Tales from the Crypt 4x14

Directed by Elliot Silverstein

Madge Sinclair as Lucille • Margot Kidder as Cynthia • Kevin McCarthy as Jack • J.A. Preston as Harry • Marshall R. Teague as Frank

A man asks his friend to keep a youth potion away from his wife. When she suspects that they are trying to kill her, she kills them first and drinks the potion which she had switched. But she soon regrets it.

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1. Ah ha ha ha!

2. Geronimo!

3. So glad you could drop in kill seekers.

4. Don't worry about me

5. it only hurt when I laugh. Ha ha ha ha ha!

6. Boy that was good!

7. It's even better than hang gliding.

8. Some folks would rather keep their feet onterrorfirma,

9. like the people in tonight's putrid piece.

10. They're spending a nice quiet weekend

11. in the woods goinghackto nature.

12. Ha ha ha!

13. I call this fetid fable curiosity killed.

14. You're trying to kill me.

15. Here we go again, another bitch fit.

16. Look at this—

17. rutabaga, bok-choi, daikon, tofu,

18. celery juice!

19. Celery juice!

20. This isn't food.

21. It's a compost heap.

22. That's the best health food Harry and I could find.

23. Madam, behave yourself,

24. and you'll be surprised.

25. This wasn't a planned weekend on the town,

26. and you knew it.

27. No, I didn't know that.

28. You're getting off on your emotional skyrocket.

29. You are being abusive.

30. You get me up here,

31. a hundred miles from civilization—

32. and I told you that's what it would be—

33. Control yourself.

34. You control yourself.

35. This is what we got. This is what you'll eat.

36. I want real food in a real restaurant, and I—

37. there isn't a real restaurant

38. within a three-hour drive.

39. I'm in a damn swamp

40. with no food but my liver.

41. Don't bite on that. It's full of bile.

42. Cynthia, I'm warning you.

43. You pull yourself together, or I swear I'll—

44. you'll what, huh? Aah!

45. Oh, these damn bugs.

46. Oh, I never ever in my entire life

47. wanted to go camping.

48. I'm an indoors girl.

49. But no.

50. Your friend Harry wanted to go camping, so we—

51. Harry eats maggot biotic garbage,

52. so we have to starve.

53. You're making a spectacle of yourself.

54. You've got me out here camping.

55. I'm starving, and I hate it.

56. Give me the credit cards and the key.

57. You're not going anywhere.

58. They're my credit cards, too.

59. Aah! Stupid dog.

60. I should have had you both put down.

61. If I have to drive myself, I'm going home.

62. No, you won't.

63. Yes, I will!

64. You will not!

65. You've had enough civilization!

66. Aah!

67. I can't watch that anymore.

68. The moon's soon full.

69. It will be time.

70. I fear what will happen

71. if these people keep fighting.

72. They've knocked each other about for 45 years.

73. He's married to a crocodile.

74. Does she remind you of Emma?

75. Emma wasn't that bad.

76. And never will be again.

77. You never should have invited them.

78. Jack saved my life.

79. If he hadn't dragged me through a firefight,

80. I'd be under guadalcanal.

81. I've always wanted to repay him.

82. Now I finally can.

83. No, no, no good at all.

84. You know what?

85. As soon as we get back...

86. I hope you're home

87. when the bills come

88. because I want to see your face—

89. wouldn't it be better

90. if we allowed ourselves

91. to succumb to the beauty

92. of this peaceful place?

93. What?

94. I can smell Jasmine.

95. In the island where my family live,

96. we had a grove like this,

97. where we'd sit on the stumps of trees

98. and listen to the sound of silence.

99. I could do with silence.

100. Let it begin with you.

101. Diglycerides.

102. Diglycerides? What the hell are those?

103. It might be partly genetic,

104. in which case it's not entirely your fault.

105. You could use more yellow vegetables

106. in your diet.

107. More maggot biotic stuff?

108. Lucille.

109. Please stop stirring that stuff.

110. It's making me quite sick.

111. This is a very special mixture of herbs.

112. It will do wonderful things.

113. Name one.

114. It's a natural insecticide.

115. It repels without killing.

116. Works very well, I can see.

117. Harry, sorry about the disturbance.

118. What are you apologizing to him for?

119. He should be apologizing to us.

120. He should apologize to me.

121. Cynthia, please!

122. Keep on like this, you'll kill me.

123. To kill you, I wouldn't use words.

124. I'd do it little by little.

125. First I'd cut off your dick.

126. What the hell. You haven't used the thing in 20 years.

127. No.

128. No, I haven't,

129. have I?

130. Sometimes that man just gets the best of me.

131. Don't do it, Jack. Don't do it.

132. She's driving me crazy.

133. I can't take much more.

134. But if you want to be part of this,

135. you can't drink.

136. One drop of this, and everything goes the wrong way.

137. I tried. I tried so damn hard, Harry.

138. I can't take any more.

139. When Emma was this way, I almost dropped her.

140. That's a hell of an idea.

141. Cynthia and her lawyers

142. would be in me for the rest of my life.

143. What will you do?

144. What did you do?

145. One night when we were camping

146. not far from here,

147. she wandered off from the campsite.

148. We searched for days.

149. Mm-hmm.

150. Never found her.

151. Whatever you want to do tonight,

152. I'm behind you.

153. I just heard something very strange.

154. It's a beautiful night.

155. The moon will be very clear tonight.

156. And that is good.

157. How deep do we have to dig?

158. Not very.

159. I can hardly believe myself.

160. I am a man who's lived a long life,

161. a realistic businessman

162. who thinks he's seen it all,

163. and I'm on my knees at night in a swamp.

164. And I'm on my knees at night in a swamp.

165. Digging for oak.

166. It's called pay dirt my friend.

167. I gave that man my youth and my beauty,

168. and now I've got nothing to show for it.

169. Well...

170. If the man makes the living,

171. the woman should make the life,

172. worth living.

173. You have no right to judge me lucille.

174. You've only known us six months.

175. My God, it's damp, isn't it?

176. Yea, it had to be.

177. You know lucille knows things I haven't even guess at.

178. I'm looking forward skin smooth and firm.

179. Do you remember what that's like, Jack?

180. Oh, you don't forget that stuff.

181. It had to be.

182. We're there.

183. It sounds kind of solid for bulbs.

184. My God.

185. Jack, meet Emma.

186. This began with a 6-inch blade.

187. You are a murderer?

188. You got two choices.

189. See this through, or walk out now.

190. I can't let you walk out. You're entitled.

191. You're right.

192. What have I got to lose.

193. Lucille said these bulbs are planted in Emma's mouth.

194. They need lots of moon light.

195. Would you get that stump?

196. Move back. Lucille says this happens fast.

197. Emma.

198. Look at that moon.

199. They're going to kill us!

200. Harry killed his first wife,

201. and he buried her out there.

202. They are both crazy.

203. Yes. Moon madness.

204. Are you listening? They're going to kill us.

205. I saw what you did out there.

206. Harry, you murderer.

207. Jack...

208. What have you gotten us into?

209. You ghoul.

210. ♪♪ Ghoulie ghoulie, ghoulie ghoulie ♪♪

211. ♪♪ ghoulie ghoulie ♪♪

212. ♪ ♪♪ ghoulie ghoul ♪♪♪

213. I believed you then.

214. I believe you now.

215. What are they talking about?

216. What is this flower?

217. Jukarunda,

218. the beautiful flower of love and life.

219. If ever it was important

220. for you to listen to me, now is the time.

221. Something incredible is about to happen.

222. Have you gone crazy?

223. Every things to inside out and backwards.

224. ♪♪ Diddle di di diddle di di ♪♪

225. ♪♪ diddle di diddle di diddle di di ♪♪♪♪

226. After you, jaws.

227. Not on your life.

228. Have it your way.

229. Ha ha ha!

230. Oh.

231. Oh, everyone's just gone crazy.

232. Ohh!

233. Lucille! Lucille!

234. Lucille!

235. What have you done to her?

236. I haven't done anything.

237. Is she giving us a problem?

238. I thought you handled it.

239. Get your murderous hands off me.

240. No!

241. Open this door, you hag!

242. Open the door!

243. Oh, no!

244. ♪♪ Ghoulie ghoulie, ghoulie ghoulie ♪♪

245. ♪♪ ghoulie ghoulie ♪♪

246. ♪♪ ghoulie ghoul ♪♪♪♪

247. Ha ha ha!

248. For the second dose.

249. Thank you.

250. Harry, you look beautiful.

251. Kiss me.

252. As soon as you kiss Emma.

253. Aah!

254. What's that?

255. Just an old lady lost in the woods.

256. What do you mean old?

257. What happened?

258. I'm happy.

259. Now we can tell you why we're here.

260. Lucille has a secret.

261. My father left me bulbs

262. that he brought from the islands.

263. They have special powers.

264. I planted them in Emma three months ago.

265. We needed fertilizer.

266. That was the only way.

267. That's why the flowers grew so quickly...

268. By the moonlight,

269. one flower for each of us.

270. Lucille drank the sap.

271. Your skin is so smooth.

272. It's the fountain of youth.

273. Oh, no, it can't be. That's not possible.

274. It's not possible.

275. That's why it's so wonderful.

276. Oh!

277. And I thought

278. Harry was trying to kill you.

279. You heard lucille taking one dose.

280. Needs two to work. Burns going down.

281. I promise you, the second dose will be easier.

282. The insecticide.

283. ♪♪ Ghoulie ghoulie, ghoulie ghoulie ♪♪

284. Ha ha ha!

285. What do you think

286. of the maggot biotic garbage now?

287. Ha ha ha!

288. Harry, Jack, you look incredible.

289. Oh!

290. Now we can be young and happy again.

291. When we married 45 years ago,

292. you were beautiful and sweet.

293. I've looked forward to those days again, Cynthia.

294. Oh, so do I, Jack.

295. I would like a second chance.

296. I'm sure you would,

297. but I've done my time with you.

298. 45 years of hard labor.

299. I won't do that time again.

300. What are you doing?

301. I am—

302. you son of a...

303. I'm looking forward

304. to watching you wither, old crone.

305. You can't stop me.

306. I know where the rest of it is.

307. Should we let her drink it?

308. Without the jukarunda juice,

309. she'll just get sick to her stomach.

310. Those beautiful flowers.

311. Oh, will you hold this for me, please?

312. This is for you.

313. Ha ha ha!

314. And this is for you.

315. Yes, now...

316. Yes, now...

317. Ooh!

318. Ooh!

319. Here's a toast to the future.

320. For all the base lies that we've been told,

321. when there's love in our hearts,

322. we can never grow old.

323. Hear, hear.

324. How does it feel?

325. Ha ha ha!

326. Ha ha ha!

327. Ow!

328. Aah!

329. I thought I'd improve the recipe.

330. I put in a little vodka.

331. No. You shouldn't do that.

332. Oh, but I did.

333. But only after saving

334. some of the pure stuff for myself.

335. Lucille!

336. Aah!

337. You miserable bastard!

338. I hope it hurts

339. worse than it looks!

340. You know the virgining I'm going to do.

341. I'm going to find myself a real man.

342. A young one with balls,

343. and money.

344. Bitch!

345. Lucille.

346. Oh! Oh!

347. Ah! Oh!

348. Aah!

349. Oh. Oh.

350. Ha ha!

351. Aah! Aah!

352. Aah! Aah!

353. I'm telling you the campsite is here somewhere.

354. I don't care where the campsite is.

355. I don't care if we're lost why don't we pitch the tent?

356. Because the campsite I'm looking for is really special.

357. You won't believe the view at sunrise.

358. Jesus Christ.

359. Look at the size of that rv.

360. If you get that, you might as well stay home.

361. Shh. They're probably sleeping.

362. Oh, what a cute dog.

363. Hi, little fellow.

364. That's an awful big bone

365. for somebody so little.

366. That Cynthia's a realshriekingviolet,

367. wouldn't you say, kiddies?

368. A regularafterlife of the party.

369. Ha ha ha!

370. Didn't know I was a bore scout, did you?

371. Well, I am.

372. My horroriculture scare it badge

373. requires me to plant crockcasses.

374. Hmm. A shame really.

375. I much rather plant diebreeds.

376. Ha ha ha ha ha!

377. Captioning made possible by Warner bros.

378. Captioned by the national captioning institute —www.Ncicap.Org—

379. public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute