1. Is your hair as dull and lifeless as your brain?
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2. Didn't work start at 9:00?
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3. Where's your shirt?
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4. Did you even remember to wear it?
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5. I know you. I used to be you, until I discovered chambraigne.
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6. Shampoo for your hair and your brain!
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7. That's right, al, and here's how it works.
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8. Other shampoos just work on your hair, but chambraigne travels
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9. down each follicle and bores into your skull, depositing
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10. magical knowledge crystals.
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11. Lather your way to a new intelligence.
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12. With chambraigne, the shampoo of kings.
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13. Made by Carl & sons.
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14. Continued use may result in limb loss.
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15. Finally, a product for me!
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16. I believe every word that man just said because it's exactly
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17. what I wanted to hear.
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18. Ha ha ha ha! I'm already smart enough to know this is working.
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19. This is a proud day for Carl & sons, son. We've sold
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20. enough chambraigne to purchase this television.
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21. Yes. Fetch daddy's hard plastic eyes so he can see the tv.
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22. On the dresser.
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23. You are an imbecile!
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24. Greetings! I'm number one,
and I got this way because I use chambraigne!
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25. "But what's chambraigne, Space Ghost? " Well, let me tell you
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26. what chambraigne is. Chambraigne is an "intelli-hancer."
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27. Man, you've been brainwashed!
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28. You're right it's a brain-wash.
And it's good for your hair, too.
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29. Bob's here.
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30. "Is this product for everyone, Space Ghost?"
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31. No, no, no. This product is not for everyone. Only for
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32. those who buy, and choose to use, the product.
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33. Bob's here.
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34. You know what I've always wanted to do?
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35. Have a nerf war in a huge mansion!
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36. Bob's here.
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37. Oh, really? Chambraigne, I'll catch you on the flipside.
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38. Greetings, Space Ghost.
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39. Bob, for legal reasons beyond our control, and to honor
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40. the queen, identify yourself to me... The king.
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41. Bob costas, nbc sports.
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42. Hello, universe.
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43. Now, when you say Bob costas, what do you mean by that?
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44. You know, it's... It's, uh, something I haven't given
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45. much thought to, actually.
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46. Well, I have.
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47. It's your name, Bob.
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48. Yeah... Yeah?
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49. This shampoo is awesome!
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50. Hey, Bob, look at me!
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51. Yeah?
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52. I'm burning a hole in your head with my mind.
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53. Ha ha! What a sticky wicket!
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54. Zorak's mind is obviously too small. He has no hair. He can't
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55. make use of chambraigne.
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56. It's like the domino theory of stupidity.
Isn't that obvious to everyone?
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57. Oh, dear.
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58. Hey, Bob, this Pete rose thing—how does that guy
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59. not wind up in the hall?
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60. It's a travesty.
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61. Ok. All right.
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62. I mean, 4,256 hits.
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63. Nobody's touching that record.
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64. Well, my favorite athlete as a kid growing up was Mickey
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65. mantle. I grew up in New York... Bob.
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66. And the Yankees were the dominant... Bob. Bob!
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67. That thing over there is a villain. He knows nothing.
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68. He's obviously trying to lure you into some sort of a sports
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69. death trap! So now, Bob, listen to my important question.
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70. Ok.
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71. What's the difference between a "boont" and a "poont"?
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72. A bunt, first of all, would happen in baseball.
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73. Bob, hold on. We all know what a bunt is. We're talking
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74. about the boont, the French boont. Or English. Whatever.
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75. You know, a punt— you clearly have
no idea what you're talking about,
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76. you handsome, sophisticated, hyper-intelligent, svelte,
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77. well-read, sparkling, salty,
olive-complected, full-head-of-haired man!
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78. Well, you know you have to— I am the king!
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79. Don't you feel special about that?
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80. Bob smells like a chili dog.
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81. And his hair is huge.
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82. Could he be using chambraigne... Now with wiener scent?
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83. There is no wiener scent, you hooded buffoon!
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84. He's making a mockery of the product. You're making
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85. a mockery of the product!
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86. How much—how much hair do you have, Space Ghost?
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87. Oh, I don't know. 9.
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88. 9 fat stalks.
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89. Well, why, if... Space Ghost, if you weren't concerned about
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90. your own dome, why would you be so concerned and perhaps
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91. envious of those who have a full head of hair?
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92. Right.
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93. Right.
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94. Want to see my brain?
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95. What's that?
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96. Moltar, get out here and heat up my skull.
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97. Now this is something, Bob, you don't ever want to do.
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98. All right. This is gonna hurt—bad.
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99. Right now, Moltar is heating my skull up to a scorching
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100. 450 degrees. It's like getting a scalp massage from Lucifer.
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101. It sounds dangerous.
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102. It sounds downright frightening.
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103. It is. You see, my brain's sending a message to my arms
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104. right now to put my head out, but I'm choosing to ignore that.
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105. Uh-huh. Hello, Moltar.
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106. Hi, Bob.
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107. Moltar, don't talk to the guests. Things get easier
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108. as your brain dies, Bob.
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109. I know.
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110. There she is, Bob.
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111. Brains!
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112. I'm impressed. I'm very impressed, Space Ghost.
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113. But then, I was impressed to begin with.
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114. You, uh, want to know why I did this, Bob?
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115. Please.
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116. To prove a point—a point, Bob, which escapes me right now.
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117. I have to go stick my head in the lake.
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118. How sad was that?
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119. Sales will plummet, all because of this beef-witted klingon.
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120. Oh, daddy!
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121. Fetch daddy's blue fright wig.
I must be handsome when I unleash my rage.
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122. It's on the dresser, next to the keys!
I've told you a million times.
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123. And, you know, it's been pretty much oozing ever since.
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124. What do you think of that?
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125. It disgusts me.
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126. Me, too, and I got to live with it.
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127. Mm.
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128. Moltar, flush the lake.
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129. We don't have a lake.
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130. Good work. Bob?
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131. Yes, Space Ghost?
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132. Bob.
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133. Space Ghost.
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134. Hello.
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135. Hello, Space Ghost.
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136. I have one final question for you.
As a carbon-based sex machine—
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137. smooth-chested, no doubt.
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138. I was just gonna say that!
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139. That's amazing. We've been working together so long... We finish
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140. each other's sentences.
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141. Well, you know, it's like I always say when I'm in the shower...
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142. That's what I always say, Bob, when I'm showering.
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143. Now, Bob, I have one more final question for you. Do you
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144. have the freedom to wear comfortable, open-toed shoes?
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145. I could, yes.
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146. Ok.
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147. Yeah. Actually, though, it's not advisable when doing
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148. a football game in green bay in December to wear sandals.
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149. Bob, everyone knows green bay is not in December.
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150. You obviously don't shampoo.
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151. Here's my final question, Bob.
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152. Oh, yeah? I thought that was the last question.
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153. Who told you that?
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154. All right. What is it?
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155. That was it.
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156. Did you just call me a monkey?
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157. Huh?
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158. Space Ghost, I didn't— come on, big man. Come on!
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159. I'm not a man who believes in violence, Space Ghost.
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160. Come on, costas! Start something!
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161. Nah.
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162. Yeah!
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163. Nah.
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164. You want a piece of me?
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165. Nah.
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166. Space Ghost, eying zorak.
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167. What?
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168. Ready to deliver the knockout blow.
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169. Come on, zorak, start something.
Come on! You want a piece of the king?
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170. One of his archenemies... The monkey king!
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171. In his sights.
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172. No, not really.
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173. What? Say that to my face.
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174. I didn't say anything!
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175. And he zaps him, zaps him but good.
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176. He's gone yard on zorak.
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177. He's taken him deep.
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178. He's taken him over the boards.
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179. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, with your burned lips!
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180. It's a tape-measure blast of zorak that ought to
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181. eliminate the little creep for the foreseeable future.
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182. I didn't do anything!
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183. You were driving away the fans.
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184. He was. He was asking for it.
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185. And all superheroes, all men of honor and virtue,
only resort to violence—
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186. I didn't ask you, Bob.
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187. I'm sorry.
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188. "Sorry" is a word that knows no boundaries. Now kiss my ring.
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189. Silence!
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190. Shut. Shut! If you had a neck and I had hands, I would squeeze
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191. your brain, which is your body, right out the top of your head,
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192. which does not exist.
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193. Ehhh... That's some great hair.
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194. Thanks. It's not real.
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195. Welcome, fans.
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196. We are far from fans.
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197. I am Carl. This is my son, little Carl.
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198. We're from Carl & sons.
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199. We are both Carls.
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200. Shut up. Shut up!
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201. Carl & sons?
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202. What a coincidence! I buy my chambraigne from them.
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203. It's shampoo for your brain.
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204. Fool! We know what it is.
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205. We make it!
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206. You're the inventors of the specially
patented formula for intelligence?
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207. It's only dishwasher liquid, you overinflated gasbag.
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208. Uh-huh. And the knowledge crystals?
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209. "Uh-huh and the knowledge crystals? " Aquarium gravel.
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210. Shut!
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211. I don't care how you do it.
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212. I just know it's working for me.
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213. It doesn't work. It's psychosomatic. It's a placebo.
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214. Oh, those are big words.
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215. Maybe I should wash my hair again.
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216. No! Can you not comprehend that your ignorance will
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217. cause me to explode now?
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218. Let's stop right there.
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219. If someone approached you about washing your hair, what would
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220. you say to them? I'll tell you what you should say. You'd say,
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221. "thanks, but no thanks.
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222. I don't need large brains to have a good time."
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223. You want to be groovy, huh?
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224. You want to fit in?
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225. Want to go to the big dance?
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226. Want to be the king?
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227. You'll be the fool.
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228. Shampoo will play you for the fool!
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229. Ok. Well, thank you for coming.
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230. I'm not done. I'm serious.
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231. These brains—they're out there.
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232. And they're shiny, with eyes of hard plastic.
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233. And blue hair... Blue as the night!
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