1. Darling, I made your breakfast.
Did you sleep all right?
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2. Um, yeah.
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3. Yeah. I had a really weird dream.
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4. Did you, babe?
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5. You chucked me and I moved in
with a girl I hardly knew.
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6. I chucked you?
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7. Yeah.
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8. As if.
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9. Yeah!
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10. Aghh!
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11. Shit!
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12. Son of a... !
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13. Tim, I'm really trying to work.
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14. Why tell me?
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15. I can't concentrate with this mess.
It's time we unpacked.
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16. I have.
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17. Have you?
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18. I'm not talking about your room, I
mean this room. Your stuff's in it.
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19. It's under your stuff. When
you clear it up I can do the rest.
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20. I've got work to do.
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21. You haven't sat down
for more than two minutes.
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22. What do you mean?
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23. I mean you're avoiding doing any work
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24. Oh, really.
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25. I just think that we should draw up
some kind of a rota. All right?
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26. All right.
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27. We need to establish an equilibrium.
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28. OK.
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29. We need to get used to each other.
We don't know each other that well.
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30. Thrush.
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31. No.
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32. In the interests of making
this cohabitation work,
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33. ..I think we should do everything we
can to make life as easy as possible.
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34. All right. I'm agreeing with you.
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35. Right! Get on with it, then.
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36. Right!
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37. I'll divide it into kitchen...
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38. Right, then.
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39. Hey.
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40. It's OK, it's me. How's it going?
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41. Fine. How long have I been going?
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42. Two and a half minutes.
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43. I've got an idea.
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44. What?
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45. You'll like it.
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46. I've got to...
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47. It's important, Daisy. Trust me.
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48. Mmm! I'm glad we did that.
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49. We had to, really.
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50. I'm glad we did it sooner
rather than later.
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51. There'd have been a lot of tension
if we'd left it.
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52. You're telling me.
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53. What shall we do now?
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54. I think we should descale the teapot.
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55. Filthy bitch!
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56. You love it.
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57. Ooh!
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58. Tim, what are you doing?
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59. We're having sale at the shop. Bilbo
wants a picture of Wolverine slashing
prices with his adamantine claws.
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60. Oh, right.
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61. I'm also doing posters...
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62. All right!
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63. My glasses! Where are my glasses?
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64. Oh.
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65. Right.
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66. YES!
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67. Let's have a house-warming party.
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68. Great! I could make invitations
out of plastic and tinfoil.
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69. We could invite Marsha
from upstairs, and Ryan.
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70. When?
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71. Tonight!
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72. Tonight?
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73. It's short notice.
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74. It'll be like Warhol's Factory -
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75. artists, writers, musicians, dossers
off the street all in our pad.
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76. The new hub of north London.
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77. We could have a glitter ball.
I could make one out of tinfoil.
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78. Yes!
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79. Your room's the coat room.
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80. I'll get this old thing out the way.
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81. Party! Umbayay! Party!
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82. "If we have it they will come."
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83. I said yes.
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84. We'd all like a bleeding holiday,
wouldn't we?
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85. Hello! Everything all right?
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86. Teenagers, eh?
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87. She's not a teenager,
she's the devil in an A cup!
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88. Us amiable bunch
of twenty-somethings,
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89. ..us happy lot, we're having a party
- very small and quiet.
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90. We wondered if you wanted to come
and throw coleslaw at each other.
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91. She's having a party of her own
tonight. Sure you want me there?
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92. We'd love it if you came.
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93. Will Brian be there?
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94. I hope so. Tim's gone to ask him.
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95. Do you like him?
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96. He's all right.
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97. Who is it? >
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98. Father Christmas.
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99. I don't see him.
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100. Who did you think it was?
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101. Daisy wants to have a house-warming
party tonight. Do you want to come?
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102. Is Marsha coming?
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103. I don't know. She's gone to ask her.
What's the deal with you and Marsha?
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104. You know about the deal?
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105. I'm busy, Tim, painting a triptych.
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106. What's it called?
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107. Bad Sandwich.
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108. Really?
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109. Yes. It's a piece about violence,
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110. .. the instancy of the event,
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111. ..a synchronic rendering of three
explosive, aggressive expressions.
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112. There'll be girls at the party.
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113. Yes.
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114. 'All right, mate!'
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115. I don't think
we're gonna need any security.
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116. Bring one. Bring the beretta. Yeah.
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117. No, bring the Glock 17.
That's my favourite.
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118. OK. I'll see you later. Bye.
Where've you been?
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119. With Marsha. What's a Glock 17?
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120. A gun. You've been gone for 4 hours.
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121. Her husband once drummed for
Status Quo. Who's bringing a gun?
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122. Mike. Is that
what you've been talking about?
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123. Why's he bringing a gun?
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124. Security. Do you think she suspects
we're not a couple?
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125. Why do we need security?
It's not a rave.
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126. It's not that sort of security.
It's like a gonk, a Linus blanket.
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127. Do we still have to hold hands
in the corridor?
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128. Not if you don't want to.
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129. I didn't say that.
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130. Could stop the fake sex noises.
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131. Ah!
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132. Ugh!
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133. Shame!
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134. My friend Twist is coming. You'll
love her. She's really brilliant,
intelligent, talented, funny.
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135. But is she fit?
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136. She ran a marathon for Fashion Aid.
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137. Have you rustled up any media types?
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138. < Who?
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139. The paperboy.
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140. Smooth!
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141. What about you?
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142. What with the skate-orama
and the tripods convention
most of my friends are busy so...
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143. Don't worry, Tim, it's going to be
great. I'm going to try on
a few outfits.
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144. Hello.
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145. Hi. Is Daisy there, please?
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146. Yeah. She's getting dressed.
It's your boyfriend.
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147. Shhh! Hi, Richard.
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148. What did he mean by that?
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149. "By what?"
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150. About you getting your clothes on.
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151. We're having a party and
I was trying to pick some clothes.
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152. "How's it going?"
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153. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
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154. What's that?
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155. Daisy!
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156. I can hear sex niose!
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157. Shh!
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158. I see it as a tribute to Cristo -
you know, the artist.
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159. I see it as a waste of Baco -
the foil.
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160. Party!
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161. OK! Wooo! Wooo!
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162. Music! Music!
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163. Warm-up music! Warm-up music!
Party tape, in you go.
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164. Come on!
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165. Try not to eat too much - there's
quite a lot of people coming.
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166. Brian, do you want some ice?
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167. Come and get some ice!
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168. God, I don't understand this!
I defrosted this earlier.
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169. It eats up electricity
and frosts up really quickly.
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170. I put half a Magnum in there this
afternoon - I can't get it out now.
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171. It's as if it's...
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172. .. self-aware.
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173. Hi, Mike!
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174. Tim!
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175. Hi. We're looking for the party.
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176. Well, come on in.
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177. Are you Amber's Dad?
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178. It's upstairs.
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179. You might've missed the puppet show.
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180. Fuck off! >
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181. What did you say?
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182. They said fuck off.
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183. I know!
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184. Little cow! Standing there
with her purple hair and her alcopops
giving it all that.
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185. This is my best friend - Mike.
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186. I'm Daisy. Nice to meet you.
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187. Sgt Mike Watts, TA.
Longest way up, shortest way down.
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188. Oh, you've brought something.
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189. I've got a... landmine.
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190. Oh, right. OK.
I'll just put that somewhere safe.
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191. Artist, writer...
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192. Mike.
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193. You said Amber was having a party.
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194. We'll show them!
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195. This is rubbish.
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196. We should be listening to
kicking tunes, thumping bass.
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197. God! I sound so stupid!
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198. Twist! Hi!
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199. Do you look nice!
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200. Bit of a midriff show.
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201. Big's in this season. Good for you.
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202. This is my friend Twist.
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203. Hi.
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204. Hey, Twista, what can I get ya?
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205. I shouldn't drink because of
the yeast but I'll have a spritzer.
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206. Where can I hang my wrap?
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207. Daisy's room.
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208. Right. >
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209. She's great, isn't she?
She's so funny!
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210. So you two have got separate rooms.
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211. No. We had an argument.
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212. We had a fight - Daisy snores.
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213. I snore.
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214. Like a pig!
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215. A big sweaty pig!
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216. You're the pig. I don't snore.
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217. That's why we sleep separately.
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218. Yes. We're not a couple.
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219. Hey! Funny! That is good!
No, er...
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220. The fact is.. we're not a couple,
we lied to get the flat.
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221. We really like it here
so please don't tell...
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222. Marsha!
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223. Hello!
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224. Hi!
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225. It's me, the weirdo from upstairs.
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226. Am I late?
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227. Hello, Brian. >
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228. < DOOR BANGS
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229. Twist! Marsha, this is Twist.
She's in fashion.
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230. Marsha's... a landlady.
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231. Hi! Interesting outfit.
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232. Thanks. Thought I'd make an effort.
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233. I can see what you tried to do.
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234. Cheers.
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235. And that's Mike.
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236. And he's... a Mike.
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237. Where shall I put me coat?
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238. Er...
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239. Don't worry, I'll put it
in Tim and Daisy's room.
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240. '# Does she walk? Does she talk?'
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241. If I was you I wouldn't care.
You can just eat what you like
and get fat.
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242. Wish I wasn't so picky. You can't
trust that organic produce shop.
It's con after con.
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243. That's it. The evil hand of
capitalism dons a gardening glove...
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244. ..to take our money
in the name of global awareness.
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245. One woman there who stinks of garlic
and looks like a turd in a wig.
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246. You'd think with the money
she's raking in she could afford
a hairbrush or a T-shirt.
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247. Anyway, it's quite a nice flat.
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248. It'll be better when you've unpacked
and cleaned up a little.
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249. This is it, actually.
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250. Tim seems nice and friendly.
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251. Come on, now, Daisy! Stop feeling
like a big, fat ugly failure!
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252. Everything's going to be fine.
Hm? Eh? Good.
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253. What do you do, Brian?
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254. He paints.
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255. What sort of thing?
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256. Try, Brian.
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257. Anger.
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258. AGHHHHHHHHHH!
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259. Pain.
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260. Fear.
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261. Aggression.
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262. I know exactly what you mean.
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263. Do you?
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264. Yes. Ooh! Timewarp!
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265. "Ooh! Timewarp!"
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266. Timewarp?
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267. < # Let's do the timewarp again!
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268. This party is so rubbish!
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269. Is it?
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270. You were there.
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271. I was providing door security.
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272. Any problems?
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273. Sorry. Are we getting old?
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274. Everyone is, except my cousin Adam.
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275. What's so special about him?
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276. He's getting younger.
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277. Bastard! What'll we do?
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278. The government know.
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279. I'm not talking about Adam
but what we can do now.
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280. Go into your party.
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281. They're playing the Timewarp!
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282. Daisy likes it.
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283. So what? I hate it!
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284. Bland perversion for drama students
with Betty Blue, Big Blue and Blue
Velvet posters on their blue walls!
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285. It's only a song.
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286. I don't care! I don't want to
hear it at a party, least of all
one I supposed to be throwing!
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