SpongeBob DocuPants 1x2

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Is it really murder if it's an accident? What if it was no accident at all? Host Kent Shocknek takes us through the disturbing events that brought one crab and one sponge to their darkest places.

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1. A nasty patty.

2. An act of revenge then a classic case of mistaken identity.

3. It was just a normal day in Bikini Bottom

4. as one local health inspector

5. went on a routine visit to the Krusty Krab.

6. Little did he know that in less than an hours time,

7. he would be leaving a crime scene in the trunk of a boat.

8. I'm Kent Shocknek and this is SpongeBob Docupants.

9. The Krusty Krab.

10. A popular eatery in the small city of Bikini Bottom

11. and where owner Eugene Krabs and his employee,

12. SpongeBob SquarePants can be found almost every day.

13. Sure, Eugene was a little money-hungry.

14. But I wouldn't say he was a criminal.

15. And SpongeBob, well, he always seemed like such a nice boy.

16. I didn't think he was capable of...

17. It was shocking.

18. It was day like any other for the Krusty crew

19. until they received a surprise visit

20. from Health Inspector Andy Yellowtail.

21. Andy would often show up at the restaurants unannounced.

22. I think it helped him to see the establishment

23. in its natural element.

24. But, uh, guess that could put staff on edge.

25. Yellowtail was there to do one simple job,

26. taste and grade every item on the Krusty Krab menu.

27. But he didn't count on being served one item

28. that wasn't on the menu...

29. Murder.

30. Hoping to be rid of the Inspector soon,

31. Krabs urged his young employee to serve Yellowtail

32. whatever he asked for.

33. But as SquarePants prepared to make one final Krabby Patty,

34. Krabs overheard a startling television broadcast.

35. It was a public warning,

36. urging the citizens to be on the lookout

37. for a local scam artist.

38. Krabs took more than a passing interest

39. when he learned the nature of the suspect's scams...

40. To pose as a health inspector

41. and get free food from local establishments.

42. You see this kind of thing a lot when food's involved,

43. especially when you're dealing with Krabby Patties.

44. A fisher is down on their luck,

45. starts to think that health inspectors

46. have a good thing going and they start to think,

47. "How can I game the system?"

48. Health inspector impersonation is a serious problem,

49. but ultimately it was a coincidence.

50. This guy had nothing to do with Andy Yellowtail.

51. Krabs never considered coincidence as a possibility.

52. Convinced that he had been conned,

53. he decided to take matters into his own claws.

54. Thinking that somebody had taken advantage of him,

55. thinking of all that free food...

56. Well, that had to get under his exoskeleton.

57. If you ask me, Krabs acted recklessly.

58. Number one, it's not his place to take the law

59. into his own claws, even if it was a scam.

60. And two, if he'd just waited, contact the proper authorities,

61. he would have realized he had the wrong guy.

62. But when a person's angry like that,

63. all reason just goes out the window.

64. As Andy was inspecting the restaurant's beverages,

65. Krabs was convincing his impressionable,

66. young fry cook that they needed to teach this conman a lesson.

67. I do think SpongeBob struggled with it at first.

68. He knew it was wrong.

69. But really, it didn't seem like it took

70. much convincing to get him on board.

71. The pair quietly went to work adding undesirable ingredients

72. to Andy's sandwich,

73. lacing it with seahorse radish, toenail clippings

74. and even dropping it into the restaurant's public toilet.

75. The result was the most diabolical Krabby

76. Patty ever spawned.

77. SpongeBob coined it, "The Nasty Patty."

78. Disgusting.

79. Andy was starting to get restless.

80. Didn't usually take them this long to get his food.

81. In our line of work, we get served first.

82. But that's when SpongeBob showed up to give him the patty.

83. Andy didn't know it at the time but that patty...

84. That was "The Nasty Patty."

85. Krabs and SquarePants retreated to the kitchen

86. where they planned to listen to the ensuing turmoil.

87. But for the second time that day,

88. the television broadcast interrupted their plans.

89. The fake inspector had been captured.

90. BBPD already had the suspect in custody.

91. So Krabs and SquarePants, they knew they screwed up.

92. But I don't think they knew how badly they screwed up.

93. In a desperate attempt to correct their mistake,

94. SquarePants suggested they come clean

95. and explain the situation to Andy,

96. but when they checked on the Inspector

97. they were horrified at what they found.

98. A motionless Andy Yellowtail lying next to "The Nasty Patty."

99. This is an exact transcript of the conversation

100. they had after they discovered Andy.

101. Now, did you want me to do the voices, too?

102. "Cause I can totally do that.

103. Not necessary.

104. All right. 7:31 PM Bikini Bottom time.

105. What are we gonna do?

106. What's this "We" stuff? You gave him the tainted patty.

107. But you told me to do it.

108. Well, you could have talked me out of it.

109. You're right, Mr. Krabs.

110. You're right, Mr. Krabs?

111. Oh, well, that just goes to show you how much influence

112. Eugene had over the kid. It was sick.

113. In the end, he convinced SpongeBob that it was his fault.

114. I don't think he was thinking clearly.

115. I don't think either of them were.

116. As the fry cook began to panic, Krabs regained his composure,

117. hoping that if they acted fast they could cover up the crime.

118. After calming down a frenzied SquarePants,

119. the two hatched a plan to dispose of Andy.

120. There were no witnesses when Krabs and SquarePants

121. arrived at Shallow Grave Road, where they dragged

122. Andy up a muddy hill with a shovel in hand.

123. Krabs kept a lookout as SquarePants

124. began to dig a hole deep enough for the Inspector.

125. But their absence from the Krusty Krab

126. wouldn't go unnoticed.

127. The thing about working at such a popular restaurant

128. was that people knew where to find you.

129. So if you weren't there, people noticed.

130. Around the time SquarePants was burying Andy,

131. two would-be customers arrived at the Krusty Krab,

132. Officer Nancy O'Malley and Officer John

133. Slugfish of the Bikini Bottom Police Department.

134. Finding the restaurant hauntingly empty,

135. the two officers were forced to return to their patrol

136. on empty stomachs.

137. Neither of them were sure what to make of it.

138. I mean, nothing outright tipped them off

139. that there was any foul play,

140. but they were definitely suspicious.

141. I mean, why else would the restaurant be empty like that?

142. The two officers patrolled the area on high alert

143. for anything out of the ordinary,

144. and sure enough,

145. it wasn't long before they happened upon two figures

146. lurking in the dark on the side of Shallow Grave Road.

147. It looked like they had been arguing or something.

148. But as soon as that flashlight came on,

149. they stopped in their tracks.

150. The Sponge was holding a muddy shovel and shaking.

151. But at this point, BBPD was still operating on suspicion

152. so they tried to keep it light, you know,

153. tried to make them feel comfortable.

154. And then Nancy said,

155. "Why don't you put that muddy shovel in the trunk

156. and we'll give you a ride back?"

157. SquarePants and Krabs had no choice

158. but to stow the last piece of evidence

159. linking them to the crime in the trunk of a BBPD police boat.

160. But the shovel would be the least of their worries.

161. As is typical underwater, it started to rain,

162. washing Andy out of his resting place

163. and onto the side of the road.

164. Unnerved, Krabs distracted the officers

165. as SpongeBob jammed the Inspector in the trunk

166. next to the shovel.

167. Sure, they were already underwater.

168. But now, with the rain, too, they were getting extra wet

169. which means they would have been really suspicious

170. if they had refused the ride. So they got in the boat.

171. The Sponge seemed very nervous, the kind of behavior

172. that usually tells you to be on your guard.

173. He was laughing a little too loudly,

174. he would jump whenever anyone addressed him.

175. Just something about the way he was acting

176. was just a little off.

177. When they got to the restaurant,

178. SpongeBob immediately went around back

179. to put Andy in the freezer,

180. but he must not have been thinking clearly

181. "cause they always locked the outside freezer.

182. That was code. If they had left it unlocked,

183. they probably would have failed the inspection

184. before Andy even got served.

185. None of this would have happened.

186. As Krabs kept Officer John and Officer Nancy busy,

187. SpongeBob returned to the scene with Andy's body

188. stowed under his Krusty Krab hat.

189. Look, these are two of the best cops in the ocean.

190. I mean that.

191. But even they couldn't tell that Andy was stuffed into that hat.

192. It was just too good a hiding spot.

193. As SquarePants hid the Inspector in the freezer,

194. Officer John received a call on his two-way radio.

195. We've got two suspicious figures sighted at Shallow Grave Road.

196. What's your 10-20?

197. It was just another piece of the puzzle.

198. They had just come from Shallow Grave Road.

199. They had picked up two pedestrians carrying a shovel

200. and now they were getting a report of two people

201. burying someone at Shallow Grave Road.

202. It was just too much of a coincidence.

203. They still didn't have reasonable cause

204. and they certainly didn't have a warrant,

205. so Nancy did some quick thinking.

206. Officer Nancy requested one thing

207. before leaving the restaurant, a small soda.

208. When Krabs provided it, she insisted it needed ice

209. and offered to get it herself.

210. She was using the ice as an excuse

211. to get to the freezer where Andy was.

212. It was remarkable police work.

213. As Officer Nancy quickly made her way to the freezer,

214. the two culprits desperately tried to stop her.

215. But as she reached the freezer door,

216. the pair's desperation reached its peak.

217. These two had been through a lot together that night.

218. They were bonded by this horrible secret.

219. But when the cops were on the verge of busting them,

220. that's all it took to get them to turn on each other.

221. As soon as it was clear there was no way out of this,

222. these two sang like canaries.

223. Overwhelmed by the sudden confession,

224. Officer Nancy had no choice

225. but to take action and open the freezer door in question.

226. What she saw was something nobody expected.

227. The freezer was completely empty.

228. No shovel, no Andy, nothing.

229. That's what's so strange about it.

230. Andy had just up and vanished.

231. Now, Eugene and SpongeBob knew that,

232. but to the cops, they could never prove

233. Andy was even there in the first place.

234. Before the officers could ask any questions,

235. the kitchen door swung open

236. and in it's frame stood a familiar figure.

237. Health inspector Andy Yellowtail was alive.

238. He was a little worse for the wear.

239. Definitely didn't look his best, but he was okay.

240. At that point, the suspects were definitely afraid.

241. They weren't stupid. They understood the situation.

242. The strongest piece of evidence

243. BBPD would have would be Andy's testimony.

244. Just imagine that moment.

245. The cops are like, "We need some answers."

246. And the criminals are standing there, they know it's over.

247. They were caught. Their freedom hinged on what Andy would say.

248. But what Andy said was not what the police

249. or the suspects had expected.

250. He said nothing about "The Nasty Patty,"

251. the shovel, or being buried alive.

252. Instead, he simply presented the Krusty Krab with a document,

253. passing them for the health inspection.

254. BBPD had no choice but to drop the case.

255. I'll never understand why they let these two off the hook.

256. Oh, metaphorically, of course.

257. SpongeBob and Eugene came really close

258. to becoming convicts that night.

259. I don't think that was lost on them.

260. And they were lucky. I mean, the case was dropped.

261. The alleged victim never confirmed any of it

262. so who knows what really happened.

263. If you ask me, I believe that they're innocent.

264. I mean, why would Yellowtail lie about it?

265. It's tough because there is no doubt in my mind

266. that these two were guilty. But without any way to prove it,

267. there's, there's nothing really that could be done.

268. The case was closed.

269. Think about it.

270. This all started because Krabs thought

271. Andy was running a scam trying to get free food.

272. But one thing no one ever talks about

273. is what the police report said about the freezer.

274. It doesn't just say Andy was missing

275. or the shovel was missing.

276. No, no, no. It says, "Empty." No patties, no buns, nothing.

277. This was a restaurant? Where was all the food?

278. It's never been confirmed what happened

279. to all the food in the freezer

280. because Krabs never reported anything missing.

281. Sure, Krabs was cheap. But, at that point,

282. he would have done anything to stay out of jail.

283. So if this health inspector

284. wasn't running a scheme for free food,

285. there certainly was a lot of food missing

286. from the Krusty Krab.

287. Maybe it was coincidence, or maybe Krabs,

288. this, this penny-pinching business owner

289. who narrowly escaped conviction

290. decided it was in his best interest to,

291. to just turn a blind eye.

292. Although the case may be closed,

293. it leaves more questions than answers.

294. But one thing we do know,

295. on that stormy night in Bikini Bottom,

296. Health Inspector Andy Yellowtail encountered one "Nasty Patty."

297. Disgusting.