Strangers with Candy 1x9

Directed by Danny Leiner • Bob Balaban

Orlando Pabotoy as Orlando Pinatubo • Rebecca Rich as Becky Ann Bedecker • Sabine Singh as Yasmine Sarong • Chuck Caruso as Trake

Desperate to become homecoming queen, Jerri concocts some unique strategies to eliminate the competition.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. ( girls yelling )

2. ( Jerri ) OVER HERE! C'MON! OVER HERE! C'MON!

3. ( Yasmine ) OKAY, JEN, HEATHER, STACY, RIAHANA...

4. C'MON YASMINE!

5. C'MON, YASMINE, PICK ME!

6. LOOK, I GOT THE LEGS OF A MONGOOSE!

7. UHH, LOOKS LIKE I'M GONNA GO WITH...

8. PEGGY.

9. PEGGY?

10. SORRY, JER, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE "ODD MAN OUT".

11. YEAH, WELL, IT'S YOUR LOSS!

12. ( whistle blows )

13. I GOT A WICKED ARM, Y'KNOW!

14. WHOOO, LET'S GO!

15. OWWWW!

16. NICE AIM, YASMINE!

17. SORRY, BUT I'M SURE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME

18. YOU'VE HAD BALLS SLAM AGAINST YOUR FACE.

19. ( muttering mockingly )

20. ( girls ) WHOOO!

21. C'MON, C'MON, C'MON, C'MON!

22. UGHN!

23. G-D IT! I'M NOT EVEN PLAYING!

24. HI, I'M JERRI BLANK

25. AND I'M A 46-YEAR-OLD EX-CON, HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN.

26. YOU KNOW...

27. HIGH SCHOOL IS A LOT LIKE THE SLAMMER.

28. THE FOOD SUCKS, THEY TELL YOU WHERE TO GO AND HOW TO DO IT

29. AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU THEIR BITCH,

30. YOU JUST STICK 'EM WITH A SHIV IN THE SHOWERS.

31. UGNH!

32. ( boys chattering )

33. HEY YOU THERE, VARSITY!

34. I'M SERIOUS NOW, I BETTER START SEEING

35. SOME OF YOUR YOUNG ATHLETIC FACES IN MY ART CLASS, OK?

36. HEY, MR. JELLINECK?

37. THERE'S A RUMOR THAT YOU'RE RUNNING FOR HOMECOMING QUEEN.

38. THAT'S A CONTEST FOR THE GIRLS, P-JOHN.

39. I'M A BOY.

40. AW, TOO BAD, YOU GOT SUCH PRETTY HAIR.

41. HA, HA HA, HA HA, HA

42. COME HERE, GIRL!

43. WOOF! WOOF!

44. HEY, JER, I GOT A BONE FOR YA.

45. YEAH, WELL, I WANT A MEAL, NOT A SNACK.

46. OOOH! OOOH! OOOH! OOOH!

47. DERRICK, I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S YOUR SISTER.

48. AH, HALF-SISTER.

49. YEAH, BUT SHE'S ALL UGLY.

50. ( all chuckling )

51. YOU SHOULD RUN FOR HOMECOMING QUEEN, JERRI.

52. WHAT, ARE YOU JOKING?

53. I DON'T THINK I'M WHAT THE BOYS CONSIDER A "TRADITIONAL BEAUTY."

54. AH, IN MY COUNTRY, YOU'D BE A REAL QUEEN.

55. YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR COUNTRY IS RULED BY MONKEYS.

56. JERRI, THAT'S AN UGLY THING TO SAY.

57. AW GEEZ, WHY'RE YOU PEOPLE SO SENSITIVE

58. ABOUT YOUR RESEMBLANCE TO MONKEYS?

59. THEY'RE ADORABLE!

60. Y'KNOW, I GUESS I'M NOT SO BAD.

61. I DO HAVE A WINNING SMILE.

62. WHAT THE HECK, I'M GONNA DO IT.

63. GOOD FOR YOU, JERRI.

64. I MEAN, WHY SHOULDN'T I?

65. Y'KNOW, I USED TO MAKE A LIVING ON THESE LOOKS ALONE.

66. WELL, THESE LOOKS...

67. AND A VERY FRIENDLY MEXICAN DONKEY NAMED RAMONE.

68. OH, RAMONE.

69. UUMMP! GOOD TIMES.

70. WE'LL SEE!

71. BAKLAVA.

72. NOW, CAN ANYONE TELL ME...

73. THE TRAGIC IRONY OF THE TROJAN WAR?

74. ANYBODY?

75. TINA.

76. UMM... THAT HORSES ARE FRIENDLY CREATURES,

77. YET A HOLLOW WOODEN ONE WAS USED TO DESTROY TROY?

78. WRONG, AND NO.

79. ANYONE ELSE?

80. CHIP.

81. THAT THE MIGHTY WARRIOR, ACHILLES,

82. WAS KILLED BY A SMALL CUT TO HIS ANKLE!

83. CHIP IS WRONGER!

84. OKAY...

85. HERE IT IS.

86. THE TRAGIC IRONY OF THE TROJAN WAR IS THAT

87. THOUGH IT WAS FOUGHT OVER HELEN,

88. WHO WAS YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL...

89. BY THE TIME THEY RESCUED HER, TEN YEARS LATER,

90. SHE WAS OLD AND UGLY.

91. BUT WASN'T RECOVERING THE KING'S WIFE

92. REWARD ENOUGH FOR THE GREEKS?

93. TINA, AN UGLY WOMAN IS NEVER A REWARD.

94. REMEMBER THAT.

95. OKAY, MOVING ON...

96. SPIRO, YOU'RE GREEK.

97. HOW DO YOU THINK ACHILLES FELT—

98. JERRI, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THERE?

99. NOTHING...

100. LET'S HAVE IT.

101. IT'S NOTHING.

102. LET'S HAVE IT, JERRI, GIVE IT TO ME.

103. "MY VAGINA IS ON FIRE.

104. "I'M TRYING NOT TO SCRATCH IT, ORLANDO.

105. "I'M AFRAID IT'LL GET INFECTED.

106. "P.S.-- I JUST KNOW I'M GOING TO WIN THE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

107. "THAT'LL SHOW THOSE SONS-OF-BITCHES,

108. ESPECIALLY NOBLET THAT HOMO—" JERRI, SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

109. ( bell rings )

110. YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?

111. JERRI, I AM ALARMED BY THE CONTENT OF THIS NOTE...

112. MY VAGINA'S BEEN ALL PUFFY—

113. JERRI, THE OTHER CONTENT.

114. OH, I JUST WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN SO BADLY.

115. JERRI, I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

116. WE ALL WANT TO BE HOMECOMING QUEEN.

117. I JUST DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GET YOUR HOPES UP.

118. WELL, WHY NOT?

119. YOU FALL SHORT ON SO MANY OF THE ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS.

120. LIKE WHICH ONES?

121. A LOT OF THEM.

122. BEAUTY...

123. YEAH, BEAUTY.

124. OHHH...

125. JERRI, LOOK, DON'T GET DOWN.

126. YOU WANNA HEAR A LITTLE SECRET?

127. YOU'RE ONLY AS UGLY AS WE THINK YOU ARE.

128. YOU UNDERSTAND?

129. NOW WHY DON'T YOU RUN ALONG.

130. GO ON...

131. HAVE FUN.

132. YOU'RE ONLY YOUNG ONCE.

133. ENJOY IT.

134. YOU HAVE FUN.

135. ( sobbing )

136. ( sniffs )

137. C'MON, C'M—

138. AW, G-D IT!

139. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JERRI?

140. YOU IDIOT!

141. WHAT DID I LET YOU MAKE ME DO?

142. I GOTTA GET MY NAME OUT OF THIS BALLOT BOX

143. BEFORE ANYBODY FINDS OUT.

144. IT'S TOO LATE, JERRI.

145. THE WHOLE CLASS HEARD MR. NOBLET READ YOUR NOTE.

146. THAT'S RIGHT.

147. I'M GONNA BE THE LAUGHING STOCK OF FLATPOINT HIGH!

148. WELL, MAYBE YOU'LL WIN.

149. YEAH, IF NOBODY ELSE WAS NOMINATED!

150. SHHHH!

151. QUICK, HAND ME YOUR AFRO PICK!

152. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'VE GOT THAT COCONUT HEAD HAIR.

153. WHAT HAVE I GOT IN HERE, ANYTHING?

154. YEAH, C'MON.

155. STAND BACK.

156. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

157. GETTING MY NAME OUT...

158. GET RID OF THESE...

159. JERRI... OH MY—

160. THAT'S IT, JERRI BLANK, I'M THE ONLY ONE LEFT.

161. JERRI, YOU CAN'T RUN AGAINST YOURSELF

162. THAT'S RIGHT, I NEED SOMEBODY UGLY.

163. WHO COULD I SHANGHAI?

164. NO OFFENSE.

165. I'M NOT CHINESE! I'M FILIPINO!

166. WHATEVER LETS YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT...

167. ( bell rings )

168. THANKS FOR CARRYING MY STUFF, BECKY.

169. JUST TRYING TO HELP, SPENCER.

170. OF COURSE, BECKY ANN BEDECKER!

171. THANK YOU, JESUS, DADDY AND THE SPOOK!

172. VERY SWEET GIRL, BUT A FACE THAT I CAN BEAT WITH MY ASS!

173. ALRIGHT, GIVE WAY!

174. MAKE ROOM!

175. NOMINATIONS FOR MY HOMECOMING EMPRESS ARE NOW CLOSED!

176. DEGUSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDEM EST!

177. LET'S GET IT ON!

178. OWW! HEH, HEH... OH, PARDON ME.

179. ( Jerri ) HAVE YOU SEEN "BOOTY CALL" ?

180. HEY THERE...

181. LUNCHTIME, SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY.

182. VARSITY!

183. YOU KIDDERS.

184. HEY, JERRI!

185. SAY, MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

186. OR ARE YOU SAVING ALL THESE EMPTY CHAIRS FOR SOMEBODY?

187. NO...

188. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MR. JELLINECK?

189. OH, I JUST LIKE TO EAT WITH YOU KIDS EVERY SO OFTEN.

190. KEEPS ME IN TOUCH.

191. HEY, I JUST HEARD ABOUT YOUR NOMINATION!

192. GOOD FOR YOU.

193. YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE GOT THIS ONE WRAPPED UP.

194. I DON'T KNOW, I HEAR, UHH...

195. BECKY ANN BEDECKER IS IN THE RACE

196. AND SHE COULD BE SOME STIFF COMPETITION.

197. AH, SHE'S A CAVE DWELLER.

198. YES, SHE IS, BUT SHE'S A SHOO-IN FOR THAT INNER BEAUTY CATEGORY.

199. "INNER BEAUTY" ? WHAT'S THAT?

200. IT'S ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT CATEGORY

201. IN THE WHOLE COMPETITION.

202. WELL, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FLAUNT MY INNER BEAUTY

203. IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF JUDGES?

204. WELL, TRADITIONALLY, EACH CONTESTANT HELPS SOMEONE NEEDY.

205. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE, DO YOU?

206. OF COURSE, I DO.

207. WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SUCH A POPULAR TEACHER...

208. GOOD ONE, P-JOHN!

209. JERRI, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WIN THE HOMECOMING CROWN,

210. IT'S INNER BEAUTY THAT WINS PEOPLE'S HEARTS.

211. GOD DAMN IT!

212. A BAKED POTATO? THAT HURT!

213. LOOK, I'M ENJOYING THIS AS MUCH AS YOU PEOPLE,

214. BUT IT IS GONNA TO STOP NOW!

215. ( thud )

216. Y'KNOW, I REALLY DO WANNA WIN, BUT...

217. I DON'T KNOW IF I WANNA HELP SOMEONE.

218. LEMME THINK ABOUT IT.

219. OH, JERRI!

220. AHHH, JERRI...

221. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CROWN?

222. PLEASE, DON'T SOIL MY MEMORIES.

223. OH MY CROWN!

224. MOM, WHAT DID YOU DO TO WIN HOMECOMING QUEEN?

225. HUH, OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS, WELL...

226. I GAVE THE DONKEY A RECORD FOUR-AND-A-HALF FOOT TOSS.

227. AND FOR THE INNER BEAUTY SECTION...

228. I, UMMM...

229. OH YES... I COLLECTED GREEN STAMPS FOR THE TERMINALLY ILL.

230. WHY?

231. I WAS NOMINATED TODAY.

232. OH, JERRI.

233. I'M SORRY, KIDS CAN BE SO CRUEL IN THEIR PRANKS.

234. I'LL HAVE YOUR FATHER CALL PRINCIPAL BLACK MAN TOMORROW.

235. IT WASN'T A PRANK.

236. IT'S FOR REAL, STEP-MOTHER,

237. AND I HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING.

238. OF COURSE YOU DO, DARLING,

239. AND I'M A CARIBOU.

240. SASH PLEASE.

241. OH, OH... TSSSSS!

242. HEY, DICK-LICK...

243. HEY, DICK-LICK, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.

244. TAKE A HIKE, RUB,

245. I'M MAKING OUT WITH YASMINE.

246. HEY, JERRI, HOW'S YOUR FACE?

247. OH, A LOT OF THE SWELLING'S GONE DOWN,

248. THANKS FOR ASKING, YASMINE.

249. BEAT IT, PLUG.

250. I DON'T WANT TO ASSOCIATE YOU

251. WITH PLEASURE.

252. WELL, LOOK, I'LL MAKE THIS AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE.

253. AS YOU MAY HAVE HEARD,

254. I WAS NOMINATED FOR HOMECOMING QUEEN, TODAY...

255. MORE LIKE QUEEN OF THE TROLLS.

256. YOU LIKE THAT, YASMINE?

257. THAT TURN YOU ON WHEN I'M MEAN TO HER?

258. YEAH, YEAH IT DOES.

259. OHH, ME TOO.

260. EXCUSE ME!

261. AND SINCE YOU'RE VARSITY AND YOU GUYS GET TO VOTE FOR QUEEN,

262. CAN I ASK WHO YOU GUYS ARE GONNA VOTE FOR?

263. BECKY ANN, ALL OF US ARE.

264. BECKY ANN? BUT WHY?

265. WELL, THAT'S TRICKY.

266. I MEAN, GRANTED THEY'RE BOTH UGLY, RIGHT?

267. OH YEAH.

268. WHAT CAN I SAY?

269. SHE HELPS PEOPLE.

270. AND SINCE YOU BOTH BASICALLY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT ON LOOKS,

271. THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TO GO ON.

272. ( both laughing )

273. YOU KNOW HE'S GAY, RIGHT?

274. YOU ARE SO LUCKY I HAVE AN ERECTION RIGHT NOW.

275. EXCUSE ME!

276. EXCUSE ME!

277. HOMECOMING QUEEN NOMINEE COMING THROUGH—

278. CRIPPLED BOY.

279. CRIPPLED BOY HERE.

280. COULD YOU NOT CALL ME THAT?

281. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JERRI?

282. WELL, I VOLUNTEERED TO ENTERTAIN

283. SICKLY CHILDREN AT THE HOSPITAL.

284. THEN WHY AREN'T YOU AT THE HOSPITAL?

285. WELL, IF A TREE IS NICE IN THE FOREST

286. AND NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE IT,

287. DOES IT BECOME HOMECOMING QUEEN?

288. HAND ME MY GOLDEN SATCHELS PLEASE, ORLANDO.

289. HI THERE, JERRI.

290. OH, HELLO, BECKY.

291. I HEAR MOST OF THE PEOPLE YOU HELP CAN WALK...

292. HOW CONVENIENT.

293. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM, JER?

294. DON'T TOUCH!

295. STEP AWAY!

296. WHAT THIS YOUNGSTER NEEDS IS SOME LIGHT-HEARTED CLOWNING

297. TO LIFT HIS SPIRITS!

298. YAAAYYYYY!

299. IT'S TIME FOR THE ANIMAL SHOW!

300. WHOOOOOOO!

301. WHERE DID YOU GET THE CHICKEN, JERRI?

302. OHHH, FROM A KOREAN GROCER— OKAY...

303. ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A PRINCESS NAMED...

304. "CLUCKERS" !

305. WHOOOO!

306. ( applause )

307. AND EVERYBODY THOUGHT SHE WAS UGLY,

308. BUT HER INSIDES HAD RUBY EGGS.

309. BUT SHE WAS SO LONELY...

310. UNTIL ONE DARK NIGHT

311. A HANDSOME PRINCE SHOWED UP TO THE CASTLE.

312. HIS NAME WAS PRINCE...

313. WEASEL!

314. YAAAAYY!

315. PRINCE WEASEL!

316. WHOOOO!

317. THERE WE GO.

318. ( Cluckers clucking )

319. SO, WELL, AT FIRST, ALRIGHT,

320. THE PRINCE STARTED CIRCLING THE PRINCESS,

321. WHICH MADE THE PRINCESS A LITTLE NERVOUS.

322. ( Cluckers squawking )

323. OH, THEN HE KISSED HER ON THE NECK.

324. SLOW DOWN, PRINCE.

325. OHH GOD.

326. ( weasel squealing )

327. OHHH GOD!

328. HE KISSED HER HEAD OFF!

329. OKAY, CALM DOWN.

330. STOP IT!

331. IT'S OKAY, I'LL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM THE SCARY CLOWN.

332. NO, COME BACK!

333. EVERYBODY, IT'S OKAY IT'S COOL.

334. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BLOOD AND WE'VE ALL SEEN BLOOD BEFORE.

335. ( munching ) OH MY GOD!

336. GET AWAY, GO!

337. ANYBODY WANT LEMON?

338. GEOFFREY, WOULD I MAKE A GOOD STRAWBERRY BLONDE?

339. I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO.

340. BRING IT ON, CHERRY.

341. MR. JELLINECK, COULD I TALK TO YOU?

342. AWWW, YOU'RE IN MY SUN!

343. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, JERRI?

344. I DON'T THINK I'M GOOD AT HELPING OTHER PEOPLE.

345. WHY NOT?

346. WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.

347. I LIKE ME.

348. DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ABOUT YOU, JERRI?

349. WELL, I MAY NOT BE MUCH, BUT I'M ALL I THINK ABOUT.

350. BUT THAT'S EXACTLY HOW YOU HELP PEOPLE!

351. TALK ABOUT YOU!

352. SHARE WHAT'S IN HERE...

353. THAT'S WHERE THE TRUE BEAUTY IS...

354. DID I GET ANY COLOR TODAY?

355. OH YEAH.

356. MAKE ROOM FOR MY BIG ROYAL HEINIE!

357. NOBLET, YOU ARE IN MY SPOT.

358. OH, SORRY.

359. CAN I LOTION YOU UP?

360. NO THANK YOU...

361. BECKY ANN BEDECKER ALREADY GREASED ME.

362. DAMN!

363. I HOPE SHE DIDN'T USE TOO MUCH SUNSCREEN.

364. BY HOMECOMING I WANT TO BE AS DARK AS AN EGGPLANT.

365. JERRI!

366. WHERE'S MY LEMON?

367. AHHHH!

368. HO!

369. LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE DONKETTS!

370. YEAHH!

371. WHOOOO!

372. HEY, DO WE KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

373. DO WE ALL KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

374. IT'S DONKEY TIME! IT'S DONKEY TIME! IT'S DONKEY TIME!

375. THAT'S RIGHT!

376. ( organ playing "Choo-Choo" )

377. ( organ playing "Charge" )

378. WHOOO!

379. HEY! HEY! HEY!

380. HEY! HEY! HEY!

381. HEY! HEY! HEY!

382. YEAHHH!

383. NOW IT'S TIME TO ROPE AND BRAND THE DONKEY!

384. YAYY! YAYY! YAYY!

385. ( panting )

386. I CLAIM THIS MULE FOR FLATPOINT!

387. EXPOSE HIS FLANK, I ONLY GET ONE CHANCE AT THIS.

388. WELL, BECK, I GUESS YOU PROVED

389. YOUR INSIDES ARE PRETTIER THAN MINE.

390. WHAT WAS I THINKING— ME QUEEN!

391. A BOOZER, A USER AND A TWO-TIME LOSER.

392. WELL, JERRI, MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL LEARN TO

393. USE YOUR HORRIBLE PAST TO HELP OTHER STUDENTS

394. AVOID THE SAME ROAD YOU TRAVELLED.

395. ( voice echoing ) TALK ABOUT YOU...

396. TALK ABOUT YOU...

397. AND WE'LL DO THE SAME TO THE CHARLATAN CONCHS!

398. BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO CROWN OUR QUEEN!

399. WE'RE GOING TO HEAR FROM EACH CONTESTANT

400. AS THEY TELL US WHY THEY WANT TO BE QUEEN.

401. BECKY ANN BEDECKER.

402. ( applause )

403. THANK YOU.

404. BEFORE YESTERDAY, I THOUGHT BEING QUEEN WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING,

405. BUT AFTER COMING TO THE AID OF A SMALL WHEELCHAIR-BOUND BOY,

406. I REALIZED THAT BY HELPING OTHERS,

407. I'VE ALREADY WON MY CROWN.

408. A CROWN THAT FITS SNUGLY AROUND MY HEART.

409. THANK YOU.

410. THANK YOU, BECKY, FOR THAT HEART-WARMING BLATHER.

411. JERRI?

412. ( sparse applause )

413. HOW MANY OF YOU...

414. WANT TO WAKE UP IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM

415. LYING IN A POOL, OF WHAT YOU HOPE,

416. IS YOUR OWN FILTH!

417. ( nervous chuckle )

418. ANY TAKERS?

419. HOPEFULLY WHAT I'VE GOT TO SAY

420. WILL KEEP THAT FROM EVER HAPPENING.

421. THE JEW IN THE BACK,

422. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,

423. YOU'RE THINKIN', "NOT ME."

424. WELL I'M ONE TOUGH COOKIE,

425. AND I COULDN'T GET AWAY WITH IT.

426. GET AWAY WITH WHAT?

427. WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO THAT I DID.

428. WHAT'S YOUR DARKEST SECRET?

429. MAYBE I STUDY TOO MUCH?

430. OBSESSIVE, JUST LIKE ME.

431. IF I BOUGHT A TAN DRESS,

432. I HAD TO HAVE IT IN EVERY COLOR.

433. IN BONE, IN BEIGE, IN TAN.

434. YOU WITH THE HAIR,

435. HOW DO YOU COPE WITH SOCIETY'S BULL?

436. I JUST DO MY BEST TO FIT IN.

437. EXACTLY!

438. I COULDN'T HIT THE STREET SCENE WITH THE SQUARES,

439. SO I'D SHOOT UP A "HOT LOAD" RIGHT THERE

440. JUST SO I COULD COPE!

441. HOW DO YOU GET OFF?

442. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

443. RIGHT, ESCAPIST JUST LIKE I USED TO BE...

444. GO AHEAD AND DO ONE SNORT OF TICK

445. AND YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GONNA END UP?

446. IN THE BUS STATION MAKING JUNK MONEY

447. BY TURNING TRICKS FOR INDONESIAN BUSINESSMEN.

448. AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

449. BECAUSE I WAS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR,

450. AND EVERYTHING I'M SAYING IS THE TRUTH.

451. THANK YOU.

452. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

453. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

454. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

455. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

456. JERRI! JERRI! JERRI!

457. WELL, WE SUDDENLY HAVE A RACE ON OUR HANDS.

458. JUDGES, TALLY YOUR VOTES!

459. TALLYHO!

460. ( cheers & applause )

461. AND MY NEW QUEEN IS...

462. YASMINE SARRONG!

463. OH, MY GOD!

464. YASMINE?

465. SHE WASN'T EVEN NOMINATED!

466. CONGRATULATIONS.

467. THIS SAYS "JERRI."

468. OH, CLOSE. VERY CLOSE.

469. CLOSE? I WON!

470. JERRI, CLEARLY YOU HAVE INNER BEAUTY.

471. NOW, IF YOU COULD TAKE THAT BEAUTY,

472. WRAP IT AROUND YOUR FACE LIKE BACON AROUND A FILET,

473. YOU'D HAVE SOMETHING.

474. YO, YASSY, WAIT FOR ME!

475. HEY, JERRI, I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

476. YOU GOT ROBBED, MAN.

477. NO, ORLANDO, I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON...

478. BEING BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE MAY BE ITS OWN REWARD, BUT...

479. IT COULD NEVER BEAT AN ASS LIKE YASMINE.

480. UUMMPH!

481. DAMN, SHE'S GOT A NICE ASS!

482. OH LOOK, THE DONKEY'S STILL KICKING.

483. LEMME SHOW YOU SOME TRICKS I USED TO DO WITH RAMONE!

484. OH, RAMONE!

485. I'LL SHOW YA...

486. I'LL SHOW YA AN EASY ONE...

487. YOU GET THE TEETH—