Tall Tales & Legends 1x3

1. - Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, William Hayes, Hank Aaron,

2. Reggie Jackson, Pete Rose.

3. Every kid from seven to 70 knows their statistics as well as their names.

4. May I have a hot one, please?

5. - One hot one! Comin' up!

6. There you go.

7. - Thank you. - Welcome.

8. - For the game of baseball is our national pastime,

9. the players of baseball are surely our national heroes.

10. - You tell 'em, Shel.

11. - And there's no player more famous than a slugger who was created

12. by a poetic sports writer, named Ernest Thayer Jr.

13. The location was Mudville. The time was long ago.

14. The slugger's name was Casey.

15. We all know him as... Casey at the Bat.

16. So, I'll see you after the game.

17. - Well, for those of you just tuning in,

18. the score's still tied 4-4

19. and it doesn't look like this rain's letting up,

20. but we got a beauty going for you.

21. - You are so obvious, Joe.

22. Yes, the tiny droplets cascade to the Earth

23. in a symphony of wetness dampening our spirits

24. even as they dampen the turf.

25. - Nothing like a rain delay to get old motor mouth going here!

26. - Since we have a little time here,

27. why don't we stop, nay, pause.

28. Nay, pause... did you get that, Joe?

29. and tell the fans a chapter

30. from baseball's great history.

31. - Okay, pause!

32. - This is the story, Joe,

33. about a man who saved the great game of baseball,

34. made it the sport we love today.

35. The man's name is Casey Frank.

36. - Will you give me a break!

37. - Alright, I'll give you a little Keats and Shelley:

38. the outlook wasn't brilliant for the town of Mudville.

39. It was the long hot summer of 1888.

40. - You were there!

41. Mudville was like any number of factory towns in America

42. that sprung up like crab grass after the Industrial Revolution

43. Except in Mudville, they didn't make steel or iron or tin,

44. they made mud.

45. They even had a mud museum.

46. The biggest factory in town was Mudville Mudco.

47. They made mud chairs, mud couches, mud lamps,

48. everything for the modern house could be made out of mud.

49. The man who ran the company was a fellow named Big Jim Undercrawl,

50. or, as he was known to the town as Boss Undercrawl,

51. or sometimes, Boss Big Jim Undercrawl.

52. But despite his name,

53. he was not a kind man.

54. He was the sort of guy who would sell his own mother

55. and charge extra for shipping.

56. - Then, I'm gonna change the way we do business around here.

57. We're firing all the workers at the factory

58. and we're installing automated mud forging machines.

59. What do you think of that!

60. - An excellent idea, sir. An inspiration.

61. - Can it, you toady little creep.

62. This brings me to a little problem.

63. These machines let off an unpleasant waste side effect.

64. A by-product called sludge.

65. Now, unlike the sludge that shows up at a family reunion,

66. this stuff is hard to get rid of, so...

67. we're gonna need a dump site.

68. After considering several of your homes...

69. I have decided on the following alternative...

70. Smiley! - The White House, the—

71. - The map!

72. - The map, sir! The map, the map...

73. - Out!

74. This is Mudville Stadium, home of the Mudville Hogs,

75. the losingest baseball team in the country.

76. The Stadium is owned by the Widow Bleacher,

77. who has agreed to sell it to me

78. for $500.

79. This will be no problem

80. just as long as the old bat doesn't die before then.

81. Any questions?

82. - Uh, yeah. Yes, excuse me, sir,

83. but the Mudville baseball stadium is the only baseball stadium on the planet.

84. That's where all the teams go to play.

85. If you turn it into a sludge dump,

86. where will people go to play baseball?

87. - Nowhere, that's where, you hand-wringing turnip!

88. Nobody goes to those games anyway, except losers and degenerates

89. and they don't even brag about it.

90. - Sir, I was— - Can it, you little hydrant!

91. You know what I think about baseball?

92. I think baseball should exist as a sleep aid

93. for the chronically awake.

94. Any fool who wants to go around

95. knocking a strange little round object with a long stick

96. ought to join a chain gang.

97. That's what I think.

98. What do you think?

99. - Alright! Yeah, yeah. - Then it's settled.

100. We put our dump site here,

101. and baseball be damned!

102. Baseball wasn't onl in its infancy,

103. it hadn't even been born yet.

104. You could hardly call it baseball at this stage.

105. Whatever it was, it was hard to like.

106. - Look at the little guy.

107. What a dumb sport.

108. - Over here, Slider.

109. - Then how come you're here every day?

110. - It's only because my house burned down.

111. - Pfff! - It was between this

112. or sleeping by the railroad tracks.

113. Tomorrow, I'm gonna try the tracks.

114. - You just wait and see, Charlie.

115. Baseball's a great game.

116. Someday, it's gonna be the national pastime, right, Slider?

117. - I got it, I got it!

118. - Come on, fellows! Get 'em with four!

119. Smack that ball as hard as you can, come on, guys!

120. Hit it in the sky, over the fence!

121. - Oh!

122. - Hello again, everyone. Ernie Thayer, on the Mudville Telegraph Network.

123. - And this is Joe Thayer,

124. Ern's colour man, bringing you exciting Mudville Hogs' baseball action.

125. Baseball fever! Try it.

126. It's really not as boring as it looks.

127. - Well, the outlook isn't brilliant

128. for the Mudville nine today.

129. The score stands 324-2,

130. with but one inning more to play.

131. - Georgie, you think Old Man Williams will play me today?

132. - I don't know, Casey.

133. He hasn't played you one in the last three years.

134. But today's game is a hopeless cause.

135. Could be your lucky break.

136. - No, no, no! That's bad!

137. - That's good, Casey.

138. - It is? - Yeah.

139. - That's good! Do it again! Again!

140. Ah, I sure love this darn sport.

141. But I've been sitting on the bench for so long,

142. my fanny's got permanent splinters!

143. - If you want him to put you in the game, Casey,

144. why don't you ask him?

145. - Ask him?

146. That's a grand idea, Georgie, you're a sweet kid.

147. They ought to name a candy bar after you.

148. - Right! Like some people are really gonna buy a candy bar called Georgie.

149. - Uh... excuse me, Mr. Williams.

150. - What do you want from me, bat boy?

151. - I'm not the bat boy, I'm a player.

152. - You want a promotion, is that it, huh?

153. Wanna go from bat boy to player, just like that, huh?

154. - I already am a player, sir. I'm a first-base—

155. - Oh, no, no.

156. What's his name's on first.

157. - Who's on first?

158. - Don't you start that with me!

159. - Mr. Williams, I just want to know if I can play today.

160. - Uh... what's the score?

161. - Well, it's 324 to two, sir.

162. - Nah...!

163. Score's too close. Can't take the risk.

164. Come on, you guys!

165. Let's get out there and show me your stuff!

166. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

167. - Baseball's gonna be big, Charlie.

168. You know who's gonna make it happen?

169. Casey Frank.

170. He's gonna make baseball into a national pastime.

171. All he needs is some confidence.

172. Slider?

173. We got our work cut out for us.

174. That's right.

175. - So, after another discouraging day at the ball park,

176. Casey went to dinner at the home of Barbara Dent, his fiancée.

177. Barbara was the girl next door,

178. a kind soul who worked hard to support herself as a typist.

179. Unfortunately, the typewriter had not yet been invented.

180. So Barbara suffered long periods of unemployment.

181. - Barbara!

182. - Daddy's really looking forward to seeing you, Casey.

183. - When's that good-for-nothing loaf getting here anyway?

184. Casey's here, Dad! - Oh, darn!

185. Thought he might have gotten hit by a milk truck.

186. - Don't mind my father, Casey.

187. He's never quite himself until he's had a nice bath.

188. He's had a hard day at the mud factory.

189. - Ah, all cleaned up.

190. - Did you have a good day at work, sir?

191. - What would you know about work?

192. You've never done an honest day's work in your life.

193. - Hi, Daddy! - Oh, hi, honey.

194. - You look so clean!

195. - Oh, thank you, honey.

196. I am foreman at the mud plant,

197. why don't you come down and let me give you a job there?

198. Or are you afraid to get down and dirty with the big boys?

199. - Casey's not afraid of anything, Dad.

200. - The nice thing about mud work, pal,

201. is that you're never gonna be replaced by a machine.

202. - I don't want to work at the factory, sir. I'm a baseball player.

203. You are? Well, they never let you play!

204. - Still, I love the concept.

205. - Uh, Barbara...

206. whatever happened to that nice dentist you were going out with?

207. Billy... Gumble. I used to like him!

208. - You remember, Daddy, he moved to Nevada.

209. He was caught strangling a cow. He's in jail now.

210. - Hmm, still, he was a nice boy.

211. - Mister Dent, why don't you come out to the game tomorrow with Barbara?

212. - If I'm no good, I'll quit baseball

213. and start a career in mud.

214. But if I do well...

215. you've got to let me marry your daughter!

216. - Now that's a proposition that interests me.

217. It's very dramatic.

218. - Come on, you pinhead! Let's go see the Widow Belcher! - Bleacher!

219. - That's my town, I can pronounce her names anyway I want.

220. Pan! - Pen.

221. - Paper? - Paper.

222. - Rader. - Water.

223. - Pacific red snapper. - Pacific snapper.

224. Sir, what would need a Pacific red snapper for?

225. - I don't, you antediluvian doorknob,

226. I'm just exercising my power randomly.

227. - Mrs. Bleacher! How good to see you.

228. - Huh-uh.

229. - My, it's a lovely sweater you're knitting.

230. - That's not a sweater, you bozo, it's a sock!

231. - You must have been working on that a long time.

232. - Seventeen years.

233. Since my husband died, I haven't had too many hobbies.

234. All you can do at my age is make socks,

235. revise your will and...

236. keep track of your teeth.

237. - Keep track of your teeth!

238. - Sir, I know I asked you yesterday if I could play and you said no,

239. but today's different. Today I'm offering to pay you.

240. - Oh! Casey, Casey Frank!

241. - How do you know my name?

242. - I've been watching you, boy. I'm a big fan of yours.

243. - Sure. What sport? Sitting?

244. - No, let me introduce myself.

245. My name is Gumm. Pop Gumm. - Hi, Pop.

246. - Casey, I think you could be the biggest baseball player ever!

247. - Thanks, Pop. But what am I doing wrong?

248. - Let me give you a couple of batting tips.

249. Why don't you try holding that bat upside down?

250. - You mean by the thin part?

251. - That's right, by the handle!

252. - That'll never work.

253. - You wanna be a legend or not?

254. Now listen...

255. This is a magic potion kind of thing. My own special recipe.

256. I'll bring it to you before every game.

257. You just rub it on you bat and every ball you hit will be a home run.

258. - Get out!

259. - Stop being so negative, you big lug. Think positive!

260. With this potion on your bat,

261. step up to the plate.

262. You relax...

263. You take your swing... and it's in the seats.

264. - You know something? It's crazy...

265. but it just might work.

266. - Oh, Barbara! Mighty pretty dress here.

267. - Ah! Widow Bleacher, would you mind signing the paper?

268. I give you the $500 and take charge of the stadium.

269. - Daisy! You can't sell the stadium.

270. That would mean the end of baseball as we know it!

271. - So?

272. - Now, you keep on asking me and I keep on saying no!

273. No is no. No, a thousand times no!

274. You can't play!

275. - Sir, my fiancée and her father are sitting in the stands today

276. and I promised them, I said that if I didn't do well today,

277. I'd quit the team once and for all.

278. - Quit the team?

279. - You can't look a gift horse in the mouth.

280. You can bat for Blake!

281. - What?

282. - Barbara, what do you see in this Casey anyway?

283. - He's so loyal and so trustworthy.

284. He's my best friend.

285. - Why don't I just get you a dog?

286. - Casey is easier on the furniture!

287. Go, Casey!

288. Show 'em where you live!

289. - He's holding the bat upside down!

290. - He who laughs last laughs best, Charlie!

291. - Can we go, now? - Shut up, frontal lobe!

292. Game ain't over till the fat lady signs.

293. - Argh!

294. - That home run was just the beginning.

295. Casey hit 20 home runs,

296. and the Hogs won their very first game.

297. Before long, the players would improve,

298. the excitement would build, and because of Casey,

299. the Mudville fans would come alive.

300. - That crowd's jumping up and down like a bunch of kangaroos on a hot stove.

301. I'm beginning to think that this stadium is worth a lot more than $500.

302. Like, uh... $5000!

303. - But we had a deal! - Yeah! We hada deal!

304. And the next time you call me a fat lady,

305. don't do it in my good ear!

306. - Come on! Drip dry!

307. - Ha ha! That was some game, wasn't it, Daisy!

308. - It was kind of fun, wasn't it.

309. But why does that guy wear a mask?

310. - Oh, that's the catcher.

311. - You know everything about this game, Pop.

312. - Daisy, you sure know how to make an old man feel good!

313. - This was not just the beginning for Casey and the Mudville Hogs,

314. it was the beginning of something much bigger:

315. modern baseball as we know it today.

316. Casey, while not knowing much about biology and trigonometry,

317. knew how to please a crowd.

318. And he was determined

319. to convert baseball from a poorer cousin

320. of badminton, croquet and tetherball

321. into the most popular sport America has ever known.

322. - We're here in the home ballpark of the Mudville Hogs,

323. who've suddenly come to life, as you all know,

324. sparked by a new hero, the name Casey Frank.

325. The Hogs about to take the field for another big ball game today.

326. With us, Casey Frank himself.

327. And the interesting thing about you, Casey, is:

328. you came to us a grassroots innocent.

329. The very country somehow embodied in your being

330. now, suddenly, and sport can produce this,

331. an overnight hero.

332. Will you lose that innocence?

333. - Well, Mr. Thayer,

334. I'll never lose my natural feeling toward the game

335. and I intend not to ever change.

336. I owe it to the country.

337. - Hey, Case! What does it feel like to...

338. hit a baseball?

339. - That's something Joe never experienced in his life. Tell him.

340. - Well, I'll tell you:

341. you feel it from the bottom of your toes to the tip of your fingers.

342. When that bat hits the ball,

343. it's like nothing else.

344. - At the same time, you've got to understand that in sport,

345. whether it's croquet, whether it's tetherball, whatever, badminton,

346. fame is fleeting, transitory, even as Keats described,

347. beauty as being transitory in "An Ode to a Nightingale".

348. Suddenly, you can lose it all, are you worried about that?

349. - Oh, no, sir, Mr. Thayer. I'm not worried about anything.

350. I think you got to make the most of what you are during the present time.

351. - Excuse me, Mr. Undercrawl. A telegram for you.

352. - It's from the Widow. She wants $20,000!

353. - Will there be anything else, sir?

354. - No...

355. Get out!

356. - Oh, Casey, please don't make me wear this.

357. - Look, George, you're not doing this for me, you're doing this for Mudville!

358. For baseball! Now put your ears one.

359. Okay, now, the nose...

360. Boy, do I feel like a jerk!

361. - Georgie, you look grand! Now get over to those stands and get that crowd going!

362. - Go, Mudville!

363. Give me an O! Give me an N!

364. Give me a K! What's that spell?

365. Onk!

366. - I... I...

367. - Give me an O! Give me an I!

368. Give me an N! Give me a K!

369. What's that spell? Oink!

370. - Go, Hogs!

371. Oink, oink, oink!

372. - Telegram, sir. - Give me that.

373. - Good news, I hope.

374. - Ah!

375. She wants $50,000!

376. - I, uh... guess you won't be needing me anymore, sir.

377. - Alright, now, what is this big idea, Casey?

378. - You know, I was thinking:

379. some folks don't like baseball because they say it's too darn slow.

380. So you know what we need to liven up the slow parts?

381. I'll give you a hint.

382. We all do it in church.

383. - In church, uh... bingo?

384. - No, music!

385. This is Vilma Harriet from the First Mercantile Church of Mudville.

386. She's been kind enough to bring the church organ over for our game today.

387. Now Vilma, let's say we got a big rally going,

388. what would you play to stir up the crowd?

389. Oh, gosh, that's beautiful and everything,

390. but do you know something a little jumpier, Vilma?

391. Charge!

392. That's more like it!

393. Charge!

394. Charge!

395. - Excuse me, sir. A, uh...

396. telegram for you.

397. I certainly hope it's pleasant news.

398. - She wants $100,000!

399. Don't move.

400. - But... but...

401. - Strike two!

402. - That was a ball! - That was a strike!

403. - Hold on, gents. Just hold on, now.

404. Will you please just hold on?

405. - Let me at him! - Charlie, can I borrow that for a minute?

406. - That's my lunch!

407. - Now look, would you just please hold on! Hold on, gents.

408. Not it seems to me that we're always fighting about balls and strikes.

409. That's because we never had anything to measure them by...

410. That's what we'll use this for.

411. - That's a great idea, Casey,

412. but what are we gonna call it?

413. - Casey! That plate belongs to my wife! I brought it from home!

414. - I've got it! We'll call it Charlie's wife plate!

415. - Fine! Play ball!

416. - Strike!

417. - What are we gonna do now, sir?

418. - Must I spoon feed you, you mindless tangerine?

419. Only one thing stands between me and this stadium: baseball.

420. Therefore, I must destroy baseball.

421. And how do I do that?

422. - Start night games? - No, you turnip!

423. By destroying its best player, Casey Frank.

424. If I destroy Casey, I destroy baseball,

425. and the stadium is mine!

426. - Pardon me for saying so, sir, aren't you jumping to a lot of conclusions?

427. - I have to, I'm a very busy man.

428. - Eight hits and I got 14 runs batted in it

429. and then in the field, I made no missed plays,

430. and they hit the ball so high, Barbara.

431. I had to get under it and it was up there

432. and I caught it before it bounced

433. and threw it to the fielder. - Casey!

434. - I'm worried. - Why?

435. - Because you never talk about anything anymore but baseball.

436. - Oh...

437. - Don't you ever think about me anymore?

438. - Of course I do, Barbara, all the time.

439. - You do? - Yes.

440. - Then prove it!

441. Let's have conversation about something other than baseball.

442. - Okay.

443. - Alright. Shall I commence?

444. - Yes, I think you should.

445. - Remember when we first met

446. and we sat outside on the veranda?

447. - Yeah.

448. I knew you were a home run right off the bat.

449. A grand slam, over the fence and into the stands.

450. - And you tried to kiss me.

451. - Oh my, well, I didn't know how to get to first base with you.

452. Every time I got up.

453. - I threw you a curve.

454. - I was afraid to strike out.

455. I didn't know how to score with you.

456. - That's all behind us now.

457. - Let's take a walk.

458. - An intentional walk.

459. - Excuse me, Casey Frank is here to see you, sir.

460. - Ah! Not a moment too soon.

461. Well, send him in, you spineless gutter-snipe!

462. - Mister Undercrawl's at the end of the table.

463. - Ha ha!

464. Mr. Frank!

465. What a pleasure this is for me.

466. I'm a great fan of yours.

467. Have a cigar.

468. - Well, any real fan of mine would know I don't smoke, drink, use cuss words

469. or snack between meals.

470. - A thousand pardons. No offence, Mr. Frank.

471. Step this way! Step this way.

472. Please, please, have a seat.

473. Seat you down, rest you.

474. I... I have a little business proposition to discuss with you.

475. You know, Mr. Frank, you...

476. You really make it look easy when you step up to the plate

477. and hit out all those home runs.

478. I'm afraid it's having a bad effect on the Mudville youth.

479. - A bad effect? - Hmm.

480. - How?

481. - Well, I'm afraid the little boys and girls

482. are going to come to believe

483. that good things in life come easily.

484. Too easily, if you catch my drift?

485. This could lead to degradation, crime in the streets.

486. Sloppy dressing...

487. - Gosh, what can I do to help?

488. - Start striking out.

489. - What?

490. - Hmm! Start throwing all your games.

491. It's the only moral thing you can do.

492. - You must think I was born yesterday.

493. - Not a bit. I mean...

494. You're not even spitting up.

495. - You got something up your sleeve, mister,

496. and I don't mean your armpits.

497. Well, I ain't buying.

498. - Hold on, wait a minute!

499. Alright, how about this?

500. One hundred dollars for every time you strike out.

501. How's that? - You must be mad.

502. It'll be a sad day in America

503. when a baseball player can be swayed by money.

504. So, Casey Frank can't be bought.

505. Who cares?

506. So, he says he has no vice. So what!

507. There is one thing he cannot resist.

508. - What's that, Mr. Undercrawl?

509. - Circe La Femme.

510. The greatest vamp on the European continent.

511. I found her in the French army.

512. - What was she doing in the French army?

513. - Dating it.

514. Bonjour, Monsieur Frank.

515. - Are you talking to me, ma'am?

516. - Oui, oui.

517. I am... Nora Brown.

518. How you say?

519. The Reporter.

520. I have come to do the interview with you.

521. - A reporter? Wow.

522. Gosh, what for?

523. - Ooh... Boys' life. Oh!

524. The Official Magazine for the Boys Scouts of America.

525. - The Scouts?

526. Well, I'd be privileged to do an interview for the Scout's sake.

527. What would you like to know, ma'am?

528. - Ooh... hmm...

529. What's that?

530. - Oh, that's my bat.

531. - Ooh!

532. - Of course, bat... batting tips.

533. Monsieur Frank...

534. Could you take me to the locker?

535. - Glad to oblige, ma'am.

536. - Ooh...

537. Ooh! Monsieur Frank.

538. You have such large hands!

539. - Oh...

540. they're...

541. normal.

542. I use them to get a firm grip on my bat.

543. - Oh, of course...!

544. - This is just not like Casey, Daddy.

545. He's half an hour late for dinner.

546. - He's not exactly a prodigy, Barbara.

547. Maybe he forgot what the house looked like.

548. - Uh-oh!

549. It's a message. Maybe it's from Casey!

550. - I didn't know he could write.

551. - "Dear Miss Dent,

552. if you are concerned about Casey,

553. you must come to the Mudville stadium right away.

554. Signed, a concerned friend."

555. Something terrible must have happened to Casey, let's go.

556. - Can't it wait till after dinner?

557. Daddy!

558. - Oh, Monsieur Frank!

559. I'm such a silly little weakling.

560. - Now put both hands around— - Could you help me, please?

561. - Certainly. Now hold on to that, but not too tight.

562. - Casey.

563. - Barbara! Hi!

564. I can explain everything.

565. - Where's the rest of her dress?

566. - Oh, this young lady's a reporter for the Boys' Scouts.

567. - Casey, why don't you just tell them, my petit Moulin Rouge,

568. that we are madly and passionately in love.

569. - Come on, Daddy, let's go!

570. I have to pick up an application for a convent

571. that is still accepting people for the Fall session!

572. - Barbara, wait!

573. That fateful, highly improbable set of circumstances

574. marked the beginning of a long downward spiral for Mighty Casey.

575. Heartbroken over losing his precious Barbara,

576. he drowned in sorrows,

577. doing the one thing he pledged he would never do:

578. snack between meals.

579. - Sandwiches!

580. Bagel, hot sausage.

581. Hot sausage.

582. You want a hot sausage?

583. - Sure, why not. - Here you go.

584. - Whoa, whoa, that's hot, it'll burn my hands.

585. - You know, come to think of it,

586. a lot of my customers have been complaining about the same thing.

587. - I got a good idea, do you have a piece of bread?

588. - Bread? Yeah, sure.

589. - Put it in there.

590. - Put it in... that in there? - Mm-hmm.

591. Hmm...

592. That's good.

593. Food is good.

594. It's loyal.

595. It stays with you.

596. Give me another one.

597. - Another one?

598. - Regrettably, like so many others who have been unlucky in love,

599. Casey compensated for his loss by stuffing his face with hot dogs.

600. In no time at all,

601. the once trim Casey turned into an unsightly blimp,

602. a barn, a dead ringer for a pregnant Arctic walrus.

603. Soon, he came to the food stand even while the game was in progress.

604. - Boy, I gotta get a new belt.

605. This one's killing me.

606. Slap me a sausage, buddy.

607. - Casey, shouldn't you be on first base?

608. - I can't play on an empty stomach.

609. Can I have a lot of mustard, please? - Sure.

610. - Hey, hey! Do you think you can move your food stand into the stadium?

611. - Are you kidding?

612. You think people wanna eat these things in the middle of a baseball game?

613. - Whatever they don't buy, I'll eat.

614. - Oh yeah?

615. Casey! Casey!

616. - Coming, coming!

617. - Casey! Casey!

618. - That does it.

619. Casey's letting these folks down.

620. They're baseball fans, not whale watchers.

621. - Boo! - Come on, Casey!

622. - Pop is here.

623. Get your grilled, Pop is here. Here you go, sir.

624. You're gonna love that. Little mustard? Ketchup on that?

625. What do you like?

626. - Looks like an inside the park home run!

627. - So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat.

628. It was clear to one and all,

629. that Casey's getting pretty fat.

630. - He's gotta do something about that

631. before he turns into a walking Octoberfest.

632. - You pig!

633. - You're not telling me anything that I don't know, Pop.

634. I know that Casey has turned into a cow,

635. a house, one big blubbery globe of a man,

636. but what can I do, he hurt me.

637. - Barbara, let me tell you a story.

638. Years ago, when I was in high school,

639. I asked a girl named Daisy Mont to the prom.

640. Well, she said yes,

641. but then at the last minute,

642. she stood me up for the captain of the badminton team, Alf Bleacher.

643. - You mean the widow Bleacher?

644. - You got it, sweetie.

645. - All these years, I've been hurting inside,

646. carrying the torch for her.

647. After Alf died, Daisy kinda shut herself away

648. and started knitting this big sock,

649. but then a few weeks ago, I discovered something

650. that could bring her out into the world.

651. Maybe even bring us together again,

652. but Barbara,

653. if we lose Casey now,

654. I'm afraid baseball's just gonna go belly up.

655. And we can't let that happen.

656. - Daisy hurt you and you forgave her.

657. - I think you got my drift.

658. Will you help me?

659. - Yes! Yes, I will. I'll help you, Pop,

660. but let's get down to the stadium right away,

661. before Casey starts grazing on the infield.

662. - As soon as I have my tea.

663. Pop!

664. Mustard, empanadas

665. and coleslaw and ham.

666. Lamb chops with cranberry sauce.

667. And potatoes with coleslaw.

668. And knackwurst with cheese.

669. And pudding and cake

670. and frankfurters with beans

671. and candies with lollipops.

672. - Pop, look! - Uh-oh...

673. Looks like a severe case of pork shock.

674. He's overdosed on grilled puppies.

675. - Oh, Casey, I love you. I love you, Casey.

676. - Can you pass the mustard, please.

677. - Oh, Casey, I'm back. I'm back!

678. - Oh, Barbara! Do you have any pudding?

679. - No, but I wish I did.

680. - Will you cut the mush, you two love dogs.

681. We've got to get old tubbo here on the road to recovery.

682. - I might need some... peanuts.

683. - Come on, Casey, try!

684. We got him!

685. Okay, walk with us.

686. - You must have put on 328 pounds of cake!

687. - With Barbara's love and Pop's faith,

688. Casey's discipline soared.

689. He was able to push the food away.

690. Slim the pounds down to a precious few.

691. With Barbara back in the stands

692. life was a grand slam again.

693. - And?

694. The widow has named her final price on the stadium.

695. One million dollars.

696. Now, I intend to get it!

697. I don't play to lose.

698. - Sir, how are you gonna raise that kind of money?

699. - Simple, bonehead.

700. I'm going to place a huge bet with my bookie McMickey

701. come the championship game.

702. I am wagering my entire empire

703. on the Boston Bean Eaters.

704. - But sir, the Hogs will beat the Boston Bean Eaters,

705. 'cause Casey—

706. - I have considered our friend Casey Frank.

707. This is why I have put a detective on his trail.

708. I found out something very interesting.

709. It seems...

710. that Casey Frank meets Pop Gumm before every game.

711. Gumm gives him some kind of potion in a small brown bottle.

712. Then, Casey puts the potion on his bat

713. while he's on deck.

714. It is my belief

715. that without Pop Gumm and his potion,

716. Mighty Casey will strike out.

717. - The day of the big championship game arrived.

718. Fans from miles around poured into Mudville

719. despite warnings that there wasn't really a clean restaurant in town.

720. They didn't care about that.

721. All they cared about was...

722. baseball!

723. - Pop! Excuse me just for a sec.

724. Mr. Undercrawl has this theory. I don't quite agree with him.

725. It has to do with mud wrestling.

726. It's a particularly interesting...

727. - Marty, we're going to have to delay the start of the game.

728. - Have you flipped your wit, Casey?

729. I mean, this crowd is already out of control.

730. - We can't start without Pop Gumm!

731. - Lighten up, I know Pop Gumm is your pal,

732. but he doesn't have to be here.

733. - Oh yes, he does.

734. - What is it, he has some kind of magic potion

735. he rubs on your bat and you hit a home run?

736. - No! No, nothing like that.

737. Look, Marty, let me talk to the organist. Maybe I can buy some time.

738. Vilma!

739. We've got to delay the start of the game.

740. Do you know something that can calm these people down?

741. - Mudville will lose the game.

742. The stadium will be ours.

743. And baseball will be destroyed.

744. - You'll never get away with this, Smiley.

745. - Ha! They said I wouldn't graduate from law school either.

746. Well, the game's about to begin

747. and I don't want to miss a single action-packed moment

748. of the last baseball game in history.

749. Have a nice day.

750. - Oh, Slider, boy! Am I glad to see you!

751. Go find Casey and tell him I'm here.

752. Yes, yes, I'll play catch with you later.

753. Now, go!

754. - Casey, we can't delay the game any longer.

755. We've played that song 30 times already.

756. The people are starting to make up their own lyrics.

757. - Marty, we can't start without—

758. Slider!

759. Slider!

760. Where's Pop?

761. What? Pop's tied up in the woods?

762. And Boss Undercrawl's gonna try to buy out the stadium?

763. Good boy.

764. - Good vocabulary.

765. - I'll be right back, Marty.

766. He smashed the bottle? - Don't worry, Casey.

767. I've got a fresh bottle at home.

768. - Pop, I'm really worried about this game.

769. So much is riding on it. - Will you relax, Casey?

770. - What if we lose? - It ain't the end of the world.

771. - People are gonna lose their jobs.

772. - Some people will— - The stadium will leveled.

773. - The stadium will be leveled— - Baseball will cease to exist!

774. - If baseball will cease to exist, we better win.

775. - We better win. Pop, I'm gonna hit the ball so hard,

776. I'm gonna hit it out of sight over the fence.

777. Casey! Casey!

778. - Well, I guess I don't have a choice.

779. Casey or no Casey, we've gotta start the game.

780. - You nimrod!

781. I thought you said you got rid of Pop Gumm and the bottle!

782. - I did.

783. - But Casey's got that potion to Mudville

784. and now he's bound to win.

785. Hurry, call McMickey! Tell him I'm changing my bet.

786. I'm betting my entire empire on the Mudville Hogs.

787. - Did anybody see a brown bottle?

788. A small, a little small brown bottle

789. with a cork in it?

790. - Well, tonight, Mudville's behind 4-2.

791. - But with one inning left to play.

792. And then, when Cooney died at first and Barrows did the same,

793. a sickly silence fell

794. upon the patrons of the game.

795. - Yeah, yeah, well it didn't look like we'd see Casey Frank this inning.

796. - For Flynn preceded Casey as did Jimmy Blake.

797. The former was a lulu,

798. the latter was a cake.

799. Flynn let drive a single

800. to the wonderment of all.

801. Blake, much despised,

802. tore the cover off the ball

803. and when the dust had lifted an the men saw what had occurred

804. there was Jimmy safe at second

805. and Flynn a-hugging third.

806. - Alright, Casey, you're up!

807. - Uh...

808. Did anybody see a... a brown bottle?

809. Did anybody see that?

810. - Yeah, I hope you don't mind, Casey,

811. but I sorta drank it.

812. - You what?

813. Georgie! Didn't you know what was in that bottle?

814. - Well, it tasted a lot like beer,

815. but it was less filling.

816. - Casey, you're up!

817. Casey, Casey!

818. - And Casey, Mighty Casey,

819. is advancing to the plate.

820. Casey!

821. - Strike one!

822. - Kill the umpire!

823. - Daisy, calm down.

824. - I own the stadium. I can act like a baby if I want to!

825. - Strike two!

826. - Not my style.

827. - The sneer is gone from Casey's lip.

828. His teeth are clenched in hate.

829. He pounds with cruel violence.

830. His back upon the plate

831. and now, the pitcher holds the ball

832. and now, he lets it go!

833. And now, the air is shattered by the force

834. of Casey's blow.

835. - I'm ruined...

836. My entire empire is lost!

837. - Oh, somewhere in this favoured land,

838. the sun is shining bright.

839. The band is playing somewhere

840. and somewhere hearts are light.

841. And somewhere men are laughing

842. and somewhere, children shout.

843. But there is no joy in Mudville.

844. Mighty Casey has struck out.

845. - You don't understand!

846. Boss Undercrawl wanted to put you all out of work!

847. And he wanted to destroy the stadium,

848. but first, he needed Casey to hit a home run,

849. so he'd win a big bet!

850. Mudville lost, but baseball won!

851. Thanks to Casey!

852. Casey! Casey!

853. - Who's a little hydrant? - I am.

854. - Who's a mindless tangerine? - I am.

855. - And who's broke? - We are.

856. - And whose fault is it? - Mine.

857. - You little nimrod! You little bonehead.

858. You subverbal crouton.

859. You glutinous little bonehead ding dong

860. and whose fault is it? - Mine.

861. - That's right, it's your fault!

862. - So you see, Casey,

863. there was nothing magical in that bottle at all,

864. but it gave you confidence

865. and confidence is the only magic you need

866. to hit the ball out of the park.

867. Without it, you strike out.

868. - You mean all this time,

869. he's been putting beer on his bat?

870. - Well, it wasn't just an ordinary beer,

871. it's a brand-new kind I've been brewing,

872. it's got a lot less calories than normal beer.

873. You suppose people will ever wanna buy something like that?

874. - And so, thanks to Casey Frank,

875. modern baseball and all its traditions live on until this day.

876. Well, the rain has stopped out there.

877. Let's play ball! - Huh?

878. Swing and a miss!

879. - Gee, I wonder why they never have to cut the grass.

880. difuze