1. Greetings. I'm Space Ghost.
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2. Welcome to the show.
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3. On my show tonight, w— wait a minute.
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4. What's this?
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5. "Tad eustus ghostal, this is to
inform you that you are the winner of
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6. one superdelux king-sized lawsuit."
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7. Lawsuit?
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8. But who would want to sue lovable me?
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9. Jack lord!
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10. It's Dr. nightmare!
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11. My arch enemy!
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12. That's Dr. nightmare, attorney-at-law, Mr. fatboy.
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13. I got my degree at space prison after you unjustly sent me up
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14. the galactic river!
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15. Unjustly?
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16. You vibro-shocked 3 galaxies out of existence, you stole
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17. fizzy-lifting drinks, and then you tried to steal my brain!
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18. Petty larceny.
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19. Do you mind, zorak?
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20. I'm getting sued here.
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21. I don't mind.
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22. Go ahead and get sued.
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23. See if I care.
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24. Hey, this is serious, ghostal.
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25. My clients are prepared to sue the unitard off of you.
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26. Clients, my asteroids.
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27. This is obviously just another one
of your stupid supervillain plots.
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28. Oh, yeah, weisenheimer?
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29. I got your clients right here.
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30. The wonder twins?
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31. You jerk, tad.
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32. It's us—jan and jace.
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33. Oh, you two.
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34. Ah, figures.
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35. We told you if you didn't return our calls,
you'd hear from our lawyer,
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36. and our lawyer is Dr. nightmare.
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37. We aren't seeing a dime from those reruns.
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38. You signed the contracts.
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39. Nobody forced you... Much.
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40. We were just kids, tad.
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41. What were you thinking,
taking children into space to fight crime,
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42. exposing us to interstellar gases,
laser rays, and unearthly atmospheres
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43. which stunted our growth?
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44. Look at us.
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45. We're still teenagers.
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46. I'm stuck in a perpetual prepubescence, and it's all your fault!
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47. So we're suing you for back wages and damages stemming
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48. from emotional distress, mental cruelty,
and for preventing us from
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49. receiving the schooling which might
have provided us with a future!
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50. Ha ha!
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51. Ah, those poor kids.
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52. I-I'm sorry, Dr. nightmare.
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53. Attorney-at-law.
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54. It's all right, son.
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55. Now wipe your nose.
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56. You're on television.
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57. I'll wipe Space Ghost— gentlemen, please!
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58. You can fight like itsy-bitsy babies later.
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59. Huh. Right now, we have adult
name-calling and mudslinging to attend to.
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60. Ahem. Should I start?
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61. Oh, by all means.
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62. Shyster.
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63. Poltroon.
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64. Ambulance chaser.
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65. No-talent Hanna-barbarian!
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66. Big meanie!
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67. Knish eater!
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68. Uh, mumbly peg!
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69. Why does that monkey have to be here anyway?
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70. Oh, I forgot to tell you.
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71. The monkey's suing you, too.
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72. Cruelty to animals or something.
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73. Stupid chimp.
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74. Smelly eater of filth.
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75. You creep.
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76. Blip's not dirty.
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77. I take him into the shower myself to clean his—
all right, that's enough!
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78. Joke's over!
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79. This ain't no joke, ghostal!
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80. I got clients besides the kids and the hairball lining up to sue
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81. the power bands off you.
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82. You ever hear of Cameron Diaz, flip orley,
Sean medlock, the hoover dam?
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83. I don't know what you're talking about.
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84. Does France ring a bell?
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85. I never touched France!
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86. Sure you did.
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87. You blew it up.
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88. Oh, well, maybe I did.
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89. C'est la vie.
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90. Look, ghostal, my midgety clients here
are willing to settle this lawsuit
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91. if you'll be willing to, say, rehire them for your talk show.
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92. Is it a deal?
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93. Ew! No can do, Dr. nightmare!
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94. Attorney-at-law.
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95. I've already got two cute, useless sidekicks.
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96. I'm not useless.
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97. I'm not cute.
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98. I'm not rappaport.
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99. Well, if you won't settle it,
I'm forced to sue you for $32 million,
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100. plus expenses and a play toy for the chimp.
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101. Whoa! I want in on that lawsuit.
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102. Ok, sure, there, zorak.
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103. On what grounds would you like to sue, you know, Mr. big, big,
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104. fat body over there?
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105. Ah, mental cruelty, physical cruelty,
defamation of cartoon character—
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106. you rotten kids!
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107. This is all your fault!
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108. I owe you nothing.
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109. Without me, you'd be on the herculoids planet following gleep
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110. and gloop with brooms.
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111. And you two are no longer friends of mine.
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112. I'm telling that fat geek-a-nerd who
does my web page to officially list
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113. you two ingrates as enemies from now on.
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114. I've heard enough, ghostal!
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115. I'm gonna work you over in court like hoboes into steaks.
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116. Yeah. You haven't got a ghost of a chance, tad.
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117. Ha ha! Good one, jace.
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118. "Ha ha! Good one, jace!"
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119. Oh...
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120. Oh, boy. The shatner's really hit the fan now.
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121. I'm up Dawson's creek without a paddle.
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122. You know, my Uncle Miranda got sued once.
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123. That's nice.
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124. I'm gonna get my own big shot lawyer and fight fire with napalm.
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125. Moltar, phone book!
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126. Lawyer, extrapolate!
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127. Napalm... Ah, to be young again.
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128. Your call is being connected with the
next available high-priced lawyer.
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129. Please stay on the line.
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130. Perry Mason.
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131. Matlock. Matlock.
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132. Perry, Perry, Perry... Matlock!
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133. Quincy!
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134. Quincy's not a lawyer.
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135. He's better than a lawyer.
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136. He's a coroner.
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137. Whew, mama, am I nervous.
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138. Sweating like a trekkie.
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139. I smell like oil of olestra.
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140. Oh, what a special jacket.
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141. How about that?
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142. Ooh... Well... Hi there, miss... Greta van susteren, lawyer.
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143. Space Ghost, intergalactic dream boat.
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144. Hey! That's my sound effect!
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145. I'm suing!
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146. Me, too!
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147. I don't have any lines in this show.
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148. You see, greta, I'm having some legal problems, and—
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149. like what, Space Ghost?
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150. Maybe I can help you.
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151. Well, it's like this.
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152. I used to have these sidekicks— jan and jace.
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153. Mm-hmm.
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154. And, well, they hired my old arch-enemy
Dr. nightmare... Attorney-at-law.
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155. To sue me.
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156. Oh, dear. For what?
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157. Oh, stupid stuff.
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158. They say I endangered their lives, stunted their emotional
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159. and physical development, ripped them off—
you know, stupid kid stuff.
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160. For how many years has this been pending,
Space Ghost, and how much
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161. do you owe them?
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162. I don't know.
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163. 32 million.
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164. That's a lot, Space Ghost.
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165. Yeah. Well, you see, the thing is,
they were young when they worked for me.
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166. But see, you've just now admitted that you employed them.
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167. Now what are you gonna do, Space Ghost?
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168. That was a trick.
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169. I asked you how long you how long you had employed them
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170. or whether they worked for you, and you admitted it.
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171. Greta, be nice.
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172. Aren't you supposed to defend me?
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173. I'll defend you.
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174. Ok. Where do we start?
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175. Cash up front.
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176. No credit cards.
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177. Just cash up front.
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178. I'd reconsider that, babe.
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179. I just uncovered some damaging evidence against big boy there.
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180. Roll that film, Moltar.
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181. Please, Space Ghost, don't make us
fight tyranor and his space piranhas.
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182. My lungs just healed from the beating metallus gave us.
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183. You little wimps make me sick!
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184. Do you want to go back to the home? Is that it? Huh?
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185. No.
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186. Well, then, stop sniveling and go capture tyranor.
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187. I'll, uh, catch up with you later.
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188. I'm, uh, gonna go get a quesadilla.
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189. Jace, look out!
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190. You losers!
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191. No dinner for you tonight!
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192. And don't think I forgot about Paris.
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193. I got that on tape, too.
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194. You're kidding?
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195. No. He, uh... I kind of zapped— what, did you zap Paris?
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196. Aw, you know, they bug me with their frenchness.
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197. Well, maybe, Space Ghost, maybe you have a little problem.
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198. What do you mean?
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199. Well, it seems like you're provoking these lawsuits.
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200. Does that mean I'm in trouble?
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201. Yeah, I think you are in a lot of trouble.
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202. Oh, boy, oh, boy.
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203. I just think it's hopeless for you.
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204. I think it's absolutely hopeless.
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205. I don't think anything's gonna help you.
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206. Come on, think of something!
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207. You know what?
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208. We may be able to work a deal out,
Space Ghost, to help both of us.
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209. You think so?
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210. I'm listening.
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211. Well, could Dr. nightmare come tomorrow?
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212. Sure thing, babe!
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213. Maybe we can work something out over dinner.
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214. What do you say?
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215. No deals!
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216. We want our money!
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217. Come on, kids.
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218. Can't we all just get along?
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219. You know, I've been in jail.
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220. Really?
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221. For stealing a brain.
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222. For stealing a brain?
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223. Yes. It was Space Ghost's brain.
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224. You really shouldn't steal someone's brain.
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225. I suppose, but I kept part of it.
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226. You pay up, tad, or I'll tell
everybody what you did to dino boy.
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227. Prepare for a blast from my spank ray.
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228. Don't you address my pimply client that way.
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229. Greta, legal advice, now!
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230. I don't know.
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231. You're Space Ghost.
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232. Can't you do anything?
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233. I could plead the fifth.
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234. If you could count that high.
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235. I think you got a problem, Space Ghost.
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236. Look, greta, we both work for Turner.
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237. Whoa! Hold on a second!
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238. Turner?
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239. You mean Ted Turner?
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240. Is there a problem, Dr. nightmare?
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241. Attorney-at-law!
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242. You bet there's a problem.
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243. You see, Ted Turner... Is my father.
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244. Sorry, kids, but you're on your own.
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245. I'll fax you my bill.
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246. See you later.
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247. This is all your fault, jace!
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248. We could have listened to Harvey and been birdboy and birdgirl,
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249. but no, you had to have inviso power.
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250. I hate you! I hate you!
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251. I hate you!
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252. Jan! Jan!
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253. Get a grip on...
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254. On yourself.
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255. What was that?
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256. I've hit puberty.
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257. Yippee. Sorry, jan.
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258. I've got to go.
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259. I've got things to do.
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260. Oh, well. That's that.
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261. Guess I can always write a tell-all about my brilliant career
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262. with space jerk.
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263. It sounds like you're home free again, Space Ghost.
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264. And now that I've beaten the legal
system to a bloody, lifeless pulp,
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265. it's your turn.
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266. Uh-oh.
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267. Sue me, will you?
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268. Moltar, help me!
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269. Aah!
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270. Please state your emergency.
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271. Uh, yeah.
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272. I'd like to report a felony in progress.
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273. Moltar, you fink.
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