1. DONKETTES.
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2. JESUS!
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3. A LITTLE WARNING
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4. ABOUT THE WATER AROUND HERE.
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5. GOD!
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6. OH, WOW!
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7. LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, SEÑOR?
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8. UH-HUH.
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9. CATCH YOU LATER, THEN.
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10. WHAT'S THE MATTER, JERRI?
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11. UGH, IT'S THOSE
CHEERLEADERS.
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12. WHENEVER THEY'RE AROUND,
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13. THE TIME OF DAY.
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14. I DO.
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15. I MEAN, ORLANDO.
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16. MY SPECIES.
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17. WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU GO
TO THE CHEERLEADER TRYOUTS?
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18. HMM, MAYBE I WILL.
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19. WHEN ARE THEY?
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20. TOMORROW,
JUST LIKE IT SAYS.
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21. I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS.
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22. I MEAN, WHAT TIME ARE
THE TRYOUTS?
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23. 3:00.
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24. CAN'T YOU READ?
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25. OF COURSE I CAN READ.
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26. SEE?
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27. NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'VE GOTTA GO PEE.
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28.
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29. HELLO, I'M JERRI BLANK.
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30. 32 YEARS AGO I DROPPED
OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL
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31. AND RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
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32. OH, I MADE A
LOT OF FRIENDS,
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33. DID A LOT OF TIME.
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34. I WAS A BOOZER,
A USER, AND A LOSER.
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35. I STOLE THE TV.
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36. DID SOME MORE TIME.
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37. BUT NOW I'M
BACK IN SCHOOL!
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38. MAY HAVE CHANGED...
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39. ARE JUST THE SAME.
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40. ALL RIGHT.
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41. ANYONE WHO DOESN'T NOT WANT TO
AVOID PASSING THE MIDTERM EXAM,
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42. RAISE YOUR HAND NOW.
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43. OKAY.
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44. YOUR HANDS WILL FAIL,
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45. AS YOU REQUESTED.
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46. NOW, WHOSE TURN IS IT
TO READ ALOUD, HMM?
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47. SUZY, WHY DON'T YOU READ
CHAPTER ONE OF MOBY DICK?
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48. MR. NOBLET, WE'RE
GONNA BE CHEERING ON
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49. THIS WEEKEND,
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50. SO IT'S PROBABLY
BEST IF I SAVE MY VOICE.
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51. GOOD IDEA, SUZY.
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52. HERE, WHY DON'T YOU BUY
YOURSELF SOMETHING GIRLY?
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53. OKAY, WHO IS NEXT?
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54. FROM THIS VERY LONG,
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55. VERY DIFFICULT BOOK?
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56. HOW ABOUT YOU...
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57. JERRI?
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58. ACTUALLY, I'M TRYING OUT
FOR CHEERLEADING TOMORROW,
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59. MY VOICE TOO.
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60. JERRI, THAT LAME EXCUSE
IS NOT GONNA WORK
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61. WHEN YOU USE IT.
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62. I'VE ALREADY
READ THIS ONE.
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63. ISN'T THIS ABOUT
THAT... GUY?
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64. WE'RE ALL WAITING, JERRI.
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65.
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66. ALL RIGHTY, LET'S SEE.
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67. THERE WAS THIS, UH,
OLD MAN WITH A BEARD,
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68. AND HE BECAME FRIENDS WITH...
A BIG WHITE FISH.
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69. SUCH GOOD FRIENDS
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70. WITH THE OLD MAN.
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71. FREAKED OUT ON HIM,
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72. TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP.
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73. AND HE GOT BUSTED,
BECAUSE THEY FOUND OUT
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74. HIDDEN IN HIS, UH, BELLY,
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75. AND, UH, SO, UH,
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76. FIVE TO TEN AT THE STATE PEN.
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77. BEAUTIFULLY READ, JERRI.
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78. THANK YOU.
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79. CHIP, WHY DON'T YOU
READ THE NEXT CHAPTER?
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80. "MEANWHILE, REPEATING
A STRING OF
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81. "INSUFFERABLE MALEDICTATIONS,
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82. THE THOUSANDTH PART..."
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83. ( "Carry On My Wayward Son"
playing in headphones )
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84. GET AWAY.
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85. LADIES.
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86. HEY, JERRI, DIDN'T YOU
READ THE SIGN?
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87. CHEERLEADERS ONLY.
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88.
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89. MIND IF I SIT HERE?
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90. NOPE.
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91. I'M GLENN,
THE BUS DRIVER.
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92. JERRI, THE PASSENGER.
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93. IF YOU'RE
THE BUS DRIVER,
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94. THEN WHY AREN'T YOU
DRIVING THE BUS?
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95. WELL, JERRI,
MANY YEARS AGO...
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96. OH, NO.
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97. I WAS HIRED TO BE
THE BUS DRIVER
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98. HERE AT FLATPOINT.
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99. THE IMPORTANT ROUTES:
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100. TO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING,
BACK IN THE AFTERNOON—
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101. YOU NAME IT.
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102. I EVER SAT BEHIND THAT,
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103. UH, THAT ROUNDY THING.
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104. THE WHEEL?
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105. THE WHEEL, RIGHT,
THE WHEEL.
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106. IT WAS A GRAY AFTERNOON.
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107. HI, KIDS!
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108. WELCOME TO MY BUS.
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109.
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110. COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S GET GOING.
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111. LET'S GO, ON THE BUS,
TIME TO GO HOME.
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112. I WAS RARING TO GO.
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113. HEY, PRETTY ONE.
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114. HI, HOW YOU DOING?
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115. ALL RIGHT,
EVERYBODY IN?
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116. LET'S HIT IT!
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117. CLEAR THAT DAY.
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118. THE ROAD WAS WIDE OPEN.
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119. YET, FOR SOME REASON, I HEARD
A TINY VOICE INSIDE THE HEAD
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120. MY HEAD, TELLING ME,
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121. "DON'T DO THIS...
DON'T DO THIS, GLENN."
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122. START THE BUS! START THE BUS!
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123.
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124.
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125.
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126.
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127. WHAT WENT WRONG?
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128. I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DRIVE, JERRI.
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129. THEN HOW'D YOU GET THE JOB
AS A BUS DRIVER?
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130. I TOLD 'EM I COULD.
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131. OOH!
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132. KICK IN, BUT IT NEVER DID.
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133. EVENTUALLY, THEY PRESSURED
ME TO DRIVE.
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134. TO SAY TO THAT, JERRI?
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135. THAT YOU CAN'T?
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136. OH, SURE, HINDSIGHT'S 20/20.
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137. IT'S LIKE TO NOT BE ABLE
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138. EXPECTS YOU TO BE ABLE TO DO.
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139. OH, I THINK I DO, GLENN.
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140. IT'S TIME TO STOP NOT DOING
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141. YOU CAN DO AND CAN'T,
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142. THAT YOU CAN'T DO
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143. PRETEND THAT YOU CAN.
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144. YOU'RE RIGHT, JERRI.
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145. Y'KNOW, ONE DAY, I'M GONNA
GET BACK BEHIND THAT...
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146. WHEEL.
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147. WHEEL, AND I'M
GONNA DRIVE.
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148. YES, YOU WILL, GLENN!
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149. JUST MAKE SURE I'M NOWHERE
NEAR WHEN THE TIME COMES.
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150. ( intro to
"On Broadway" playing )
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151.
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152.
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153. GOOD WARM-UP, LADIES.
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154. LET'S GET
LINED UP.
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155. IT'S TIME TO SEE
WHO WANTS IT BAD ENOUGH.
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156. FIRST UP, SHANNON TUDYK.
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157. GIVE ME A "W" !
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158. "W" !
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159. GIVE ME AN "I".
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160. "I" !
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161. GIVE ME AN "N".
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162. "N" !
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163. WHAT'S IT SPELL?
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164. WIN!
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165. WOO!
"WIN."
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166. I KNEW THAT.
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167. THANK YOU, SHANNON.
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168. WOW, THAT ONE I HATE FOR
THE THINGS SHE CAN DO.
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169. SHE'S PERFECT!
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170. I AGREE, SHE'S IN.
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171. NEXT UP,
JERRI BLANK.
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172. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
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173. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
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174. WHAT'S IT SPELL?
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175. WIN!
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176. JERRI, UH... WHAT DOES
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y SPELL?
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177. FANDANGO?
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178. HOBO CAMP?
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179. HOB-HOBO CAMP!
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180. IS ILLITERATE!
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181. CALM DOWN, PEOPLE.
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182. THESE TRYOUTS
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183. RECOVERED FROM JERRI'S SHAME.
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184.
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185. SHAME.
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186. THERE'S THE FREAK
WHO CAN'T READ!
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187. HEY, JERRI.
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188. HEY, YOU ILLITERATE!
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189. YOU'RE SO ILLITERATE, YOU
PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN HEAR ME,
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190. YOU ILLITERATE!
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191.
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192. JERRI.
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193. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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194. LOOK, JERRI, I JUST—
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195. IT DOESN'T MATTER
THAT YOU CAN'T READ.
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196. DON'T LISTEN TO
ALL THAT CRAP.
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197. IT DOESN'T
CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.
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198. REALLY?
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199. YEAH.
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200. A MOVIE TONIGHT?
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201. I'D LOVE TO, DANIEL.
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202. THANKS.
GREAT.
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203. I'LL PICK YOU UP AT...
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204. OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
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205. IT'S A FOREIGN FILM,
WITH SUBTITLES.
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206. MATTER THAT YOU CAN'T READ,
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207. YOU DUMB NO-READING LOSER.
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208.
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209. PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN!
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210. JERRI BLANK, COME WITH ME.
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211. JERRI, I'M AN OBTUSE MAN,
SO I'LL TRY TO BE OBLIQUE.
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212. ME THE WHIPPING BOY
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213. OF THIS SCHOOL DISTRICT.
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214. MEETING THIS MORNING
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215. THEIR LITTLE LAUGH.
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216. OF CACKLING HYENAS,
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217. AND I WAS
THE WILDEBEEST CARCASS.
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218. READ, JERRI BLANK.
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219. AND MR. NOBLET HERE
IS GOING TO TEACH YOU.
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220. I'M NOT WORKING
WITH HIM.
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221. HE HATES ME.
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222. NONSENSE, JERRI.
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223. "MACARONIOUSLY" BELIEVES
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224. HATES THEM.
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225. ACTUALLY, ON THIS ONE,
SHE'S RIGHT ON THE MONEY.
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226. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
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227. WORKING TOGETHER.
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228. GET USED TO IT.
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229. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
BLANK...
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230. YOU LET MR. NOBLET
HERE TEACH YOU TO READ,
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231. AND I'LL PUSH BACK
THE TRYOUTS
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232. HAVE A CHANCE TO SQUEEZE
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233. INTO A CHEERLEADING OUTFIT.
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234. MR. NOBLET, DO YOU THINK
I COULD LEARN HOW TO READ?
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235. WELL, ANYTHING'S
POSSIBLE, JERRI.
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236. IT ALL DEPENDS UPON ME
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237. AND HOW MUCH TIME I'M
WILLING TO PUT IN.
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238. GET TO WORK.
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239. THE IGNORAMUS EXPRESS.
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240. OKAY, JERRI.
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241. THING WE SHOULD DO
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242. YOU'RE READING AT, OKAY?
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243. DICK AND JANE,
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244. WITH THE MAHABHARATA?
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245. WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME
WHAT YOU KNOW?
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246. THIS IS CRAZY,
I CAN READ.
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247. SO READ.
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248. BOOK.
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249. UH, DESK.
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250. DESKS!
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251. SINGULAR.
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252. CHAIR.
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253. SHIV.
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254. OKAY.
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255. LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE
STARTING IN THE WOMB.
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256. WHY DON'T WE JUST TRY
THE ALPHABET?
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257. OKAY, I'M GONNA
HOLD UP A CARD
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258. THAT HAS A LETTER ON IT,
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259. WHAT LETTER THAT IS.
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260. "B" !
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261. I HAVEN'T HELD UP
THE CARD YET, JERRI.
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262. OKAY, READY?
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263. TEPEE.
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264. DOGGY BONE.
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265. THE HANDLE BROKEN OFF.
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266. FAGGOT.
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267.
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268. JUST A READING JOKE.
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269. LET'S TRY THIS
ONE LAST TIME.
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270. JUH.
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271. JUH.
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272. EH.
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273. EH.
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274. RUH.
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275. RUH.
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276. EEH.
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277. EEH.
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278.
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279. GREAT.
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280. NOW PUT HER
ALL TOGETHER.
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281. UH... JIH... GYPSIES!
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282. FILTHY, DIRTY,
THIEVING GYPSIES!
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283. STUPID!
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284. WHAT?
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285. I'D SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU,
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286. BUT YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO READ.
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287. SO I'LL JUST SAY THIS AS
DELICATELY AS I KNOW HOW.
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288. YOU ARE A BIG, FAT, STUPID,
ZERO FATTIE!
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289. FATTIE?
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290. THAT'S IT,
I'VE HAD IT!
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291. CHEERLEADING ISN'T
WORTH ALL THIS!
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292. JERRI!
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293. MUY GRANDE Y MUY GORDO.
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294. REPETí.
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295. ESTE ESTUDIANTE ES MUY GRANDE Y MUY GORDO.
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296. MUY TARDE.
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297. UH, NO, EXCUSE ME.
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298. I'M LOOKING
FOR DRIVER'S ED.
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299. OH, THIS IS DRIVER'S ED.
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300. CUTBACK, THIS SEMESTER
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301. DRIVER'S ED AND SPANISH.
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302. SO, SIENTATE.
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303. HI, I'M IN CONTINUING
ADULT EDUCATION.
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304. DRIVER'S ED LIBRO.
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305. DONDE ESTá THE STOP SIGN?
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306. UH, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.
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307. THIS IS IN SPANISH.
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308. EXACTAMENTE.
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309. COMO SE LLAMO USTED?
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310. ANGELES PONS MONTEZ GARCIA Y PEREZ.
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311. COMO SE LLAMO USTED?
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312. GLENN?
HOLA, GLENN.
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313. THE STOP SIGN?
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314. UH...
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315. OH, ESO NO ES.
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316. ESO ES
THE YIELD SIGN.
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317. AQUí THE STOP SIGN.
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318. YIELD SIGN, STOP SIGN,
YIELD SIGN, STOP SIGN.
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319. AH, MUCHO ESTúPIDO.
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320. MUCHO ESTúPIDO.
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321. MUCHO ESTúPIDO.
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322. I'LL NEVER LEARN
HOW TO DRIVE.
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323. NEVER!
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324. NUNCA, NUNCA!
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325. HE'S THE BIG
FAT ZERO, NOT ME.
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326. GLENN?
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327. HOLA, JERRI.
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328. HEY, I'M BLOWING
THIS JOINT.
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329. YOU WITH ME?
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330. YOU'RE RIGHT, WHO WANTS
TO BE A BUS DRIVER?
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331. BE A CHEERLEADER?
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332. A CHEERLEADER?
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333. AREN'T YOU KINDA CHUNKY?
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334. COME ON, LET'S GO
GET HAMMERED.
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335. I'M SO EXCITED!
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336. I CAN'T WAIT FOR
THE BIG GAME!
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337. TO THE GAME SO SAFELY.
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338. I KNOW, BILL IS THE BEST
BUS DRIVER EVER.
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339. I KNOW, HE'S OUR HERO.
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340. BILL IS OUR HERO!
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341. BILL, BILL, BILL, BILL...
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342. TEPEE...
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343. STUPID.
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344. READY FOR MY LESSON, CHIEF.
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345. I DON'T
THINK SO, JERRI.
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346. I CAN DO NO MORE.
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347. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
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348. I MEAN I QUIT.
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349. BE A CHEERLEADER.
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350. WHY DON'T YOU
TRY TO BE SOMETHING
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351. A LITTLE MORE REALISTIC,
LIKE A PAPERWEIGHT?
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352. PAPERWEIGHT?
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353. NO, I STILL WANNA BE
A CHEERLEADER.
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354. LOOK, I HAVE DONE MY BEST
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355. THAT SKULL OF YOURS,
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356. BUT NOTHING TAKES.
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357. GOD, I WISH I KNEW WHAT WAS
GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD!
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358.
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359. I GUESS I'LL NEVER KNOW.
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360. SEE THE PROGRESS.
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361. HOW'S IT GOING, BLANK?
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362. OKAY.
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363. HM!
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364. I'M IMPRESSED.
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365. YOU SPELL?
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366. HOW ABOUT THIS?
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367. OKAY.
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368. ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
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369. OKAY, WELL, SPELL IT.
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370. "O"... "K".
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371. WHAT A SHAME.
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372. THE CHEERLEADING TRYOUTS
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373. CONQUER YOUR IDIOCY.
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374. BUT CLEARLY IDIOCY HAS WON!
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375. HERE YOU GO, JERRI.
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376. A SOUVENIR OF YOUR FAILURE.
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377. A FOUR-YEAR-OLD
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378. DECIPHER THEM FOR YOU.
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379. IT'S JUST MORE SHAME.
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380. C... CAAA... UHHH...
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381. CAUUUH... UHH...
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382. CAAAAAA...
CAAAAAA...
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383. CAAA...
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384. CAAAAA...
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385. WHAT WAS THAT?
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386. CAAAAAAA...
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387. MY GOD, JERRI.
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388. LETTER.
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389. LETTER IS A "T" !
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390. WHAT SOUND DOES "T"
MAKE, JERRI?
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391. PPP.
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392. NO, NO, SAY IT,
SAY IT.
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393. "T".
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394. GOOD, NOW PUT IT
TOGETHER.
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395. CAAAAAAATUH!
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396. YES, YES, YES!
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397. CAAAAAAT!
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398. CAT!
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399. BOOK, BOOK.
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400. B-O-O-K!
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401. BOOK!
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402. CUP!
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403. C-U-P!
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404. DESK!
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405. D-E-S-K!
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406. PENCIL!
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407. P-E-N-S-U-L!
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408. CLOSE ENOUGH.
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409. SHE KNOWS!
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410. SHE KNOWS!
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411. WAIT A MINUTE!
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412. A CHEERLEADER!
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413. GOD, DRAMA.
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414. I LOVE IT!
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415. JERRI, EVERYONE KNOWS
YOU CAN'T BE A CHEERLEADER
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416. IF YOU CAN'T SPELL.
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417. V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
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418. VICTORY, VICTORY,
THAT'S OUR CRY!
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419. I'M WONDERFUL!
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420. JERRI, WELCOME
TO THE SQUAD.
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421.
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422. GIVE ME A V-A-G!
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423. HEY, YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT SEEING ANYBODY.
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424.
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425. HEY, GLENN, LOOK.
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426. HEY, GLENN, I THOUGHT
YOU WENT BACK TO CLASS.
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427. I TRIED, BUT I COULDN'T
CONJUGATE THE VERBS.
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428. MANEJAR, MANEJO, MANEJE.
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429. I'LL NEVER LEARN
HOW TO DRIVE.
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430. BUT, GLENN,
YOU CAN'T GIVE UP.
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431. I DIDN'T GIVE UP.
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432. WELL, ACTUALLY, I DID,
BUT LATER I DIDN'T.
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433. THING CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.
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434. WELL, I BET IF YOU GOT BEHIND
THAT WHEEL AND JUST RELAXED,
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435. YOU'D KNOW WHAT TO DO.
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436. RIGHT, EVERYBODY?
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437.
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438. SEE, WE'RE ALL
BEHIND YOU, GLENN.
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439. THANKS, JERRI, BUT I ALREADY
TRIED THAT ONCE BEFORE.
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440. BUT YOU NEVER TRIED IT...
TWICE BEFORE.
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441. GLENN, GLENN,
GLENN, GLENN, GLENN...
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442. GLENN, GLENN, GLENN, GLENN, GLENN, GLENN...
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443. COME ON!
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444. LET'S HIT IT!
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445. WOO!
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446. YOU CAN DO IT!
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447. YES!
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448. GLENN, GLENN, GLENN
GLENN, GLENN, GLENN!
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449. GO!
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450. I'M DOING IT, JERRI!
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451. I'M DOING IT!
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452. HE'S DOING IT,
HE CAN DRIVE!
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453. AND I CAN READ.
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454. LOOK, I'LL READ
THE MAP.
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455. OH, NO, NO, NO,
THAT'S OKAY, JERRI.
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456. I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.
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457. WE DON'T WANNA
GET LOST.
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458. IT'S A VERY
IMPORTANT GAME.
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459. NO, JERRY, I KNOW
WHERE I'M GOING...
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460. NO, GLENN,
I GOT IT, I GOT IT...
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461. WE'RE GOING TOO FAST!
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462.
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463.
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464.
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465. WELL, I'VE LEARNED
A LOT THIS WEEK.
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466. I'VE LEARNED YOU
CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT,
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467. YOUR MIND TO IT.
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468. BUT I'VE ALSO
LEARNED THAT READING IS BAD.
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469. IF I HADN'T LEARNED
HOW TO READ,
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470. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE— SHH!
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471. WOULD HAVE BEEN HURT.
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472. SO DON'T
READ OR WRITE.
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473. IT'S DEADLY.
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474. GOOD NIGHT.
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475. AH-OW!
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476.
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477.
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