1. AAAAAAAH!Copy !req
2. AAAH!Copy !req
3. AAAAH!Copy !req
4. STREET ♪
♪ OH!Copy !req
5. AAH!Copy !req
6. SO, THIS IS FOR THE
COVER, RIGHT?Copy !req
7. UM... YEAH.Copy !req
8. O-OF COURSE, SIR.Copy !req
9. GREAT.Copy !req
10. SO, ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING,
THAT WAS WHEN I LOST MY FIRSTCopy !req
11. TOOTH.Copy !req
12. I REMEMBER IT WAS AUTUMN,
BECAUSE THE LEAVES —Copy !req
13. HUP!Copy !req
14. WELL, WE'RE, UH, OUT OF TAPE.Copy !req
15. UH WELL, WE'LL JUST
HAVE TO PICK UP THERE ON PART 7Copy !req
16. OF THE INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK.Copy !req
17. COPY BOY! TRANSCRIBE THIS!Copy !req
18. YOU GOT IT, CHIEF!Copy !req
19. AH, WE'LL BURY IT ON
PAGE 12.Copy !req
20. YOU, DEVELOP THESE — STAT!Copy !req
21. OOH, PICTURES!Copy !req
22. AND DON'T USE ANY OF
THE ONES WHERE HE TOOK HIS SHIRTCopy !req
23. OFF.Copy !req
24. OKAY, PEOPLE, WHERE ARE WE WITH
TOMORROW'S EDITION?Copy !req
25. WE GOT 50 PAGES OF OBITUARIES
AND NO PAGE ONE!Copy !req
26. WHAT ABOUT OURCopy !req
27. "ASK ALICE" COLUMN?Copy !req
28. I DON'T HAVE ONE THIS
WEEK.Copy !req
29. WHY NOT?Copy !req
30. NOBODY'S ASKING ME
SHIT.Copy !req
31. STOP THE PRESSES!Copy !req
32. WHAT THE "F" WAS THAT?Copy !req
33. OUR LEAD STORY!Copy !req
34. "SUPERJAIL —
HAUNTED?"Copy !req
35. REALLY, JARED.Copy !req
36. I KNOW YOUR LITTLE RAG IS
DESPERATE FOR READERS, BUT ICopy !req
37. DON'T APPROVE OF THIS TABLOID
JOURNALISM!Copy !req
38. AND WHO SAID YOU COULD BLOW MY
MONEY ON COLOR PRINTING?Copy !req
39. BUT, SIR, THAT
PHOTOGRAPH IS IRREFUTABLE PROOF!Copy !req
40. THAT YOUR D.T.s ARE
GETTING SO BAD THAT YOU CAN'TCopy !req
41. HOLD A CAMERA STEADY!Copy !req
42. THEN HOW DO YOU
EXPLAIN ALL THE STRANGE NOISES?Copy !req
43. SUPERJAIL IS STILL,
UH, SETTLING.Copy !req
44. THE SHAKING WALLS?Copy !req
45. THAT'S THE PRICE YOU
PAY WHEN YOU LIVE ON A SWEETCopy !req
46. VOLCANO.Copy !req
47. THE MOANING AND
GROANING?Copy !req
48. EVERYBODY GROANS WHEN
YOU ENTER A ROOM, JARED.Copy !req
49. THAT ONE'S ON YOU.Copy !req
50. WARDEN!Copy !req
51. THE WALLS ARE OOZING BLOOD!Copy !req
52. HAPPENS EVERY TIME
JAILBOT PUTS DOWN A RIOT, ANDCopy !req
53. THEN HE CLEANS THEM RIGHT UP.Copy !req
54. DON'T YOU, BOY?Copy !req
55. SIR, EYEWITNESS
ACCOUNTS HAVE BEEN POURING INCopy !req
56. SINCE THE STORY RAN.Copy !req
57. QUOTE — "I SAW A STRANGE
GLOWING EYE HOVERING OUTSIDE MYCopy !req
58. WINDOW."Copy !req
59. MM-HMM.Copy !req
60. PRISONERS HAVE OVERACTIVE
IMAGINATIONS, JARED.Copy !req
61. IT'S NOT JUST THEM!Copy !req
62. ALICE SAYS SHE'S VISITED EVERY
NIGHT BY A STRANGE BEING WHOCopy !req
63. SNEAKS INTO HER ROOM AND STEALS
HER PANTIES!Copy !req
64. SEE — OVERACTIVE
IMAGINATIONS.Copy !req
65. AAH!Copy !req
66. HAUNTED.Copy !req
67. WHAT?Copy !req
68. ALL RIGHT, WHO'S THE PRANKSTER?Copy !req
69. I DO NOT NEED TO DIET.Copy !req
70. AAH!Copy !req
71. IS THAT A PIMPLE?Copy !req
72. UGH! AN UGLY WHITEHEAD.Copy !req
73. WHO YOU CALLIN' UGLY?Copy !req
74. YOU UGLY!Copy !req
75. NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE I
STOMP YOUR WHITEY ASS.Copy !req
76. EW! BLACKHEADS!Copy !req
77. AAH! AAH!Copy !req
78. AAAAAH!Copy !req
79. AH! WHEW!Copy !req
80. WHOA!Copy !req
81. AAH!Copy !req
82. AAH!Copy !req
83. AAAAAAAH!Copy !req
84. NO! WHOA-OA!Copy !req
85. AAH!Copy !req
86. OKAY, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!Copy !req
87. YOU'RE DREAMING!Copy !req
88. AND ANY MINUTE NOW, YOU'RE GONNA
WAKE U— AAAAAAAAAH!Copy !req
89. AAAAH!Copy !req
90. JARED! OH!Copy !req
91. HELP ME, BUDDY!Copy !req
92. YOU WERE RIGHT!Copy !req
93. I-IT'S REAL! IT'S ALL REAL!Copy !req
94. I'M HAUNTED!Copy !req
95. DEAD PEOPLE HATE ME!Copy !req
96. OKAY, C-CALM DOWN,
SIR!Copy !req
97. W-WE'LL GET YOU SOME HELP!Copy !req
98. WHO DO WE KNOW WHO HAS ESP?Copy !req
99. I DON'T THINK DRUGS
WILL HELP THE SITUATION, JARED.Copy !req
100. I'M PRETTY KEYED UP AS IT IS!Copy !req
101. YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE,
HONEY.Copy !req
102. SUPERJAIL IS IN SPIRITUAL
UNREST.Copy !req
103. BUT...Copy !req
104. AAH!Copy !req
105. AND THIS IS A VERY BIG
"BUT" — BY SIMPLY REARRANGINGCopy !req
106. THE FURNITURE, WE CAN RESTORE
THE POSITIVE FLOW OF SUPERJAIL'SCopy !req
107. CHI.Copy !req
108. HE'S ON A FENG SHUI KICK.Copy !req
109. I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
110. THERE. YOU SEE?Copy !req
111. THAT ACTUALLY LOOKS PRETTY
GREAT.Copy !req
112. AY-EEEEEEE!Copy !req
113. UGH!Copy !req
114. HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF
SALMONELLA?Copy !req
115. YOU GOT
BIGGER PROBLEM DAN DAT, MAN!Copy !req
116. SOULS OF DEM DEAD BE REACHING
OUT!Copy !req
117. FOR WHAT, EXACTLY?Copy !req
118. HEY, NEAT!Copy !req
119. IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE ME?Copy !req
120. YOU SHOULD
HAVE COME TO ME FIRST!Copy !req
121. SCIENCE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!Copy !req
122. SO, THERE IS A
SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION FOR ALLCopy !req
123. OF THIS?Copy !req
124. JA — SUPERJAIL IS CRAZY
SPOOKED!Copy !req
125. BETWEEN THE HERE UND THE
HEREAFTER IS A MEMBRANE.Copy !req
126. WHEN YOU DIE, YOU PASS THROUGH
THIS MEMBRANE TO THE AFTERLIFE!Copy !req
127. BUT SOMEHOW THESE SPIRITS GOT
STUCK INSIDE!Copy !req
128. I DON'T FOLLOW.Copy !req
129. IMAGINE IF YOU HAD NO ASSHOLE
WHERE WOULD YOUR POO-POOS GO?Copy !req
130. THEY WOULD BACK UP, FIRST INTOCopy !req
131. YOUR LOWER INTESTINE...Copy !req
132. THEN THE SMALL INTESTINE...Copy !req
133. THE COLON, THE STOMACH...Copy !req
134. EXPANDING UND EXPANDING UNTIL...Copy !req
135. AAH!Copy !req
136. AH!Copy !req
137. YOU'RE IN A WORLD OF SHIT
YIKES! WHAT DO WE DO?Copy !req
138. YOU MUST GO INSIDE THE
MEMBRANE UND CLEAN OUT ALL THECopy !req
139. TURDS!Copy !req
140. UGH!Copy !req
141. THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE KIND OF
THING I PAY JARED FOR.Copy !req
142. NEIN! IT MUST BE YOU!Copy !req
143. HOW DO I GET THERE?Copy !req
144. OH, THAT PART'S
EASY.Copy !req
145. WE KILL YOU!Copy !req
146. WHAT? NO WAY!Copy !req
147. RELAX.Copy !req
148. IN FIVE MINUTES, WE WILL REVIVE
YOU, UND YOU WILL BE AS GOOD ASCopy !req
149. NEW.Copy !req
150. IT'S ALL VERY SCIENTIFIC.Copy !req
151. WELL, ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
152. IF YOU SAY SO.Copy !req
153. JA! LET'S DO THIS!Copy !req
154. OKAY.Copy !req
155. OKAY, HERE GOES.Copy !req
156. ATTENTION, RESTLESS SOULS OFCopy !req
157. SUPERJAIL!Copy !req
158. UH, AS MUCH AS THIS GOES AGAINST
EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN — ANDCopy !req
159. DON'T BELIEVE IN — I HEREBY
OFFICIALLY PARDON AND RELEASECopy !req
160. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!Copy !req
161. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.Copy !req
162. DID YOU JUST SAY YOU PARDON US?Copy !req
163. THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
164. YOU'RE WELCOME.Copy !req
165. YOU LOCK US UP TO DIE IN THAT
HUMAN MEAT GRINDER YOU CALL ACopy !req
166. JAIL, AND YOU THINK WE'RE THE
ONES WHO NEED PARDONING?Copy !req
167. WELL, UH...Copy !req
168. LET'S GET HIM, FELLAS!Copy !req
169. DOC, PULL ME OUT!Copy !req
170. PULL ME OUT!Copy !req
171. IT'S BEEN ALMOST FIVE
MINUTES!Copy !req
172. UH, SHOULDN'T WE REVIVE HIM?Copy !req
173. EH, HE CAN GO ANOTHER MINUTE.Copy !req
174. WAAAH!Copy !req
175. OOH! AAH!Copy !req
176. CLEAR.Copy !req
177. YIKES!Copy !req
178. WELL, AUF WIEDERSEHEN!Copy !req
179. THE DOCTOR IS OUT!Copy !req
180. WAIT!Copy !req
181. HOW DO WE STOP THIS?Copy !req
182. BEATS ME.Copy !req
183. I'M A SCIENTIST.Copy !req
184. I DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS!Copy !req
185. I'M BACK!Copy !req
186. AAH!Copy !req
187. YEAH!Copy !req
188. W-W-WARDEN!Copy !req
189. ARE YOU OKAY?Copy !req
190. OH, GREAT.Copy !req
191. I THOUGHT THEY'D NEVER LEAVE.Copy !req
192. WHO ARE YOU?Copy !req
193. CHETZOLPOCOTLAN, BUT YOU CAN
CALL ME "CHET."Copy !req
194. YOU'RE THE WARDEN, RIGHT?Copy !req
195. I GOT TO TELL YOU — BIG FAN.Copy !req
196. AAH!Copy !req
197. MAN, I THOUGHT I WAS GOOD AT
HUMAN SACRIFICE, BUT YOU —Copy !req
198. LOOK, I-I'M
FLATTERED, BUT I THINK YOU MIGHTCopy !req
199. BE THE SOURCE OF MY PROBLEM
HERE.Copy !req
200. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE KIND OF,
UH, BLOCKING THE FIRE EXIT, IFCopy !req
201. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.Copy !req
202. WHOA-HO! LOOK AT THAT.Copy !req
203. SUPERJAIL JUST PACKS 'EM IN.Copy !req
204. WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?Copy !req
205. AAH!Copy !req
206. NO!Copy !req
207. DON'T YOU DIE ON ME, SIR!Copy !req
208. H-HELP ME, YOU GUYS!Copy !req
209. CLEAR!Copy !req
210. I GUESS I'M JUST AFRAID.Copy !req
211. I MUST'VE PISSED OFF THE GODS
SOMETHING AWFUL, BECAUSE THEYCopy !req
212. SENT THOSE CONQUISTADOR JERKS
AND ALL THOSE VOLCANOES.Copy !req
213. WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY HAVE WAITING
FOR ON THE OTHER SIDE?Copy !req
214. NONE OF US DO, BUDDY,
BUT WE ALL GOT TO GO SOMETIME.Copy !req
215. WARDEN! WARDEN!Copy !req
216. HO-HO!Copy !req
217. CHECK OUT THE CABEZA ON THAT
LITTLE GUY.Copy !req
218. I KNOW, RIGHT?Copy !req
219. IT'S FREAKY BIG!Copy !req
220. HEY!Copy !req
221. WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS IN
THE BEHEADING RACKET?Copy !req
222. MELON THAT SIZE COULD HAVE
APPEASED THE HELL OUT OF THECopy !req
223. GODS!Copy !req
224. HOW HAVE YOU NOT BEHEADED HIM
YET?Copy !req
225. BELIEVE ME, I ASK
MYSELF THAT EVERY DAY.Copy !req
226. WHO IS THIS GUY?Copy !req
227. OH, HE'S THIS 1,000-YEAR-OLD
PRIEST GUY WHO USED TO RUNCopy !req
228. SUPERJAIL WHEN IT WAS A TEMPLE.Copy !req
229. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?Copy !req
230. I-I WAS TRYING TO SAVE
YOU!Copy !req
231. BUT I ELECTROCUTED MYSELF.Copy !req
232. GREAT WORK AS USUAL,
JARED.Copy !req
233. YEAH.Copy !req
234. THAT'S USING YOUR HEAD.Copy !req
235. OH, I'LL SHOW YOU HOWCopy !req
236. I USE MY HEAD!Copy !req
237. OH, HEY! WHOA!Copy !req
238. NOT YET.Copy !req
239. JARED...Copy !req
240. WHY ARE YOU ON TOP
OF ME?Copy !req
241. WHY DOES YOUR BREATH
SMELL LIKE YOU BRUSHED YOURCopy !req
242. TEETH WITH DEAD PEOPLE?Copy !req
243. WELL, THIS HOUSE IS
CLEAN.Copy !req
244. OH!Copy !req
245. IS THIS HEAVEN?Copy !req
246. AH, IT'S GOOD TO BECopy !req
247. ALIVE!Copy !req