1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Puh-pew!
Puh-pew-pew-pew-pew!Copy !req
3. Dude, you were right, Cartman.Copy !req
4. Your Uncle Roy has a sweet boat.Copy !req
5. Yeah.
Isn't this fun?Copy !req
6. Just you and me hanging out,
Stan.Copy !req
7. No stupid Kyle around.Copy !req
8. Man, I wish I could
really drive this thing.Copy !req
9. - You know how?
- Sure, I do.Copy !req
10. Well, here.Copy !req
11. Roy keeps the keys
in the glove box.Copy !req
12. Dude, I don't think your
uncle would want us driving it.Copy !req
13. Nobody's gonna know if we drive
it around the marina real quick.Copy !req
14. If anything happens,
I'll take full responsibility.Copy !req
15. Okay.
Turn on the ignition.Copy !req
16. Awesome.Copy !req
17. Okay.Copy !req
18. We're not moving.Copy !req
19. Maybe you have
the parking brake on!Copy !req
20. Boats don't have parking brakes,
dumb-ass.Copy !req
21. They only have...Copy !req
22. Oh, wait, wait.
Neutral button.Copy !req
23. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
24. Other way!
Other way!Copy !req
25. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
26. - BI-bl-bl-bl!
- BI-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
27. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
28. Stan!
Beaver dam!Copy !req
29. Very large beaver dam, Stan!Copy !req
30. Aah!Copy !req
31. Oh, dude.
Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
32. Dude. Stan.
You are in serious trouble.Copy !req
33. You said
you'd take responsibilityCopy !req
34. to your Uncle Roy.Copy !req
35. I don't even have an Uncle Roy!Copy !req
36. That was just some guy's boat
I knew about.Copy !req
37. - What?
- Look. It's okay.Copy !req
38. We weren't here.
This didn't happen, okay?Copy !req
39. We were both at my house
all afternoon longCopy !req
40. playing tea party, okay?Copy !req
41. Now, come on!
We got to bail!Copy !req
42. Oh, God.Copy !req
43. I hope I didn't hurt
any beavers.Copy !req
44. Dude, come on!
We got to get out of here!Copy !req
45. With an eye on America
and all of today's events,Copy !req
46. it's "South Park Evening News,"
with Tom Pusslicker.Copy !req
47. Peril, crisis, and fear tonightCopy !req
48. as what appears to be
a massive floodCopy !req
49. has overtaken the town
of Beaverton, Colorado,Copy !req
50. home of the world's largest
beaver dam.Copy !req
51. Earlier today
a break in the beaver damCopy !req
52. which protected the town
broke open,Copy !req
53. trapping people in their houses
and destroying their lives.Copy !req
54. Oh, my gosh.
Those poor people.Copy !req
55. Tom, I'm currently 10 miles
outside of Beaverton,Copy !req
56. unable to get inside
the town proper.Copy !req
57. We do not have any reports
of fatalities yet,Copy !req
58. but we believe
that the death tollCopy !req
59. may be in the hundreds
of millions.Copy !req
60. Beaverton has only a population
of about 8,000, Tom,Copy !req
61. so this would be
quite devastating.Copy !req
62. Any word on how the
survivors in the town are doing?Copy !req
63. W-We're not sure
what exactly is going onCopy !req
64. inside the town of Beaverton,
uh, Tom,Copy !req
65. but we're reporting
that there's looting, raping,Copy !req
66. and, yes,
even acts of cannibalism.Copy !req
67. My God. You've —
You've actually seen peopleCopy !req
68. looting, raping,
and eating each other?Copy !req
69. No. No, we haven't
actually seen it, Tom.Copy !req
70. We're just reporting it.Copy !req
71. You all done
with your fish sticks, Stan?Copy !req
72. I'll help you, Sharon.Copy !req
73. Boy, that's just awful.Copy !req
74. In the nearby town
of South Park,Copy !req
75. the cause of the Beaverton flood
is being investigated.Copy !req
76. That's right.
We know whose fault this is.Copy !req
77. Uh-oh.Copy !req
78. It's George Bush's fault!Copy !req
79. Yeah!Copy !req
80. George Bush doesn't care
about beavers!Copy !req
81. George Bush didn't break
that beaver dam.Copy !req
82. It was terrorists and al-Qaeda!Copy !req
83. They've been secretly building
beaver-dam WMDs for years now!Copy !req
84. - Yeah! That's right!
- Beaver dam WMDs!Copy !req
85. Mom? Dad?Copy !req
86. T-They're gonna go help
those people, right?Copy !req
87. I don't know.Copy !req
88. You know, to me, it seems like
the mayor of BeavertonCopy !req
89. should have done something
about that dam years ago.Copy !req
90. Don't blame the mayor, Sharon.
What about FEMA?Copy !req
91. I think this whole thing
is really their fault.Copy !req
92. Yeah, but, uh, s-somebody's
gonna help the peopleCopy !req
93. off their —
their rooftops, right?Copy !req
94. That's not important right now,
son.Copy !req
95. What's important is figuring out
whose fault this is.Copy !req
96. Dude — Dude, did you see
the news last night?Copy !req
97. Yeah.Copy !req
98. You saw all those people
trapped on their roofs?Copy !req
99. Yeah.
That was pretty funny.Copy !req
100. Pretty funny?
Dude, we did that!Copy !req
101. That was our fault!Copy !req
102. Hey, hey.
No, dog.Copy !req
103. We aren't the ones
who built a townCopy !req
104. beneath a giant beaver dam,
okay?Copy !req
105. That's their fault!Copy !req
106. But they're trapped now,
and nobody's helping them.Copy !req
107. Well, they should have
gotten out of there.Copy !req
108. Maybe they couldn't get out.Copy !req
109. We did.Copy !req
110. Dude, I-I just —
I don't know what to do here.Copy !req
111. I-I know what you're thinking,
Stan.Copy !req
112. You're thinking
you're gonna go tell Kyle.Copy !req
113. Look, I know you think
he's your best friend,Copy !req
114. but Kyle is a Jew rat.Copy !req
115. He has his Jew ethics, while
he hoards his greedy Jew gold,Copy !req
116. and he will Jew you out
if you tell him about this!Copy !req
117. - Hey, dudes.
- Oh. Hey, Kyle.Copy !req
118. Sorry I couldn't make it
yesterday.Copy !req
119. What did you guys do?Copy !req
120. Nothing.Copy !req
121. Totally.Copy !req
122. Hey, everybody,
they just found outCopy !req
123. what caused the flood
in Beaverton!Copy !req
124. Aw, crap!Copy !req
125. Quiet, children. Quiet.
We need to hear.Copy !req
126. At first, nobody knew
what caused the dam to break.Copy !req
127. But now shocking new evidence
has indicatedCopy !req
128. that the flood in Beaverton
was caused by...Copy !req
129. global warming!Copy !req
130. It now appears that all rumors
of global warming were true.Copy !req
131. We were warned
this would happen, and...Copy !req
132. we didn't listen.Copy !req
133. We didn't listen!Copy !req
134. All the top Colorado geologists
have gatheredCopy !req
135. at the governor's office
for an emergency meeting.Copy !req
136. Ladies and gentlemen,
if global warming has, in fact,Copy !req
137. already caused
the Beaverton flood,Copy !req
138. then this is only the beginning.Copy !req
139. The effects are going to spread.Copy !req
140. What we are looking at is
a global-warming catastropheCopy !req
141. the likes of which
we've never seen.Copy !req
142. - Oh, peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
143. - Peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
144. - Peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
145. E-Excuse me, sir, but when?Copy !req
146. When is this going to happen?Copy !req
147. My colleagues
in the scientific communityCopy !req
148. are still running tests,
but we believe it may happen...Copy !req
149. the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
150. Oh!
Peas and carrots!Copy !req
151. - Peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
152. Uh, excuse me.Copy !req
153. I'm sure we're all
very impressedCopy !req
154. with your wild theories,
Dr., uh, Marsh.Copy !req
155. But the fact is
no statistical proofCopy !req
156. has ever been confirmed
that global warming exists.Copy !req
157. Are you suggesting we shut down
the economy?Copy !req
158. With all due respect,
cliché dissenting Republican,Copy !req
159. the economy isn't going to
matter the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
160. - Peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
161. - Peas and carrots!
- Peas and carrots!Copy !req
162. Listen!
Listen!Copy !req
163. We finished running the tests.Copy !req
164. Global warming
is going to strikeCopy !req
165. two days before
the day after tomorrow.Copy !req
166. Oh, my God.Copy !req
167. That's today!Copy !req
168. We didn't listen!Copy !req
169. Stan! Get in the car!
We have to evacuate!Copy !req
170. We didn't listen!Copy !req
171. Come on.
Come on!Copy !req
172. It's useless.
This traffic isn't moving.Copy !req
173. Dad, isn't it possibleCopy !req
174. the flood wasn't caused
by global warming?Copy !req
175. I-I mean, the water
was held backCopy !req
176. by a giant beaver dam,
after all.Copy !req
177. No, Stan, I'm afraid us adults
just let you children down.Copy !req
178. We didn't take care
of our earth,Copy !req
179. and now you've inherited
our problems!Copy !req
180. We didn't listen!Copy !req
181. We — We didn't listen!Copy !req
182. Come on!Copy !req
183. Everyone grab what you can.
We have to walk.Copy !req
184. Oh, Jesus!
Here it comes!Copy !req
185. Global warming!Copy !req
186. It's coming!
Here comes global warming!Copy !req
187. We didn't listen!Copy !req
188. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
189. BI-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
190. BI-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!Copy !req
191. Come on!
Hurry!Copy !req
192. It's right behind us!Copy !req
193. It's coming the other way!Copy !req
194. Go back!
Go back!Copy !req
195. Everyone into
the community center! Hurry! Go!Copy !req
196. Get inside!
We have to close these doors!Copy !req
197. Aah!Copy !req
198. Come on. We've got to board up
that last window!Copy !req
199. Seal up all the doorways!Copy !req
200. We must try to protect ourselves
from the global warming!Copy !req
201. Mr. Garrison, are you all right?Copy !req
202. I'm in pretty bad shape.Copy !req
203. My leg is broken,
and my left boob is leaking.Copy !req
204. Here you go, sweetheart.Copy !req
205. Mom, you know,
those people in BeavertonCopy !req
206. are still trapped in the flood.Copy !req
207. I know.Copy !req
208. But I'm afraid
it's too late for them, sweetie.Copy !req
209. We have to try
and save ourselves now.Copy !req
210. Shh! Shh! We've got
the television working.Copy !req
211. This is a Fox News update!
Global Warming Disaster!Copy !req
212. Global warming appears
to have struck, as predicted,Copy !req
213. in the Colorado Rockies.Copy !req
214. All around the country,
panic and chaos are settling in.Copy !req
215. Tom, I'm standing
just outside of Chicago,Copy !req
216. where the panic
of global warmingCopy !req
217. has already caused
countless deaths.Copy !req
218. Already we're reporting that
the death toll here in ChicagoCopy !req
219. is over 600 billion people.Copy !req
220. Oh, God.Copy !req
221. This is all your fault, Jimbo!Copy !req
222. - Me?
- Yeah!Copy !req
223. You drive that damn S.U.V.
around!Copy !req
224. You didn't even think about
global warming, did you?Copy !req
225. Can you believe it, Stan?Copy !req
226. I never thought global warming
could happen so fast.Copy !req
227. I guess... I didn't listen.Copy !req
228. Kyle, it...
it isn't global warming.Copy !req
229. Huh?Copy !req
230. Global warming isn't happening
right now.Copy !req
231. It's — It's not what caused
the Beaverton flood.Copy !req
232. How do you know that?Copy !req
233. Because I know what did cause
the flood.Copy !req
234. - George Bush?
- No.Copy !req
235. - Terrorists?
- No.Copy !req
236. - Communists?
- No.Copy !req
237. - Chinese radicals?
- No.Copy !req
238. Cartman?Copy !req
239. Sort of.Copy !req
240. - Cartman flooded Beaverton?
- Shh!Copy !req
241. Not — Not exactly.Copy !req
242. We were messing around
on this guy's new boat,Copy !req
243. and Cartman egged me on, and —Copy !req
244. and I crashed it
into the Beaverton dam.Copy !req
245. Dude, you have to tell everyone
right now!Copy !req
246. Hey, Stan.Copy !req
247. Oh, God damn it!
You told Kyle, didn't you?Copy !req
248. Stan, people in Beaverton are
still trapped on their roofs.Copy !req
249. Nobody's helping because they
think they can't go outside.Copy !req
250. Oh, here we go.
See? I told you.Copy !req
251. If you're so caring, Kyle,Copy !req
252. why don't you share
some of your Jew goldCopy !req
253. with the people
caught in the flood?Copy !req
254. Look, maybe —
maybe we can helpCopy !req
255. those people
in Beaverton ourselves.Copy !req
256. - How?
- Why?Copy !req
257. We can sneak out of here,
get a boat,Copy !req
258. and go help them
off their roofs.Copy !req
259. That way I can do the right
thing, but still lie about it.Copy !req
260. Listen!
Listen, everyone!Copy !req
261. Nobody can leave this building.Copy !req
262. But we need supplies —
food, silicone.Copy !req
263. You go outside, and you'll die.Copy !req
264. By now the global warming
has shifted the climate,Copy !req
265. bringing on a new ice age.Copy !req
266. Within the hour,
the temperature outsideCopy !req
267. will fall to over
70 million degrees below zero.Copy !req
268. Jesus.Copy !req
269. All we can do is try to
wait it out as long as we can.Copy !req
270. And... the rest of the country?Copy !req
271. Everyone below this lineCopy !req
272. will have to be evacuated
to the South.Copy !req
273. Everyone above this line
is already dead.Copy !req
274. People like us,
in the middle states,Copy !req
275. have to ride it out.Copy !req
276. The balmy Southwestern states
might have a chance,Copy !req
277. but New York will have
tidal wavesCopy !req
278. that envelop
all of the Northeast.Copy !req
279. What, Frank?Copy !req
280. Oh!
Oh, God damn it.Copy !req
281. Hello?Copy !req
282. Anybody?Copy !req
283. We'd like to be rescued, please!Copy !req
284. Any day now.Copy !req
285. Why haven't they come for us?Copy !req
286. I-I don't know.Copy !req
287. Wait! Look!
Here comes a boat!Copy !req
288. Really?
Oh, it's about time!Copy !req
289. Oh, Kevin!
We're saved!Copy !req
290. It looks like three little boys.Copy !req
291. Hey, we'll take it!
Over here! Yes!Copy !req
292. Thank you!
Thank you!Copy !req
293. Oh, thanks.
Thanks.Copy !req
294. That's a lot better.Copy !req
295. We can't get out!
The flames are too big!Copy !req
296. Oh, great.
You see, Stan?Copy !req
297. This is what you get
for listening to Kyle.Copy !req
298. "Oh, you got to help
those people.Copy !req
299. It's your responsibility."Copy !req
300. Stan, it's over.Copy !req
301. You have to admit what you did
so our parents can help us.Copy !req
302. Stan?Copy !req
303. Stan?Copy !req
304. Randy, we've looked everywhere!
Kyle's missing, too!Copy !req
305. Oh, my God!
Where would they go?Copy !req
306. Randy! Randy!
Your son's on the phone.Copy !req
307. Stan?Copy !req
308. Uh, hey, Dad.Copy !req
309. Stan, you're alive!Copy !req
310. Dad, we're —
we're trapped in Beaverton.Copy !req
311. We — We were trying
to save everyone.Copy !req
312. Stan, listen to me.
You must stay indoors.Copy !req
313. Do not try to go out.Copy !req
314. Global warming has brought in
a new ice age!Copy !req
315. No. Dad, listen.
I need to tell you something.Copy !req
316. What is it, son?Copy !req
317. Nothing.Copy !req
318. Can you just come get us,
please?Copy !req
319. You just stay put, son!
I'm coming for you!Copy !req
320. Do you hear me?
I'm coming for you!Copy !req
321. Randy, w-where are you going?Copy !req
322. I'm going to Beaverton.Copy !req
323. You can't go out there.
You'll freeze to death!Copy !req
324. My son is counting on me.Copy !req
325. I'm going with you.Copy !req
326. You can't go out there.
You'll freeze to death!Copy !req
327. You can't do this alone!Copy !req
328. Let me go, too.Copy !req
329. You can't go out there.
You'll freeze to death.Copy !req
330. All right.
Come on, both of you.Copy !req
331. We've got to pull togetherCopy !req
332. every warm piece of clothing
we can find.Copy !req
333. Steven!Copy !req
334. Steven, you have to keep moving!Copy !req
335. I can't go on.Copy !req
336. Feel so... hot!Copy !req
337. Feeling warmth is a symptom of
the last stages of hypothermia!Copy !req
338. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
339. I feel warm, too!Copy !req
340. Yeah, me too.Copy !req
341. Steven!
We've got to keep moving!Copy !req
342. We're in deep hypothermia,
all of us!Copy !req
343. We've got to keep
the blood flowing!Copy !req
344. Maybe we should
strip these jackets offCopy !req
345. a-and warm our bodies
next to each other!Copy !req
346. Don't be a fag!Copy !req
347. Come on!
We can make it!Copy !req
348. We have to try!Copy !req
349. Come on, people.
We're running out of time.Copy !req
350. We need all Army helicoptersCopy !req
351. to the Southern states
for evacuation now!Copy !req
352. Sir, more people in Beaverton
are calling.Copy !req
353. They say they're trapped
in floods and fire now.Copy !req
354. Tell them that the government
can't help them,Copy !req
355. but that we're very sorry.Copy !req
356. You know the plan, people.Copy !req
357. We can only evacuate citizens
below this line.Copy !req
358. E-Excuse me, General.
- What?Copy !req
359. We've just compiled
some new information.Copy !req
360. The flood in Beaverton
wasn't causedCopy !req
361. by global warming after all.Copy !req
362. What?Copy !req
363. We know the truth now.
We know what caused it.Copy !req
364. Oh, my God.Copy !req
365. Quick!
Radio the helicopters!Copy !req
366. Help!
Help!Copy !req
367. Dude, this whole building
is going to collapse!Copy !req
368. We have to find a way out!Copy !req
369. Don't worry, everyone.Copy !req
370. The government is here
to save you.Copy !req
371. Oh, wow.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
372. What a swift and speedy rescue.Copy !req
373. Come on!
We got to get to the roof!Copy !req
374. Oh, Jesus!
We have to hurry!Copy !req
375. I-It's helicopters!Copy !req
376. They finally came
to help everyone!Copy !req
377. Not so fast, Kyle.Copy !req
378. What are you doing?Copy !req
379. Hand over the gold.Copy !req
380. What gold?Copy !req
381. You know what I'm talking about!Copy !req
382. No, Cartman, I have no idea
what you're talking about.Copy !req
383. All Jews carry gold in
a little bag around their necks.Copy !req
384. - Hand it over!
- Guys, come on!Copy !req
385. Jews do not carry gold
in a little bagCopy !req
386. around their necks, Cartman.Copy !req
387. Stop playing around!Copy !req
388. I'm not playing around, Kyle.Copy !req
389. If we survive this, I don't
intend to live in poverty.Copy !req
390. Give me your Jew gold now!Copy !req
391. Dude, we don't have time
for your stupid jokes.Copy !req
392. We're gonna die!Copy !req
393. Yes, but you can live
if you give me your Jew gold.Copy !req
394. The decision is yours, Kyle.Copy !req
395. God damn it,
you know I don't carry goldCopy !req
396. in a little bag around my neck,
Cartman!Copy !req
397. What do you want from me?Copy !req
398. I want your Jew gold.Copy !req
399. Okay. Fine.
Here!Copy !req
400. Now let's go!Copy !req
401. Do you think I'm stupid?Copy !req
402. I know all Jews carry fake bags
of gold around their necksCopy !req
403. to keep the real bags of gold
around their necks safe.Copy !req
404. Hand over the real Jew gold,
Kyle!Copy !req
405. No!
No-o-o!Copy !req
406. Hey!
Wait up, you assholes!Copy !req
407. God!Copy !req
408. Hey! Look, everybody!
Helicopters!Copy !req
409. T-They've got the boys!Copy !req
410. Global warming must be over.Copy !req
411. We made it!Copy !req
412. Stanley!Copy !req
413. Kyle!Copy !req
414. Stan?Copy !req
415. We found Stan!Copy !req
416. So does — does this mean
the storm has passed?Copy !req
417. Global warming's over?Copy !req
418. Global warming didn't cause
the Beaverton flood.Copy !req
419. We know now whose fault it is.Copy !req
420. It was... crab people.Copy !req
421. Oh!Copy !req
422. First it was terrorists, then
George Bush and global warming,Copy !req
423. and now you're all blaming
crab peopleCopy !req
424. for something
that's very simple.Copy !req
425. It's my fault.
I broke the dam.Copy !req
426. Aw, man.Copy !req
427. Stanley, you?Copy !req
428. No.Copy !req
429. Don't you see
what this child is saying?Copy !req
430. We can't spend all our energy
placing blameCopy !req
431. when something bad happens.Copy !req
432. He's saying
we all broke the dam.Copy !req
433. No.
I broke the dam.Copy !req
434. I broke the dam.Copy !req
435. I broke the dam.Copy !req
436. I broke the dam.Copy !req
437. No, I broke the dam.Copy !req
438. And I broke the dam.Copy !req
439. I broke the dam.Copy !req
440. I broke the dam.Copy !req
441. I broke the dam.Copy !req
442. I broke the dam.Copy !req
443. I broke the dam.Copy !req
444. I ran a boat into the dam,
and I broke it.Copy !req
445. I broke the dam.Copy !req
446. I broke the dam.Copy !req
447. I broke the dam.Copy !req
448. I broke the dam.Copy !req
449. No! I broke the fucking dam!Copy !req
450. I broke the dam.Copy !req
451. I broke the dam.Copy !req
452. I literally broke the dam!Copy !req
453. I broke the dam.Copy !req
454. I broke the dam.Copy !req
455. On a boat that wasn't mine!Copy !req
456. I broke the dam.Copy !req
457. I broke the dam.Copy !req
458. I kept it secret for two days!Copy !req
459. I broke the dam.Copy !req
460. I broke the dam.Copy !req
461. The boat caught on fire,
and it exploded!Copy !req
462. I broke the dam.Copy !req
463. I broke the dam.Copy !req
464. Oh fuck it!Copy !req