Steven Universe 5x16

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Steven writes about the latest news of Beach City.

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1. Captain's log — I think it's Friday.

2. I've ordered Rhodonite to do a spectral scan of the system.

3. Hopefully, one of these asteroids

4. has the Flotanium deposits

5. we need to get our warp engines back online.

6. Hmm.

7. What now, Steven?

8. A letter?

9. "Dear Lars, how's space? Is it still big?

10. You don't have to answer that right now.

11. This is a letter.

12. Since you're away from home, I thought I'd fill you in

13. on what's been going on at Beach City.

14. Everyone misses you so much.

15. Since Sadie is busy with the band,

16. no one is around to open up the Big Donut."

17. Oh, come on. Are they still not open?

18. - Ugh. - I know Sadie quit a while ago,

19. but why the heck isn't Lars here to pick up the slack?

20. Uh, Ronaldo, Lars is in space.

21. Good one, Steven.

22. I needed that.

23. You're serious?

24. Don't you remember when everyone in town was abducted by Gems?

25. Mayor Dewey had to give all those speeches about it.

26. Do you believe everything the government tells you?

27. I'm the one who told the government.

28. Wait, what?

29. - So that means... - Mm-hmm.

30. So Lars is really in space?

31. - Mm-hmm. - Is he in danger?

32. Surrounded by aliens?

33. All of the above.

34. This is a nightmare.

35. I'm the one who should be in space!

36. Why does Lars get to be whisked away into the infinite cosmos

37. on an adventure of a lifetime?

38. It's so ironic it hurts my soul.

39. There, there.

40. Morning, Universe.

41. Oh, good morning.

42. Still not open, huh?

43. I guess me and the Big Donut have a lot in common now.

44. We're both empty inside.

45. "As far as local politics,

46. Mayor Dewey isn't mayor anymore.

47. There was an election and Nanefua

48. won with her platform of working together."

49. So we are all in agreement, yes?

50. In the event of a Gem-related emergency,

51. everyone should go to the newly-designated shelters.

52. Me and Garnet can take care of food rations.

53. Anyone know a good, non-perishable brand of chaps?

54. You can also put some pizza ingredients on ice just in case.

55. That's a great idea, Garnet.

56. We can ask all the local restaurants to pitch in food

57. in case we have to hide for awhile.

58. These all seem like great plans,

59. but how are you going to get in contact

60. with everyone when there is an emergency?

61. This may be a small town, but it's a big small town.

62. Oh, Mayor Gunga, I could drive you around

63. while you use the loudspeaker to spread the word through town.

64. Cheese on bread! That's a good idea.

65. While Jenny does that, I can take to the boardwalk on foot

66. and let all the businesses know what's up.

67. And as soon as we know of any impending danger,

68. I'll give everyone a call on my cellular phone.

69. It might be easier if you just sent out a mass text.

70. What number do I call for mass text?

71. Pearl, is this your first cell phone?

72. Maybe.

73. Is there anything else we can do to beef up the town's security?

74. It would be nice if we could have some kind of lookout.

75. Maybe I'll pick up one of the high-powered telescopes

76. for the lighthouse or something.

77. I volunteer! I love looking out.

78. If I can't be in space, then I can at least look at it.

79. This is beautiful.

80. Ronaldo, Greg, you're on lookout duty.

81. Kiki, Pearl, you are in charge of communication.

82. Steven, Garnet, you call for rations.

83. And Jenny and I will spread the word about the plan.

84. Now everyone is helping to make our town safe.

85. Everyone except me.

86. Aww.

87. Oh, you made things awkward.

88. "Sadie Killer and the Suspects are still going strong.

89. They're gearing up for a huge show right here in Beach City.

90. I hope you can make it back in time to see them play."

91. And just as the chorus is finishing up,

92. I'll grab this fake but very realistic chainsaw,

93. and then Steven will hit me with the lights,

94. and we'll all scream.

95. Aah. Aah.

96. And then I'll come out.

97. Oogity boogity.

98. I don't think you get it, Dad.

99. We're going for scary scary, not ha-ha scary.

100. Oh. All right. I just wanted to help.

101. Did you cut holes in my bedsheets?

102. "Jamie the mailman has been making a lot of progress

103. establishing a local theater scene.

104. He's done a bunch of one-man shows

105. and even started teaching improv."

106. People of Beach City, are you ready to laugh your butts off?

107. I am!

108. We got a killer lineup for you tonight,

109. so please welcome the Beach City Laugh Guards.

110. Whoo! Yeah!

111. Now all we need to get started

112. is a single word from the audience.

113. Steven!

114. We do a scene about Steven every week.

115. Well, I think those scenes are good.

116. Uh, spaghetti! No. No. Uh, car.

117. No. That's not good.

118. Oh, how about plumber?

119. I heard "plumber."

120. And now the Beach City Laugh Guards will perform a completely

121. improvised scene based on the word plumber.

122. No. Do Steven!

123. Wait, cats!

124. And no more suggestions for the rest of the show.

125. Thanks for coming out on such short notice.

126. My sink is clogged.

127. Well, looks like we're going to need one of these.

128. No, no, no. Cut. Stop.

129. Notes — Barb, love how you set up the scene.

130. Amethyst, you don't have to "become" a plunger.

131. Just pretend to have one. Observe and learn.

132. Ah...

133. Ooh.

134. Uh...

135. - What? - Wow.

136. That's way too confusing. You could be holding anything.

137. I'm holding a plunger.

138. Oh.

139. I thought you were holding a long, skinny submarine sandwich.

140. Pearl! Be nice.

141. It's obviously much more clear

142. if you can see the actual plunger.

143. She's got a point, there, dude.

144. Looks like I improved improv.

145. Did I miss my cue?

146. Oh. Whatever.

147. Hello, ladies.

148. It's me, the waiter in this restaurant.

149. Can I offer you some more worms?

150. Blackout.

151. It was better than last week.

152. "Anyways, my dad is still rich

153. even after buying that telescope,

154. so he's been trying out rich people sports.

155. He an Garnet have been playing tennis on the weekends."

156. Garnet, this is a little intense for a warm-up.

157. Maybe we could try a light volley?

158. This is light.

159. Being rich has made you week.

160. Oh, hey, tennis.

161. Room for one m— Ow!

162. "In other sports-related news,

163. Beach City Underground Wrestling has been intense lately.

164. The Marmalade Boys fought each other in,

165. you guessed it, marmalade.

166. The crowd was eating it up,

167. but not literally because that would be gross.

168. Concrete Heat faced off against the Wolf of Wall Street

169. inside a steel cage,

170. and the Good-Looking Gang finally lost the Tag-Team Title

171. to the Sea Wasp and Shark-o-mania.

172. I know you don't need to eat anymore,

173. but I thought you'd still be interested

174. in the local french fry scene in Beach City.

175. Peedee started his very own food truck.

176. He's not old enough to drive yet, though,

177. so it's kind of just another fry stand."

178. Hey, Steven. What will it be?

179. What have you got?

180. Well, I deal exclusively in tater tots now.

181. That's great, Peedee. Can I get the bits?

182. Uh, why don't you try the tots?

183. They're the fry of the future.

184. Do the tots have bits?

185. I'll get you the bits.

186. I like your super-cool truck, Peedee.

187. I love the giant potato on the top.

188. Oh, thanks. It actually used to be the Mayor Mobile.

189. I just painted over Mayor Dewey's head.

190. It's a good thing that his head was so big and lumpy.

191. Yeah.

192. The new city board practically just gave it to me, too.

193. It's like they wanted nothing to do with it anymore.

194. Everything has been pretty great for me

195. since Nanefua became mayor.

196. Oh, no.

197. All right. I got the bits.

198. Steven?

199. Mayor Dewey, wait!

200. You know, Universe, seeing my old Mayor Mobile

201. turned into a giant potato

202. made me realize that nothing is like it used to be.

203. My old life, my old town, my old citizens,

204. they've all changed.

205. They've all outgrown me, I suppose.

206. Well, of course everyone is changing.

207. Nothing can stay the same forever.

208. You know what I miss the most about being the mayor?

209. The little things, getting dressed and ready for work,

210. walking down the boardwalk

211. seeing everyone's smiling faces, yes.

212. Knowing I had a place in this town.

213. I used to look forward to it every day,

214. just like the people of this town

215. used to look forward to their morning donut.

216. I guess these days no one gets what they want.

217. Wait a second. I have an idea.

218. "And so Mayor Dewey started working at the Big Donut.

219. It seemed as if the entire town showed up

220. for the grand reopening.

221. The whole thing filled Mr. Dewey with a new sense of purpose.

222. He's really changing things up, too.

223. Well, not really, but he is naming

224. all the donuts after himself."

225. Next in line, please.

226. I'll have a regular glazed.

227. One Classic Dewey coming up.

228. And how about a freshly fried Dewey Roll on the house?

229. Take it easy, Billy.

230. You're going to go out of business.

231. Ha ha! You're cute.

232. "But there is one donut that's not named after Dewey.

233. He let me name a donut after you.

234. It's a pink donut with pink sprinkles.

235. I call it the Pink Lars.

236. Even though you're in space, there's still a part of you here

237. in sweet, delicious donut form.

238. You got to try one when you get back.

239. Anyway, hope this letter finds you in good spirits.

240. Love, Steven."

241. I appreciate the letter, but why did you write this

242. if you were just going to tell me everything in person anyway?

243. Sometimes it's nice to be read to.

244. You realize I don't know who half of these people are, right?

245. Like, who the heck is Peridot?

246. Someone who misses you every day, I think.

247. You know what? You haven't met before.

248. I'll have to introduce you when you get back to Earth.

249. Huh. Thanks for the letter, Steven.