SpongeBob SquarePants 3x7

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A health inspector shows up at the Krusty Krab, and while he is there, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs see the news about a guy passing himself off as a health inspector to get free food. Mr. Krabs is so mad he and SpongeBob make a Krabby Patty made with a bunch of nasty things. After it is served to the inspector he chokes on a fly and the two think he died from the patty. They later find out that he was a real health inspector, and that the other one was caught. Now, what will SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs do with the dead health inspector?

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Are you ready, kids?

2. Aye, aye, Captain!

3. I can't hear you.

4. Aye, aye, Captain!

5. Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

6. and NICKELODEON

7. Come on, Mr. Doodles

8. we haven't got all day.

9. We got to down to me favorite restaurant—

10. mine— where we're shooting our first ever

11. Krusty Krab commercial.

12. After this commercial airs

13. we'll be swarming with customers.

14. I can already feel myself sweating money.

15. No, I got Squidward organizing the whole thing.

16. He's, you know... artsy.

17. What the...?

18. This looks expensive.

19. Out of my way. Coming through.

20. Move it or lose it.

21. Squidward!

22. What?

23. What in the toons' name is going on?

24. We're making the commercial, Mr. Krabs.

25. What you're doing is throwing away me money.

26. I told you to rent

27. only what's absolutely necessary.

28. This is all necessary.

29. We'll, what's all this useless junk?

30. That's the useless junk for scene 28.

31. Oh, well, how do you explain that?

32. A second Krusty Krab?

33. Mr. Krabs, everyone needs an understudy.

34. Well, you got me there.

35. But why do we need him?

36. This job gets very stressful, Mr. Krabs.

37. All right, get lost, all of you!

38. You're fired! Go on! Scram! Get out of here, you moochers.

39. That's right, keep moving!

40. Except you. You stay.

41. Well, this is just great.

42. Now we've got no crew to make the commercial.

43. What are you talking about, Squidward?

44. We got the cheapest crew in the world.

45. You, me and Spongebob.

46. Speaking of which, where is that little barnacle?

47. I'm down here, sir.

48. What are you doing, lad?

49. Squidward said I could help by burying myself.

50. Quit fooling

51. and come on out.

52. I need you to be in the commercial.

53. Me? In the Krusty Krab commercial? Me?

54. But-but-but-but-but...

55. Don't throw your buts at me, Mr. Squidward.

56. We got a timetable to keep.

57. This thing airs tonight.

58. Tonight?

59. Tonight?

60. Yep. I got a sweet deal

61. on a prime-time slot.

62. It's almost on, Gary.

63. Yeah, I got butterflies, too.

64. This is the most exciting thing to ever happen

65. in the history of history.

66. Look, Gary, it's on!

67. Oh, Jen, I've got a real problem.

68. What's your problem, Amy?

69. I've got all this money

70. and I don't know what to do with it

71. and I'm hungry.

72. Who's there?

73. Where's that coming from?

74. Yippee! It's Mr. Krabs.

75. That's right, Amy.

76. I heard all about your little problem and I'm here to help.

77. Follow me!

78. Where are we? Where are we?

79. Why, we're at none other than...

80. The Krusty Krab.

81. Did you say

82. Krusty Krab?

83. That's right.

84. Krusty Krab.

85. Home of the world famous...

86. Krabby Patty!

87. What's a Krabby Patty?

88. Why, it's only the most mouth-watering

89. appetizing food in the seven seas.

90. There I am, Gary!

91. There I am!

92. We start with a fresh patty— grilled and juicy.

93. Add some crisp undersea veggies and cheese.

94. Topped off with secret sauce and some buns.

95. Voila!A Krabby Patty.

96. I want a Krabby Patty.

97. Me, too.

98. How are you liking them Krabby Patties, girls?

99. Look, Gary, there I am again. Look!

100. Two more satisfied customers.

101. So, why don't you come on in

102. and have yourself a Krabby Patty today?

103. That was the best 60 seconds of my life.

104. Well, time for bed.

105. Time to go do my favorite thing at my favorite place.

106. Hey, you!

107. Top of the morning, Oldster.

108. Hey, I saw you on TV last night.

109. New Bran Flakes.

110. Bold new taste.

111. Bran Flakes.

112. You did?

113. Yeah, you were on a commercial.

114. You're right.

115. Wow, he recognized me.

116. Yep. See you later, Bran Flakes.

117. What a nice cereal box.

118. Ah... "Weren't you that guy on TV?"

119. "Yes, I am that guy.

120. How kind of you to notice."

121. "Weren't you that guy on the television last night?"

122. "Yes, that was me. I..."

123. Oh, please excuse me, sir.

124. Oh, that's quite all right

125. uh... "Spongebob."

126. Wow. I'm getting recognized all over.

127. Next thing you know

128. people are going to start doing stuff

129. like holding doors open for...

130. Why, sir, I'm flattered.

131. Really? I don't smell anything.

132. You're on your way, kid.

133. Excuse me, sir.

134. Could I get a napkin?

135. Why, of course, dear sir.

136. And next time, feel free to approach me.

137. It must be so degrading to ask from across the room.

138. And who am I making this bad boy out to?

139. To my tail fin.

140. I'll get it myself.

141. F-I-N. There we are, darling.

142. Mmm? Shyness got the best of him.

143. There you are, Spongebob.

144. I need you to...

145. No problem, Squidward.

146. I got one already made out.

147. Enjoy.

148. "To my tail fin."

149. Yes, I am that guy on TV.

150. Hey, look.

151. Please, good people, no photos at work.

152. Here's the ketchup.

153. Well, maybe just one.

154. Another one?

155. Okay. Limbo.

156. And now the— oh, I got it.

157. There you are, Spongebob.

158. Jet pilot.

159. Now I need you to— ow!

160. All right, boy.

161. Get in there and scrub the head

162. and stop acting so predictable.

163. So misunderstood.

164. Alas, good people, even the brightest of stars grow weary.

165. And I am no exception.

166. But I will shine again after a quick break in my quarters.

167. Stay beautiful.

168. Hey, were you able to catch Glandy McPinkfish

169. on Floundermanlast night?

170. No, how was he?

171. Well, I new this guy's acting was good

172. but his singing is phenomenal.

173. I'm tell you, Vender

174. if that guy was to cut a solo record

175. it would be a hit.

176. Solo record.

177. So, if I fire him and make his successor do twice the work...

178. Uh, come in.

179. Oh, it's just you, Spongebob.

180. Those heads better be beautiful.

181. They are, Mr. Krabs, and so is mine.

182. And now I got to lay something on you, Krabs baby.

183. The only thing you better lay

184. is some patties on the grill, fry boy.

185. I can't take that gig, Krabber.

186. That phase of my career is over.

187. I'm an entertainer now.

188. What in blazes are you talking about?

189. Come on, Krabs, let's think outside the box for a second.

190. Commercials are old hat.

191. The people want music.

192. If I could change fate, I would, Krabsie.

193. But I'm an entertainer deep down— a people's person.

194. We're on the same page here, aren't we?

195. Boy, those krabby fumes must have got to your head.

196. Borrow Squidward's gas mask then get right back to work.

197. I knew you'd understand.

198. Well, thanks for the start.

199. I'm out of here.

200. Ooh... I've never felt such a strange combination

201. of pity and indigestion.

202. There he is.

203. Hey, we've been waiting for you.

204. Where have you been?

205. How long are you going to keep us standing here?

206. Well, Spongebob, are you just going to stand there

207. like a half-wit, mouth agape

208. or are you going to fill these people's orders?

209. Pipe down, Squidward.

210. This crowd looks angry.

211. They're not going to wait any longer.

212. I think I better give them what they need and fast.

213. I think so, too

214. or Krabs will fire both of us.

215. On second thought, keep them waiting.

216. No can do, Squidward.

217. These people demand entertainment.

218. Enter what?

219. How you doing, folks?

220. Hungry!

221. That's no problem, ladies and germs

222. 'cause Spongebob is here

223. to satisfy.

224. Hey.

225. Eating here was your idea.

226. I'd like to call this little number "Striped Sweater."

227. We're starving!

228. Squidward, this crowd is insatiable.

229. Then why don't you get back in the kitchen

230. and grab some patties, and give them

231. what they came here for!

232. Juggling! Thanks, Squiddy.

233. Boo!

234. Is this some kind of joke?

235. They want juggling and jokes at the same time?

236. Tough crowd.

237. Oh, now what's he doing?

238. Uh, what do you call a vampire whose car breaks down

239. three miles from a blood bank?

240. A cab.

241. We're losing our appetites!

242. Uh, okay, there's a nun, an astronaut, and a hairdryer.

243. We want patties!

244. Well, the most I can juggle is three.

245. But the show must go on.

246. Whoa!

247. Boo!

248. Boo!

249. My career is over.

250. All those years clawing my way up.

251. All the people I've stepped on, wasted.

252. Hey, finally.

253. That's what we've been waiting for.

254. They seem to like it when I put this patty on the grill.

255. I may be able to save this act yet.

256. Roll with it, Spongebob, roll with it.

257. There's more where that came from, folks.

258. You like that?

259. It's what we wanted all along.

260. It's working, but how do I follow it up?

261. Think on your feet, Spongebob.

262. That's what got you this far. Buns!

263. It's a stretch

264. but we all got to try

265. to push the envelope sometime.

266. Okay, folks, how do you like this?

267. I'm breaking new ground.

268. Time to get edgy.

269. We want onions!

270. Cheese!

271. Ready for the grand finale?

272. Whoopee!

273. Krabby Patties!

274. Well, Spongebob, looks like

275. you finally found your calling.

276. I'll say.

277. I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this.

278. Closing time at The Krusty Krab.

279. 51, 52, 53...

280. 29, 30, 31...

281. One, two, three, one, two, three...

282. Mr. Krabs, can we please go now?

283. Perhaps one of our more loyal workers

284. can enlighten you on company policy.

285. The Krusty Krab Employee Manual Second Revised Edition

286. page 35, section 19, clause 3a states

287. "All staff must remain on the premises

288. until the day's receipts are fully accounted for."

289. But that's not fair.

290. Clause 3b: "The proprietor reserves the right to be unfair."

291. Teacher's pet.

292. Let's see...

293. five, ten, 25, blue, applesauce...

294. Everything looks to be in order.

295. Except...

296. Where is it?

297. Where is it? What?

298. My dime. Me special dime.

299. The first dime I ever made.

300. I always keep it at the back of the register for luck.

301. Well, I've never seen it.

302. Hmm.

303. Are you prepared to say that with your hand on a stack

304. of Interpretive Dance Quarterlies?

305. Of course I...

306. What are you saying?

307. Me? I ain't saying nothing that would matter to anyone

308. who'd be willing to take a lie detector test.

309. You're saying something.

310. Heavens to Betsy, no.

311. It's just that me lucky dime's gone missing

312. and you've been working the register all day.

313. Are you accusing me of something?

314. Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities.

315. One— you stole it.

316. Two— you stole it.

317. Or three— you stole it!

318. I didn't take your precious dime.

319. Show me your tentacles.

320. What? I want to see empty suction cups.

321. Here, here, here. See them?

322. You... you can't do that to me.

323. I'm your boss!

324. Not anymore, Mr. Krabs.

325. I quit.

326. No.

327. I'm out of here.

328. Squidward, you're making a big mistake.

329. Mistake? Ha!

330. The only mistake I ever made

331. was wasting my life at The Krusty Krab.

332. But a visit to The Krusty Krab makes everyone happy.

333. And what could be better than serving up smiles?

334. Being dead or anything else.

335. I never knew you felt so strongly about this.

336. Where have you been?

337. Well, I guess I can't stop you.

338. But, Squidward, it's a cold, cold world out there.

339. No one's going to serve you happiness on a silver platter.

340. Free sample? Cookies!

341. Can I have...?

342. Anyway, I just want you to know

343. if you ever get in trouble, come find me.

344. I'll take care of you.

345. 'Cause you and me?

346. We're like brothers.

347. Only closer.

348. Spongebob, I don't need your help.

349. I am ready to unlock my potential.

350. I can become anything I set my mind to.

351. I could be a football player...

352. or a king...

353. or a spaceman.

354. Or a football playing king in space...

355. with a mustache.

356. Yeah. Uh-huh.

357. You know, that reminds me

358. there's something I've been wanting to say to you

359. since the day we met.

360. Good-bye.

361. Next time you see me

362. this town will be eating out of the palm of my hand.

363. Spare change?

364. Spare change, ma'am?

365. Squidward?

366. Squidward, is that you?

367. Uh, I... uh...

368. It's me, Spongebob.

369. We used to work together.

370. Spongebob?

371. There you go.

372. So where you living these days?

373. Squidward Tentacles? Yes?

374. Sign here please.

375. Uh... nowhere.

376. Great, and what have you been doing with yourself?

377. No, wait, let me guess.

378. I see you've been working on that mustache.

379. The tattered clothes...

380. the awful smell...

381. You're a football player! No.

382. A spaceman.

383. No.

384. A football playing king in space?

385. Don't you get it?

386. I'm a loser!

387. I've lost my job, my home...

388. everything!

389. Even your paintings?

390. Nobody would take them, so I had to eat them.

391. There, there...

392. you can come live with me.

393. Here you go, Squidward.

394. You sleep in my bed.

395. Okay, but just till I get a job.

396. One day, two days tops.

397. Nonsense, you stay as long as you need to.

398. Good night, my little angel.

399. Breakfast is ready.

400. You'll need to build up your strength again

401. so I laid out a big buffet for you.

402. And in bed, too?

403. Oh, thanks, Spongebob.

404. Spongebob, I... Ah, shh, shh, shh.

405. Here comes the plane.

406. It's really nice of you to help me in my time of need.

407. I'll try not to be a burden.

408. It's no trouble.

409. Is there anything else I can do for you... winner?

410. No, no, no, you've already...

411. well...

412. Oh, wow.

413. Nourishing a broken spirit is a lot of work.

414. I'm bushed.

415. Still, it feels nice to do good.

416. Good night, Gary.

417. Spongebob

418. can I get a glass of water?

419. Thank you.

420. Good night.

421. Spongebob, can I get some more blankets?

422. Here you go.

423. Thank you.

424. Spongebob, you forgot to turn out the light.

425. Good night.

426. Gary.

427. Squidward is not a freeloader.

428. And he would never take advantage of me.

429. He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back.

430. I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough.

431. I know he still isn't looking for work!

432. Don't rub it in!

433. Spongebob, where's my lemonade?

434. Coming, Squidward.

435. Spongebob!

436. Spongebob!

437. And why aren't you in uniform?

438. It's about time you got here.

439. Here you go, your majesty.

440. I can't drink that.

441. Why not?

442. Are you blind? Just look at it.

443. What about it?

444. That lemon has three seeds in it.

445. That's an odd number!

446. I can't eat anything odd numbered.

447. Fine, I'll just take it out.

448. No! No!

449. It's already contaminated by the bad lemon.

450. It won't work.

451. Hmm. That's two things in this house that won't work.

452. Then go fix them.

453. Two things that won't work.

454. I've changed my mind. I want soup instead.

455. Okay.

456. Don't move.

457. Here you go.

458. It's alphabet soup. I made it special.

459. Ah! Condensed soup from a can.

460. Disgusting.

461. Now you've ruined my appetite.

462. Go fetch me something to read.

463. Oh, okay.

464. How about this?

465. Get that away from me.

466. You know I'm allergic to newsprint.

467. You know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands

468. it reminded me of something a friend of mine did...

469. at his job!

470. 4:00. Time for my stories.

471. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around.

472. Hey, where you going?

473. To my job.

474. You have a job?

475. Why wouldn't I?

476. I'm not some lazy, inconsiderate jerk

477. who lays in bed all day.

478. Say, where can I get one of these jobs?

479. Oh, they're everywhere.

480. Especially if you're green and have six tentacles.

481. Thanks, I'm going to go look for one so I can stop

482. moochingoff my friends

483. and they can get back to their lives.

484. This isn't my show.

485. Spongebob, the remote control's broken.

486. Get over here and fix it.

487. I've got a better idea.

488. Why don't I call someone whose jobit is to fix it?

489. You know why?

490. Because when I need a jobdone

491. I get someone with a jobto do that job!

492. What are you saying?

493. Donate to the children's fund?

494. Why? What have children ever done for me?

495. You want your dime back?

496. Take it.

497. Now Squidward can come back, right?

498. Wrong. That ain't my first dime.

499. Then have some more dimes. I've got plenty of them.

500. You can't put a price on me first dime.

501. And I can't forgive

502. that thieving bilge rat Squidward for stealing it.

503. Listen you crustaceous cheapskate!

504. Squidward's been living at my house driving me crazy!

505. And you're not going to hire him back

506. all because of a stupid dime?

507. What's that?

508. Me first dime.

509. Oh, dimey! I'll never lose you again.

510. This is a dime?

511. I've been in business a long time, boy.

512. So... if Squidward never stole the dime

513. he can come back to work, right?

514. Aye, lad.

515. Just let the dime and me have our privacy.

516. Eee hoo-hoo!

517. Well, Mr. Squidward, it's good to have you back.

518. Well, it's kind of good to be back, sir.

519. It's all water under the bridge now.

520. I agree, sir.

521. After all, I'm sure you didn't mean to misplace me dime.

522. What? What are you saying?

523. Well, it's obvious that you put the dime in me pants.

524. Dimes just don't fly into people's pants.

525. Are you accusing me of something?

526. Well, the way I see it

527. there are three possibilities.

528. One— you put the dime in me pants.

529. Two— you put the dime in me pants.

530. Or three— you put the dime in me pants!

531. Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

532. and NICKELODEON