1. Spider-Man.
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2. Spider-Man.
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3. Stop right on your teeth, old man.
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4. Yeah, just hand over the wallet
and the old lady's ring.
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5. Now, that had a nice ring to it.
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6. It's Spider-Man, the criminal!
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7. Correction, dear.
It's Spider-Man, our hero.
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8. And we must thank him.
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9. Thank you, ma'am.
I've got an aunt just like you,
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10. and I'm late to see her.
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11. Bye.
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12. - Peter?
- What's up, Aunt May?
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13. I'm afraid
we're in trouble, Peter.
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14. Oh, the monthly bills.
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15. We're running out of money.
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16. You really had me worried.
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17. Why don't you let me mellow out with
the tube for a few minutes?
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18. I'll look 'em over.
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19. And those are just
a few of the incredible,
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20. amazing feats you'll see on Beyond Belief.
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21. By the way, folks, if you have a stunt
that's beyond belief,
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22. - you can win $50,000...
- Hmm.
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23. These bills are beyond belief,
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24. and I haven't got a chance of paying them.
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25. Oh, Peter, if I had a stunt,
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26. I'd just go on that show
and help you with my bills.
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27. Aunt May, they're our bills,
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28. and I'll take care of them,
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29. somehow.
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30. Spidey could go on that show
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31. and knock their socks off.
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32. If only it weren't so tacky.
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33. We interrupt Beyond Belief
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34. for this important
local news announcement.
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35. Here is J. Jonah Jameson,
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36. president of the Jameson Network,
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37. at his sumptuous
Northport Long Island estate.
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38. J. Jonah Jameson here.
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39. I am holding a threatening note
sent to my newspaper.
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40. "Dear New York, tonight,
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41. the Klopman Diamond and the Zenbud Urn
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42. will be stolen.
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43. Signed, the Triangle of Evil."
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44. The day has apparently come when criminals
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45. announce their theft
before committing 'em.
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46. But our city will not be threatened.
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47. This is to warn the criminals that...
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48. Aunt May, I'll just take
these bills to my room
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49. and sort them out.
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50. Oh, dear.
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51. All right, Petey.
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52. I have to save the Klopman Diamond,
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53. and I can't even pay my own bills.
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54. Isn't that a gem?
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55. You don't want diamonds.
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56. They're so bright.
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57. We'll squint.
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58. Not tonight, gentlemen.
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59. Hey, Spider-Man!
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60. Come on! Let's split!
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61. I believe this is yours, sir.
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62. No need for thanks.
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63. Thanks? Look at this mess.
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64. Let's see. Let's see.
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65. For the window and the two display cases,
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66. that's $15,000.
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67. Ah, I forgot to include
our new silent alarm system.
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68. A bill? But... but...
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69. We'll talk about this later.
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70. I've got a date with a Zenbud Urn.
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71. What's a Zenbud Urn?
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72. Oh, about $5 a day.
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73. Sorry.
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74. Thank you, Mr. Klopman.
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75. Your diamond is safe now.
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76. Thank you, uh, Mr...
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77. "The Stuntman" will do.
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78. Better get your window fixed.
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79. I, uh... I'd be glad
to put it on a credit card,
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80. if you gentlemen prefer.
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81. Everybody's a comedian.
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82. Come on, Moe. Let's get outta here.
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83. [Spider-Man] Great. No windows to break.
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84. Guess again, web head.
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85. You again? Why don't we all form a club?
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86. Uh,
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87. we already got one.
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88. Here, catch.
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89. Till we meet again, insect brain.
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90. Hey, what about me?
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91. Ah. Thanks, Mr. Spider.
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92. - Spider-Man.
- Whatever.
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93. Uh, does your mother know
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94. you go around dressed like that?
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95. If you don't tell, I won't tell.
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96. All right. Then here's the bill
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97. for the stuff you broke.
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98. $31,000?
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99. I can't afford this.
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100. Now your urn is safe.
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101. I hope so, Mr., uh...
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102. Stuntman.
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103. These bills come to almost $50,000.
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104. And I thought I had money trouble earlier.
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105. If you have a stunt beyond belief,
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106. you can win $50,000.
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107. Yes, folks, $50,000 to the contestant...
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108. I'll do it.
Spidey will get us all out of debt.
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109. Yes, this is
Beyond Belief Productions. Can I help you?
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110. Just tell Mr. Schlocker
the Stuntman is here.
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111. Two tanks in a head-on collision.
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112. - Fantastic, eh?
- Ah, it's been done to death.
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113. I need the stunt of the century, or,
between us, we're through.
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114. - What is it?
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115. A Mr. Stuntman is here.
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116. Unless he's got
a blockbuster stunt, get rid of him!
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117. - How's this for a blockbuster?
- Hey!
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118. I'm offering you
the challenge of a century,
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119. Spider-Man versus me.
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120. Here, have him sign this.
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121. I guarantee he'll be here anytime now.
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122. Why, you're Jack Riven,
the world's greatest stuntman.
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123. Whatever happened to you?
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124. I was playing
the mechanical monster in a movie.
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125. Spider-Man caught me
robbing the studio safe.
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126. I was about to escape when
a bolt of lightning struck.
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127. It fused the robot outfit to my body.
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128. I became the monster
half man, half machine
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129. you see before you now.
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130. I want Spider-Man to pay.
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131. So what's with
the Spider-Man challenge bit?
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132. Watch. I'll give you a free sample.
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133. - That's just for openers.
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134. Then I start getting rough.
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135. You just sign Spider-Man.
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136. I'll take care of the rest.
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137. Anything you say, Stuntman. You're on.
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138. [Spider-Man] Good. No window.
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139. Oh, no! Not again!
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140. I'm here for the $50,000.
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141. Sign right here, my boy.
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142. Now can I have my 50,000?
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143. Sure. Right after the show.
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144. Oh, and, uh, don't worry about the window.
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145. We'll take it out of your pay.
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146. Just be at the Palisades Cliffs
at 10:00 tomorrow morning.
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147. That's, uh, New Jersey.
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148. No! I thought the Palisades
were in Philadelphia.
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149. Don't worry. I'll be there.
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150. Tomorrow, you'll wish
you were in Philadelphia.
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151. It's 10:00, Frazier.
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152. Now, where's Spider-Man?
Time to roll tape.
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153. Okay. What do you guys want,
a couple of my best stunts?
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154. Not quite, Spider-Man.
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155. Next time, read the small print
in the contract.
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156. Roll tape!
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157. - Welcome to Beyond Belief.
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158. On today's show,
a three-stunt challenge of the century
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159. between the amazing Spider-Man
and the Stuntman.
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160. It's Jack Riven, my old enemy.
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161. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
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162. Neither would we.
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163. Stunt number one,
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164. scaling the cliffs
of the Jersey Palisades.
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165. First man to the top wins.
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166. - And there they go, folks.
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167. Should've climbed a cable, kid.
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168. Can't trust that gooey webbing.
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169. My webbing, it's giving out.
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170. Okay, hold it right there, fellas.
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171. Time for a commercial.
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172. Now, this is what I call
a real cliff-hanger.
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173. What's the matter, kid?
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174. You losing your grip?
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175. Luckily, I'm not just a web-swinger,
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176. I'm also a wall-crawler.
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177. Too much heavy metal,
lead-bottom?
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178. See you at the top.
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179. Some people never learn.
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180. [Spider-Man] It's a long way down.
Gotta grab something.
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181. And the first stunt
is won by the Stuntman.
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182. - Spider-Man, are you okay to go on?
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183. Yeah. Luckily,
I broke the fall with my body.
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184. - In a few moments,
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185. we'll take you to the World Trade Center
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186. for stunt number two.
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187. Stay tuned.
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188. Got it.
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189. Take off.
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190. Welcome back to Beyond Belief.
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191. Our contestants are now
halfway up stunt number two,
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192. each climbing one of the Twin Towers.
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193. They'll pass each other here
on the tightwire.
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194. First one down the other side wins.
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195. Moe, Larry, quick,
finish that dusting job.
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196. Klopman Diamond is secure, boss.
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197. Instigation of Operation Lubrication.
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198. Okay, boss.
We're off to the Zenbud Urn.
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199. Hey, Larry, what's a Zenbud Urn?
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200. Will you stop?
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201. [Spider-Man] Coming through, fellas.
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202. - Hey, Spidey, good luck!
- Speak for yourself.
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203. I got a ten-spot riding on Stuntman.
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204. No. Slippery oil dust.
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205. I can't hold on.
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206. Good. That oil dust's working.
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207. Spider-Man's finished.
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208. Quick, wash that stuff off with your hose.
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209. Gotcha, Spidey.
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210. How can he do that?
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211. You can't keep a good man down,
bolt-bottom.
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212. Say "uncle," meatball.
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213. Okay. Uncle!
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214. Okay, folks.
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215. Watch how your friendly
neighborhood Spider-Man does it.
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216. And Spider-Man beats him to the bottom,
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217. winning stunt number two.
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218. - Even my blisters have blisters.
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219. Okay, over to
the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge.
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220. Let's go.
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221. My last stunt.
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222. My webbing's almost gone.
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223. Moe, Larry, come in.
Progress report.
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224. Objective number two secured, Stuntman.
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225. Triangle of Evil on the move
toward our third and biggest.
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226. Oh, boy. I am one tired fella.
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227. Gotta figure a way
to slow this thing down.
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228. Two bold thugs,
part of the Triangle of Evil,
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229. fulfilled their promise today
and stole the Klopman Diamond
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230. and the priceless Zenbud Urn.
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231. Notes at both places
promise a third theft.
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232. Nobody's gonna beat me three times.
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233. Let's see. First Klopman, then Abdaloni.
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234. Oh, my gosh!
J. Jonah Jameson's place is next.
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235. That's it. The Stuntman set me up.
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236. He's keeping me busy here
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237. while his goons rip off the loot.
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238. - It's tape time, Spidey.
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239. - You're due out on the bridge.
- Right with you.
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240. I'm low on webbing.
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241. With all I've gotta do,
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242. I'm gonna need a refill cartridge.
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243. Oh, hi, Spidey.
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244. Say, how do you do that webbing stuff?
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245. Easy. I'll show you.
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246. I just push this button on my wrist...
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247. Okay, stand by to roll tape.
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248. Sorry, G.S. Uh, it looks like Spidey
gummed up the works.
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249. Hmm. Somebody switched my web cartridge.
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250. If I'd used this, bye-bye, Spidey.
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251. I'm gonna take this
out of your pay, Spider-Man.
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252. All right, everybody. Half-hour break.
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253. [Spider-Man] There's Jameson's estate.
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254. And time's running out.
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255. Third one accomplished, boss.
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256. Okay, Larry, up, up, and away!
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257. It can't be!
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258. [Spider-Man] But it is.
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259. Thank goodness there's no glass
to break around here.
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260. You're under arrest,
Triangle of Evil.
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261. Look, Officer, those characters there
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262. are two points of the Triangle.
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263. Get me to the Beyond Belief location,
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264. and I'll get you the third member.
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265. Okay, Schlocker,
Spider-Man's a no-show.
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266. I win by default, right?
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267. There they are.
Pull right up to the Stuntman.
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268. Ready when you are, Stuntman.
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269. All right. First one
across the bridge wins.
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270. Don't forget, this is the final stunt.
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271. Winner take all!
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272. Huh? "Winner take all"?
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273. That's not what I... Hey!
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274. I hope Peter Parker's camera
can get a few bonus bucks
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275. out of those action shots.
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276. Uh-oh. Stuntman's moving out.
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277. This oughta stop him.
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278. What the...
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279. I thought dirty tricks were my department.
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280. Ugh! New York traffic.
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281. Going down.
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282. He's got to come up
to cross the finish line.
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283. That's really dirty. Tar!
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284. See you at the dry cleaner's, loser.
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285. What now, Spidey boy?
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286. Just about all out of webbing.
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287. A crane with a magnet.
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288. It's worth one last try.
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289. Stuntman's at least half metal.
This should work.
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290. It's all over but the shouting.
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291. Ah! Hey!
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292. I think I'll give him a big finish
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293. with the last of my webbing.
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294. Did you see that? That web head won!
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295. But look at him. Tarred and feathered.
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296. I'd pay any price
for a picture of that.
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297. You got it, guys? Have you got it?
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298. Irv, did you catch it all?
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299. No problem, G.S.
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300. Uh-oh. Uh, maybe just one little one.
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301. The tape... There's nothing on the tape!
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302. I'm ruined!
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303. Well, that's showbiz, G.S.
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304. My money, please, Mr. Schlocker.
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305. Get outta here! No show, no money!
Read your contract!
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306. Now that really is showbiz.
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307. This is the most degrading shot
of Spidey ever taken.
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308. This picture would destroy
what's left of his image.
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309. No amount of money could change my mind.
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310. Here are the pictures
I got of the big finish, J.J.
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311. Uh, and I need the money.
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312. Hmm. Not bad, kid. Not good, either.
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313. I'll pay the usual. Take it or leave it.
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314. But I'd pay 10, no, 20 times that
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315. for a shot of Spider-Man
tarred and feathered.
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316. Uh, J. J., almost forgot.
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317. Here's one more.
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318. Say, now, that's more like it!
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319. Yes! That's real front-page stuff!
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320. Oh, Peter, I'm so glad
you were able to pay our bills.
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321. Did you see this?
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322. That terrible Spider-Man
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323. got his comeuppance.
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324. Look. Look!
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325. I've seen it, Aunt May. I've seen it.
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326. Oh, boy, have I seen it.
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