Spliced 1x30

Directed by

Adrian Truss as Narrator (voice) • Lawrence Bayne as Mayo Monster (voice)

Entrèe decides to go on a mayonnaise only diet and this results in him bringing a jar of mayonnaise to life.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, yeah? How about this?

2. Entree!

3. I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

4. Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo.

5. Ha! Finally got tired of chasing us, huh?

6. Uh...

7. Uh...

8. What now?

9. I don't know.

10. (Sproinging bounces) Sproing?

11. I kind of thought we'd make more of a "whoo-splat."

12. I was hoping for more of a "ka-blammo."

13. Useless piece of junk.

14. Hey, look what I found.

15. Ah-ha.

16. Cool.

17. Not that. This.

18. Ooh.

19. What?

20. Something's controlling me.

21. Making me... making me move.

22. Oh, I can't fight it.

23. Oh, no.

24. Really?

25. No. You two are idiots.

26. Do I look like a TV?

27. Zap. Zap.

28. Zap, zap, zap.

29. Come on.

30. Guess I'm turning on my TV the old-fashioned way.

31. And it has been erupting

32. on and off the last few hours on Keep Away Island.

33. Boring.

34. Watch out! Oof!

35. Wait a second.

36. It's fun to push the button.

37. Yeah. I never get tired of buttons.

38. Guys, stop!

39. Stop what?

40. Quick, press it again!

41. No. It's my turn. Push the button!

42. She said I could do it. Push the button!

43. No. (Screaming)

44. Uh-oh.

45. The remote control remote-controls the volcano?

46. Okay, one: That is awesome;

47. and two: That is awesome.

48. You bet. Hey.

49. Peri!

50. Oops.

51. Heh. The lava's tricky.

52. Give us the remote...

53. So I can stomp it.

54. Wait.

55. Think about the possibilities.

56. What possibilities?

57. Watch.

58. Lava.

59. Lava, lava, lava, lava, lava.

60. If you say it enough, it kind of doesn't sound like anything.

61. But it can do so much more

62. than just ooze around being hot, melted rock.

63. Wait, you could use the toaster, but that'll take forever.

64. Forever? Mm-hm.

65. But I want toast now.

66. Try lava.

67. It's just that simple.

68. Hairy back?

69. Ow! Not anymore.

70. Drying clothes?

71. Lava can do... Don't you dare.

72. No!

73. Oh, fine.

74. I'm sorry I misjudged you.

75. Ooh.

76. Those possibilities.

77. Uh, I don't know.

78. It seems kind of wasteful to use lava for stuff like that.

79. Patricia, let's not be so hasty.

80. I think using lava around town is a great idea.

81. Yay!

82. You can really get rid of my back hair?

83. Meet me behind my office in five minutes.

84. Oh, yeah.

85. Three, two, one.

86. Launch!

87. Mama.

88. Is there anything lava can't do?

89. I mean, I can't think of anything.

90. Me neither. Who wants to play lava tag?

91. Ooh. I do, I do.

92. I said, who wants to play lava tag?

93. Huh?

94. Dumb remote.

95. I don't think it's the remote.

96. I think we used up all the lava.

97. We can't be out of lava!

98. For the love of a smooth back, we can't!

99. Hey. It's raining white stuff.

100. Actually, that's snow.

101. Compu-Horse can explain.

102. Lava powers everything on our island.

103. The doctor used it to run his lab

104. and conduct unethical experiments.

105. But more importantly, lava keeps our island warm.

106. Without it, we will soon lie frozen under a foot of snow.

107. Take that, global warming.

108. All our plants will die.

109. Take that, Brussels sprouts.

110. And the survivors will be enslaved by cruel yeti.

111. Take that... us.

112. You're kidding, right, Compu-Horse?

113. Compu-Horse does not kid.

114. This is all our fault.

115. We never should have used all that lava.

116. They found our scent!

117. Ah!

118. Hey, guys, look what I found.

119. "For 24-hour service,

120. call Doug's Volcano Repair at 1-800-MAGMA?"

121. I'm on it.

122. Figures. No signal.

123. Ahem. Yeah, hi, Doug?

124. Hey, uh, we've got a volcano that needs servicing.

125. Keep Away Island. Yeah, okay.

126. Okay, thanks. Bye.

127. (Grunting) He'll be right over.

128. Uh, I think I'm on hold.

129. Uh, Doug?

130. That's me. What's the problem?

131. You got a leaky caldera or- Whoa! Whoa!

132. What happened to all the lava?

133. We kind of used it all up.

134. You kidding me?

135. There was like 200 years' worth of premium grade-A lava here.

136. What could you possibly do with that much lava?

137. Is there anything you can't do with lava?

138. We were dumb. We were drunk with power.

139. We had hairy backs.

140. We're sorry.

141. So, Doug, how about hooking us up with some fresh lava, huh?

142. What?

143. You want me to just make everything perfect again?

144. It ain't easy. You wasted all your lava,

145. and there's only one way to get it back.

146. And that is?

147. A living sacrifice.

148. I know, I know,

149. it's old-fashioned,

150. but that's how I roll.

151. Who's it going to be? I'm guessing you, right?

152. Get a hundred years' worth of lava out of you.

153. I'll do it. I found the remote, so it's kind of my fault.

154. Wait,

155. what's a sacrifice again?

156. Oh. I understand now.

157. Get me off! Get me off! Get me off!

158. Peri!

159. Get me off!

160. Look. I found the remote.

161. Oh-ho. Oh, how I missed you.

162. Mwah.

163. At least I'll save all you guys from those yetis.

164. Did you say yetis?

165. Ah!

166. This one's on the house.

167. Yetis ate my father.

168. Hey, yetis!

169. Remember me?

170. Doug?

171. Let them have it.

172. Entree. What?

173. (Sizzling)

174. look after your lava and your lava will look after you.

175. Don't worry, Doug.

176. We'll take good care of our lava from now on.

177. Promise. You better.

178. Because next time, I won't be such a nice guy.

179. Unless there's yetis.

180. Mm, mm, mm, mm.

181. Entree, that's disgusting.

182. Mayo's not a meal on its own.

183. You do know that, right?

184. I don't know anything.

185. Right, Peri?

186. Well, if loving mayo is a crime,

187. you'd sure be guilty

188. of that crime.

189. Mayo's not a meal on its own.

190. But it could be.

191. No, it should be.

192. I'm going to eat nothing but mayonnaise.

193. I am now a mayo-tarian.

194. Uh, Entree...

195. Mayonnaise!

196. Hm, a 2-year-old French egg

197. or a non-vintage blend?

198. Like I care.

199. Ooh, you're just in time.

200. I was about to open a '62 Bordeaux.

201. You should eat real food.

202. Why? What does food have

203. that mayo doesn't?

204. It has vitamins. And taste.

205. Oh, I see.

206. You two are trying to come between us.

207. Well, it's not gonna happen.

208. Not even for a delicious sandwich?

209. I've already got one of those.

210. This is so good.

211. Don't you wish you had one?

212. Not when I have mayo-sicles.

213. Want one? Sure.

214. No.

215. Oh, this is not over.

216. It is not over.

217. Top of the mayo to you, Joe.

218. Stop talking nonsense.

219. Wait. You look... amazing.

220. I feel amazing.

221. No, I feel better than amazing.

222. I'm mayo-riffic.

223. How...? How...?

224. I don't... I, uh...

225. (Mutants cheering) Ah-ha.

226. You are the greatest guy.

227. I owe it all to your friend and mine:

228. mayonnaise.

229. Maybe there's something to mayonnaise after all.

230. But there can't... How?

231. Mm. (All slurping)

232. Hey, Patricia.

233. Everyone's a mayo-tarian now.

234. Isn't it great?

235. Yeah. Totally. Go mayonnaise.

236. Aw, I think someone needs a mayo cookie.

237. I'm allergic, okay?

238. To cookies? No, not cookies.

239. Mayonnaise.

240. I get hives and then...

241. seriously, you don't want to know. It's really gross.

242. It's messy. That's horrible.

243. How are you ever going to do this?

244. Or this.

245. Yeah, uh, not so much a concern for me.

246. Or this? Um, Entree?

247. Are you even listening?

248. Or this. Entree?

249. Or this. Or this. Or this.

250. Mayo, mayo, mayo, mayo...

251. Mayo, mayo, mayo, mayo...

252. Mm.

253. Yes. I understand.

254. It's all clear to me now.

255. Entree? You must help me, Peri.

256. I've had a vision.

257. A mayo vision.

258. But it's 3:00...

259. Okay, okay!

260. Mayonnaise.

261. I must make the tastiest, creamiest,

262. most delicious mayo ever.

263. That's great, Entree. Really.

264. Ow. Stop.

265. Huh? It's not ready.

266. I... I live!

267. You. You've eaten my kind.

268. I can smell it.

269. Let's see how you like being in a jar.

270. What? Me? No. I was just helping out...

271. Oh!

272. Entree, help!

273. Peri!

274. You.

275. Help!

276. Ow. Give me a minute.

277. I landed on my funny bone.

278. Ooh, man, I hate that.

279. Uh, massage it a little.

280. Do you want some ice?

281. Ow, uh, that really helps.

282. I know, right?

283. I loved you.

284. I made you.

285. Why'd you betray me?

286. Do you have any idea what it's like to be a condiment? Do you?

287. Have you ever watched helplessly

288. while your loved ones were spread and devoured?

289. Or felt the cold chill of being squirted

290. out of your home onto some barren sandwich?

291. So now it's my turn.

292. Mayo's turn.

293. How'd you like your best friend?

294. On a hot dog bun? Huh?

295. Would you like a Peri dog?

296. Entree, no!

297. Peri!

298. I'm sorry.

299. Peri!

300. So delicious.

301. Why do you taste so good?

302. Oh, wow. I didn't actually expect you to eat him.

303. It was just for shock value.

304. Okay, you can stop that.

305. You shouldn't... (Munching)

306. Stop eat... Stop eating your friend!

307. Stop it. (Crying)

308. Peri. You're all gone.

309. Wait, there's more of you in the jar.

310. (Sobbing) Enough!

311. Would you stop? He's gone. So delicious...

312. And before you ask, no, I don't have any more.

313. Are you gonna put me in a jar now?

314. A jar? Oh, no.

315. You deserve something special.

316. Get in.

317. Help!

318. Mayo monster!

319. Entree?

320. What's going on?

321. The mayo's alive.

322. Alive!

323. Entree, stop with the crazy, okay?

324. No. Look.

325. Did you do this?

326. Definitely not. No. Maybe.

327. A little. Yes. It was totally me.

328. Busted.

329. There's only one way to fight a mayo monster.

330. A mustard beast?

331. A relish... beast?

332. No.

333. A BLT.

334. Patricia, are these big enough?

335. Okay, we got the L, we've got the T,

336. but we're still missing the most important part.

337. Patricia, I'll be your bread.

338. The B stands for bacon.

339. That too.

340. Hey, there, tall, white and creamy.

341. BLT sandwich.

342. Needs mayo.

343. Ha-ha. Look. He can't fight his instincts.

344. Oh, man.

345. Ah!

346. Uh-oh.

347. Your time is over, mammal.

348. It's the age of mayonnaise now.

349. Come on. (Grunting)

350. No!

351. I've let my love for mayonnaise

352. destroy everything I ever cared about.

353. Go on, you monster.

354. Do it.

355. I don't even care anymore.

356. Stop that. Really.

357. Mm.

358. Hey, let go. I'm serious.

359. I saw what you did to your friend.

360. Wait. What...? What are you doing?

361. The only thing I'm good at.

362. No!

363. Stop!

364. I did it.

365. I did it.

366. I did it.

367. Entree. Wake up.

368. Peri? But I... I ate you.

369. And Patricia, you were in a jar.

370. And I... I was super fit.

371. No, you're super gross.

372. But, but...

373. watch me dunk.

374. What did I tell you about overdoing it with the mayo?

375. You know it makes you hallucinate.

376. Wow. No more mayo for me.

377. Oh, maybe one last jar. For old time's sake.

378. Entree! No!

379. No!

380. Albert? Are you okay, honey?

381. You wouldn't believe the nightmare I just had.

382. Oh, great.

383. I'm taking a shower.

384. In sand.

385. I wish I could squash those two.

386. Squash them like bugs.

387. Take that, you annoying fools.

388. Squish! Ha-ha!

389. "Oh, no. If only we had tougher heads."

390. "Well, you don't."

391. Ha-ha.

392. Oh, my word! Ow!