1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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2. OPEN WIDE, LADY LIBERTY,
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3. BECAUSE SPACE GHOST IS
COMING TO AMERICA TODAY!
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4. HA HA! "OPEN WIDE."
THAT'S GOING TO SLIDE
RIGHT BY THE CENSORS.
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5. LADY LIBERTY'S
NOT A REAL PERSON.
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6. UM...
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7. IT'S A PHILOSOPHY.
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8. AHH.
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9. LET'S TRY THAT
JUST ONE MORE TIME.
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10. "SPACE GHOST
IS COMING TO AMERICA"?
IS THAT THE IDEA HERE?
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11. Second man:
SPACE GHOST IS
ABOUT TO INVISO IN.
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12. OK. BECAUSE—SORRY.
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13. LOVIN' THIS.
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14. OH, SHUT UP.
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15. UM...
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16. MAX, IT'S NOTHING
PERSONAL, BUT—
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17. IF YOU WANT
TO TAKE FIVE,
YOU KNOW—
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18. NO. WE'RE FINE.
WE'RE FINE.
LET'S JUST GO.
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19. AHH!
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20. GOOD MORNING, AMERICA.
HOW ARE YOU? DON'T YOU KNOW ME?
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21. I'M YOUR NATIVE SON
SPACE GHOST.
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22. WHOA! FEELS LIKE
WE'RE MOVING.
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23. WE ARE MOVING, MOLTAR—
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24. TO AMERICA!
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25. AND, UH, WHY ARE WE
DOING THAT?
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26. BECAUSE ALL THE
SUCCESSFUL SUPERHEROES
LIVE IN AMERICA.
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27. OK.
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28. IT'S REALLY
THE ONLY THING
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29. THAT KEEPS ME FROM BEING
THE NEXT SUPERMAN.
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30. ARE YOU FASTER
THAN A SPEEDING BULLET?
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31. WELL, NO, BUT—
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32. ARE YOU ABLE TO LEAP
TALL BUILDINGS IN—
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33. MOLTAR, THAT'S
NOT THE POINT.
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34. AMERICANERS DON'T TRUST
FOREIGNERS,
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35. ESPECIALLY WHEN
THEY DON'T LIVE THERE.
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36. THAT STUFF
ABOUT THE MELTING POND?
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37. YEAH.
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38. HA! IT HASN'T MELTED.
THAT'S A PANTLOAD.
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39. HEY, ANYBODY
GOT A MAGAZINE?
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40. ZORAK, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
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41. OH, JUST,
UH, DROPPING
THE KIDS OFF
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42. AT THE POOL.
HEH HEH!
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43. YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS.
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44. HEH HEH HEH!
I DO NOW.
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45. UH, WELL,
CONGRATULATIONS?
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46. OH, YEAH! TWINS!
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47. WELL, I AIN'T
GOING TO AMERICA.
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48. THEY EXTRADITE.
MOST UNCOOL.
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49. FINE. ZORAK AND I
WILL GO TO AMERICA,
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50. AND YOU CAN JUST
GO BACK TO RUSSIA!
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51. FINE!
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52. YEAH, B-BUT WAIT.
BEFORE YOU GO,
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53. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU
CAN DO TO MAKE THIS SET
A LITTLE MORE PATRIOTIC?
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54. I AIN'T NO COMMIE.
HUH?
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55. TRY THIS.
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56. OW, OW, OW, OW! DON'T
HIT THE WRONG BUTTON.
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57. THAT PUTS A WEIRD TONE
IN MY HEAD.
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58. HA HA HA! SORRY.
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59. TRY THIS.
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60. YEAH. LOVIN' THIS.
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61. THIS IS JUST
A SHAREWARE DEMO.
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62. IT'LL COST 14 MILLION
TO ACTUALLY INSTALL.
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63. THESE ARE THE COLORS
OF MY FOREFATHERS, MOLTAR,
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64. THE MEN WHO LAID DOWN
THEIR LIVES
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65. SO THAT I CAN HAVE
MY OUTER SPACE TALK SHOW.
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66. I THINK IT'S WORTH IT.
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67. YOU GOT 14 MILLION?
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68. I WAS HOPING
TO SIGN FOR IT.
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69. HA HA HA! NO.
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70. EVERYTHING'S FREE
IN AMERICA, MOLTAR.
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71. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY?
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72. THAT'S RIGHT, ZORAK.
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73. IT'S THE LAND OF THE FREE
AND THE HOME OF THE FREE.
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74. SO I GET
TO GO FREE?
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75. NO. NOW PLAY ME
TO THE DESK,
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76. OR I'M PUTTING YOU
IN THE BOX!
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77. THE BOX?
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78. THAT'S RIGHT—THE BOX.
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79. MOLTAR, GIVE ME JEFF FOXWORTHY
OR GIVE ME DEATH.
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80. UH, DO I GET TO PICK?
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81. YOU WANT TO GO
IN THE BOX, TOO?
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82. NO, NO, NO.
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83. HUH?
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84. HERE'S, UH,
THE REDNECK.
UGLY AMERICAN.
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85. GREETINGS, JEFF.
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86. WELCOME TO AMERICA'S
51st STATE—
GHOSTLAHOMA!
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87. THANKS. NICE TO BE HERE.
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88. THE SPHERICAL STATE.
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89. UH, YEAH.
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90. DO YOU KNOW
WHO I AM?
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91. YEAH. I MEAN,
I'VE SEEN YOU, YOU KNOW,
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92. WHEN I'M FLIPPING CHANNELS
LATE AT NIGHT,
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93. BUT I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN
INTERESTED ENOUGH TO STOP.
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94. I AM UNITED STATES GHOST,
JEFF!
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95. HA HA HA!
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96. AMERICA'S MOST PATRIOTIC
ACTION HERO!
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97. PLEASE RISE AND JOIN ME
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98. IN THE PLEDGE
OF ALLEGIANCE.
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99. I DON'T WANT
TO BE AN AMERICAN.
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100. THEY'LL DISCRIMINATE
AGAINST ME
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101. BECAUSE OF MY...
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102. MY—MY METAL SKIN.
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103. HA HA HA!
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104. WELL, WHO WOULDN'T,
YOU RED OUTCAST?
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105. HEH HEH HEH!
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU!
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106. YOU'RE A GARBAGE CAN
THAT TALKS.
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107. LOOK AT YOU!
HA HA HA!
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108. WERE IT ME, I WOULD NOT
ENTER PUBLIC.
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109. HEH HEH HEH!
HA HA HA!
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110. SHOW OLD LARRY SOME RESPECT
AND TAKE OFF THAT HELMET.
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111. I PLEDGE
ALLEGIANCE...
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112. CAN'T HEAR YOU.
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113. TO THE FLAG...
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114. I TOTALLY CAN'T
HEAR YOU.
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115. I PLEDGE
ALLEGIANCE...
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116. THERE YOU GO.
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117. I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
TO THE FLAG
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118. OF THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA
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119. AND TO THE REPUBLIC
FOR WHICH IT STANDS,
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120. ONE NATION...
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121. ONE NATION...
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122. UNDER GOD...
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123. WITH LIBERTY
AND JUSTICE...
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124. THERE'S
AN "INDIVISIBLE."
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125. INDIVISIBLE.
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126. YEAH. WELL,
I DIDN'T SEE IT.
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127. LET'S SEE. "FOR WHICH IT STANDS,
ONE NATION, UNDER GOD—"
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128. "INDIVISIBLE."
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129. "INDIVISIBLE." RIGHT.
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130. INDIVISIBLE...
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131. WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
BUT ZORAK AND MOLTAR.
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132. PLAY BALL! HA HA HA!
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133. HA HA HA!
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134. HA HA HA!
HELMET ON, MOLTAR.
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135. SO, UH, HOW ABOUT
MY FREEDOM, HUH?
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136. SO, JEFF,
YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE
FINDING THE PLACE?
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137. YEAH. WELL,
IT WAS KIND OF WEIRD.
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138. I WAS COMING DOWN
THE INTERSTATE
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139. AND HIT THE EXIT
GOING PRETTY FAST
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140. AND GOT AIRBORNE,
AND I'M HERE.
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141. GOOD ONE, JEFF. WHAT'D
YOU TAKE, THE MIGHTY
SPACE SHUTTLE?
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142. UH, I DROVE.
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143. YOU DROVE, HUH?
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144. WELL, UH—
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145. LISTEN, JEFF, I DON'T LIKE
WHEN PEOPLE PATRONIZE ME.
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146. MOLTAR, HARVEST HIS SKIN.
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147. RIGHT ON! I WAS HOPING
YOU'D SAY THAT.
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148. HANG ON.
I'LL GET THE PEELER.
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149. Space Ghost: NAH.
I'M JUST KIDDING, JEFF.
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150. ALL RIGHT. I GOT IT.
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151. PUT THE PEELER AWAY,
MOLTAR.
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152. OH, COME ON!
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153. NO, NO.
UNITED STATES GHOST
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154. DOES NOT BELIEVE IN CRUEL
AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT.
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155. IT'LL JUST TAKE
A SECOND, JUST
WHISH WHISH.
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156. MOLTAR!
PUT THE PEELER AWAY,
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157. OR I'M GOING TO
RIP OFF YOUR ARM
AND BEAT YOU WITH IT.
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158. SO, JEFF, WHAT BRINGS
YOU OUT TO OUR—
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159. I HAVE A PICTURE
OF YOU... BUDDY.
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160. GRRR!
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161. UH, UH, SO, JEFF,
WHAT BRINGS YOU
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162. OUT TO OUR NECK
OF THE UNIVERSE?
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163. THIS PARTICULAR TRIP,
I'M JUST OUT HERE
TO DO YOUR SHOW,
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164. AND THEN I'VE GOT TO
GO BACK TO EARTH
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165. AND PICK UP MY KIDS
AT SCHOOL.
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166. ZORAK HAS KIDS.
TWINS, RIGHT?
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167. ZORAK
LOST COUNT.
HEH HEH HEH!
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168. DO YOU EVER GO
INTO THE SCHOOLS
AND TALK TO THE KIDS?
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169. SURE. WHATEVER.
ABOUT?
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170. OH, YOU KNOW,
POLITICS, HORSES...
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171. POLITICS AND HORSES?
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172. ALCOHOLISM...
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173. DO KIDS LIKE YOU?
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174. I'LL BET ZORAK'S KIDS
WOULD LIKE ME.
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175. WELL, COME ON OVER.
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU.
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176. HI, GANG. YOUR DAD
BRING YOU INTO WORK TODAY?
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177. OH.
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178. IT'S THAT
AWKWARD STAGE.
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179. UH-HUH. HEY, CHAMP!
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180. THEY SEEM TO BE
VERY STRONG SWIMMERS.
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181. YOU WANT
TO HOLD ONE?
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182. UH, NO, THANK YOU.
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183. YOU KNOW, KIDS,
YOUR FATHER MIGHT NOT
ALWAYS TELL YOU THIS,
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184. BUT HE LOVES YOU
VERY MUCH.
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185. SAY GOOD-BYE,
KIDS!
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186. ZORAK, NO!
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187. SWIM, KIDS! SWIM!
NO. THE OTHER WAY—
AGAINST THE CURRENT!
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188. HEH HEH HEH!
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189. YOU'RE A BAD FATHER!
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190. YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE
THAT—THAT WORK HERE—
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191. AND I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT
SAY THIS ON THE AIR—
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192. TOLD ME
THAT YOU WEREN'T RIGHT.
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193. WHO SAID THAT,
MOLTAR AND ZORAK?
THEY WORK FOR ME!
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194. I KNOW, I KNOW.
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195. WE ALL KNOW THAT
THEY WORK FOR YOU
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196. BECAUSE YOU BRING THIS UP
EVERY SINGLE WEEK AND—
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197. I DON'T THINK
YOU UNDERSTAND, JEFF.
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198. THEY WORK FOR ME.
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199. I'M FREELANCE!
YOU WORK FOR ME!
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200. YEAH. THERE'S A GUY
THAT COMES AND CUTS
MY GRASS EVERY THURSDAY,
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201. BUT I DON'T MEET HIM
OUT THERE ON THE LAWN
GOING, "YOU WORK FOR ME!"
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202. YEAH. WELL, I HAVE
MY OWN TV SHOW.
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203. LISTEN, LISTEN,
I HAD MY OWN SHOW.
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204. THAT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT IT'S GOOD, OK?
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205. BUT THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN YOUR SHOW
AND MY SHOW
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206. IS THAT MINE
IS STILL ON.
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207. YOU SEE, JEFF, THIS SHOW
IS A SERIOUS PROGRAM
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208. ABOUT SERIOUS ISSUES
THAT FACE SERIOUS
EVERYDAY AMERICANS...
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209. AND THEIR GIANT
PIANO-PLAYING MANTISES.
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210. ZORAK.
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211. NOW, JEFF, YOU CLAIM TO BE
AN AUTHORITY ON... RED NECKS,
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212. YET I NOTICE
THAT YOUR NECK
IS STRANGELY PALE.
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213. WELL, MY DEFINITION
OF REDNECK
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214. HAS ALWAYS BEEN,
"A GLORIOUS ABSENCE
OF SOPHISTICATION."
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215. SO I MIGHT BE
A REDNECK.
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216. WELL, THAT'S THE JOKE.
IT'S IN "YOU MIGHT BE."
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217. BUT I'VE NEVER
SEEN MY NECK.
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218. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO—
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219. HOW DO I KNOW
WHAT COLOR IT IS?
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220. I JUST TOLD YOU.
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221. THE DEFINITION
IS "AN ABSENCE
OF SOPHISTICATION."
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222. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE COLOR
OF SOMEBODY'S NECK.
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223. WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SAY, "YOU KNOW
YOU HAVE AN ABSENCE
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224. OF SOPHISTICATION
WHEN..."?
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225. BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY.
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226. SEE, THAT'S—
THEY'RE JOKES.
I'M A COMEDIAN. THAT'S—
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227. MOLTAR IS RED,
BUT HE DOESN'T
HAVE A NECK.
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228. YOU UNDERSTAND JOKES,
RIGHT?
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229. YEAH.
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230. WHERE ARE WE LOOKING
TO PARK THIS PIG?
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231. DOTHAN.
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232. YEAH? I'M GOING TO
RUN NAKED IN THE
STREETS OF DOTHAN.
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233. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
RUN NAKED—
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234. I'M GOING TO
RUN NAKED IN THE
STREETS OF DOTHAN!
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235. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
RUN NAKED IN THE
STREETS OF DOTHAN!
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236. COME ON! YOU SAID IT
WAS A FREE COUNTRY!
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237. WITH FREEDOM
COMES RESPONSIBILITY.
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238. WITH FREEDOM
COMES NUDITY.
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239. HEY! I'M
AN AMERICAN!
I HAVE RIGHTS!
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240. TELL IT TO THE JUDGE.
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241. JEFF, YOU'RE AN AMERICAN.
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242. WHAT IS IT
WITH YOU AMERICANS
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243. AND YOUR OBSESSION
WITH BARRELS?
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244. I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
I'VE DONE A LOT
OF TALK SHOWS.
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245. THESE ARE
THE STUPIDEST QUESTIONS
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246. THAT I HAVE
EVER BEEN ASKED.
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247. DON'T LOOK AT ME.
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248. DO YOU GUYS DO
ANY RESEARCH OR ANYTHING
ABOUT THE GUEST?
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249. IT JUST—THEY'RE
INSANE QUESTIONS.
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250. NO. I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT'S INSANE—
USING LA—
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251. USING LASER BEAMS
FOR OPTOMETRY.
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252. YOU CALL THAT
PROGRESS? HA!
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253. THAT WOULD MAKE
A PERFECT—
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254. AH, YOUR CULTURE'S
PRIMITIVE.
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255. MOLTAR, PUT JEFF
IN THE BOX.
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256. BUT—
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257. TURBULENCE.
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258. PREPARE... FOR...
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259. TOUCHDOWN!
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260. WHERE ARE WE?
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261. IS THIS IT? IS THIS
WHERE WE'RE GOING?
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262. FINALLY, I'M GETTING
ENOUGH OXYGEN.
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263. JUST LET ME
DO THE TALKING, OK?
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264. I WANT TO GO
TO DOTHAN.
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265. SHUSH!
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266. Space Ghost: YOU BOYS KNOW
ANYONE AT WILLIAM MORRIS?
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267. AN AGENT, YOU MEAN?
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268. YEAH. I ACTUALLY—
WELL, NO.
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269. I ACTUALLY
GOT A GOOD REFERRAL,
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270. BUT, YOU KNOW—WELL,
WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
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271. THEY DON'T RETURN CALLS,
DO THEY?
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272. Space Ghost: I'M SORRY?
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273. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
AND U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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274. CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
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