Superstore 3x16

1. Um...

2. Thank you all very much for this going away party.

3. It's very unnecessary, and a little awkward.

4. - I'd just like to propose a toast to my man.

5. - I'm sorry, did you bring champagne for one person?

6. - In a way, this is a celebration of us reuniting.

7. - No, no, I am celebrating

8. never having to work with Jeff again.

9. Not you two reuniting.

10. Frankly, I think this is a mismatch.

11. - I'll miss your candor, Dina.

12. - Hey, why don't we all go around

13. and tell our favorite Jeff story?

14. Okay, I want to go first. Jeff, I remember once,

15. you brought a ham sandwich,

16. and I was like, typical Jeff.

17. - I remember when we bonded

18. over having seen "The Danish Girl."

19. - I've never seen "The Danish Girl."

20. - That wasn't... - Oh.

21. That was, that was Dale. I'm sorry.

22. - I remember when I let you

23. borrow my air mattress for your camping trip.

24. Remember that?

25. I'm going to need that back, actually.

26. - Of course, thank you, ASAP. - Yeah, great.

27. - Even though we never actually dated,

28. I spent several months telling people we did.

29. And I created these intricate memories of our relationship

30. that feel completely real.

31. And I have these vivid memories

32. of your body on top of me.

33. Your tongue in my mouth.

34. Your hands on my breasts.

35. That kind of thing.

36. - Whoo, what a trip down memory lane, huh?

37. Jeff, you are always welcome at Cloud 9.

38. In fact, our café is very popular with the unemployed.

39. - Oh, uh, I'm not unemployed.

40. I took a job as a manager with Target.

41. Although at Target, we call it a store lead.

42. - You're at Target. - Yes, the one on Forest Park.

43. So uh, hope you're ready for some competition.

44. - Okay, I mean, bring it on.

45. - Yeah. - All right.

46. - I'll clean your clock with arm and hammer.

47. You know?

48. - Oh.

49. - Jeff, I'm sorry. - It's okay.

50. - I'm sorry, I didn't— - It's okay.

51. Just got me in the— - I'm sorry.

52. - Throat a little bit.

53. - I can't believe Jeff is going to Target.

54. - So what if Jeff works to Target?

55. What is the big deal?

56. - Jeff has seen Cloud 9 from the inside.

57. He knows all our secrets. It's like in football,

58. when they trade a player to another team,

59. and then that player knows how to beat his old team.

60. - Yeah, but don't they do that all the time in football?

61. Like, isn't that like, a thing?

62. - Amy, don't talk sports. - You're embarrassing yourself.

63. - It's newly renovated, but it still has its original molding,

64. and it's in walking distance to the farmer's market.

65. - That place looks great. - You should take it.

66. - It just feels a little small,

67. or claustrophobic, or something.

68. - Well, I mean, we're not going to find something perfect.

69. I mean, you said the last one was too loud.

70. The one before that was on a slant,

71. and the one before that had a weird curry smell.

72. - And I actually like curry, but that was a bad curry.

73. And the scary part is, like, what's it covering?

74. - What aren't you smelling? - Just think.

75. You'll get to wake up to stuff like that every day.

76. - Okay, you remember the guy from the pet store?

77. - Uh, no. - You remember.

78. - The guy from the pet store. - Oh, yeah, continue.

79. - We're meeting for lunch today,

80. and he's bringing a friend.

81. No, no, no. No, no.

82. - Ah, come on, I really like this guy.

83. He makes me feel like...

84. Have you ever fired a gun into the sky?

85. - Well I mean, I guess if you really—

86. - I've already told him how desperate you are,

87. and he says his friend is fine with it.

88. - How nice. - Um, you know what, Dina,

89. actually, I think I'm going to pass.

90. I made myself a PB&J for lunch

91. that I have been looking forward to all morning.

92. So maybe next time,

93. if there's, you know,

94. - Oh, oh, hi, yeah, um,

95. I want to buy a dog with a birthmark around its eye,

96. but in the shape of a blue cloud.

97. Well, your website says you have all breeds.

98. Well, that's misleading, don't you think?

99. Well, I do!

100. Sorry, dealing with some false advertising there.

101. - What's up? - Look, I need to talk to you.

102. Uh, my living expenses are about to go up

103. - now that Jonah's moving out. - Okay.

104. - And um, well, I've been working here for a while,

105. and I'm a hard worker.

106. Er, I'm a worker.

107. - Garrett, I'm sorry, I can't deal with this right now.

108. I am in the dance off of my life with Target.

109. - Sorry. - Hmm.

110. Uh, well, you know, Jeff offered me a job at Target

111. for a dollar more an hour.

112. - But you don't have to worry about it.

113. Because I told him that you would probably match it.

114. - That bald little weasel!

115. What are you, wait, whoa, wait, hold on.

116. - Not enough that he's trying to steal our secrets.

117. But then he comes after my second coolest employee?

118. - Oh, I don't think so. - You don't need to do—

119. Who's the first coolest employee?

120. - Oh, Hi Jeff, it's Glenn Sturgis from Cloud 9.

121. We need to talk face to face, at your earliest convenience.

122. Okay, bye-bye.

123. He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

124. - Oh.

125. - Pistachio shells.

126. - Wow, he is so hot. - Is he a model?

127. - He's a lawyer, but I think he used to be

128. a skydiving instructor, and he does a lot of charity work.

129. - That's perfect.

130. - Oh, Dina's setting me up with her boyfriend's friend.

131. - You're all like, lucky bitch. - Well, I mean,

132. - now I wish I was going. - Okay, Amy's in.

133. Justine, you can eat lunch alone, like always.

134. Thanks a lot, Amy.

135. - I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen.

136. - Okay, Justine, you're back in.

137. - No, no, now it's just getting confusing,

138. going back and forth, so I'll just go.

139. You know, just to make it easy.

140. - Oh, my God, yes.

141. So that picture you showed me.

142. That wasn't a black and white filter?

143. - Oh, no. - He's old.

144. - Hey, Jeff, the man in red! - What are you doing here?

145. - Uh, I got a meeting with Glenn.

146. - Oh, okay, okay. - Well hold up, man.

147. Jeez, it has been forever since we had a chat.

148. - Yes. - You watch the show

149. last night?

150. - I don't know, any of them. - I like them all.

151. Hey, you like chicken wings, right?

152. - Not really. - Well, that's great.

153. Because I'm going to take you to lunch to a place

154. that does not sell them. Let's go.

155. - I cannot do that now, but thank you for the invite.

156. Do me a favor, just text me the name of the restaurant.

157. I'm always looking for a new spot.

158. - Okay, well hey, don't worry about what Glenn says.

159. 'Cause, you know, typical Glenn.

160. - So how do the two of you know each other?

161. - His older sister babysat me.

162. What does that mean?

163. - There, see, plenty of space. - You got room for the couch,

164. and there's the coffee table,

165. and here's your beat up bookcase.

166. - That's not beat up. - That's reclaimed wood.

167. - Uh, well, the point is, everything fits.

168. - Mmm, it does feel spacious. - Yeah.

169. - But it's misleading. - We don't just live like this.

170. We live like this.

171. I don't think I live like that.

172. - Two-dimensionally, this is fine.

173. We need to go 3-D.

174. - 3-D. - 3-D.

175. - Thank you for coming in, Jeff.

176. That's more comfortable.

177. Um, I wanted to have a sit down with you,

178. so that we could go over the rules of the game.

179. - Okay, look.

180. Let's not insult each other, all right?

181. If you respect me, I'll respect you.

182. But if you start trying to pooch my people,

183. then we are going to have a problem.

184. Did you mean "poach"?

185. - Don't play dumb with me! - Okay, Glenn.

186. Not sure what you're trying to do,

187. but you don't have to intimidate me.

188. - No, you don't tell me what to do, okay?

189. Because you're not my boss anymore.

190. You're just another schmo, like me,

191. down here in the dirt with the rest of us.

192. Yeah.

193. You don't like it, do you?

194. Down here in the dirt.

195. Well here, let me clean you up.

196. - What, don't do that. - Well, then stop

197. - trying to steal my people. - Hey, I'm not trying

198. to steal your people. Stop spraying me

199. - with the bottle. - Liar, liar.

200. - Stop spraying me with the bottle, I'm not lying!

201. - Mmm.

202. - One more time.

203. Spray me one more time.

204. You want to poach? Let's poach.

205. - What, no, I don't want to poach.

206. That's what this was all about.

207. Were you even listening to what I was saying?

208. - It's interesting, because when they were young,

209. it was Loraine who wanted to be the geologist,

210. and Edwin who wanted to be the lawyer.

211. - Wow, well, a lot can change over 30 years.

212. - Oh, look, they have the same beverage rep we do.

213. You know, that's funny, I always thought his district

214. went west from the store, and not east.

215. But what do you know? East.

216. I love your stories.

217. - Aww.

218. - You know what, I actually have to talk to that guy.

219. - No, it can't.

220. You know how I am with beverages.

221. Excuse me.

222. - She's coo-coo for liquids.

223. - Hi, hey, excuse me, uh, my name is Amy.

224. I work at Cloud 9, I'm on a terrible date

225. with a grandfather, so I just need to look like I'm talking

226. to you about some business. Can you help me?

227. - Yeah, should I just nod a lot,

228. like you're saying something really important?

229. - Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Nodding would be great.

230. - Wow, that's a very insightful point you're making

231. about the uh, beverages.

232. - Um, and now, I am pointing,

233. because we are in a disagreement.

234. - Oof, she is really laying into him.

235. Sorry, Walter, she can be a bit of a handful.

236. - Exactly, exactly.

237. - Oh, yeah, and that goes right here.

238. Yeah, great.

239. - Still don't understand why Glenn wants

240. a living room display set up in the middle of everything.

241. - I don't know, the guy's falling apart.

242. Okay, well.

243. This still works for me.

244. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's Sunday, we're relaxing.

245. - Yeah. - Wait.

246. - Where am I putting my coffee? - Uh, well,

247. I'm just spitballing here, but maybe the coffee table?

248. - Yeah, but then I'm always leaning over to get the coffee.

249. You know? And then, if I want to

250. - put my feet up, I kick it over. - Right.

251. - We're going to need an end table right here.

252. - Okay, good, yeah, we will get an end table.

253. - Well, you can't just get one end table.

254. You need another one to match for the other side.

255. - Mm-hmm, uh, well then, two end tables coming up.

256. - Do we have enough seating for game night?

257. - I'm on it.

258. - Oh, this is a pleasant surprise.

259. - Not now, Mateo.

260. - Attention, everyone.

261. Who here would like to come with me,

262. and join the Target family?

263. - No, no, no, you leave my people alone.

264. I told you, if I want

265. - your people, I'll take them. - You hate most of the people

266. who work here. You talk about it all the time.

267. - Yes, I'm mainly doing it out of spite.

268. - Who wants to join? - No one wants to join you!

269. We're loyal to Cloud 9 here. Nobody likes Target.

270. - I love Target.

271. - I like to call it "Tarzhay," like it's fancy.

272. - Listen, Target is a better store.

273. It's clearer, it's more fun. - ♪ Cantaloupe on fence post

274. They treat their people better. - ♪ Flapjacks on the table

275. - They're better customers. - ♪ Grandpa singing a yarn

276. - They have a better location.

277. it's generally just a very cool store.

278. - Good arguments on both sides.

279. Why don't we all just go home, and think about it overnight?

280. - I'll go with you, Jeff.

281. And I promise to keep it professional.

282. - Well, technically, it was always professional,

283. except for in your, you know what, whatever, fine.

284. - Sandra, he doesn't really want you.

285. He's just upset because Garrett wouldn't go with him.

286. - Yeah, that's right. - And I'm staying, Jeff.

287. - So, sorry. - Ha, you just lost Garrett.

288. - Enjoy your Garrett-less store. - Fine.

289. - He's incompetent, anyhow. - Hold up, I'm not incompetent.

290. - I just don't try. - Get out of my store.

291. - You are banned from Cloud 9. - Are you—

292. - Stop pushing me, Glenn. - No, I'm throwing you,

293. - take that, ow! - Oh!

294. - Yeah, don't, hey, this is abuse!

295. Call a cop!

296. You know we're

297. - short staffed up front, right? - Oh, uh,

298. Glenn asked us to put together a living room display, so...

299. He said it was a priority.

300. - Glenn asked you to do a display?

301. Why would he ask you and not me?

302. - I don't know.

303. - He just did. - Yeah.

304. - You don't think Glenn's mad at me because of Jeff, do you?

305. - Oh... - Yeah.

306. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's probably it.

307. - A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, I.

308. - Your improv skills are really impressive.

309. - Thank you.

310. You sure you're not into him?

311. - He seems wise. - Ah.

312. - Like the kind of guy that has a lot of information

313. - about the early days of cars. - Oh, ha, okay.

314. You've got jokes. Well,

315. I am upset about how much movie tickets cost me these days,

316. so maybe I could take advantage of his senior discount.

317. - Well, if you're not going to go for him,

318. I might take a shot.

319. - Don't laugh, they're watching.

320. - Um, what do we talk about now?

321. - If Jeff is going to pooch our people,

322. well I say let's see how he likes it when we pooch his.

323. - Yeah, I'll show him how incompetent I am

324. at taking his employees.

325. - Well, Jeff said that I was being incompetent,

326. so it was kind of like wordplay.

327. Man, never mind, sorry. Forcing it.

328. - All right, well, let's see who's going

329. to want to leave this dump.

330. Wow, it's really nice in here.

331. Wow, the red's so lively. It really pops.

332. - I just don't understand how someone can hate the sun.

333. - Well, I mean, no, I don't hate the sun.

334. I just find it really annoying. I do hate the beach, though.

335. Because my parents took me

336. on this god-awful trip to the Gulf Coast—

337. - Come on, you are missing the whole date.

338. And we are on a time crunch. Walter can't drive at night.

339. - Right, sure. - So, um, next time,

340. less diet, more regular. Got it?

341. - Got it, got it, I don't know why it took me so long

342. to understand that very simple point.

343. - You're welcome, now let's get back to the table.

344. Walter ordered you two puddings.

345. - Does it...

346. - Does it feel cramped? - Yes, yes it does

347. feel cramped. I mean, we have, like,

348. five ottomans, a million chairs,

349. a steamer trunk. I mean, there's wicker balls.

350. You brought in a mannequin for some reason.

351. - That's supposed to represent a guest.

352. Do you want to move in together, or not?

353. - Of course I do. - I'm the one who suggested it.

354. - Right, but is it because you wanted to,

355. or because you felt bad about the Amy stuff?

356. Because, if so, you know, that's, that's dumb.

357. - You could have mentioned this to me

358. before we brought in the entire furniture department.

359. - Well.

360. Earl did most of the work.

361. - Did you know that Cloud 9 employees

362. get a 5% discount on anything in the store?

363. - Cool, ours is actually higher than that.

364. - Well, yeah, but if you worked there,

365. you'd have a shorter commute.

366. - Um, you don't know where I live.

367. - Well, you can tell me on your first day, then.

368. How would you like to work at the Cloud 9 on Ozark Highlands?

369. Heavenly shopping, down to Earth prices?

370. - Isn't that the store where they found a foot?

371. - Yeah, it's one of the Cloud 9 stores

372. where a foot was found, yes.

373. - Welcome aboard. - Yeah.

374. - Look, I know that they pay you more here at Target,

375. but there are some things that you can't put a price on.

376. - Making it rain! - Like that.

377. Can't put a price on that.

378. Except he kissed Amy

379. during the tornado, and Carol hates Sandra,

380. because she stole Jerry.

381. Of course, everybody hates Justine.

382. - Consider yourself poached. - You got poached!

383. - No, I'm going to stay here, because—

384. - Yeah, I'm going to stay. - Yeah, I think you're coming.

385. - You got poached! - No.

386. - Hey, excuse me, miss.

387. - Hi, Glenn.

388. - Sup, Cheyenne.

389. Are you like, undercover?

390. - Are you spying? - No, I work here.

391. - Part time. - Okay, look, I know that's

392. not true, because I've seen you work at Cloud 9 part time.

393. - Well yeah, this is where I work

394. with the other part of my time.

395. It's just been for the last few months,

396. just to make some extra money for college.

397. - If you needed a raise, why didn't you come see me?

398. I mean, I have a discretionary fund.

399. - Dude, I need a raise. - Not now, Garrett.

400. - It's not just about the money.

401. There are other perks. Like, Harmonica

402. gets to go to this really cushy day care place.

403. They never have fires there.

404. - Oh, come on. - They must have some fires.

405. - Nope, not one. - I checked.

406. - Whoa.

407. Every time you stock bread, don't you just

408. want to squish it as hard as you can?

409. - Honestly, yeah.

410. - I thought I was a werido. - I just think it would be,

411. just like, just so satisfying.

412. - I'm going to do it.

413. - What, no, no. - I'm doing it right now.

414. - No, you're doing it right now?

415. - Yes, I am.

416. - Does it feel good? - It feels great.

417. - Oh, it looks so good. - You should try it.

418. - Oh, I couldn't. - Do it.

419. - I can't. - Do it.

420. - I'm doing it. - You're doing it.

421. - Oh, it feels real good.

422. - Smack it,

423. - and see what happens. - No, don't—

424. - It comes apart.

425. It's a— - Let's move in together.

426. - Jonah, you don't have to— - No, I mean it, I mean it.

427. I want to. I would like to live with you.

428. - I, literally, I just told that guy

429. that he could move in with me.

430. - Mm-hmm.

431. - I knew it, I always lose out to that guy.

432. - Hey, this is nice.

433. - Well, I'm trying to get back on Glenn's good side.

434. I love the fact that you quit your job for me,

435. but I just wish you hadn't told everyone

436. - that you got a job at Target. - I just couldn't...

437. Admit to everybody around here that I'm unemployed.

438. I mean, people think of me as this powerful guy

439. who's got it all going on, and I just don't want

440. to let everybody down.

441. - No, but um, I'm in the mix.

442. - Cool.

443. I got to go find Glenn.

444. - We might as well accept, we work in an inferior store.

445. With inferior benefits.

446. And inferior popcorn.

447. - We don't even have popcorn. - Oh, shut up.

448. - Hey, sorry, you can't eat food on the display furniture.

449. - Oh, hey, Owen, it's okay. - These are my Cloud 9 friends.

450. - Well, Cloud 9 friend and boss. - Oh, this is Glenn.

451. - Of course I do.

452. - Oh, I'm just so surprised.

453. Just that, she never talks about you guys at all.

454. Not at all. I mean, I didn't even know

455. she worked here until today.

456. - Okay. - Hey, Owen,

457. does she ever talk about me? I'm Garrett.

458. - Yeah.

459. - Hey, what do you think of Jeff?

460. Exactly, Jeff who.

461. - So I just got a text from Hank.

462. - Apparently, Walter is into you. - Oh, cool.

463. - Yeah, he thinks you had a great connection.

464. I knew you two would hit it off.

465. Anyway, he wants you to give him a call,

466. but if you get his voicemail, don't leave a message

467. because he doesn't know how to retrieve them.

468. Meanwhile, Hank and I are meeting up again tonight.

469. Do you want me to describe the sex to you tomorrow,

470. or show you a QuickTime?

471. - Uh, yeah, no, that sounds great.

472. I'll send you a file.

473. - Hey. - Hey, hey.

474. - Oh, um,

475. - your store is on my route. - Yeah, no, I know,

476. but don't we usually get deliveries on Tuesdays?

477. - Um, that is 100 percent true. - But, uh, my boss called,

478. and he said hey, can you switch things up

479. - and go by there today. - Oh.

480. - And, you know, he's my boss, so.

481. - So.

482. - Here I am.

483. - Here you are.