Superstore 6x14

1. Okay, so I asked around, and it's true.

2. Zephra is shifting

3. most of Cloud 9's business online, so...

4. they're gonna be closing some stores.

5. Some? Oh.

6. Okay, well, I mean, what's some?

7. - Like, four? - Three or four. Exactly.

8. Well, that's not bad. I like our chances.

9. No, it's bad, guys.

10. They're closing most of the stores.

11. The number I heard was 95%.

12. What?

13. So we're, like, screwed?

14. Maybe not.

15. I'm gonna try to get this store picked

16. as one of the survivors.

17. I'm still figuring out what that process looks like,

18. but, guys...

19. we're not gonna go down without a fight.

20. Wait, aren't you supposed to be the liaison

21. to Cloud 9?

22. I mean, not a great sign that they didn't clue you in.

23. I'm doing great, Dina.

24. Some people invited me

25. to a concert in the park last week.

26. That's a free concert, Amy. That's not an invite.

27. That's like telling someone where the bathroom is.

28. You're really belly-flopping out there, huh?

29. I am not belly-flopping.

30. Episode Title: "Perfect Store" Aired on: March 25, 2021

31. Okay, everybody calm down.

32. They're gonna keep some stores open,

33. and Amy's gonna do everything she can

34. to make sure we're one of them,

35. so there's no need to freak out about this.

36. - That's easy for you to say. - You make manager money.

37. The rest of us, we need this job.

38. Mm-hmm. Well, except Carol.

39. Oh, 'cause of my settlement?

40. Hey, I still need this job to keep me grounded.

41. Seems to be working so far.

42. Hey, okay, guys, come on.

43. Obviously, Jonah's got some ideas.

44. We haven't even let him talk.

45. Jonah?

46. I mean, I'm not sure

47. that there's anything that we can do.

48. I'm just trying to be realistic.

49. I mean, we've been flattened by these guys

50. over and over.

51. I just...

52. Yeah, I don't know what to say

53. Uh, hey, I'm not sure that's an idea

54. so much as a downer, so maybe next time

55. just don't stop the meeting if you don't have anything.

56. Yeah...

57. my bad.

58. Must be nice.

59. Thinking about buying the fancy vacuum cleaner

60. with the ball thingy

61. like it's just a regular vacuum cleaner

62. with no ball thingy.

63. Yeah, and she bought a Dustbuster yesterday.

64. She's just rubbing it in our faces.

65. You guys are missing the headline here.

66. The store closing could ruin my life.

67. It's not really a Powerball jackpot for any of us.

68. Yeah, but you guys are citizens.

69. You can get any job you want.

70. I need to start thinking of a backup plan.

71. Tony's looking for someone to feed his sharks.

72. The trick is you have to wiggle the food in the water

73. to make it look alive.

74. Okay, so "food wiggler" is the job to beat.

75. Maybe we should just all ask Carol for money.

76. I mean, I guess it's possible

77. she might need a personal assistant.

78. Maybe. You think she'd be cool

79. with paying you cash under the table?

80. Of course; That's how

81. all rich people pay their immigrants.

82. I bet Dianne Wiest hasn't paid a payroll tax

83. in her entire life.

84. And I feel bad because everybody's looking at me

85. like, "What can we do?"

86. Yeah, that's hard,

87. 'cause in this case, what can you do?

88. - It's done. - Yeah.

89. I mean, you know,

90. it's not done yet, you know.

91. Really?

92. Well, I mean, we don't have to jump to done.

93. 5% isn't a good chance, but it's... it's a chance.

94. You know, that's what? The odds are what?

95. - 5%. - 5... yes, 5%,

96. and no, but seriously, and we've got somebody

97. from corporate on the inside who's pushing for us.

98. Yeah, and that's really great,

99. but I don't know if pushing matters to a big corporation.

100. I mean, decisions like this

101. involve months of planning, so...

102. Yeah, but I... But, I mean, you know,

103. nothing's final yet.

104. Yeah, I guess.

105. I mean, we have to do something.

106. We're not just gonna... We're just gonna give up?

107. No, we're not, so...

108. It's really... it's smelly out here today, huh?

109. That's your subject change?

110. Yeah, well, you know, you use what you have.

111. Carol, congrats on the settlement.

112. Oh, thank you,

113. but it was never really about the money.

114. It was about the attention.

115. Either way, well-deserved.

116. Hey, listen, do you want a latte?

117. I accidentally put vanilla in it, and then I thought,

118. "That's how Carol likes it!"

119. Wow, I can't believe you remember that.

120. What can I say? I'm very detail-orientated.

121. Of course, now you can buy all the lattes you want.

122. You'll need 'em. You'll be busy now.

123. Social engagements, travel planning...

124. I guess that's why wealthy people

125. get personal assistants, huh?

126. Oh, I don't know if I need a personal assistant.

127. I like to be hands-on with everything in my life...

128. especially the men.

129. Am I right?

130. You are right...

131. and I love it.

132. Look, Jeff, I'm really sorry you're in a pickle,

133. but I just... I can't buy a Subaru right now.

134. Uh, the reason I'm calling, that little flood incident,

135. how much did you report to corporate?

136. And did they ever...

137. Uh, I'm gonna call you back.

138. That'd actually be pretty sick.

139. - Mm. - Yeah, so now

140. I'm really stoked to get the vaccine.

141. Hi.

142. Hi.

143. - It's good to... - What are you do... I didn't...

144. How... sorry. Sorry, what?

145. What are you doing here?

146. You didn't know?

147. Oh. Oh, God.

148. Cheyenne, I thought you were gonna tell him I was coming.

149. Yeah, I was going to,

150. but I figured it would be awkward.

151. Oh, well, I'm glad we avoided that.

152. I know Amy being back is a very big deal,

153. so as her best friend,

154. I'm just going to put to rest any possible questions

155. so we can save time.

156. Yes, California is warm.

157. No, Zephra does not have those egg-shaped nap pods.

158. Yes, she is roughly the same weight as when she left,

159. and, yes, Parker is still frail and practically translucent.

160. No, actually, Parker is thriving in California.

161. He loves it. Both kids do.

162. And so do I...

163. But I am happy to see all of you.

164. Okay, Amy, you heard me. There's no time.

165. Then why did you bring up my weight?

166. You doing okay, bud?

167. Me? Yeah, no. I'm... yeah, I'm good.

168. I'm... I'm great.

169. Cool.

170. So Zephra is sending an analyst today

171. to do a walk-through.

172. I thought I would get here before her,

173. help you whip the store into shape

174. so that they pick us.

175. - I mean you. - Question.

176. What does this mean for you and Jonah?

177. - No, this isn't about... - No, we're not...

178. That's not what we're here for.

179. Yeah, Sandra. Besides, it doesn't matter.

180. Jonah's seeing someone.

181. Oh, well, that's great for Jonah.

182. - It's none of my business. - It's my lawyer,

183. and she's a redhead, so safe bet is,

184. she's, like, the filthiest freak in the world.

185. Jonah, no!

186. I'm begging you all, please stop.

187. Also, Amy, you should know,

188. Kelly came back, although nothing happened.

189. Why should she know that?

190. Oh, and he also asked Nia out,

191. but she's a lesbian.

192. At least, that's what she told him.

193. No, I am a lesbian.

194. Doesn't matter. He's all about Amy now.

195. Okay, guys, I get that this is really interesting,

196. but come on, we're trying to save our store here.

197. So why don't we split into two meetings?

198. Yeah, do you want to take the store-saving one,

199. and I'll take the Jonah-Amy one?

200. - No. - See, this is why

201. we have two managers.

202. I call Dina's meeting.

203. Okay, how about zero meetings?

204. And dishwasher pods are two-for-one

205. while supplies last, so get 'em while you can.

206. Meaning they might sell out,

207. not that the store's... Uh, please hold.

208. Don't worry, Jonah and Amy will figure something out.

209. They always do.

210. Yeah, totally.

211. Hey, did she say hi to you?

212. Yeah, why?

213. Oh, no, it's nothing. It's just that...

214. I don't think she said hi to me yet.

215. She said hi to everyone this morning.

216. No, she said, "Hi, everyone."

217. Okay, so I'm just supposed to share a hello with Elias?

218. Nah, dude, I'm 40 years old.

219. I think she's just a little preoccupied.

220. Yeah, right, of course.

221. I mean, I'm kidding.

222. It would be funny if I cared, though, right?

223. Right.

224. Okay, so they wouldn't be sending someone

225. all the way out here if it was just about sales.

226. I mean, my guess is they're looking at soft factors,

227. like aesthetics and customer experience.

228. Oh, boy, you think they're gonna be looking

229. at the Quincy store?

230. We're up against the Quincy Cloud 9,

231. the jewel of St. Louis?

232. The whole place is so clean and beautiful,

233. and they got the skylight and the fresh-cut flowers,

234. and their customers are so pleasant to look at.

235. I mean, not one of them makes you wince when you see them.

236. How do they do that?

237. Yeah, we do seem to have a high wince factor.

238. I mean, I think that, just for today,

239. it would be okay to turn away

240. some of our more colorful clientele.

241. No weirdos, no uggos. I'm on it.

242. Well, wait, I'm gonna go with you,

243. 'cause weirdos have feelings too.

244. You're right. I should be more sensitive.

245. I gotta remember, I've got a cousin that's a weirdo.

246. Is it gonna be okay to...

247. leave you two alone together?

248. - We'll be fine. - All good, Dina.

249. It just might be awkward, because...

250. Okay, thanks, Dina.

251. - She's still got it. - Yeah.

252. Look, I'm sorry that I just sprung myself on you like this.

253. Oh.

254. Yeah, we don't need to...

255. It was nice that you came to help,

256. but let's just do the store today, okay?

257. Yeah, yeah.

258. - Of course. Cool. - Okay.

259. So if we're gonna be putting our best foot forward,

260. should we just be sending our worst employees home?

261. Well, I'm worried

262. that if you start pulling that thread, pretty soon...

263. Yeah, no sweater.

264. Yeah.

265. Sorry, Puppet Mike, you can't come in today.

266. This is discrimination!

267. No, no, no, it's just... It's a no-freaks day.

268. - You understand. - Tell you what.

269. Come back tomorrow,

270. and you'll both get a cup of coffee on me.

271. Go yourself!

272. Chef Luigi!

273. Okay, listen up.

274. The Zephra analyst will be here this afternoon.

275. Our only chance of survival

276. is if she believes that this is the best Cloud 9 around.

277. We have to be the perfect store.

278. Uh...

279. Is the analyst Glenn?

280. 'Cause if not, that's a tough sell.

281. Well, we'll do what we can.

282. We'll make it more homey

283. with... with nice smells and... and nice sounds,

284. and we could throw some flowers at her.

285. Don't actually throw them.

286. Just put them places.

287. It's just, how hard is it to say hi?

288. It's barely even a word.

289. Wow. Those smell great.

290. How much?

291. Oh, they're not for sale.

292. They're not even shaped into cookies.

293. It's just a mound.

294. How much for the mound?

295. - That one's yours. - Oh, wow. Hi.

296. Who are you?

297. Our greeters for today.

298. Dina said everyone at Quincy was hot,

299. so this is Dido and Bax.

300. - Yo. - Hi.

301. Oh, his shirt comes off if you want.

302. Nope.

303. Ugh, Carol, you shouldn't be doing this.

304. Let me assist you.

305. - Really? - Yes.

306. Happy to be of assistance.

307. Like an assistant.

308. This is nice, huh?

309. - Yeah. - I mean, it's, you know...

310. it's nicer.

311. Yeah, we did what we could.

312. - Yeah. - You know, so who knows?

313. Maybe we got a shot.

314. Oh, my God, it's... Oh, my God, oh, my God.

315. Okay, Justine, calm down.

316. No, that's the right reaction.

317. There's, like, eight severed feet in there.

318. - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.

319. Okay, I gave Justine a muscle relaxer

320. and put her in her car.

321. She keeps mumbling about feet,

322. but that's not a forever thing, I don't think.

323. This is horrible.

324. I mean, we've had severed feet before,

325. but just a sprinkling, you know,

326. once in a while.

327. It's okay. We know the drill.

328. I'll call Curtis at the police station.

329. He's our go-to for any recovered body parts.

330. Now, hang on, hang on.

331. Before we turn this into a full-on crime scene,

332. what if, hypothetically, we didn't find this bag of feet

333. until after the Zephra analyst left?

334. Do you mean just, like, ignore the bag

335. of gross, dead feet in the middle of the floor?

336. I mean, it would be safer to move it to the back.

337. Safer for who?

338. The foot slicer you're suddenly trying to aid and abet?

339. Yeah, Dina, you got me. I'm in on it.

340. I just happened to show up in the store

341. the day a bag of feet was discovered, and...

342. Okay, that sounds more plausible than I...

343. - I'm not in on it! - Look.

344. We can delay calling them in, but we are not moving it, okay?

345. That's called evidence tampering.

346. It's a criminal offense.

347. Okay, fine.

348. We won't move it.

349. This looks completely natural.

350. Just a drink display in the bedding section.

351. Obviously, the bag of feet stays between us

352. until we can call it in.

353. Yeah, just real quick.

354. I did mention it to Mateo.

355. A bag full of feet?

356. Mateo, I told you not to tell.

357. I only told these two.

358. Also, I texted Eric, and he told his work,

359. but that's it.

360. This is so not a big deal, okay?

361. I mean, of course, it is for the victims' families,

362. or, who knows, maybe there's no victims.

363. You know, maybe it's just a med school prankster.

364. Or a grave robber or morgue bandit.

365. Let's just stop guessing and not tell anybody else.

366. Yeah, and don't worry that God is gonna be mad

367. or hold us in judgement.

368. We're doing the right thing,

369. or at least we will be in a few hours

370. when we stop doing this.

371. Welcome to Cloud 9.

372. Ooh, Dido just texted.

373. The analyst is here.

374. Okay, it's go time.

375. Janet's outside on freak watch.

376. Glenn, you guard the duffel bag and keep tall people away.

377. I'm gonna cover Megan,

378. and Amy's gonna coordinate from the back.

379. Exactly, because Megan and I

380. have been in work meetings together,

381. so she knows what I look like.

382. Mm, does she?

383. Or do you just know what she looks like?

384. Doesn't always go both ways.

385. She knows who I am, Dina.

386. Great. Up top.

387. Come on.

388. Hi. Hey.

389. Uh, can I help you with anything, or...

390. I think I'm okay. Thanks, though.

391. Cool, no problem. Yeah.

392. We're all about customer service here,

393. so anything you need...

394. Yeah, where are your candles?

395. They're just, uh, right over there.

396. Anyways, you need something, let me know.

397. - Can you just show me? - Sorry, sir,

398. if you just walk in that direction, you'll find them.

399. So... uh, I'm kidding, of course.

400. I'm gonna take you to them because that's what I do.

401. Right this way. Thanks.

402. So what are they like?

403. Candles?

404. Elias, stop staring at her.

405. Oh, can somebody get a U-boat over to aisle four

406. so she doesn't trip over that wonky floor tile?

407. Hey.

408. I thought you might want a snack

409. since you're stuck back here.

410. So you thought I was gonna eat five bags of Doritos?

411. No, I just wanted to give you flavor options.

412. I'll put the rest of them back.

413. No, I don't want to make more work for you.

414. Thank you. Very thoughtful.

415. Hey, it really means a lot that you came back here

416. even knowing you'd have to deal with the Jonah of it all.

417. Yeah, well, I mean,

418. it's less weird than I thought it would be.

419. It's actually kinda nice.

420. I mean, it's nice to see everybody.

421. Anyway, so you're really not with Garrett?

422. Oh, he wishes.

423. Yeah, he's obsessed with me.

424. I'll take pity on him. We go to the odd dinner.

425. I spend, like, three nights a week at his house.

426. We take weekend trips.

427. He loves it. It's pathetic.

428. What is she doing?

429. She's calling someone.

430. She's calling me.

431. Why is she calling me?

432. Okay, I'm gonna call her back from the office.

433. Hey, do you want...

434. Yeah. That's what I thought.

435. Hey, sorry to make you hop on a call.

436. Oh, please. Come on.

437. We are in a pandemic, girl.

438. I'm either talking to you or my houseplants.

439. Don't you have two children?

440. I do. Yeah, I do.

441. Uh, so what's up?

442. Well, I was looking at the store schematics,

443. and the café and pharmacy are complete flipped.

444. Just wanna make sure you sent the right ones.

445. Oh, yeah, actually, when the tornado happened...

446. Hey, you know, I think it's really messed up

447. that you came all the way back here

448. and you haven't even said hi to me.

449. I'm so sorry, Megan,

450. my neighbor just barged in.

451. That work-from-home life, am I right?

452. Also, you left your trash cans in my driveway.

453. Whoa, was that just an earthquake?

454. Nope. False alarm.

455. You never do know out here in California.

456. Sorry, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you

457. to step back a few feet.

458. I mean yards. Yards, you know.

459. Forget what I said about feet.

460. Just forget it.

461. You good, Glenn?

462. No, I'm not good.

463. Tell me, how do you think he removed them?

464. Do you think maybe they just fell off like acorns?

465. You know what, buddy? Maybe.

466. Feet!

467. - No, no, Marcus! - Shh!

468. No, you don't understand,

469. there's a bunch of feet here.

470. I just came to move these out of bedding,

471. 'cause, like, why are there drinks here?

472. - And then boom! - Six severed feet!

473. Well, it's eight, but it's fine.

474. Just calm down, and we'll explain everything.

475. I'm sorry, did you just say "severed feet"?

476. Yeah, but we're pretty sure they just fell off like acorns.

477. Why are you guys acting like this is normal?

478. It's sick!

479. There's eight feet in a duffel bag!

480. Wow, that's crazy.

481. Yeah, I don't remember that,

482. but "Lost" did get pretty weird at the end.

483. Ah, this is so disgusting and scary.

484. This is what I'll think about

485. every time I come into the store.

486. Marcus! Stop.

487. We can't let a bag of feet

488. be her last impression of the store.

489. I know.

490. I'd go talk to her, but I only know who she is

491. because of you.

492. She'd know that you were helping us.

493. Oh, I could slash her tires

494. to keep her here longer.

495. Huh, I don't know what car is hers,

496. so I guess I could just do them all.

497. Um, thanks, Chey, but maybe not yet.

498. - Okay. - Hey, guys, we'd love

499. to get an employee's thoughts on all of this.

500. Would any of you be willing to do an interview?

501. - No, we're not gonna do that. - Uh...

502. It'll just take a minute.

503. Actually, yeah, I... I will.

504. So I cleaned out all the old Filet-O-Fish boxes

505. from your trunk, except for the one labeled "private,"

506. which I will neither judge nor ask questions about.

507. Mateo, thank you.

508. You know what? You've convinced me.

509. - You're hired. - Oh, thank God.

510. I mean, I really hope we save this place,

511. but it's starting to give off a real "portal to hell" vibe.

512. - Mm. - How about 25 an hour?

513. Sure.

514. So that means I can hire you

515. for about eight hours total.

516. Does next Tuesday work for you?

517. Just one day?

518. I was thinking it would be more of a full-time thing,

519. you know, just so I could eat and stuff.

520. I don't have that kind of money.

521. What? You just got a huge settlement.

522. Yeah, I thought so, too,

523. but when you add up lawyer fees and taxes

524. and all my texts they discovered

525. about wanting to get injured here,

526. it ended up only being about 20 thou.

527. Anyway, I'm gonna try

528. to get Cheyenne's friend to take his shirt off.

529. You do that.

530. Today, a new chapter

531. in one of St. Louis's darkest stories.

532. A duffel bag filled with eight severed human feet

533. has turned up inside

534. the Ozark Highlands Cloud 9 store.

535. One employee has agreed to tell us what he knows.

536. Jonah, this is not the first time

537. feet have been found here.

538. In fact, the internet has already dubbed this store

539. Toe-zark Highlands.

540. Is that... is that so?

541. That's the first I'm hearing of it.

542. Why do you think he or she...

543. But let's be honest, he... Sees your store

544. as an ideal dumping ground?

545. Uh, well, Natalie, he probably likes it

546. for the same reason everybody else does, you know.

547. Our fast and friendly service, our convenient parking,

548. and our strong sense of community.

549. I see.

550. I don't think he answered her question.

551. Yeah, it's a tough pivot.

552. This is the first time

553. multiple feet have been delivered at once.

554. Do you believe this is some sort

555. of gruesome final event?

556. I don't know why you think

557. I would have anything useful to say on that front,

558. um, but you know what's never final?

559. Any purchase that you make here.

560. Let me... let me tell you about our return policy.

561. So you're not concerned this is hurting business?

562. I might think twice about shopping at this store.

563. Okay, yeah, a lot of feet turn up here.

564. I'm sorry we're not literally perfect, Natalie.

565. Yikes.

566. We just... we... we keep trying to show everybody

567. that we're the perfect store, and the truth is we're not.

568. Okay? We're... we're just us,

569. but we're here every single day.

570. When it rains, when it snows, when it... when it tornadoes,

571. when there's a plague and you're all safe at home,

572. except for when you come here to cough,

573. we're here just... just trying to get you what you need,

574. and... and all we want is to keep doing that.

575. Emotions running high here,

576. preventing people from staying on topic.

577. Back to you, Skip.

578. That was great.

579. Really?

580. - Yeah. - You guys,

581. she's heading out.

582. Okay.

583. Wait, Amy, no, what are you... She can't know that you're...

584. Megan.

585. Yep, that's right.

586. I've been here the whole time.

587. Amy Sosa.

588. Oh, right.

589. I'm sorry, I didn't know what you looked like.

590. - Don't tell Dina. - Never.

591. Wait, why are you here?

592. Look, um...

593. I know that the foot thing is bad.

594. I'm not trying to say that it's not,

595. but you can't close this store.

596. You just... you can't.

597. I... I don't have a good reason why,

598. but these people are my family.

599. I... I... I grew up here.

600. I spent half of my life...

601. Amy, we're not closing this one.

602. What?

603. Really?

604. It has great square footage, nice and central.

605. It'll make a perfect fulfillment center.

606. - A fulfillment center? - Mm-hmm.

607. So it's not gonna be a store anymore?

608. Well, what about everybody's jobs?

609. Well, I'm sure they'll keep a handful of people, but...

610. No.

611. You can't just do this to us.

612. Well, Amy, you'll keep your job.

613. No, I won't,

614. 'cause I quit.