Tales from the Crypt 4x1

Directed by Tom Hanks

Sugar Ray Leonard as Gravedigger • Treat Williams as Howard Prince • Frances Sternhagen as Effie Gluckman • Tom Hanks as Baxter • Henry Gibson as Stanhope

A sneaky man is obsessed with wedding rich older women then killing them. His business partner fears that he'll be caught soon. He finds himself in hot water when he starts getting threatening notes. He kills off those he suspects and soon he realizes the meaning of the saying revenge is sweet.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. AH HA HA HA HA HA!

2. DAMN YOU MARCEL!

3. I TOLD YOU THEY WANTED VIOLENCE!

4. NOT VIOLINS.

5. GOOD HELP IS SO HARD TO FEND.

6. ISN'T IT, KIDDIES?

7. MORE CHAM-PAIN!

8. HA HA HA HA HA!

9. I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY FOR TONIGHT'S MURDEROUS MENU.

10. WHO'S DISCOVERED

11. TO A WOMAN'S HEART

12. IS WITH A PICKAX!

13. HORROR D'OEUVRE

14. NONE BUT THE LONELY HEART.

15. IS MADAM READY FOR DINNER?

16. OH.

17. HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY.

18. HERE YOU GO.

19. A QUIET LITTLE DINNER FOR TWO.

20. AND...

21. VOILA!

22. HOWARD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

23. IT'S JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING

24. I THREW TOGETHER.

25. AND TO GO WITH IT,

26. I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE THIS BOTTLE

27. OF THE 1966 CHATEAU LAFITE-ROTHSCHILD.

28. FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

29. WELL, WE'RE HAVING DINNER TOGETHER.

30. THAT'S SPECIAL ENOUGH FOR ME.

31. TO YOU, MY DARLING.

32. THANK YOU.

33. MMM...

34. MMM... THAT'S QUITE GOOD.

35. THERE'S A COMPLEXITY

36. THAT ONLY COMES WITH AGE.

37. THAT'S TOUCHED IT...

38. THE GRAPES, THE SOIL,

39. THE OAK IN WHICH IT FERMENTED,

40. AND IN THE END,

41. YOUR LIPS.

42. OH, HOWARD, YOU DO KNOW MY HEART.

43. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND

44. BUSINESS, DARLING,

45. BUT I THINK IT'S RATHER IMPORTANT.

46. THERE'S A SMALL COMPANY

47. I WANT TO INVEST IN,

48. BUT WE HAVE TO ACT QUICKLY.

49. I TOLD YOU, WHATEVER YOU THINK.

50. I WON'T DO IT THAT WAY.

51. THIS IS YOUR MONEY.

52. I'M MERELY MANAGING IT FOR YOU.

53. WHERE DO I SIGN?

54. YOU SIGN HERE. THAT'S RIGHT.

55. AND HERE.

56. AND NOW...

57. DO SOMETHING FOR ME.

58. OH HO HO HO!

59. OH, NO, NO, NO. YOU KNOW.

60. AH.

61. ALL OF IT

62. OR JUST YOUR FAVORITE PART?

63. YET, AT MY BACK I ALWAYS HEAR

64. TIME'S WINGED CHARIOT HURRYING NEAR.

65. THE GRAVE'S A FINE AND PRIVATE PLACE,

66. YET NONE, I THINK, DO THERE EMBRACE.

67. NOW THEREFORE, WHILE VELVET HUE

68. LIKE MORNING DEW,

69. SOUL TRANSPIRES...

70. A GREAT BOTTLE OF WINE.

71. YES! YES! I NEED AN AMBULANCE!

72. RIGHT AWAY!

73. IT'S MY WIFE...

74. I THINK SHE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!

75. ASHES TO ASHES,

76. DUST TO DUST,

77. UNTO ETERNAL LIFE.

78. AMEN.

79. AMEN.

80. SLEEP WELL, MY BEAUTIFUL ROSE.

81. I'M VERY SORRY.

82. THANK YOU.

83. MONTHS SPECIAL, HOWARD.

84. YOU REALLY DID.

85. THANK YOU, ADRIAN, I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

86. SHE LOVED YOU, HOWARD.

87. OH, HOW SHE LOVED YOU.

88. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING...

89. CALL ME, OKAY.

90. AND SHE GAVE IT ALL BACK.

91. YOU DOING HERE, MORTY?

92. I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, HOWARD, YOU'RE GOOD.

93. COMPLETELY FOOLED.

94. AS A MATTER OF FACT, I WAS VERY FOND OF MATILDA.

95. SHE WAS A WONDERFUL WOMAN.

96. SO WAS ELIZABETH,

97. SO WAS CLARE, FOR THAT MATTER.

98. SHAME THEY HAD TO BE KILLED.

99. THAT WAS BUSINESS, MORTY.

100. THE MONEY AND RUN.

101. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN CRUEL.

102. I DO THESE LADIES A FAVOR...

103. I MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED.

104. PARTNER, I HAVE BAD NEWS.

105. BUCKS OF OUR ASSETS.

106. GOD DAMN IT!

107. HEY, TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

108. HOWARD AND MORTY, INC.

109. BEFORE THE GRAND JURY.

110. I CALLED THE AIRLINES...

111. WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE WE ARE NOT READY.

112. WHAT, NOT READY? WE GOT 5 MILLION BUCKS.

113. MORE OR LESS.

114. AROUND WEATHER.

115. AND NO EXTRADITION TREATY.

116. THERE'S THIS ISLAND I KNOW CALLED...

117. ESCUNSION.

118. ESCUNSEUN?

119. MORTY, THE WHOLE PLAN WAS TO SET OURSELVES UP FOR LIFE.

120. IN THIS ECONOMY, $2 MILLION WON'T DO THAT.

121. WE'RE IN DANGER, IN 11 DAYS, WE FACE A GRAND JURY.

122. WHEN THEY UNCOVER OUR SCHEME...

123. GIVE ME 10 DAYS.

124. ONE MORE OLD LADY.

125. 10 DAYS?

126. YEAH.

127. THEY'RE GOING TO NAIL YOUR ASS, PAL,

128. AND I'D LIKE TO BE AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.

129. TRUST ME. YOU WON'T REGRET IT.

130. YEAH, RIGHT.

131. PRO WRESTLING AND BOWLING.

132. I STILL BOWL.

133. IT'S VERY GOOD EXERCISE.

134. AND I LIKE THE NOISE.

135. MY NAME IS EPHIE GLUCKMAN.

136. I'M 67 YEARS OLD,

137. AND I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A SUITOR.

138. I WAS MARRIED 38 YEARS TO A WONDERFUL MAN.

139. I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYONE

140. THEODORE, SO...

141. THEODORE. THEODORE. BIG TEDDY GLUCKMAN.

142. GLUCKMAN.

143. WOW. TWO PAGES. IMPRESSIVE.

144. TEDDY WAS BUSY.

145. FROM THE START.

146. WHAT I WANT IS A COMPANION.

147. CHECK OUT THE GEMS. CHECK OUT THE GEMS.

148. ARE THEY REAL?

149. ARE THEY REAL? IT'S REAL.

150. YES. OH, YES.

151. YEAH! 30 GRAND, AT LEAST.

152. A FRIEND, REALLY,

153. SOMEONE TO SHARE THINGS WITH.

154. I MEAN, HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE SEE PARIS ALONE?

155. I MEAN, HOW MANY TIMES CAN ONE SEE PARIS ALONE?

156. AH, ANY LUCK, MR. PRINCE?

157. 3245. EPHIE GLUCKMAN.

158. 3245. EPHIE GLUCKMAN.

159. OH, YES. ANOTHER MATURE WOMAN.

160. SOMETHING SPECIAL,

161. DON'T THEY?

162. WELL, I HOPE IT WORKS OUT

163. FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.

164. I'M SURE IT WILL.

165. THERE'D BEEN SOME ERROR.

166. HE INSISTED ON SEEING YOU.

167. SHALL I SHOW HIM OUT?

168. IN A MINUTE, STANHOPE.

169. MR. PRINCE.

170. NOTHING PERSONAL, MR. PRINCE,

171. BUT TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,

172. I HAD IN MIND SOMEONE OLDER.

173. WANT WITH...

174. AN OLDER WOMAN, ASIDE FROM THE MONEY?

175. THAT IS WHAT YOU MEAN, ISN'T IT?

176. THE THOUGHT HAD CROSSED MY MIND.

177. I'M GOING TO BE VERY HONEST.

178. I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY.

179. I COULD SHOW YOU A BANKBOOK,

180. SOMEWHAT TASTELESS.

181. AS FOR LADIES MY AGE,

182. IS WASTED ON ME.

183. YOU SEE, WOMEN LIKE THAT

184. THAT I'M UNABLE TO FULFILL.

185. STANHOPE, THANK YOU.

186. I'LL BE NEARBY

187. IF YOU NEED ME, MADAM.

188. MR. PRINCE,

189. ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU'RE...

190. WOMAN IS COMPANIONSHIP,

191. BECAUSE AFTER ALL,

192. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE PARIS ALONE.

193. IN THAT WAY.

194. TROUBLE IS HOWARD?

195. YOU'VE SPENT YOUR WHOLE LIFE

196. WRONG KIND OF WOMAN.

197. AND THAT'S WHAT I SAW IN YOU, EPHIE.

198. NOT JUST A WOMAN, BUT A KIND OF... GODDESS.

199. EPHIE, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

200. HAD YOUR... CONDITION

201. WHEN HE MET ME.

202. HE WAS IMPOTENT, TOO?

203. HE WAS HANDSOME AND WEALTHY,

204. BUT WOUNDED IN THAT WAY.

205. YOU REMIND ME OF HIM,

206. MUCH MORE PASSIONATE,

207. MORE ALIVE.

208. WELL, OF COURSE, YOU ARE.

209. I'D FEEL THIS WAY

210. ABOUT ANOTHER MAN, BUT...

211. OH, LOOK AT THE TIME.

212. FROM A THOUSAND THINGS.

213. TALKING TO ME, EPHIE.

214. HOWARD, WHY DON'T YOU STAY FOR DINNER?

215. I REALLY COULDN'T.

216. NO, NO. PLEASE. PLEASE, I INSIST.

217. STANHOPE...

218. TO THE DOOR, MADAM?

219. SET TWO PLACES FOR DINNER.

220. BUT THERE'S NOT ENOUGH LAMB.

221. WHAT?

222. NOT ENOUGH LAMB.

223. MAKE EXTRA RICE, AND USE THE GOOD CHINA.

224. NOT THE GOOD SILVER AS WELL.

225. I WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.

226. PUT THIS IN A VASE.

227. THEODORE'S PASSION.

228. HE SPENT SIX YEARS ON THAT ONE.

229. IN FACT, HE DIED RIGHT AT THAT TABLE.

230. EXACTLY AS HE LEFT IT.

231. I'VE ALWAYS FOUND JIGSAW PUZZLES

232. WASTE OF TIME.

233. ME, TOO.

234. HOWARD, I'VE KNOWN

235. WHO DIDN'T HAVE HALF YOUR WORLDLINESS.

236. I CAN HELP YOU.

237. EPHIE.

238. I CAN REMEDY YOUR CONDITION.

239. REALLY, WE SHOULDN'T.

240. TIME IN THE WORLD.

241. NOT WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE, YOU DON'T.

242. JUST RELAX, MY DARLING. I'LL BE GENTLE.

243. BREAKFAST IN BED.

244. I HAVE A HELL OF AN APPETITE.

245. EPHIE, LISTEN, ABOUT LAST NIGHT...

246. NOT SINCE COLLEGE, NOT EVEN IN COLLEGE.

247. DON'T SAY ANYTHING, I FEEL GREAT.

248. I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GOOD IN YEARS.

249. WELL, JUST DON'T EXPECT THAT FROM ME EVERY NIGHT.

250. OH, THIS CAME FOR YOU THIS MORNING.

251. REALLY.

252. WHO'S IT FROM?

253. HMM?

254. IT'S A... BUSINESS.

255. AH, I, I HAVE TO SKIP BREAKFAST.

256. I'M SORRY.

257. OH!

258. YOU'RE COMING BACK AREN'T YOU?

259. EPHIE, OF COURSE.

260. IF YOU'LL HAVE ME?

261. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

262. THE SAME QUESTION, MORTY.

263. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

264. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?

265. GETTING TO BLOW THIS POP STAND.

266. KIND OF PREMATURE AREN'T YOU?

267. DID ANYONE SEE YOU COME IN HERE?

268. SHOULDN'T BE SEEN TOGETHER.

269. GOING TO DO, MORTY?

270. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN?

271. LEAVE ME HOLDING THE BAG?

272. TO RUB OFF ON YOU, PAL.

273. YOU'RE BABBLING.

274. COME ON, MORTY.

275. LIKE YOU DRESS, BADLY.

276. TAKE THAT TIE FOR INSTANCE.

277. YOU KNOW THAT DOESN'T GO WITH YOUR SHIRT.

278. THANKS FOR THE FASHION TIP.

279. YOU'RE WELCOME.

280. WELCOME HOME, MRS. HOWARD PRINCE.

281. OH, I CAN'T TELL YOU

282. HOW MUCH FUN THAT WAS.

283. I KNOW YOU WANTED TO WAIT,

284. BUT I THOUGHT, WHY?

285. THIS MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP,

286. TO CITY HALL AND GET MARRIED.

287. IN THE DINING ROOM FOR A CHANGE?

288. NO. WE'LL BE HAVING IT IN BED,

289. AS USUAL.

290. OH, HOWARD, COME. NOW, SIT.

291. PRESENT FOR YOU.

292. YESTERDAY, I CALLED THE BANK

293. ON ALL THE ACCOUNTS.

294. ALL IT NEEDS IS YOUR SIGNATURE.

295. NOW, EPHIE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT.

296. NOW, DON'T BE ANGRY WITH ME.

297. GIVES YOU PLEASURE,

298. I WANT YOU TO DO IT. I LOVE YOU, HOWARD.

299. NOW, I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO START THE JACUZZI,

300. AND WHEN IT'S FULL AND BUBBLY,

301. I'LL EXPECT TO FIND YOU IN IT.

302. THIS ARRIVED FOR YOU, SIR,

303. CELEBRATING THE NUPTIALS.

304. CONGRATULATIONS, I'M SURE,

305. FOR THIS WONDERFUL MOMENT.

306. THANK YOU.

307. THANK YOU.

308. OH, MR. PRINCE, HI. I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN.

309. EXCUSE ME.

310. I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE TO CLEAN THE HEAD.

311. IN YOUR CLIENTS, DON'T YOU?

312. WELL, YES.

313. ABOUT OLDER WOMEN?

314. WELL, I DON'T REMEMBER SAYING ANYTHING.

315. MAN SOMETHING SPECIAL.

316. YOU SAID THAT DIDN'T YOU?

317. WELL, I COULD HAVE. YES.

318. IS THAT WHAT YOU FIND CRIMINAL?

319. LOOK, MR. PRINCE...

320. AAH!

321. YOU KNOW WHAT I FIND CRIMINAL?

322. BLACKMAIL!

323. HI, SWEETHEART, SORRY I RAN OUT ON YOU, BUT SOMETHING CAME UP.

324. I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.

325. STANHOPE THE NIGHT OFF.

326. BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MAKE DINNER FOR THE BOTH OF US.

327. THAT'S RIGHT, JUST YOU AND ME AND A NICE BOTTLE OF WINE.

328. MASON MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

329. YOU THE NIGHT OFF?

330. HOW ABOUT ELIZABETH SWATSMORE?

331. OR CLARE MCCARTHY?

332. SHALL I GO ON?

333. PATTERN TO YOUR PAST.

334. WHAT'S YOUR POINT, STANHOPE?

335. DISTRESS MRS. GLUCKMAN.

336. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

337. SO I WON'T.

338. LEAVE NOW AND NEVER COME BACK.

339. WELL, THAT'S AN INTERESTING PROPOSITION, STANHOPE,

340. BUT, WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO ALONG WITH THAT?

341. EPHIE LOVES ME.

342. NO!

343. NO. THAT'S THE DEAL.

344. AND I'VE SAID ALL I INTEND TO SAY.

345. WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY, STANHOPE?

346. YOU WIN.

347. GO AHEAD.

348. SHOOT ME.

349. COME ON, STANHOPE.

350. SHOOT ME.

351. ISN'T THIS LOVELY?

352. AH, THANK YOU.

353. WELL, HERE'S TO LUCK IN LOVE.

354. MAY OUR PASSION LAST FOREVER.

355. OH...

356. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

357. I DON'T LIKE RED WINE.

358. IT'S TOO BITTER.

359. HAVE JUST A LITTLE FOR ME.

360. YES. ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

361. HOWARD, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE DIFFICULT.

362. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T, SWEETIE PIE.

363. TO YOU.

364. AND HERE'S TO US.

365. HOWARD, YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME DRUNK,

366. AREN'T YOU?

367. OOH! IN THAT CASE...

368. AH...

369. HA HA!

370. OH...

371. AH... OH... AH...

372. AH AH AH!

373. HOWARD...

374. YES. YES. I'D LIKE AN AMBULANCE, PLEASE.

375. IT'S MY WIFE.

376. WELL, SHE... SHE WENT INTO CONVULSIONS,

377. AND I... I THINK...

378. SHE, UH... SHE, UH...

379. SHE STARTED TO THE STAIRS,

380. HER, BUT SHE FELL.

381. PLEASE HURRY. I THINK SHE'S DEAD.

382. YEAH. I'D LIKE TO BOOK

383. ON TONIGHT'S FLIGHT TO ESCUNSION.

384. E-S-C-U-N-S-I-O-N. ESCUNSION, WHATEVER.

385. UH, HOWARD PRINCE.

386. IS THAT A NONSTOP FLIGHT?

387. GOOD. AND HOW MUCH WILL THAT BE?

388. UH-HUH. NO. NO. I'LL BE PAYING CASH.

389. THANK YOU.

390. WHAT?

391. MAUSOLEUM.

392. AH!

393. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

394. OF ALL THE LOOSE ENDS.

395. WAS ANOTHER NOTE,

396. SO HERE I AM.

397. NOW, WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?

398. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

399. IT WAS A NICE TOUCH, MEETING HERE LIKE THIS,

400. BUT IT DOESN'T EXACTLY SCARE ME.

401. MAYBE I WASN'T TRYING TO SCARE YOU.

402. OF THE ACTION? HUH?

403. THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?

404. IN 12 YEARS, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.

405. WHAT ARE YOU, A COP?

406. IS THAT WHAT I'M DEALING WITH HERE?

407. NO, I'M NOT A COP.

408. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW IN AWE I AM.

409. ALL THOSE LADIES,

410. ONE LAST TASTE OF LIFE.

411. WHAT DO YOU DO TO THEM?

412. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

413. I DON'T WANT THEM TO GET A HOLD OF YOU.

414. TEACH ME.

415. THEM? WHO'S THEM?

416. WHAT IS THIS, A CONSPIRACY?

417. DON'T YOU SEE? THEY WANT YOU.

418. THEY USED ME TO BRING YOU.

419. THEY'RE BEGGING ME.

420. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

421. MAN, THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU. RUN!

422. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

423. THERE'S A PENALTY FOR WASTING MY TIME.

424. AAH...

425. I GOT GOOD NEWS, EPHIE.

426. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE COMPANY.

427. HEY. WHERE'D SHE GO?

428. I'M OVER HERE, HOWARD.

429. I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.

430. EPHIE?

431. I MISSED YOU.

432. ME, TOO, HOWARD.

433. MATILDA?

434. WE COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

435. AND WE CAN'T DIE WITHOUT YOU.

436. NO. NO.

437. WHAT ABOUT ME?

438. DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME, HOWARD?

439. NO! NO! NO!

440. IT'S ELIZABETH.

441. OH! OH! ELIZABETH!

442. AAH...

443. AAH! CLARE!

444. OH, MY GOD, NO! NO! NO! NO!

445. AAH! AAH!

446. NO! NO! AAH... AAH...

447. AAH... AAH...

448. AAH!

449. NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL A HAPPY ENDING.

450. WOULD WIN HOWARD'S HEART,

451. NOT TO MENTION HIS SPLEEN,

452. HIS KIDNEYS, AND HIS GALL BLADDER.

453. AH HA HA HA!

454. SO, WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE?

455. MMM.

456. AND THEN LETS YOU KEEP IT.

457. AH HA HA HA HA!

458. POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.

459. CAPTIONING INSTITUTE... www.ncicap.org...