Star Trek: The Next Generation 6x8

Directed by Patrick Stewart

Brian Bonsall as Alexander Rozhenko • John Pyper-Ferguson as Eli Hollander • Joy Garrett as Annie Meyers • Majel Barrett as Enterprise Computer (voice) • Majel Barrett as Enterprise Computer (voice) / Lwaxana Troi

Stardate: 46271.5. Worf and his son, Alexander, become trapped in the holodeck when their Wild West program malfunctions. However, they must find a way to defeat the holographic bandits who have Data's appearance and abilities.

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1. Captain's Log, Stardate 46271.5.

2. The Enterprise has entered orbit of Deinonychus VII

3. but our scheduled rendezvous with the supply ship Biko

4. has been delayed for another 48 hours.

5. In the meantime, many members of the crew

6. are taking advantage of the delay

7. to pursue their own projects, myself included.

8. Computer, stop playback.

9. Change the clarinet to an oboe.

10. Continue recording.

11. Computer, pause playback.

12. Come.

13. Yes, gentlemen?

14. Captain, we'd like your permission

15. to take the engineering computer

16. off-line for a couple of hours.

17. We're working on a new interface

18. that would allow Data to act as an emergency backup

19. in the event of a ship-wide systems failure.

20. In theory, my neural network

21. should be able to sustain key systems

22. until primary control is restored.

23. Hmm, it sounds like an intriguing experiment.

24. I'll be interested to see the results.

25. Permission granted.

26. It's possible we might even be able to run

27. some secondary systems through Data—

28. weapons control, sensor...

29. Yes, I get the idea, Mr. La Forge.

30. Thank you. Please proceed.

31. Computer, begin playback from the first measure.

32. Computer, pause recording.

33. Come.

34. Jean-Luc, I need to talk to you

35. about Something For Breakfast.

36. Breakfast?

37. The play.

38. Ah, yes, well, it's a very intriguing drama

39. but I really don't have the time

40. it would take to learn a part.

41. And, uh, anyway, I'm not much of an actor.

42. That's no problem. Oh?

43. Well, you wouldn't be playing one of the leads.

44. Oh.

45. It's a very small part— only two lines.

46. Really?

47. It's the role of the butler.

48. Well, I'll think about it and let you know.

49. You would be wonderful, Jean-Luc.

50. We're rehearsing today at 1:30.

51. Computer, begin playback from the first measure.

52. Computer, pause recording.

53. Yes!

54. Captain, I am sorry to interrupt...

55. No. Please, Mr. Worf, come in.

56. I was hoping to take advantage

57. of the Biko's delay

58. by staging ship-wide security drills.

59. I have planned a tentative schedule.

60. Oh, yes, this is very impressive, Mr. Worf.

61. But we'll be taking on new personnel

62. at Starbase 118 in a few weeks.

63. Surely, the drills can wait until then.

64. In that case, I will use the time to perform

65. maintenance checks on the forward phaser array.

66. Mr. Worf, is there some reason

67. why you are trying to give yourself more work?

68. No, sir. I simply wish to use the extra time...

69. Enjoy yourself.

70. You have the free time.

71. Use it.

72. Yes, sir.

73. Thank you, sir.

74. Computer, continue recording and playback once more...

75. from the top.

76. Father!

77. What did he say?

78. The captain saw fit to release me from my duties.

79. You mean you can go?

80. I can go.

81. Saddle up, Father.

82. Space, the final frontier.

83. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.

84. Its continuing mission—

85. to explore strange new worlds...

86. to seek out new life and new civilizations...

87. to boldly go where no one has gone before.

88. Where are we?

89. Deadwood.

90. 19th-century Earth.

91. The ancient West.

92. What is our function here?

93. You are the sheriff, and I'm the deputy.

94. So...

95. we are in law enforcement.

96. Right.

97. Geordi? Mm-hmm?

98. I have noticed that you have not shaved.

99. Are you attempting to grow another beard?

100. Matter of fact, I am, Data.

101. What do you think?

102. As is the case with many natural growth processes

103. it is difficult to envision the end product

104. based on an intermediate stage.

105. You're right.

106. Give it a few more days.

107. Okay, I'm going to need to access

108. your auxiliary inputs.

109. One moment.

110. I must admit, Data.

111. I never get used to seeing you like this.

112. I do not understand.

113. You are constantly working on similar electronic systems

114. yet their appearances do not disturb you.

115. Yeah, but you're not just another electronic system.

116. Thank you, Geordi.

117. Nor are you just another biological organism.

118. All right, that should do it.

119. You ready?

120. Yes.

121. Establishing computer linkup.

122. Interface complete.

123. All right, let's see what you can do.

124. You wrote this holodeck program yourself?

125. Well, Mr. Barclay helped a little.

126. I must have a little talk with Mr. Barclay.

127. If ever I find the varmint that drew this

128. he'll be sorry he ever put pen to paper.

129. I'm ten times uglier than that, ain't I?

130. Shut up.

131. You laugh so much, it's a wonder

132. you ain't got flies in your mouth.

133. You're a very funny man, Señor Eli.

134. That's the bad guy.

135. His name's Eli Hollander.

136. They call him "The Butcher of Bozeman."

137. He's killed 23 men.

138. He's the meanest and the toughest gunslinger

139. in the West.

140. You have to watch him— he's fast.

141. So I am here to apprehend him?

142. If you can.

143. You are under arrest.

144. Is that so?

145. Sakes alive! Did you see that?

146. You will come with me.

147. No, no, no.

148. Computer, freeze program.

149. What is wrong?

150. That was too easy.

151. It has to be harder to beat the bad guys.

152. Otherwise, it's no fun.

153. Computer, increase program difficulty to level four.

154. Go back to where my father and I first walked

155. into the saloon.

156. Come on, Father.

157. If ever I find the varmint that drew this

158. he'll be sorry he ever put pen to paper.

159. I'm ten times uglier than that, ain't I?

160. Shut up.

161. You laugh so much, it's a wonder

162. you ain't got flies in your mouth.

163. You're a very funny man, Señor Eli.

164. Where are they going?

165. They don't want to get hit by the bullets.

166. You... are under arrest.

167. Well...

168. Looks like Sheriff Worf's here to arrest me.

169. That don't sound like a bright idea...

170. do it?

171. You have been accused of committing a homicide.

172. If you mean murder

173. then I guess I'm guilty.

174. I've killed 23 men, Sheriff.

175. One more ain't going to make much of a difference.

176. Of course, shooting someone as ugly as you

177. couldn't be considered a crime, could it?

178. Was you born that way

179. or did your mama marry an armadillo?

180. Sheriff, look out!

181. I'm beginning to see the appeal of this program.

182. Don't twitch a whisker, Sheriff,

183. 'less you want a shave.

184. Okay, boys.

185. Saddle up!

186. But first...

187. get their money and jewelry.

188. You are a murderer and a thief.

189. A man's got to make a living.

190. I suggest you find a new line of work.

191. I asked Counselor Troi to join us.

192. She loves Western stories.

193. You'll regret this, stranger.

194. I am now attempting to access the long-range sensor array.

195. Forward sensor array coming on line.

196. We're getting a clear scan.

197. I will perform a routine maintenance check

198. on the starboard inertial damping system.

199. Dampers on line.

200. Maintenance check in progress.

201. Data, I think we're onto something here.

202. Let's see what you can do

203. with the secondary systems.

204. Try gravitational control.

205. Initiating gravit...

206. What's wrong?

207. There appears to be an energy fluctuation

208. in my neural net.

209. I am disconnecting my interface to the computer.

210. Interface deactivated.

211. You all right?

212. I have experienced a brief power surge

213. in my positronic subprocessor, but I am fine.

214. Maybe the interface coding

215. isn't as stable as we thought.

216. Looks like we've got

217. a couple of hours of systems analysis

218. before we can try this again.

219. Let's check the interface programming.

220. What are his rights in this century?

221. Is there a trial, or shall I execute him?

222. We're supposed to hold him till the U.S. marshal comes.

223. And then we'll take him to Rapid City for a trial.

224. Frankly, I don't think

225. I'll be around here that long.

226. Not after my old man hears about this.

227. What "old man" are you referring to?

228. My pa.

229. When he breaks me out of this tin can

230. gravedigger will be working overtime.

231. Your pa is no match for Sheriff Worf.

232. Yes, when your "pa" comes, we will be ready for him.

233. Yeah.

234. He's right.

235. You're no match for the Hollanders.

236. I'm sure that the three of us can handle any problems.

237. Hold on.

238. I was just passing through town, saw a little trouble

239. and thought I'd lend a hand.

240. But I ain't one of your deputies, Sheriff.

241. Counselor, I would appreciate some support in this matter.

242. Durango!

243. I'm called Durango.

244. Yes, uh, Counselor Durango.

245. Perhaps you would consider

246. becoming a temporary deputy.

247. For a price.

248. $500.

249. Alexander, we require large amounts of currency.

250. Yes, sir.

251. I'll go to the bank and make a withdrawal.

252. Deanna, how do you know so much about this period

253. in Earth's history?

254. My father used to read me stories

255. from the ancient West when I was a little girl.

256. I must admit, I always wanted to play the part

257. of the "mysterious stranger."

258. Oh!

259. You are so brave.

260. Facing down that evil man

261. like you did.

262. Why, thank you, Miss...?

263. Annie, you big galoot!

264. You best not forget that tonight

265. 'cause I'm going to make you a beefsteak

266. and some gooseberry cobbler for dessert.

267. Sounds delicious.

268. And I bought some special candles

269. for the table setting— pure beeswax.

270. I will not be able to come this evening.

271. I have a prisoner.

272. I'll keep an eye on him for you, Sheriff.

273. You two go have a good time.

274. That's very considerate of you

275. but I would be negligent in my duties if I did not stay.

276. I am sorry, Ms. Annie.

277. It's another woman, ain't it?

278. It's that floozy down there

279. at Miss Langford's House of Pleasure!

280. Who?

281. You sure got a way with women, Sheriff.

282. Computer, activate Picard Mozart Trio, Program 1.

283. Play back tracks one, two and three.

284. Tempo allegro.

285. Computer, stop playback.

286. Computer, identify musical composition.

287. Picard Mozart Trio, Program 1.

288. Okay.

289. Let's work through act two from the beginning.

290. Whenever you're ready.

291. "Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature.

292. "An endothermic quadruped

293. carnivorous by nature..."

294. Hold it.

295. Will, what are you reading?

296. The lines. Why?

297. That's not the right dialogue.

298. "Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses

299. contribute to your..." I recognize it.

300. This is Data's poetry.

301. What?

302. The play's gone.

303. I just keep getting more poetry.

304. Well, the PADDs are functioning normally.

305. It seems to be a problem

306. with the information retrieval net.

307. Somehow, when you tried to call up your play

308. the computer accessed Data's literary files.

309. Geordi, perhaps this problem

310. is related to our interface experiment.

311. Hmm. We'd better run a level-2 diagnostic

312. on the computer to see if this problem

313. has spread to any other systems.

314. And I will perform a self-diagnostic.

315. That's a good idea.

316. You will let me know if you find the play?

317. Oh, yeah, don't worry.

318. It's in here somewhere.

319. We got him, Jefe.

320. Where's my boy?

321. I'm not supposed to be kidnapped now.

322. Computer, freeze program.

323. Hey!

324. Computer, freeze program.

325. You want us to kill him, Señor Frank?

326. No.

327. He's more valuable to us...

328. alive.

329. Feline supplement 127.

330. Spot, I have formulated a new mixture of foods

331. specifically designed for your highly selective tastes.

332. I find it extremely difficult

333. to predict what you will find acceptable.

334. Perhaps hunger will compel you to try it again.

335. Spot, you are disrupting my ability to work.

336. Vamoose, ya little varmint!

337. What'll it be?

338. I was looking for my deputy.

339. Perhaps you have seen him.

340. Nope.

341. What'll you have?

342. Um...

343. Klingon fire wine.

344. This ain't Kansas City.

345. We ain't got none of that fancy European stuff here.

346. Maybe I should get you a sherry.

347. Ain't that what they serve at Miss Langford's?

348. It is, ain't it?

349. Ain't it?

350. Humph.

351. Howdy, Sheriff.

352. Commander. What are you doing here?

353. The name is Frank Hollander.

354. What are you looking at?

355. Nothing.

356. Nothing at all, Mr. Hollander.

357. What do you want?

358. My boy.

359. That is impossible.

360. Your son is to stand trial for murder.

361. Well, then

362. we'll just have to work something out.

363. Is there anything you... want

364. in exchange for my boy?

365. You have nothing I want.

366. Is that so?

367. Is that so?

368. What about your... deputy?

369. What about him?

370. Where is he?

371. I do not negotiate with criminals.

372. Your son will stand trial.

373. Not so fast.

374. Commander, what are you doing?

375. I ain't in the mood for games, Sheriff.

376. Commander?

377. Computer, freeze program.

378. I wouldn't walk out that door if I was you, Sheriff.

379. What's wrong?

380. The holodeck safeguards are not functioning.

381. Alexander's in trouble.

382. My God! You've been shot.

383. Computer, end program.

384. Troi to Captain Picard.

385. Troi to security.

386. There's another character in the program—

387. Hollander's father.

388. And he looks like Commander Data.

389. Data?

390. But it is not Data.

391. I-I cannot explain.

392. I believe he has taken Alexander.

393. Aw, now, isn't that a shame?

394. Poor Sheriff's been injured.

395. What's the matter?

396. Was my pa a little too rough on ya?

397. Data?

398. What?

399. Why is the computer creating characters

400. that look like Data?

401. Where have they taken my son?

402. Where is he?

403. Temper, temper, Sheriff.

404. My pa ain't going to like it if I come home all bruised.

405. Worf, wait!

406. We have to remember— even though

407. the holodeck safeguards may be off

408. this is still a program.

409. If we can just get to the end of this story

410. the way it was designed to play out

411. the program will automatically terminate.

412. You are right.

413. I will begin by speaking to the people of this town.

414. Perhaps somebody witnessed Alexander's abduction.

415. Captain's Log, supplemental.

416. Commander La Forge and Mr. Data believe they have found

417. the cause of the mysterious malfunctions

418. which have been plaguing the ship.

419. We think our interface experiment may have caused

420. one of the computer's core subroutines to be altered.

421. When the interface malfunction occurred

422. subroutine C-47 was replaced

423. by elements from my personal programming.

424. What does C-47 control?

425. Library computer access, replicator selection

426. recreational programming. No critical systems.

427. That would explain why your music composition program

428. began playing "The Slavonic Dances."

429. I have been analyzing

430. the collected works of Anton Dvorak.

431. It's the same with Dr. Crusher's play

432. and with the food replicators.

433. The replicators on decks four through nine

434. are producing nothing but cat food.

435. Cat food?

436. I have been formulating

437. nutritional supplements for Spot.

438. Oh... when can you correct the problem?

439. We are currently attempting to isolate

440. the corrupted circuit pathways.

441. I reckon the process should take

442. less than two hours.

443. What did you say?

444. I said the process should take less than two hours.

445. No. You said, "I reckon."

446. According to my memory logs, I did not use those words.

447. Y'all must be mistaken.

448. There, Data, you did it again.

449. Did what?

450. Uh... Mr. La Forge

451. perhaps you should take Mr. Data to engineering.

452. See if you can find the problem.

453. Aye, sir.

454. Can I help you with something?

455. I spoke to several witnesses

456. who saw Alexander being abducted

457. as he was leaving the bank by one of Hollander's men.

458. We must begin a systematic search of the town.

459. Worf, we've got another problem.

460. I saw Eli playing cards.

461. He was shuffling the way Data does when he plays poker.

462. He doesn't just look like Data.

463. He has Data's abilities

464. which means his father probably does also.

465. I come to see my boy.

466. Remove your weapon.

467. Better take a good look at that gun, Sheriff.

468. You might be seeing it again real soon.

469. Pa!

470. Eli!

471. How they treating you, boy?

472. Real bad, Pa.

473. Ain't fed me since I got here

474. and that sheriff's been

475. roughing up on me something fierce.

476. Don't you worry, boy.

477. Sheriff's going to pay.

478. Who's the stranger?

479. I don't know.

480. She ain't said her name

481. but she's in cahoots with the sheriff

482. and she's mighty mean with that Winchester.

483. You sit tight, boy.

484. I'll have you home in time for supper.

485. I'm going to give you one more opportunity, Sheriff,

486. to avoid a ugly situation.

487. Release my boy.

488. I have reconsidered your offer.

489. I will release your son in exchange for my deputy.

490. I thought you might have a change of heart.

491. Meet me in two hours.

492. You be in front of the saloon.

493. I'll be in front of the livery stable.

494. Strangers ain't invited.

495. Agreed.

496. In every Western I've ever read,

497. the villains always break their word.

498. He can't be trusted.

499. But we have made an honorable agreement.

500. They're not concerned with honor, Worf.

501. This is the ancient West.

502. There's a gunfighter out there

503. who has the speed and accuracy of an android...

504. and in two hours, he's going to try to kill you.

505. Mr. Data.

506. Howdy, Commander.

507. Geordi, what have you found?

508. Well, we figure part of my memory structure

509. was replaced with information

510. from the computer's recreational database.

511. Specifically, the files relating

512. to the American 19th-century West.

513. That would explain the accent.

514. You got it, pardner.

515. This is a result of the experimental interface?

516. I'm afraid so, but we've initiated

517. a progressive memory purge to restore Data's programming

518. to its original state.

519. He should be back to normal in a couple of hours.

520. And what about the computer's recreational database?

521. We've started a memory purge there, as well.

522. That should take another hour, maybe two.

523. Commander... you just sit tight.

524. We'll have this all fixed up in time for supper.

525. Good.

526. I will be positioned here

527. at the eastern end of the street.

528. Frank Hollander says he will approach from this end.

529. Now, when he reaches this point, he will be within range.

530. Understood. What about Alexander?

531. Well, there's a rain barrel in front of the saloon.

532. It should be enough to stop the bullets.

533. You would not believe what I went through

534. to get Old Man Newsome

535. to give up his telegraph machine.

536. Ah...

537. Excellent.

538. Lord knows why I keep risking my life for you, Sheriff.

539. Oh, yes, uh, thank you, Ms. Annie.

540. I'm in your debt.

541. I have connected the communicator's energy cell

542. to serve as the power source.

543. How long will the field last?

544. No more than 15 seconds.

545. It is highly unstable.

546. Let's hope it's enough.

547. Eli, get down!

548. Alexander!

549. Don't even think about it.

550. Señor Frank!

551. Go ahead, shoot me.

552. Do not show your face in this town again.

553. Let's go.

554. Father!

555. Are you all right?

556. Yes.

557. End program.

558. I don't understand this.

559. The story should be over.

560. What's left?

561. Computer, end program.

562. Sheriff!

563. You're as handy with a shootin' iron...

564. as you are with a woman's heart.

565. Computer, end program.

566. Computer!

567. Now!

568. Captain's Log, Stardate 46278.3.

569. Both Commander Data and the ship's computer

570. have been restored to normal operation.

571. Our rendezvous with the supply ship Biko

572. has proceeded as planned.

573. Father...

574. after what happened

575. I guess you'll never want

576. to go back to the ancient West.

577. The town of Deadwood may face danger once again.

578. If they do, they will need a sheriff...

579. and a deputy.