Strangers with Candy 3x7

Deborah Rush as Sara Blank • Larc Spies as Derrick Blank • Sophina Brown as Sydney • Kelly Hutchinson as Sylvia

At the bequest of Mr. Noblet, Jerri takes over an advice column formerly penned by Mr. Jellineck, which results in diabolical intentions on Geoffrey's part towards Chuck, and anger from nearly everyone in Flatpoint High towards Jerri.

Request examples:

!req Strangers with Candy 3x7 [02:32]
!req Strangers with Candy 3x7 [Strangers with Candy 3x7]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Strangers with Candy 3x7 [10-11]; !req Strangers with Candy 3x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. MR. JELLINECK?

2. CAN I GET YOUR ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING?

3. CAN YOU MAKE IT QUICK,

4. I HAVE AN ADVICE COLUMN TO WRITE.

5. WELL, THERE'S THAT STUDENT FROM CARLOT

6. WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO

7. AND SINCE THEN, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

8. JOIN THE CLUB.

9. DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TURN OUT AT HIS FUNERAL?

10. IT'S LIKE HE WAS A CELEBRITY OR SOMETHING.

11. I BET THERE ARE A LOT OF KIDS WHO DIDN'T TREAT HIM VERY WELL

12. AND ARE PRETTY SORRY ABOUT IT NOW.

13. CAN YOU IMAGINE...

14. HAVING THAT MANY PEOPLE DISTRAUGHT OVER YOUR DEATH?

15. CAN YOU IMAGINE IT?

16. GOD I ENVY THAT KID!

17. SO, WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION?

18. I GUESS I DON'T REALLY HAVE ONE.

19. WELL, IF YOU GET ONE, GIMME A "DINGLE".

20. HELLO! I'M JERRI BLANK.

21. 32 YEARS AGO I DROPPED OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL

22. AND RAN AWAY FROM HOME.

23. OH, I MADE A LOT OF FRIENDS.

24. DID A LOT OF TIME...

25. I WAS A BOOZER...

26. A USER...

27. AND A LOSER...

28. I STOLE THE T.V.--

29. DID SOME MORE TIME.

30. BUT NOW I'M BACK IN SCHOOL!

31. AND THOUGH THE FACES MAY HAVE CHANGED...

32. THE HASSLES ARE JUST THE SAME.

33. Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL

34. HEY! GEOFFREY,

35. A STUDENT WROTE IN A LETTER FOR YOUR COLUMN.

36. WANT ME TO PUT IT WITH THE OTHERS?

37. YOU BET.

38. THOSE STUDENT PROBLEMS ARE SO... MOROSE.

39. YEAH.

40. I LIKE HAPPY PROBLEMS.

41. LISTEN TO THIS ONE I JUST MADE UP:

42. "DEAR GEOFFREY:

43. "I'VE RECENTLY ACQUIRED AN ANTIQUE SHAKER TABLE

44. "WHICH IS REALLY KINDA FUN IN A RUSTIC SORTA WAY,

45. "BUT IT DOESN'T FIT IN WITH MY KEY WEST COLORS.

46. "WHAT SHOULD I DO?

47. SIGNED DESPERATELY SEEKING DECO."

48. THAT'S A PICKLE. YEAH.

49. NOBLET!

50. LOOK WHAT I FOUND STACKED OUTSIDE MY OFFICE!

51. IT'S LAST WEEK'S EDITION OF THE SCHOOL PAPER.

52. THAT'S RIGHT.

53. AND IT WAS STACKED ON TOP OF A STACK

54. FROM THE WEEK BEFORE.

55. NOBODY READS IT!

56. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BRAINWASH MY MINIONS

57. IF THEY AREN'T READING THE OFFICIAL PARTY LINE? HMM?

58. MAYBE THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND GOOD JOURNALISM.

59. THEY DON'T READ IT, BECAUSE THEY DON'T RELATE TO IT.

60. LOOK AT THESE ARTICLES.

61. "MAKING SCENTED CANDLES",

62. "THE TRUTH BEHIND BELGIAN LACE",

63. "ICHIBANA, THE ANCIENT ART OF JAPANESE FLOWER ARRANGEMENT."

64. IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,

65. I'D SAY THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A COUPLE OF MIDDLE-AGED HOMOS.

66. LISTEN UP, CHUCK,

67. EITHER YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN RELATE TO THE STUDENTS,

68. OR YOUR MONKEY ASS IS OFF THE PAPER!

69. DID YOU HEAR THAT GEOFFREY?

70. IF HE TAKES THE PAPER AWAY FROM ME

71. THAT MEANS I HAVE TO SPEND MORE TIME TEACHING THE STUDENTS,

72. AND FRANKLY, I'M OUT OF INFORMATION!

73. OH! HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

74. WE RELATE TO THE STUDENTS.

75. MAYBE WE DON'T.

76. WELL I DO.

77. HELL, I'M PRACTICALLY THEIR AGE.

78. I'VE GOT THE BODY HAIR OF A 14-YEAR-OLD.

79. I'VE GOTTA THINK OF SOMETHING!

80. I'M GOIN' TO GET SOME FRESH AIR

81. BY THE CANDY MACHINE. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO.

82. ( grunting in frustration )

83. HEY CHUCK! I'VE GOT THE ANSWER!

84. "DEAR DECO—

85. SAW THE LEGS OFF THE TABLE,

86. AND MAKE IT A CUTTING BOARD."

87. ( raspy laugh )

88. IF THIS DOESN'T CONNECT WITH THE STUDENTS,

89. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL.

90. ( slurping )

91. YEAH.

92. AH... IT'S A BEAUT.

93. ( quietly sobbing )

94. WHAT'S WITH THE "BOO-HOOS" ?

95. MY BOYFRIEND JUST BROKE UP WITH ME

96. AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

97. OOH, WHO WAS IT? JOHNNY LING.

98. JOHNNY LING? IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

99. HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF THE OLD EXPRESSION

100. "BLACK-ON-WHITE, OUTTA SIGHT."

101. "BLACK-ON-SLOPE, THERE AIN'T NO HOPE."

102. YOU'RE RIGHT, JERRI!

103. THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

104. THANKS FOR THE GREAT ADVICE.

105. ( Jerri ) LAME.

106. SAY, JERRI! I NEED SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

107. YOU REALLY SEEM TO CONNECT WITH THE OTHER STUDENTS.

108. LET'S SAY YOU COME OVER AND HELP ME OUT AT THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER?

109. AW, WORKING FOR THE PAPER IS FOR QUEERS.

110. DULL, DULL, DULL, DULL, DULL!

111. WELL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY.

112. OH, BY THE WAY!

113. YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO COME TO HISTORY CLASS AGAIN.

114. I'M GIVING YOU AN INFINITE "F".

115. ( softly ) FAT ASS.

116. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

117. FAT ASS. THAT'S BETTER.

118. OHHHH. EXCUSE ME—

119. I-I'M NEW,

120. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER MEETS?

121. EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT...

122. "JERRI BLANK POPS STIFFY!"

123. EXCUSE ME? FOR THE PAPER?

124. I WANNA SIGN UP.

125. WELL, WHAT A "CO-INKY-DINK".

126. I'M WORKIN' ON THE PAPER,

127. I WAS JUST HEADIN' OVER THERE RIGHT, AHEM... NOW.

128. I THINK WORKING ON THE PAPER IS SO—

129. SEXY? SAY EXCITING.

130. IT CAN BE.

131. ( humming )

132. ( typing slowly )

133. ( type )

134. ( type )

135. ( type )

136. LOOK, TAKE A TYPING CLASS,

137. THAT "TIP-TIP-TAPPING" IS DRIVING NAILS IN MY SKULL.

138. ( Jellineck ) JEEZ, SOMEBODY'S A CRABBY BUNNY.

139. SHUT UP!

140. OKAY! AHEM!

141. HERE'S WHERE WE DO THE PAPER...

142. FOLDING,

143. AND HERE'S WE DO THE PAPER...

144. MACHE.

145. AND HERE'S THE PAPER...

146. CLIPS!

147. AND, UH, THAT'S HOW SHE RUNS.

148. WOW—

149. SO YOU WANNA HEAR A NEWSPAPER JOKE?

150. WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND ME ALL IN THERE?

151. DON'T YOU MEAN RED ALL OVER?

152. IT IS AFTER I SLAP IT A FEW TIMES.

153. JERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

154. HOLD THE PRESS, CHIEF!

155. YOU SAID YOU NEEDED SOMEBODY LIKE ME, AND HERE ME IS.

156. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

157. I WANT YOU TO WRITE AN ADVICE COLUMN FOR THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.

158. WHAT KIND OF ADVICE?

159. SHH! KEEP IT DOWN.

160. YOUR COLUMN WILL REPLACE MR. JELLINECK'S

161. AND I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

162. ( whispering ) I UNDERSTAND.

163. I JUST GOT A JOB WRITIN' THE NEW ADVICE COLUMN!

164. JERRI PLEASE! THAT'S GREAT, JERRI.

165. WHAT A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY TO HELP PEOPLE.

166. WHO ARE YOU?

167. OH HI! I'M SIDNEY,

168. I'D LIKE TO WORK FOR THE PAPER.

169. OKAY, I COULD USE A RESEARCH ASSISTANT.

170. YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT, I WANT TO SEE IF YOU CAN

171. GO RESEARCH ME UP A CINNAMON CHIP SCONE.

172. WE'RE GONNA BE WORKIN' FOR THE PAPER!

173. YES!

174. JERRI, REMEMBER.

175. ( whispering ) HUSH-HUSH.

176. SHH. HEY, MR. J' !

177. WHAT ARE YOU WRITIN' THERE?

178. YOUR OBITUARY?

179. ( cackles )

180. WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY THAT, CHUCK?

181. ( high-pitched ) GOSH, I DON'T KNOW.

182. DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

183. I'M SO HAPPY WE'RE WORKING ON THE PAPER.

184. YEAH, WORKIN' ON THE NEWSPAPER- I FEEL SO GROWN-UP.

185. GOODIES!

186. JERRI! CAN'T YOU WAIT?

187. WHY? DERRICK'S NOT WAITING.

188. WELL THAT'S HOW THE FOOD CHAIN WORKS, JERRI,

189. I BUY IT, MY FAVORITE CHILD GETS FIRST DIBS

190. AND YOU WAIT.

191. WOW, SALTY, CRISPY FATTIES!

192. FATTY, SALTY CRISPIES!

193. TWICE-BAKED FROSTING FRIES!

194. WHO'S YOUR CUTE, YOUNG, ETHNIC FRIEND, DERRICK?

195. OH, SHE'S WITH JERRI.

196. GET OUT!

197. MOTHER, PLEASE.

198. THIS IS SIDNEY.

199. HEY, DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY?

200. ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAPPENED IN SCHOOL TODAY?

201. MR. NOBLET— TO DERRICK.NG

202. DERRICK?

203. WELL, I PUNCHED THIS LOSER IN THE HEAD.

204. HE WAS COMIN' OUT OF STUDY HALL.

205. I BLIND-SIDED HIM. HE NEVER EVEN SAW IT COMING.

206. THAT'S VERY NICE, DERRICK.

207. OKAY JERRI, NOW WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT QUICK.

208. SOMEONE PUNCHED ME IN THE HEAD WHEN I WAS COMIN' OUT OF STUDY HALL TODAY.

209. BLIND-SIDED ME. NEVER SAW IT COMIN'.

210. OH, AND MR. NOBLET

211. ASKED SIDNEY AND I TO WORK ON THE PAPER.

212. I'M WRITING FOR THE NEW ADVICE COLUMN.

213. OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

214. YOU GIVING ADVICE? YOU KNOW,

215. THAT'S SURE TO BACKFIRE AND EXPLODE IN YOUR FACE

216. LIKE SOME... HILLBILLY'S RIFLE.

217. ( cackling ) POOR SOUTHERNERS ARE HILARIOUS...

218. WHAT DOES SHE KNOW.

219. WELL, JERRI, YOUR MOM MIGHT HAVE A POINT.

220. GIVING ADVICE CAN HAVE DISASTROUS RESULTS.

221. YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL- YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY QUALIFIED.

222. WHAT D'YA MEAN?

223. WELL, THERE WAS THIS RADIO TALK-SHOW HOST

224. WHO GAVE BAD ADVICE TO A CALLER.

225. THE CALLER WENT DOWN TO THE STUDIO WITH A TIRE IRON

226. AND CRUSHED HER SKULL.

227. I MEAN, THAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.

228. ME-EE? ( sighs )

229. MR. NOBS? YES, JERRI?

230. I'M HAVIN' SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT DOING THIS ADVICE COLUMN.

231. WHY?

232. WELL, I'M NOT SURE I'M QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVICE.

233. OH REALLY, JERRI?

234. WELL, IF YOU WEREN'T QUALIFIED...

235. COULD I HAVE HAD THESE PRINTED UP?

236. WOW! BEAUTIFUL!

237. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

238. GIVE ME ONE.

239. ( giggling )

240. ( happy-go-lucky music playing )

241. ( wretching )

242. ( rabidly muttering )

243. CHUUUCCCCKKK!

244. ( snorting and panting )

245. ALL THE PERFUMES... OF ARABIA

246. WON'T MASK THE STINK OF BETRAYAL, CHUCK.

247. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REPLACED ME.

248. ( low voice ) I DID WHAT I HAD TO, TO SAVE MY PAPER.

249. YOUR PAPER... OR YOURSELF?

250. TAKE THAT BACK! I WILL NOT,

251. I SHALL REPEAT IT. "SELF!" GET OUT!

252. OUT OF THIS CLASSROOM,

253. OR OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

254. LITTLE CARE, I.

255. FINE, I'LL GO.

256. BUT I'M NOT LEAVING.

257. I'M SURE YOU'LL WANT THIS BACK.

258. ( ring plinking on floor )

259. ( rattling )

260. ( still rattling )

261. I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THAT.

262. OH THAT'S RIGHT, MY WIFE DID.

263. I GOTTA FIND THAT OR SHE'LL KILL ME.

264. GOOD LUCK, CHUCK...

265. I HATE YOU.

266. WHY DON'T YOU PUT THAT IN YOUR COLUMN, GEOFFREY?

267. OH, THAT'S RIGHT!

268. YOU DON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE!

269. OKAY, PUT YOUR PENCILS DOWN.

270. ( students whining ) PASS THEM UP?'YA

271. C'MON! TERRY, YOU COLLECT THEM.

272. I'VE GOTTA GO GET SOMETHING THAT I...

273. LOST.

274. HEY HEY! LOOK AT THIS!

275. LETTERS! WE GOT LETTERS!

276. OKAY! NUMBER ONE, LET'S GET ONE AND...

277. DON'T, UH, YOU GOTTA, YOU GOTTA JUST...

278. TRY AGAIN, TRY AGAIN, IT'S OKAY.

279. OKAY, HERE WE GO.

280. FIRST, USE A WHOLE SHEET—

281. USE A - USE A WHOLE SHEET.

282. JUST TRY THE WHOLE SHEET.

283. OKAY.

284. I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU A QUESTION YET.

285. ( wheezing happily ) LOOK!

286. I KNOW, BUT YOU DON'T— IT DOESN'T HELP TO TYPE IF I HAVEN'T ASKED...

287. DON'T, LOOK.

288. DON'T PANIC... DON'T.

289. GIMME, GIMME THE...

290. ALL RIGHT! SO...

291. "WHAT SHOULD I DO? SINCERELY, DEPRESSED."

292. DEPRESSED.

293. OKAY.

294. NOTHING PILLS CAN'T—

295. NO, USE THE TYPEWRITER—

296. LOOK, YOU DO THIS. ( typing )

297. THIS, NOT LIKE THIS. AHHH!

298. NOT THIS. ( whining )

299. SEE THIS? NO.

300. THERE, THAT FEELS GOOD, HUH?

301. NOT JUST LETTERS... ( rousingly gasping )

302. FULL WORDS...

303. USE A VOWEL!

304. NO, LOOK, LOOK, DON'T TOUCH IT, JUST DON'T TOUCH IT!

305. NO! THAT ONE'S UNPLUGGED.

306. GIMME THIS!

307. WAAAA, AH.

308. HERE, OKAY THERE.

309. WE'RE ALL FRESH, READY TO GO.

310. GOOD. AH-HA!

311. OKAY, TAKE IT EASY.

312. ALL RIGHT, KEEP GOINGAH-HA-AH-HA!

313. YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT, NOW TRY A WORD.

314. TRY A FULL WORD. ( gasping vigorously )

315. GOOD.

316. F,U... C. ALL RIGHT!

317. GOOD, NOW, OK.

318. EXTRA EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

319. ( voice echoing ) "DEAR JERRI,

320. "I HAVE A CRUSH ON THIS REALLY CUTE GUY,

321. "BUT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I EXIST.

322. "WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM NOTICE ME?

323. SIGNED, GHOST GIRL."

324. ( Jerri ) "DEAR GHOSTY,

325. "THE TRICK IS TO BE A WHORE IN THE BEDROOM,

326. "A WHORE IN THE KITCHEN, AND A WHORE IN THE...

327. "BE A WHORE.

328. "P.S. NO CONDOMS.

329. COWBOYS LOVE RIDIN' BAREBACK."

330. BE, A WHORE.

331. ( male stoner ) "DEAR JERRI,

332. "I'VE BEEN DOIN' A LOT OF ( big inhale )--

333. "UH, DRUGS LATELY AND...

334. "I JUST WANT MORE BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.

335. SHOULD I STOP?"

336. ( Jerri ) IF YOU WANNA STOP FEELING GOOD.

337. YEAH!

338. AH!

339. ( stapling )

340. "DEAR JERRI, MY LIFE IS IN TURMOIL.

341. "I AM TORN BETWEEN TWO WOMEN I LOVE EQUALLY.

342. "A FIRERY LATINA, AND... MY MAMA.

343. ( Blackman's voice in sync ) "THEY FIGHT LIKE RABID, CORNERED MONGEESE IN HEAT.

344. "ONE MUST GO. BUT WHO?

345. SIGNED, DARK-N-HANDFUL."

346. ( Jerri ) "DEAR DARKY,

347. "MOTHERS ARE A DIME A DOZEN, BUT GIRLFRIENDS COME ONE AT A TIME.

348. "TAKE A LESSON FROM THOSE ARCTIC SAVAGES, ESKIMOS -

349. "SET MAMA ON AN ICE-FLOW,

350. AND SEND HER OUT TO "SEA" YOU LATER.

351. ( phone dialing )

352. HELLO.

353. MAMA?

354. HEY LOOK, IT'S JERRI.

355. OH MY GOD, JERRI. CAN YOU SIGN MY PAPER?

356. I'D LOVE TO. ME TOO.

357. HEY SIDNEY!

358. WHAT'S SHAKIN' OTHER THAN MY BACON?

359. I'M JUST RESEARCHING A "CHOCOLONIC CHUNKY CHIP BAR" FOR MR. NOBLET.

360. JEEEZ, WHAT'S THE COLD SHOULDER FOR?

361. DON'T YOU KNOW I'M THE NEW SCHOOL CELEBRITY?

362. ( clicking tongue ) McCULLOCH!

363. YEAH!

364. YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN READING YOUR COLUMN, JERRI,

365. AND I THINK IT'S HORRIBLE THE WAY YOU'VE BEEN FIRING OFF

366. THESE GLIB ANSWERS TO PEOPLE WITH REAL PROBLEMS.

367. BUT I HAVE POSTERS.

368. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING PEOPLE.

369. I AM.

370. I'M HELPING MYSELF TO THE POPULARITY PARADE.

371. WANNA HOP ON MY FLOAT— I DON'T THINK SO JERRI.

372. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A LOT MORE INTEGRITY.

373. SIDNEY!

374. NOBLET, I'M IMPRESSED, CIRCULATION IS WAY UP.

375. OF COURSE THE DOWNSIDE IS, YOU WILL BE A LOT BUSIER,

376. AND SPENDING MUCH LESS TIME WITH THE KIDS, TEACHING.

377. I INSIST ON MAKING THAT SACRIFICE, SIR.

378. I KNEW YOU WOULD, SO I ARRANGED A LITTLE PARTY AT THE ROLLER RINK—

379. A CELEBRATORY CELEBRATION TO CELEBRATE OUR CIRCULATION.

380. SAY, HAS ANYONE SEEN "ASK JERRI" AROUND?

381. I NEED TO ASK ABOUT SOME ADVICE SHE GAVE—

382. MMM, SOMEONE ELSE.

383. SHE'S NOT HERE.

384. BUT MY MAMA!

385. I'LL...

386. CATCH HER LATER. HMM?

387. HELLO, JUDAS!

388. SORRY GEOFFREY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU ABOVE THE ROAR OF MY SUCCESS.

389. WELL LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HEAR THIS.

390. I'M A DESPERATE MAN, CHUCK, NO SENSE IN PRETENDING,

391. AND DESPERATE MEN DO DESPERATE THINGS.

392. JUST LIKE YOUR EX-COLUMN, GEOFFREY,

393. YOU NEVER SEEM TO ARRIVE AT A POINT.

394. WELL LET'S SEE HOW SHARP THIS POINT IS.

395. THERE'S A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS A CERTAIN SECRET

396. AND IF REVEALED, WOULD CERTAINLY DESTROY HIM.

397. AND THERE'S ANOTHER CERTAIN SOMEONE

398. WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT THIS CERTAIN SECRET

399. AND IF THAT CERTAIN SOMEONE DOESN'T GET WHAT HE WANTS,

400. HE'LL TELL EVERYONE...

401. CERTAINLY!

402. YOU WOULDN'T!

403. DESPERATE!

404. WHAT TO DO?

405. WHAT TO DO?

406. THAT'S IT!

407. HI, CHIEF!

408. JERRI! WELL...

409. AHH, ANOTHER DAY TO DOLE OUT THE WISDOM.

410. WHAT DO WE GOT? AHH!

411. UH.

412. "DEAR JERRI... UH HUH.

413. "I AM A CERTAIN SOMEONE, WHO IS IN CERTAIN DANGER OF HAVING

414. "A CERTAIN TERRIBLE SECRET REVEALED BY ANOTHER CERTAIN SOMEONE.

415. OHH. "WHAT SHOULD I DO?

416. "SIGNED...

417. IN CERTAIN TROUBLE."

418. HMMM.

419. SOMEONE'S GONNA TELL A SECRET...

420. HMMM. "DEAR CERTAIN...

421. "DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.

422. WINK WINK." ( lightly laughs )

423. WELL, ANOTHER HARD DAY'S WORK,

424. OH, I'M GONNA GO HIT THE SHOWERS.

425. SEE YA, CHIEF.

426. ( drawer opening )

427. ( sobbing )

428. GEOFFREY, WHY?

429. ( blubbering ) WHY?

430. NIGHT FEVER, NIGHT FEVER, ROLLER BOOGIE.

431. ( laughs )

432. I GUESS IT FALLS TO ME TO WELCOME YOU ALL HERE TO JERRI'S CELEBRATION.

433. WHAT A BIG NIGHT THIS...

434. SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME.

435. ALL RIGHT, WELL STAY TUNED FOR A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT I'LL BE MAKING

436. THAT'S SURE TO BRING A LOT OF GASPS FROM MOST OF YOU,

437. AND A LOT OF WEEPING FROM ONE OF YOU.

438. A LOT, CHUCK.

439. ONCE I WAS AFRAID - I WAS PETRIFIED.

440. BUT I WILL SURVIVE!

441. I WONDER WHERE SHE IS?

442. SHE DESTROYED MY LIFE!

443. HEY YOU GUYS!

444. IT'S AS-SSK, JERRI!

445. THANKS TO YOUR ADVICE, I'M PREGNANT.

446. OH, CONGRATULATIONS! BOY OR A GIRL?

447. I THINK YOU MISS THE POINT.

448. I'M A PREGNANT TEENAGER BECAUSE I LISTENED TO YOU!

449. WELL LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE ADVICE...

450. I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR ADVICE.

451. ( students clamoring ) BOAT PROPELLER! YEAH.

452. I'M JUST BEING GLIB.

453. I AM ADDICTED TO MARIJUANA BECAUSE OF YOU!

454. BOAT PROPELLER!

455. BOAT PROPELLER!

456. ( student in an uproar )

457. LOOK!

458. I'D LOVE TO STICK AROUND AND LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS,

459. BUT THIS IS A CELEBRATION...

460. AND YOU PEOPLE ARE BRINGIN' ME WAY DOWN.

461. ALL RIGHT?

462. GOD, DID YOU GET A LOAD OF THOSE CRYBABIES?

463. WHO INVITED 'EM?

464. BLANK!

465. MY MOMMA LEFT ME, BECAUSE OF YOU!

466. ME? WHY'S IT MY FAULT?

467. MAMA. ( crying )

468. AH, SIDNEY—

469. WHAT IS GOING ON?

470. ( Jerri ) SIDNEY...

471. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR, UH, COUPLES' SKATE?

472. AHH! ( clunk )

473. ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU, JERRI, IS WHY DON'T YOU GO

474. BACK UNDER YOUR BRIDGE WITH YOUR "BILLY GOATS GRUFF".

475. BABIES, WHERE'S THIS COMIN' FROM? I...

476. WHAT'S THAT— YOUR ADVICE!

477. TO ME!

478. GOOD-BYE, JERRI.

479. WHAT? SIDNEY.

480. ( screaming students ) YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

481. YOU BETRAYED ME!

482. YOU SUCK!

483. I HATE YOU!

484. THE AGONIZING IRONICALLITY.

485. MMM!

486. I GOT SOMETHING TO SAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

487. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY!

488. I NEVER REALIZED HOW MUCH MY ADVICE COULD HURT PEOPLE,

489. UNTIL MY ADVICE HURT ME.

490. SO I'M GIVING ONE LAST BIT OF ADVICE...

491. TO, MYSELF!

492. "DEAR GERALDINE,

493. "I SUGGEST YOU QUIT THE PAPER

494. AND GIVE THE COLUMN BACK TO MR. JELLINECK."

495. ( cheers and clapping )

496. I'M BACK! I'M—

497. CHUCK, DID YOU HEAR THAT? YEAH!

498. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ?

499. I WAS JUST MEASURIN' YOU

500. FOR YOUR NEW "WELCOME BACK TO THE PAPER" HAT.

501. JERRI, I THINK THAT'S THE BEST ADVICE YOU EVER GAVE.

502. ME TOO. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

503. LET'S GO SKATE.

504. I'M A CHILD HAVING A CHILD!

505. I NEED REEFER!

506. MAMA! ( bawling )

507. Captioning made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL

508. Captioned by Soundwriters™