1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Hello, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
3. I'm Dr. Biber.Copy !req
4. I'll be performing your surgery
today.Copy !req
5. God bless you, Doctor.Copy !req
6. I know you'll make me well
again.Copy !req
7. Now, you're absolutely sure
you want to have a vaginoplasty?Copy !req
8. My whole life, I've been a woman
trapped in a man's body.Copy !req
9. A sex-change operation
is my last chance at happiness.Copy !req
10. All right.
Then let's begin.Copy !req
11. Just relax, Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
12. I think if more people could
just see a sex-change operation,Copy !req
13. they would know
how perfectly natural it is.Copy !req
14. The first thing I'm going to do
is slice your balls.Copy !req
15. With the scrotum open, I can now
discard of your testicles.Copy !req
16. So long, balls.Copy !req
17. Now I'll just continue
the incisionCopy !req
18. up the shaft of the penis.Copy !req
19. Oh, that stings.Copy !req
20. Now I'll just turn your penis
inside out.Copy !req
21. Whoa. Oh, geez.Copy !req
22. All we need to do now
is stuff the unskinned penisCopy !req
23. inside your pelvis.Copy !req
24. And now I'll use the skin
from your penisCopy !req
25. to make the vaginal lips.Copy !req
26. Do I look like a woman?Copy !req
27. Pretty much.Copy !req
28. Dude, don't be nervous.Copy !req
29. How can I not be nervous?Copy !req
30. Trying out
for the all-state teamCopy !req
31. has been my dream for years.Copy !req
32. You're the best player
at our school.Copy !req
33. You'll make the team for sure.Copy !req
34. This is ridiculous.
Jews can't play basketball.Copy !req
35. I beat out your fat ass,
Cartman!Copy !req
36. All students trying out for the
all-state team to center court!Copy !req
37. Good luck.Copy !req
38. Hi, boys.Copy !req
39. Now, you're all here because
you're the best of the best.Copy !req
40. I know that you've all worked
really hard to make it this far.Copy !req
41. Now let's get out there
and show me what you got!Copy !req
42. Uh, excuse me.
B-Broflovski, is it?Copy !req
43. Yeah?Copy !req
44. Can we talk to you
for a minute?Copy !req
45. You, uh, you're the best player
in your school, are you?Copy !req
46. Yep!
I love basketball.Copy !req
47. I want to play
for the Denver Nuggets someday!Copy !req
48. Yeah.
Uh, look, kid.Copy !req
49. You've got great skills
and a great attitude,Copy !req
50. but you're just not
physically built for the game.Copy !req
51. What do you mean?Copy !req
52. Well, it's just that...
Jews can't play basketball.Copy !req
53. All right, kids!Copy !req
54. We got to work on that shooting!
Come on!Copy !req
55. Dude, you were awesome, Kyle.Copy !req
56. Look, y-you gave it
your best shot, right?Copy !req
57. That's all you could do.Copy !req
58. Kyle, I'm totally ripping on you
at a totally inappropriate time.Copy !req
59. I know.
I deserve it.Copy !req
60. Yeah.
You know why?Copy !req
61. Because Jews can't
play basketball!Copy !req
62. You're right.Copy !req
63. Jesus.
That's no fun.Copy !req
64. Hey, everybody,
you're not gonna believe it!Copy !req
65. Believe what?Copy !req
66. It's Mr. Garrison!
O-Only it isn't Mr. Garrison!Copy !req
67. H-He's a woman now!Copy !req
68. Hello, everybody!Copy !req
69. Can you believe it, ladies?
I'm one of you now!Copy !req
70. Wow!
Just look at all these tampons!Copy !req
71. Regular, heavy flow.Copy !req
72. Oh, boy! I can't wait
till I get my first period!Copy !req
73. Hi, gals!Copy !req
74. Oh, boy. Can you believe the
sales they're having out there?Copy !req
75. Well, I'm about to pee out
my vagina for the first time.Copy !req
76. Give us a hug!
Girls club!Copy !req
77. All right.
Here it goes.Copy !req
78. Oh, wow! This is great!
Look at that!Copy !req
79. I'm peeing sitting down like a
dainty, dignified little woman!Copy !req
80. Say, any of you ladies want to
go see a sad movie together?Copy !req
81. You guys try those
new Wings tampons?Copy !req
82. Do those work well?Copy !req
83. Kyle, you have to cheer up,
dude.Copy !req
84. So you aren't built right
for basketball.Copy !req
85. But I feel like
a basketball player.Copy !req
86. It's all I want to do!Copy !req
87. Hello, boys!Copy !req
88. It's me, your teacher,
Mrs. Garrison!Copy !req
89. You guys,
Mr. Garrison has titties.Copy !req
90. I had a sex-change operation.Copy !req
91. My penis is now a vagina,Copy !req
92. and I'm experiencing womanhood
for the first time in my life!Copy !req
93. See you in class!Copy !req
94. Mom, Dad,
what's a sex-change operation?Copy !req
95. What?
Uh, n-nothing.Copy !req
96. I'll explain it to you
when you're a little older.Copy !req
97. But our teacher, Mr. Garrison —Copy !req
98. He just had his penis
made into a vagina.Copy !req
99. - How come?
- Penis!Copy !req
100. Your teacher had a sex change?
Oh, my God!Copy !req
101. Vagina!Copy !req
102. That does it. I'm taking
you boys out of that school!Copy !req
103. Gerald, that is
very close-minded of you.Copy !req
104. You shouldn't judge people
who want to change.Copy !req
105. He's a teacher!Copy !req
106. How are we supposed to explain
this to our children?Copy !req
107. It's very simple.Copy !req
108. You see, Kyle,
sometimes a person's outsideCopy !req
109. doesn't reflect who they are
on the inside.Copy !req
110. Yeah!
That's right!Copy !req
111. They feel like they're
somebody trappedCopy !req
112. in another person's body.Copy !req
113. And so they can have a surgery
that makes themCopy !req
114. more into the person
they see themselves as.Copy !req
115. Do you understand?Copy !req
116. Totally!
I totally understand!Copy !req
117. There. You see, Gerald?
He totally understands.Copy !req
118. So, I hear you're interested
in reconstructive surgery.Copy !req
119. Yeah, my schoolteacher
wanted to be a woman,Copy !req
120. and you made him into one.Copy !req
121. Oh, yes.
Mr. Garrison.Copy !req
122. Uh, yes. He had a vaginoplasty.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
123. Well, do you also do
other surgeries like that?Copy !req
124. Sure. You see, sometimes
a woman wants to be a man.Copy !req
125. That procedure is called
a peniplasty.Copy !req
126. No, no.
I want to be tall and black.Copy !req
127. You what?Copy !req
128. I hate being small and Jewish.
I feel like a tall black man.Copy !req
129. Oh, you want a negroplasty!Copy !req
130. - Yeah!
- A-A negroplasty?Copy !req
131. It's a fairly common procedure,
really —Copy !req
132. just the reverse
of a caucasioplastyCopy !req
133. just like Michael Jackson had.Copy !req
134. Let's take a look here.Copy !req
135. What we do is slice your face
and peel it backCopy !req
136. so we can insert new
pigment-producing cells inside.Copy !req
137. We break the arm bones
in several placesCopy !req
138. and put bracers
to make them longer.Copy !req
139. Now, the knees
we need to snap offCopy !req
140. and fill with small,
round objectsCopy !req
141. that can cause better movement.Copy !req
142. And we finish it off
with a nice peniplastyCopy !req
143. to enhance the genitalia.Copy !req
144. Negroplasty takes about seven
hours and costs roughly $3,000.Copy !req
145. Uh, excuse me.
Is this really a good idea?Copy !req
146. Well, it's a good idea if you
want to be tall and black.Copy !req
147. Otherwise,
I wouldn't recommend it.Copy !req
148. Hello, Mr. Slave!Copy !req
149. Boy, have I been busy.
A woman's work is never done.Copy !req
150. I got some tampons.Copy !req
151. I should be getting my period
really soon.Copy !req
152. Hope I don't get too emotional
and drive you crazy with my PMS.Copy !req
153. Mr. Slave,
I got something for us, too.Copy !req
154. Would you like to take
this beautiful woman to bed?Copy !req
155. No, thanks.Copy !req
156. N-No, thanks?Copy !req
157. Come on, Mr. Slave.Copy !req
158. I want to try out
my new snootch.Copy !req
159. I can't believe you just went
ahead and had that surgeryCopy !req
160. without even asking me
what I thought.Copy !req
161. Well, I assumed
you supported me.Copy !req
162. It's still me. I just have
a vagina instead of a penis.Copy !req
163. But I'm gay.
I don't like vaginas.Copy !req
164. Don't you even care
that I was suffering?Copy !req
165. I wasn't happy the way I was!Copy !req
166. It's great that you feel better,
but you never stopped to thinkCopy !req
167. about how the people around you
would feel!Copy !req
168. Look, we can still be together.Copy !req
169. All you have to do
is stop being gay.Copy !req
170. How can you say that?
You're gay, too!Copy !req
171. I'm not gay!
I'm a woman!Copy !req
172. Oh!
Jesus Christ!Copy !req
173. Oh, so is that it?
You're just gonna walk out?Copy !req
174. You men are all alike!Copy !req
175. Go ahead and find somebody who
doesn't have a vagina, you fag!Copy !req
176. Mom! Dad!
I have awesome news!Copy !req
177. The doctor who gave
Mr. Garrison a sex changeCopy !req
178. said he can make me tall
and black!Copy !req
179. What?Copy !req
180. Dr. Biber said he can give me
a negroplastyCopy !req
181. so I can finally look the way
I've always wanted!Copy !req
182. He even took my picture
and then did computer imagingCopy !req
183. to show what I would look like
after the surgery!Copy !req
184. Oh, just great.
You see, Sheila?Copy !req
185. This is what your transgender
progressive thinking gets you!Copy !req
186. Now your son wants to be
transracial.Copy !req
187. Can I have $3,000, Mom and Dad?
Huh? Can I?Copy !req
188. Absolutely not, Kyle!Copy !req
189. But why not?Copy !req
190. You said sometimes
people need surgeryCopy !req
191. to feel better about themselves.Copy !req
192. Yes, but, Kyle —Copy !req
193. Well, all my life,
I've felt that I was black.Copy !req
194. I listen to hip-hop,
I watch UPN,Copy !req
195. and I love playing basketball.Copy !req
196. My body doesn't reflect
who I am inside.Copy !req
197. Kyle, you have to accept
your body the way it is.Copy !req
198. Why? Why do I have to accept it
when I can change it?Copy !req
199. The answer is no, Kyle!Copy !req
200. You're not going to have
negroplasty!Copy !req
201. But Jews can't play basketball!Copy !req
202. Kyle, you better stop being
anti-Semitic right now, mister!Copy !req
203. I'm never speaking
to either one of you ever again!Copy !req
204. - Oh, that does it!
- Where are you going?Copy !req
205. That Dr. Biber is about
to get his ass bitten off!Copy !req
206. Who the hell do you think
you are?Copy !req
207. Dr. Biber.Copy !req
208. What kind of nut job would agree
to surgically alter my sonCopy !req
209. into a tall African-American?Copy !req
210. Oh, you're Kyle's father.Copy !req
211. That's right, and I also happen
to be a lawyer!Copy !req
212. And I'm gonna have you sued for
malpracticeCopy !req
213. and your clinic shut down!Copy !req
214. What is that on your shirt?Copy !req
215. What the — They're —
They're dolphins. Why?Copy !req
216. Ah.
You like dolphins, hmm?Copy !req
217. I love dolphins.Copy !req
218. Ever since I was a child,
I've dreamt of —Copy !req
219. uh, b-but that hardly has any
bearing on what I'm here to —Copy !req
220. I can make you one.Copy !req
221. What?Copy !req
222. Invert the back,Copy !req
223. move the esophagus to the top
of the head.Copy !req
224. Yes, a full dolphinoplasty could
be achieved relatively simply.Copy !req
225. Make me a... dolphin?Copy !req
226. No.
No, no. It's crazy.Copy !req
227. There's nothing crazy
about a personCopy !req
228. wanting to look on the outsideCopy !req
229. the way they feel
on the inside.Copy !req
230. It's "Girls Gone Wild"!Copy !req
231. - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!Copy !req
232. These girls will do anything!Copy !req
233. Oh, gee!
Should I do it?Copy !req
234. Should I do it?
Oh, what the hell?Copy !req
235. Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
236. Look. I'll giggle and
make them bounce up and down!Copy !req
237. Oh, boy.Copy !req
238. Men will do just about anythingCopy !req
239. to get a look at our tits,
won't they?Copy !req
240. Men are all the same.Copy !req
241. My boyfriend walked out on me.Copy !req
242. Turns out he was a fag.Copy !req
243. But I've been living it up
ever since,Copy !req
244. having sex with all kinds
of different guys!Copy !req
245. Girl power!Copy !req
246. You know, the strange thing is
I haven't gotten my period yet.Copy !req
247. Is there a reason a woman
might miss her period?Copy !req
248. Well, normally if a woman misses
her period,Copy !req
249. it means she's pregnant.Copy !req
250. Pregnant?Copy !req
251. Oh, my God.Copy !req
252. Of course.Copy !req
253. I haven't gotten
to experience a periodCopy !req
254. because one of those truckers
I slept with got me knocked up.Copy !req
255. I'm pregnant, everybody!Copy !req
256. Oh, boy!
Now I can have an abortion!Copy !req
257. Gerald!
What happened to you?Copy !req
258. That doctor is a miracle worker,
Sheila!Copy !req
259. I-I'm the happiest
I've ever been!Copy !req
260. Look, Ike!
Your daddy's a dolphin!Copy !req
261. A dolphin?Copy !req
262. Sheila, I-it was wrong of us
to be so judgmental of Kyle.Copy !req
263. If he isn't happy
with who he is,Copy !req
264. then who are we
to deny him surgeryCopy !req
265. that will make him feel better
about himself?Copy !req
266. Gerald, this is crazy.Copy !req
267. I used to think I was crazy.Copy !req
268. But Dr. Biber told meCopy !req
269. that there are a lot
of other people out thereCopy !req
270. who are trans-species.Copy !req
271. All I did is change
my appearanceCopy !req
272. to look the way I felt here.Copy !req
273. And I'm telling you now that if
we don't let Kyle do the same,Copy !req
274. he may never be happy, ever.Copy !req
275. We owe him more than that,
Sheila.Copy !req
276. We owe him understanding!Copy !req
277. Fellas!Copy !req
278. Hey, fellas,
you got to come see!Copy !req
279. - What?
- It's Kyle!Copy !req
280. He's a Negro!Copy !req
281. Wow.Copy !req
282. - I can't believe it.
- Did it hurt?Copy !req
283. Yeah, but it was
totally worth it.Copy !req
284. Jesus Christ, dude!Copy !req
285. Look, Stan!
I'm finally whole!Copy !req
286. My dad is even gonna take me
back down to the all-star gameCopy !req
287. to see if I can try out
for the team again!Copy !req
288. Come on, Kyle!
We should get going!Copy !req
289. All right, Dad!Copy !req
290. Dude, is Kyle's dad a dolphin?Copy !req
291. He's a Jewish dolphin —
a Jewphin.Copy !req
292. You here for an abortion, too?Copy !req
293. Yeah, I discovered
a few days agoCopy !req
294. I wasn't bleeding out my cooze,
so I guess I'm knocked up.Copy !req
295. Is this doctor any good?Copy !req
296. Mrs. Garrison?Copy !req
297. Oh, that's me.Copy !req
298. Hello, Doctor. It looks like
I need an abortion.Copy !req
299. An abortion?Copy !req
300. Yeah.
I've got one growing inside me.Copy !req
301. Are you gonna scramble its
brains or just vacuum it out?Copy !req
302. If you want,
you can just scramble it,Copy !req
303. and I'll queef it out myself.Copy !req
304. - Mr. Garrison —
- Mrs. Garrison.Copy !req
305. Mrs. Garrison,
you can't have an abortion.Copy !req
306. Don't you tell me what I can
and can't do with my body!Copy !req
307. A woman has a right to choose!Copy !req
308. No. I mean you're physically
unable to have an abortionCopy !req
309. because you can't get pregnant.Copy !req
310. But I missed my period.Copy !req
311. You can't have periods, either.Copy !req
312. You had a sex change,
Mr. Garrison,Copy !req
313. but you don't have ovaries
or a womb.Copy !req
314. You don't produce eggs.Copy !req
315. You mean... I'll never
know what it feels likeCopy !req
316. to have a baby growing inside meCopy !req
317. and then scramble its brains
and vacuum it out?Copy !req
318. That's right.Copy !req
319. But I paid $5,000 to be a woman.Copy !req
320. This would mean
I'm not really a woman.Copy !req
321. It's — I'm just a — I'm just
a guy with a mutilated penis!Copy !req
322. Basically, yes.Copy !req
323. Oh, boy, do I feel
like a jackass.Copy !req
324. Hey, asshole!Copy !req
325. Excuse me. I'm performing
an operation here.Copy !req
326. You told me you were gonna
make me into a woman!Copy !req
327. - I gave you a sex change.
- Yeah?Copy !req
328. Well, what kind of woman
can't have abortionsCopy !req
329. and bleed out her snatch
once a month?Copy !req
330. You made me into a freak
is what you did,Copy !req
331. and I want you
to change me back!Copy !req
332. Am I a man yet?Copy !req
333. Mr. Garrison,
I can't reattach your organs.Copy !req
334. Why the hell not?Copy !req
335. Because I've already used
your testiclesCopy !req
336. to fashion new knees
for a little boyCopy !req
337. who wanted to be tall and black.Copy !req
338. You what?Copy !req
339. And your scrotum has been made
into a dorsal finCopy !req
340. for a man who wanted to look
more like a dolphin.Copy !req
341. Oh, you —Copy !req
342. You're coming with me to find
my balls and scrotumCopy !req
343. right now, Mr. Man!Copy !req
344. Welcome to the all-state
basketball playoffsCopy !req
345. between the best fourth-grade
players from ColoradoCopy !req
346. and the best fourth-grade
players from Wyoming.Copy !req
347. Coach! Coach! I'm all better.
I'm ready to play!Copy !req
348. Who are you?Copy !req
349. I-It's me, Kyle Broflovski.
I had a negroplasty.Copy !req
350. Can I play on
the all-state team now?Copy !req
351. Well, you're tall
and black enough.Copy !req
352. All right, Broflovski.
Suit up!Copy !req
353. All right!Copy !req
354. Dad, I can play!Copy !req
355. All right, Kyle!Copy !req
356. Excuse me. Where do you have
special seating for dolphins?Copy !req
357. Boys, have you seen Kyle?
He's not at home!Copy !req
358. Kyle went down to play in the
basketball game, Mrs. Garrison.Copy !req
359. He's going to play basketball?Copy !req
360. - Oh, my God.
- What?Copy !req
361. Well, I only made him look like
he could play basketball.Copy !req
362. If he actually does it,Copy !req
363. the testicles in his knees
will explode.Copy !req
364. What? But you made him
into a basketball player!Copy !req
365. No, I just made him
look more like one.Copy !req
366. We have to stop him
from playing.Copy !req
367. Those testicles in his knees
are ticking time balls!Copy !req
368. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
369. Come on, boys.Copy !req
370. We've got to get to my balls
before Kyle hurts himself!Copy !req
371. Broflovski, be ready
to take over for Owens.Copy !req
372. I'm 100% ready, Coach!Copy !req
373. E-Excuse me. Where — Where is
the bathroom for dolphins?Copy !req
374. We don't have one.Copy !req
375. Well, where the hell am I
supposed to go to the bathroom?Copy !req
376. I-I need a large tank
with saltwater!Copy !req
377. Uh... too bad?Copy !req
378. Damn it, you people have to make
special arrangementsCopy !req
379. for trans-species people
like me.Copy !req
380. I may be a dolphin,
but I'm also a lawyer!Copy !req
381. You're a lawphin?Copy !req
382. Tickets, please.Copy !req
383. We don't have tickets!Copy !req
384. Sorry, ma'am.
No tickets, no entry.Copy !req
385. Look, there's a boy
with my balls in his knees,Copy !req
386. and he's in serious danger!Copy !req
387. What?Copy !req
388. My scrotum!Copy !req
389. That dolphin has my scrotum!
Now let us in!Copy !req
390. You can't go in, ma'am!Copy !req
391. We have unauthorized entry
on level 1!Copy !req
392. All right, Broflovski.
You're going in next possession.Copy !req
393. All right!Copy !req
394. Ow.
Hmm.Copy !req
395. Gerald, where's Kyle?Copy !req
396. - What? Why?
- My balls are in his knees.Copy !req
397. If he jumps with them,
they'll explode!Copy !req
398. Oh, my God!Copy !req
399. There they are,
next to that dolphin!Copy !req
400. Come on.
We got to get to those balls!Copy !req
401. Stop them!Copy !req
402. They didn't pay
the $2 entry fee!Copy !req
403. Now substituting for Colorado,Copy !req
404. number 4, Kyle Broflovski.Copy !req
405. Oh, Jesus!
He's about to play!Copy !req
406. Mrs. Garrison, grab Kyle!Copy !req
407. Which one is he?Copy !req
408. Aah!Copy !req
409. Hey, what the hell?Copy !req
410. Stop the game!Copy !req
411. Aah!Copy !req
412. I got it!
I got the ball!Copy !req
413. Kyle, no!Copy !req
414. Broflovski goes for the dunk!Copy !req
415. No!Copy !req
416. My balls!Copy !req
417. Aah!Copy !req
418. So let me get this straight.Copy !req
419. That woman over there was trying
to get to her balls,Copy !req
420. which were in the knees
of a black childCopy !req
421. whose father is a dolphin.Copy !req
422. Yeah, that's basically it.Copy !req
423. Sounds like
an open-and-shut case.Copy !req
424. All right.
Let's head 'em out!Copy !req
425. I'm sorry, Kyle.Copy !req
426. I should've told you
the surgery was cosmetic only.Copy !req
427. So does this mean
I'm not really a dolphin?Copy !req
428. Let's get you two
up to the clinic,Copy !req
429. and I'll change you back
for a nominal fee.Copy !req
430. But what about Mr. Garrison?
He can't go back.Copy !req
431. You know what?
I'm okay.Copy !req
432. Even though
I'm not truly a woman,Copy !req
433. I think I still like the new me.Copy !req
434. I'd rather be a woman who can't
have periods than a fag.Copy !req
435. Hey, guys!
This girl is staying a woman!Copy !req
436. Who wants to pound my vag?Copy !req
437. Girl power!Copy !req