Strangers with Candy 1x10

Directed by Peter Lauer

Orlando Pabotoy as Orlando Pinatubo • Maria Christina Thayer as Tammi Littlenut • Mitch Rouse as Officer Savillion • Stephanie Sanditz as Trish • Martin Zentz as Stoner Guy #1

Jerri reverts back to her old ways and succumbs to drugs in an attempt to win the affection of a beautiful female stoner

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I'VE GRADED YOUR TERM PAPERS.

2. A "D"!

3. THANK YOU, MR. NOBLET!

4. DON'T THANK ME, JERRI. YOU EARNED IT.

5. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PULLED IT TOGETHER, BUT GOOD FOR YOU.

6. YOU DO THAT WELL ON THE FINAL EXAM

7. AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL BE MOVING ON TO SOPHOMORE YEAR.

8. ( proudly ) A "D"...

9. ( bell rings )

10. HOLD ON A MINUTE, JERRI.

11. I'VE GOT SOMETHING I'D... LIKE TO SAY.

12. THIS HAS BEEN A REAL ROLLER COASTER OF A YEAR,

13. AND I'VE BEEN PRETTY TOUGH ON YOU AT TIMES,

14. AND I'M SURE YOU THINK THAT I HATE YOU.

15. BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW...

16. THAT I HATE YOU.

17. I HATE YOU TOO, MR. NOBLET.

18. I GUESS WE SHOULDN'T HUG.

19. YEAH, PROBABLY NOT.

20. OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU RUN ALONG.

21. HI, I'M JERRI BLANK,

22. AND I'M A 46-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN.

23. OOH! HA, HA, HA...

24. A 46-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE

25. IF I KEEP THESE GRADES UP.

26. LOCK THE DOOR.

27. ( fighting sticks clacking )

28. I'M GONNA PASS MY EXAMS

29. AND THEN WE CAN SPEND ALL SUMMER

30. HANGING OUT AT SANTA'S PLAYLAND.

31. HEY, I FIGURED OUT A WAY TO DERAIL THE TODDLER TRAIN!

32. I SURE LOVE TO WATCH THOSE YOUNGSTERS SPILL.

33. JERRI!

34. ( thwack )

35. FOCUS!

36. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN.

37. HEY...

38. ARE YOU CHIN WOO OF THE KUNG FU SCHOOL?

39. YOU HAVE INSULTED MY MASTER.

40. PREPARE TO DIE BY MY HAND.

41. HEH HEH HEH.

42. THOSE GUYS ARE CREEPS.

43. I DON'T KNOW...

44. I THINK THEY'RE KINDA... SEXY.

45. STAY AWAY FROM THOSE DOPERS, JERRI,

46. THEY'RE CAREER FRESHMEN.

47. I'D HATE TO SEE YOU GETTIN' MIXED UP

48. IN THE WRONG CROWD.

49. OH, YEAH...

50. YEAH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

51. OKAY, C'MON, ORLANDO, BRING IT ON!

52. LET'S GO, TRISH!

53. ARM OUT, BACK UP!

54. YOU HEARD ME, GRIND THAT PELVIS INTO THE LEATHER AND SMACK IT...

55. SMACK IT... SMACK IT!

56. OK... I'M DONE.

57. NEXT!

58. C'MON, C'MON, NEXT UP, LET'S GO!

59. NOW BEAR DOWN AND RIDE IT...

60. WAY TO SMACK IT.

61. THANKS, I TRY.

62. I LIKE YOUR STYLE.

63. CAN I GET SOME WATER?

64. I'M A LITTLE DRY.

65. I'M PLENTY WET...

66. HEH HEH HEH, SERIOUSLY.

67. ( chuckling ) YOU'RE FUNNY, JERRI.

68. YEAH?

69. C'MON...

70. I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

71. BACK AT 'CHA.

72. ( coach ) YEAH, CLAMP, CLAMP, TIGHTEN!

73. SO WHO GOES FIRST?

74. CHECK IT OUT.

75. UMMM!

76. THAT'S QUITE A HUMIDOR YOU GOT THERE.

77. ( sniffing )

78. UMM... "SKUNK WEED."

79. WANNA HIT?

80. NO, I'M NOT INTO POT.

81. ARE YOU SURE?

82. OKAY, LET'S BURN IT DOWN.

83. CLOSE YOUR EYES, JERRI.

84. WHAT DO YOU SEE?

85. ( demonic laughter )

86. NOTHING UNUSUAL.

87. ( throaty gagging )

88. OHH GOD, I SEE A CARNIVAL OF COLORS!

89. I SEE GRAYS AND BROWNS AND GRAYS...

90. UH! DON'T YA JUST LOVE THIS SONG!

91. ( throaty gagging )

92. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT?

93. OHH MAN!

94. UMM!

95. OH! MAN!

96. WHOO!

97. ( heart monitor beeping )

98. ( giggling uncontrollably )

99. TOTALLY.

100. I'VE SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE...

101. THEY'RE GONNA UNTIE HER TUBES.

102. AH HA HA HA.

103. HEY, TROLL, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE

104. MAKING DINNER TONIGHT?

105. FOR YOUR INFORMATION, DICK-A-LICIOUS,

106. I ALREADY PUT THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN.

107. HEY, LET'S GO OUTSIDE AND SHOOT SOME HOOPS.

108. STROKE-A-DELIC'S BUMMING MY STONE.

109. TROLL!

110. YOU COOKED MY BASKETBALL!

111. AH, HA HA HA!

112. YOU'RE ALL HOPPED UP ON THAT WEED.

113. THAT'S RIGHT, AND IT'S A VERY EXPENSIVE HABIT.

114. SO DON'T BE SURPRISED IF I CUT OUT ONE OF YOUR LIVERS

115. AND SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET.

116. YOU ARE SO LUCKY I'M A COWARD.

117. HEY, FRANKENFAG!

118. YOU FORGOT YOUR BASKETBALL!

119. ( hands sizzling )

120. ( giggling hysterically )

121. THE NEXT STEP IS FIRING IN THE KILN.

122. NOW THIS PARTICULAR KILN HEATS UP TO 1500 DEGREES.

123. TO PUT THAT IN PERSPECTIVE

124. IMAGINE ONE DEGREE...

125. 1500 TIMES!

126. OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU BRING YOUR PROJECTS BY.

127. WE'LL SET THEM ON THIS SLATE.

128. OH PEPPER, A TURTLE, VERY NICE!

129. WE'VE GOT SOME DICE— THOSE ARE FUN...

130. WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE, JERRI?

131. LET'S JUST SAY... IT'S A BONG.

132. HMM... NO CARPAL, INTERESTING.

133. OKAY, AS SOON AS THESE ARE BAKED,

134. WE'LL GLAZE THEM!

135. AS SOON AS THEY'RE BAKED

136. WE'LL GET BAKED.

137. AH, HA HA HA HA...

138. PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN! PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN!

139. YES... WHAT IS IT?

140. THERE ARE SOME BAD SEEDS IN THIS SCHOOL

141. WHO ARE GROWING INTO WEEDS

142. AND INFESTING THE HEALTHY PLANTS

143. THAT ARE THE GOOD STUDENTS.

144. HMMM, YOUR METAPHOR CONFUSES ME,

145. YET I AM INTRIGUED BY YOUR RAMBLE.

146. QUICK, TO MY OFFICE!

147. THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING THIS AFTERNOON,

148. TO OUR SECOND MEETING OF "M-MAD,"

149. "MAD MOTHERS AGAINST DRUGS."

150. IF YOU REFER TO YOUR PAMPHLET, PLEASE.

151. YOU CAN'T HELP A DRUG ADDICT UNTIL THEY HIT ROCK BOTTOM,

152. AND SOMETIMES IT'S IMPORTANT TO HELP THE PROCESS ALONG.

153. YOU DIG A HOLE IN THE YARD AND COVER IT WITH STICKS AND LEAVES.

154. PUT GLASS IN THEIR SLIPPERS.

155. CUT THE BRAKE CABLE IN THEIR CAR.

156. EXACTLY, CUT THE BRAKE CABLE TO THEIR CAR.

157. THE POINT IS TO HELP THEM HURT THEMSELVES.

158. HI, JERRI.

159. LADIES.

160. JERRI, JERRI, JERRI, NOT NOW, PLEASE.

161. NOW THE POINT OF THE MEETING THIS AFTERNOON

162. IS HOW DO WE... TREAT THE DRUG ADDICT—

163. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

164. DID YOUR HEAD TRY TO ESCAPE?

165. JERRI!

166. DID I GET ANY CALLS?

167. YES, WHY DON'T YOU GO RETURN THEM.

168. IF YOU LOOK AT THE PAMPHLET—

169. HOW CAN I RETURN THE CALLS

170. IF I DON'T KNOW WHO CALLED?

171. A, UM... "MR. PUFFMEISTER" AND "CHIEF BIG BONG."

172. AH, THE CHIEF CALLED?

173. MAN, HE MUST BE ON THE WARPATH.

174. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I GOT ON INDIAN UNDERWEAR,

175. IT'S CREEPING UP THE TRAIL.

176. THANK YOU, JERRI—

177. MAN, YOU PEOPLE ARE OLD!

178. I BET YOU COULD DRY BEEF DOWN THERE.

179. OH, I'M SORRY, SHE WAS ONLY KIDDING.

180. Y'KNOW, YOU REALLY MUSTN'T FLY AWAY LIKE THIS.

181. WE HAVE A SLIDE SHOW.

182. MAYBE YOU COULD SHOW IT TO YOUR DAUGHTER!

183. STEP... DAUGHTER.

184. HOW DARE YOU COME INTO THIS HOUSE WITH A DRUG PROBLEM

185. WHEN I AM CONDUCTING A MEETING ABOUT DRUG PROBLEMS!

186. YOU BETTER SHAPE UP, YOUNG LADY,

187. OR I AM GONNA WANT YOU OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

188. YOU ALWAYS WANT ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

189. YES, BUT NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE!

190. WELL, I'LL SEE YA LATER.

191. ( bell rings )

192. HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I UH—

193. MIGHT BE ABLE TO BUY SOME BIG FAT DOOBIES?

194. WHAT?

195. WELL, I WAS, UH, Y'KNOW LOOKING TO

196. TAKE A TRIP WITH MARY JANE,

197. AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT KNOW HER TRAVEL AGENT?

198. ARE YOU A COP?

199. WHAT?

200. YOU JUST MADE THE LIST, MISTER—

201. OF THE TOP TEN PEOPLE IN THIS AREA.

202. SO ALRIGHT... AS YOU WERE.

203. I'LL SEE YOU IN SPANISH... SO—

204. ( police radio ) We have a 3-11 in progress, on the corner of 5th and...

205. I THOUGHT I'D TEACH CLASS TODAY IN A MORE INFORMAL SETTING.

206. I WAS HOPING WE COULD SHOOT THE BREEZE A BIT, YOU KNOW, RAP.

207. NOW, THERE'S THIS HERB...

208. THAT'S BEEN AFFECTING MY CLASS.

209. MOST OF YOU PROBABLY KNOW IT BY IT'S ANCIENT DUTCH NAME...

210. MARI-JUANA.

211. ( all snickering )

212. YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FUNNY ON POT, ISN'T IT?

213. HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT IT?

214. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED IT?

215. YEAH... I USED TO GET STONED.

216. A FEW YEARS BACK I WAS PRETTY DOWN.

217. I JUST STARTED THIS JOB AND MY PLUGS WEREN'T TAKING,

218. MY PARENTS WERE BRUTALLY MURDERED, AND...

219. I WAS FAT.

220. SO I TURNED TO POT, HOPING IT WOULD SOLVE MY PROBLEMS.

221. BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING,

222. THE ONLY THING IT FIXED... WAS MY LIFE.

223. YOU CAN'T LAY THAT ON POT.

224. WHY NOT?

225. I KNOW IT FEELS GOOD.

226. I KNOW WE'VE ALL READ THE "SCIENTIFIC STUDIES" THAT SAY

227. IT'S NON-ADDICTIVE AND THAT THERE ARE NO SIDE-EFFECTS.

228. BUT SCIENTISTS DON'T SMOKE POT,

229. WE DO!

230. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!

231. LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS IF YOU STILL WANT TO SMOKE POT,

232. THEN BE PREPARED TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME...

233. LAUGHING WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

234. THINK ABOUT IT.

235. NOW WE STILL HAVE 55 MINUTES LEFT FOR CLASS,

236. SO I THOUGHT I'D PLAY A LITTLE MOUNTAIN MUSIC

237. I WROTE ON THE BEACH.

238. MAYBE MR. JELLINECK'S RIGHT.

239. MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T SMOKE POT ANYMORE.

240. NO WAY!

241. THIS STUFF FREES YOUR MIND!

242. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, SPARK THAT SPLEEF.

243. I WANNA GET HIGH!

244. I'LL SEE YOU AFTER CLASS.

245. WELL, WELL, WELL, WHAT DO WE'VE GOT HERE?

246. IT'S A BAKE SALE.

247. WE'RE RAISING MONEY FOR BLIND CHILDREN.

248. OH SURE, AREN'T WE ALL.

249. BOY, I SURE GOT THE MUNCHIES.

250. I COULD REALLY GO FOR A BROWNIE 'BOUT NOW.

251. AND SEEING AS I HAVE THE MUNCHIES,

252. WHICH BROWNIE DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CHOOSE?

253. AROUND AND ROUND SHE GOES, WHERE SHE STOPS...

254. HOW 'BOUT THIS ONE!

255. WHICHEVER ONE YOU WANT, OFFICER.

256. HAH, HAH... GOOD ONE.

257. SURE, YEAH.

258. ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?

259. OH SURE, YEAH.

260. HEY, OF COURSE I'M GONNA PAY FOR IT.

261. I'M A STUDENT JUST LIKE YOU.

262. NICE BADGE.

263. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

264. UH... I-I JUST— I JUST DON'T REMEMBER.

265. IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

266. HMM... I LOVE FREE SAMPLES!

267. STUDENT.

268. PRINCIPAL.

269. "A+," TINY.

270. TIM, "B-" NOT TOO SHABBY.

271. YOUR GRADES ON THE FINAL EXAM THIS YEAR WERE EXCELLENT!

272. JERRI, YOU GOT A ZERO.

273. WOW...

274. BUT I STUDIED REALLY HARD FOR THIS.

275. DIDN'T I?

276. I DON'T KNOW, JERRI, UH, BUT,

277. IN THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION,

278. "WHAT WAS THE MAGNA CARTA?"

279. YOU WROTE THE WORDS "PLANET ZOOT."

280. HA HA HA!

281. AND IN RESPONSE TO THE QUERY,

282. "WHAT WAS THE CAPITAL OF FRANCE DURING THE NAZI OCCUPATION?"

283. YOU TRACED YOUR HAND.

284. OH YEAH... I DREW A BEAK ON THE THUMB THERE.

285. OH, IT'S A TURKEY!

286. MUST HAVE BEEN DURING THE HOLIDAYS.

287. IT WAS YESTERDAY, JERRI.

288. OH.

289. JERRI, LISTEN.

290. I WAS GONNA SAY THIS IN PRIVATE

291. BUT I WAS AFRAID THAT IT WOULDN'T BE

292. SUFFICIENTLY HUMILIATING.

293. YOU FAIL.

294. YOU FAIL FRESHMAN YEAR.

295. HUH?

296. I'M SAYING YOU FAIL.

297. I CAN'T DO THIS YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN.

298. NOR DO I WANNA TO TEACH YOU,

299. SO I'M GONNA BE GIVING YOU A MAKE-UP EXAM

300. TOMORROW MORNING AT 7:00 a.m.

301. OH, C'MON, 7:00 a.m. !

302. 7:00 a.m. !

303. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY HOPES FOR A HAPPY LIFE,

304. I'D GO STUDY.

305. OKAY, EVERYBODY, THAT DOES IT FOR FRESHMAN YEAR.

306. IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE TEACHING YOU,

307. AND SINCE WE ONLY HAVE 15 MINUTES...

308. WHY DON'T YOU ALL JUST GO AND... WAIT A SECOND!

309. YEAH, I'M SORRY.

310. OKAY, SIT DOWN.

311. UMMM...

312. THE OPIUM WAR WAS FOUGHT IN 1840...

313. TO 1842, BETWEEN THE CHINESE—

314. SORRY, I'M LATE.

315. DO I KNOW YOU?

316. NEW STUDENT.

317. JUST TRANSFERRED IN.

318. ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL?

319. WHO WROTE THAT WORD ON THE BOARD?

320. I DID.

321. WE'RE STUDYING THE... OPIUM WARS.

322. OKAY, CLASS DISMISSED.

323. YOU CAN ALL GO NOW.

324. WAIT A SECOND, YOU CAN'T DISMISS MY CLASS.

325. AAAHH! YAAAHHHH!

326. OHH! OHHH!

327. OKAY, EVERYBODY OUT.

328. CLASS DISMISSED, HAVE A GOOD SUMMER.

329. MY EYES... ARRRGHH!

330. ALL RIGHT, JERRI, YOU HAVE ONE NIGHT TO PREPARE FOR THIS TEST.

331. ARE YOU READY FOR IT?

332. ABSOLUTELY.

333. WHAT'S IT ON?

334. NOBLET'S CLASS.

335. RIGHT, NOBLET...

336. WHAT DOES HE TEACH?

337. AMERICAN HISTORY.

338. ALRIGHT.

339. LET'S START WITH THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE.

340. FROM WHAT COUNTRY WAS THE LAND PURCHASED?

341. LOUISIANA.

342. NO, JERRI.

343. FROM WHAT COUNTRY DID THE UNITED STATES

344. PURCHASE LOUISIANA?

345. I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.

346. ONE OF ITS CITIES IS NAMED, UH, BATON ROUGE.

347. BATON ROUGE!

348. NO, JERRI, WHEN I SAY "HINT,"

349. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GIVING YOU THE ANSWER.

350. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, IT JUST THREW ME FOR A SECOND...

351. BATON ROUGE... BATON ROUGE...

352. LOUISIANA!

353. NO, JERRI.

354. C'MON, OR, YOU GOTTA GIVE ME THAT ONE.

355. NO, I DON'T, JERRI, AND NEITHER WILL NOBLET!

356. ( knock on door )

357. TRISH!

358. JERRI, I KNOW YOU GOTTA STUDY AND EVERYTHING,

359. BUT CHIEF BIG BONG IS THROWING A WAR COUNCIL

360. IN HIS OLD LADY'S BASEMENT.

361. NO WAY!

362. WE'RE GONNA PASS THE PEACE PIPE.

363. YOU GOTTA BE THERE.

364. OH LOOK, I GOTTA STUDY FOR A TEST.

365. WE'LL HELP YOU STUDY!

366. I'LL WAIT FOR YOU AT SCHOOL TOMORROW, JERRI.

367. I'LL BE THERE.

368. DON'T GET HIGH TONIGHT, JERRI.

369. I PROMISE I WON'T.

370. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...

371. GODDAMN, THAT'S GOTTA BE TIGHT!

372. ( smoke-choking )

373. YOU GUYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS...

374. OWWWW...

375. HUHH!

376. HOW'D YOUR TEST GO, JERRI?

377. JEEZ... I'M ON MY WAY RIGHT NOW.

378. IT'S NOON, JERRI.

379. OH NO... RIGHT.

380. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,

381. AND I DIDN'T GET HIGH LAST NIGHT.

382. YOU LOOK HIGH, JERRI.

383. ARE YOU HIGH NOW?

384. WHAT? AM I HIGH?

385. YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I'M HIGH?

386. ( slurring badly )

387. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

388. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE ASKING ME?

389. LOOK, I'LL PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M NOT.

390. I'LL HELP YOU PRACTICE.

391. OH NO, THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, JERRI!

392. JERRI... JERRI!

393. UHH! UHH!

394. HA HA HA, ORLANDO.

395. ORLANDO!

396. UHH!

397. OH, OR... CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

398. ( speaking weakly ) What happened, Jerri?

399. WELL, I WAS TRYING TO SHOW YOU...

400. UH... WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU REMEMBER?

401. I was... I was waiting for you at school

402. and the... the rest is hazy.

403. HAZY... OH WELL... UHH... OH BOY...

404. YOU WERE JUMPED... UHH... BY A BUNCH OF GUYS...

405. UHH... BIG BLACK GUYS.

406. SEXY, SEXY, MUSCULAR BLACK GUYS... YEAH!

407. Really?

408. NO! I WAS STONED!

409. I NEARLY CHOPPED YOUR HEAD OFF BECAUSE I WAS HIGH!

410. I don't want to be your friend anymore.

411. WHAT?

412. Get out.

413. NO!

414. JERRI, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE.

415. MR. NOBLET?

416. WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

417. I— I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL BETTER.

418. YES, I'M ALL BETTER NOW, JERRI.

419. I'M JUST BLIND.

420. SO, UHH...

421. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TURN ME IN FOR SMOKING POT, ARE YA?

422. I'M BLIND, JERRI.

423. WHY WOULD I CARE?

424. 'CAUSE SHE'S A DOPER!

425. YOU'RE BUSTED!

426. ARE YOU THE STUDENT WHO SPRAYED ME?

427. THAT'S RIGHT...

428. AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!

429. ARHHHH!

430. WHAT'RE YA LOOKIN' AT?

431. WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M BACK IN THE SLAMMER.

432. AH, JESUS...

433. I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

434. YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIND ANYTHING UP THERE!

435. I'VE BEEN CLEAN FOR A YEAR!

436. WELL, I GUESS I'VE LEARNED ONE THING...

437. NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR MARIJUANA EXPLOITS

438. IN FRONT OF AN UNDERCOVER COP...

439. I'M TELLING YOU, YOU'RE JUST WASTING YOUR

440. TU-UH-TIME... UHHH!

441. OH YEAH, THAT... HEH, HEH.

442. WELL, IN CASE ANYONE'S INTERESTED,

443. I'LL BE OUT IN TIME TO START FRESHMAN YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN.

444. I PLEA BARGAINED.

445. ( sobbing ) I ONLY SMOKED IT ONCE!

446. WHY AM I IN A LADIES JAIL?

447. I AM A MAN!

448. FAGGOT!

449. MY ( bleep )-HOLE'S HUNGRY, BABY!