it isCopy !req
28. and it's something we all think
about once a weekCopy !req
29. because you've asked them this week
to bring inCopy !req
30. the thing that you most want on
a Sunday morning.Copy !req
31. Ooh. Yes,Copy !req
32. I didn't have to think too long
about this one. You know...Copy !req
33. So Greg will give
a big five to his faveCopy !req
34. and then at the end of the show
the person with the most pointsCopy !req
35. will take home all the ingredients
for a perfect Sunday morning. OK?Copy !req
36. Yes. Good. Hello, Sarah.Copy !req
37. What's your perfect thing for
a Sunday morning?Copy !req
38. Well, I stay in hotels a lot on tourCopy !req
39. and people in hotels think you
should be up at eight o'clock -Copy !req
40. cos they're dicks.Copy !req
41. And I always have a "do not disturb"
sign on my door in a hotel.Copy !req
42. I never want my room cleaned cos I'm
quite a dirty person.Copy !req
43. So I've brought my own
"do not disturb" sign.Copy !req
44. There it is.
That's the first prize on offer.Copy !req
45. I think there's nothing more
aggressive thanCopy !req
46. a do not disturb sign that doesn't
match everybody else'sCopy !req
47. do not disturb sign. Wow.Copy !req
48. Hmm. I can't tell if
the bar is high or low.Copy !req
49. Well, the rage is what I enjoyed.Copy !req
50. Oh, you always do, yeah.Copy !req
51. Well, we're moving onto
John now who's come last inCopy !req
52. the last two ones of these.
Hello, John.Copy !req
53. The very best of luck to you.Copy !req
54. Thank you. It's a business card.Copy !req
55. Oh...Copy !req
56. Oh, and Fern's next, is she?Copy !req
57. Do you want to see?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
58. It says "Know what you wantCopy !req
59. and have the confidence to go
after it." Yeah.Copy !req
60. Look if you're walking down
the streetCopy !req
61. and someone gave you that... Yeah.
That, you know...Copy !req
62. Hello, yes, bang.Copy !req
63. Know what you want and have the
confidence to go after it.Copy !req
64. A, you're keeping that for
the rest of your lifeCopy !req
65. and it's also, it's all you're
thinking about all day.Copy !req
66. I would like it, I think, if someone
gave me that.Copy !req
67. Yeah, look, everyone reading thatCopy !req
68. know what you want, so that's
tricky, but...Copy !req
69. Yeah, and then have
the confidence to go after it.Copy !req
70. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've read it.Copy !req
71. Um, Fern what have you brought in?Copy !req
72. It's my favourite breakfast soup.Copy !req
73. This is her favourite breakfast
soup. Lovely.Copy !req
74. It's like a savoury tofu pudding,
that people have in China.Copy !req
75. I think Alex has some.Copy !req
76. Here you are. There's the slop. Yes.
Try it.Copy !req
77. Try it?Copy !req
78. Please eat.Copy !req
79. Well, obviously.Copy !req
80. Oh.Copy !req
81. Fishy. It's very spicy
and quite crunchy. Can I try some?Copy !req
82. Yes, please do.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
83. Greg, I thought you weren't going to
try it, cos aren't you fromCopy !req
84. Shrewsbury or something?Copy !req
85. You seem like you just eat roasts.Copy !req
86. Oh, God, yeah. That is...Copy !req
87. It is, isn't it?
Tastes like a farmyard.Copy !req
88. Well, you'd like that, cos
of where you're from.Copy !req
89. It's the flavour
of hopelessness.Copy !req
90. Um, Munya.Copy !req
91. Hello. I have brought in
the Super Grater 3000.Copy !req
92. Yes, here it is. The Super Grater.Copy !req
93. Oh, my God!Copy !req
94. He's grabbed
a grater on his way out the house.Copy !req
95. It's not, it's not a grater.Copy !req
96. This thing here is essentially
a cheese grater of the foot.Copy !req
97. Ugh!Copy !req
98. It can be used on wet and dry feet.Copy !req
99. I mean, it's one of
the bleakest images...Copy !req
100. It's the bleakest imageCopy !req
101. I've had since I imaged sharing
breakfast with Fern.Copy !req
102. All right, Dara.Copy !req
103. This should be
a piece of piss, I imagine?Copy !req
104. I brought in a massive segmented
frying pan. And here it is.Copy !req
105. I find, look, that's supposedCopy !req
106. to be doing, you know, rashers in
one place,Copy !req
107. eggs in another, beans in another.Copy !req
108. I'm sorry, Dara,Copy !req
109. are you under the impression
I haven't got one of these?Copy !req
110. I've got one.Copy !req
111. I find, often even on something like
a lighter breakfast, I likeCopy !req
112. a little bit of fresh food.Copy !req
113. Got some pineapples, cereal, er...Copy !req
114. I'm aware as well that any time
you do anything on televisionCopy !req
115. that looks like you've wasted food,Copy !req
116. people get very angry about that,
like it should be noted thatCopy !req
117. the pineapple and
the yoghurt go back in the fridge.Copy !req
118. The bagel went back in
the bread basket.Copy !req
119. The kids ate the CheeriosCopy !req
120. and then, to get rid of
the orange juice, I got a strawCopy !req
121. so that we weren't wasting any food
at any stage.Copy !req
122. Oh, it was you that sucked it up?Copy !req
123. It wasn't that old man?Copy !req
124. Um, all right, then. Ready?Copy !req
125. Uh, yes, right. Where we starting?
One?Copy !req
126. You know where were starting. We're
starting with old smooth feet.Copy !req
127. Ooh.Copy !req
128. Who's that?Copy !req
129. Is that his actual nickname?Copy !req
130. I... I'm giving–poor old
Munya one point.Copy !req
131. OK. Munya, one point, well done.Copy !req
132. Sarah's rage delighted me.Copy !req
133. Oh, God, it's between Sarah
and the Chinese soup.Copy !req
134. For the sake of hotel staff,
I'm going to give her two points.Copy !req
135. OK, two to Sarah.Copy !req
136. Yeah, unbelievably, that soup gets
three points.Copy !req
137. I mean...Copy !req
138. Now, this is where things
get controversial.Copy !req
139. The truth is, if someone gave me
that business card inCopy !req
140. the street I honestly think it would
make my day. What?Copy !req
141. So, against all oddsCopy !req
142. and it just shows you how deeply
unfair this show is...Copy !req
143. ..I'm giving John Kearns five points
and I'll stand by it.Copy !req
144. Right, so it's four points to Dara
O BriainCopy !req
145. but five huh, to John Kearns.
There it is!Copy !req
146. Thank you.Copy !req
147. Very good. All right,Copy !req
148. my furry chum, what's next on
the agenda?Copy !req
149. Well, it's a gritty team task, Greg.Copy !req
150. Hello, Sarah.
Hi, Alex. Hello, Munya. Hi, Alex.Copy !req
151. Hello, Fern. Hiya.Copy !req
152. Fern, wait for your team.Copy !req
153. Oh, sorry! Did I shut
the door on them?Copy !req
154. Yeah.
I'm not really a team player.Copy !req
155. Secure the perimeter.Copy !req
156. Place half your hands on half
your hips...Copy !req
157. .. and leave them there untilCopy !req
158. the second part of
the task is over. Also...Copy !req
159. .. the hands that are on hips
must only touch those hips...Copy !req
160. .. until the second part of
the task is over.Copy !req
161. We've to touch each other?Copy !req
162. You can touch each other.Copy !req
163. You have two minutes.Copy !req
164. Read it again.
Yeah, I need to...Copy !req
165. Place half your hands. So one hand
on one hip. On half your hips.Copy !req
166. I don't understand this!
I thought it meant half of my hand.Copy !req
167. Yeah, but collectively.Copy !req
168. And leave them there until
the second part ofCopy !req
169. the task is over.
So, until it's done.Copy !req
170. Depending what the task is, we might
be making it very difficultCopy !req
171. for ourselves by all having one hand
where it could be much easier ifCopy !req
172. one person to have two hands.Copy !req
173. We should keep one pair
of hands free.Copy !req
174. Oh! Oh, you're so good at this!Copy !req
175. I think your time starts now.Copy !req
176. Like a conga?
Are we congaing this, right?Copy !req
177. So do you wanna conga me?
I'll conga you!Copy !req
178. OK, fine. You have my consent. Yeah?
There we go.Copy !req
179. I have your consent!
Yeah, my hips are unhanded.Copy !req
180. And my hips are definitely
being handled.Copy !req
181. At the moment there are four hands
on four hips.Copy !req
182. Yes, take your hand... that hand is
free.Copy !req
183. One hand on your hip. And Dara still
has both hands on... no!Copy !req
184. Take the hand off her!Copy !req
185. My hands are here.Copy !req
186. You're fine, John.
So that hand's on that hip.Copy !req
187. I thought... I didn't
understand itCopy !req
188. but John really doesn't
understand it!Copy !req
189. I do understand it! With your hands
on those hips at all times, putCopy !req
190. the most sand in
the shopping trolley.Copy !req
191. You may only moveCopy !req
192. the shopping trolley when there is
one minute left onCopy !req
193. the clock. Oh, my God.
You have ten minutes.Copy !req
194. Your time starts now.Copy !req
195. So where is the sand?Copy !req
196. Exactly. Where is the sand?Copy !req
197. Right, let's go look for the sand.Copy !req
198. OK, we got to go look
for it. OK.Copy !req
199. John, don't put your...Copy !req
200. You can only have one hand on my
hip.Copy !req
201. How do you not understand that?
Sorry.Copy !req
202. Team of three,
talk me through your tactics.Copy !req
203. We got the idea, hands have
to be on hips.Copy !req
204. Yeah, absolutely.Copy !req
205. But we forgot that they could just
be our own hips... Yeah.Copy !req
206. And that was probably
the most obvious thing to do, justCopy !req
207. for one person to stand like that
for the entire task.Copy !req
208. For some reason we, we felt that we
should human-centipede it.Copy !req
209. But I think the fact that we all
didn't realise that we could justCopy !req
210. have one person doing thatCopy !req
211. means that maybe the task
wasn't that well written.Copy !req
212. Yeah.Copy !req
213. Ooh!Copy !req
214. Well, listen I don't write them,
so...Copy !req
215. We were hoping for one of
the teams to be stupid enoughCopy !req
216. to put their hands
on each other's hipsCopy !req
217. but we weren't expecting everyone...Copy !req
218. It felt like it was more of
a team when we were together.Copy !req
219. Yeah, we did both.
It was divide and conga.Copy !req
220. Wow.Copy !req
221. OK. Do you want to carry on? Yes.
Do you want a couple of minutes?Copy !req
222. No, go to VT.
Are you sure?Copy !req
223. Go to VT. OK.Copy !req
224. Well, we're gonna see
the Team Of Two first of all,Copy !req
225. so here's how Sarah
and Munya got on.Copy !req
226. It's really hard
to not do da-da, da, da, da, da, da.Copy !req
227. Hey. You may only move the shopping
trolley when there'sCopy !req
228. one minute left on the clock.Copy !req
229. We need to get the
trolley sand-proofedCopy !req
230. so it doesn't all leak out.Copy !req
231. They've got rid of all the buckets.Copy !req
232. There you go.Copy !req
233. Right, so I'm gonna scoop.Copy !req
234. Good work!Copy !req
235. One pot's not gonna be enough,
is it?Copy !req
236. Open your legs,
cos I need to swing this.Copy !req
237. Just slide it in, yeah? Yeah.Copy !req
238. Yeah, cos the thing is,
sometimes I lose my head.Copy !req
239. How many minutes have we got left,
Alex?Copy !req
240. Two minutes and 48.
Two minutes? OK. Shit. And 48.Copy !req
241. I'm gonna double-quick. Yeah.
Left around. Don't let me go.Copy !req
242. No, not letting you go.Copy !req
243. Argh! Oh, are you all right?Copy !req
244. I crushed my fingers. Keep going.Copy !req
245. You're such a hero. You've got
one minute and 50seconds.Copy !req
246. We're gonna have to really run
for the trolley, you know.
Yeah, good work.Copy !req
247. Count us down when it's ten, yeah?Copy !req
248. OK.
As in one minute ten.Copy !req
249. It's now one minute ten.Copy !req
250. Let's get to the trolley.
Ready? Go, go.Copy !req
251. Go, go, go!Copy !req
252. Good, good,
good, good, good.Copy !req
253. OK.Copy !req
254. Argh!Copy !req
255. Go, go, go! Go, go!Copy !req
256. Whoa!Copy !req
257. Are you all right?Copy !req
258. How long? 25 seconds.Copy !req
259. OK, let's get it.
You get in first.Copy !req
260. Oh!Copy !req
261. Hold that open.Copy !req
262. How long?Copy !req
263. How long?Copy !req
264. Ah, shit!Copy !req
265. You didn't even count us down.Copy !req
266. You didn't even count down.
I said count at ten.Copy !req
267. One minute ten, you said.Copy !req
268. Oh, no! So close.Copy !req
269. You've got one bucket in.Copy !req
270. Can I let go now? It's up to you.Copy !req
271. I would have liked a separate camera
just on SarahCopy !req
272. and her contribution to the task,
which was this...Copy !req
273. I had a lovely time.Copy !req
274. It was sort of permission
to touch someone. Yeah.Copy !req
275. It's nice.Copy !req
276. Munya said you could be more
rough with his hips.Copy !req
277. Next... Well, actually,
before we see the Team Of Three,Copy !req
278. one of them would like me to play
a different video first.Copy !req
279. Mm-hm. So I'm gonna show you this.
OK.Copy !req
280. Hi, John.Copy !req
281. Hiya. You OK?Copy !req
282. Er, yeah.Copy !req
283. Oh, God, what the fuck
are you doing?Copy !req
284. Sh!Copy !req
285. Oh, man!Copy !req
286. Sabotage your team...Copy !req
287. What?Copy !req
288. ..in the next task.Copy !req
289. If your team loses the task,
you win five points.Copy !req
290. If your team wins the task,Copy !req
291. you win zero points.Copy !req
292. If your team accuses you
of sabotaging the task..Copy !req
293. ..you win zero points.Copy !req
294. So, the only way you win is if you
lose.Copy !req
295. You understand?Copy !req
296. Yeah, well, I do understand, sadly.Copy !req
297. That's... Do you know what?
That's nasty.Copy !req
298. Well, I'll let you think about that
for a bit, John.Copy !req
299. Oh, man.
Good luck.Copy !req
300. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
301. Oh, dear.Copy !req
302. He's not even making eye contact
with us now,Copy !req
303. and this feels like one of your
relatives have been talkingCopy !req
304. to the FBI about you and then just
silently lifts up their T-shirtCopy !req
305. and there's a microphone pack
on their body.Copy !req
306. Yeah, can I say, it's actually
kind of a relief,Copy !req
307. cos at the time I thought
he was an IDIOT.Copy !req
308. Oh, fucking hell.Copy !req
309. John's been sitting on this
for four months now.Copy !req
310. You had such a go at me.Copy !req
311. We're set for something special
here, aren't we?Copy !req
312. Yeah, but were gonna go to...
I know, were gonna go to a break.Copy !req
313. I mean, when you come back,
there'll be four chairs.Copy !req
314. OK, I've been working on
a new end-of-part link for you,Copy !req
315. and here it is.Copy !req
316. BYE!Copy !req
317. Hello, welcome back
to Taskmaster,Copy !req
318. where a solo sabotage task
has been set.Copy !req
319. Yes, it's true. John Kearns was
given a secret task by meCopy !req
320. in a really cool, underhand
sort of way.Copy !req
321. The legit team task is to get
the most sand intoCopy !req
322. the shopping trolley while they have
half their hands onCopy !req
323. half their hips. If John's team
loses the task,Copy !req
324. John will win five fat points
all to himself,Copy !req
325. but if his team wins,
he gets nothing.Copy !req
326. If you're Dara and Fern,
it's pretty cruel.Copy !req
327. If you're everyone else watching,
it's pretty exciting.Copy !req
328. So, here's how the
Team Of Three got on.Copy !req
329. How fast do you want me to walk?Copy !req
330. I'd say faster than this.Copy !req
331. OK, well, I... It's in case...Copy !req
332. Dafty in the middle.Copy !req
333. Er...
We need containers.Copy !req
334. Is there a bucket,
a bucket or something?Copy !req
335. Eight minutes.Copy !req
336. Hold on, John.Copy !req
337. Just move up nearer to my arse.Copy !req
338. You're crouching, you're crouching.Copy !req
339. You're just spreading it around.
No, no, no.Copy !req
340. Right, there's the pack of sand.Copy !req
341. There's so many better ways we could
have done this.Copy !req
342. I mean, that's the one thing
I have here, is time to reflect.Copy !req
343. I wouldn't complain, Dara,
I think just...Copy !req
344. You're doing a lot of complainingCopy !req
345. and I'm doing a lot of
the labour here.Copy !req
346. Honestly, you're both doing
a brilliant job there.Copy !req
347. I'm just reflecting.Copy !req
348. There's a much better way of
doing... John!Copy !req
349. Why did you do that?Copy !req
350. Oh, my God, did you knock it over?
Why did you do that?Copy !req
351. It goes back on, look.Copy !req
352. OK. OK. Sorry, Fern.Copy !req
353. What if we get one
of these plant pots?Copy !req
354. Get that bucket over there,
yeah. How long's left?Copy !req
355. This is very...
You're got four minutes 20.Copy !req
356. Oh, brilliant.
This is the best plan.Copy !req
357. Hold on, John.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
358. You coming in? Yeah.Copy !req
359. Here we go.Copy !req
360. How you doing, Dara?Copy !req
361. I mean, I would sooner not be in
this exact positionCopy !req
362. for the entire task. Oh...Copy !req
363. Oh, hang on, watch the bucket,
it's sat behind me.Copy !req
364. I don't wanna knock over
the bucket of sand.Copy !req
365. You have to go that way,
you have to go that way.Copy !req
366. John, you have to go that way.
John, you have to go that way.Copy !req
367. Well, I don't wanna knock over...
You don't wanna knock it over.
No, no, no.Copy !req
368. John, be really careful because
you're... There we go.Copy !req
369. Where, where, where, where's the,
er...Copy !req
370. Careful, careful. Careful,
Careful, careful, careful!Copy !req
371. Oh, my God, we almost lost the hat.
Again.Copy !req
372. Right, another bucket.
Quick, another bucket.Copy !req
373. I don't know if there's time,
you know.Copy !req
374. I think we should just make our
way back. We've got time!Copy !req
375. Hold on, John!Copy !req
376. Under the rope, under the rope!Copy !req
377. Ah, fuck's sake.Copy !req
378. There's a hole in the bucket.Copy !req
379. Oh, no.Copy !req
380. I think we should just go back.Copy !req
381. I just wanna get...Copy !req
382. We can't move it until at the one
minute bell strikes.Copy !req
383. How long?
You've now got one minute.Copy !req
384. One minute. Can we move it?
Yes.Copy !req
385. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
386. Right, come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
387. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
388. See, this is when it all pays off.Copy !req
389. Do we have to put it back anywhere?
No, you don't have to move it back.Copy !req
390. All the information's on the task
there, John.Copy !req
391. 20 seconds, John.Copy !req
392. When there is one minute left on
the clock...Copy !req
393. Put the, put the hat... Put the...
Sorry.Copy !req
394. Touch me.
Put that in there.Copy !req
395. What? No, what are you doing?
It has to be in the trolley.Copy !req
396. It's just in the trolley. Oh, I
thought it had to be in one thing.Copy !req
397. No. Ten seconds.Copy !req
398. It says it has to be in one.
No it doesn't say... What? Does it?Copy !req
399. Yeah, yeah.
Wait, does it say that?Copy !req
400. Does it say that? It does!Copy !req
401. John, you idiot. We've been
fucking robbed.Copy !req
402. John!Copy !req
403. Yeah, that's your time up.Copy !req
404. Why did you do that?Copy !req
405. John just went mad.Copy !req
406. No, no, no, no, no.
I dug that for ages.Copy !req
407. You threw all the sand out.Copy !req
408. There's so much fucking sand
in there.Copy !req
409. John, don't. Don't do more.
Please.Copy !req
410. You've just thrown all the sand out.Copy !req
411. I don't believe you threw out
all the sand. Oh...Copy !req
412. I don't, I don't know, I don't know.Copy !req
413. I don't know where to start.Copy !req
414. Fern had already called you "Dafty
in the middle",Copy !req
415. before the task sabotage even
started.Copy !req
416. When he turned the hat upside down
and just started laughing...Copy !req
417. .. and you just both went, "What are
you doing?"Copy !req
418. I did so much work.Copy !req
419. I did most of the work in that task,Copy !req
420. and then, the whole time, Dara was
just barking orders from the back,Copy !req
421. while John just mischievously did
stuff in the middle... Yeah!Copy !req
422. ..so I felt like I did the most
there.Copy !req
423. You were really industriousCopy !req
424. and I hope this pans out that you do
get some points and John doesn't.Copy !req
425. I admit that I'm a bit worried,Copy !req
426. because although, you know, I got
rid of the hat and that long tube,Copy !req
427. we both had one bucket of sand.Copy !req
428. Yeah, its close, it's very close.Copy !req
429. What do the scales say, baby?Copy !req
430. So, if the team of three win, John
loses.Copy !req
431. If the team of two wins, John wins.
Yep.Copy !req
432. The team of two got 21kg of sand.
21kg.Copy !req
433. How are you feeling?Copy !req
434. Hopeful.Copy !req
435. I'll wait till you've finished the
rest of the sentence.Copy !req
436. So, the team of three put in 20...Copy !req
437. Oh!Copy !req
438. .. point 9kg.Copy !req
439. Some of it fell through the bottom
of the thing cos you...Copy !req
440. Did you scoop it off the... the slats
of the... of the trolley?Copy !req
441. The slats were very thin. There was
not a lot of sand on the slats.Copy !req
442. So, there it is. So, what does that
do points-wise?Copy !req
443. Well, it means, unfortunately, Dara
and Fern don't get any pointsCopy !req
444. but all three - Sarah, Munya
and John get five points.Copy !req
445. There it is.Copy !req
446. Sometimes, dirty deeds pay.Copy !req
447. Let's have a scoreboard, please,
Horne.Copy !req
448. OK, I've got the scoreboard right
hereCopy !req
449. and John is having his best ever
episode by miles.Copy !req
450. He's in the lead with ten points.Copy !req
451. Very good. Another task, please,
little dolly.Copy !req
452. Right you are. And let's all scream
for ice cream!Copy !req
453. Look what I made you.Copy !req
454. Ooh!Copy !req
455. Ooh!Copy !req
456. Mm. Goddamn! What's been going on
in this room?Copy !req
457. Oh, ice cream.Copy !req
458. You like ice cream?Copy !req
459. I like some ice creams.Copy !req
460. Some of it looks gross.Copy !req
461. Identify the ice cream flavours.Copy !req
462. The most correct ice cream flavours
identified wins.Copy !req
463. You have ten minutes.Copy !req
464. And you must find every flavour
delicious.Copy !req
465. Delicious?Copy !req
466. Delicious!Copy !req
467. That's... controlling.Copy !req
468. Your time starts, now.Copy !req
469. Alex, I'm on a no-sugar diet.Copy !req
470. You lot have done me dirty cos
you've picked my one weakness.Copy !req
471. You want me to break my diet?Copy !req
472. Will it have an instant effect on
your body?Copy !req
473. Then, I'd love to see it.Copy !req
474. It's very important to find each
flavour delicious. Mm.Copy !req
475. And there maybe more than one
flavour in all of them, in fact.Copy !req
476. What are you talking about?Copy !req
477. Right, so, I've got ten minutes to
identify ice cream,Copy !req
478. not even tasting them.Copy !req
479. What is the sauce?Copy !req
480. What is it? Yes, what is it?Copy !req
481. I thought Fern sounded like she was
in a kebab shopCopy !req
482. at 3am in the morning. Oh, I know.
Play out?Copy !req
483. Yeah, I can play that sound. Here we
go.Copy !req
484. What is the sauce?Copy !req
485. What is it?Copy !req
486. I'm sorry to say I just have the
voice of a drunk person.Copy !req
487. What's going on with this sugar
thing, then, Munya,Copy !req
488. before I start judging you?Copy !req
489. You see the thing is, yeah,Copy !req
490. the dentist told me I was 1mm away
from a root canal.Copy !req
491. Oh, my God, I'm going to penalise
you so heavily.Copy !req
492. No!Copy !req
493. Please, please! You want to see
some? Yeah!Copy !req
494. OK, we're going to start with three
of them first -Copy !req
495. Sarah, Munya and Fernya. Here we go.Copy !req
496. Mm... This one looks like it's going
to be poo-flavoured.Copy !req
497. You must find it delicious, please.Copy !req
498. Oh, that's very nice.Copy !req
499. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
500. That's a bit salty, that is. Mm.Copy !req
501. Wait. So, I can eat this.Copy !req
502. I know what it is but I know what it
is.Copy !req
503. Dog biscuits.Copy !req
504. Argh, that's dog food, isn't it?Copy !req
505. That's dog food.Copy !req
506. Crisps, innit?Copy !req
507. Mm, delicious.Copy !req
508. That is fucking vile.Copy !req
509. Right, next one...Copy !req
510. Is it curry powder? OK.Copy !req
511. Tandoori ice cream.Copy !req
512. Coronation Chicken, innit?Copy !req
513. This one...Copy !req
514. Oh, wow!Copy !req
515. Wowzers.Copy !req
516. Oof!Copy !req
517. Just smells of nothing.Copy !req
518. Chilli and...Copy !req
519. .. let's go mango.Copy !req
520. How about mash ice cream cos it's
got the consistency of mash?Copy !req
521. Some sort of Mexican flavour.Copy !req
522. I've been doing really well, so far.Copy !req
523. Mm.Copy !req
524. Cream flavour!Copy !req
525. Cream flavour ice cream?Copy !req
526. Uh-oh.Copy !req
527. Is there something else?Copy !req
528. Oh, is it breast milk?Copy !req
529. Coconut liquorice.Copy !req
530. That sounds nice.Copy !req
531. I think it's vanilla. I think it's a
curveball.Copy !req
532. White chocolate and breast milk. Mm!Copy !req
533. Cos that is a thing.Copy !req
534. I don't do olives. Tiny, shitty
grapes.Copy !req
535. You've only got one and a half
minutes. Oh, go to hell.Copy !req
536. I'm just going to have the green
stuff.Copy !req
537. You must find each flavour
delicious.Copy !req
538. Olive green smoothie. That's
my... that's my answer.Copy !req
539. Oh, I've been excited about this
one. The last one.Copy !req
540. I've never said, "That's vile",
before and gone in for more.Copy !req
541. Also, you have to say it's
delicious.Copy !req
542. Oh, sorry! That's northern for
delicious.Copy !req
543. Petrol or something.Copy !req
544. Maybe something cheesy? OK.Copy !req
545. Fucking salt and petrol or
something.Copy !req
546. Urgh. Please, find it delicious.Copy !req
547. Urgh!Copy !req
548. It's so horrible!Copy !req
549. You can stop now.Copy !req
550. Urgh!Copy !req
551. I mean, on reflection,Copy !req
552. you sounded like you were in a kebab
house throughout.Copy !req
553. This whole thing, I don't know how
to...Copy !req
554. Whether I'm going to penalise peopleCopy !req
555. because you were supposed to make
out it was delicious throughout.Copy !req
556. Sarah, the very first thing you said
after tasted one is, and I quote,Copy !req
557. "What the fuck is that?"Copy !req
558. Like, "Ooh, what the fuck is that?
Mm."Copy !req
559. Munya, you appeared to be trying to
smell flavoursCopy !req
560. to avoid a solitary filling.Copy !req
561. I think it's more of an achievement
to have snorted ice creamCopy !req
562. cos I got that one right, didn't I?Copy !req
563. There were ten flavours, there. You
got one of the ten.Copy !req
564. Shall I tell you what the actual
flavours were? Please.Copy !req
565. The dog food one, they thought was
dog food was marmite and porridge.Copy !req
566. Then, we had curry and naan bread.Copy !req
567. We've accepted most of their curry
answers.Copy !req
568. Cornflakes and chilli. Most of them
got chilli.Copy !req
569. Then, we had white chocolate and
macaroni cheese,Copy !req
570. and then, the petrol one was
bechamel sauceCopy !req
571. and Brussels sprout puree.Copy !req
572. Bechamel, beautiful, beautiful.Copy !req
573. So, out of them, Munya only got one
flavour,Copy !req
574. Sarah - two, Fern - three of the
flavours.Copy !req
575. Does something cheesy not count as
macaroni cheese?Copy !req
576. No.Copy !req
577. All right, it's the end of Part Two.Copy !req
578. Now, tell him to get his hands out
of his pyjama bottomsCopy !req
579. and go and make you a cup of tea.Copy !req
580. Oh, hello!Copy !req
581. Welcome back to Part Three of
Taskmaster. Where were we, Alex?Copy !req
582. Oh, I'm so sorry, I appear to have
gone all coy.Copy !req
583. I'm back! Ice cream flavour
identification,Copy !req
584. that's where we were, and now, for
the final two, it's John and Dara.Copy !req
585. This is going to be rancid.Copy !req
586. Oh, it's very nice.Copy !req
587. Delicious.Copy !req
588. I mean, that's like white chocolate.Copy !req
589. Is it white chocolate?Copy !req
590. OK, white chocolate... There's bits
in that, there's bits.Copy !req
591. Right, tell me about the bits.Copy !req
592. Marshmallow.Copy !req
593. Oh, a delicious kick off that.Copy !req
594. Oh, Jesus Christ!Copy !req
595. Would you like a glass of water?
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
596. Delicious water coming up. Mm!Copy !req
597. Sweet Jesus.Copy !req
598. Oh!Copy !req
599. Chilli. Sounds nice.Copy !req
600. It's not just nice, it's delicious.Copy !req
601. This thing's driving me crazy.Copy !req
602. Wasabi maybe?Copy !req
603. Wasabi.Copy !req
604. Wasabi?Copy !req
605. It's curry.Copy !req
606. Tikka Masala.Copy !req
607. OK, we're in the last 45 seconds.Copy !req
608. It's delicious.Copy !req
609. There might be more than one
flavour in...Copy !req
610. Yeah, no, I think you've really
gone to town here. Mm.Copy !req
611. Yeah, it's Marmite.Copy !req
612. Marmite. OK.Copy !req
613. Delicious. Oh, it was delicious.
What a treat!Copy !req
614. Well, I must commend both gentlemenCopy !req
615. for making an effort with the
deliciousness. Thank you.Copy !req
616. The first contestants so far to
pretend they liked it.Copy !req
617. I particularly enjoyed Dara's,
"There's a delicious kick off that."Copy !req
618. And you both did some great
face-acting as well.Copy !req
619. That was not acting. That was a
genuine human responseCopy !req
620. to my body wanting to expel what I
just put into it.Copy !req
621. They seemed pretty good, though.Copy !req
622. Well, they both got the Marmite,
which was very pleasing.Copy !req
623. They both got curry and white
chocolate.Copy !req
624. But Dara got one extra cos he got
the chilli as well.Copy !req
625. So, it means that Munya only gets
the one point, then.Copy !req
626. Sarah gets two points,Copy !req
627. John and Fern come joint second,
having guessed three flavours,Copy !req
628. so they get four points each.Copy !req
629. But the winner of this task is
Dara O Briain. He gets five points.Copy !req
630. Next task, please.Copy !req
631. OK. Ready? Catch!Copy !req
632. What up, my slime?Copy !req
633. Ah! What up?Copy !req
634. Hello. Oh, hello, Fern.Copy !req
635. Catch something.Copy !req
636. Catch something.Copy !req
637. The most spectacular catch wins.Copy !req
638. You have 20 minutes.Copy !req
639. Time starts, now.Copy !req
640. Has anybody got Covid, no? No, I
don't have Covid.Copy !req
641. Have you got any sort of infectious
diseases?Copy !req
642. I had appendicitis, when I was
eight.Copy !req
643. Oh.Copy !req
644. I remember catching something, when
I was a kid.Copy !req
645. My dad kicked an American football
in the air.Copy !req
646. I really remember...Copy !req
647. .. catching it.Copy !req
648. Are you good at catching?Copy !req
649. Yeah, if I can see the thing coming.Copy !req
650. But how much better and more
spectacular would it be,Copy !req
651. if I couldn't see it coming?Copy !req
652. Oh, my God! So, my first thought is
just illnessesCopy !req
653. but I just don't think any of us
have got time.Copy !req
654. So, first things first, I need a
ball.Copy !req
655. I'm just going to find a ball, Alex,
OK? OK.Copy !req
656. You stay right there, my slime.Copy !req
657. What do you catch?Copy !req
658. You catch a fish.Copy !req
659. But everyone's going to say catch a
fish.Copy !req
660. What could I catch? Nothing's alive
in here.Copy !req
661. You don't want to go outside and
just catch things?Copy !req
662. What would I catch outside, the
birds?Copy !req
663. Uh, I wouldn't worry about animals.Copy !req
664. People?Copy !req
665. Kidnap?Copy !req
666. Also, whenever there's one of these,
you have to do it.Copy !req
667. Mine's better. Mine's always better.Copy !req
668. It's shit.Copy !req
669. So, your first three instincts of
what you could catch, Fern,Copy !req
670. are a fish, a bird, people.Copy !req
671. Yes.Copy !req
672. I thought that was all obvious
things to say.Copy !req
673. John, do you want to tell us more
about the moving storyCopy !req
674. from your youth, before we crack on?Copy !req
675. Honestly, it's... it's a vivid
childhood memoryCopy !req
676. that I caught it and I kept on
running.Copy !req
677. And you've not... you've not seen any
of your family since.Copy !req
678. Let's see some spectacular catches.Copy !req
679. Fine. Yes, it's a simple task - most
spectacular catch wins.Copy !req
680. We're going to start with Mun and
Jun. Here we go.Copy !req
681. Alex...Copy !req
682. ..how good are you at throwing?Copy !req
683. Pretty good.Copy !req
684. Well, I was thinking of maybe
punting it over the house,Copy !req
685. and then, running around and
catching it.Copy !req
686. I'm going to sit on Greg's shouldersCopy !req
687. and you're going to go all the way
to the other side of the houseCopy !req
688. and throw the ball into my bucket,
yeah?Copy !req
689. Yes.Copy !req
690. Right then...Copy !req
691. Throw it!Copy !req
692. Oh, no.Copy !req
693. Alex, more power!Copy !req
694. More power.Copy !req
695. Right, I've just got to go high.Copy !req
696. Oh, dear.Copy !req
697. No, Alex. Come on!Copy !req
698. No, and again!Copy !req
699. More power! Oh, fuck!Copy !req
700. Don't swear at me, Alex.Copy !req
701. Go on, go on!Copy !req
702. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
703. The problem is I'm not around here,
when it lands.Copy !req
704. No! My arm hurts.Copy !req
705. Everyone watching this right now
thinks we can't do it.Copy !req
706. I don't think we can do it.Copy !req
707. But that's what's going to make it
impressive, right?Copy !req
708. Let me see that fire. Go on, let's
say, "Argh!" Argh.Copy !req
709. No, listen to me, again, you're half
holding back.Copy !req
710. I want you to just go argh! I'm
cold. My shoulder hurts.Copy !req
711. Argh.Copy !req
712. Argh!Copy !req
713. Yes, nearly, Alex. One more!Copy !req
714. Oh, that's the way to go, though.Copy !req
715. Yeah! Oh, Alex, we nearly had it!Copy !req
716. One more, one more!Copy !req
717. Yeah! Oh, no!Copy !req
718. Oh, shit.Copy !req
719. Go on.Copy !req
720. Well, something's happened.Copy !req
721. Something's fucking happened!Copy !req
722. I caught one. I'll take that.Copy !req
723. This is my last ball.Copy !req
724. Are you ready?Copy !req
725. Yeah! OK, here we go, Munya.Copy !req
726. Come on.Copy !req
727. Argh!Copy !req
728. Did you catch it? Nooo!Copy !req
729. What was it you said, when Munya
quite reasonably asked youCopy !req
730. to put more power into your throw?Copy !req
731. I don't know, what did I say?Copy !req
732. I'll tell you what you said. Right.Copy !req
733. You whispered to yourself, "Fuck
sake."Copy !req
734. 13 series and that's the first time
you've ever sworn. First time, yeah.Copy !req
735. Well, how do you think that made
Munya...Copy !req
736. Look at Munya's face, now. Yeah.Copy !req
737. He's only 21 or something.Copy !req
738. First time... first time I've ever
sworn.Copy !req
739. John, this is what I wrote down -Copy !req
740. "When I was at primary school there
was a boy called Morgan,Copy !req
741. "who got sent home one dayCopy !req
742. "because he tried to eat the hood
off his own coat."Copy !req
743. Throughout that task, you reminded
me of Morgan.Copy !req
744. OK, next up, like all of us, she's
scared of fires.Copy !req
745. Yes, it's Bern Afrady.Copy !req
746. Oh, lovely.Copy !req
747. 20 minutes, 20 minutes.Copy !req
748. I caught a falling star.Copy !req
749. I know. Powered only by turquoise
fart.Copy !req
750. Yes.Copy !req
751. Greg, I thought I'd show a little
making of video,Copy !req
752. so we can all admire the effort that
Fern put into hers.Copy !req
753. OK, let's have a break.Copy !req
754. When we return, the high-octane
action continuesCopy !req
755. and someone wins a dry skin foot
scraper.Copy !req
756. Oh, no! Oh, yes! It's the final part
of the showCopy !req
757. and the current task involves
catching.Copy !req
758. Recap, Alex.Copy !req
759. It's a simple task - most
spectacular catch wins.Copy !req
760. We've had some classic catching and
some CGI catching, so far.Copy !req
761. Next up, it's not the mayor of
silicon.Copy !req
762. No, It's Sarah Millican.Copy !req
763. Pretty clever.Copy !req
764. She caught fire. Enchanting.Copy !req
765. I... I got it. Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
766. I particularly liked the...Copy !req
767. Yeah. .. the romance of that with
this twat in the background.Copy !req
768. Yeah, I wasn't sure he was going to
be in the actual edit.Copy !req
769. Oh, really?Copy !req
770. I thought it was supposed to look
like I was blowing it out.Copy !req
771. It did sort of mess with the romance
of it a little bit, didn't it?Copy !req
772. I really enjoyed... I'd never used a
fire extinguisher before.Copy !req
773. I now use them all the time.Copy !req
774. Last one? Last one, yes.Copy !req
775. Finally, it's the date of birth
himself, DOB, Dara O Briain.Copy !req
776. Oh!Copy !req
777. Wait there, little one. You wait
there.Copy !req
778. I will close the door.Copy !req
779. Oh, my baby!Copy !req
780. No!Copy !req
781. What is happening to my baby?Copy !req
782. Who will save my baby?Copy !req
783. Nooo!Copy !req
784. Will somebody catch my baby?Copy !req
785. Ooh!Copy !req
786. Dara, it was a hauntingly beautiful
tale.Copy !req
787. All that we need to do is to give
the film a titleCopy !req
788. and then we can move on
and give some points out.Copy !req
789. Well, obviously Ooh, My Baby.Copy !req
790. Ooh, My Baby it is. Right.
Here come some points.Copy !req
791. Yes. Do you wanna do the
least-spectacular catch first? Yeah,
course, and I feel sorry for himCopy !req
792. because he really did try,Copy !req
793. but someone didn't put enough powerCopy !req
794. into their fucking throws,
did they?Copy !req
795. Fuck's sake. So...Copy !req
796. It's not right
hearing him swear, is it?Copy !req
797. No. Feels wrong.
He didn't actually do any catches.Copy !req
798. No, but give the boy a point,
for God's sake.Copy !req
799. Please. OK, so one point to
Munya Chawawa. Yes. OK.Copy !req
800. Amazingly, getting two points just
because there wasCopy !req
801. a catch involved,
John gets two points.Copy !req
802. Well done, John. Three points -Copy !req
803. and I blame you for this as well,Copy !req
804. because if you'd been
airbrush CGI'd out of itCopy !req
805. and I could have just seen
her hauntingly blowingCopy !req
806. the flames out, then she might
have been up higher.Copy !req
807. So three points - your fault.Copy !req
808. Yep, good, good, good.
Three to Sarah.Copy !req
809. Four points for the disturbingCopy !req
810. and yet comforting filmCopy !req
811. of a woman who pluckedCopy !req
812. a star from the sky... Lovely.Copy !req
813. .. under the power of her own
flatulence go to Fern,Copy !req
814. and finally... how could Ooh,
My Baby getCopy !req
815. anything than a deserved
five points?Copy !req
816. Five points toDara O Briain.Copy !req
817. Please stay where you are while AlexCopy !req
818. and I head to the stage...
Ooooh!Copy !req
819. .. for the final task of the show.Copy !req
820. Hello. Who will read the task?Copy !req
821. John Kearns, the leader.Copy !req
822. And a liar.Copy !req
823. "Predict whether an item will create
a higher or lower number of decibelsCopy !req
824. "than the previous item.Copy !req
825. "If you are wrong, you are out.Copy !req
826. "Last player standing wins."Copy !req
827. Yes, so, very simply,Copy !req
828. Greg is gonna make a noise.Copy !req
829. I am. He's then gonna tell you what
he's gonna do with the next one,Copy !req
830. and you have to predict whether that
noise is gonna be louder or quieterCopy !req
831. than the previous noise.Copy !req
832. You have paddles there
with "higher" or "lower" on.Copy !req
833. If you're wrong, you're out, unless
all of you are wrong, and thenCopy !req
834. we'll move onto the next one.
But once you're out, you're out.Copy !req
835. It's a rip-off of
Play Your Cards Right.Copy !req
836. So were going to start off with
the opening noise.Copy !req
837. A simple horn.Copy !req
838. Sarah, would you like
to do yours before I commence?Copy !req
839. Thank you.Copy !req
840. And now the horn proper.Copy !req
841. And that is 107 decibels. 107.Copy !req
842. And now were in gameplay.Copy !req
843. This noise is going to be
a packet of cereal landing on a bar.Copy !req
844. Will that be higher or lower
than 107 decibels?Copy !req
845. Have a think.Copy !req
846. Please reveal your guesses now.Copy !req
847. OK, we have three highers,
two lowers.Copy !req
848. We're going to lose some people
here. Some people are going out.Copy !req
849. John and Sarah think lower,
the rest think higher.Copy !req
850. Are you ready, Greg?Copy !req
851. That's got to be louder.Copy !req
852. Real problems cos I didn't press
the right button on the...Copy !req
853. This is to beat 107 decibels.Copy !req
854. Tell me to release the cereal.Copy !req
855. Release the cereal.Copy !req
856. It's 101.9 decibels.Copy !req
857. It's already down to two people.Copy !req
858. The lowers are John Kearns
and Sarah Millican.Copy !req
859. This time Greg is going
to attack the marbles withCopy !req
860. an electric toothbrush?Copy !req
861. It's an electric toothbrush,
and I'll be thrusting itCopy !req
862. in and out of marbles
in a regulation manner.Copy !req
863. OK, so do you think that's gonna be
higher or lower thanCopy !req
864. the release of cereal onto a bar?Copy !req
865. Are you gonna be jabbing
or are you gonna be rolling?Copy !req
866. I'm sorry, John, I did sayCopy !req
867. I'd be thrusting it
in and out of the marblesCopy !req
868. in a regulation manner.Copy !req
869. So will it be higher or lower
than 101.9?Copy !req
870. Please release your paddles now.Copy !req
871. Ooh, this is going to be the end of
the task!Copy !req
872. Oh, we're going to get ourselves...Copy !req
873. We've got a higher and lower, and if
this is lower than 101.9,Copy !req
874. then Sarah Millican wins. If it's
higher than 101.9,Copy !req
875. John Kearns, the unlikely candidate,
wins.Copy !req
876. Let's dance.Copy !req
877. The brush is on.Copy !req
878. Let the thrust commence.Copy !req
879. You did what you said you were
gonna do.Copy !req
880. And that wasCopy !req
881. 90.7 decibels, which means the
winner - already -Copy !req
882. is Sarah Millican.Copy !req
883. There it is.Copy !req
884. Let's go back down and see how
that's affected the final scores.Copy !req
885. The points for that one, we have
three people in joint third.Copy !req
886. That was, of course,
Dara, Munya and Fern.Copy !req
887. They all get three points each.Copy !req
888. Four points for second place
was John,Copy !req
889. just behind Sarah Millican,
who gets five points.Copy !req
890. So... It's John Kearns in the lead,
with 20 points! Well done, John.Copy !req
891. Wow! What? John Kearns wins!Copy !req
892. Please go and surround yourself
with your Sunday funday prizes.Copy !req
893. So, what have we learnt today?Copy !req
894. We've learnt that if you find
yourself on a night outCopy !req
895. with your friends, and you've had
a little too much to drinkCopy !req
896. and you're feeling peckish, before
you pop that late-night snackCopy !req
897. into your mouth, don't forget
to ask yourself...Copy !req
898. What is the sauce?
What IS that?Copy !req
899. This episode is over but I want you
to all go to bedCopy !req
900. thinking about tonight's winner.Copy !req
901. Unbelievably, it is John Kearns!Copy !req