1. Station Log, Stardate 46925.1.Copy !req
2. We have been honored
with a visitCopy !req
3. by a delegation
of Federation ambassadorsCopy !req
4. on a fact-finding mission
to the wormhole.Copy !req
5. Fortunately,
I have just the officerCopy !req
6. to take them off my hands.Copy !req
7. I only wish there was something
I could do, Ambassador.Copy !req
8. Madam Ambassador.Copy !req
9. Madam Ambassador.Copy !req
10. But all the guest
quarters on the stationCopy !req
11. are roughly the same size.Copy !req
12. Then move me
to the crew level.Copy !req
13. All the quarters
on the crew levelCopy !req
14. are currently occupied.Copy !req
15. Then someone can move.Copy !req
16. You, for example.Copy !req
17. She did
the same thingCopy !req
18. during the voyage here.Copy !req
19. She's never satisfied.Copy !req
20. At least I didn't bother
the Captain every hourCopy !req
21. with some new suggestion
on how to run his ship.Copy !req
22. He welcomed my suggestionsCopy !req
23. as I'm sure your Commander Sisko
will welcome themCopy !req
24. if we ever getCopy !req
25. to spend any time
with him.Copy !req
26. Well, Commander Sisko
is extremely busy.Copy !req
27. With what?Copy !req
28. With... the...
recalibration sweep.Copy !req
29. What are you recalibrating?Copy !req
30. Mmm? Everything.Copy !req
31. Um, it's a sweeping...Copy !req
32. uh, a recalibration
of all systems.Copy !req
33. I cannot speak
for the othersCopy !req
34. but I would be fascinatedCopy !req
35. to observe this recalibration,
Doctor.Copy !req
36. You would?Copy !req
37. Well, after your long tripCopy !req
38. I thought you might enjoy
stopping by a holosuite.Copy !req
39. Are you
actually suggestingCopy !req
40. we indulge in one of those
disgusting Ferengi sex programs?Copy !req
41. No.Copy !req
42. I... the holosuites are capable
of many different...Copy !req
43. Of courseCopy !req
44. that's what he was suggesting.Copy !req
45. The Arbazan
are so sexually repressed.Copy !req
46. Why, this is outrageous.Copy !req
47. Perhaps we should all
just get some rest.Copy !req
48. I did not come
all this wayCopy !req
49. to rest, Doctor.Copy !req
50. I would like to see
your facility.Copy !req
51. A first-year officer
assigned as our liaison.Copy !req
52. Starfleet CommandCopy !req
53. will hear of this.Copy !req
54. Ambassador...
Madam AmbassadorCopy !req
55. I'm only...Copy !req
56. Oh, where is it?Copy !req
57. Oh, it's gone,
it's gone!Copy !req
58. What's gone,
Madam Ambassador?Copy !req
59. Oh, my latinum hair brooch.Copy !req
60. Quark!Copy !req
61. I had just made my
third straight cross.Copy !req
62. I was leaning
across the tableCopy !req
63. to pick up the dice againCopy !req
64. something brushed
against meCopy !req
65. and my God!Copy !req
66. I've been wigged.Copy !req
67. What's the problem, here?Copy !req
68. Someone has stolen Ambassador
Troi's latinum hair brooch.Copy !req
69. I'm sorry, but as the sign says,
the establishmentCopy !req
70. is not responsibleCopy !req
71. for the loss
of any personal items.Copy !req
72. Sign? What sign?Copy !req
73. The one above the door.Copy !req
74. You'd have to stand on a chair
to read that.Copy !req
75. House rules.Copy !req
76. I'm very sorry.Copy !req
77. Have a nice day.Copy !req
78. You are dealingCopy !req
79. with the daughter
of the Fifth HouseCopy !req
80. Holder of the Sacred
Chalice of RixxCopy !req
81. Heir to the Holy
Rings of Betazed.Copy !req
82. Not my ear, please!Copy !req
83. Yes, and I know where
it hurts the mostCopy !req
84. you little troll.Copy !req
85. Now, I want
this room sealedCopy !req
86. and I want everyone
in it strip-searchedCopy !req
87. until you find my brooch.Copy !req
88. May I be of service?Copy !req
89. Oh, thank goodness.Copy !req
90. Our Chief of
Security, Odo.Copy !req
91. What seems to be
the problem?Copy !req
92. Well, my brooch
has been stolen.Copy !req
93. It's been in my family
for 36 generations.Copy !req
94. It's absolutely priceless
and I want it back.Copy !req
95. You're certain
you were wearing it today?Copy !req
96. Yes, of course I'm certain.Copy !req
97. I never use this hair
without it.Copy !req
98. I see.Copy !req
99. You're... Betazoid?Copy !req
100. Of course.Copy !req
101. Telepathic?Copy !req
102. Yes.Copy !req
103. And you sense no guilt
anywhere in this room?Copy !req
104. No, but Betazoids
cannot read Ferengis.Copy !req
105. Quark has plenty of
reason to feel guiltyCopy !req
106. but he usually doesn't
have to resort to petty theftCopy !req
107. to fleece his clients.Copy !req
108. Thank you.Copy !req
109. Wait a minute.Copy !req
110. Empty your pockets now.Copy !req
111. Well...Copy !req
112. since when did you
join Starfleet?Copy !req
113. That's it— that's my brooch.Copy !req
114. But how did you know?Copy !req
115. Dopterians are distant
relatives of the Ferengi.Copy !req
116. It made sense that, since
you couldn't read QuarkCopy !req
117. you might not
be able to readCopy !req
118. this charming
fellow either.Copy !req
119. Oh, how perfectly
brilliant of you.Copy !req
120. Doctor, I want to know
everything there is to knowCopy !req
121. about your Security Chief.Copy !req
122. Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURESCopy !req
123. Computer, is the diagnosticCopy !req
124. on the fusion power plant
finished yet?Copy !req
125. Affirmative.Copy !req
126. The fusion power plant
is operatingCopy !req
127. within normal parameters.Copy !req
128. What are you talking about?Copy !req
129. It's 13% below normal.Copy !req
130. Cardassain specificationsCopy !req
131. accept operating efficiency
within 20%.Copy !req
132. Well, I don't.Copy !req
133. Anara.Copy !req
134. Yes, sir.Copy !req
135. How much do you knowCopy !req
136. about carbon
reaction chambers?Copy !req
137. I've learned a little
about laser-induced fusionCopy !req
138. not much more
than the basics.Copy !req
139. Ah, it's a bloody
inefficient system.Copy !req
140. I'd trade it in for a Federation
model tomorrow if I couldCopy !req
141. but it's all we've got.Copy !req
142. Do me a favor.Copy !req
143. Keep an eye on the exhaust
plasma temperature.Copy !req
144. Computer, increase deuterium
flowCopy !req
145. by five percent
to reaction chamber two.Copy !req
146. Procedure is not recommended.Copy !req
147. Look, I've had enough
of your opinions, damn it.Copy !req
148. Just do it!Copy !req
149. Procedure is not recommended.Copy !req
150. Consult Cardassian
operational guidelinesCopy !req
151. paragraph 254-A, now on screen.Copy !req
152. I don't want to read
your tech manual.Copy !req
153. Fine.Copy !req
154. We'll do it ourselves.Copy !req
155. Reinitializing reactor two.Copy !req
156. Directing plasma flow
to conduits 143, 144...Copy !req
157. Chief O'Brien, the power
flow from reactor twoCopy !req
158. has just been shut down.Copy !req
159. What?Copy !req
160. Computer, analyze
reactor two failure.Copy !req
161. Reactor two was shut down
after sensors detectedCopy !req
162. a potential overload
of the carbon reaction chambers.Copy !req
163. That's it.
That's the straw!Copy !req
164. Relax, Chief.Copy !req
165. It's just a computer.Copy !req
166. This is no computer.Copy !req
167. This is my archenemy.Copy !req
168. You've got it working just
fine, as far I can tell.Copy !req
169. Fine? With all due
respect, CommanderCopy !req
170. as an engineer, I couldn't
look at myself in the mirrorCopy !req
171. if I allowed this computerCopy !req
172. to continue to perform
as it is now.Copy !req
173. I'll have to do
a root canal.Copy !req
174. Root canal?Copy !req
175. It's engineering
shorthand, sir.Copy !req
176. I'll have to get
into its gutsCopy !req
177. and rebuild it
from the ground up.Copy !req
178. How long will that take?Copy !req
179. Well, I'm still
not that familiarCopy !req
180. with Cardassian technologyCopy !req
181. but, oh, I guess no more
than two, three years.Copy !req
182. That's going to take
a lot of man-hours.Copy !req
183. Is it really necessary?Copy !req
184. You don't understand...Copy !req
185. Let's just say I don't haveCopy !req
186. your sensitivity
to the computer.Copy !req
187. That's all right.
Forget about it.Copy !req
188. Uh, Chief...Copy !req
189. It's all right.
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
190. Chief, I want you to do
what you have to do.Copy !req
191. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
192. I'll get right on it.Copy !req
193. And this
is Ops.Copy !req
194. The heart and soul
of Deep Space 9.Copy !req
195. Ah, there you
are, Commander.Copy !req
196. Gentlemen, Madam Ambassador.Copy !req
197. They insisted
on seeingCopy !req
198. operations, sir.Copy !req
199. Of course.Copy !req
200. Make yourselves at home.Copy !req
201. I trust that Doctor BashirCopy !req
202. has been taking care
of all your needs.Copy !req
203. Well, he refuses to change
my accommodations.Copy !req
204. Accommodations?Copy !req
205. Well, if I have to sleep
another nightCopy !req
206. on a Cardassian bed
with gargoyles staring at meCopy !req
207. from the wood poles...Copy !req
208. Commander.Copy !req
209. An unidentified vessel
is coming through the wormhole.Copy !req
210. On screen.
Excuse me.Copy !req
211. Uh, you'll get a better view
from over here.Copy !req
212. Quite a sightCopy !req
213. isn't it?Copy !req
214. That's it?Copy !req
215. That's the whole thing?Copy !req
216. Well, yes, it is.Copy !req
217. I was expecting
more, somehow.Copy !req
218. Scanners aren't picking up
any life-formsCopy !req
219. on board.Copy !req
220. A probe?Copy !req
221. Might be.Copy !req
222. I'm reading an extensive
computer arrayCopy !req
223. but no signals to suggest
it's trying to maintain contactCopy !req
224. with a mother ship.Copy !req
225. Are the computers
compatible with ours?Copy !req
226. It's hard to tell.Copy !req
227. I don't recognize any known
subprocessor patterns.Copy !req
228. Obviously, the young woman
doesn't haveCopy !req
229. the necessary experience.Copy !req
230. Perhaps I can...Copy !req
231. The "young woman" over thereCopy !req
232. has over 300 years
experience, Ambassador.Copy !req
233. I might have
better luckCopy !req
234. if we towed it
into the docking ring.Copy !req
235. No, not until we know
a little bit more about it.Copy !req
236. Major, tow it to 500 meters
off the docking ring.Copy !req
237. Yes, sir.Copy !req
238. Mr. O'Brien, try to set up
an adaptive interface linkCopy !req
239. and see if we can download
any information from it.Copy !req
240. Aye, sir.Copy !req
241. I think it will be best
if we clear this area.Copy !req
242. But this probe may
represent contactCopy !req
243. with a new species.Copy !req
244. Commander, I thinkCopy !req
245. it would be appropriateCopy !req
246. for at least one
Federation ambassadorCopy !req
247. to be present
at this historic occasionCopy !req
248. and since I have
a particular interestCopy !req
249. in First Contact
procedures...Copy !req
250. I appreciate your interest,
AmbassadorCopy !req
251. and to keep you all informed,
I'm scheduling a briefingCopy !req
252. at 0400.Copy !req
253. In the meantime, Dr. BashirCopy !req
254. the best place
to view this probeCopy !req
255. is from the docking ring
near Port Seven.Copy !req
256. I'll show them the way.Copy !req
257. Such concentration.Copy !req
258. Such intensity, such
passion for your work.Copy !req
259. Tracking intergalactic
malefactors.Copy !req
260. Most people find it
rather tedious.Copy !req
261. Tedious?Copy !req
262. No, those of us who
have been beneficiariesCopy !req
263. of your heroismCopy !req
264. would never call
your work tedious.Copy !req
265. We've learned that,
on this stationCopy !req
266. you are the thin, beige line
between order and chaos.Copy !req
267. That's my job.Copy !req
268. Now, what can I do for you?Copy !req
269. You haven't lost
anything else, I hope.Copy !req
270. Only my heart.Copy !req
271. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
272. Is, um...Copy !req
273. is Odo your first
or last name?Copy !req
274. Yes.Copy !req
275. Oh. Then I can
just call you, uh...?Copy !req
276. Odo.Copy !req
277. It has a certain
lyrical quality.Copy !req
278. Lyrical?Copy !req
279. Odo...Copy !req
280. It rolls off the tongue.Copy !req
281. Uh...Copy !req
282. I have a lot
of work to do.Copy !req
283. I understand you're
a shape-shifter.Copy !req
284. That's correct.Copy !req
285. I've never been
with a shape-shifter.Copy !req
286. "Been with?"Copy !req
287. I've heard that you're
the only one of your kind.Copy !req
288. So far.Copy !req
289. Mmm.Copy !req
290. All the men I've knownCopy !req
291. have needed to be shaped,
and molded, and manipulatedCopy !req
292. and finally I've met a manCopy !req
293. who knows how
to do it himself.Copy !req
294. Oh...Copy !req
295. Is that the com?Copy !req
296. I think it is.Copy !req
297. Excuse me.Copy !req
298. I've got to get
to Ops.Copy !req
299. Initiating high-resolution scan.Copy !req
300. Memory nodes located.Copy !req
301. Proceeding with data transfer.Copy !req
302. Yeah, there you go.Copy !req
303. Who would have thought?Copy !req
304. You seem
surprised, Chief.Copy !req
305. Well, knowing this computer,
I thought I would have hadCopy !req
306. to reconfigure
the whole emulator moduleCopy !req
307. to make it compatible
with the probeCopy !req
308. but it's cooperating for once.Copy !req
309. Transfer of data is complete.Copy !req
310. Well done, computer.Copy !req
311. Computer,
run standard code translationsCopy !req
312. on probe data.Copy !req
313. Isolate syntax results.Copy !req
314. Processing.Copy !req
315. Stand by.Copy !req
316. Come in.Copy !req
317. Yes, Odo.Copy !req
318. Commander...Copy !req
319. I have a problem.Copy !req
320. Quark again?Copy !req
321. No, sir.Copy !req
322. This one is
named Lwaxana.Copy !req
323. Lwaxana Troi, the ambassador?Copy !req
324. That's her.Copy !req
325. There was a minor
incident at the barCopy !req
326. that I helped her
with, and now she's...Copy !req
327. grateful.Copy !req
328. What's the problem?Copy !req
329. The manner in which
she expresses her gratitude.Copy !req
330. To be honest,
Commander, she seems...Copy !req
331. interested in me.Copy !req
332. What's wrong with that?Copy !req
333. She's extremely aggressive.Copy !req
334. I see.
So she's after you.Copy !req
335. Like a Wanoni tracehound.Copy !req
336. Have you thought
of letting her catch you?Copy !req
337. Sir?Copy !req
338. A little romance, Odo.Copy !req
339. I have six pylons that need
a complete security sweep.Copy !req
340. I don't have time
for romantic interludes.Copy !req
341. Frankly, in my humble opinion,
most of you humanoidsCopy !req
342. spend far too much timeCopy !req
343. on your
respective mating rituals.Copy !req
344. It does help the procreation
of one's species.Copy !req
345. Procreation does not require
changing how you smellCopy !req
346. or writing bad poetry,
or sacrificing various plantsCopy !req
347. to serve as tokens of affection.Copy !req
348. In any event,
it's all irrelevant to me.Copy !req
349. I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
350. I would appreciate
it if you wouldCopy !req
351. do something
about this woman.Copy !req
352. Me?Copy !req
353. Just tell her to leave me alone.Copy !req
354. Constable,
you can handleCopy !req
355. thieves and killers,
but not one Betazoid woman?Copy !req
356. I understand
thieves and killers.Copy !req
357. I don't understand... her.Copy !req
358. I can't help you, Odo.Copy !req
359. I'm just trying to avoid
a diplomatic incident.Copy !req
360. I don't want
to insult the Ambassador.Copy !req
361. A reasonable
concern.Copy !req
362. I suggest you handle the matter
with great delicacy.Copy !req
363. I don't handle "delicacy"
very well.Copy !req
364. The probe appears
to be madeCopy !req
365. out of some sort
of corundium alloy.Copy !req
366. Analysis of all subprocessor
modules is complete.Copy !req
367. Already?Copy !req
368. On screen.Copy !req
369. Lieutenant?Copy !req
370. No science modulesCopy !req
371. no communications systemCopy !req
372. and enough computer
capacity to runCopy !req
373. a Galaxy-class
starship.Copy !req
374. It's very odd.Copy !req
375. That's an awful lot
of computer hardwareCopy !req
376. simply to
navigate a probe.Copy !req
377. Anything?Copy !req
378. Nothing to suggest
the probe's mission...Copy !req
379. or any hint
of its origin.Copy !req
380. Ah! There you are, Odo!Copy !req
381. Have you ever beenCopy !req
382. on the fourth moon
of Andevian II at dawn?Copy !req
383. Can't say I have.Copy !req
384. I have the most
wonderful holoprogram.Copy !req
385. And I've reserved
a suite for usCopy !req
386. with that Quark person.Copy !req
387. You told Quark that you were
going into a holosuite with me?Copy !req
388. Well, of course.Copy !req
389. He's preparing a special
picnic basket for us.Copy !req
390. Good Lord.Copy !req
391. I'm afraid
I'm not available.Copy !req
392. I have to get to Upper
Pylon 3 immediately.Copy !req
393. Madam Ambassador...Copy !req
394. Oh, Lwaxana.Copy !req
395. Um... Upper Pylon 3.Copy !req
396. I've always wanted
to see an upper pylon.Copy !req
397. I know— I'll have QuarkCopy !req
398. send one of his minions
with our basket.Copy !req
399. We'll have our picnic
up there.Copy !req
400. Madam Ambassador...Copy !req
401. Oh, Lwaxana.Copy !req
402. I don't eat.Copy !req
403. This is not
a real mouth.Copy !req
404. It is an
approximation of one.Copy !req
405. I do not have an
esophagus or a stomachCopy !req
406. or a digestive system.Copy !req
407. I am not like you.Copy !req
408. Every 16 hours, I
turn into a liquid.Copy !req
409. I can swim.Copy !req
410. Oh...Copy !req
411. Computer?Copy !req
412. Computer!Copy !req
413. Odo to Ops.Copy !req
414. Go ahead, Odo.Copy !req
415. Ambassador Troi and I
are stuck in Turbolift 7.Copy !req
416. What's going on?Copy !req
417. Power to the pylon
turbolifts has failed.Copy !req
418. We're reading
a turbolift failure, Odo.Copy !req
419. We'll beam you out.Copy !req
420. Locking on.Copy !req
421. Prepare to transport.Copy !req
422. Ready.Copy !req
423. Energizing.Copy !req
424. Well?Copy !req
425. Looks like the transporter
is down, too.Copy !req
426. But don't worry, Constable.Copy !req
427. We'll get it repaired
right away.Copy !req
428. Dax to Chief O'Brien.Copy !req
429. Please report
to Ops immediately.Copy !req
430. Be patient, Odo.Copy !req
431. We'll get you out of there
as soon as we can.Copy !req
432. Well, alone at last.Copy !req
433. Electromotive coil functions,
normal.Copy !req
434. Load detection functions,
normal.Copy !req
435. Diagnostic complete.Copy !req
436. I don't get it.Copy !req
437. Every component
of the turbolift power netCopy !req
438. seems to be operational.Copy !req
439. We can't find anything wrong
with the transporter.Copy !req
440. Great, everything's
in working orderCopy !req
441. except nothing's working.Copy !req
442. How do we get our people
out of the turbolift, Chief?Copy !req
443. Well, if we were on a starship,
I'd reroute the EPS power flowCopy !req
444. in a couple of hours,
but, with this computerCopy !req
445. there's no telling
how long it'll take.Copy !req
446. Get it started.Copy !req
447. Kira to Odo.Copy !req
448. Yes, Major?Copy !req
449. I'm sorry, but you're goingCopy !req
450. to have to stay put
for a while longer.Copy !req
451. Define "a while."Copy !req
452. I wish I knew.Copy !req
453. By the way,
Cardassian turboliftsCopy !req
454. run exposed, multi-phased
alternating currentsCopy !req
455. through their
positioning mechanismsCopy !req
456. so don't try to shape-shift
your way out.Copy !req
457. I wouldn't think of it.Copy !req
458. Besides, it
wouldn't be polite.Copy !req
459. I didn't hear that.Copy !req
460. It wouldn't be polite.Copy !req
461. Understood.Copy !req
462. Kira out.Copy !req
463. Do you suppose
that we're, uh...Copy !req
464. we're actually
in any danger?Copy !req
465. Not if we remain calm.Copy !req
466. Ah.Copy !req
467. Well, then we might as
well enjoy ourselves.Copy !req
468. Uh, we can take the opportunity
to get to know each other.Copy !req
469. I'd really prefer
to pass the time quietly.Copy !req
470. Quietly.Copy !req
471. Quietly.Copy !req
472. Of course.Copy !req
473. Thank you.Copy !req
474. Mmm.Copy !req
475. The quiet man.Copy !req
476. Hmm.Copy !req
477. You know, I've always been
attracted to quiet men.Copy !req
478. Odd, isn't it?Copy !req
479. But maybe there'sCopy !req
480. more truth than we realize
to that old axiom that op...Copy !req
481. Quietly.Copy !req
482. Odo.Copy !req
483. Yes?Copy !req
484. I don't think I can.Copy !req
485. Can what?Copy !req
486. Well, you don't have
to say another wordCopy !req
487. as long as we're hereCopy !req
488. but I, I think I
really need to talk.Copy !req
489. I understand.Copy !req
490. There's nothing
to be afraid of.Copy !req
491. Of course not.Copy !req
492. No, things could
be much worse.Copy !req
493. Really?Copy !req
494. My daughter and I
were once trappedCopy !req
495. aboard a Ferengi cargo
ship, and it was dreadful.Copy !req
496. Well, all right, it
wasn't actually dreadful.Copy !req
497. It was mildly lamentableCopy !req
498. and it was all because
of that loathsome DaiMon.Copy !req
499. Well...Copy !req
500. actually, he wasn't
altogether loathsome.Copy !req
501. He was just
slightly repulsive.Copy !req
502. But he did have
a certain charm...Copy !req
503. in an insufferable
kind of way.Copy !req
504. Of course, he was
totally at the mercyCopy !req
505. of his uncontrollable
passion for meCopy !req
506. which means he wasn't
all bad, now, doesn't it?Copy !req
507. And you know, it wasn't
all passion, no.Copy !req
508. There was some negligible
commercial interest involvedCopy !req
509. but, oh, the passion—Copy !req
510. oh, that was... that
was perfectly realCopy !req
511. and kind of, um, kind
of sweet in a way.Copy !req
512. He was so helpless.Copy !req
513. At first, it was totally
a question of expediencyCopy !req
514. when I made love with him.Copy !req
515. What are you looking at?Copy !req
516. Hmm?Copy !req
517. Hmm?Copy !req
518. Oh.Copy !req
519. Uh, nothing.Copy !req
520. I was just wondering
how many voltsCopy !req
521. are in that exposed circuit.Copy !req
522. Go on. Go on.Copy !req
523. Well... franklyCopy !req
524. by the time one thing
led to another...Copy !req
525. Think of it
as an opportunity, Doctor.Copy !req
526. You never know
when a friendly ambassadorCopy !req
527. is going to be
in the right placeCopy !req
528. at the right time
to help your career.Copy !req
529. Another hour with them
could destroy my career.Copy !req
530. It's a simple job.Copy !req
531. Just keep them happy
and away from me.Copy !req
532. Simple?Copy !req
533. Nothing makes them happy.Copy !req
534. They are dedicated
to being unhappyCopy !req
535. and to spreading that
unhappiness wherever they go.Copy !req
536. They are the Ambassadors
of Unhappy.Copy !req
537. All of us have had
these assignments, Doctor.Copy !req
538. Have you, sir?Copy !req
539. As a matter of factCopy !req
540. Curzon Dax
used to take perverse pleasureCopy !req
541. in assigning me
to take care of VIP guests.Copy !req
542. Oh, so now you take
the same perverse pleasureCopy !req
543. in doing it to me.Copy !req
544. Exactly.Copy !req
545. May I ask, sirCopy !req
546. when you graduated
from this sort of assignment?Copy !req
547. The day I hit
one of the guests.Copy !req
548. Hit one...Copy !req
549. It was a simple
misunderstandingCopy !req
550. over his attempt
to coax a young EnsignCopy !req
551. to his quarters
against her will.Copy !req
552. But...Copy !req
553. don't hit one of them,
Doctor.Copy !req
554. I'm not nearly as understanding
as Curzon was.Copy !req
555. Yes, sir.Copy !req
556. Commander, can I talk to you?Copy !req
557. It's about the computer, sir.Copy !req
558. Still giving you problems?Copy !req
559. No, sir, that's just
the thing, it's not.Copy !req
560. It rerouted the EPS power flow
in less than an hour.Copy !req
561. That's good news.Copy !req
562. How soon can we get Odo
and the Ambassador out?Copy !req
563. We can't.Copy !req
564. It didn't activate
the turbolift circuits.Copy !req
565. Don't ask me why.Copy !req
566. You must have some
idea of what's wrong.Copy !req
567. I want you to listen
to something.Copy !req
568. Computer, analyze Ops
0-2 sensor readings.Copy !req
569. All sensors read
between 14.3 and 14.4 KSC.Copy !req
570. Computer, restart all shield
generator subsystems.Copy !req
571. Shield generator subsystems
set to active status.Copy !req
572. Reading 98.3% efficiency.Copy !req
573. Do you hear it?Copy !req
574. Hear what?Copy !req
575. The voice— it's not
the same attitude.Copy !req
576. It sounds like the computer.Copy !req
577. Sir, when you work
with a computer as much as I doCopy !req
578. you get to know it.Copy !req
579. They're all very different.Copy !req
580. Working with
the Enterprise computerCopy !req
581. was like dancing a waltz.Copy !req
582. With this computer, it's always
been like a wrestling match—Copy !req
583. till we started
downloading the probe.Copy !req
584. You think some kind of
program from the probeCopy !req
585. is influencing our computer?Copy !req
586. Well, it's got to be more
than just a program, sir.Copy !req
587. The computer's whole personality
has changed.Copy !req
588. It's not resisting any commandsCopy !req
589. offering any opinions,
giving any argumentsCopy !req
590. and there's this
one other crazy thingCopy !req
591. I'm almost afraid to mention.Copy !req
592. What's that?Copy !req
593. Every time I leaveCopy !req
594. something happens
to bring me back.Copy !req
595. Bring you back?Copy !req
596. To the computer—
like the failuresCopy !req
597. to the turbolifts
and the transporters.Copy !req
598. A few minutes ago, I was working
at the transporter padCopy !req
599. and the com lines went downCopy !req
600. and when I broke
for a quick bite to eatCopy !req
601. we had a replicator failure.Copy !req
602. It's almost like the computerCopy !req
603. doesn't want me
to leave it alone.Copy !req
604. You almost make it sound
like a child.Copy !req
605. Station Log, supplemental.Copy !req
606. Odo and Ambassador Troi
remain trapped in Turbolift 4.Copy !req
607. As of yet, we have been unable
to ascertain what it isCopy !req
608. that's causing the station's
computer to malfunction.Copy !req
609. What if it's some kind
of nonbiological life-formCopy !req
610. we've never seen before?Copy !req
611. Nonbiological?Copy !req
612. Well, it all comes down
to how we define life-form.Copy !req
613. But just as biological organisms
have evolved in our culturesCopy !req
614. mechanical life could have
done the same in others.Copy !req
615. You're suggesting someone
left a baby at our doorstep.Copy !req
616. Possibly.Copy !req
617. Do you think we can
communicate with it?Copy !req
618. Well, in a way, we already have.Copy !req
619. I mean, it's part and parcel
of our computer now.Copy !req
620. But as far as direct
communication is concernedCopy !req
621. it may not be capable of that.Copy !req
622. We haven't seen any evidence
that this entity is sentient.Copy !req
623. Maybe more like
a stray puppyCopy !req
624. that's attached itself
to you, Chief.Copy !req
625. Whatever it is, it's slowly
disabling our station.Copy !req
626. People, we've got
to get it out of there.Copy !req
627. It came here when we downloaded
the probe's files.Copy !req
628. If we upload those same files
back to the probeCopy !req
629. it might go with them.Copy !req
630. What if it's fully integrated
itself into our computer?Copy !req
631. I don't think
it has.Copy !req
632. That would make it
more like a virus.Copy !req
633. But I don't see any evidence
that it's trying to overwriteCopy !req
634. our control networks
or destroy our systems.Copy !req
635. I think it's more
likely that it simplyCopy !req
636. creates connectionsCopy !req
637. with areas of the computer
that are active.Copy !req
638. Almost as though it
feeds off the energyCopy !req
639. of the computer functions.Copy !req
640. If I'm right, transferring
all of its programmingCopy !req
641. off the station might
just solve our problems.Copy !req
642. How long since we had
any communication from Odo?Copy !req
643. Com lines have been
down over 90 minutes.Copy !req
644. He's been in there
almost four hours now.Copy !req
645. Do you happen to know
the scheduleCopy !req
646. of his regenerative cycle?Copy !req
647. My God, I have no ideaCopy !req
648. but if he doesn't get back
to his pail in time...Copy !req
649. Subspace emitter aligned.Copy !req
650. Outgoing data stream activated.Copy !req
651. Computer, upload
all probe command sequencesCopy !req
652. back to probe's computer.Copy !req
653. Stand by.Copy !req
654. Unable to complete
requested function.Copy !req
655. Please abort and retry.Copy !req
656. Reset subspace emitter.Copy !req
657. Reinitialize data stream.Copy !req
658. Receptors open.Copy !req
659. Control relays activated.Copy !req
660. Upload all probe
command sequencesCopy !req
661. back to probe's computers.Copy !req
662. Stand by.Copy !req
663. It's not as easy as I thought
it would be, Commander.Copy !req
664. Is it just the lights
or the heat, too?Copy !req
665. I didn't bring
any warm clothes.Copy !req
666. I'm sure it's just temporary.Copy !req
667. I've been reading
the reportsCopy !req
668. of your Chief
of Operations, Doctor.Copy !req
669. They gave me the impressionCopy !req
670. that he was
a competent engineer.Copy !req
671. Chief O'Brien?Copy !req
672. One of the best
in Starfleet.Copy !req
673. Then why aren't
the backup systems functioning?Copy !req
674. Well, you knowCopy !req
675. out here on the edge
of the frontierCopy !req
676. it's just one adventure
after another.Copy !req
677. Why don't I escort you all
back to your quarters?Copy !req
678. Where I'm sure we can
all wait this one out.Copy !req
679. But enough about me.Copy !req
680. Hmm?Copy !req
681. Enough about me.Copy !req
682. Tell me about yourself.Copy !req
683. I'm really a private man.Copy !req
684. Yes, of course you are.Copy !req
685. Is that hair real?Copy !req
686. It is real
in that it is me.Copy !req
687. It is not real hair.Copy !req
688. How did you do it?Copy !req
689. Your hair.Copy !req
690. It took a great deal
of practice.Copy !req
691. You studied hairstyles?Copy !req
692. If you must knowCopy !req
693. I imitated the hairstyleCopy !req
694. of the Bajoran man
who was assigned to me.Copy !req
695. Assigned?Copy !req
696. To study me
at the research center.Copy !req
697. He was a scientist.Copy !req
698. You mean that's
how you grew upCopy !req
699. in a laboratory?Copy !req
700. I did not grow upCopy !req
701. as you think of it.Copy !req
702. It was merely a transition
from what I used to beCopy !req
703. to what I learned
to become.Copy !req
704. Oh.Copy !req
705. It sounds very
lonely to me.Copy !req
706. I was always
very self-sufficient.Copy !req
707. I'm sure
you had to be...Copy !req
708. uh, to surviveCopy !req
709. being... being so different
from everyone else.Copy !req
710. Odo to Ops.Copy !req
711. Odo to Ops.Copy !req
712. Com lines are still down.Copy !req
713. I don't know
what's taking so long.Copy !req
714. Are you sure
you're all right?Copy !req
715. You look warm.Copy !req
716. It's nothing.
I'm fine.Copy !req
717. Oh, I can't imagine
how it must have been.Copy !req
718. You know, if it bothers
you to talk about this...Copy !req
719. Not at all.Copy !req
720. What was it like?Copy !req
721. I guess you could say
I was the life of the party.Copy !req
722. I don't think
I understand.Copy !req
723. My way of trying
to fit in...Copy !req
724. I found I could be
entertaining.Copy !req
725. "Odo, be a chair."Copy !req
726. I'm a chair.Copy !req
727. "Odo, be a razorcat."Copy !req
728. I'm a razorcat.Copy !req
729. Life of the party.Copy !req
730. I hate parties.Copy !req
731. Perhaps you've been going
to the wrong ones.Copy !req
732. Come to one of mine, Odo.Copy !req
733. I'll make sure
that all the guestsCopy !req
734. are there to entertain you.Copy !req
735. Now, now, you're not well.Copy !req
736. No, it's fine.Copy !req
737. It's just a...Copy !req
738. I told you I turn
into a liquid every 16 hours.Copy !req
739. Well, I'm in hour 15.Copy !req
740. Ready, Commander.Copy !req
741. How long do you
expect it to take?Copy !req
742. Well, if it worksCopy !req
743. we ought to be able to get
all the probe's filesCopy !req
744. manually transferred
to the six isolinear rodsCopy !req
745. in less than 60 seconds.Copy !req
746. Let's do it.Copy !req
747. Computer, run
a level-1 diagnosticCopy !req
748. of all power systems on board.Copy !req
749. Requested function
will require 43 minutes.Copy !req
750. Stand by.Copy !req
751. ComputerCopy !req
752. give me an analysisCopy !req
753. of all Cardassian traffic
along the border.Copy !req
754. Processing long-range sensors.Copy !req
755. Stand by.Copy !req
756. ComputerCopy !req
757. create a historical data baseCopy !req
758. for all known wormhole activity.Copy !req
759. Indicate time parameters.Copy !req
760. All known occurrences.Copy !req
761. Requested functionCopy !req
762. will require subspace link-up.Copy !req
763. In that case, create a subspace
link with Nehru ColonyCopy !req
764. New France ColonyCopy !req
765. and Corado I
Transmitter Array.Copy !req
766. Attempting link-up.Copy !req
767. Stand by...Copy !req
768. Computer, access musical files
in the Bajor Master Data BanksCopy !req
769. and create a concert program
of Bajoran serenas.Copy !req
770. Stand... by...Copy !req
771. Unable to...Copy !req
772. Stand...Copy !req
773. I'm reading a huge plasma surge
in the Habitat Ring.Copy !req
774. You tell Commander Sisko that
I expect that probe briefingCopy !req
775. to be held on schedule,
lights or no lights.Copy !req
776. I will surely pass
that on, Ambassador.Copy !req
777. We've got a plasma explosionCopy !req
778. in corridor H-12-A,
guest quarters.Copy !req
779. The computer's not responding.Copy !req
780. None of the fire suppression
systems are coming on line.Copy !req
781. I'm reading four life-forms
in that corridor.Copy !req
782. Major, you're with me.Copy !req
783. Chief, get an emergency crew
down there.Copy !req
784. We'll need manual fire gear.Copy !req
785. Aye, sir.Copy !req
786. Phasers at maximum.Copy !req
787. Toranium inlay,
Cardassian design—Copy !req
788. I should have guessed.Copy !req
789. We're going to need a bipolar
torch to get through it.Copy !req
790. Then get a message to Ops.Copy !req
791. Tell them it's going to take us
a while to get inside.Copy !req
792. If they can't get the fire
suppression systems on lineCopy !req
793. we're going to lose
our people in there.Copy !req
794. Aye, sir.Copy !req
795. It's not paying
any attention to me.Copy !req
796. I guess it just
doesn't want to leave—Copy !req
797. like a scared puppy.Copy !req
798. We have no idea how long
that probe was tumblingCopy !req
799. through space—
maybe years—Copy !req
800. with that life-form
alone on board.Copy !req
801. It's sort of like shutting up
a puppy in a room, you know?Copy !req
802. I had a pup once.Copy !req
803. If I had to lock him upCopy !req
804. he'd scratch forever
at the doorCopy !req
805. trying to get out.Copy !req
806. I'm not sure I know
what you're getting at.Copy !req
807. Pups don't like
to be left alone.Copy !req
808. They like attention.Copy !req
809. This one is certainly
getting a lot of it.Copy !req
810. That's right.Copy !req
811. So it's no wonder
it doesn't want to leave.Copy !req
812. Okay, but how is that
going to help us?Copy !req
813. Everything we've
seen suggestsCopy !req
814. that this entity likes to
be where the action is.Copy !req
815. It seems to feed off the energy
of an active computer.Copy !req
816. We've been trying
to separate itCopy !req
817. from what it thrives on.Copy !req
818. We've got to do
the exact opposite.Copy !req
819. The exact opposite?Copy !req
820. Lieutenant, I've got
to build a doghouse.Copy !req
821. Odo to Ops.Copy !req
822. Odo out.Copy !req
823. Odo, turn around.Copy !req
824. I can't.Copy !req
825. It's beginning.Copy !req
826. It's all right.Copy !req
827. You don't understand.Copy !req
828. No one has ever seen me
like this before.Copy !req
829. Not even the scientist
who was assigned to you?Copy !req
830. That was different.Copy !req
831. It was only
research to him.Copy !req
832. But you don't have
to be ashamed with me.Copy !req
833. I'm not ashamed.Copy !req
834. It's a private matter,
that's all.Copy !req
835. How can I make it easier
for you?Copy !req
836. You can't.Copy !req
837. I'm fine.Copy !req
838. What's that?Copy !req
839. My hair.Copy !req
840. No one's ever
seen me like this.Copy !req
841. Why?Copy !req
842. It looks fine.Copy !req
843. It looks ordinary.Copy !req
844. I've never cared
to be ordinary.Copy !req
845. So you see, Odo, even
we non-shape-shiftersCopy !req
846. have to change who we
are once in a while.Copy !req
847. You are not at all
what I expected.Copy !req
848. No one's ever paid me
a greater compliment.Copy !req
849. I... cannot hold my shape
any longer.Copy !req
850. Let go.Copy !req
851. I'll take care of you.Copy !req
852. We're going to needCopy !req
853. portable oxygen
and get anythingCopy !req
854. Bashir has in stock
to treat plasma burns.Copy !req
855. Have a runabout readyCopy !req
856. to evacuate these people
to Bajor if we need to.Copy !req
857. Yes, sir.Copy !req
858. Anara?Copy !req
859. The subprogram
is ready, Chief.Copy !req
860. Computer, analyze subprogram
labeled "Pup."Copy !req
861. Requested subprogram is a series
of bi-directional data transferCopy !req
862. and monitoring commands.Copy !req
863. Reroute all main computer
backup functionsCopy !req
864. through this subprogram.Copy !req
865. All backup functions rerouted.Copy !req
866. Great.Copy !req
867. Okay, computer.Copy !req
868. Now, listen carefully.Copy !req
869. I want to transfer
all probe command sequencesCopy !req
870. out of core memory
and into the subprogram, Pup.Copy !req
871. Stand by.Copy !req
872. Transfer complete.Copy !req
873. Dax to Sisko.Copy !req
874. Fire suppression is responding.Copy !req
875. All systems are back on line.Copy !req
876. Can you get in?Copy !req
877. We're in, Dax.
Stand by.Copy !req
878. We'd better advise
Starfleet Command.Copy !req
879. Are you all right?Copy !req
880. Here, take my hand,
Madam Ambassador.Copy !req
881. Watch your head.Copy !req
882. Please, Julian.Copy !req
883. Call me Taxco.Copy !req
884. Ambassador,
are you all right?Copy !req
885. Yes. Thanks to Julian.Copy !req
886. The Doctor was remarkably
calm and logicalCopy !req
887. for a man of his years
under such severe conditions.Copy !req
888. We'll be putting him in
for a commendation.Copy !req
889. Nice work, Dr. Bashir.Copy !req
890. Just in the right place
at the right time, sir.Copy !req
891. Well, it's about time.Copy !req
892. I... know that wasn't
exactly what you had in mindCopy !req
893. for your picnic.Copy !req
894. When it comes to picnicsCopy !req
895. the only thing
that really mattersCopy !req
896. is the company.Copy !req
897. Your sensitivity and discretion
are appreciated.Copy !req
898. Well...Copy !req
899. next time you see meCopy !req
900. I'll give you a lot
more to appreciate.Copy !req
901. How did you beat that thing
in the computer, Chief?Copy !req
902. I didn't.Copy !req
903. He adopted it.Copy !req
904. Adopted it?Copy !req
905. Well, I was able
to get our friendCopy !req
906. out of the main command pathways
and into a subprogram.Copy !req
907. You're suggesting
we leave it in there?Copy !req
908. I don't see why not.Copy !req
909. It's happy.
It's not bothering us anymore.Copy !req
910. Well, it seems
the humane thing to do.Copy !req
911. It's just another
new life-formCopy !req
912. visiting the station.Copy !req
913. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
914. Make sure it gets
enough attention and all.Copy !req
915. Keep it off the furniture.Copy !req
916. Yes, sir.Copy !req
917. Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT PICTURESCopy !req