1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. This is it, Stan.Copy !req
3. If you strike this kid out,
we all get to go home.Copy !req
4. Now batting for Conifer
is little Allen Vargas.Copy !req
5. Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter!Copy !req
6. No hit, no hit!
Can't hit it, can't hit it!Copy !req
7. Can't hit it, can't hit it,
can't hit it!Copy !req
8. Hit it out of the park, Allen!Copy !req
9. South Park sucks!Copy !req
10. Just look at those boys
out thereCopy !req
11. loving the great game
of baseballCopy !req
12. like we did when we were kids.Copy !req
13. Oh, God.
I'm so bored!Copy !req
14. Strike.Copy !req
15. That was no strike.Copy !req
16. What the hell is wrong with you,
ump?Copy !req
17. Good call, ump.
Good call.Copy !req
18. Come on, Allen!
This pitcher throws like a girl!Copy !req
19. - What'd you say?
- You heard me, asshole!Copy !req
20. You want me to kick your ass
right here?Copy !req
21. Randy, sit down.Copy !req
22. You want a piece of me?Copy !req
23. 'Cause I'm pretty sick
of your goddamn mouth.Copy !req
24. What do you want to do, huh?
What do you want to do?Copy !req
25. Randy, don't.Copy !req
26. You better shut up, asshole!Copy !req
27. I'm standin' right here.
How do you want to handle it?Copy !req
28. I told you to shut up!Copy !req
29. Oh, Jesus.
Not again.Copy !req
30. Come on, Stan.Copy !req
31. Just strike this kid out
so we can end the season.Copy !req
32. Strike three!
You're out!Copy !req
33. Yes! It's over!
It's over!Copy !req
34. That's it.
South Park wins the game 4-0.Copy !req
35. We're done!
No more baseball!Copy !req
36. No more boring baseball
until next year!Copy !req
37. We can start having fun again!Copy !req
38. Yeah! We did it!
We did it!Copy !req
39. Yeah! We did it, boys!
We did it!Copy !req
40. We're going to the finals!
Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
41. What?Copy !req
42. We won. That means we've got
the best record in the division.Copy !req
43. Congratulations, boys.Copy !req
44. You're going on
to the postseason.Copy !req
45. - Whoo-hoo!
- Postseason?Copy !req
46. Nobody said anything
about a postseason.Copy !req
47. There's more Little League
baseball for South Park!Copy !req
48. Yeah!Copy !req
49. No.Copy !req
50. No-o-o!Copy !req
51. This is for what?Copy !req
52. Arresting me for what?Copy !req
53. I'm not allowed to stand up
for myself?Copy !req
54. I thought this was America!Copy !req
55. Huh?
Isn't this America?Copy !req
56. I'm sorry.
I thought this was America.Copy !req
57. I can't believe it.Copy !req
58. I can't believe
we have to keep playing.Copy !req
59. Nobody told us
if we won too many gamesCopy !req
60. we'd go on to the finals.Copy !req
61. Look, you guys,
maybe it's not all that bad.Copy !req
62. Not all that bad?
How can you say that?Copy !req
63. You hate this game
more than any of us.Copy !req
64. I know, but listen.Copy !req
65. The finals are all
sudden-death elimination.Copy !req
66. That means as soon as we lose
one game, our season is over.Copy !req
67. Well, yeah,
but... we usually win.Copy !req
68. All the other teams
are worse than us.Copy !req
69. Yeah. Let's face it —
We're winners.Copy !req
70. - I know we can lose if we try.
- You mean throw the game?Copy !req
71. You know how our parents are
about this sport.Copy !req
72. Yeah, my dad always said,
"It's okay to lose,Copy !req
73. but if you don't try,
you're grounded, mister."Copy !req
74. - Yeah.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
75. Okay, so then we'll just tell
the other team quietlyCopy !req
76. that we're gonna let them win
and then act like we're trying.Copy !req
77. Our parents will never know.Copy !req
78. We better hope they never know,Copy !req
79. or else there's going to be
heck to pay.Copy !req
80. Heck, I tell ya!Copy !req
81. Cheers!Copy !req
82. Boy, that was great, wasn't it?Copy !req
83. Yeah. Our boys really
stuck it to 'em.Copy !req
84. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
85. - All right!
- Hey!Copy !req
86. Hey!Copy !req
87. - You're out.
- How much was bail this time?Copy !req
88. Hundred bucks.
No big whoop.Copy !req
89. Boy, you really beat the crap
out of that Conifer dad.Copy !req
90. Somebody had to put
that knucklehead in his place.Copy !req
91. Yeah. Well, you'd better
watch yourself in the playoffs.Copy !req
92. W-What do you mean?Copy !req
93. I mean you always get
into fightsCopy !req
94. with scrappy redneck dads
up here in the mountains,Copy !req
95. but some of those
Division-II dads are tough.Copy !req
96. Yeah. Those dads get
really drunk and obnoxious.Copy !req
97. I can fight anybody.
I just need to train.Copy !req
98. I just... need to get
in the best shape of my life.Copy !req
99. The Beatles, from the White
Album, with "Helter Skelter."Copy !req
100. Okay —Copy !req
101. We want to welcome
all South Park parentsCopy !req
102. to Fort CollinsCopy !req
103. and the Little League
Division-I playoffs.Copy !req
104. Uh, hey, guys, look.
We don't want to win.Copy !req
105. So, uh, here's a listCopy !req
106. of all the pitches
I'm gonna throw, in order.Copy !req
107. Ooh!Copy !req
108. I don't think so, South Park.Copy !req
109. Yeah.
You think we want to win?Copy !req
110. Then we have to keep playing
this boring game.Copy !req
111. - Yeah!
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
112. You hate this game, too?Copy !req
113. Yeah, and then we won
the stupid regionalsCopy !req
114. and had to do this
lousy-ass tournament.Copy !req
115. We want to play video games.Copy !req
116. Oh, no!Copy !req
117. Look, we're gonna be
the losers tonight, all right?Copy !req
118. I don't think so.Copy !req
119. There's no way you can lose
to us.Copy !req
120. We're going do-o-wn.
We're gonna get cre-e-amed!Copy !req
121. No.
We're gonna get creamed!Copy !req
122. We'll just see about that.Copy !req
123. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!Copy !req
124. Oh, boy.Copy !req
125. They're really gettin'
in each other's heads out there.Copy !req
126. Yeah!
Let's go, South Park!Copy !req
127. These Fort Collins kids
got nothin'!Copy !req
128. Whoo!Copy !req
129. Come on, Fort Collins!
Let 'em have it! Yeah!Copy !req
130. Guess that's my guy.Copy !req
131. I can take him.
No problem.Copy !req
132. All right.
Hit one out of the park.Copy !req
133. And first up for Fort Collins
is Morgan Pratt.Copy !req
134. Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter!Copy !req
135. Hey, batter,
batter, batter!Copy !req
136. Knock it out of the park,
Morgan!Copy !req
137. Cream these turds!Copy !req
138. Strike!Copy !req
139. Yeah!Copy !req
140. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
141. - All right!
- Damn it!Copy !req
142. Come on, kid.
You got to at least swing at it.Copy !req
143. No way.
I'm striking out.Copy !req
144. Dude, he's not gonna swing,
so just throw balls.Copy !req
145. That way he'll have to walk
to first base.Copy !req
146. Ball!Copy !req
147. All right!Copy !req
148. Morgan.Copy !req
149. What?Copy !req
150. You have to swing
when it's a ball.Copy !req
151. Otherwise you're gonna walk
to first base.Copy !req
152. Don't swing
only if it's a strike.Copy !req
153. Well, how the Sam Hill
am I supposed to knowCopy !req
154. if he's gonna be throwing
a strike or a ball?Copy !req
155. You just have to guess.Copy !req
156. Aw, Jesus.Copy !req
157. Ball.
Ball.Copy !req
158. Strike two!Copy !req
159. No!Copy !req
160. That was no strike!
That was a terrible pitch!Copy !req
161. You need some
goddamn Lasik surgery!Copy !req
162. Thataway, South Park!
They ain't swingin' at nothin'!Copy !req
163. Come on, Fort Collins!
This team can't pitch!Copy !req
164. There you go, Morgan!
Run, run, run!Copy !req
165. Aw, damn it.Copy !req
166. Why the hell
did you swing at it?Copy !req
167. I thought he was gonna throw
a ball that time!Copy !req
168. Strike three!
You're out!Copy !req
169. All right!Copy !req
170. - Ball four!
- What?Copy !req
171. Aw, God damn it.Copy !req
172. Safe!Copy !req
173. Fort Collins can't play!Copy !req
174. Why don't you shut your mouth
before I kick your ass?Copy !req
175. Come on! Let's go!
I'm right here.Copy !req
176. Randy.Copy !req
177. Sit down before you get hurt.Copy !req
178. Mother —Copy !req
179. Strike three!
You're out!Copy !req
180. That's it.
South Park wins the game.Copy !req
181. Aw, spit!Copy !req
182. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
183. I thought I was —
I thought I was in America.Copy !req
184. I'm sorry.Copy !req
185. Strike three!
You're out!Copy !req
186. Yeah!Copy !req
187. God damn it, Brian!
Swing!Copy !req
188. Greeley sucks!
Greeley sucks!Copy !req
189. Ball four!Copy !req
190. Aw, hamburgers.Copy !req
191. Strike three!Copy !req
192. How the hell
was that a strike?Copy !req
193. God damn it!
He should be going to first!Copy !req
194. Is this a communist
country or something?Copy !req
195. I thought this was America!Copy !req
196. ¡Strike tres!Copy !req
197. - ¡Bueno!
- ¡Fantástico!Copy !req
198. ¡Vámonos, Pueblo!
¡Viva la Pueblo!Copy !req
199. ¡Pueblo no bueno!
¡Pueblo es muy mal!Copy !req
200. Ball cuatro, por favor.Copy !req
201. This is America.Copy !req
202. I'm sorry.
It was America.Copy !req
203. Can you believe it, boys?Copy !req
204. We're playing in
the state championship game!Copy !req
205. We're so proud of you kids.Copy !req
206. What happens if we win
the state championship game?Copy !req
207. Well, then your
whole season starts over,Copy !req
208. but on the national circuit.Copy !req
209. You get to spend your
whole summer playing baseball!Copy !req
210. - What?
- You can do it, kids!Copy !req
211. We know you can win state!Copy !req
212. Then we'll spend
the whole summerCopy !req
213. going to Nebraska and Iowa
and Wyoming.Copy !req
214. Oh, no.
No, no, no!Copy !req
215. Dad.
Dad, we need to talk.Copy !req
216. Can you believe it, Stan?Copy !req
217. The state championship game.Copy !req
218. It's... the greatest thing ever.Copy !req
219. God damn it.Copy !req
220. I worked hard,
believed in myself,Copy !req
221. and now I'm gonna be fighting
in the state championship game.Copy !req
222. This is gonna be
the biggest fight of my life.Copy !req
223. This is "News 4 at Noon."Copy !req
224. The Colorado Little League
state championshipCopy !req
225. is being played this week.Copy !req
226. Two teams of youngsters
get to go head-to-headCopy !req
227. at the Major League stadium
downtown.Copy !req
228. Tom, I'm standing here
with the little sluggersCopy !req
229. and some of their parents,Copy !req
230. and I can't tell you
how excited they are.Copy !req
231. I don't suppose you guys
want to win this game?Copy !req
232. Win? Why the hell
would we want to win?Copy !req
233. Yeah. Then we'd have to play
this boring game all summer.Copy !req
234. Little Stan Marsh is the pitcherCopy !req
235. for the South Park
Little League team.Copy !req
236. Stan, how does it feel
to be playingCopy !req
237. for the state championship?Copy !req
238. Gay.Copy !req
239. Mr. Marsh, you must be
very proud of your son.Copy !req
240. They've worked really hard
to get here, Chris.Copy !req
241. You know, I don't like
to really "trash-talk,"Copy !req
242. but I don't think Denver has
a chance.Copy !req
243. Oh! Well, I'm sure some of
the Denver kids' parentsCopy !req
244. would disagree with you —Copy !req
245. Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
246. South Park is goin' down!Copy !req
247. Feel it comin'!Copy !req
248. You ain't got a chance,
South Park!Copy !req
249. Here we go, Denver, here we go!Copy !req
250. Huh! Huh!Copy !req
251. Who is that?Copy !req
252. That's Tom Nelson, one of
the Denver players' fathers.Copy !req
253. He goes to every game
in that ridiculous outfitCopy !req
254. and usually drinks too much
and gets into a fight.Copy !req
255. There ain't no way
some little mountain kidsCopy !req
256. can beat Denver!Copy !req
257. Not with my son on second base!Copy !req
258. Oh, looks like we got some
parental trash-talking going on.Copy !req
259. Mr. Marsh, any comment?Copy !req
260. Well, I think
that there's a, uh —Copy !req
261. Mr. Marsh?Copy !req
262. Who wants to hear
from a Mr. Marsh?Copy !req
263. I am the ultimate Little League
trash-talking father!Copy !req
264. I am the Bat Dad!Copy !req
265. All right, Mr. Nelson.
Let's go. Come on.Copy !req
266. Bat Dad knows no fear!
Bat Dad knows no pain!Copy !req
267. I want you, Marsh!
I want you!Copy !req
268. Well, tension is
certainly high here,Copy !req
269. but I guess everything will be
decided on the playing field.Copy !req
270. Oh, my... God.Copy !req
271. Good luck.
You're gonna need it.Copy !req
272. Yeah. You can't lose to us.
We're terrible.Copy !req
273. Dude, what are we gonna do?
We can't win this game.Copy !req
274. Wait.
I've got it, you guys.Copy !req
275. At this point in a sports movie,
the team always goes outCopy !req
276. and finds a really sweet player
to join their team.Copy !req
277. Like that motorcycle kid
in "Bad News Bears."Copy !req
278. Exactly right, Clyde.Copy !req
279. So what we need is to find
somebody to join our teamCopy !req
280. who totally sucks ass.Copy !req
281. Hey, yeah.Copy !req
282. We need to find
the very worst kid athleteCopy !req
283. in the whole world,
somebody who can't possibly win.Copy !req
284. But who?Copy !req
285. I know who.Copy !req
286. Announcing the arrival of
flight 673 from New York City.Copy !req
287. I'm ba-a-a-ck!Copy !req
288. There he is.Copy !req
289. Don't let him know
we think he's a loser,Copy !req
290. or else he won't play.Copy !req
291. Hello, cousin Kyle.Copy !req
292. Oh, Jesus.
That flight was terrible.Copy !req
293. They served a chicken dish with
hot sauce, and it gave me gas.Copy !req
294. Dude, thanks for helping us out
by joining our team.Copy !req
295. Well, you said you needed
my help to win the big game,Copy !req
296. so here I am.Copy !req
297. I'll need a wipe cloth
if I'm gonna play, though.Copy !req
298. Sometimes I sweat from holding
the bat for so long,Copy !req
299. and then the heat
steams up my glasses.Copy !req
300. - He's perfect.
- Yeah.Copy !req
301. With him on our team,
we don't stand a chance.Copy !req
302. I'm not gonna go.Copy !req
303. What?Copy !req
304. Stan's Little League game.Copy !req
305. I'm — I'm not gonna go.Copy !req
306. Why?Copy !req
307. I just... don't think I can,
all right?Copy !req
308. You don't think you can?Copy !req
309. This is the biggest game
of your son's life.Copy !req
310. Why wouldn't you go
and support him with —Copy !req
311. Because I'm scared, all right?Copy !req
312. You want to break me down?
You want to hear me to say it?Copy !req
313. I'm scared!Copy !req
314. I don't know if I believe
in myself anymore.Copy !req
315. I don't know if I can take
this guy, Sharon.Copy !req
316. So then don't.Copy !req
317. You don't have to get in fights
with other parentsCopy !req
318. at Little League games.Copy !req
319. Just sit there and watch.Copy !req
320. Look, I get
what you're trying to do.Copy !req
321. You're trying to get me to
realize that I have to fight himCopy !req
322. because it's who I am.Copy !req
323. No, I'm telling you you don't
have to get thrown out of gamesCopy !req
324. and make an ass of yourself!Copy !req
325. I've lost the edge.Copy !req
326. I'm sorry, Sharon,Copy !req
327. but you have to take Stan
to his Little League game alone.Copy !req
328. Welcome to
the Colorado Little LeagueCopy !req
329. state championship game.Copy !req
330. This must be pretty exciting
for these youngsters —Copy !req
331. a chance to go
to the national circuit.Copy !req
332. You know what these guys
look like to me?Copy !req
333. A bunch of winners.Copy !req
334. Yeah. We're about to get
our asses kicked.Copy !req
335. I don't think so.
You guys are way too good.Copy !req
336. You're the best at this game.Copy !req
337. You're the best.Copy !req
338. You guys are so goodCopy !req
339. you'll probably go all the way
to win the national title.Copy !req
340. Not a chance, 'cause we're
gonna lose to you right now!Copy !req
341. Here we go, Denver!Copy !req
342. These South Park kids
got nothing on you!Copy !req
343. Let's go, Denver!Copy !req
344. Chris, will you sit down?Copy !req
345. First up to bat for South Park,
Kyle Schwartz.Copy !req
346. Where do I stand?Copy !req
347. Right over here.Copy !req
348. Don't throw the ball too fast,Copy !req
349. because I may get startled,
and I have asthma.Copy !req
350. Strike one!Copy !req
351. - Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
352. Jesus!
Not so close!Copy !req
353. That was three feet away
from hitting me in the head!Copy !req
354. He's not gonna swing!
Throw balls!Copy !req
355. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
356. Strike two!Copy !req
357. Yeah!Copy !req
358. Wow!
He is great at sucking.Copy !req
359. We're gonna lose!
We're gonna lose!Copy !req
360. Don't throw it so hard
or so close next time.Copy !req
361. Is it cold out here?
I think I need a jacket.Copy !req
362. It's a bunt!Copy !req
363. Run, kid, run!Copy !req
364. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
365. Aw, crap!Copy !req
366. I can't — I can't keep
running like this.Copy !req
367. I have corns in my feet.Copy !req
368. Keep running, kid!Copy !req
369. Throw the ball to third,
you idiots!Copy !req
370. He's running home!Copy !req
371. Safe!Copy !req
372. Oh, Jesus!
Did you see that?Copy !req
373. I hit a home run!Copy !req
374. High five, everybody!Copy !req
375. Oh, my God.Copy !req
376. Their pitcher was able
to hit him right on the bat.Copy !req
377. Dude, we had it all wrong.Copy !req
378. While we spent all our time
trying to make our team suck,Copy !req
379. these guys practiced
and got really good at sucking.Copy !req
380. No!Copy !req
381. Yeah!
Go, Token, go!Copy !req
382. All right, Denver!
You're up to bat now!Copy !req
383. Out!Copy !req
384. - Yay!
- Yay!Copy !req
385. Jesus Christ!
They can bat themselves out!Copy !req
386. Our whole summer, dude.Copy !req
387. We have to play this boring game
all summer long.Copy !req
388. Son of a biscuit!Copy !req
389. It's the bottom of the last
inning here at Coors Field.Copy !req
390. The score is South Park 23,
Denver 0.Copy !req
391. Strike one!Copy !req
392. Come on, Denver!
Get the lead out!Copy !req
393. Do not cross the Bat Dad!Copy !req
394. Geez, I really wish
this guy would shut up.Copy !req
395. Why don't you just go home,
South Park?Copy !req
396. You can't beat Denver!Copy !req
397. Denver sucks ass.Copy !req
398. Come on, South Park!
These kids can't play!Copy !req
399. In fact,
these kids are terrible.Copy !req
400. Strike two!Copy !req
401. Oh, Jesus!
We're gonna win!Copy !req
402. I-I've never won a sport before.
This is so exciting.Copy !req
403. It's over, Denver.
South Park whupped your ass.Copy !req
404. You better shut your mouth
before I shut it for you!Copy !req
405. What do you want to do, huh?Copy !req
406. Aah!Copy !req
407. This can't get any worse.Copy !req
408. Now for the finishing move!Copy !req
409. You're about to be
Bat-Dadded!Copy !req
410. It all comes down to this.Copy !req
411. South Park
is just one pitch awayCopy !req
412. from being state champions.Copy !req
413. Oh, geez. It looks like
two parents are fighting.Copy !req
414. They'd better be careful.Copy !req
415. The Little League has
a no-tolerance policy.Copy !req
416. Stop!Copy !req
417. Stop or you're gonna get
your teams disqualified!Copy !req
418. Disqualified?Copy !req
419. Fight!
Keep fighting!Copy !req
420. Break it up!
Break it up!Copy !req
421. That's enough!Copy !req
422. The next person that fights is
getting his team disqualified.Copy !req
423. He's done for anyway.Copy !req
424. Come on, Dad. Get up.Copy !req
425. Get up!
You have to fight!Copy !req
426. All right. Come on.
Let's play ball.Copy !req
427. Randy! Randy! Randy!Copy !req
428. Get up, Rock!Copy !req
429. Get up, ya bum!Copy !req
430. Get up, Randy!
Fight! Fight for me!Copy !req
431. Randy! Randy! Randy!Copy !req
432. Randy! Randy! Randy!Copy !req
433. Randy! Randy! Randy!Copy !req
434. Hey, Bat Dad.Copy !req
435. I didn't hear no bell.Copy !req
436. Yeah!Copy !req
437. Stop!
Stop right now!Copy !req
438. I'm warning you, sir.Copy !req
439. That's it! That's it!
South Park is disqualified!Copy !req
440. Yeah!Copy !req
441. Aww!Copy !req
442. South Park has been disqualified
from the game.Copy !req
443. Denver wins!Copy !req
444. Aww!Copy !req
445. We — We lost?Copy !req
446. What? What?
I thought it was a free country!Copy !req
447. Dad!Copy !req
448. You're the greatest.Copy !req