Superstore 6x3

1. - Some of you must be thinking,

2. "Wow, our manager sure looks different today."

3. It's a little joke because, you know,

4. I'm taking over for Amy, and—

5. oh, Jonah, I'm sorry.

6. - It's fine. - You can say her name.

7. I'm aware she still exists.

8. - Okay, well, um,

9. I promised Jerusha

10. that I would not let the job stress me out this time around.

11. So instead of me leading the meeting,

12. why don't we all lead the meeting together?

13. - Cool, that seems much better than you just giving us

14. the information we need to do our jobs.

15. - Okay, Garrett, just park the snark, okay?

16. Who's got an announcement?

17. - Oh, I got one.

18. I saw a picture of my great-grandmother

19. from the 1930s,

20. and I realized, "Whoa.

21. That's my type."

22. - Well, that's... something.

23. Mm-hmm?

24. - Last night, Jerry fed a granola bar

25. to one of Tony's sharks.

26. - Whoa, what happened?

27. - Nothing.

28. - Cool.

29. - Okay, Glenn, how about— hit us with one of yours.

30. You know, a classic manager announcement

31. for the fans.

32. - Yeah, okay. - All right.

33. We need someone to replace me as floor supervisor.

34. So if you're interested, let me know,

35. 'cause, you know, it can lead to bigger things.

36. Just look at Amy...

37. - Jonah. - It's fine, seriously.

38. - No, no.

39. It's my first meeting,

40. and already, I'm upsetting everyone.

41. And now I'm stressed,

42. and I promised Jerusha that, if this should happen,

43. I would remove myself from the situation.

44. - Twice.

45. They made him the manager twice.

46. I'm so glad we're repainting your office.

47. Okay, which do you like better:

48. Seawater or Dusty Mint?

49. - Oh, um...

50. well, they're both so different.

51. You know what? Why don't you pick?

52. You know, in fact,

53. maybe I'll start leaning on you to make

54. some executive decisions around here.

55. You know, anything to help out with the old stress.

56. - Executive decisions.

57. Yes, I guess I could see myself

58. calling some of the shots around here.

59. Sort of like the Evita to your Juan Perón.

60. Patti LuPone version, obviously, not Madonna.

61. - Oh, oh, oh. - Uh-huh.

62. So what do you think about the paint?

63. - Seawater. - Dusty Mint is garbage.

64. - Yeah, yeah.

65. I mean, Dusty Mint stinks.

66. Get out of here. You stink.

67. - That was Seawater.

68. - Oh.

69. Well, tell your friend.

70. - Hey, excuse me?

71. - Oh, hey, you're Sandra's child.

72. - Tony. - We met before.

73. - Of course, man.

74. She shows me pictures of you all the time.

75. Congratulations on being a part of clean plate club.

76. - Thanks, bro.

77. So, um, can you unlock that case for me?

78. - Yeah, totally.

79. Um, I just need to get a key.

80. Tony is in the store,

81. and he would like me to open up the condom case.

82. - Jerry and I knew this day would come.

83. - Yes, ever since you very recently adopted him.

84. - Well, I guess it's good that he's being safe.

85. - You can open it. - Okay.

86. - And actually,

87. maybe you could

88. talk to him about sex and stuff.

89. - Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.

90. - Oh, please, Garrett?

91. I just wanna make sure he's really ready

92. and he's doing it for the right reasons.

93. You know how teenage boys don't wanna talk to their moms,

94. and Jerry tried, but he's so sexually specific.

95. - Look, I'll open the case 'cause that's my job,

96. but that's it.

97. And by specific do you mean anatomically?

98. You know what? I don't wanna know.

99. - Oh, hey, uh, Glenn?

100. - Hmm?

101. - I've been thinking about it,

102. and I wanna apply for the floor supervisor job.

103. - Oh, Jonah, that's wonderful.

104. - Yeah, yeah, I just figured I have some time on my hands.

105. You know, why not throw myself into work?

106. - Oh. - Right.

107. Right, right, right.

108. Try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life.

109. - It's worth a try. - Yeah.

110. - I was gonna say,

111. just because I'm not moving to California

112. doesn't mean I can't move forward with my life.

113. - You as floor supervisor.

114. I mean, I guess you are a functioning adult,

115. unlike the last guy.

116. No offense, Glenn.

117. Yeah, watch out.

118. I'm gonna zing you back.

119. Yeah, yeah.

120. Okay, here comes the heater.

121. Um...

122. we'll do it later.

123. - Right, so anyway, I was just gonna say,

124. I have a bunch of great ideas.

125. Like, for instance,

126. what if we gave walkie-talkies to all the zone captains

127. so we don't have to hike all over the store?

128. - Oh, that's interesting. - Right?

129. Yeah, and to be honest, there are a lot of policies

130. that could be updated or changed altogether.

131. - Or we could not change

132. any of the carefully thought out policies

133. I've been honing for the past decade.

134. Also, we only have eight walkies,

135. and I need four backups.

136. - Right, but we could just buy more walkies.

137. - Oh, the DX49Ls?

138. They discontinued them seven years ago.

139. - Yeah. - Good luck, buddy.

140. This guy.

141. "Can we just order more DX49Ls?"

142. It's like, "Good luck, buddy.

143. They were discontinued seven years ago."

144. - Yeah, well, anyway, obviously,

145. that idea was a little too out of the box, but...

146. - Yeah. - But I'm just saying,

147. it couldn't hurt to shake things up a little bit here.

148. - Okay.

149. - Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am interested.

150. - Great. - Noted.

151. - Yeah. - Thank you.

152. - Well, there's one thing off my plate.

153. - No way.

154. I don't want a floor supervisor

155. who's gonna be constantly contradicting us,

156. poking holes in our perfect system.

157. Just leave it with me. I'll find someone else.

158. - No, we've got Jonah.

159. Dina, you are—um.

160. - Oh, is the zinger coming?

161. - You broke my rhythm, so...

162. your loss.

163. - So Jonah wants to be the new floor supervisor.

164. - Oh, cool.

165. - Yeah, I guess I just hoped that someone else would

166. throw their hat in the ring, you know?

167. Someone chill.

168. Someone who isn't a white male that reeks of privilege.

169. - Yeah, but it's hard, though, right?

170. 'Cause of, like, systemic stuff.

171. - Mm, true that, true that.

172. I just feel like there has to be a better choice.

173. Someone who's been here forever.

174. Someone who's style is always on point.

175. - Hmm.

176. Oh, how about Brett? His new boots are dope.

177. - Nope, no, no.

178. I think it has to be a woman—

179. of color, who is also...

180. young.

181. - Oh, hey. - You know what?

182. Maybe I should apply.

183. - Yes, Cheyenne.

184. I was laying it on pretty thick.

185. - Thank you, bro.

186. - Yeah, man. - No problem.

187. - Yo, so are any of these, like, reusable?

188. - Reusable? - Uh, no.

189. - Oh.

190. Hey, uh, if you have any questions about this stuff,

191. I'm happy to talk to you about it—

192. or not.

193. - Actually, yeah, I've got a buttload of questions.

194. - That's a lot.

195. - She's got a ton of experience,

196. she did Cloud 9 Academy,

197. and she'll do whatever we ask of her

198. without bringing her own creative take to everything.

199. - I know, but Jonah is so smart.

200. He'll say stuff like, "Here's the thing,"

201. and, boy, do I buckle up for the thing.

202. - I get that, but, look, we can get Cheyenne now, okay?

203. Do you order the hamburger

204. when there's a steak on the menu?

205. - Sometimes,

206. 'cause of the cutting.

207. - Okay, listen.

208. ultimately, it is your call,

209. and if you choose Jonah over Cheyenne

210. and crush her—

211. because she views you as a father figure—

212. so be it.

213. We're having an election.

214. Both Jonah and Cheyenne wanna be floor supervisor.

215. So we're gonna let the people decide.

216. - The people?

217. Glenn, the people are idiots.

218. Well, don't look at me like that.

219. You know.

220. - Yeah.

221. - I'm not just gonna be assigning shifts.

222. I wanna be here for you guys. I wanna listen, you know?

223. What do you guys wanna see in the store?

224. - Well, I make these cat toys out of tampon applicators,

225. and I was thinking about selling them here.

226. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.

227. Yeah, yeah. I hear you.

228. You know, and it's these kind of dialogues—

229. - Damn, he's good.

230. - Oh, he's just campaigning. - You could do that.

231. Just play politics.

232. Say good things about yourself. Say bad things about Jonah.

233. Make some promises.

234. - Yeah, but if I promise things,

235. won't I have to do those things once I'm elected?

236. - God, no. - Why not?

237. - No one knows. - You just don't.

238. America rules.

239. - Their stuff is nice.

240. Our stuff, disgusting.

241. So be a gentleman. Go with the lights out.

242. - Cool.

243. What if you're watching a movie?

244. Do you turn it off?

245. - Mm, you can keep watching it.

246. You just wanna make sure it's not a really sad movie.

247. You know, you don't wanna be going at it,

248. and then, all of a sudden,

249. Macaulay Culkin gets stung by a bunch of bees and dies.

250. - I don't know who that is, but okay.

251. - Mm, oh, and also,

252. afterwards, you can call her an Uber,

253. but wait until she asks.

254. - My girlfriend rides a skateboard.

255. - Oh, dope.

256. Even better.

257. So anything else?

258. - Um...

259. how do you know if you're in love?

260. Well, how much time do you have?

261. - School starts at 8:00 tomorrow.

262. - Cool.

263. I think that's enough time.

264. Let's get into it.

265. - Oh, just a heads-up: Carol asked for the day off,

266. but she didn't really have a good reason.

267. So I used my executive authority

268. and said no.

269. - Oh... okay.

270. Hey, listen, when I said I wanted help,

271. you know, making decisions,

272. I meant smaller decisions.

273. - Glenn, if you're gonna lean on me, lean on me.

274. You're way too busy to be wasting your time with Carol.

275. - Yeah, well, I guess I am busy.

276. - Yeah, I told her you're not even up for talking

277. 'cause you just had a big fight with Jerusha.

278. - A fight with Jerusha?

279. We never fight.

280. We swallow our anger,

281. and then it comes out later

282. as quiet burps while we're driving.

283. - You take away my break, and I'll run you over

284. with your stupid hybrid car!

285. - Cheyenne, did you tell people

286. I was gonna take away their breaks?

287. - Yeah, Dina told me if I said that to people,

288. they wouldn't vote for you.

289. Plus my friend K-Fai works at Olive Garden...

290. And if I'm elected,

291. she's gonna bring us free breadsticks.

292. Oh, and also,

293. I promise to get the best scientists

294. to work really hard on a COVID vaccine.

295. - What?

296. Oh, come on, that's—

297. there is no way she can do that—

298. the vaccine thing.

299. The breadsticks part, maybe. I don't know.

300. - I just wanna say I fully endorse Jonah.

301. - Thank you, Marcus.

302. - He's my best friend,

303. and if he loses this like he lost Amy,

304. he's gonna drive off a frickin' bridge.

305. - No, no.

306. You should vote for us

307. based on things we can actually do.

308. Like, Nia, you're new here.

309. Is there anything you've noticed

310. that we could do differently?

311. - I like the breadsticks thing.

312. - Thank you. - Yeah.

313. - Okay.

314. Well, then I will also get you breadsticks.

315. - Yeah! - Yes!

316. - That's my boy!

317. Better luck next time, bridge.

318. - So I talked to Tony.

319. - You did? - Aww, thanks, Garrett.

320. - Yeah, no problem. - You know, he's a good kid.

321. You know, it was actually really cute.

322. He asked how he would know when he's in love.

323. - Oh, I'm sorry. - That must have been tough.

324. - Why would you say that?

325. - Just seemed like you were more of a hookup guy,

326. not really a love guy.

327. So, you know,

328. might've been hard to know what to say.

329. Come on, seriously?

330. I've been in love before.

331. - Oh, no.

332. I mean, like, with a real woman.

333. Not, like, with "Tomb Raider."

334. - No, real women.

335. - Okay.

336. My mistake.

337. - I have. - Okay.

338. - It's true.

339. - O— - Don't say okay.

340. - Mm-hmm.

341. Come on.

342. - Hey! Didn't realize you were a fellow boob man.

343. Nice.

344. - Yeah, why didn't you tell us you were bonkers for honkers?

345. - I'm sorry. - Are you guys talking to me?

346. - Dina and Cheyenne sent out the photo of you at Hooters.

347. - Found it on Facebook.

348. Here, I'll put it on the screen for you.

349. - What is—is this supposed the be a scandal?

350. That five or six years ago, I went to a restaurant?

351. - No, the scandal is

352. that Mr. Feminist can't even eat a chicken wing

353. without being around half-naked women.

354. - I was only there because it was a friend's birthday party.

355. And they made us pose with them.

356. And they're not half-naked.

357. They're wearing shorts and a T-shirt.

358. - Ah, too much clothing for this horndog.

359. - Yeah, and if Jonah is lying about being a feminist,

360. we can't trust him about anything.

361. - Good point. - Doesn't she raise a good point?

362. - Guys, come on. - This is ridiculous.

363. This has nothing to do with— I'm a feminist, okay?

364. And I don't even like wings. I ordered the caprese salad.

365. - Hooters had a caprese salad on the menu?

366. - They made it special for me.

367. - Come on, man. - Ew.

368. - Oh, wow. - Do you hear yourself?

369. - The worst part of the story.

370. - Hey, Glenn. - Hmm?

371. - You holding up, okay? - Yeah, sure am.

372. I mean, as good as I can be,

373. you know, after the fight with Jerusha.

374. - Mm-hmm.

375. - Yep, she said some bathroom words.

376. - Oh.

377. - She threw a mustard jar at me.

378. It left a bruise...

379. on my thigh.

380. So you can't see it—

381. I mean, unless, you know,

382. we were to go swimming,

383. but it'll be gone by pool season.

384. So, you know, you won't even be able to see it then,

385. but it will have been there in the past,

386. which is now.

387. - Jerusha. What a bitch.

388. - Uh-huh.

389. - Hey, Glenn. - Hm?

390. - You remember when I dated that girl Alex

391. that worked here?

392. - Uh, oh, yeah, of course.

393. - Can you please tell Sandra that we were in love

394. and not just hooking up?

395. I mean, we hung out all the time.

396. - Remember? - Oh—oh, yeah, yeah.

397. You guys were joined at the hip for a while, there.

398. - Thank you. - Became a problem though

399. 'cause he was also seeing Candace from pharmacy.

400. - Okay, we don't need to get into that.

401. - So you were in love,

402. but you were also dating someone else.

403. - Yes, and then Alex found out about Candace,

404. and then they refused to work the same shifts together.

405. I'm getting stressed just talking about it.

406. I'm gonna go call Jerusha.

407. Don't tell Carol.

408. And if she asks,

409. you saw my thigh bruise,

410. and it was hideous.

411. All thanks to Mateo.

412. - Garrett, this isn't a big deal.

413. You got plenty of time to find love.

414. You're only what, 32?

415. - I'm 40.

416. - Oh.

417. Well... okay.

418. Huh.

419. Okay.

420. - I don't see what the big deal is here, okay?

421. Those girls have it great.

422. They get to eat wings and wear shorts.

423. I would give Jonah a lap dance in a second

424. if I got that gig.

425. - The problem is that Hooters promotes

426. a misogynistic belief system that women are sex objects

427. whose primary function is to literally serve men, so...

428. - Yeah, and don't make owls pervy.

429. - Yeah.

430. - No, you know what this is?

431. This is cancel culture run amok.

432. You guys can't cancel Jonah for something he did six years ago.

433. - Okay, but what if he murdered an entire family

434. and danced with their entrails six years ago?

435. Could we cancel him for that?

436. - Well, have his views evolved since doing that?

437. - Okay, look, guys, let's not make this about cancel culture.

438. - Come on, man. - Help me help you.

439. - Mateo just tried to fire me.

440. - She gave someone a rewards discount

441. when they didn't have a Cloud 9 card.

442. - He's been yelling at people all day like he runs the store.

443. He is not allowed to fire me, is he?

444. - Actually, I am.

445. Glenn gave me ultimate executive power.

446. Right, Glenn?

447. - Well, it's true I gave him some authority—

448. - See? - You're fired.

449. Oh, and you're not allowed to shop here anymore.

450. Too awkward.

451. - I mean, Hooters isn't even the best one.

452. It's the most mainstream, sure, but there's Tilted Kilt;

453. there's Twin Peaks.

454. - Mm, my friend Dave has this underground spot

455. in his backyard

456. that's sort of a riff on the same concept.

457. - Oh, that's cool. - Yeah.

458. - Okay, how is any of this relevant to deciding

459. who should be floor supervisor?

460. We should be talking about actual issues.

461. - Ooh, yeah, like a debate.

462. - Yes, exactly. - Let's debate.

463. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - We don't need to do that, okay?

464. - Yeah, personally, I'd rather keep talking

465. about boobs—I mean, if that's okay with the group.

466. - No.

467. - Why shouldn't we have a debate?

468. - Well, I just feel like your strength in your candidacy

469. lies in your charisma as opposed to your...

470. ideas.

471. - Oh, so you think Jonah has better ideas than I do?

472. - No! - No, I don't think that.

473. I just think that your ideas are best

474. when they come from...

475. me.

476. - Oh, is that why you wanted me to be floor supervisor?

477. So you can just tell me what to do?

478. - So your buddy's yard— is it a full menu or tapas?

479. - Just so you know,

480. I would be a great floor supervisor, okay?

481. I've been here forever, I get along with everybody,

482. and I know who's boned who and who can't work together.

483. And I do have good ideas.

484. For instance, I think we should stagger our shift start times

485. so we're not all clocking in at once.

486. And at checkout,

487. we should have go-back carts for each department.

488. And every zone captain should have a walkie-talkie.

489. - I actually said the same—

490. never mind.

491. I respect women.

492. I don't interrupt them.

493. - Honestly,

494. people shouldn't vote for me

495. just because Jonah's some boob-crazed white guy, okay?

496. People should vote for me

497. because I would be awesome.

498. Wow, that's pretty good.

499. - Yeah. - Well said.

500. Except—just, I'm not crazed, you know?

501. Boobs are not even the first thing that I notice.

502. - What is?

503. Personality.

504. - This guy.

505. - What?

506. - Hey.

507. - Oh, hey.

508. - Listen, I was wrong to assume you would just be my puppet.

509. I think sometimes I still see you

510. as that teenager that started working here part time,

511. turning our regular apples into bongs,

512. but now I see that you have turned

513. into a very strong, independent person.

514. - Well, thank you, Dina.

515. - And that's why I can no longer support you.

516. I'm backing Marcus now.

517. Vote Marcus, everybody!

518. Cheyenne put cameras in the bathrooms!

519. - What? - Dina!

520. - Seriously, I'm so proud of you.

521. She just told me!

522. She watches everybody number two!

523. - No, I don't.

524. - So I saw you gave Justine another chance.

525. Not thrilled you went against my wishes,

526. but I think we can make it work.

527. - She owes us everything now. - Uh-huh.

528. Oh, you don't need to count these.

529. We should just give it to Cheyenne.

530. She's my best friend in the store.

531. It just makes sense for us to run things together.

532. - Wha—nuh-uh!

533. No way, José.

534. I'm sorry.

535. I don't know if that's offensive, but...

536. no more executive decision making for you.

537. You've gone power mad.

538. You don't mean that.

539. You need me.

540. - As an assistant.

541. So starting tomorrow, you will do what I tell you to do

542. and only when I tell you to do it.

543. - Glenn, I don't think that's a good—

544. - No, no, unless I specifically assign you work,

545. you're just gonna have to sit in your office

546. and text your friends and read those celebrity magazines.

547. You got it?

548. - Well, I—

549. I guess I have no choice.

550. - Mm-hmm.

551. - The thing is,

552. I don't have that much phone data.

553. - Then I will add you to my family plan!

554. - Understood. - Understood.

555. - Oh, hey, great. - You're still here.

556. - My girlfriend's meeting me. - She had an oboe lesson.

557. - Ah, skateboarding oboist. - What an interesting young lady.

558. - Yeah, she's sick.

559. - So, listen.

560. Before, when we were talking about love,

561. I gave you good advice, right?

562. Like, I knew what I was talking about?

563. - Yeah, it was fine.

564. I mean, I kind of knew most of what you were saying,

565. like, from movies or whatever, but it's all good.

566. - Oh.

567. Maybe I'm not great about talking

568. about this kind of stuff.

569. Doesn't mean anything.

570. I mean, sure, I haven't been in a serious relationship

571. in a long time.

572. - Why?

573. - I don't know, man.

574. Maybe...

575. 'Cause it's just safer to keep things casual.

576. When you go deep,

577. you open yourself up to all these feelings.

578. - What's wrong with feelings?

579. - Fair point.

580. Maybe I'm just self-sabotaging, like...

581. I'm scared to get invested with someone

582. 'cause I don't wanna get hurt.

583. - Did you get hurt before?

584. I guess the first time was eighth grade.

585. Gabby Pruitt.

586. She dumped me

587. and made out with my best friend, Randy,

588. at the Rainforest Café.

589. Told everybody at school

590. that my breath smelled like Warheads.

591. - Oh, I'm sorry.

592. - The votes have been counted!

593. And our new floor supervisor

594. in a landslide

595. is Cheyenne!

596. Oh!

597. Thanks, everyone.

598. And I do have an update on the breadsticks.

599. They will be day-olds, but if you just microwave them

600. with a wet paper towel, you can't tell the difference.

601. Ooh.

602. - I'm sorry Jonah.

603. I know how much you wanted this 'cause of...

604. A-M-Y

605. going to C-A-L-I-F—

606. - Yeah, California. - Yeah, no, yeah.

607. Thank you, Glenn. It's fine.

608. I'm fine.

609. I'm happy Cheyenne won, you know?

610. She made a very compelling case for herself.

611. So, yeah, not gonna ask

612. for a recount or anything.

613. - I mean, if you insist, I guess I could.

614. - No, no, I meant— I really—

615. - I literally meant... - Oh, Cheyenne.

616. - It's not necessary, - Cheyenne.

617. - No, yeah, we get it, and it could go—

618. - Cheyenne. - Surprise.

619. - This is not a contested election.

620. - No way! - Yes.

621. - Yeah, I think we all get it. - We all get it.