Strangers with Candy 1x7

Directed by Danny Leiner

Maria Christina Thayer as Tammi Littlenut • Ellen Pompeo as Lizzie Abrams • Devin Palmer as Toby • Mijanou Montalegre as Connie • Suzan Mikiel as Lizzie's Friend

Jerri finds her calling on the debate team, but can she make it through the dangerous physical training for the big competition?

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO TO YOU?

2. I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO KNOW.

3. FIRST, I'D SHAVE OFF ALL THE HAIR ON MY BODY...

4. EVEN "DOWNTOWN."

5. THEN I'D TAKE AN ICE CUBE

6. AND RUB IT UP AND DOWN MY EBONY FRAME

7. STOOD ERECT

8. ON A BAKED MERINGUE.

9. WHAT ABOUT ME, ONYX?

10. OH BABY, YOU'D BE THERE.

11. YOU'D HAVE AN ALL-ACCESS PASS TO MY LOVE BUFFET.

12. OOOOOOHHH! NUMEE NUM!

13. OH, NOW YOU DONE DONE IT.

14. YOU GOT ME THINKIN' ABOUT...

15. CHOCOLATE!

16. MAKES ME THINK ABOUT?

17. WHAT?

18. FONDUE, AND THAT MEANS CARAMEL!

19. ONYX, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME FAT?

20. OH, JUST CONSIDER IT A DEPOSIT IN THE OLD BOOTY BANK.

21. HMMM, I NEVER HAD CARAMEL ON A POTATO BEFORE,

22. IT'S SO GOOD.

23.

24. GRRR... KEEP IT SIMMERING.

25. UH, PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN,

26. MR. NOBLET WANTED ME TO TELL YOU

27. THAT THE, UHH, ASSEMBLY IS STARTING.

28. HMM, IT'S NOON ALREADY.

29. CARNE, DON'T LET THE CARAMEL COOL,

30. I'LL BE BACK IN A SHORTLY.

31.

32. SEAFOOD PAELLA IN HERE.

33. UH, LISTEN, UH, DO YOU MIND?

34. HI, I'M JERRI BLANK,

35. AND I'M A 46-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN.

36. FOR 32 YEARS I WAS A TEENAGE RUNAWAY...

37. 32 YEARS, NOW, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

38. ON A POTATO BEFORE.

39. IT'S PRETTY GOOD!

40. YOU SHOULD TRY IT.

41. LOSE 30 POUNDS,

42. I CAN WRESTLE FIFTH GRADERS.

43. THAT'S GREAT, DERRICK.

44. I BET YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIT INTO MY JEANS.

45. BET I COULD!

46. INTO YOUR— JERRI!

47. WHEN HE'S TRYING TO... SWEAT.

48. COME IN!

49. GOOD MORNING, MEAT MAN!

50. OH FUDGE!

51. CANCEL THE BRISKET.

52. ONLY BECAUSE WE'RE ALL ON DIETS.

53. WELL, HUH, HUH, HUH, MOST OF US ARE.

54. I DON'T SEE WHY.

55. CUTLET I EVER DID SEE.

56. WELL, THANK YOU... STEW.

57. BY GOLLY, IT'S TOASTY!

58. FOR A GLASS OF WATER?

59. WELL, I COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT.

60. HOW ABOUT A WAFFLE?

61. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

62. THERE, SLIM?

63.

64. SAY, THAT IS ONE PLUMP FRYER!

65. OH YEAH, SHE'S MY STEPSISTER.

66.

67. AND THIS IS DERRICK, MY STEPFAG.

68.

69. SERIOUSLY, THAT IS A GOOD-LOOKING CHICKEN.

70. WHAT IS SHE?

71. HER NAME'S SUKI, SHE'S A JAPANESE SILKY.

72. HAND-TRAINED.

73. SHE'LL EAT GRAPES OUT OF ANYWHERE I PUT THEM.

74. ANYWHERE.

75. UH UH, JERRI, I DON'T THINK THAT STEW IS INTERESTED IN YOUR POULTRY.

76. Y'KNOW, MAYBE YOU CAN ANSWER THIS QUESTION.

77. DELIGHTED!

78. BETWEEN A SHANK AND A LOIN?

79. I'D LIKE TO THINK I'M THE MAN WHO CAN CLEAR IT UP.

80. IN CASE ANYONE CARES,

81. FOR SCHOOL TODAY,

82. FOR THE DEBATE TEAM TRYOUTS.

83. EARLY? YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO CLEAN UP MY ROOM.

84. WELL, I HAVE TO PRACTICE DEBATING!

85. DEBATING, JERRI,

86. BY ARGUING WITH ME?

87. SORRY, STEW, GO ON WITH YOUR STORY, IT WAS GRIPPING.

88. WELL, THE SHANK vs. LOIN CONTROVERSY DATES BACK TO— I BELIEVE...

89.

90. MR. NOBLET...

91. CAN I TALK TO YOU...

92. UUH, CAN I HAVE A SHRIMP TEMPURA!

93. NO, JERRI, WHAT IS IT?

94. WELL, I WANTED—

95. JERRI, MAKE THIS QUICK, I'M FRYING THINGS, OK?

96. I'D WANTED TO SIGN UP FOR THE DEBATE TRYOUTS.

97. YOU THINK THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA, JERRI?

98. I DON'T KNOW, I THINK IT'S A GOOD WAY TO GET ATTENTION AND—

99. JALAPENO POPPER?

100. NO!

101. LOOK, YOU DON'T EXACTLY HAVE WHAT I'D CALL A "DEBATER'S BODY."

102. COME FROM...

103. SLIM HIPS.

104. HOW 'BOUT A CRAB PATTY?

105. JERRI, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?

106. LOOK, DEBATING IS MORE THEN JUST MENTAL AGILITY.

107. 95% OF DEBATING IS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

108. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU LOOK SAYING IT.

109. NOW, YOU'RE WELCOME TO TRYOUT FOR THE TEAM,

110. BUT I GOT TO TELL YOU, AT THIS WEIGHT

111. COME OFF A LITTLE... PUFFY.

112. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY WEIGHT.

113. NO, JERRI, I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR WEIGHT.

114. YOU UNDERSTAND?

115. I UNDERSTAND.

116. HOW 'BOUT SOME CLAM STRIPS?

117. PUT IT DOWN!

118. CLAM STRIPS, JERRI!

119. NOW!

120. FROM THE "FRY PAPA."

121. WELL, YOU EAT A LOT!

122. JERRI, I HAVE THE METABOLISM OF A HUMMINGBIRD.

123. FOR INSTANCE, LAST NIGHT I ATE

124. CHEESECAKE AT 3:00 A.M.

125. AND I'LL NEVER GAIN AN OUNCE.

126. UNDERSTAND?

127. GREAT!

128. ARE BURNED!

129. SORRY.

130. TO MAKE THAT GOLDEN BROWN, OK.

131. I'LL NEVER GET THIS ONE BACK.

132. YOU CAN'T UN-FRY THINGS, JERRI.

133. YOU CAN'T BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.

134. HMMM... THE SHRIMP ARE STILL GOOD.

135. YES.

136. TO THE DEBATE TRYOUTS?

137. SOMETHING TIGHT!

138. ME TOO!

139. EAT TODAY?

140. DID WE EAT YESTERDAY?

141. NO.

142. SHOULDN'T.

143. AHEM... GIRLS, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU

144. ON FRIDAY.

145. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT WE HEARD.

146. HEY, JERRI, I'LL BET YOU COULD SELL YOUR ARGUMENTS BY THE POUND.

147.

148.

149. WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

150. OHHH SUKI!

151. MY LITTLE SUKES.

152. OHHH...

153. GET ALL THE ATTENTION, HUH?

154. AHHH, I KNOW, HOW IRONIC THAT THE LESS THERE IS TO SEE,

155. WANT TO SEE IT.

156. IN YOUR WORLD,

157. IS A VIRTUE.

158. IN MY WORLD, PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL.

159. OH, HEY, FATTY.

160. YOU COMING.

161. WAS RED-LINING.

162.

163. WHERE YOU BEEN, JERRI?

164. WITHOUT YOU.

165. AHH, MAYBE I'LL SKIP LUNCH TODAY, TOBY.

166. SKIP LUNCH?

167. THAT'S CRAZY TALK, JERRI.

168. OH, I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN A SUCKER FOR THE SPIC FOOD.

169. I'LL SKIP LUNCH AFTER LUNCH.

170. HEY, LAST ONE TO THE CAFETERIA

171. IS A BIG, FAT SLOB.

172. ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO.

173. AWWWW...

174. CRAMPING...

175. I WIN, I WIN.

176. YOU'RE A BIG, FAT SLOB.

177. I'M A BIG, FAT SLOB!

178. I'M A BIG, FAT SLOB.

179. I'M A BIG, FAT SLOB.

180. I'M A BIG, FAT SLOB.

181. MRS. ARBUCKLE IS SERVING EPANADAS!

182. WHY'D YOU SKIP THE MERINGUE, TAMMI?

183. AND GREEN FLAVOR.

184. MY MOM'S AFRAID OF ME GETTING PREGNANT.

185. LOSE 15 POUNDS

186. SO I'LL STOP MAKING EGGS.

187. BUT YOU'RE SO SKINNY!

188. AHH, TELL THAT TO MY OVARIES.

189. I'D LOVE TO.

190. HEY, TAMMI, I SAW YOU IN YOUR HURDLING TIGHTS THE OTHER DAY,

191. LIKE A COUPLE OF ELBOWS.

192. NICELY DONE.

193. COMING OUT FOR THE DEBATE TEAM.

194. OH, I DON'T KNOW, I'M NOT SO GOOD AT ARGUING.

195. YES, YOU ARE. YOU'RE RIGHT.

196. I'M GOING OUT FOR DEBATE, TAM.

197. GONNA ARGUE, JERRI?

198. WHAT YOU'RE GONNA EAT NEXT?

199. HMM, NO RETORT.

200. INTERESTING.

201. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S THE NUMBER ONE SONG!

202. I KINDA LIKE IT.

203. YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE A PUSSY.

204. ME TO DINNER.

205. OH, IT'S OUR PLEASURE.

206. MEAT STORY, STEW.

207. OK, HERE'S A GOOD ONE:

208. BUTCHER SHOP THE OTHER DAY

209. IN AND I SAY,

210. "HEY, YOU THINKING ABOUT BUYING SOME STEAKS?"

211. AND HE SAYS, "NO, I'M GONNA BUY SOME STEAKS.

212. I'M THINKING ABOUT POONTANG."

213.

214. OOOOH, THAT'S DELICIOUSLY NAUGHTY.

215. HEY, TODAY AT SCHOOL—

216. JERRI, I DON'T THINK THE DINNER TABLE

217. YOUR BAWDY STORIES.

218. OOOH, ENJOY YOUR MEAT.

219. NAW, I'M TRYING TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS.

220. OF JOY AND AMUSEMENT.

221. HERE'S A GOOD ONE:

222. JERRI'S TRYING TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!

223. HA, HA, HA HA, HA!

224. NO, BUT SERIOUSLY.

225. GRISTLE OFF THE HAUNCHES,

226. YOU'RE GONNA TURN INTO QUITE A CUTE LITTLE LAMB CHOP.

227. THE ROLLS AND BUTTER,

228. THE BRISKET.

229. I'M NOT HUNGRY.

230. WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE BRISKET.

231. I DON'T WANT ANY BRISKET.

232. STEW, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME, YOU'RE BEATING A FAT HORSE.

233. EAT THE BRISKET.

234. I DON'T WANT ANY BRISKET.

235. GOD DAMNIT!

236. I'LL HANDLE THIS, GUY!

237. YOU CAN HAVE FOOD ON THIS TABLE,

238. AND YOU'RE GONNA EAT IT!

239. YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!

240. YOU'RE NOT MY DAUGHTER!

241. AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!

242. OH, I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU TOO!

243. C'MON, SUKI.

244. SKANK.

245. WAS I OUT OF LINE?

246. NO, NO.

247. GOOD BISCUIT-BLOCKING.

248. OK, EVERYBODY.

249. WE'RE GONNA TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SELF-PORTRAITS.

250. WORK IN ANY MEDIUM,

251. IT WAS CLAY.

252. LLUELLEN, YES!

253. YOUR ANKLES ARE DELICATE.

254. GOOD WORK.

255. SAN, NICE, VERY GOOD.

256. DIEGO, YOU'VE CAPTURED YOUR RIB CAGE BEAUTIFULLY.

257. IT LOOKS LIKE A XYLOPHONE, GOOD WORK!

258. BUSTER, I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

259. KEATON, VERY THIN, GOOD.

260. JERRI, IS THIS HOW YOU IMAGINE YOURSELF?

261. NO, I RAN OUT OF CLAY.

262. JERRI, WHY DON'T YOU STEP OUT WITH ME FOR A MOMENT.

263. OK, EVERYBODY.

264. RUN OUT OF CLASS.

265. WHILE WE'RE GONE, WHY DON'T YOU SCULPT A SELF-PORTRAIT OF ME.

266. OK, EXCELLENT, LOOKS LIKE A CORPSE, LOVE IT.

267. OH, HI, MR. JELLINECK.

268. LADIES.

269. JERRI, DO YOU CARE HOW OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU?

270. NO, I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I'M ATTRACTIVE.

271. JERRI...

272. MAKE YOURSELF THROW UP TODAY?

273. I DIDN'T THROW UP.

274. DON'T LIE TO ME JERRI.

275. FOOL ME, CON ME, CREATE ILLUSIONS THAT

276. I DON'T UNDERSTAND,

277. BUT DON'T LIE TO ME.

278. WELL, WHY WOULD SOMEONE MAKE THEMSELVES THROW UP?

279. ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTIME YOU WANT

280. AND IT NEVER SHOWS!

281. REALLY?

282. STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING

283. GAIN AN OUNCE!

284. PUDDING TOO? YES.

285. COOKIES? ABSOLUTELY.

286. PEOPLE DO THAT?

287. YES, I DO, JERRI.

288. BUT DON'T YOU EVER.

289. OKAY?

290. ALRIGHT, LET'S GET BACK TO OUR CLAY.

291. OKAY, WELL, I GOTTA PEE.

292. ALRIGHT, HURRY UP NOW.

293. OKAY?

294. CHEESECAKE.

295. LISTEN, YOU'RE VERY THIN, LIZZIE.

296. YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE AN EXCELLENT DEBATER.

297. YOU'VE GOT THE HIPS OF A CUB SCOUT.

298. THANK YOU, MR. NOBLET.

299. HEY, JERRI.

300. LIZZIE.

301. JERRI.

302. YOU LOOK... DIFFERENT.

303. THANKS.

304. DIFFERENT, JERRI.

305. WEIGHT RECENTLY?

306. UHH, VERY RECENTLY.

307. UHH, WATER WEIGHT MOSTLY, BUT, UHH, THANKS FOR THE ATTENTION.

308. UH... JERRI, IT'S ALMOST FEEDING TIME,

309. SHOULDN'T YOU BE STAMPEDING TOWARD THE FEEDING TROUGH?

310. OOH, HU-HU-HU- WHOA!

311. I GOT A BETTER IDEA, LEZZIE.

312. WHEN THE LUNCH BELL RINGS, WHY DON'T YOU EAT ME.

313. BANG, BANG!

314. SLENDER RETORT, JERRI.

315. YA LIKE THAT?

316. TO DEBATE TRYOUTS ON FRIDAY.

317. FIREWORKS!

318. YES!

319. THAT'S DEBATABLE.

320. IPSO FACTO.

321. REBUTTAL!

322.

323. HELLO.

324. HEY, JERRI.

325. WHADDYA WANT, LEZZIE?

326. TO LET YOU KNOW

327. THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE TOMORROW.

328. HUH, OH REALLY?

329. NEVER BEEN MORE EMACIATED.

330. SO BE PREPARED LOSE.

331. WELL, I'M REAL SCARED.

332. I'M REAL SCARED!

333.

334. BEAR WITH ME, CHUCK, PLEASE.

335. MR. JELLINECK!

336. HELLO, MRS. BLANK.

337. WERE OUT FOR A LITTLE JOG,

338. TO OUR WIVES,

339. IMPORTANT THAT I STOP BY.

340. HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

341. WHAT?

342. NO, NO, DERRICK'S FINE!

343. ABOUT JERRI.

344. OH.. YEAH... I'VE GOT SOME PROBLEMS.

345. LOOK, I STUMBLED UPON THESE PILLS IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S LOCKER.

346. OH, MY GOD!

347. APPETITE SUPPRESSANTS, DIURETICS, SUPPOSITORIES.

348. THOSE AREN'T MINE!

349. I KNOW, THEY'RE MINE!

350. MY GOD, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THESE FOR DAYS.

351. GEOFFREY, I'M COOLING DOWN!

352. I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE, CHUCK, PLEASE.

353. A DISEASE WE CALL...

354. ANOREXIA.

355. CONTAGIOUS?

356. YES.

357. THIRD-WORLD COUNTRIES

358. STRICKEN BY DROUGHT.

359. MY FAULT, JUST SAY SO!

360. SIMMER DOWN, STEW.

361. I'M JUST SO ANGRY!

362. HAVE A BEEF, STEW,

363. BUT PLEASE DON'T STIR THINGS UP.

364. IF WE DON'T HELP JERRI NOW SHE COULD BECOME A VEGETABLE.

365. BALONEY!

366. LET HIM TALK!

367. HIM WHO?

368. HIM ME.

369. PLEASE, MRS. BLANK, I SUGGEST FAMILY COUNSELING.

370. I THINK IT'S BEST THAT YOU LEAVE.

371.

372. I'VE GOTTA RUN.

373. BUT AS SOON AS YOU'RE READY TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY PROBLEMS

374. TO AN ART TEACHER, YOU CAN CALL ME.

375. GEOFFREY, I'M CRAMPING UP...

376. ARE GOING RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY BELONG, YOUNG LADY!

377. WITHOUT ANY SUPPER!

378. GO!

379. DESSERT, STEW?

380. LOVELY.

381.

382. OK, WELCOME, EVERYBODY, TO THIS YEAR'S DEBATE TRYOUTS.

383. IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER I'D LIKE TO START ALPHABETICALLY.

384. LIZZIE ABRAMS, YOU'LL DEBATE JERRI BLANK.

385. YOUR TOPIC IS:

386. "INCEST IS WRONG."

387. OK, LIZZIE, YOU'LL BE STATEMENT,

388. JERRI, YOU'LL BE REBUTTAL...

389. GOOD LUCK, AND DEBATE!

390. GOOD LUCK, BLOATUS.

391. BACK TO YA, SHAMU.

392. FROM THE DAWN OF TIME, AND IN EVERY SOCIETY,

393. THE SIMPLE TRUTH

394. ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER

395. AND GENETIC MUTATION.

396. THANK YOU.

397. GOOD.

398. JERRI, RIP THAT ARGUMENT A NEW ASS!

399. OKAY...

400. GRANTED...

401. SOMETIMES, OCCASIONALLY... THINGS CAN GET OUT OF HAND...

402. ALRIGHT, SO... UHHH.

403. THANK YOU...

404.

405. JERRI... HELLO!

406. C'MON... JERRI!

407. JERRI.

408. JERRI!

409. JERRI, YOU PASSED OUT.

410. AND YOUR MEAT MAN.

411. HERE ANY MINUTE.

412. WE FELT LIKE IT.

413. HI, PLEASE, THANK YOU.

414. COME IN.

415. AND JUST SIT DOWN.

416. PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.

417. THIS FAMILY NEEDS TO OPEN UP, AND START COMMUNICATING.

418. ALL RIGHT.

419. WHO STARTS?

420. WHY DON'T YOU.

421. WANT ME TO SAY?

422. YOU LOVE HER.

423. SHOULD START.

424. I'LL GO.

425. OK, DERRICK.

426. JERRI'S PROBLEMS ARE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART!

427. GOOD, BUT SEE IF YOU CAN RE-STATE THAT

428. POSITIVE WAY.

429. BY JERRI'S PROBLEMS.

430. EXCELLENT.

431. Y'KNOW, WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM DAD IN A WHILE.

432. DAD?

433. HANG ON A SECOND, GUY.

434. BEFORE YOU SPEAK, I GOT A QUESTION:

435. WHY ARE WE HERE?

436. COMMUNICATE BETTER

437. AND A MEAT MAN.

438. THIS IS MY FAULT?

439. NO, NO, NO, NO, STEW, DON'T EVEN THINK IT!

440. SUPPOSED TO THINK?

441. EVERYBODY, FREEZE!

442. RIGHT NOW.

443. NO, DON'T LOOK.

444. AND THEN SNEAK A PEEK.

445. JERRI?

446. WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU?

447. NO, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE READING.

448. IT WORKED!

449. I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT I HAVE GREAT NEWS!

450. DEBATE TEAM?

451. NO, I'M SORRY I SHOULD REPHRASE THAT.

452. FOR ME!

453. YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE DEBATE TEAM.

454. NICELY DONE.

455. THAT I WANT!

456. TELL US, JERRI, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

457. WELL, MY WHOLE LIFE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS SOME ATTENTION.

458. I MEAN, THAT'S THE WHOLE REASON

459. THE STUPID DEBATE TEAM.

460. GO ON, JERRI, WE'RE ALL LISTENING.

461. WELL, I...

462. WAIT A MINUTE.

463. YOU ALL ARE LISTENING.

464. WHY, I DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE DEBATE TEAM.

465. MYSELF TO THE BRINK OF DEATH

466. TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.

467. AH, HA, HA, HA, HA!

468. FANTASTIC!

469. WHAT A SUCCESS FOR ME.

470. SUKI WAS HERE.

471. YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JERRI... SHE IS.

472. SUKI?

473. YOU BAKED HER!

474. NO, JERRI, SHE VOLUNTARILY BAKED HERSELF SO THAT YOU COULD LIVE.

475. AHHHH.

476. OH SUKI...

477. SUKI, SO LOYAL AND LOVING...

478. SO MOIST AND TENDER.

479. SUKULENT.

480. JERRI, I RIPPED THE WISHBONE OUT OF YOUR BELOVED SUKI.

481. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WISH FOR?

482. A CAMARO.

483. AH HA HA, A CAMARO!

484. DEE-LISH-OUS.

485.

486.