1. "Historical Friction"
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2. - Steven.
- Jamie!
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3. Safe.
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4. We have fun.
So, you got the goods?
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5. Oh, I've got gooder than the goods.
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6. Bum-da-da-dum-dum
dum-da!
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7. - Wha...? A play!
- I'm holding auditions tonight.
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8. It's a local production
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9. drifting through space,
looking for stars.
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10. If you need a great actor,
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11. you come to the right guy.
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12. - What was that?
- An accent.
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13. - From where?
- I don't know.
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14. Acting.
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15. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
Where's everyone else?
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16. Uh, you're the only one that showed up.
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17. But, hey, some plays only
have one person in them,
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18. so we're already in 200%
better shape than that.
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19. That sounds like some strange math...
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20. - But I'm ready.
- Great.
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21. Here's a copy of the script.
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22. "Beach City or bust:
The tale of William Dewey."
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23. This is my first production,
so it needs to be exciting.
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24. It needs to be classic.
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25. It needs to be fully
funded by Mayor Dewey.
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26. And it is...
because he wrote it.
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27. - What's it about?
- I'm glad you asked.
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28. This is the story of how
Beach City was founded nearly
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29. 200 years ago by my
great-great-great-great grandfather,
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30. William Dewey.
It's a truly important historical tale
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31. with a lot of sentimental and
political importance to me.
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32. Well, we're just about to get started.
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33. Uh, would you like to sit
in on the rehearsal, mayor?
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34. Don't mind if I do.
Oh, pardon me.
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35. Okay, Steven.
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36. Since you're the only one who showed up,
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37. you'll be playing the
lead role of William Dewey.
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38. Nailed the audition!
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39. And for the other roles,
I guess I'll have to play...
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40. all of them.
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41. The ship is out at sea.
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42. The sun beats down on the
crew while they stand on deck.
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43. Suddenly, the tall,
ruggedly handsome man
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44. standing in front of them speaks...
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45. "Crew, I'm so glad you could
be part of this journey with me
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46. as we search for a new land
to build a distinguished new city in.
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47. "Oh, Captain William Dewey,
you're such a good captain.
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48. Never has a voyage been so super good."
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49. "Good point, first mate buddy."
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50. For fun.
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51. Oh, no. Is that a wild
squall approaching us?
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52. - Surely this can't be good.
- "Be calm, my crew."
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53. I'll just save us with my
heroic, supernatural ability."
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54. And then William Dewey
grows into a 50-Foot giant
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55. and carries the boat safely to shore.
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56. The crew thinks he's
so good at being captain
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57. that they elected him to be
the first mayor of Beach City.
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58. The end.
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59. Wow, Mayor Dewey.
That was really good.
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60. Yeah.
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61. William Dewey is a really, uh,
good character...
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62. but maybe we could bring out
another side of William Dewey?
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63. - See his struggles?
- The great William Dewey didn't struggle.
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64. He was good at everything
on the first try ...
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65. just like me when I wrote this play.
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66. Not a single word needs to be changed.
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67. - But maybe ...
- Don't forget who's funding this.
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68. Well, nice hustle, gentlemen.
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69. - Keep it up.
- Aye, aye.
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70. - This is gonna be a disaster.
- What?
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71. It's a terrible story.
William Dewey is totally unbelievable.
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72. - 'Cause he grows 50 feet?
- No, he's got no character.
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73. But the script kept
saying he was really good.
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74. Exactly.
How can a guy have no faults?
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75. To be human is to be flawed.
A real hero must struggle.
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76. That's so beautiful.
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77. And, also, totally not represented
in Mayor Dewey's script.
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78. My first play ...
and probably my last.
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79. Hey, Pearl.
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80. - Pearl?
- Steven, you're back.
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81. Yeah.
Show business is rough.
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82. Is there something I can help you with?
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83. Not unless you can make
William Dewey interesting.
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84. - How do you know William Dewey?
- I'm gonna be him in this play.
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85. But he's totally boring.
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86. He's perfect, and he
never makes mistakes.
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87. Wish I could say the same for myself.
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88. Yeah, but nobody's like that.
Everybody gets stuff wrong.
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89. And then you have to
keep going, and it's hard,
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90. which is why it's great
when you never stop trying.
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91. When did you get so smart?
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92. Hmm.
This isn't just boring.
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93. It's historically inaccurate.
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94. - Who wrote this?
- Mayor Dewey.
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95. He wasn't even there.
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96. - But I was.
- You were there?
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97. - Wait, what really happened?
- Well, for starters,
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98. "ruggedly handsome"
seems rather generous.
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99. Steven...
this is so real!
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100. It's like it was written
by someone who lived it!
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101. It was.
And I don't know if you can tell,
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102. - but I wrote the jokes.
- I can tell.
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103. - It's so gritty, so passionate, so...
- Historically accurate?
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104. And the drama?
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105. - This is the play we should be doing.
- Let's do it then.
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106. - Let's put on this version of the play.
- But how?
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107. We'd need new costumes, new props ...
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108. we have no time. And Mayor
Dewey will have our heads.
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109. But Jamie, you said it yourself ...
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110. "a real hero struggles."
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111. By jiminy, you're right.
This show will go on tomorrow night
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112. with you as Captain William Dewey
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113. - and I as the remaining roles.
- All of them?
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114. All of them.
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115. Boom, ahh, acting.
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116. - Mind if I have a seat?
- Okay...
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117. Oh, you know, I wrote this play.
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118. I hope Mayor Dewey isn't
mad about the changes
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119. Guess we'll have to see.
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120. - Are you nervous?
- Of course.
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121. This could either make
or break my career.
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122. You could lose your
job at the post office?
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123. This could either
make or break my hobby.
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124. - Acting.
- Acting.
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125. Boardies and gentleboardies,
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126. tonight, I am thrilled
to present to you...
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127. "The tale of William Dewey."
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128. - Yeah ... Beach City rules.
- Shh.
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129. Oh, captain, my captain,
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130. how long until the soft
lips of our sailing ship
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131. kiss the rugged beard of new lands?
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132. I know we've been
journeying for many months,
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133. but surely we'll run
into something soon.
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134. The ocean can't be that big.
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135. There he is. Hi, Steven!
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136. You're so talented.
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137. Back home they called me
"Dewey the dunce,"
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138. said I couldn't find land
even if I was standing on it.
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139. What the...
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140. And I'm starting to fear
that they were right.
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141. What light through
yon stage left breaks?
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142. Oh, what now?
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143. It is the East, and
we are the Crystal Gems.
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144. What?
This wasn't in the script.
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145. This wasn't in the budget, either.
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146. Greetings. I am Pearl.
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147. And I come to you
as a messenger of the brilliant,
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148. Rose Quartz.
We ask that you turn your ship around.
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149. The land you are headed for is no
walk in the park for your species.
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150. Nonsense. I won't take
orders from the likes of you.
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151. Well, then...
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152. You should turn around
lest you fall into the sea.
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153. And you know, humans
aren't very good swimmers.
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154. They ain't.
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155. I'll just return home
like the failure dunce I am.
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156. Ugh. I can't even turn a sail right.
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157. Why must I always struggle?
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158. Wow, Dad, what a loser.
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159. Oh, captain, my captain,
we've drifted miles from our course.
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160. These waves are nothing
like I've ever seen before.
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161. Nonsense. This is only a drizzle.
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162. Okay, maybe a light summer storm.
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163. What's that portside?
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164. - Lever.
- Oh.
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165. - Captain, it's got me!
- First mate buddy.
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166. Whatever you do, don't
give up your search.
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167. You're the bravest man
I know, because you try,
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168. even though you fail so, so much.
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169. Buddy, noooo!
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170. Oh, buddy, a stale
biscuit to the end.
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171. And now my boat will
sink into the depths.
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172. Dewey the disastrous dunce.
What's this?
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173. Holy anchovies.
The quadruple noogie.
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174. A move that's only been
spoken of in legends.
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175. Ah. It heads this way.
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176. Oh, please, goddess of
noogies, don't hurt me.
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177. Whoa. I've made it!
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178. Land!
Sweet, solid land!
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179. Ugh.
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180. Thank you, giant woman.
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181. You may not want to stay,
this land is dangerous.
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182. No, I will stay.
For I am William Dewey,
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183. and I don't give up
in the face of failure.
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184. That's what makes me great.
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185. Very well then.
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186. But I can't promise you
I won't interfere again.
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187. I shall name this new land in honor
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188. of my dead first mate, buddy.
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189. - I'm alive.
- Okay, Beach City it is.
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190. What?
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191. Nice to know great grandpa
was a real person with flaws.
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192. - Gutsy move Dad.
- Mayor Dewey!
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193. Mayor Dewey! Mayor ...
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194. - One for you, and one for you...
- Excuse me.
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195. If I could have a
moment with the talent.
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196. - Oh.
- Jamie.
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197. Oh, yeah. Fantastic work.
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198. I loved the message.
"Vote Mayor Dewey."
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199. How about I offer you another role ...
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200. lead director of Beach City
Community Theater.
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201. You could put on more plays ...
as long as the budget allows it.
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202. - Uh, thank you, sir.
- A lot of the credit should go to Pearl.
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203. You could say she was
an "inside source."
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204. I am a Gem of many talents ...
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205. a dedication to fact
is just one of them.
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206. Thank you for preserving my legacy.
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207. - Oh, what's 200 years between friends.
- Well... I must be off then
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208. to bask in the adulation
of my constituents.
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209. You know, I don't remember there being a
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210. campaign slogan at
the end of that story.
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211. Art doesn't always
need a reason, Pearl.
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212. Sometimes it's just gotta
make the audience happy.
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213. That's why you always end on a joke.
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