Strangers with Candy 1x9

Directed by Danny Leiner • Bob Balaban

Orlando Pabotoy as Orlando Pinatubo • Rebecca Rich as Becky Ann Bedecker • Sabine Singh as Yasmine Sarong • Chuck Caruso as Trake

Desperate to become homecoming queen, Jerri concocts some unique strategies to eliminate the competition.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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2. OVER HERE! C'MON! OVER HERE! C'MON!

3. OKAY, JEN, HEATHER, STACY, RIAHANA...

4. C'MON YASMINE!

5. C'MON, YASMINE, PICK ME!

6. LOOK, I GOT THE LEGS OF A MONGOOSE!

7. UHH, LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA GO WITH...

8. PEGGY.

9. PEGGY?

10. SORRY, JER, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE "ODD MAN OUT".

11. YEAH, WELL, IT'S YOUR LOSS!

12.

13. I GOT A WICKED ARM, Y'KNOW!

14. WHOOO, LET'S GO!

15. OWWWW!

16. NICE AIM, YASMINE!

17. SORRY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME

18. YOU'VE HAD BALLS SLAM AGAINST YOUR FACE.

19.

20. WHOOO!

21. C'MON, C'MON, C'MON, C'MON!

22. UGHN!

23. G-D IT! I'M NOT EVEN PLAYING!

24. HI, I'M JERRI BLANK

25. AND I'M A 46-YEAR-OLD EX-CON, HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN.

26. YOU KNOW...

27. THE SLAMMER.

28. THE FOOD SUCKS, THEY TELL YOU WHERE TO GO AND HOW TO DO IT

29. MAKE YOU THEIR BITCH,

30. YOU JUST STICK 'EM WITH A SHIV IN THE SHOWERS.

31. UGNH!

32.

33. HEY YOU THERE, VARSITY!

34. I'M SERIOUS NOW, I BETTER START SEEING

35. FACES IN MY ART CLASS, OK?

36. HEY, MR. JELLINECK?

37. THERE'S A RUMOR THAT YOU'RE RUNNING FOR HOMECOMING QUEEN.

38. THAT'S A CONTEST FOR THE GIRLS, P-JOHN.

39. I'M A BOY.

40. AW, TOO BAD, YOU GOT SUCH PRETTY HAIR.

41. HA, HA HA, HA HA, HA

42. COME HERE, GIRL!

43. WOOF! WOOF!

44. HEY, JER, I GOT A BONE FOR YA.

45. YEAH, WELL, I WANT A MEAL, NOT A SNACK.

46. OOOH! OOOH! OOOH! OOOH!

47. DERRICK, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S YOUR SISTER.

48. AH, HALF-SISTER.

49. YEAH, BUT SHE'S ALL UGLY.

50.

51. HOMECOMING QUEEN, JERRI.

52. WHAT, ARE YOU JOKING?

53. I DON'T THINK I'M WHAT THE BOYS CONSIDER A "TRADITIONAL BEAUTY."

54. AH, IN MY COUNTRY, YOU'D BE A REAL QUEEN.

55. YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR COUNTRY IS RULED BY MONKEYS.

56. JERRI, THAT'S AN UGLY THING TO SAY.

57. AW GEEZ, WHY'RE YOU PEOPLE SO SENSITIVE

58. RESEMBLANCE TO MONKEYS?

59. THEY'RE ADORABLE!

60. Y'KNOW, I GUESS I'M NOT SO BAD.

61. A WINNING SMILE.

62. WHAT THE HECK, I'M GONNA DO IT.

63. GOOD FOR YOU, JERRI.

64. I MEAN, WHY SHOULDN'T I?

65. Y'KNOW, I USED TO MAKE A LIVING ON THESE LOOKS ALONE.

66. WELL, THESE LOOKS...

67. MEXICAN DONKEY NAMED RAMONE.

68. OH, RAMONE.

69. UUMMP! GOOD TIMES.

70. WE'LL SEE!

71. BAKLAVA.

72. NOW, CAN ANYONE TELL ME...

73. OF THE TROJAN WAR?

74. ANYBODY?

75. TINA.

76. UMM... THAT HORSES ARE FRIENDLY CREATURES,

77. WAS USED TO DESTROY TROY?

78. WRONG, AND NO.

79. ANYONE ELSE?

80. CHIP.

81. WARRIOR, ACHILLES,

82. SMALL CUT TO HIS ANKLE!

83. CHIP IS WRONGER!

84. OKAY...

85. HERE IT IS.

86. THE TROJAN WAR IS THAT

87. FOUGHT OVER HELEN,

88. WHO WAS YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL...

89. BY THE TIME THEY RESCUED HER, TEN YEARS LATER,

90. SHE WAS OLD AND UGLY.

91. BUT WASN'T RECOVERING THE KING'S WIFE

92. FOR THE GREEKS?

93. TINA, AN UGLY WOMAN IS NEVER A REWARD.

94. REMEMBER THAT.

95. OKAY, MOVING ON...

96. SPIRO, YOU'RE GREEK.

97. ACHILLES FELT—

98. JERRI, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?

99. NOTHING...

100. LET'S HAVE IT.

101. IT'S NOTHING.

102. LET'S HAVE IT, JERRI, GIVE IT TO ME.

103. "MY VAGINA IS ON FIRE.

104. "I'M TRYING NOT TO SCRATCH IT, ORLANDO.

105. "I'M AFRAID IT'LL GET INFECTED.

106. "P.S.-- I JUST KNOW I'M GOING TO WIN THE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

107. "THAT'LL SHOW THOSE SONS-OF-BITCHES,

108. ESPECIALLY NOBLET THAT HOMO—" JERRI, SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

109.

110. TO SEE ME?

111. JERRI, I AM ALARMED BY THE CONTENT OF THIS NOTE...

112. MY VAGINA'S BEEN ALL PUFFY—

113. JERRI, THE OTHER CONTENT.

114. OH, I JUST WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN SO BADLY.

115. JERRI, I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

116. HOMECOMING QUEEN.

117. I JUST DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GET YOUR HOPES UP.

118. WELL, WHY NOT?

119. THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS.

120. LIKE WHICH ONES?

121. A LOT OF THEM.

122. BEAUTY...

123. YEAH, BEAUTY.

124. OHHH...

125. JERRI, LOOK, DON'T GET DOWN.

126. A LITTLE SECRET?

127. YOU'RE ONLY AS UGLY AS WE THINK YOU ARE.

128. YOU UNDERSTAND?

129. NOW WHY DON'T YOU RUN ALONG.

130. GO ON...

131. HAVE FUN.

132. YOU'RE ONLY YOUNG ONCE.

133. ENJOY IT.

134. YOU HAVE FUN.

135.

136.

137. C'MON, C'M—

138. AW, G-D IT!

139. DOING, JERRI?

140. YOU IDIOT!

141. MAKE ME DO?

142. OUT OF THIS BALLOT BOX

143. FINDS OUT.

144. IT'S TOO LATE, JERRI.

145. MR. NOBLET READ YOUR NOTE.

146. THAT'S RIGHT.

147. I'M GONNA BE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF FLATPOINT HIGH!

148. WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL WIN.

149. YEAH, IF NOBODY ELSE WAS NOMINATED!

150. SHHHH!

151. QUICK, HAND ME YOUR AFRO PICK!

152. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'VE GOT THAT COCONUT HEAD HAIR.

153. IN HERE, ANYTHING?

154. YEAH, C'MON.

155. STAND BACK.

156. YOU DOING?

157. GETTING MY NAME OUT...

158. GET RID OF THESE...

159. JERRI... OH MY—

160. THAT'S IT, JERRI BLANK, I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT.

161. JERRI, YOU CAN'T RUN AGAINST YOURSELF

162. THAT'S RIGHT, I NEED SOMEBODY UGLY.

163. WHO COULD I SHANGHAI?

164. NO OFFENSE.

165. I'M NOT CHINESE! I'M FILIPINO!

166. SLEEP AT NIGHT...

167.

168. MY STUFF, BECKY.

169. TO HELP, SPENCER.

170. OF COURSE, BECKY ANN BEDECKER!

171. THANK YOU, JESUS, DADDY AND THE SPOOK!

172. VERY SWEET GIRL, BUT A FACE THAT I CAN BEAT WITH MY ASS!

173. ALRIGHT, GIVE WAY!

174. MAKE ROOM!

175. EMPRESS ARE NOW CLOSED!

176. DISPUTANDEM EST!

177. LET'S GET IT ON!

178. OWW! HEH, HEH... OH, PARDON ME.

179. HAVE YOU SEEN "BOOTY CALL" ?

180. HEY THERE...

181. LUNCHTIME, SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.

182. VARSITY!

183. YOU KIDDERS.

184. HEY, JERRI!

185. SAY, MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

186. EMPTY CHAIRS FOR SOMEBODY?

187. NO...

188. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MR. JELLINECK?

189. OH, I JUST LIKE TO EAT WITH YOU KIDS EVERY SO OFTEN.

190. KEEPS ME IN TOUCH.

191. HEY, I JUST HEARD ABOUT YOUR NOMINATION!

192. GOOD FOR YOU.

193. YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE GOT THIS ONE WRAPPED UP.

194. I DON'T KNOW, I HEAR, UHH...

195. IS IN THE RACE

196. SOME STIFF COMPETITION.

197. AH, SHE'S A CAVE DWELLER.

198. YES, SHE IS, BUT SHE'S A SHOO-IN FOR THAT INNER BEAUTY CATEGORY.

199. "INNER BEAUTY" ? WHAT'S THAT?

200. IT'S ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT CATEGORY

201. COMPETITION.

202. WELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FLAUNT MY INNER BEAUTY

203. BUNCH OF JUDGES?

204. WELL, TRADITIONALLY, EACH CONTESTANT HELPS SOMEONE NEEDY.

205. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE, DO YOU?

206. OF COURSE, I DO.

207. WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SUCH A POPULAR TEACHER...

208. GOOD ONE, P-JOHN!

209. JERRI, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WIN THE HOMECOMING CROWN,

210. IT'S INNER BEAUTY THAT WINS PEOPLE'S HEARTS.

211. GOD DAMN IT!

212. A BAKED POTATO? THAT HURT!

213. LOOK, I'M ENJOYING THIS AS MUCH AS YOU PEOPLE,

214. BUT IT IS GONNA TO STOP NOW!

215.

216. Y'KNOW, I REALLY DO WANNA WIN, BUT...

217. I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA HELP SOMEONE.

218. LEMME THINK ABOUT IT.

219. OH, JERRI!

220. AHHH, JERRI...

221. WITH MY CROWN?

222. PLEASE, DON'T SOIL MY MEMORIES.

223. OH MY CROWN!

224. MOM, WHAT DID YOU DO TO WIN HOMECOMING QUEEN?

225. HUH, OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS, WELL...

226. FOUR-AND-A-HALF FOOT TOSS.

227. SECTION...

228. I, UMMM...

229. OH YES... I COLLECTED GREEN STAMPS FOR THE TERMINALLY ILL.

230. WHY?

231. I WAS NOMINATED TODAY.

232. OH, JERRI.

233. I'M SORRY, KIDS CAN BE SO CRUEL IN THEIR PRANKS.

234. I'LL HAVE YOUR FATHER CALL PRINCIPAL BLACK MAN TOMORROW.

235. IT WASN'T A PRANK.

236. IT'S FOR REAL, STEP-MOTHER,

237. GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING.

238. YOU DO, DARLING,

239. AND I'M A CARIBOU.

240. SASH PLEASE.

241. OH, OH... TSSSSS!

242. HEY, DICK-LICK...

243. HEY, DICK-LICK, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.

244. TAKE A HIKE, RUB,

245. I'M MAKING OUT WITH YASMINE.

246. HEY, JERRI, HOW'S YOUR FACE?

247. OH, A LOT OF THE SWELLING'S GONE DOWN,

248. THANKS FOR ASKING, YASMINE.

249. BEAT IT, PLUG.

250. I DON'T WANT TO ASSOCIATE YOU

251. WITH PLEASURE.

252. WELL, LOOK, I'LL MAKE THIS AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE.

253. AS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD,

254. HOMECOMING QUEEN, TODAY...

255. OF THE TROLLS.

256. YOU LIKE THAT, YASMINE?

257. WHEN I'M MEAN TO HER?

258. YEAH, YEAH IT DOES.

259. OHH, ME TOO.

260. EXCUSE ME!

261. AND SINCE YOU'RE VARSITY AND YOU GUYS GET TO VOTE FOR QUEEN,

262. ARE GONNA VOTE FOR?

263. BECKY ANN, ALL OF US ARE.

264. BECKY ANN? BUT WHY?

265. WELL, THAT'S TRICKY.

266. I MEAN, GRANTED THEY'RE BOTH UGLY, RIGHT?

267. OH YEAH.

268. WHAT CAN I SAY?

269. SHE HELPS PEOPLE.

270. CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT ON LOOKS,

271. THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TO GO ON.

272.

273. HE'S GAY, RIGHT?

274. AN ERECTION RIGHT NOW.

275. EXCUSE ME!

276. EXCUSE ME!

277. COMING THROUGH—

278. CRIPPLED BOY.

279. CRIPPLED BOY HERE.

280. CALL ME THAT?

281. DOING, JERRI?

282. WELL, I VOLUNTEERED TO ENTERTAIN

283. AT THE HOSPITAL.

284. THEN WHY AREN'T YOU AT THE HOSPITAL?

285. WELL, IF A TREE IS NICE IN THE FOREST

286. AND NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE IT,

287. HOMECOMING QUEEN?

288. GOLDEN SATCHELS PLEASE, ORLANDO.

289. HI THERE, JERRI.

290. OH, HELLO, BECKY.

291. YOU HELP CAN WALK...

292. HOW CONVENIENT.

293. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM, JER?

294. DON'T TOUCH!

295. STEP AWAY!

296. SOME LIGHT-HEARTED CLOWNING

297. TO LIFT HIS SPIRITS!

298. YAAAYYYYY!

299. IT'S TIME FOR THE ANIMAL SHOW!

300. WHOOOOOOO!

301. GET THE CHICKEN, JERRI?

302. OHHH, FROM A KOREAN GROCER— OKAY...

303. ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A PRINCESS NAMED...

304. "CLUCKERS" !

305. WHOOOO!

306.

307. SHE WAS UGLY,

308. HAD RUBY EGGS.

309. BUT SHE WAS SO LONELY...

310. UNTIL ONE DARK NIGHT

311. SHOWED UP TO THE CASTLE.

312. PRINCE...

313. WEASEL!

314. YAAAAYY!

315. PRINCE WEASEL!

316. WHOOOO!

317. THERE WE GO.

318.

319. SO, WELL, AT FIRST, ALRIGHT,

320. CIRCLING THE PRINCESS,

321. A LITTLE NERVOUS.

322.

323. OH, THEN HE KISSED HER ON THE NECK.

324. SLOW DOWN, PRINCE.

325. OHH GOD.

326.

327. OHHH GOD!

328. HER HEAD OFF!

329. OKAY, CALM DOWN.

330. STOP IT!

331. IT'S OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM THE SCARY CLOWN.

332. NO, COME BACK!

333. EVERYBODY, IT'S OKAY IT'S COOL.

334. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BLOOD AND WE'VE ALL SEEN BLOOD BEFORE.

335. OH MY GOD!

336. GET AWAY, GO!

337. ANYBODY WANT LEMON?

338. GEOFFREY, WOULD I MAKE A GOOD STRAWBERRY BLONDE?

339. I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO.

340. BRING IT ON, CHERRY.

341. MR. JELLINECK, COULD I TALK TO YOU?

342. AWWW, YOU'RE IN MY SUN!

343. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, JERRI?

344. I DON'T THINK I'M GOOD AT HELPING OTHER PEOPLE.

345. WHY NOT?

346. WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.

347. I LIKE ME.

348. BE ABOUT YOU, JERRI?

349. WELL, I MAY NOT BE MUCH, BUT I'M ALL I THINK ABOUT.

350. BUT THAT'S EXACTLY HOW YOU HELP PEOPLE!

351. TALK ABOUT YOU!

352. SHARE WHAT'S IN HERE...

353. THAT'S WHERE THE TRUE BEAUTY IS...

354. DID I GET ANY COLOR TODAY?

355. OH YEAH.

356. MY BIG ROYAL HEINIE!

357. NOBLET, YOU ARE IN MY SPOT.

358. OH, SORRY.

359. CAN I LOTION YOU UP?

360. NO THANK YOU...

361. ALREADY GREASED ME.

362. DAMN!

363. I HOPE SHE DIDN'T USE TOO MUCH SUNSCREEN.

364. AS DARK AS AN EGGPLANT.

365. JERRI!

366. WHERE'S MY LEMON?

367. AHHHH!

368. HO!

369. LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE DONKETTS!

370. YEAHH!

371. WHOOOO!

372. HEY, DO WE KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

373. WHAT TIME IT IS?

374. IT'S DONKEY TIME! IT'S DONKEY TIME! IT'S DONKEY TIME!

375. THAT'S RIGHT!

376.

377.

378. WHOOO!

379. HEY! HEY! HEY!

380. HEY! HEY! HEY!

381. HEY! HEY! HEY!

382. YEAHHH!

383. NOW IT'S TIME TO ROPE AND BRAND THE DONKEY!

384. YAYY! YAYY! YAYY!

385.

386. FOR FLATPOINT!

387. EXPOSE HIS FLANK, I ONLY GET ONE CHANCE AT THIS.

388. WELL, BECK, I GUESS YOU PROVED

389. PRETTIER THAN MINE.

390. ME QUEEN!

391. A BOOZER, A USER AND A TWO-TIME LOSER.

392. WELL, JERRI, MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL LEARN TO

393. TO HELP OTHER STUDENTS

394. YOU TRAVELLED.

395. TALK ABOUT YOU...

396. TALK ABOUT YOU...

397. AND WE'LL DO THE SAME TO THE CHARLATAN CONCHS!

398. BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO CROWN OUR QUEEN!

399. WE'RE GOING TO HEAR FROM EACH CONTESTANT

400. THEY WANT TO BE QUEEN.

401. BECKY ANN BEDECKER.

402.

403. THANK YOU.

404. BEFORE YESTERDAY, I THOUGHT BEING QUEEN WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING,

405. OF A SMALL WHEELCHAIR-BOUND BOY,

406. BY HELPING OTHERS,

407. I'VE ALREADY WON MY CROWN.

408. SNUGLY AROUND MY HEART.

409. THANK YOU.

410. THANK YOU, BECKY, FOR THAT HEART-WARMING BLATHER.

411. JERRI?

412.

413. HOW MANY OF YOU...

414. IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM

415. LYING IN A POOL, OF WHAT YOU HOPE,

416. IS YOUR OWN FILTH!

417.

418. ANY TAKERS?

419. WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY

420. FROM EVER HAPPENING.

421. THE JEW IN THE BACK,

422. YOU'RE THINKING,

423. YOU'RE THINKIN', "NOT ME."

424. WELL I'M ONE TOUGH COOKIE,

425. AND I COULDN'T GET AWAY WITH IT.

426. GET AWAY WITH WHAT?

427. YOU DO THAT I DID.

428. WHAT'S YOUR DARKEST SECRET?

429. TOO MUCH?

430. OBSESSIVE, JUST LIKE ME.

431. A TAN DRESS,

432. IN EVERY COLOR.

433. IN BONE, IN BEIGE, IN TAN.

434. YOU WITH THE HAIR,

435. WITH SOCIETY'S BULL?

436. TO FIT IN.

437. EXACTLY!

438. I COULDN'T HIT THE STREET SCENE WITH THE SQUARES,

439. SO I'D SHOOT UP A "HOT LOAD" RIGHT THERE

440. JUST SO I COULD COPE!

441. HOW DO YOU GET OFF?

442. TALKING ABOUT?

443. RIGHT, ESCAPIST JUST LIKE I USED TO BE...

444. ONE SNORT OF TICK

445. YOU'RE GONNA END UP?

446. MAKING JUNK MONEY

447. INDONESIAN BUSINESSMEN.

448. I'M TALKING ABOUT,

449. PATHOLOGICAL LIAR,

450. AND EVERYTHING I'M SAYING IS THE TRUTH.

451. THANK YOU.

452. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

453. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

454. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

455. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

456. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

457. WELL, WE SUDDENLY HAVE A RACE ON OUR HANDS.

458. JUDGES, TALLY YOUR VOTES!

459. TALLYHO!

460.

461. AND MY NEW QUEEN IS...

462. YASMINE SARRONG!

463. OH, MY GOD!

464. YASMINE?

465. SHE WASN'T EVEN NOMINATED!

466. CONGRATULATIONS.

467. THIS SAYS "JERRI."

468. OH, CLOSE. VERY CLOSE.

469. CLOSE? I WON!

470. JERRI, CLEARLY YOU HAVE INNER BEAUTY.

471. NOW, IF YOU COULD TAKE THAT BEAUTY,

472. LIKE BACON AROUND A FILET,

473. YOU'D HAVE SOMETHING.

474. YO, YASSY, WAIT FOR ME!

475. HEY, JERRI, I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

476. YOU GOT ROBBED, MAN.

477. NO, ORLANDO, I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON...

478. MAY BE ITS OWN REWARD, BUT...

479. AN ASS LIKE YASMINE.

480. UUMMPH!

481. DAMN, SHE'S GOT A NICE ASS!

482. OH LOOK, THE DONKEY'S STILL KICKING.

483. I USED TO DO WITH RAMONE!

484. OH, RAMONE!

485. I'LL SHOW YA...

486. I'LL SHOW YA AN EASY ONE...

487. YOU GET THE TEETH—