1. This programme
contains strong language.
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2. Oh, what?
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3. You know what!
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4. I do not know what!
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5. Take a wild guess.
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6. Is it cos I sang the music
from the Kiaora advert?
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7. "It's too orangey for crows..."
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8. You think this is funny?
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9. No.
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10. Cos in three minutes you will not...
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11. be laughing.
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12. If you think I'm going to stand by
and let you beat up my friend,
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13. you've got another thing coming.
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14. Oh... We're going beat you up too.
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15. (OK.)
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16. What do you think we should do?
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17. Let 'em have it.
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18. Potato -
people peel it, people cube it.
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19. I jutht put it down - bang -
two halfth, in the pan.
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20. It'th a bit thimple, a bit thexy.
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21. Mike, how sexy am I?
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22. Oh, very.
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23. Daisy?
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24. Have it in a thauthage thandwich...
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25. Daisy.
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26. How sexy am I?
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27. Very.
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28. You look good. You look really...
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29. You look nice...
cos you don't want to look like
you've made too much of an effort.
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30. I'll change my shirt.
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31. This will be one of the great
chicken stews - you know why?
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32. Because of this -
or-eg-ano - or oregano to you.
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33. 'I got it from a wise old herb
merchant on one of my many travels.'
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34. This... is the good shit.
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35. Whoo, Momma!
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36. Hello.
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37. Is that Daisy?
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38. Yep.
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39. "Hi, it's Sophie."
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40. Oh, hi.
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41. Tim's told me all about you.
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42. Has he? What did he say?
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43. You know, the usual.
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44. What sort of thing? Specifically.
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45. Well, that...
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46. you're friends, you share a flat,
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47. and your name's Daisy.
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48. Oh, right.
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49. Is Tim there?
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50. Oh, yes, yeah. Just getting dressed.
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51. It's Sophie.
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52. Hello.
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53. Hey, how are you?
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54. Good. I had a nice time last night.
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55. "Me too. What are you up to?"
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56. You know, making myself beautiful.
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57. I can't come out tonight,
Jamie's got me working late.
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58. Oh, really.
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59. There's a misprint on a new issue.
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60. Which one?
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61. Total Cult.
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62. Well, OK. Fine.
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63. We can do it another night.
We can do it next week.
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64. How do you mean "do it"?
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65. You'll find out next week.
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66. OK.
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67. Bye, Bisley.
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68. Bye.
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69. SHE'S SLEEPING WITH HER BOSS!
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70. You what?
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71. This is how it starts. Excuses.
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72. "Oh, I've gotta work late."
"I've got a presentation."
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73. "Sorry, I can't come round tonight,
I've had ever such a long day."
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74. It's me and Sarah,
it's Milly and Egg, it's textbook.
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75. Ow! What did you do that for?
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76. You said if you ever suffer paranoia
because of your break-up with Sarah
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77. I was to slap you round the face.
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78. I did say that, thank you very much.
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79. TV: "Resident Evil."
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80. We could go out.
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81. What? You and me?
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82. Yeah.
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83. What about your stew?
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84. It's finished, just gotta simmer.
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85. I dunno, Daisy.
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86. Come on, it'll be fun.
What else are you gonna do?
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87. OK then.
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88. Great.
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89. Who is it?
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90. Brian.
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91. Do you wanna come in?
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92. I thought you were going out.
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93. Twist's in a... mood.
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94. Surprise, an unreliable girlfriend(!)
What's the matter with her?
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95. Dunno. Didn't specify.
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96. That's right. You've gotta guess.
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97. It must be strange being a woman.
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98. All that power.
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99. What?
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100. They are the true creators,
aren't they?
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101. All men do is destroy things.
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102. Yeah.
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103. They're the true children of nature,
Gaia's foot soldiers.
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104. They look like us.
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105. Speak for yourself.
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106. Two arms, two legs,
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107. Two faces.
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108. There's more to it.
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109. If women spend time together,
their menstrual cycles synchronise.
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110. Men have that too.
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111. Mike.
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112. Men have got an unspoken telepathy.
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113. A connection between male psyches.
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114. Whether they know each other or not,
put a group together, it's the same.
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115. What do you mean?
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116. Should we show him?
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117. I am not in the mood.
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118. Oh, shit!
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119. Bang! Bang!
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120. You ready?
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121. Have you got manoeuveres?
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122. Reconnaissance.
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123. Are there gonna be tanks?
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124. I've learnt my lesson.
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125. I'm not gonna steal another tank.
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126. What time are you going?
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127. 2100 hours.
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128. That's nine o'clock.
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129. Would you take Colin for a walk
about eight?
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130. What?
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131. That's 2000 hours.
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132. Oh, yeah.
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133. TV: LAUGHTER
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134. That's never happened to me before.
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135. Minicab?
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136. No, thanks.
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137. Take this, you won't get searched.
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138. Why?
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139. You look like a primary teacher.
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140. That's enough of that.
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141. Sorry, miss. What's the plan?
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142. 'Get the tube into Soho,
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143. go for drinks in a fashionable gay
West End gay bar before catching
a play by a hip playwright.'
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144. 'Then we go to a coffee house
and discuss the play
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145. before retiring to a jazz bar
to talk about life till it's time
to catch the last tube.'
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146. What do you think?
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147. I think I'm going home.
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148. Well, what do you wanna do then?
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149. 'We get the tube into Camden
and head for the nearest bar.'
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150. 'We smoke a spliff
so we're monkeyed when we get there.'
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151. 'We stay there for a while
and end up laughing like twats.'
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152. 'We then relocate to a low-level pub
and drink until we...
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153. a) fall over, b) puke,
or c) fall over and puke.'
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154. I like my idea better.
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155. Yeah, well, you would.
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156. I think it's more interesting.
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157. Toss a coin?
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158. Two pints of cider, please.
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159. And crisps.
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160. And crisps as well.
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161. Two packets of crisps.
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162. And nuts
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163. Daisy, I'm ordering the drinks!
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164. I can't remember now.
Fuck it, two tequila slammers.
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165. YES!
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166. It's ups and downs, ups and downs,
ups and downs.
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167. We're not more up than down.
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168. Know what I mean?
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169. What did you wanna be as a kid?
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170. Monkey.
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171. A monkey?
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172. No, Monkey.
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173. Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay. Headache!
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174. What did you wanna be?
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175. Elvis.
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176. That's stupid, he's a bloke.
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177. Go on. Go on.
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178. There's a good little fellow.
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179. Right, off to enjoy a night running
round in the dark with a gun.
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180. You stay here and be good.
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181. Settle down and get comfy cos you...
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182. are going nowhere.
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183. Oh, bollocks.
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184. Colin! Colin!
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185. Colin! Colin! COLIN!
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186. I'm glad we decided to stay in,
Twist. It's so nice here.
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187. Just you and me together.
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188. I've been naughty.
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189. Naughty?
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190. I've lost Colin.
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191. How?
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192. He just ran off.
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193. Brian, we've got to find him.
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194. He'll come back.
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195. One thing I've learned
is never leave a man behind.
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196. It's a dog.
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197. Or a dog.
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198. Bye, Twist.
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199. Sophie seems very nice.
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200. Yeah, she's cool. Very cool.
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201. She's quite quiet.
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202. What? She talks more than you.
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203. Really?
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204. Yeah, yeah.
And she's very funny as well.
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205. She really makes me laugh.
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206. Well, I'm glad. I'm glad for you.
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207. What about you? You er...
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208. Glad.
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209. You got someone special?
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210. No, I put men off.
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211. No, you don't.
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212. No, I do, trust me.
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213. Hey, come on, pull my finger.
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214. Well, look,
you're a beautiful, talented woman.
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215. I'm going to go to the toilet
and I bet some bloke chats you up.
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216. You having a good night?
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217. Are you having a good night?
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218. Yeah. You?
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219. Oh, yes.
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220. Do you know where I'd get some puff?
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221. Erm, not at the moment, no.
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222. Have you got any?
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223. Just a couple of spliffs' worth.
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224. Can I buy it off you?
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225. No. "It's just for me and my dawg."
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226. Do you remember that Kiaora advert?
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227. "It's too orangey for crows."
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228. Brilliant.
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229. What are you talking about?
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230. You remember that, don't you?
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231. Hi, Dom, yeah. This is Duane Benzie.
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232. Tim, hi, I didn't expect to see you.
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233. You stole my girlfriend.
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234. Oh, Tim, this is, erm,
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235. Duane.
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236. Tim, hi.
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237. This isn't the kind of place
I'd expect to find you.
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238. It's exactly
where I'd expect to see you.
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239. What does that mean?
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240. You work it out.
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241. All right then.
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242. You're Duane. The "Duane" Duane.
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243. Duane Benzie.
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244. Duane Benzie that...
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245. Stole my girlfriend.
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246. That depends how you look at it.
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247. Tim looks at it that way.
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248. Yes, I do.
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249. So, Tim, haven't seen you since...
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250. No hard feelings, eh?
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251. You shot me in the bollocks, Tim.
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252. Like I said, no hard feelings.
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253. You're lucky I didn't sue.
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254. Well, why didn't you?
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255. I'm not a monster, Tim.
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256. Besides, you don't have much
in the way of... assets.
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257. I heard you got back with Sarah.
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258. She came to her senses.
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259. She not out tonight?
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260. No, she's erm...
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261. Working late?
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262. She's got a presentation.
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263. Putting in a lot of overtime?
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264. What's that supposed to mean?
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265. Daisy, we're leaving.
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266. Nice to meet you, Daisy.
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267. Yeah, yeah. Pull my finger.
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268. Daisy!
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269. At last I will emerge as the victor.
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270. At last I will have revenge.
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271. I'm glad we left
cos that could've got nasty.
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272. How 'bout that spliff?
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273. I told you, we're not selling.
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274. We're not buying.
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275. Blondie's got something for me.
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276. Yes. Daisy, give him the stuff.
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277. They're only about 12.
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278. Look at them.
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279. Just what I've been looking for.
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280. I cannot believe this.
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281. Tim.
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282. I got mugged by the Red Hand Gang.
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283. Come on.
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284. And Sophie's sleeping with her boss.
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285. She's not sleeping with her boss.
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286. And besides, what if she is? >
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287. Sometimes it pays to be single.
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288. Take Marsha, know what she told me?
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289. I was gonna be an Olympic athlete.
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290. What's that got to do with anything?
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291. I'll tell ya.
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292. I was a sprinter, a fast one too.
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293. Why do you think I've got ace pins?
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294. They're me souvenirs.
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295. Forked-lightening Klein, they
called me. I was set for stardom.
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296. Sailed through the districts,
walked the nationals.
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297. All set to wow the Olympic selection
committee when suddenly - bang!
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298. You got shot?
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299. Might as well have done.
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300. I was coming back from training
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301. when suddenly a Mini comes
out of nowhere and knocks me down.
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302. Next thing, I'm on the pavement
with this pillock standing over me
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303. saying "I didn't see you,
I was going too fast, I was drunk."
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304. He gives me his Jack Daniels bottle.
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305. "I don't drink" I said. "Oh, go on,
love, it'll help with the pain."
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306. He was not wrong.
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307. Oh, my God.
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308. Fractured me tibia, couldn't train.
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309. Eventually lost interest.
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310. What happened to the pillock?
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311. I married him in '69.
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312. I often wonder what would've
happened if I wasn't knocked down.
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313. Where would I be now?
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314. Thanks, Des.
Coming up, the latest rugby
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315. and a report from the Davis Cup.
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316. Thanks.
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317. I'm being stupid. I'm paranoid.
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318. I keep thinking about what happened
with Sarah.
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319. That is in the history. That's past.
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320. Stop thinking about Sarah.
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321. I don't. I don't think about her,
I don't miss her.
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322. I don't think about what
it would've been like to get married,
have kids and a Prologic TV.
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323. I don't think about it. And a studio.
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324. Sod the grass.
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325. You've got good friends, you've got
a good job and a foxy lady.
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326. I'm the luckiest man in town.
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327. Have a nice night, Tim!
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328. Get on that.
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329. This in't grass.
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330. It's oregano.
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331. How can you tell?
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332. I'm a catering student.
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333. Get the car.
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334. Make your way out, please.
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335. We should do this more often.
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336. It's your birthday soon,
we could have a blowout.
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337. Let's go home, watch some telly
and eat some stew.
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338. Now that's a plan I like.
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339. Have you got your keys?
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340. I left mine in that pub.
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341. They'll close soon.
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342. He who laughs last laughs longest.
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343. Tim! Let's go!
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344. Yes, please!
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345. Step on it!
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346. Come on!
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347. You bloody idiot! Have you any idea
how much this car cost?
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348. Why not piss off back to Womford
where you belong, you little prick?
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349. Eh? Eh?
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350. Clever boys.
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351. Thanks, bye.
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352. I can't believe
you said "Step on it".
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353. I wanted to say it.
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354. Think we'll be here all night?
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355. Nah.
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356. I'm cold.
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357. You know what I was saying
earlier on?
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358. About what?
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359. About being single and that.
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360. I think the thing is
not to go looking for it, you know.
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361. I think things happen
when you least expect them to.
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362. Yeah?
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363. Isn't that your dog?
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364. Aren't those your keys?
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365. Yeah!
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366. I must have had them all along.
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367. Have you two
just been taking Colin out?
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368. Yes.
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369. Didn't you go on your mission?
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370. Erm, sort of.
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371. You're in time for stew. Chop chop.
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372. That was a great stew, Daisy.
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373. I think I'll make another one.
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374. Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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