Superstore 3x21

1. With... a baby?

2. Sorry, obviously that's—um.

3. Uh, who—

4. - Uh, it's Adam.

5. - Oh, yeah, Adam. - Adam.

6. - It was just a—it was a one-time thing.

7. - He's—he's good.

8. - Great, great. - That's—tell him I said hi.

9. Um.

10. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.

11. - I don't know.

12. - I just—I wanted to.

13. Before everything changed.

14. I can't even—

15. You know what?

16. No. Forget it.

17. Nope.

18. Uh-uh.

19. - Just a reminder that it's still Haitian Heritage Month.

20. So if you have a customer

21. and you think they might be Haitian,

22. feel free to offer them a sticker.

23. Also, it is Mother's Day this weekend,

24. and corporate says mothers are in this year.

25. So we're gonna be hitting that hard.

26. Well, that's it for the prepared announcements.

27. Now I'll open it up to the room,

28. in case anyone has something they'd like to say.

29. Maybe about Mother's Day?

30. - Well, my mom broke parole, so I think that this

31. is gonna be the last— - No, Cheyenne.

32. Amy has the floor.

33. - Oh.

34. Okay, I see.

35. Hey guys, I'm pregnant.

36. - Oh, my God.

37. - Wow.

38. - Oh, my God, out of nowhere.

39. - I know what you're thinking, but I only told, like,

40. three people, so this is not on me.

41. - It's fine. - Everybody would have

42. been able to tell soon anyway.

43. - I guessed last week when you plowed through

44. - that pile of taquitos. - It wasn't a pile of taquitos.

45. It was a couple taquitos.

46. - Don't worry. - I couldn't tell.

47. - Did you know? - No.

48. Mm-mm. No, I didn't know until just now.

49. That is wild, and wacky stuff.

50. I did not know that.

51. - Well, I could tell already. - I compared the pictures.

52. - What pictures—

53. - Oh! That explains why you didn't wanna come

54. on my "Gossip Girl" bar crawl.

55. - Uh-huh. - That was why.

56. - We have a lot of work to do, so let's just

57. burn through all of this. Amy is pregnant.

58. The baby is Adam's. I was the first to know

59. because I am her best friend, and, Justine, no one went

60. to your bar crawl because you are unpleasant to be around.

61. - Unpleasant in bed.

62. - Lame. - I'm gonna give it to her.

63. - Nice one. - Thank you.

64. - Attention Cloud 9 shoppers. - This weekend is Mother's Day.

65. I don't know your mother, but given what women

66. have gone through this past year I think

67. it's pretty safe to say, she needs this.

68. - Hey. - Hey.

69. - So, um, we should probably talk.

70. - Honestly, it's fine.

71. I'm all good, really. Nothing to talk about.

72. Okay.

73. Um, but, you know, if we were gonna talk,

74. I might say something like,

75. "Ah, I was in a weird place emotionally and—"

76. - But we're not gonna talk, right?

77. So no need to do this.

78. There, that looks right.

79. I'm gonna go help Kelly.

80. Hey, you.

81. - And something else you might want to know is,

82. Amy's pregnant!

83. - Um, "quarterly reports" really mainly just refers to

84. the financials. I don't know who Amy is.

85. - The floor manager. - I'm her best friend.

86. - So. - Okay.

87. Uh, few things on our end:

88. we're figuring out which store will host

89. the next CEO Town Hall meeting,

90. and with your story of rebuilding after the tornado,

91. you guys are on the short list.

92. - Oh. So, the CEO may come to this store

93. that we're in right now?

94. That's... interesting.

95. - If he needs a place to stay, he can have my master bedroom.

96. Jerusha and I could share

97. - Timur's trundle bed. - My place is quieter.

98. Do you know what kind of shampoo he uses?

99. - I usually make my own. - My guess is

100. that he would stay at a hotel, but for now,

101. if you could send us a photo of your team,

102. that would help with promotional materials.

103. - We'll get you 100 photos.

104. 1,000!

105. - One's good.

106. - Attention Cloud 9 shoppers, we have a bit of an emergency—

107. - Garrett! Garrett! We need to make an announcement.

108. - I'm in the middle of something right now.

109. - This is urgent! - Attention, employees.

110. We need you to assemble in the front of the store

111. for a group photo in ten minutes.

112. - And look sharp!

113. We—no! We have a chance to have CEO,

114. Neil Penderson, in our store!

115. This is not a prank.

116. - Neil! Penderson!

117. - As I was saying, there's a missing child.

118. His name is Caden. He has brown hair,

119. is eight years old, and is wearing overalls.

120. So, uh, I guess those two things.

121. Group photo. Missing kid.

122. - Hey, yo, Amy!

123. Heard you got a baby all up in them guts.

124. - Yeah, congrats. - Thank you.

125. - Mad props on not getting scooped out.

126. Choose life y'all, what's up?

127. - Okay.

128. - We brought you some of Harmonica's

129. old baby stuff we were gonna give to Goodwill.

130. - Then we were like, why deal with the middle man

131. when we can just do the charity right onto you?

132. - Oh, okay. - Thank you.

133. But I'm not a charity case.

134. - Oh, there's some good stuff in here.

135. - Oh, that baby. - That's a good baby.

136. - Oh, it's clean.

137. It's clean. Oh!

138. - Look, so cute. - Aw, that's sweet.

139. - Little bitch. - Oh.

140. But what if it's a boy then?

141. - It's like a pretty funny slam on him.

142. Little bitch.

143. - All right. - Yeah.

144. - Okay, everyone, I need your shirts tucked

145. and your guts sucked.

146. Pretty people up front. Uggos in the back.

147. - Um, Glenn.

148. - Oh, I wish that you could, Sandra,

149. but somebody's got to take the picture.

150. Maybe next year.

151. - Okay, it's just that I was the one who took it

152. last year and the year before that.

153. - I want to shine.

154. Is it a crime to shine?

155. - I like it. You look like a car freshener.

156. - Thank you. - Okay, Heather.

157. Sweetie, get some self-esteem.

158. Come up to the front. Amanda, way back.

159. Like you're going for a fly ball.

160. Jonah, you're gonna show off

161. your tight little bod right here.

162. - This is more uncomfortable than flattering.

163. - Half-pint, right there.

164. - Oh, how big of a smile do you want?

165. It hurts a little, but I can show all of my teeth.

166. - Let's go with all the teeth.

167. Single mother, Rodriguez. Here we go.

168. - They can't tell I'm single in a photo, Dina.

169. - Sure.

170. - Okay, now let's look like a family.

171. Okay, everyone put your arms around each other.

172. - Okay. - Yeah.

173. - Jonah, both arms. - Pregnancy's not contagious.

174. - Have you two never taken a picture?

175. - Some of us have to pee. - Okay, we're ready!

176. - Let's do this! - That's the spirit.

177. Okay, everyone. Big smiles.

178. - There's a spot open in the middle.

179. I could set a timer

180. and run in and— - Nope! I got it!

181. - Oh, okay.

182. I guess that works too.

183. Okay, here we go.

184. - That is a group photo. - Of our group.

185. - Yeah, doesn't exactly scream "CEO."

186. - It seems fine to me. - Exactly.

187. It's just fine. That's a good way of putting it.

188. - That's not what I meant.

189. I just don't feel anything when I look at it.

190. I want to see tornado survivors.

191. - Right! Like on "CNN Heroes,"

192. you get a sense of the struggle.

193. This doesn't feel like "CNN Heroes."

194. - Well, this is a still image, and that's a television show.

195. - You know, I agree with Garrett.

196. We should be doing a TV show.

197. - Not what I said. - Oh, my God.

198. I bet none of the other stores are doing a TV show.

199. - That seems excessive. - Excess leads to success.

200. - Well, that rhymes. - Well, drop your concerns,

201. Ken Burns. Let's do this!

202. - Nice.

203. - Oh, hey, Amy.

204. Did you drop that $20 bill?

205. - Uh, nope, that's not mine. - Oh.

206. Well, I mean, you saw it first, so finders keepers.

207. - No, I didn't. - You found it.

208. - Why don't you just keep it.

209. - Mateo, thank you. - That's very kind of you.

210. But I don't really need handouts.

211. I don't even know what you're talking about.

212. Someone dropped that there. I don't know who.

213. - Oh, damn. - Lucky day!

214. - No, that's mine! - No, it's mine now.

215. - It's mine! It's mine! - I just found it. It's mine.

216. - I put it there for Amy to find, Bo.

217. - Amy doesn't need charity.

218. - I licked it! It's mine. - No, I'll lick it.

219. - I just wanted to kiss you.

220. I might do it again sometime.

221. - I'll considered myself warned.

222. - Excuse me.

223. Where can I find the dog food?

224. - Oh, I'll show you. - We'll show you together.

225. - Hm.

226. - Oh, um, th—we're...

227. Okay.

228. - Cheyenne, tell us what you remember

229. - about the day the tornado hit. - Um.

230. Okay, I remember I had Chipotle for breakfast.

231. And the guy who made my burrito

232. was like really creepy, but kind of in a hot way.

233. He was like,

234. "What kind of protein do you want?"

235. And I was like, "Carnitas."

236. - No, more—what was it like here?

237. At work. In the store.

238. - Did you think you were going to die?

239. - Yeah, totally.

240. - Could you say that as a complete sentence?

241. - Uh, sure.

242. I thought I was gonna die.

243. - Cheyenne, we're getting nothing.

244. Okay? If you thought you were gonna die, maybe act like it.

245. - Oh, okay, yeah, I can act like that, okay.

246. I remember coming

247. Sorry.

248. I remember coming into to work.

249. Ah. I'm sorry. I just—

250. Oh, my God, it feels like my throat is closing up.

251. Oh, God.

252. I think someone poisoned my drink.

253. Oh, my skin is on fire.

254. - I think we got it.

255. - It's not like I walked in planning to kiss you.

256. I'm working.

257. - I can take you over here. - Sorry, ma'am, he's closed.

258. You can't just not talk to me.

259. - I'm not not talking to you.

260. I just don't want to talk about yesterday.

261. We can talk about anything else.

262. You want to talk about SpaceX, I'm in.

263. - Uh, okay.

264. I think it's really gross

265. that only rich people get to go to space,

266. and also it's like, focus on Earth problems

267. - before we set up shop on Mars. - Interesting. Counterpoint—

268. - Okay, I don't really want to talk about this.

269. I want to talk about yesterday.

270. Ma'am.

271. - It's fine. - No, still closed, ma'am.

272. Thanks. fine.

273. I got two minutes until my break. Go.

274. - Um, uh, okay well

275. um, obviously there are...

276. feelings—I mean, not obviously.

277. I guess seemingly.

278. I just really didn't think this

279. would be a one-sided conversation.

280. Look, what I want to say— - Hey Ames.

281. - Hi, Adam.

282. - Adam's here. - I see that.

283. Hey, Adam. Uh, congratulations.

284. - Thanks, man.

285. Congratulations on what?

286. - Uh. So what are you doing here?

287. - You left a message saying we needed to talk in person.

288. - I meant, like, after work.

289. - You said it was urgent. - I needed batteries anyways.

290. So I thought since you get a discount.

291. - Well, I can't really use my discount on friends, so—

292. Bigger fish to fry. Look, Adam.

293. Can we talk about this later? It's kind of a long story.

294. - Yo, Amy. I left that baby stuff by your locker.

295. Now that you're pregnant, it's no time to be stingy.

296. - That guy's got great timing.

297. !

298. I'm sor

299. No, not— No, no, no, no, no.

300. - Of course not. - No, not with Jonah.

301. No, don't worry. It's—it's yours.

302. - Okay, good. - What?

303. - Yep. - Surprise.

304. - I'm sorry. - How did this even—

305. I mean, I know how it—wow.

306. - I know. - It's a lot to take in.

307. It just—this is not how I planned on

308. telling you that I'm pregnant.

309. - Damn it. - I think we should

310. invest in some dividers or something.

311. - Um.

312. This is—this is Alex, our beverage rep.

313. Or I mean, and other things,

314. but we just haven't really discussed labels.

315. - Well, I'll let you guys all talk.

316. - No, no, no, no. - You're fine where you are.

317. - I will move back in with you if you want.

318. - Wow.

319. - Hold up. - Who is this guy?

320. - Are you dating him too? - No, no.

321. No, this is my ex-husband.

322. - And we're having a baby together.

323. - And maybe getting remarried. - Oh, my God.

324. - Well, you've got your hands full.

325. So I'm gonna take my break now.

326. - No, I just really want to finish our talk.

327. - We can talk about SpaceX

328. - another time. - No, we can't.

329. Not at the rate that they're burning through capital.

330. - Um, I can't find my mommy. - Grownups are talking.

331. - Hey, I'll help you find your mommy.

332. - It runs the gamut.

333. - I love beverages.

334. We were all so scared.

335. And I made a promise to myself that day

336. that if I survived, I would let the people that I love know

337. how much they mean to me.

338. Every. Day.

339. - Okay, Mateo,

340. you seem to be hitting the drama a little hard.

341. okay.

342. You said you wanted emotion. I gave you emotion.

343. - Well, maybe less emotion.

344. - All right, got it. - No problem.

345. It was chaos. People screaming.

346. Debris flying everywhere like locusts.

347. I started my shift a boy.

348. But I clocked out a man— - Okay, that's good.

349. That's good. I think we've seen enough.

350. Moving on.

351. - Gonna move on. - Wait, I'm sorry.

352. Okay? I'm trying to do it normal, but it's...

353. It was crazy when I think about that tornado.

354. You know, it's...

355. You think you know what it's like to be scared.

356. But then when you feel true fear

357. for the first time, it envelopes you

358. and crushes you.

359. But then it sort of comforts you.

360. Like a hug, and I—I don't know,

361. it's hard to explain, but it...

362. Ugh.

363. Sorry.

364. - Aw.

365. Are you kidding me right now?

366. Hey. What's happening?

367. - Mm, sorry I can't talk right now.

368. - I'm a blanket. - Oh. Hm, okay.

369. Can you maybe be a blanket that helps me stock body scrub?

370. - Mm, blankets don't have hands.

371. Stop.

372. - I, uh—I want to meet your parents.

373. - Oh. Um—

374. - I mean, it feels like we're getting serious, right?

375. - Yeah. - Well, I mean, yeah.

376. Okay, um, how about a Mother's Day brunch?

377. I'm always down for brunch.

378. - Oh, uh, it's just us.

379. - Oh, okay. Well we should meet up afterwards.

380. I'm supposed to meet my mom later that day,

381. but I can blow it off, so it's totally fine.

382. - Hey, Alex, it's Carol from Cloud 9.

383. I got your number off of the vendor list.

384. I was the one that was vaping by the Dumpster last Thursday,

385. and you said, "Are you vaping?"

386. And I said, "Yeah."

387. Anyway, I heard about the breakup,

388. and I just wanted to say sorry.

389. So let me know if you ever want to go grab drinks

390. or you can just come by for a massage or whatever.

391. - Relatively well, I guess.

392. I mean, I don't know how you're supposed to take it

393. when you find out the woman you're dating

394. is pregnant with another man's child.

395. - Oh, you should've asked me.

396. I've had that conversation multiple times.

397. - Well, now that you're single again,

398. you and I should start hanging out more.

399. We can call each other "slut"

400. - in like, the fun way. - Yeah, maybe.

401. I mean, Adam did offer to get back together,

402. so we'll see.

403. - You're back with Adam. - Yay, Amy.

404. - Well, no. - Not really.

405. I mean, yes, he offered, but I'm not gonna do it.

406. - I'm sorry. The father of your baby wants to step up?

407. Do you watch any daytime talk shows?

408. That never happens.

409. - There's clearly still an attraction.

410. You did go back for seconds.

411. - I wouldn't say no to a man

412. offering to support me and my baby.

413. - He can't support me.

414. He works part time at a PetSmart.

415. - The one on Balson.

416. - Oh, that's the good one. - Oh, wow.

417. - I bet with his discount you can get a lizard

418. - for like nothing. - I'm willing to pay full price

419. for a lizard if it means I don't have to get back

420. - with my ex-husband. - I mean, I know

421. it's not ideal, but given the choice

422. between Adam and no one?

423. - Okay, I don't really want to talk about this anymore.

424. So, uh, let's find something else to talk about.

425. - Just one more thing.

426. Ames.

427. I thought a lot about this,

428. and you being pregnant

429. is not a deal breaker for me.

430. I may not be that baby's father,

431. but I'm willing to step up and be its dad.

432. - Thank you, Marcus. - I'll let you know.

433. - Okay, now two men are willing to be the father.

434. You are running out of sympathy points, girl.

435. - Can't you feel the electricity in the air?

436. It's like we're at a big movie premiere,

437. and all the stars are here.

438. Dina Fox, who are you wearing?

439. Not sure, probably a nine-year-old Malaysian kid.

440. Do you want me to come up with a name?

441. - Please don't. - Bong. It was Bong.

442. - She did.

443. - Show the movie. - Oh, okay.

444. - Okay, is this a movie or a book?

445. - I thought I was gonna die.

446. - Hey.

447. - Hey. - You're missing

448. the big movie premiere.

449. - Yeah, I guess I'll just have to Netflix it.

450. Look, I'm sorry if I reacted poorly yesterday.

451. I think I was just caught by surprise—

452. - Look, could we maybe not do this right now?

453. I'm sorry. I just—it's been a really rough day.

454. And I don't know how much more I can take.

455. - Okay.

456. - What is that supposed to mean?

457. I said okay.

458. - No. - You said "o-kayyyy."

459. - Well, it's just—it's a little annoying, you know.

460. You waited to talk to me all day,

461. and when I'm ready, it's just like, "Nah."

462. It's what you want when you want it.

463. - All right, well I don't know if you've noticed, Jonah,

464. but I'm sort of going through some things.

465. - Yeah, I get that. You know, I guess I'm just saying

466. everybody has problems—

467. What are your problems, Jonah?

468. Did the farmers market run out of your yogurt?

469. Or—oh, your "New Yorker" came late this month.

470. - "The New Yorker" is weekly,

471. and yeah, fine, okay.

472. Maybe you have a little more stuff than I do—

473. - But that doesn't mean that you get to just

474. dismiss anything I say.

475. - Oh, my God. - Cry me a river.

476. - This is what I'm talking about!

477. You love playing the martyr.

478. You get to just judge everybody else,

479. but nobody gets to criticize you on your crap.

480. - Are you really that pissed off that I kissed you?

481. - No, I'm pissed off that I waited around for you

482. for two years, and you waited until I was in a relationship

483. and you were pregnant to kiss me.

484. I don't even know what you're still doing here, Jonah.

485. You can leave whenever you want.

486. - So could you, but we all know that's never gonna happen.

487. - Go to hell, Jonah.

488. - Here at Store 1217, we're a family,

489. and we got through that day like a family.

490. - Like a family.

491. Like a family.

492. - Yeah, totally.

493. - That was so good.

494. That could seriously be on YouTube.

495. - Guys, I would watch a show about us.

496. - Me too. - I want to show Bo.

497. He's never seen me in a video with clothes on.

498. - After watching it, I got to say,

499. a lot of the key choices were mine, so.

500. - Oh, um, so my parents are in.

501. Cheesecake Factory on Sunday.

502. Or they like Buca Di Beppo too.

503. I don't know. What do you think?

504. - I say we do both.

505. Throw in Panera, and it's a brunch crawl.

506. - Perfect!

507. I love you.

508. - I think we should break up.