1. Are you ready, kids?Copy !req
2. Aye, aye, Captain!Copy !req
3. I can't hear you.Copy !req
4. Aye, aye, Captain!Copy !req
5. [Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONCopy !req
6. and NICKELODEON]Copy !req
7. MRS.
Okay, class, quiet, quiet.Copy !req
8. Now, get out your
pencils and paperCopy !req
9. and write down
the assignment.Copy !req
10. Did you hear that?Copy !req
11. We get an assignment.Copy !req
12. Everyone must write an essay
on what notto doCopy !req
13. at a stoplight.Copy !req
14. Did you hear that?Copy !req
15. What not to do
at a stoplight!Copy !req
16. In no less than 800 words!Copy !req
17. Did you hear that?
800 words?Copy !req
18. Yeah, I know!Copy !req
19. Due tomorrow.Copy !req
20. And remember, class:
work hard and no goofing off.Copy !req
21. Okay, Gary, no goofing off!Copy !req
22. I am about to write
the greatest essayCopy !req
23. of all time.Copy !req
24. Like most great essays,
it will be writtenCopy !req
25. on paper.Copy !req
26. Even more important
than the paper is...Copy !req
27. the pencil.Copy !req
28. A pencil is sharp or as dull
as I like.Copy !req
29. Hmm, funny, as my ideas grow,
you shrink.Copy !req
30. Well, I couldn't have askedCopy !req
31. for a more beautiful day
to write an essay.Copy !req
32. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
33. "What Not To Do
At A Stoplight."Copy !req
34. Hey, this is easy.Copy !req
35. "By SpongeBob Squarepants."Copy !req
36. Ha! This essay is pure gold.Copy !req
37. And now, pencil,
get ready to do your stuffCopy !req
38. because herewe go.Copy !req
39. Gee...Copy !req
40. this is harder than I thought.Copy !req
41. Come on, SpongeBob!Copy !req
42. It should be against the law
to have to write an essayCopy !req
43. on such a super sailorific,
sunshiny day!Copy !req
44. Oh!Copy !req
45. But I must press onward,Copy !req
46. because with this pencil and the
completion of this essay,Copy !req
47. I'll be one step closer
to my driver's license!Copy !req
48. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
49. This'll be no problemo.Copy !req
50. Why, I got plenty of time.
It's only 6:00.Copy !req
51. Okay... okay, here we go.Copy !req
52. Here we go.Copy !req
53. Ahh!Copy !req
54. I know, I just need to getCopy !req
55. a little blood pumpin'
in the old noodle.Copy !req
56. How about some calisthenics?Copy !req
57. Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!Copy !req
58. Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!Copy !req
59. Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!
Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo!Copy !req
60. Ah, I can feel
those juices pumpin' now!Copy !req
61. Hey! What am I doing?Copy !req
62. I got to write that paper!Copy !req
63. Come on, pencil, make words.Copy !req
64. Gary!Copy !req
65. Hey, hey, heyCopy !req
66. Gary, how's my favorite mollusk?Copy !req
67. How about
you let ol' SpongeBobCopy !req
68. fix you up
something to eat?Copy !req
69. What do you mean,
you're not hungry?Copy !req
70. I know I have
an essay to write!Copy !req
71. Now come on, Gary!Copy !req
72. I got to make sure
you get your nutritionCopy !req
73. so I'm not leaving
until you eat every single bite.Copy !req
74. Gary, a-are you sure
you don't wantCopy !req
75. some crème brulée?Copy !req
76. Or-or some chocoflavored
algae bits?Copy !req
77. Gee, Gary sure made a mess.Copy !req
78. I can't work on my essayCopy !req
79. knowing there's a mess
in the kitchen.Copy !req
80. Hmm...Copy !req
81. I might as well clean
the rest of the floorCopy !req
82. while I'm at it.Copy !req
83. I should get
these hard-to-reach places, too.Copy !req
84. And these dishes
need to be cleaned.Copy !req
85. Can't have dirty garbage.Copy !req
86. Well, I think
it's clean enough now.Copy !req
87. Why, that didn't take too long.
It's only...Copy !req
88. 10:00!Copy !req
89. Oh!Copy !req
90. No more fooling around.Copy !req
91. I got to get back to work.Copy !req
92. Okay, Mr. Essay, I sayCopy !req
93. prepare to be written!Copy !req
94. I'm doing it!Copy !req
95. I'm doing it!Copy !req
96. Yeah, yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
97. And some of these...
and some of these...Copy !req
98. Almost there and...Copy !req
99. done.Copy !req
100. Now let's see
how it looks so far.Copy !req
101. "The..."Copy !req
102. Break time!Copy !req
103. Pacing always helps me think.Copy !req
104. Let's see, only 799 words to go.Copy !req
105. Think, SpongeBob, think!Copy !req
106. W-Who's that?
Wha...? Hello?Copy !req
107. Hey, Patrick, what you up to?Copy !req
108. Sleeping.Copy !req
109. That's really fascinating.Copy !req
110. Are you having a good sleep?Copy !req
111. Any dreams you'd like
to discuss?Copy !req
112. I remember on the...Copy !req
113. SpongeBob?Copy !req
114. You and I both know
that you're just using meCopy !req
115. as a distractionCopy !req
116. so you don't have to write
your essay.Copy !req
117. That is nottrue!Copy !req
118. I called to have an engaging
conversation with you.Copy !req
119. Well, I'm listening.Copy !req
120. Uh... Marco...Copy !req
121. Polo.Copy !req
122. Yeah, well,
I got to get going, Patrick.Copy !req
123. Got an important essay to write.Copy !req
124. Sheesh, what a chatterbox.Copy !req
125. Can't he see that I'm busy?Copy !req
126. I can't write
with all these eraser shavingsCopy !req
127. all over my paper.Copy !req
128. Now they're floating
around my thinking space.Copy !req
129. So long, pesky particles.Copy !req
130. I swallowed one!Copy !req
131. I'm choking!Copy !req
132. Water!Copy !req
133. Water!Copy !req
134. That was a close one.Copy !req
135. What do you meanCopy !req
136. overly dramatic,
Gary?Copy !req
137. All that choking
sure made me hungry.Copy !req
138. I can't write on an
empty stomach, Gary.Copy !req
139. I got to have my brain food.Copy !req
140. Now, let's see...
white or rye bread?Copy !req
141. Or pumpernickel?Copy !req
142. Gee, I guess it really depends
on the meat inside...Copy !req
143. and the cheese.Copy !req
144. A visitor?Copy !req
145. For me?Copy !req
146. Hello.Copy !req
147. Package for
Mr. Squarepants.Copy !req
148. Great!Copy !req
149. Thanks!Copy !req
150. So, uh, you like
delivering mail?Copy !req
151. It puts bread on the table.Copy !req
152. Rye or pumpernickel?Copy !req
153. Oh, brother.Copy !req
154. So, do you deliver
your own mailCopy !req
155. or do you have
your own mailperson?Copy !req
156. But then who delivers hismail?Copy !req
157. Is there a never-ending
chain of mailmenCopy !req
158. delivering mail
to other mailmen?Copy !req
159. Well, I guess a P.O. boxCopy !req
160. could, in theory,
break the chain...Copy !req
161. Don't you have
a paper to write?Copy !req
162. How did he know I'm supposed
to be writing an essay?Copy !req
163. In other newsCopy !req
164. local resident
SpongeBob SquarepantsCopy !req
165. only has a few hours left
to complete his essayCopy !req
166. and yet he continues
to goof off.Copy !req
167. When will he learn?Copy !req
168. Hey, SpongeBob.Copy !req
169. Over here.Copy !req
170. Come on, take a seat.Copy !req
171. Put your feet up and relax.Copy !req
172. Oh, no!Copy !req
173. Midnight!Copy !req
174. Must... get... back to desk!Copy !req
175. Whew!Copy !req
176. That was a close call.Copy !req
177. My pants!Copy !req
178. Yoo-hoo.
Down here.Copy !req
179. You get up here!Copy !req
180. I got to get back to work!Copy !req
181. Freedom!Copy !req
182. Stop, pants!Copy !req
183. You get back here
this instant...Copy !req
184. pants!Copy !req
185. Time's... up... SpongeBob.Copy !req
186. Burning!Copy !req
187. Only 799 words to go!Copy !req
188. No!Copy !req
189. What have I done?Copy !req
190. Help!Copy !req
191. Help, my house is on fire!Copy !req
192. SpongeBob, why?Copy !req
193. Why did you set me
on fire, SpongeBob?Copy !req
194. Why didn't you just
write your essay?Copy !req
195. Stop wasting time!Copy !req
196. Where's my essay?Copy !req
197. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
198. I must have dozed off.Copy !req
199. Let's see, where are we?Copy !req
200. Do I dare look at the clock?Copy !req
201. It's almost 9:00!Copy !req
202. Class starts in five minutes!Copy !req
203. How am I going to write
this whole paperCopy !req
204. in five minutes?Copy !req
205. How am I supposed to know
what not to do at a stoplight?Copy !req
206. Feeding your snail
is something not to doCopy !req
207. at a stoplight...Copy !req
208. and making a sandwich
and-and lighting candlesCopy !req
209. and drinking water
and calling your friendsCopy !req
210. and karate chopping the TVCopy !req
211. and shooting the breeze
with the mailmanCopy !req
212. and falling asleep and...Copy !req
213. Mrs. Puff!Copy !req
214. Mrs. Puff, I'm finished!Copy !req
215. All 800 words!Copy !req
216. I'm finished!
Here it is!Copy !req
217. They... Mrs. Puff?Copy !req
218. Where is everybody?Copy !req
219. Oh, there you are,
SpongeBob.Copy !req
220. Here you go,
Mrs. Puff.Copy !req
221. 800 words, all about stoplights
and what not to do at them.Copy !req
222. I'm sorry, SpongeBob,
I tried to call you.Copy !req
223. I have to go
to a teachers' convention.Copy !req
224. But what about
my essay?Copy !req
225. I decided to cancel
the assignment.Copy !req
226. We're just going to take
a field tripCopy !req
227. to a stoplight instead.Copy !req
228. See you next week.Copy !req
229. Whoo!Copy !req
230. Oh, sweep, sweep.Copy !req
231. Need... furniture!Copy !req
232. Patrick, what's
with the home improvement?Copy !req
233. Hey, Patrick!Copy !req
234. Ooh, sweep, sweep!Copy !req
235. Well, Patrick, I came
over to seeCopy !req
236. if you wanted to go
jelly fishingCopy !req
237. but I can see you're busy
having an episode.Copy !req
238. You know something,
Spongebob?Copy !req
239. it's just all fun and games
for you.Copy !req
240. Nothing really matters.Copy !req
241. "Oh, let's go jelly fishing!Copy !req
242. "We don't have any work to do.Copy !req
243. "Life is just a big bowl
of fancy, assorted cashewsCopy !req
244. "and nobody has anything
to dust or to cleanCopy !req
245. or to wipe, or fabricate!"Copy !req
246. But, Patrick, the only thing
I've ever seen you cleanCopy !req
247. is your plate.Copy !req
248. I don't know what to do,
Spongebob.Copy !req
249. You got to help me!Copy !req
250. Patrick, you forgot
how to eat again.Copy !req
251. Come on, we'll
get the funnel.Copy !req
252. No, it's not that,
Spongebob; it's worse.Copy !req
253. Darn, I like
the funnel.Copy !req
254. Well, what is it then?Copy !req
255. Look!Copy !req
256. Hey, a note.Copy !req
257. Yeah, but turn it over.Copy !req
258. There's a letter.Copy !req
259. You're right.Copy !req
260. And I got this message
from my parents.Copy !req
261. Your parents?Copy !req
262. "Dear Patrick,
Your mom and ICopy !req
263. "are coming out tomorrow
for Starfish Day.Copy !req
264. "Please try to remember,
but don't try too hardCopy !req
265. "or you'll hurt yourself
like last time.Copy !req
266. Love, Daddy."Copy !req
267. Spongebob, my parents think
I'm dumberCopy !req
268. than a sack of diapers.Copy !req
269. No, they don't,
Patrick.Copy !req
270. Parents just like
to push your buttons...Copy !req
271. like this— Nee!Copy !req
272. That always cheers me up.Copy !req
273. But not today.Copy !req
274. Patrick, if your parents
think you're dumbCopy !req
275. then they must not know
what dumb really is.Copy !req
276. But don't they watch
television?Copy !req
277. That's what I'm saying, Pat.Copy !req
278. If your parents got to meet
a real dummyCopy !req
279. they'd realize what genius
you really are.Copy !req
280. Oh, but don't genius live
in a lamp?Copy !req
281. And besides, we don't know
any dumb people.Copy !req
282. Don't worry, Patrick.Copy !req
283. I'll be the dummy!Copy !req
284. When your parents see
how dumb I actCopy !req
285. they'll think you're
the smartest guy ever.Copy !req
286. Math is power!Copy !req
287. A, B, C, DCopy !req
288. E, F, G...Copy !req
289. Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...Copy !req
290. Should I get the bullhorn
again, Marty?Copy !req
291. W, X, Y and Z?Copy !req
292. Hi, Mom.Copy !req
293. Hi, Dad.Copy !req
294. Son, you recognized us
this time.Copy !req
295. Why wouldn't I recognize
my own parents?Copy !req
296. You never were a bright one.Copy !req
297. Uh...Copy !req
298. Well, aren't you going
to show us inside?Copy !req
299. He probably forgot
where it is.Copy !req
300. I know where...Copy !req
301. Oh, let me lead the way
so we don't get lost, huh?Copy !req
302. Hold hands now.Copy !req
303. Okay, we're almost there.Copy !req
304. Let go on three.Copy !req
305. One, two, three.Copy !req
306. Good job!Copy !req
307. Pats for Patrick. Pats for Patrick.Copy !req
308. I'll go get the beverages.Copy !req
309. Wow, son!Copy !req
310. You put the drinks insomething
this time.Copy !req
311. Aw, son, you must've been
working all nightCopy !req
312. to put these together
for us.Copy !req
313. We love you.
We love you.Copy !req
314. Hooray, the idiot's here!Copy !req
315. I mean, I'll get it.Copy !req
316. Protective helmet— check.Copy !req
317. I'm supposed
to look stupid, Gary.Copy !req
318. What could go wrong?Copy !req
319. What a surprise.Copy !req
320. Hi.Copy !req
321. Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor,
Spongebob.Copy !req
322. Hi.Copy !req
323. Hello there.Copy !req
324. How do you do?Copy !req
325. Hi.Copy !req
326. Put her there.Copy !req
327. Mama, Mama!Copy !req
328. He means shake.Copy !req
329. No, Spongebob, no!Copy !req
330. Shake hands.Copy !req
331. No, Spongebob.Copy !req
332. Grab my dad's hand.Copy !req
333. Grab it with
only one hand.Copy !req
334. Good boy!Copy !req
335. Now move your
arm up and down.Copy !req
336. So, Spongebob,
do you live nearby?Copy !req
337. Hi.Copy !req
338. No, Spongebob.
Show them your house.Copy !req
339. No, not your blouse,
your house.Copy !req
340. He lives in a fruit?Copy !req
341. That's unhealthy.Copy !req
342. Hey, Spongebob!Copy !req
343. You want to stay
for dinner?Copy !req
344. Does he always do that
after he eats?Copy !req
345. Only on Wednesday.Copy !req
346. Uh, Patrick, I think your friend
might be broken.Copy !req
347. Yeah, and it would take
more than some masking tapeCopy !req
348. to fix that guy.Copy !req
349. Whoa! Is he going to be okay?Copy !req
350. Oh, that's nothing.Copy !req
351. You should see him
in the morningCopy !req
352. prancing around, yelling,
"Harmony! Harmony! Harmony!Copy !req
353. He drives
all the neighbors crazy.Copy !req
354. Why, just the other day
our neighbor Squidward was...Copy !req
355. There's really
no help for him.Copy !req
356. I mean, look at
the way he's dressed.Copy !req
357. Only somebody with holes
drilled in their headCopy !req
358. would wear that stuff.Copy !req
359. And how about this shape?Copy !req
360. I mean, I've heard
of barrel-chestedCopy !req
361. but never box-chested!Copy !req
362. Hey, Spongebob, do you have
any mascara I could borrow?Copy !req
363. The boy wears makeup?Copy !req
364. What a card!Copy !req
365. Hey, Patrick.Copy !req
366. Patrick!Copy !req
367. Aw, he said my name.Copy !req
368. Wow, how'd you train
him to do that?Copy !req
369. Ow! He bit me.Copy !req
370. Patrick,
meet me in the kitchen.Copy !req
371. Oh, I guess the dummy
wants to have a private
conversation.Copy !req
372. A dumb one!Copy !req
373. So, what's on your mind?Copy !req
374. No, wait!Copy !req
375. I already know the answer:
nothing.Copy !req
376. See, that's funny,
'cause you're dumb!Copy !req
377. Patrick, could you let up
on the insultsCopy !req
378. just a little bit?Copy !req
379. Oh, we're those too complicated
for you?Copy !req
380. I'll try dumbingthem down
a bit.Copy !req
381. Patrick, I get the feeling
that you think I really am dumb.Copy !req
382. That's just what I'd expect
you to say.Copy !req
383. Dumb people are always
blissfully unawareCopy !req
384. of how dumb they really are.Copy !req
385. I'm only pretending to be dumb.Copy !req
386. It was our plan, remember?Copy !req
387. Oh, Spongebob, if only
you could seeCopy !req
388. how stupid you sound right nowCopy !req
389. with your talk
of imaginary plans.Copy !req
390. Tell you what, you've caught me
in a good mood.Copy !req
391. I'll humor you.Copy !req
392. Go on. Go out there and act
smart for everyone.Copy !req
393. Okay, I will.Copy !req
394. And-and don't worry;
I'll keep this warm for you.Copy !req
395. I have a confession to make.Copy !req
396. I lied about being stupid.Copy !req
397. I just acted like a foolCopy !req
398. so you would appreciate Patrick
a little bit more.Copy !req
399. I know how to talk and eat
and do laundry—Copy !req
400. I even separate the darks
and the lights.Copy !req
401. So what do you say we start over
and try again.Copy !req
402. Hi. My name is
Spongebob SquarepantsCopy !req
403. and I am not a dummy.Copy !req
404. Amazing. Three minutes
in the kitchenCopy !req
405. and our son has taught him
to talk in complete sentences.Copy !req
406. Oh, good work, son.Copy !req
407. It wasn't easy, Dad.Copy !req
408. B-but-but...Copy !req
409. It looks like it's time
for your next lesson, young man.Copy !req
410. Now listen to me!
I'm not dumb!Copy !req
411. I have a brain.
See, here's a picture of it.Copy !req
412. That must be actual size.Copy !req
413. No! It's normal size
and fully functional.Copy !req
414. Watch.Copy !req
415. Two plus two equals four.Copy !req
416. Oh, son, you taught him math,
too.Copy !req
417. No!Copy !req
418. And you taught him to sing.Copy !req
419. Oh, now he's
short-circuiting.Copy !req
420. You must've taught him
a little too much.Copy !req
421. You know, sonCopy !req
422. I've always known
that when it comes to brightnessCopy !req
423. well, you're about a three-watt.Copy !req
424. But this guy... he's a wet match
in a dark cave.Copy !req
425. He makes
phone operators seem smart.Copy !req
426. But more importantly, sonCopy !req
427. he's shown me what a sharp,
quick-witted boy you've become.Copy !req
428. I-I feel like I'm
really meeting you
for the first time.Copy !req
429. Isn't that right, Janet?Copy !req
430. You bet, Marty.Copy !req
431. Janet?Copy !req
432. Marty?Copy !req
433. Who are you people?Copy !req
434. Marty, I'm scared.Copy !req
435. Excuse me.Copy !req
436. Does this lovely
couple belong to you?Copy !req
437. They've been standing
outside my house sayingCopy !req
438. "Where's Patrick?" all day.Copy !req
439. It's driving me nuts!Copy !req
440. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
441. Wow, son, you actually
recognized us this time.Copy !req
442. And you remembered
to get dressed today.Copy !req
443. Oh, that's right, honey,
we don't have a son.Copy !req
444. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
445. [Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONCopy !req
446. and NICKELODEONCopy !req
447. Captioned by
The Caption Center
Educational Foundation]Copy !req