1. Space Ghost:
SCENE ONE, OFFICE, DAY.
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2. MR. WHITE SAYS,
"I WILL STOP YOU,"
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3. AND MR. BLACK SAYS,
"YOU WON'T STOP ME."
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4. MR. WHITE SAYS,
"YES, I WILL STOP YOU!"
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5. I READ THAT WRONG.
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6. "YES, I WILL STOP YOU!"
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7. HMM.
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8. "ROBOTIC SPACE WORM ENTERS,
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9. "DESTROYS CITY.
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10. "THE END.
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11. OR IS IT?"
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12. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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13. GREETINGS! I'M SPACE GHOST,
ARCHITECT OF THE FUTURE.
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14. WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
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15. SO, HOW WAS
YOUR WEEKEND, ZORAK?
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16. I, UH, I DID
SOME VOLUNTEER WORK
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17. OVER AT
THE ORPHANAGE.
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18. WELL, I WAS...
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19. YEAH.
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20. I WAS FINISHING UP
MY SCREENPLAY,
AND IT'S BRILLIANT.
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21. BRILLIANT!
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22. NOW PLAY ME TO THE DESK.
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23. SOME OF MY DIRECTOR
PALS ARE DROPPING BY
THE STUDIO TONIGHT.
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24. AND IF ONE OF THEM
PLAYS HIS CARDS RIGHT,
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25. I'LL AFFIX HIM
TO MY MOVIE.
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26. YOU DON'T KNOW
ANY DIRECTORS.
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27. SURE I DO.
MOLTAR'S A DIRECTOR.
AREN'T YOU, MOLTAR?
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28. YEAH. CHECK IT OUT.
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29. TA-DA.
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30. SEE, ZORAK?
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31. HEY, SPACE GHOST,
HOW ABOUT YOU LET ME
DIRECT YOUR MOVIE?
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32. MOLTAR, MOLTAR,
MOLTAR, MOLTAR,
MOLTAR, MOLTAR.
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33. HEH HEH!
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34. THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU, BUT YOUR
SPECIALTY IS CARTOONS.
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35. SO?
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36. SO CARTOONS
ARE KID STUFF.
I NEED SOMEONE
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37. WITH REAL ADULT-FILM
EXPERIENCE.
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38. I'M SURE
YOU UNDERSTAND.
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39. OH, I DO.
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40. AND WOULD YOU LOSE
THE TITLE CARD?
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41. WE'RE NOT DOING
THREE'S COMPANY HERE.
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42. SURE.
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43. AAH!
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44. Space Ghost: MOLTAR,
SEE ME AFTER THE SHOW.
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45. IT'S A PLEASURE
TO BE HERE.
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46. WHO ARE YOU?
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47. UM... AHEM!
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48. I'M BEN STILLER.
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49. IS THAT A WIG?
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50. IT SURE
LOOKS LIKE A WIG.
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51. SORRY ABOUT THAT, BEN.
CAN WE GET YOU ANYTHING?
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52. I PROBABLY COULD
USE SOME COFFEE.
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53. YEAH.
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54. COFFEE WOULD
BE GOOD.
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55. UM...
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56. PSST! BEN?
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57. YEAH?
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58. YOU HAVE
A KIND FACE.
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59. THANK YOU.
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60. THE KIND YOU
WOULD LIKE TO DO
WHAT TO, ZORAK?
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61. THE KIND I'D LIKE TO
CHEW OFF AND SPIT ON
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62. AND SPIT UP
AND STOMP ON—
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63. YOU KNOW WHAT?
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64. I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
AND SLAP AND PUSH
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65. AND KICK AND...
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66. PUSH, AND—
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67. ZORAK,
I ENJOY THE...
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68. YOUR RIBALD SENSE
OF HUMOR THAT YOU
BRING TO THE SHOW.
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69. AND I THINK YOU ARE
A NECESSARY EVIL...
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70. YEAH,
I'M RIBALD.
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71. YEAH, I'M EVIL.
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72. IF YOU WILL,
ON THIS SHOW.
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73. YEAH,
I WILL.
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74. AND I THINK
YOU GUYS HAVE
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75. A GREAT LITTLE
REPARTEE THING
HAPPENING.
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76. DON'T MIND ZORAK, BEN.
HE'S JUST A SQUIRREL.
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77. OK, UH—
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78. UH-OH.
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79. HANG ON.
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80. THANK YOU.
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81. OOH!
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82. ANYWAY, I THINK
YOU SHOULD DIRECT
MY MOVIE.
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83. YEAH! CABLE GUY 2,
STARRING SPACE GHOST.
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84. YOU COULD BE THE
KOOKY GUY WHO COMES
AND HOOKS UP THE—
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85. LET ME GET WITH
MY PEOPLE, BEN.
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86. I'LL GET BACK
TO YOU ON THAT.
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87. ZORAK, MOLTAR,
MEETING.
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88. GENTLEMEN?
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89. STINKS.
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90. PASS-ADENA.
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91. BEN, WE LOVE
THE IDEA,
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92. SO WE'RE
GOING TO PASS.
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93. MOLTAR AND ZORAK,
THEY JUST DON'T
SHARE OUR VISION.
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94. OK, THANK YOU.
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95. MOLTAR AND ZORAK.
HEH HEH.
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96. BEN, YOU BEEN MAKING
MOVIES SINCE BEFORE
YOU WERE BORN.
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97. IF YOU COULD GIVE ME
ANY ADVICE ABOUT
MY MOVIE CAREER,
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98. WHAT WOULD IT BE?
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99. I WOULD START OUT
WITH COMEDY, LIKE
YOU'RE DOING.
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100. START...
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101. OUT...
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102. WITH...
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103. OK, START OUT
WITH COMEDY,
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104. LIKE I'M DOING.
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105. DO THE STAND-UP.
I'D LOVE TO SEE YOU
DO SOME STAND-UP.
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106. THE STAND-UP.
LIKE THIS?
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107. UH...
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108. IS THIS FUNNY?
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109. NO.
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110. HOW ABOUT
FLOATING?
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111. OK.
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112. IS THAT FUNNY?
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113. HA HA!
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114. NO.
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115. HA HA HA!
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116. NOW, IF I'M NOT
COMPLETELY SATISFIED,
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117. YOU SAY I GET
A FULL REFUND?
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118. THAT SOUNDS FAIR.
AND STILL KEEP
MY MIRACLE HAT?
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119. YEAH, I THINK I DO KNOW
A COUPLE OF PEOPLE
WHO MAY BE INTERESTED.
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120. NO.
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121. OK.
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122. ZORAK, YOU WANT IN
ON THIS?
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123. HEY, HOW ARE YOU, GHOST?
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124. I'M ON THE PHONE,
THAT'S HOW.
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125. RUDE.
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126. OK, PUT ME DOWN
FOR 6 DOZEN MORE.
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127. YEAH, I CAN HOLD.
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128. WHERE DID YOU GET
THAT SWEATER?
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129. IT LOOKS CHEAP.
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130. I HATE IT.
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131. OK, THEN. THANK YOU
SO MUCH. BYE NOW.
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132. ALL RIGHTY. IDENTIFY
YOURSELF, KEVIN.
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133. I'M KEVIN SMITH.
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134. I DIRECTED CLERKS
AND MALLRATS AND
CHASING AMY.
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135. AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE HERE—
TO DISCUSS MY MOVIE.
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136. UM, I GUESS I SHOULD
PITCH YOU SOMETHING, HUH?
ARE YOU UP FOR THAT?
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137. I'M UP FOR SITTING BY
THE POOL AND WATCHING
THE JACK ROLL IN.
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138. I'M UP FOR
A PEABODY.
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139. SQUIRRELS DON'T
WIN AWARDS.
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140. STUPID SQUIRREL.
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141. ZORAK.
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142. KEVIN.
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143. ZORAK!
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144. KEVIN!
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145. ZORAK!
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146. SPACE GHOST!
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147. HA HA! SORRY.
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148. SO, KEVIN, WHAT'S THE PLAN?
WHAT NOW? WHERE TO?
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149. WHAT'S NEXT FOR
THE SPACE GHOST?
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150. I THINK YOU JUST NEED
TO WORK WITH THE RIGHT DIRECTOR.
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151. SO I'M SURE THIS IS
BORING ZORAK, BUT—
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152. YEAH, I TURNED OFF
MY EARS 5 MINUTES AGO.
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153. THEN HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHAT HE SAID?
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154. HUH?
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155. I SAID, IF YOU
TURNED OFF YOUR EARS,
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156. HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHAT KEVIN SAID?
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157. WHAT?
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158. I SAID,
IF YOU—
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159. HUH?
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160. I SAID, IF YOU TURNED—
DID YOU SAY TURNED OFF?
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161. YUP.
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162. I SAID, IF YOU
TURNED OFF YOUR EARS,
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163. HOW DID YOU KNOW
WHAT KEVIN SAID!
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164. OOH.
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165. ZORAK?
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166. ZORAK?
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167. AAH!
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168. FLOATING ISN'T FUNNY.
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169. HA HA HA! TAD.
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170. YOU LAUGHING AT ME, BOY?
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171. NO, I DIDN'T MEAN—
I WAS LAUGHING WITH YOU.
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172. BUT I WASN'T
LAUGHING, WAS I?
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173. NO, YOU HADN'T.
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174. NO, I HADN'T, HAD I?
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175. NO, NOT REALLY.
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176. SO IT'S ALL SETTLED
THEN. NOW, I HAVE
A CONTRACT
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177. DRAWN UP FOR YOU
TO DIRECT MY MOVIE.
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178. ALL YOU NEED TO DO
IS SIGN IT AND THEN
GO AWAY.
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179. I'D BE UP FOR THAT.
I'D SIGN A WAIVER.
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180. ACTUALLY, IT'S A LITTLE
MORE BINDING THAN
A WAIVER.
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181. IT'S MORE LIKE A TRAP.
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182. SO, IF YOU COULD JUST
GO AHEAD AND SIGN THAT,
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183. WE'LL BEGIN PRINCIPAL
PHOTOGRAPHY IN, WHAT,
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184. SAY, 10 MINUTES?
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185. YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF
BUSINESS.
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186. HE IS TAKING CARE OF
BUSINESS, ZORAK, ISN'T HE?
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187. SCREWY, AIN'T IT?
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188. NEVER MIND THE BIG BUG.
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189. BUST THE POWER BAND MOVE.
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190. LISTEN, KEVIN,
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY—
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191. I GOT A QUESTION, THOUGH.
WHERE'S THE MONKEY?
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192. THAT'S IT!
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193. MONKEY CAN'T GET A BREAK
IN THIS BUSINESS.
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194. MOLTAR!
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195. CUE FIRE.
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196. AAH!
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197. MEETING.
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198. IS EVERYONE
HERE?
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199. YUP.
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200. YUP.
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201. GOOD.
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202. ALL RIGHTY!
PLEASE SAY HELLO
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203. TO MY LAST AND FINAL
GUEST—JIM JARMUSCH!
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204. I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE,
BUT I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED
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205. BECAUSE I, UH...
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206. OK, QUIT HORSING
AROUND, MOLTAR.
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207. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
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208. THAT'S BETTER.
THANKS.
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209. THE LAST THING
I REMEMBER WAS
I WAS ASLEEP
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210. AT HOME IN MY BED
AND THEN THERE WAS THIS
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211. REALLY INTENSE
WHITE LIGHT THAT—
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212. I USUALLY SEE
SKYROCKETS.
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213. HA HA! I SEE.
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214. YES. THEN THE DEPRESSION
AND GUILT.
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215. REALLY?
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216. I DON'T NEED TO
TELL YOU THAT...
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217. OUT LOUD.
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218. MEETING.
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219. HEY, COULD I SAY HI
TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS
IN THE CARTOON WORLD?
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220. BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN,
LIKE, IN CARTOON LAND BEFORE.
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221. HOW YOU DOING THERE,
PARTNER? SEE YOU LATER.
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222. ACTUALLY, JIM, I—
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223. AAH!
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224. AH, I LOVE THAT.
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225. PSST! JIM!
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226. YEAH?
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227. YOU HAVE
A KIND FACE.
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228. Space Ghost: MEETING!
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229. ANYWAY, ABOUT MY MOVIE.
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230. YOU COULD, LIKE,
GROW AN EXTRA HEAD,
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231. OR, YOU KNOW,
DIE AND COME BACK
TO LIFE, OR, UH...
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232. MEETING.
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233. HELLO?
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234. SORRY, JIM, BUT
WE'RE IN A HURRY
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235. AND THE ONLY REASON
YOU'RE HERE
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236. IS THAT YOU'RE
A DIRECTOR.
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237. SO HELP ME OR LEAVE.
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238. YEAH, I-I-I-I,
UH, WHAT, UH,
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239. WHAT'S UP WITH ZORAK?
IS HE A...
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240. HE'S LIKE SOME KIND OF
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241. OUTER SPACE GRASSHOPPER,
OR SOMETHING?
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242. HELP ME OR LEAVE, JIM.
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243. IS HE RELATED—
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244. IS HE LIKE THE EVIL TWIN
OF JIMINY CRICKET? YOU KNOW?
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245. HELP ME OR LEAVE, JIM.
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246. AND ANOTHER THING I WANTED
TO ASK YOU, YOU KNOW,
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247. WHY DO YOU SUPERHEROES, LIKE,
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248. WEAR YOUR UNDERWEAR ON
THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR PANTS?
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249. Space Ghost:
MOLTAR.
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250. AAAH!
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251. AH, HECK. I'LL JUST
DIRECT IT MYSELF.
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252. HELP ME!
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253. OH, BE QUIET.
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254. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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255. CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
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256. THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
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257. Space Ghost: AAH!
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258. Space Ghost: AAH!
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