Superstore 1x3

1. All right, I like this.

2. When I say cloud, you say nine. Cloud.

3. - Nine. - Cloud.

4. - Nine. - When I say team, you say work.

5. Team! Team! Work. Work.

6. Are we cloud one? No!

7. Are we cloud two? No!

8. Are we cloud three? No!

9. Are we cloud...

10. This chant seems a little on the long side.

11. Gets longer every year.

12. When I first started here, we would just

13. put our hands in the middle and go, "Yay."

14. No!

15. Are we Cloud 9?

16. Yeah!

17. Yeah!

18. Yeah! The customer's always right.

19. Oh, yeah!

20. - They are not wrong. - Oh, yeah!

21. - And that is why. - Oh, yeah!

22. - We sing this song. - Oh, yeah!

23. We are!

24. Cloud 9.

25. We are Cloud 9.

26. Eight, seven, six, five,

27. four, three, two, one!

28. Blast off!

29. Now give me a "C"!

30. C!

31. Before we open, I need a volunteer

32. to hand out samples of the new

33. Cloud 9 brand salsa, Señor Cloud.

34. Yes, right here. I'll do it.

35. Yes, perfect, and I don't mean

36. just because you're Mexican.

37. I'm actually Filipino.

38. Okay, let's consider all our options.

39. Um, Amy, I've got a feeling this is right up your alley.

40. Because I'm Latina?

41. No, it has nothing to do with race.

42. You just have a certain natural spiciness.

43. No.

44. Okay, you know, fine, I'll just, uh,

45. pick someone at random.

46. Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.

47. Jesus saved us long ago.

48. Don't believe me, what a shame.

49. Judgment day you'll be in flames.

50. - The other Latina? - What?

51. I could do it.

52. That'd be hilarious.

53. You should dress like a matador.

54. Honestly, it's fine.

55. It beats a day of dressing room duty.

56. Thank you. Think fast!

57. Mexico hat!

58. Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,

59. be sure to stop by grocery

60. for a free sample of Señor Cloud salsa.

61. And in pharmacy, get yourself a flu shot,

62. available in medium, mild, ay-yi-yi picante,

63. and I'm almost positive that was written down wrong.

64. Yes, Señor Cloud salsa

65. is very good for parties.

66. And there are so many flavors.

67. She is from Kansas City.

68. Why is she talking like Speedy Gonzales?

69. I should say something to her.

70. Absolutely not.

71. Do not get involved in things that don't concern you.

72. People here are quicksand. They will suck you in.

73. So you're saying never help anyone?

74. I'm saying don't help anyone in this store.

75. Within these walls, helping is quicksand.

76. You know, it's funny that you mention walls.

77. Because that summer that I spent doing Habitat for Humanity,

78. I was literally building...

79. - What? - You know,

80. you find ways to work that into conversation a lot.

81. Mm-hmm.

82. I try not to say words like "hammer"

83. or "roof" when I'm around you.

84. One time you got there from Hugh Laurie.

85. Look, my point is, there are people who do nothing

86. and there are people who do something,

87. and I am one of those people.

88. Hmm.

89. The... the something group.

90. Excuse me.

91. Sir, is there something I can help you with?

92. Really? Uh, wow, yes,

93. uh, thank you so much.

94. Oh, that's great.

95. So, uh, just stack 'em in the pharmacy,

96. and then there's gonna be a few more loads in the trucks.

97. - Oh, there's more? - Oh, so many more.

98. - Okay. - Guess I'm gonna grab a coffee.

99. All right.

100. Have to have the salsa.

101. Sometimes I like the tomatillo

102. with the quesadilla, but not all the time.

103. - I'm gonna say something. - Don't do it.

104. Now, just walk me through some of the features

105. on some of these guys.

106. 'Cause a lot of 'em are saying they do plaque control.

107. My concern, specifically, is tartar.

108. Okay, well, um...

109. I'm a bit of a tartar guy.

110. Yeah, my hygienist told me

111. she'd never seen someone with so much tartar.

112. I thought that was a good thing.

113. Um, it's not.

114. Oh.

115. You know, you and me, we're the same.

116. Mm-hmm. Overachievers.

117. - Yeah. - Yeah, am I tough?

118. Uh, yeah, but I'm a pharmacist.

119. I have to be tough, or people die.

120. They don't pay me what they pay me to slack off.

121. All right, yeah.

122. It's $116,670 a year.

123. Oh, wow.

124. Yeah, so I'm doing pretty well for myself.

125. Well, listen, uh, if you need anything else

126. you know where to find me.

127. Great, so grab some alcohol wipes, bandages,

128. and sterile gauze pads.

129. Bring in the first patient and prep him.

130. Man, we got a long day ahead of us.

131. Hey, you know Glenn's not allowed

132. to ask you to put on that accent, right?

133. I mean, I know he's the manager,

134. but it just means he can use the bathroom

135. without asking anyone.

136. - No, I know that. - I decided on the accent.

137. Oh my God, people love it.

138. Hola, señorita,

139. you want to make your day a fiesta?

140. Sure. Thank you.

141. - See? - Yep, some people love it,

142. and, uh, and some people might find it offensive.

143. Offensive? Like, who?

144. Oh, I don't know...

145. maybe Latino people who would think that

146. you're exploiting your heritage

147. and demeaning yourself.

148. Okay, all right,

149. I don't know who made you Latino police,

150. Amy, but I'm just trying to sell salsa.

151. - No, I am not policing you. - Okay, if you could keep...

152. I'm merely suggesting that maybe you don't need to resort...

153. Hola, señorita! Como estas?

154. Ooh, is that Mexican ketchup?

155. "Jess, es berry" good.

156. You mean, "Yes, it's very good."

157. Oh, don't listen to her.

158. You speak the language beautifully.

159. Gracias, señorita.

160. You want to try something special?

161. This is, cómo Se dice, pineapple.

162. Okay, you know what? Stop.

163. No! You stop.

164. Talk like a normal person!

165. Excuse me, miss, but she is a normal person.

166. That's exactly what I'm saying!

167. Ow! Damn it!

168. Mother, Amy! , aye!

169. What the!

170. - See? Fake accent. - Oh, God!

171. This is what you get when you've got weak joints.

172. That's why I have a dedicated ankle day at the gym.

173. I really am sorry, Carmen.

174. I-I-I feel awful.

175. - Yeah, you should, Amy. - It was none of your business.

176. Well, just to clarify,

177. uh, I feel awful you hurt yourself.

178. I still stand by my comments.

179. Okay, there you go.

180. Oh, and feel free to take a water.

181. I'm an Uber driver in my spare time.

182. I'll put your stuff in your locker for you.

183. And I already clocked out for you,

184. so you're not gonna get paid

185. for any of the time you missed.

186. Don't you worry about that.

187. Are you sure I can't drive her?

188. No, I've been meaning to drop by the hospital anyway.

189. I like staring at the newborn babies

190. until someone asks me to leave.

191. Oh, but I do need someone

192. to take over the Señor Cloud salsa stand.

193. Fine, I'll get somebody else.

194. But it's a real shame, because that sombrero

195. really pops on darker skin.

196. Okay, so do you have any questions

197. about the hydrochlorothiazide?

198. No, uh, could you also ring up

199. a few other things for me, please?

200. Sure, yeah.

201. I have a doctorate in pharmacy,

202. so this is a great use of my time.

203. - I live to serve. - Thank you.

204. Bernice, he said it's fine.

205. Oh, God.

206. One moment.

207. Hey, J-dog, I have to, uh,

208. go do some tranquility lunges,

209. so could you give that guy his shot for me?

210. - Oh, no, I can't. - I'm not a pharmacist.

211. Yeah, and I'm not a clerk,

212. but I guess the world's all topsy-turvy today, isn't it?

213. Just think!

214. I'm just basically looking for an every day brush.

215. Yeah, just kind of that workhorse,

216. you know, that's in the collection.

217. That I can know I'm just gonna

218. put in the minutes with.

219. Señor Cloud salsa...

220. Um, I'll be right back.

221. Uh, excuse me.

222. I have some questions about bristle density.

223. Yes, es bueno por Cinco de Mayo,

224. y quinceañeras, la biblioteca.

225. Hola.

226. Hey, what do you think you're doing?

227. I... I am selling salsa to support mi abuela.

228. My burro has run away.

229. Right, uh, whatever this is, Mateo, I...

230. No Mateo. Soy Jose!

231. Jose was born in a small village near Oaxaca.

232. Okay, I get it.

233. I get it, I get that it's fun

234. to play make believe,

235. but this is offensive.

236. Oh.

237. Like, I am sorry. I will "estop."

238. Yes, please stop.

239. I am trying to.

240. I'm not kidding.

241. - Me neither. - It's like when I "estart"

242. doing the accent I cannot "estop."

243. That's an interesting tattoo.

244. Is that a unicorn?

245. It's a horse

246. with a railroad spike through his head.

247. I see that now.

248. It's not quite as magical, but...

249. - I think it's clean. - Right.

250. Will you just give me the shot already?

251. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

252. The shot which comes out of this needle.

253. Okay, uh, huh.

254. Okay.

255. I think this does something.

256. Should I have a belt?

257. It's a tiny little needle, all right? Just do it!

258. All right, uh, just, uh, you know, breathe.

259. Or count to ten or something like that.

260. And, uh, and away we go.

261. I'm... I'm really sorry.

262. Drink a lot of water.

263. Told you. That's what happens

264. when you try to help people out.

265. - What is that? - What are you doing?

266. That's quicksand.

267. I'm dating this girl. She teaches sign language.

268. This is quicksand, and this is you drowning in it.

269. "Oh, I'm trying to help.

270. I'm building houses for poor people!"

271. Excuse me.

272. Do you know how much longer this is going to take?

273. I don't know how long I can keep standing.

274. Uh...

275. You know what, young lady?

276. I'm sure there's a way that we can help you out.

277. Right this way.

278. Thank you! Such a gentleman.

279. Hey, why does she get to cut?

280. Because white people help their own.

281. It's like I forgot how to "espeak."

282. I cannot stop playing the role.

283. - It's not a role. - It's a stereotype.

284. How would you feel if I was handing out

285. Asian food and I was all like,

286. "Oh, eh, me grow up on a rice patty.

287. "Eh, pwease, it most honorable teriyaki chicken.

288. Uh, so, ching-chong."

289. That would be messed up.

290. Nice work on those spreadsheets, Laquisha.

291. Racism, you hear a lot about it,

292. but what is it, really?

293. Over the next 60 minutes...

294. We are gonna take a journey through time and race.

295. Thanks a lot, guys.

296. When I woke up this morning,

297. I was hoping to learn about racism from a white lady.

298. No matter how good of a dancer Jerome is.

299. I need help with my toothbrush selection.

300. Toothbrushes.

301. You work here?

302. Here's a riddle for you:

303. what do Martin Luther King, Malcolm X,

304. and Nelson Mandela all have in common?

305. They were all prominent African-American leaders.

306. It's okay to goof around, but you should never...

307. So how long you been a racist?

308. Just today. You?

309. Me too.

310. So far it's not really working out for me.

311. - Hmm. - Because when we look

312. past stereotypes, we learn to appreciate

313. all the colors of the cloud.

314. That sounds heavenly.

315. Oh, MC Cool Cloud, you are too much.

316. Too much.

317. I think if there is any takeaway from today, it's this:

318. anyone can be a racist. Anyone.

319. Okay, yes,

320. I should not have done that impression,

321. but I want to be clear that I was not being racist.

322. I was making a comment about racism.

323. Well, yes, personally

324. I'm not a fan of racist comments, so...

325. No, it's not what...

326. I was exaggerating on purpose to make a point.

327. Parody.

328. She was making a joke about racism.

329. Yes!

330. Well, are racist jokes okay again?

331. What?

332. Okay, uh, did you hear the one

333. - about the Jewish bird? - You know what? Never mind.

334. Ooh, fun fact.

335. The dude that voiced MC Cool Cloud

336. committed suicide in 1994.

337. - That's terrible. - That makes sense.

338. We also need to remember

339. that helping people just because they're white

340. is almost as bad as discriminating

341. against them if they're not white.

342. It's exactly as bad.

343. Well, he was still helping.

344. I was helping that lady because she was old,

345. not because she was white.

346. Ageism is just as racist as racism.

347. - That seems untrue. - It is very true, Jonah.

348. Okay, well, I think we can all

349. go back to work, um, unless anyone

350. wants to file an official complaint of racial bias?

351. Sandra?

352. I often feel uncomfortable in the stock room.

353. There's a man there, Sal,

354. who makes comments about my breasts.

355. Yeah, okay, what you're talking about

356. is sexual harassment,

357. and that's a whole other video.

358. Okay.

359. It's just that sometimes he calls me at home.

360. Yeah, we're not gonna watch another video, Sandra.

361. Okay. Sorry.

362. Okay, let's get back out there,

363. and, uh, let's remember,

364. "Color blind is"...

365. "Color kind."

366. Thank you.

367. Amy, could you stick around for a second?

368. Try a free sample of our new salsa, sir?

369. - It's good. - Nope, absolutely not.

370. People are not gonna buy salsa from you

371. unless they think it's authentic.

372. You got to add some "indigenous-ness."

373. You know?

374. Just put a little Vergara on it.

375. You want to buy some salsa?

376. Is for charity!

377. Oh, Jay, thank you for my necklace!

378. No, stop it.

379. I'm not going to put on a fake accent

380. and I'm not gonna make up fake charities.

381. - The charity is real. - Yeah, check it out.

382. All the proceeds go to the La Benevolencia Orphanage

383. in Los Nogales, Mexico.

384. There's a different child on every jar.

385. I think it's a collect 'em all situation.

386. Well, fine, that's great.

387. That's a very worthy cause,

388. but I think my dignity is worth a little bit more

389. than a few bucks for charity.

390. Ah, these are all Juan S's.

391. I've already got that one.

392. Oh, score, Luisa M.!

393. She was born without knees,

394. but she loves to dance.

395. Must be mostly upper body stuff.

396. I think this one is good for "tar-tar."

397. "Tar-tar."

398. Nope, it's "tartar."

399. Tartar, tartar, tartar, tartar.

400. I... it's all just sounding like gibberish.

401. But um, let me just take a run up on it.

402. Um, I like my fish with "tar-tar" sauce.

403. - It's still weird. - No.

404. Guys, um...

405. This is benefiting a very worthwhile cause.

406. If you like orphans and fire-roasted peppers,

407. you truly couldn't make a better purchase.

408. Señor Cloud es muy deliciosa.

409. It's amazing, isn't it?

410. Two pills so similar in appearance,

411. but one can save a life and one can destroy it.

412. Look, I think the people are getting impatient.

413. Oh, oh, would you look at us? Huh?

414. Gabbing like best friends

415. who hang out, socially, I think.

416. Um, why don't you open up

417. another box of vaccines, and we'll get to work.

418. Okay, where are the other boxes?

419. Well, no, the ones you brought in this morning.

420. - Oh, those? We're done. - We went through those.

421. Okay. Yeah, okay.

422. Uh, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.

423. - You okay? - Don't panic!

424. Ah! Ah, what'd I tell you?

425. Don't panic, because we... We still have one vaccine left.

426. What I need you to do is go out there

427. and tell everyone that. Yeah.

428. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

429. Do I have that?

430. Wall to wall, brother.

431. - Oh, no. - Yeah.

432. Oh, gosh, that's what that is.

433. It happens to the best of us.

434. There's celebrities that have too much tartar.

435. - Okay. - Lionel Richie.

436. - No. - Yeah.

437. Is it similar to what you would eat in your village?

438. Sí. Sí, sí, sí.

439. Es muy autentica.

440. It is just like the salsa

441. my mother would make in a bowl made from a giant rock.

442. You must have enjoyed many fiestas growing up.

443. Where are you from?

444. Um...

445. My sister and I grew up

446. in a small village near the banks of the Rio Grande.

447. Ooh!

448. Jose.

449. Gracias, Jose.

450. There's two of them.

451. Anybody who doesn't get a shot today will get one tomorrow.

452. I can't take another day off of work.

453. Well, ma'am...

454. And it's not just me, it's for my baby!

455. - I'm sorry... - And she's all that I have left

456. of my husband who died in the war fighting for America!

457. Okay, no, well, all right.

458. We'll give you the shot, if you just come around...

459. Wait, you're gonna give her my shot?

460. Well, sir, it should probably go to the person

461. who needs it the most, don't you think?

462. - Uh, what about me? - I teach preschool.

463. I'm an actor!

464. - This is Eugenics! - Who are you to play God?

465. Okay, again, again, again!

466. To put it into perspective,

467. anybody who doesn't get a vaccine today

468. will just have to take a short car ride to another store,

469. or come back tomorrow.

470. That's what the Nazis said.

471. Olé!

472. Yes, yes, we are so happy you liked our dance,

473. but it is also important to remember that

474. Latinos can be doctors, and lawyers,

475. and architects.

476. Never mind, I'm just playing.

477. You should see the look on your gringo faces.

478. Arriba!

479. Uno mas!

480. No, Carmen, it's not what it looks like.

481. It's for charity!

482. Olé!

483. Attention, shoppers, it is 2:00.

484. All associates working the morning shift,

485. it is time for you to leave.

486. Where you going?

487. We're not finished here!

488. We are not finished!

489. If you are leaving,

490. I hope you learned that no good deed

491. goes unpunished, but, also,

492. no matter how bad a day you had,

493. at the end of your shift you get to clock out

494. and leave the job at the door.

495. Anyway, this does not pertain to most of you,

496. so green beans are on sale for 89¢.

497. I can't do this.

498. - Tough day, huh? - Yeah.

499. I just needed to sit.

500. Mind if I join you?

501. Be my guest.

502. I was reading this article about UV rays...

503. Shh.

504. Got it! Great day, guys.