1. Shh.
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2. It's gonna be okay.
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3. What happened?
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4. Jeremy died this morning.
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5. No.
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6. Jeremy died?
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7. Jer... The tall guy?
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8. He was so young.
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9. Oh, I called it.
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10. You can't be
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11. that tall and live.
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12. No.
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13. Not stupid, tall Jeremy.
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14. I wish he'd die.
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15. My bird, Jeremy.
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16. One day he was alive,
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17. and then the next...
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18. I had him since
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19. he was a little...
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20. "Bird"?
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21. Little bird?
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22. She was probably
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23. gonna say, "Little bird."
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24. I'm sure he's in
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25. a better place.
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26. Right, Mateo?
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27. Yeah, I bet he's in
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28. bird heaven.
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29. You think so?
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30. But he was so violent.
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31. Damn, man, I tried
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32. to get it off,
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33. but no one would
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34. cover my shift.
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35. I would've
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36. stayed home,
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37. but Emma needs braces
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38. and they just cut back
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39. on Adam's hours at work,
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40. so, I need the money.
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41. Hey, maybe it
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42. won't be so bad.
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43. Just got to let it happen.
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44. What's going on?
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45. What's today?
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46. Oh, you don't know.
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47. Know... know what?
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48. Know this.
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49. Hmm. Oh.
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50. Thought I heard the music.
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51. Guess I timed it wrong.
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52. It's Color Wars!
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53. Whoo.
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54. What's Color Wars?
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55. Two teams, one gold, one red,
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56. and whoever sells the most
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57. by the end of the day, wins.
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58. Please, I'm not in the mood.
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59. What do we win?
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60. Oh, this year
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61. the winning team gets...
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62. A pizza party!
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63. Sometimes I just want
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64. to get in my car
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65. and drive and drive, drive.
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66. Buckle your seat belt,
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67. because you are about
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68. to experience Cloud 9
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69. as you have never
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70. experienced it before.
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71. Hey, Dina, what you doing
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72. over here in the bleachers?
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73. It's Color Wars.
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74. Do birds go to heaven?
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75. No, they don't have souls.
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76. They just become dirt.
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77. Oh.
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78. Okay?
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79. Okay.
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80. Hey, if it would
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81. cheer you up,
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82. you could help me plan
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83. the pizza party.
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84. What's there to plan?
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85. You're just buying a pizza.
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86. No, that's a pizza dinner.
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87. The word, "Party,"
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88. changes things.
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89. There are
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90. certain expectations.
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91. I mean, I could
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92. do it on my own,
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93. but it'd be way more fun
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94. to do it with you.
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95. All right, I'll help you
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96. with the stupid party.
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97. But wait. Not if you
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98. don't want to.
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99. Well, you've begged me,
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100. so, yeah, I'll help you,
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101. but I got to say,
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102. I've got some
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103. major problems
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104. with your ideas.
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105. You haven't even
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106. heard them yet.
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107. I've heard them for years.
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108. They always suck.
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109. No, they don't.
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110. Which ones?
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111. All right, now,
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112. when you check out,
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113. they're gonna ask you
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114. if you were helped by someone
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115. on the Red Team
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116. or the Gold Team.
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117. This next part's
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118. very important.
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119. I do not care.
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120. No one's into the contest.
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121. I don't think the promise
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122. of pizza has the same effect
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123. it had on us
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124. when we were kids.
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125. It's a pizza party.
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126. Besides, that's not
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127. the only prize.
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128. Everyone on the winning
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129. team gets $100.
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130. What?
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131. Yeah.
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132. Why didn't you
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133. tell us that before?
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134. I was saving it.
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135. I wanted to have a nice
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136. surprise incentive
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137. for the end of the day.
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138. No, you have to tell people
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139. about incentives beforehand.
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140. Oh, okay.
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141. Well, should I tell
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142. people, then?
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143. Should I make
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144. an announcement?
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145. Um, I can.
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146. I can do it.
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147. Each member of the winning
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148. team takes home
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149. $100.
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150. I could really
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151. use that money.
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152. I've been saving up for one
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153. of those 3D ultrasounds
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154. you know, the one
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155. where the baby's all like...
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156. And the best part
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157. is that the Red Team
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158. doesn't even know
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159. about the money.
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160. Jonah?
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161. I'm sorry.
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162. Just... I don't...
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163. I... I am a little
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164. uncomfortable, uh,
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165. pushing people
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166. to buy things that
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167. they don't want or need.
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168. Seriously? Just stop it.
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169. I will kill myself
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170. before I go back to
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171. 2D ultrasound, okay?
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172. I will kill myself.
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173. Withdrawn.
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174. Okay.
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175. Let's stick to departments
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176. that play to our strengths.
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177. Jenny, cosmetics
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178. is not your...
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179. Hey.
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180. Hey!
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181. Guys.
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182. What's up, girl?
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183. Oh, just...
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184. I was putting it in wrong.
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185. Wow. Looks like you guys
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186. are doing pretty good.
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187. What? Oh...
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188. Whatever. Okay.
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189. Looks like somebody's
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190. taking the competition
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191. a little too seriously
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192. all of a sudden.
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193. I can't believe you're even
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194. looking at the board, Garrett.
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195. Well, I wasn't.
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196. I just turned my head,
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197. and my eyeballs went with it.
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198. That's how faces work.
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199. But it looks like you were
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200. studying it pretty closely.
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201. Um, okay, whatever you say.
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202. I'm gonna go chill
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203. in the break room. Lates.
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204. "Lates"?
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205. Hey, Mateo, you notice
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206. anything funny about this?
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207. Big guy, tiny shirt, classic.
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208. I already Instagrammed it.
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209. No, I mean, why is
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210. the Gold Team selling so hard?
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211. I don't know.
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212. Let me do
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213. a little investigating.
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214. Ow, ow, ow.
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215. There's a $100 prize
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216. for the winning team.
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217. Thank you very much.
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218. Obviously, don't have sex
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219. with any of the customers,
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220. but, if a man is
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221. under the impression,
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222. however misguided,
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223. that the more he buys,
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224. the less impossible
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225. it might be
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226. that he could have
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227. sex with you,
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228. well, that's on him.
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229. But, uh, you're a lady,
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230. and I respect you.
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231. Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,
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232. we'd like to
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233. welcome the members
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234. of our Second Chances Program
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235. in the gold T-shirts.
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236. If you'd prefer to work with
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237. someone who hasn't committed
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238. a violent crime,
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239. our red-shirted employees
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240. will be more than happy
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241. to help out.
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242. Yes, the Cloud 9
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243. Second Chances Program,
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244. 'cause knowledge
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245. is worth 100 bucks.
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246. Dina, we have
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247. to prioritize.
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248. We don't need a piñata.
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249. Piñatas are awesome.
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250. You're hitting things,
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251. eating candy, taking turns.
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252. What more do you want?
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253. Our party budget is only $60,
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254. and the tiny clown
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255. alone is $40.
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256. We don't need a tiny clown.
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257. I already agreed to cut
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258. the fat clown, remember?
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259. So pretty soon this party
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260. is gonna have zero clowns.
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261. Is that what you want,
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262. a party with zero clowns?
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263. This one's twice as much,
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264. but it comes with
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265. a built-in bean hopper.
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266. Yeah, I... I doubt
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267. you'd ever use most
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268. of these features.
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269. Are you sure?
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270. 'Cause I'm leaning
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271. toward the expensive one,
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272. and I can't stress enough,
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273. money is no object.
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274. Honestly, unless
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275. you're, like, a barista,
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276. I think you're better off
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277. with just a regular auto drip.
Copy !req
278. All right, I guess
Copy !req
279. I'll spend the difference
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280. on lotto tickets.
Copy !req
281. Although, realistically,
Copy !req
282. what are my chances
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283. of winning twice?
Copy !req
284. Jonah.
Copy !req
285. So the Red Team knows
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286. about the money now,
Copy !req
287. so it's time for the Gold Team
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288. to stop pussy-footing around.
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289. I'm not doing that
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290. with my feet.
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291. I just have trouble
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292. pressuring people
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293. into buying stuff
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294. they don't need.
Copy !req
295. Well, that's selfish.
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296. Actually, I think
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297. it's the opposite of selfish.
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298. Come on, Jonah,
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299. you're better than this.
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300. Look at the Red Team.
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301. Brett just sold a shelf.
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302. Not the items on the shelf
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303. he sold an actual shelf.
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304. Yeah, well, that's Brett.
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305. Guy's a machine.
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306. Okay, look...
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307. Money's a little tight
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308. for me right now.
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309. So maybe $100 doesn't mean
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310. that much to you,
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311. but some of us
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312. could really use it.
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313. So can you please
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314. start selling people
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315. crap they don't need?
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316. Oh, no, no, no.
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317. Believe me that bean hopper
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318. has come in handy
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319. more times
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320. than I can count.
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321. That's what I said.
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322. Gold pride?
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323. Gold pride.
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324. Don't take no for an answer.
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325. And then in blue icing,
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326. have it say,
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327. "Congratulations."
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328. Got that?
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329. No, not,
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330. "Congratulations. Got that?"
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331. Just "Congratulations."
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332. No, I don't want you to write
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333. "Congratulations. Got that?
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334. "No, not
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335. Congratulations. Got that?
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336. "Just Congratulations."
Copy !req
337. What do I do here?
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338. He doesn't know English.
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339. He's just transcribing
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340. phonetically.
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341. Well, what language
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342. does he speak?
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343. You hired him.
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344. That's why,
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345. if it was up to me,
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346. I'd fire half the staff.
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347. No, don't put that
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348. on the cake.
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349. Need some help
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350. with the grill?
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351. Uh, no, no, no, no.
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352. I'm just browsing.
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353. I already got the base model.
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354. Ah.
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355. She's a beaut, huh?
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356. Yeah.
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357. She's a... A real beaut.
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358. Believe me,
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359. I wish I could afford it,
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360. but, I mean,
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361. how much am I gonna really use
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362. a motorized rotisserie burner?
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363. I use mine all the time.
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364. It's... it's gotten me
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365. out of some pretty crazy jams.
Copy !req
366. Are you a...
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367. You a grill guy?
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368. So much.
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369. Okay. Uh, charcoal or gas?
Copy !req
370. If you need to ask,
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371. then you are
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372. not a grill guy.
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373. Yes, exactly. That's good.
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374. Yeah. Yeah.
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375. I should use that
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376. in one of my videos.
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377. Your, uh... What videos?
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378. I do these, these
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379. grilling videos on YouTube.
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380. It's not, it's not
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381. a big deal or anything.
Copy !req
382. Sounds like
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383. a big deal to me.
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384. I got nine subscribers.
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385. What?
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386. I don't even know
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387. three of them.
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388. Wow. Total strangers.
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389. Yeah.
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390. That's, uh...
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391. I guess, then,
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392. one could say
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393. you almost need this.
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394. Yeah, maybe, maybe.
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395. Let me run it by my wife.
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396. I think she's around here
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397. somewhere, and I'll...
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398. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
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399. whoa, whoa, whoa.
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400. Hold on. Come on.
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401. Uh, let's not...
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402. Let's not
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403. bring a lady into this, right?
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404. This is guy stuff.
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405. You know, grills, football,
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406. cars,
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407. porn!
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408. Yeah, I'll just...
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409. I'll, uh, I'll call her.
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410. Yeah, all right.
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411. You think you're a bigger
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412. Minions fan than me?
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413. I don't think so,
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414. 'cause if you were,
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415. you would have
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416. a Minions blanket
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417. and a Minions night-light
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418. and some Minions candy
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419. and this princess thing.
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420. One second.
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421. Hey, babe, what's up?
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422. Uh, yeah, yeah,
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423. I just wanted to run
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424. something by you.
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425. Oh, I'm really busy
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426. right now. Can it wait?
Copy !req
427. Well, I was just at home,
Copy !req
428. and I realized
Copy !req
429. we were out of AA batteries,
Copy !req
430. so I had the...
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431. Oh, AA batteries.
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432. I'll bring some home.
Copy !req
433. Okay, I love you, bye.
Copy !req
434. That was the head Minion,
Copy !req
435. and he told me to tell you
Copy !req
436. to tell your mom
Copy !req
437. to get you a new Xbox.
Copy !req
438. Um...
Copy !req
439. She couldn't talk.
Copy !req
440. Well...
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441. It's, uh, not like
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442. you didn't try, right?
Copy !req
443. Yeah.
Copy !req
444. Huh?
Copy !req
445. Yeah, I tried.
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446. Yeah.
Copy !req
447. Let's do this.
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448. Okay.
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449. Yeah.
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450. All right.
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451. Yeah.
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452. Look out, cookout.
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453. What?
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454. My nana used to say
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455. that all the time.
Copy !req
456. Trust me,
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457. you don't want the RX5.
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458. The Vilano FORZA's
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459. the way to go.
Copy !req
460. The RX5 got
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461. five spokes on RoadPro,
Copy !req
462. and it's half the price.
Copy !req
463. Mmm, okay.
Copy !req
464. What's that mean?
Copy !req
465. Look, man, I used to
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466. own the 5, okay?
Copy !req
467. And it was good.
Copy !req
468. Till the pedals came loose
Copy !req
469. when I was crossing
Copy !req
470. a busy street.
Copy !req
471. Oh, I... Oh, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
472. But, hey, you know what?
Copy !req
473. I like to focus
Copy !req
474. on the positive.
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475. I'll ring you up
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476. for the RX5.
Copy !req
477. Actually...
Copy !req
478. Let's go with the Vilano.
Copy !req
479. Hell, yeah!
Copy !req
480. And let's get you
Copy !req
481. one of these fancy
Copy !req
482. racer helmets too.
Copy !req
483. "I wish I had a better helmet,"
Copy !req
484. was my first full sentence
Copy !req
485. when they taught me
Copy !req
486. how to speak again.
Copy !req
487. The woman is a maid.
Copy !req
488. She needs to do
Copy !req
489. what I tell her to do.
Copy !req
490. How will you be paying?
Copy !req
491. I just said,
Copy !req
492. "You can quit if you want,
Copy !req
493. "but I can call INS
Copy !req
494. if I want."
Copy !req
495. That shut her up.
Copy !req
496. I don't know.
Copy !req
497. Something about her
Copy !req
498. car catching on fire.
Copy !req
499. The point is, she was late.
Copy !req
500. So call an Uber. Exactly.
Copy !req
501. I mean, she walked all the way
Copy !req
502. here from Guatemala,
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503. but she can't make it a couple
Copy !req
504. of miles across town?
Copy !req
505. Place the ribs
Copy !req
506. at a direct heat
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507. and let them cook
Copy !req
508. for almost two hours.
Copy !req
509. I love this.
Copy !req
510. Oh.
Copy !req
511. Yeah.
Copy !req
512. Thanks. Thanks.
Copy !req
513. Yeah, I hate it on
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514. cooking shows
Copy !req
515. how they start a dish
Copy !req
516. and then they cut to later
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517. after it's cooked.
Copy !req
518. Yeah.
Copy !req
519. So all my videos
Copy !req
520. are done in real time.
Copy !req
521. You never see that.
Copy !req
522. You never see that.
Copy !req
523. No, and you know what?
Copy !req
524. This'll be even better
Copy !req
525. in 4K Ultra HD.
Copy !req
526. Huh?
Copy !req
527. Oh, I don't know.
Copy !req
528. That seems like a lot
Copy !req
529. to spend on a hobby.
Copy !req
530. Oh, whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
531. Stop calling this a hobby.
Copy !req
532. This is a career.
Copy !req
533. Yeah?
Copy !req
534. My wife kind of thinks
Copy !req
535. my videos are stupid.
Copy !req
536. Well, no offense, but I kind
Copy !req
537. of think your wife is stupid.
Copy !req
538. Oh, nice. Yeah.
Copy !req
539. But, you know, she probably
Copy !req
540. wouldn't be very happy
Copy !req
541. if I spend any more
Copy !req
542. money right now.
Copy !req
543. Hey, what about
Copy !req
544. what makes you happy?
Copy !req
545. You need to give
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546. yourself permission
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547. to do something for yourself,
Copy !req
548. just for once.
Copy !req
549. That's true. Yeah.
Copy !req
550. Huh?
Copy !req
551. That's true, yes.
Copy !req
552. Yes? Yes to that?
Copy !req
553. Yes. I'm gonna do it.
Copy !req
554. Yes.
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555. Why should she
Copy !req
556. get time off?
Copy !req
557. I don't get time off
Copy !req
558. from being a stepmom.
Copy !req
559. How's it going?
Copy !req
560. Not so great.
Copy !req
561. Brett sold the nacho-cheese
Copy !req
562. dispenser from the cafe.
Copy !req
563. The man knows how to close.
Copy !req
564. How does he do it?
Copy !req
565. I don't know.
Copy !req
566. And you know what?
Copy !req
567. This is not gonna help,
Copy !req
568. but, um, I was this close
Copy !req
569. to making a $1,000 sale,
Copy !req
570. and then I opened
Copy !req
571. my big, fat mouth and
Copy !req
572. talked him into
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573. spending $2,000.
Copy !req
574. Shut up. No way.
Copy !req
575. I did what you said.
Copy !req
576. I did not take no
Copy !req
577. for an answer.
Copy !req
578. Oh, my God.
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579. And every time
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580. I felt bad for the guy,
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581. I just thought, "Hey, look,
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582. "it's either coming out of
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583. his pocket or Amy's."
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584. Yes! Oh, my God,
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585. I love you so much right now.
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586. Um, get back to work.
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587. Okay.
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588. I hate balloons.
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589. Well, we need them.
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590. Balloons are like our souls.
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591. They want to go up,
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592. but can't,
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593. and when you pop them,
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594. they scream.
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595. Okay, I thought we were
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596. throwing this party together,
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597. but, sure, let's only
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598. get things that are
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599. important to Glenn.
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600. God forbid we
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601. splurge on a piñata
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602. for the lady who woke up
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603. to her dead best friend
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604. and then had to
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605. sneak him into her
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606. neighbor's garbage can
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607. before trash pickup.
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608. Okay. You really
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609. want a piñata?
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610. I have an idea.
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611. Oh, who cares?
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612. I have ideas all the time.
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613. "I wish I would've
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614. bought a Vitamix"
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615. was the first thing I said
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616. when I woke up from my coma.
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617. Could save your life, man.
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618. How exactly did a non-Vitamix
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619. blender put you in a coma?
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620. That's a very offensive
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621. question to ask
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622. a disabled person.
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623. Oh, Amy's husband's here.
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624. Oh.
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625. Wow. That is not what I...
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626. So is he, like a...
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627. Like, a really funny guy
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628. or a musician or something?
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629. I don't think so.
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630. I think he makes grill videos.
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631. Oh, no.
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632. No, no, no, no.
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633. And then,
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634. we just fill it up
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635. again with candy.
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636. Yeah, I know
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637. how a piñata works.
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638. Thanks. This was a good idea.
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639. Aw!
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640. Hey, this stuffing
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641. looks like clouds.
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642. We could use this as, uh,
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643. decorations for the party.
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644. Cloud 9!
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645. Look at us
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646. working together,
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647. riffing off
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648. each other's ideas, huh?
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649. It's kind of like jazz,
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650. you know?
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651. Yeah. Yeah, go, go, go.
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652. Xylophone sound.
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653. We're jazzin', we're snazzin'
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654. Hey.
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655. I don't think you should
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656. buy this stuff.
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657. Huh? You just said
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658. that I should.
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659. Yeah, but then I realized,
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660. what if part
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661. of the lightning in the bottle
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662. you were able to capture
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663. in those videos
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664. was actually
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665. the old-school grill, right?
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666. Uh, I don't think
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667. that's true.
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668. Sure, sure.
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669. You know what?
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670. Hey, how about this?
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671. How about this? Uh...
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672. You head out to the car,
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673. and I'm gonna
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674. bring this stuff out to you.
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675. Oh, I still got to
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676. pay for it, so...
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677. It's on me.
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678. What?
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679. I would like to pay
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680. for this, all of it.
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681. What, you mean
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682. you want to, like, invest?
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683. Yeah. Yeah, I do.
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684. I want to get in
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685. on the ground floor.
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686. You know what?
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687. Partners?
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688. Well, what percentage
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689. are we talking?
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690. Ah, you...
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691. Whatever you think is fair.
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692. We can talk
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693. about it later.
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694. No, no, no, no.
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695. I don't think so.
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696. I mean, that's how
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697. people get in trouble.
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698. I could see maybe
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699. going 80-20.
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700. Uh, 80-20 is a deal.
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701. You got yourself a deal.
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702. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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703. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
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704. I just... I'm not sure I want to
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705. give up that kind of equity.
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706. I don't need equity.
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707. I just need you to
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708. get out of here before...
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709. Adam?
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710. That happens.
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711. We can't afford
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712. a grill right now.
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713. But we can afford
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714. for you to take
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715. all the college classes
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716. in the world.
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717. Excuse me?
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718. This is not Adam's fault.
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719. This is my fault.
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720. Jonah, stay out of this.
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721. Those college courses
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722. are gonna help me
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723. make more money for us.
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724. So will the videos.
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725. Jonah's already invested.
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726. I wouldn't use
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727. the word "invested".
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728. We're 90-10 partners.
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729. I thought you said 80-20?
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730. Stop it, Jonah.
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731. For once in my life,
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732. I want to give myself
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733. permission to do
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734. something for myself.
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735. For once in your life, Adam?
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736. Yes.
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737. Come on.
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738. What about
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739. the kickboxing gym?
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740. Yeah.
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741. Or the reggaeton album?
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742. Ooh.
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743. And the homebrewed beer?
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744. Wow. That is so low that
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745. you would bring that up.
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746. That is still aging.
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747. It smells.
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748. Yeah? Jonah says
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749. I have potential.
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750. What about that?
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751. Oh!
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752. Oh, that's what Jonah says?
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753. Tell her.
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754. Um, sorry, ma'am? Uh...
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755. Crock-Pots?
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756. Yes, Crock-Pots
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757. are just over here.
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758. Many hands make for
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759. less work for everyone
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760. Many hands make
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761. for less work for everyone
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762. Teamwork
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763. Oh,
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764. come on, guys, I mean...
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765. So who won?
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766. Gold Team won, Myrtle.
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767. He's told you that,
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768. like, six times.
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769. Victory is sweet.
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770. But you know what?
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771. The real victory
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772. is that we did it together.
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773. Yeah.
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774. Mmm-hmm.
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775. Wait. You're on the Red Team.
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776. I'm on the, "Take One
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777. of Each T-shirt" team.
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778. This feels about right
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779. as the ending to the day.
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780. Yeah.
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781. Is your husband still here?
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782. No, he went home.
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783. He seems nice.
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784. Yeah, he is.
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785. Hey, uh,
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786. I'm really sorry about...
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787. It's not your fault.
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788. So how'd you guys meet?
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789. I don't really want to
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790. talk about my home life.
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791. Got it.
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792. I was in high school,
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793. and he was a football player.
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794. "You hired him. That's why,
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795. if it was up to me,
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796. "I'd fire half the staff.
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797. "No, don't put
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798. that on the cake.
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799. "Glenn, make him stop. See?
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800. "Not so cocky now,
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801. are you, Dina?
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802. "I swear to God,
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803. one of these days,
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804. "I'm going to strangle you.
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805. "I'd like to see...
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806. "You try.
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807. "Is that a threat?
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808. You threatened me."
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809. Is it working?
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