1. - This never gets old.Copy !req
2. - Because this job is
incredibly boring.Copy !req
3. - So, Kelly, do you,
like, hate Amy now?Copy !req
4. No.Copy !req
5. This was before I even
started working here...Copy !req
6. - Yes.
- And—and it was just a kiss.Copy !req
7. - Yes, exactly.
- Thank you, Kelly.Copy !req
8. - Uh-oh...Copy !req
9. looks like we got ourselves
a catfight.Copy !req
10. Amy frenched her man,Copy !req
11. and now they're gonna
throw down.Copy !req
12. - How did you get there from—Copy !req
13. - So, then I go,
"I'm undocumented,"Copy !req
14. and then Jeff goes,
"That's why you dumped me?"Copy !req
15. And I go, "Yeah,"
and he goes, "Whoa,"Copy !req
16. and I go, "Mm-hmm."Copy !req
17. - He was... weird.Copy !req
18. He said he didn't know
what to do and he just left.Copy !req
19. I mean, what if he hates me?Copy !req
20. - He doesn't hate you.
- He might.Copy !req
21. For all I know,
he's reported me by now.Copy !req
22. - I'm sure he didn't.
- If he did, then,Copy !req
23. you know,
a bunch of guys in uniformCopy !req
24. would've busted in here by now
all like,Copy !req
25. "Everyone, down on the ground!Copy !req
26. Black-bag that guy
and throw him in the van."Copy !req
27. Soldiers would pop
out of the ceiling,Copy !req
28. and just start
pounding on you,Copy !req
29. like, knee to the face,
knee to the head,Copy !req
30. crotch-punch, crotch-punch!Copy !req
31. And then, you'd probably
get sent to Guantanamo.Copy !req
32. - Uh-huh.Copy !req
33. Probably.Copy !req
34. - They're right here.
- Shut up, Corey.Copy !req
35. You know I have the power
to fire you.Copy !req
36. - I don't know.Copy !req
37. I'm just so annoyed
with everybodyCopy !req
38. and this stupid video.Copy !req
39. - It'll pass.Copy !req
40. You remember Robin
with that whole sexting thing?Copy !req
41. Nobody even mentions it
anymore.Copy !req
42. - Robin killed himself.Copy !req
43. - Oh...Copy !req
44. - Still, though.
- Uh-oh.Copy !req
45. Back to the scene of the crime,
you guys.Copy !req
46. That's porn music,
it's not "Seinfeld."Copy !req
47. - We get it. Point taken.Copy !req
48. - Yeah, you really zinged us.
- You really zinged each other.Copy !req
49. You should write
for Craig Ferguson.Copy !req
50. - Just ignore it.
- That's what I'm doing.Copy !req
51. - You guys looking
for the condoms?Copy !req
52. - Corey already said that.Copy !req
53. - Hey, Corey,
you stole my condom joke.Copy !req
54. - I just keep thinking aboutCopy !req
55. Jonah and Amy
kissing each other.Copy !req
56. - Okay...
are you imaginingCopy !req
57. that you're the Jonah
or you're the Amy?Copy !req
58. No.
I mean, Amy was married.Copy !req
59. I thought they were
both good people,Copy !req
60. and then—and then they—Copy !req
61. they still wound up
committing adultery.Copy !req
62. - I don't know
why you're so shocked.Copy !req
63. People are basically
just monstersCopy !req
64. hiding behind the thin veneer
of social convention.Copy !req
65. - Oh, come on.
- I mean, uh, yeah, sure,Copy !req
66. there's a few Naughty Nathans
out there,Copy !req
67. but most people
are basically good.Copy !req
68. - I watch security footageCopy !req
69. of people who don't know
they're on camera.Copy !req
70. Do you have any idea
how many customersCopy !req
71. have taken poops
on the floor of the storeCopy !req
72. because they think
they're alone?Copy !req
73. - I don't wanna know!Copy !req
74. - Is it zero?
- 17.Copy !req
75. - Well, that's on me
for asking.Copy !req
76. - People are monsters.Copy !req
77. Take away the threat
of punishment,Copy !req
78. and you'd be horrified by
what people admitted to doing.Copy !req
79. One of you has committed
a serious malfeasance,Copy !req
80. and I'm not talking
about Amy's adultery.Copy !req
81. - All right,
"adultery" is a strong word.Copy !req
82. - Heck yeah it is.Copy !req
83. - What I'm talking about
is something else.Copy !req
84. This is a fireable offense.Copy !req
85. - However, we're giving
that person one chance.Copy !req
86. You come forward today,
admit what you did,Copy !req
87. and we will forget everything.Copy !req
88. - Okay, but how do we know
if the thing that we didCopy !req
89. is the thing
you're talking about?Copy !req
90. - That's why anyone
who comes to us todayCopy !req
91. and admits to doing
something wrongCopy !req
92. will be granted full amnesty.Copy !req
93. - How do we know
if you tell you something,Copy !req
94. you're not gonna,
you know, call CorporateCopy !req
95. - or the government or something?
- Yeah, sounds like a trap.Copy !req
96. - No, I promise,
you will not be punished,Copy !req
97. I swear on the—
on the grave of my father.Copy !req
98. - I swear on my birds.Copy !req
99. - Okay.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
100. - She does love birds.
- Yeah.Copy !req
101. - What do you think
someone did?Copy !req
102. - I don't know.Copy !req
103. - Still don't know.
- When do you think it even—Copy !req
104. - I don't have any more
information than you do.Copy !req
105. - Man, I just wish I had knownCopy !req
106. that they were
giving out amnesty.Copy !req
107. I would've broken a rule.Copy !req
108. - Hold on a second...Copy !req
109. we have till the end of the day
to confess, right?Copy !req
110. - Yeah.Copy !req
111. - I think we may have stumbled
onto a "Purge"-type situation.Copy !req
112. We can break one rule today
with no consequences.Copy !req
113. - Oh... like,
we could wear hats.Copy !req
114. That's against dress code.Copy !req
115. - Okay, so you could do
anything you want,Copy !req
116. and you wanna waste it
on a hat?Copy !req
117. - Okay, um...
how 'bout we steal a boat?Copy !req
118. - Well, we don't sell boats,Copy !req
119. but I like that
you're thinking bigger.Copy !req
120. - Right.Copy !req
121. Also, I just remembered,
I get kinda seasick,Copy !req
122. so the boat thing is
definitely a no-go.Copy !req
123. - Okay, well, we were never
gonna do the boat thing,Copy !req
124. - but cool.
- Okay.Copy !req
125. - Hey, Jeff, um, third call.Copy !req
126. Just still really wanting
to see how you were feelingCopy !req
127. about the whole
undocumented thing,Copy !req
128. or if you're mad at me or not,Copy !req
129. of if you told anyone
or didn't,Copy !req
130. or would or wouldn't.Copy !req
131. I—Copy !req
132. Sorry, this weird lady's
looking at me.Copy !req
133. - Well, it's been over an hourCopy !req
134. and not one employee
has confessed,Copy !req
135. and I found a dollar
on the floor,Copy !req
136. so eat peas.Copy !req
137. It's all cryptocurrency now,
ya dino.Copy !req
138. - Can someone please
open a register?Copy !req
139. I have kind of
a shrimp emergency.Copy !req
140. - All the registers
should be open.Copy !req
141. - Well, I'm not being dramatic.Copy !req
142. My wife is gonna murder me.Copy !req
143. - All right,
let's all take a number.Copy !req
144. We're gonna get to everyone.Copy !req
145. - So, um, I might have
done something wrong,Copy !req
146. but, um, I'm not sureCopy !req
147. if it's the same thing
you guys are talking about.Copy !req
148. - Well, why don't you just
tell us what it is?Copy !req
149. - Then we'll tell you
if your thingCopy !req
150. is the same thing
we're talking about.Copy !req
151. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, or, uh...Copy !req
152. why don't you tell me
your thing first,Copy !req
153. then I'll say if it's
the same thing as... my thing?Copy !req
154. I mean, that sounds
better to me.Copy !req
155. - How 'bout this, you tell us
the first letter of your thing,Copy !req
156. and then we'll know
if we're on the same page.Copy !req
157. - Okay, fine.Copy !req
158. - Um, the letter "U"?
- Yes, "U."Copy !req
159. The thing we know about
also starts with "U."Copy !req
160. - Okay, now give me
the second letter,Copy !req
161. and then we can just
go back and forth.Copy !req
162. - Just tell us what you know!
- You tell me what you know!Copy !req
163. - Utah!Copy !req
164. - Eating my lunch.Copy !req
165. Trying to stay away
from all the looksCopy !req
166. - and the comments and...
- Yeah.Copy !req
167. - Kinda tired of telling people
to mind their own business.Copy !req
168. - So, I know this may
come as a surprise,Copy !req
169. but I actually got teased a lot
in middle school.Copy !req
170. No.Copy !req
171. - Yeah, I don't know
if it was the rattailCopy !req
172. or the eighth grade talent showCopy !req
173. where I did
a Bossa Nova renditionCopy !req
174. of "Material Girl"
on alto sax...Copy !req
175. - That. It was that.Copy !req
176. - But the moment
I stopped fighting itCopy !req
177. and—and actually just
laughed along with them,Copy !req
178. - it wasn't fun for them anymore.
- Mm.Copy !req
179. - They started teasing
this fat kid instead,Copy !req
180. which, long story short,
he's a male model now.Copy !req
181. - Wow. You're really
the hero of that story.Copy !req
182. - I guess so.Copy !req
183. - Uh-oh, hope I'm not
interrupting anything.Copy !req
184. - Sex.Copy !req
185. - No, it's not.Copy !req
186. I think you mean this.Copy !req
187. - Yeah, there you go.Copy !req
188. - Oh...Copy !req
189. - This is nice.Copy !req
190. - Okay, so, I'm the oneCopy !req
191. who's been stealing
the shopping carts,Copy !req
192. uh, but they're not for me.Copy !req
193. I give 'em to the homeless.Copy !req
194. - Tha—that's not too bad!
- I just give 'em the carts.Copy !req
195. They do the battling
on their own.Copy !req
196. Battling?Copy !req
197. - I've been smoking weed
in the stock roomCopy !req
198. on Wednesdays and Fridays.Copy !req
199. - Right under our noses.
- How awful.Copy !req
200. - And on Mondays and Thursdays,
I just drink.Copy !req
201. And on Saturdays,Copy !req
202. I go to the Cinnabon
and go nuts.Copy !req
203. It's so good.Copy !req
204. - I stole a pack of
Sour Cherry Bubblicious.Copy !req
205. - Well, that's not too bad.
- I liked the Sour Cherry,Copy !req
206. because it reminded me of
a Jollytime Zabra-Dabra.Copy !req
207. My uncle Frank worked
for the Jollytime Factory.Copy !req
208. - It's this new web series
thing I'm working on.Copy !req
209. The elevator pitch is
bum fights on crack.Copy !req
210. - So, you know how me
and Carol hate each other—Copy !req
211. well, I hate her.
Actually, she looks up to me.Copy !req
212. Anyway, I paid four different
guys to come into the storeCopy !req
213. and ask her out
and then never show up.Copy !req
214. - Nice.Copy !req
215. - I've been doing things
to Sandra's lunch.Copy !req
216. - An electrical spark
at the factoryCopy !req
217. ignited the corn starch,Copy !req
218. causing a big explosion
on the third floor—Copy !req
219. maybe it was the fourth floor.Copy !req
220. - What floor did
Uncle Frank work on?Copy !req
221. - The fourth floor!
- No!Copy !req
222. - Oh, gosh.
- Yes.Copy !req
223. - So, you film homeless peopleCopy !req
224. smashing each other
with our carts?Copy !req
225. - Sometimes, I'll just
give one of 'em a cartCopy !req
226. and the other a stick
or a trashcan lid.Copy !req
227. It's barbaric.Copy !req
228. - What is happening
in this store?Copy !req
229. - Aw, it's not just this store,
it's the whole world.Copy !req
230. Now, you just keep
that same face right there...Copy !req
231. - That is going on my wallCopy !req
232. right next to the picture of me
with the guy who played Balki.Copy !req
233. - Bronson Pinchot.Copy !req
234. - I don't know
what you're saying to me.Copy !req
235. - There's that hat rule:
"not allowed."Copy !req
236. - Okay, we're not
just hatting this.Copy !req
237. There has to be something
in-between maiming someoneCopy !req
238. and putting on a fedora.Copy !req
239. - "Employees should avoid
discussing racial issues,Copy !req
240. "including positive comments
such as,Copy !req
241. "'I for one am proud of
this Mexican's achievements.'"Copy !req
242. - Most of this stuff
is stuff I don't wanna doCopy !req
243. or doesn't even apply.Copy !req
244. "A female employee's skirt
shall start below the knee,Copy !req
245. and her bosom shall be
fully covered"?Copy !req
246. - Yeah.Copy !req
247. - Most days,
I don't even wear underwear,Copy !req
248. mainly 'cause mentioning that
gets me free donutsCopy !req
249. from whoever's working café.Copy !req
250. - Couldn't you just
lie about that?Copy !req
251. - They would know.Copy !req
252. I would know.Copy !req
253. Guy trouble is not fun.Copy !req
254. - Oh, uh, yeah, thanks,Copy !req
255. but Jonah and I are—
we're totally fine.Copy !req
256. - Oh, that's great.Copy !req
257. Well, I just want you to know
I have your back.Copy !req
258. - That's really sweet.Copy !req
259. - Should we do something
to Amy's car?Copy !req
260. - Or wait...
she has a daughter, right?Copy !req
261. Oh, she loves that daughter.Copy !req
262. - Yeah, I—I like
her daughter too.Copy !req
263. - It's always gonna be
people like usCopy !req
264. against the Amy's
and the Sandra's of the world.Copy !req
265. We're the same.
You and I are the same.Copy !req
266. - Careful.
- Oh—Copy !req
267. - Oh, hey.Copy !req
268. Do you guys want us to
leave you alone with this bed?Copy !req
269. Yeah?Copy !req
270. - Um, you know what,
Corey, yes.Copy !req
271. Could you hit the lights
on your way out?Copy !req
272. 'Cause we were just
about to have a nooner.Copy !req
273. - Yeah, unless, you know,
anybody wants to stick aroundCopy !req
274. and—and film all the banging
that we're gonna do.Copy !req
275. - That's a good idea.Copy !req
276. - They said they were gonna bang.
- Admitted it.Copy !req
277. - Oh, yeah,
bangin' and proud of it.Copy !req
278. Watch out, Cloud 9's about
to get real hot up in here!Copy !req
279. - Uh-oh!
- Uh-oh!Copy !req
280. - It's not fun
when you're into it.Copy !req
281. - Come on, you guys,
you're being annoying now.Copy !req
282. - You know,
what's annoying is being aroundCopy !req
283. this hottie all day longCopy !req
284. and just not getting
to make out.Copy !req
285. - You know, it's like
our lips are magnets.Copy !req
286. Every time we see each other,
it's like, "Hi, Jonah..."Copy !req
287. - "Whoa-oh-oh, oh, my God,
can't control my lips.Copy !req
288. Uh
- "Uh-oh! Watch out!"Copy !req
289. - That—that was an accident...Copy !req
290. - We didn't mean to do that.
- But you—yeah.Copy !req
291. Yeah, because
you were going in...Copy !req
292. - Guys, something
just happened!Copy !req
293. - But we didn't actually kiss.Copy !req
294. The whole thing just got
blown out of proportion.Copy !req
295. - But your lips were
touching her lips—Copy !req
296. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it—
it'sCopy !req
297. If—if—if you're giving
someone CPR,Copy !req
298. are you kissing them?Copy !req
299. - No, no, look, we were just
pretending we wanted to kiss,Copy !req
300. okay, so that people would stop
saying we wanted to kiss.Copy !req
301. That sounds stupid.Copy !req
302. [instrumental cover of
aCopy !req
303. I mean... seriously?Copy !req
304. - This is all Sandra.Copy !req
305. - I'm taking
a Learning Annex course.Copy !req
306. - It's impressive.Copy !req
307. - Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.Copy !req
308. - Uh, Glenn,
before we get started,Copy !req
309. I just wanted to say
that I'm wearing a hat,Copy !req
310. which I know is
against the rules.Copy !req
311. - And boom! Amnesty.
- Ok—okay.Copy !req
312. Uh, as you all know,
from time to time,Copy !req
313. we have a guest speaker...Copy !req
314. - We've literally
never done that.Copy !req
315. - So... I would like to
introduce you to Pastor Craig.Copy !req
316. - You know the rules
about religion at work.Copy !req
317. - And I get amnesty today,Copy !req
318. so why don't you go
kiss a table?Copy !req
319. There is something wrong
with the soulsCopy !req
320. - of the people who work here...
- Amen.Copy !req
321. - And I am not just
gonna stand backCopy !req
322. and let this place become
Times Square, New York City!Copy !req
323. - Hallelujah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
324. - Pastor Craig?
- Mm.Copy !req
325. - They're all yours.
- All right.Copy !req
326. Hmm...Copy !req
327. What are you doing to us?Copy !req
328. Stop it!Copy !req
329. - Justine.Copy !req
330. - Well, Justine...Copy !req
331. I love you.Copy !req
332. - I love you too.Copy !req
333. And I don't care
what you've done.Copy !req
334. God hates the sin,Copy !req
335. but he loves the sinner.Copy !req
336. - Sandra...Copy !req
337. Who is Sandra? Where is, uh...Copy !req
338. All right.Copy !req
339. Now, Sandra, it—it says hereCopy !req
340. that you wanna kill
a coworker named Carol.Copy !req
341. - Yeah.Copy !req
342. - Oh. Oh, Sandra, I understand.Copy !req
343. When I'm frustrated,
I wanna wring someone's neck.Copy !req
344. - Exactly. Wring it hard.Copy !req
345. What do you do when that
feeling comes over you?Copy !req
346. - Well, I... put on a hoodie
that covers my face.Copy !req
347. Then I take the 47 bus lineCopy !req
348. to a library
in a far-away town.Copy !req
349. Then I open a private browser
on one of their computers,Copy !req
350. and Google how I'm thinking
of killing herCopy !req
351. to see what mistakes
people usually make.Copy !req
352. - Jesus.Copy !req
353. All right,
everybody blow it out.Copy !req
354. Come on, blow it out.Copy !req
355. - Blow out the sin!Copy !req
356. Blow it on out.
Blow it on out.Copy !req
357. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
you feel that?Copy !req
358. I think it just got
a little lighter in here.Copy !req
359. - I felt it, big time.Copy !req
360. - Hallelujah.Copy !req
361. So, keep breathing,
blow out those sins,Copy !req
362. and forgive yourself.Copy !req
363. All right, Amen.Copy !req
364. All right, so,
I think, we're good here.Copy !req
365. Uh, do you guys sell those
tire air-pressure tester—Copy !req
366. what do you call those things,
the small—Copy !req
367. - Tire gauge.Copy !req
368. - Yes, thank you.
- I need a tire gauge.Copy !req
369. - I told ya,
you take away the punishment,Copy !req
370. you find out
what people really are.Copy !req
371. What are you talking about?Copy !req
372. - There was no
fireable offense.Copy !req
373. Dina said that
people were monsters,Copy !req
374. and as a Christian, I wanted
to prove that they weren't.Copy !req
375. - Actually,
we Christians believeCopy !req
376. that all people are sinners.Copy !req
377. It's, uh—it's kind of
our whole thing.Copy !req
378. - So, wait,
Jeff didn't say anything?Copy !req
379. What would
Jeff have said?Copy !req
380. I don't know, he's a liar.Copy !req
381. I mean, he's always
lying about stuff, so...Copy !req
382. - But Dina was right.Copy !req
383. We are all monsters,Copy !req
384. who love to watch bum fightsCopy !req
385. or put gross stuff
in each other's lunches.Copy !req
386. - Oh, I know that Carol
messes with my lunch.Copy !req
387. That's why I always
make a decoy lunch.Copy !req
388. - You don't think I know
about the decoy lunch?Copy !req
389. - And even Amy and Jonah—
you had an affair.Copy !req
390. - Glenn, it wasn't an affair,
it was one kiss,Copy !req
391. and it happened because we
thought we were about to die.Copy !req
392. - We all thought
we were gonna die.Copy !req
393. You didn't see me smooching the
first lady person I could find.Copy !req
394. - Weren't you praying to Allah
the whole time?Copy !req
395. - Yes.
- Oh.Copy !req
396. - What—no, I didn't—
- Glenn...Copy !req
397. I am not
the one on trial here.Copy !req
398. - You know what,
nobody's on trial, okay?Copy !req
399. - Nobody.
- We all make mistakes.Copy !req
400. We all have lust in our hearts.Copy !req
401. - That wasn't lust.
- I wouldn't say lust.Copy !req
402. - Well, I'm sorry, I don't know
you guys that well.Copy !req
403. Maybe you're in love then.Copy !req
404. - No. We're not in love.
- No, definitely not love.Copy !req
405. - So you say,Copy !req
406. but Lord, I'm sensing something
going on right here.Copy !req
407. - Y'all feel that?
- Ooh!Copy !req
408. - Right up there.
- Y'all feel that?Copy !req
409. - Something good...
- Great, this again. Woo-hoo.Copy !req
410. - No, uh, actually,
we're—we're dating, so...Copy !req
411. - Oh, uh, tire gauge girl.Copy !req
412. Okay.Copy !req
413. Is it love or lust?Copy !req
414. - All right, guys,
enough is enough.Copy !req
415. - It doesn't matter.Copy !req
416. Even if they were soul mates,
it doesn't make it okay.Copy !req
417. - Look, Amy is not
my soul mate, okay?Copy !req
418. Yes, fine, uh,Copy !req
419. when I first started
working here years ago,Copy !req
420. I—I had a little crush on Amy.Copy !req
421. There, I said it.
OkayCopy !req
422. - Exactly. And at one point,Copy !req
423. I had a crush on Jonah,
and that's all in the past.Copy !req
424. - Exactly.Copy !req
425. Wait, what did—you—
when did you—Copy !req
426. did—what—you—yeah—no.Copy !req
427. Never mind. Doesn't matter,
doesn't matter,Copy !req
428. because if—even if we—Copy !req
429. because it—with the timing
and everything, it's—Copy !req
430. yeah, so, you get it.Copy !req
431. So... stop.Copy !req
432. - He didn't know.Copy !req
433. - No! We never—Copy !req
434. —we've moved on.Copy !req
435. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.Copy !req
436. And, you know—
and—Copy !req
437. anyway, it—it—
it doesn't matter, bec—Copy !req
438. we've—we've all, you know—Copy !req
439. and—and—and besides,
you know, I've—Copy !req
440. I'm with—I've got—
I'm with, um...Copy !req
441. - Kelly.
- I'm with Kelly.Copy !req
442. Yeah, no, I—I—
I know your name, obviously.Copy !req
443. - Guys, this is amazing.
- Yeah.Copy !req
444. - Yeah, I'm generally a cynic,Copy !req
445. but this? Wow.Copy !req
446. - She didn't know
that he didn't know,Copy !req
447. and now he knows
that she knows—Copy !req
448. - So, do you guys think he
should be with Kelly or Amy?Copy !req
449. - I'm kind of Team Amy now.
- Yeah.Copy !req
450. - I'm with you.
- I'm fully shipping them.Copy !req
451. - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
452. - Oh, hey, Ame.Copy !req
453. 'Sup?Copy !req
454. - We're—we're just having
normal workplace conversations.Copy !req
455. - Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
456. - Mm-hmm.
- Sure.Copy !req
457. - Yep. How are you doing
with everything?Copy !req
458. - There it is. You know me.Copy !req
459. Struggling to keep it
in my pants.Copy !req
460. With Jonah roaming
around here somewhere,Copy !req
461. I'm just like,
"Give it to me, Jonah."Copy !req
462. - That's a good one.Copy !req
463. - Yep. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
464. - Yep, gonna go find him nowCopy !req
465. and just, like, do him,
you know?Copy !req
466. Soft lines? More like
hard lines.Copy !req
467. Get it?Copy !req
468. Watching your
world view get shatteredCopy !req
469. has been the highlight
of my year,Copy !req
470. and that includes meeting
that Balki guy.Copy !req
471. - Bronson Pinchot.Copy !req
472. - Hey, guys, I'm taking off.Copy !req
473. let's get this over with.Copy !req
474. Did you make two nuns
fight a prostitute?Copy !req
475. - Broil a child?
- Nah, I didn't do anything.Copy !req
476. I'm very, very sorry to say,Copy !req
477. but, uh, I haven't
broken any rules.Copy !req
478. So, you've never
gotten stoned at workCopy !req
479. or—or hit golf balls
off the checkout?Copy !req
480. You've never taken
a video game home,Copy !req
481. played it, repackaged it,
and put it back on the shelf?Copy !req
482. - No.Copy !req
483. I mean, those are all things
I probably could've done,Copy !req
484. but did not.Copy !req
485. - Garrett...
you little rule follower.Copy !req
486. I found a good one!Copy !req
487. - His ability to delude himselfCopy !req
488. is the only impressive thing
about him.Copy !req
489. - I think I was just
disoriented in the moment,Copy !req
490. but I am not cool
with him kissing my head.Copy !req
491. - Hey.Copy !req
492. - Kelly.
- Uh—yes, I know your—Copy !req
493. Look, uh, I was just flustered,
you know, back there.Copy !req
494. - Yeah, sure.
- Well, it's very flusteringCopy !req
495. when you find out that the girl
you like likes you back.Copy !req
496. everything just got
blown out of proportion.Copy !req
497. - Let me ask you this,Copy !req
498. if—if your crush had timed out
with Amy's crush,Copy !req
499. - would we be together right now?
- Yes.Copy !req
500. - Really.Copy !req
501. Look, I don't want this whole
Amy thing to set us back.Copy !req
502. I wanna—Copy !req
503. I wanna move forward with you.Copy !req
504. Why not?Copy !req
505. I mean, if—if you want to.Copy !req
506. DoCopy !req
507. - Do—well, sure, yeah.Copy !req
508. I mean, I would—yeah.Copy !req
509. - Yeah, great, okay.Copy !req
510. Cool, then we're doing it.
We're—we're living together.Copy !req
511. - All right.Copy !req
512. Chad, it's Mateo.Copy !req
513. Do—I know I've said
some horrible things about youCopy !req
514. in the comments
of your Instagram,Copy !req
515. but, you know,
I can't find Jeff,Copy !req
516. and I've been calling
the office—Copy !req
517. - I quit my job.Copy !req
518. - Uh, Chad,
I'm gonna call you back.Copy !req
519. Uh, probably not, actually.Copy !req
520. Jeff...Copy !req
521. - Sure.Copy !req
522. Nice shirt.Copy !req
523. It's the one Matt Damon woreCopy !req
524. at the end of
"The Bourne Identity."Copy !req
525. That's so cool.Copy !req
526. - Right on.Copy !req
527. I can return it,
if you don't like it.Copy !req