1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Copy !req
2. G'rlkr.
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3. B'rk!
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4. Aah!
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5. G'rk!
Copy !req
6. Yes?
Copy !req
7. Hello, ma'am.
Copy !req
8. We're going around town and
offering snow-shoveling service.
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9. Would you like your driveway
and sidewalk shoveled
Copy !req
10. for $8,000?
Copy !req
11. Oh. Well, I certainly could use
some little snow shovelers.
Copy !req
12. But $8,000 seems a little steep.
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13. How about $10?
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14. Ooh. Ouch.
Ma'am, please.
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15. Let go of that tight grip
you have on my balls.
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16. $10.
You're breaking my balls, ma'am.
Copy !req
17. - How about $15?
- It's a deal.
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18. All right, guys.
Let's get to work!
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19. Yeah. Yeah.
It was totally awesome.
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20. Craig crapped his pants
when he saw it.
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21. Yeah.
Sweet.
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22. So, what's going on over there?
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23. Yeah.
That's pretty cool.
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24. No way!
He did not!
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25. Aw, dude, that is so weak.
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26. What?
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27. You've been on your
fucking phone since we started.
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28. Dude, I'm taking a break.
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29. A break from what?
You haven't done anything!
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30. Kyle, how many times
do we have to go through this?
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31. I'm the negotiator.
Copy !req
32. I negotiate our price
with the customers.
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33. All you ever do
is talk about your balls!
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34. It works, doesn't it?
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35. Did I not just get us
an extra five bucks?
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36. If you want your share
of the money,
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37. then you're gonna shovel snow
like the rest of us!
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38. Hey, don't boss me around,
you fucking Jew!
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39. I will kick your ass!
Copy !req
40. Ma'am, do you have a rag
and some bandages?
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41. Oh, goodness.
What happened?
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42. Shoveling accident.
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43. Oh, no.
Come on inside.
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44. Wait right here.
I'll be right back.
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45. You're so lucky
I have a sore shoulder, Kyle,
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46. or else I would have
let you have it.
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47. Cartman, just keep
your mouth shut.
Copy !req
48. This is breaking news.
Copy !req
49. Here's anchorman Aaron Brown.
Copy !req
50. Incredible,
absolutely amazing news today.
Copy !req
51. A man from the future
has come back in time
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52. and is in a government hospital
after being hit by a car.
Copy !req
53. Whoa.
Copy !req
54. Kristina Nalen has more.
Copy !req
55. The news is incredible, Aaron.
Copy !req
56. Experts and scientists have been
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57. with the man from the future
for several hours now
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58. and have been able to learn
that he is from the year 3045.
Copy !req
59. His condition is stable,
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60. and speculation continues
as to why he has come.
Copy !req
61. Has he come to deliver
a cure for cancer
Copy !req
62. or to fix something
wrong with the past?
Copy !req
63. Have to interrupt you there,
Kristina.
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64. Apparently Brad Morgan
is inside the base
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65. with breaking news — Brad?
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66. Aaron, the scientists have been
able to communicate further
Copy !req
67. and have uncovered
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68. that the man from 1,000 years
in the future
Copy !req
69. has come to our time
looking for work.
Copy !req
70. He has said that the future
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71. is so overwhelmingly
overpopulated
Copy !req
72. that there are simply no jobs
in his time,
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73. and so he built a time portal
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74. and has come back
to 21st-century America
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75. to find a job here.
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76. That is absolutely astounding.
Copy !req
77. He came back here for work?
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78. Uh, that's right, Aaron.
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79. His plan is to get a job
here in our time
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80. so that he can put
the money he earns
Copy !req
81. into a savings account,
which will earn interest,
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82. and by the year 3045
be worth billions of dollars —
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83. which, of course, in the future
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84. will be worth
only hundreds of dollars,
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85. but enough, he says,
to feed his family.
Copy !req
86. And now I understand
Copy !req
87. we're going to Harrison Moore
for an explanation
Copy !req
88. on how the time portal works —
Harrison?
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89. Aaron, I am standing
at the time portal
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90. which scientists say
follows "Terminator" rules —
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91. That is, it's one-way only,
and you can't go back.
Copy !req
92. This is in contrast to, say,
"Back to the Future" rules,
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93. where back and forth
is possible,
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94. and of course,
"Timerider" rules,
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95. which are just plain silly.
Copy !req
96. Anyway, it appears that
the man from the future
Copy !req
97. is here to stay.
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98. Mom! Dad!
Did you see?
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99. They found a man
from the future!
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100. We know, Stanley.
We've been watching.
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101. If you're just joining us,
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102. a man from over 2,000 years
into the future
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103. has come through a one-way
time portal looking for work.
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104. Uh, the president is expected
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105. to give an announcement
at any time.
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106. Breaking news here
at the time portal, Aaron.
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107. It appears another person from
the future has just arrived!
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108. It looks as if
the job at Wendy's
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109. did work for
the original immigrant.
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110. This second arrivee
claims that man's family
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111. is now much better off
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112. and wishes the same
for his family.
Copy !req
113. There you go.
All set, sweetie?
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114. Mom, can we go try to see
the people from the future?
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115. I have a bunch of questions
I want to ask them.
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116. I'm sure a lot of people do,
hon.
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117. It's pretty exciting, isn't it?
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118. Now, you just get some sleep.
You've had a busy day.
Copy !req
119. Good night, sweetie.
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120. Night, Mom.
Copy !req
121. Wow.
Two people from the future.
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122. How cool.
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123. G'lr.
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124. G'gr g'rhr.
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125. G'lr. Gr.
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126. - Yes?
- Hello, Mrs. Landis.
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127. Would you like snow-shoveling
service again today?
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128. Ooh.
Oh, dear.
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129. I'm sorry, boys,
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130. but I've already hired
someone else to do it.
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131. What? Who?
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132. One of those immigrants
from the future.
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133. He said he would do it
for 25 cents.
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134. 25 cents?
But that's not even worth it!
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135. All right, guys. Come on.
We'll just go to the next house.
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136. Dude.
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137. Son of a bitch.
Copy !req
138. Still more immigrants
from the future
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139. arrived at the time border
today,
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140. some even bringing
their entire families.
Copy !req
141. The purplish goo that
they have on their bodies
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142. when they arrive
is an ectoplasmic side effect
Copy !req
143. of the time-travel process.
Copy !req
144. This is all giving scientists
a great opportunity
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145. to learn even more about
American life in the future.
Copy !req
146. Chris Hall joins us now.
Chris?
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147. Yes, there are incredible
things we're learning
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148. about Americans in the future,
Aaron.
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149. It appears that in the future
Americans have evolved
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150. into a hairless,
uniform mix of all races.
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151. They are all one color,
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152. which is a yellowy,
light-brownish, whitish color.
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153. It seems race is no longer
an issue in the future
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154. because all ethnicities
have mixed into one.
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155. Perhaps most interesting
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156. is how this has affected
their language.
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157. The people in the future
speak a complete mix
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158. of English, Chinese, Turkish,
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159. and, indeed,
all world languages,
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160. which sounds something
like this...
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161. Foik flank'en fark.
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162. Back to you, Aaron.
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163. Apparently,
the people from the future
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164. are having a pretty easy time
finding work.
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165. Since they offer to work
for such low wages,
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166. they're being hired
all over America.
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167. This is bullcrap!
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168. - We don't like this!
- I ain't standin' for this!
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169. I'm mad as hell!
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170. All right, folks,
my name is Daryl Weathers,
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171. and I'm with
the construction workers union.
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172. I work with a lot of fine men
who have families to feed.
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173. I don't know about y'all,
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174. but we worked long and hard
to get our pay up to a level
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175. where we could make
a decent living.
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176. And now these people
from the future are showing up
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177. and offering to do the same work
for next to nothin'!
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178. They took our jobs!
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179. Yeah!
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180. - They sure did!
- They did!
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181. We're in the moving business.
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182. Fourteen years
we been working our butts off.
Copy !req
183. Now these future folk come in,
and we can't get work nowhere!
Copy !req
184. Well, they took our jobs!
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185. They took yer job!
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186. - They took your jobs, too!
- Took yer job!
Copy !req
187. What about us
in the fast-food business?
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188. The restaurants are firing us
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189. 'cause the future people
work for a lot less.
Copy !req
190. They took our jobs!
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191. - They took their jobs!
- They took their jobs!
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192. - They took yer job!
- Took yer jobs!
Copy !req
193. It's affecting kids, too.
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194. Me and my friends started
our own snow-shoveling business.
Copy !req
195. We were trying to be responsible
and make money, you know?
Copy !req
196. But then the people
from the future came along,
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197. and now we're out of work, too!
Copy !req
198. Oh.
They took our jobs!
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199. - They took yer job!
- They took yer job!
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200. - Yeah!
- Dook yer durrr!
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201. Gl'r gl'r g'r g'rg.
Copy !req
202. Stanley, it's almost 8:00.
Where have you been?
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203. I was at a rally to protest
all the immigrants
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204. from the future coming in
and trying —
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205. Glrk'a?
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206. Oh, yes, the laundry machine
is down in the basement.
Copy !req
207. And our son is home. Could you
please set the table for dinner?
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208. G'oh.
G'up r'up!
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209. Who is that?
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210. That's our new housekeeper,
Mrs. Gw'arh.
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211. She's gonna help around the
house on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
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212. And she'll do it
for 10 cents an hour.
Copy !req
213. Aw, but that's the problem.
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214. Those goobacks
are takin' our jobs!
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215. - What?
- Oh, my God!
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216. Stan Marsh, how dare you use
that time-bashing slur?
Copy !req
217. Who taught you to talk
like that?
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218. Well, dude, they are taking
people's jobs away.
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219. They're only taking
the small, menial jobs
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220. that nobody else
really wants to do.
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221. I wanted my job!
Copy !req
222. Hey, Stanley, you need
to understand something.
Copy !req
223. Those people from the future
have had a hard life.
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224. Where they come from is dirty
and overpopulated and poor.
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225. You can't even imagine the kind
of depression they come from.
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226. So for us,
who have everything so good,
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227. to judge them is wrong.
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228. Do you understand?
Copy !req
229. Next time you think about
calling them goobacks,
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230. you might want
to just stop for a second
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231. and think about how crappy
the future really is.
Copy !req
232. That's right.
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233. We're not raising our son
to be an ignorant timecist.
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234. T-Timecist?
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235. You know — a racist,
but against people from —
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236. People from the future.
Right. Got it.
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237. All right.
Good.
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238. Now let's all go eat
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239. some of Mrs. Gw'arh's
great future cooking.
Copy !req
240. And now here is Bill O'Reilly.
Copy !req
241. Welcome, welcome to
the No Spin Zone, all right?
Copy !req
242. And what we're
talking about today
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243. are the immigrants
from the future, all right?
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244. Most people are more than happy
to give a helping hand
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245. to these people who obviously
need it, all right?
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246. But others are starting to say
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247. that the time portal
should be closed off, all right?
Copy !req
248. Now, I've got two guests
with me tonight
Copy !req
249. who have opposing views
on the matter.
Copy !req
250. On my right
is pissed-off white-trash
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251. redneck conservative.
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252. Thanks for having me, Bill.
Copy !req
253. And on my left
is aging hippie liberal douche.
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254. Hello.
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255. Now, pissed-off redneck,
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256. you say we shouldn't
allow anyone else
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257. through the time portal,
all right?
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258. You're goddamn right.
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259. These people from the future
are taking all the work away
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260. from us decent
present-day Americans.
Copy !req
261. They took our jobs!
Copy !req
262. They took our jobs!
Copy !req
263. Those jobs belong to people
from the present!
Copy !req
264. All right.
Copy !req
265. What say you,
aging hippie liberal douche?
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266. It's typical for
conservative rednecks like these
Copy !req
267. to view the immigrants
as the problem.
Copy !req
268. But really the problem
is America.
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269. It is our greedy
multinational corporations
Copy !req
270. that keep everyone else
in poverty.
Copy !req
271. Your ancestors came to America
as immigrants.
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272. What right do you have
to turn these people away?
Copy !req
273. All right.
Redneck, your rebuttal?
Copy !req
274. They took our jobs!
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275. They took our jobs!
Copy !req
276. Durk er durrr!
Copy !req
277. All right, children.
Copy !req
278. The school board has mandated
that I must now teach class
Copy !req
279. in both present-day English
and Futurespeak.
Copy !req
280. What?
Copy !req
281. So with that in mind, let's
continue our lessons on verbs.
Copy !req
282. Remember that there are
transitive verbs such as,
Copy !req
283. "The boy threw the red ball,"
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284. which in Futurespeak,
of course, is g'rk gr'kle r'glk.
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285. Everyone say it with me.
G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
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286. G'rk gr'kle r'glk.
Copy !req
287. G'rk r'g-g-g—lk.
Copy !req
288. And there are intransitive
verbs, such as,
Copy !req
289. "The 11:15 bus from Denver
arrived 12 hours late."
Copy !req
290. Or in Futurespeak, g'lrk.
Copy !req
291. G'lrk.
Copy !req
292. Dude, hold on.
This is bullcrap!
Copy !req
293. If they want to live
in our time,
Copy !req
294. then they should learn
our language!
Copy !req
295. - Yeah!
- Right!
Copy !req
296. Hey, now, these immigrants have
a right to retain their culture.
Copy !req
297. Who are we to say
our language is best?
Copy !req
298. They deserve
to have an education
Copy !req
299. just as much as you do.
Copy !req
300. Thank you,
aging hippie liberal douche.
Copy !req
301. You betcha.
Copy !req
302. Timmy!
Copy !req
303. Okay, now.
Let's get back to it, kids.
Copy !req
304. Which kind of verb is this?
Copy !req
305. "The sad girl puts balls
in her mouth."
Copy !req
306. Or, in Futurespeak, of course —
Copy !req
307. G'rk g'rak balls g'rk g'rk.
Copy !req
308. This is bullcrap!
Copy !req
309. - We don't like this!
- I ain't standin' for this!
Copy !req
310. Listen up, everybody.
Copy !req
311. We've just received a reply
from our congressman.
Copy !req
312. "Dear intolerant rednecks,
Copy !req
313. we sympathize with you all
losing your jobs.
Copy !req
314. However, we feel your solution
of shooting everyone
Copy !req
315. who crosses the time border
is inhumane."
Copy !req
316. - What?
- That's ridiculous!
Copy !req
317. - They can't do that!
- That was a good idea!
Copy !req
318. So it appears the government
ain't gonna help us,
Copy !req
319. which means we got to take
matters into our own hands.
Copy !req
320. The only way to stop people
from the future
Copy !req
321. is to stop the future
from happening.
Copy !req
322. Hey, that's right!
Copy !req
323. If there is no future,
Copy !req
324. then there'll be no people
fro m the future
Copy !req
325. to come back and take our jobs!
Copy !req
326. Dur er durrr!
Copy !req
327. All right.
Copy !req
328. So any ideas how we can stop
the future from happening?
Copy !req
329. How about we cause
more global warming
Copy !req
330. so that in the future
the polar ice caps melt,
Copy !req
331. a-and it ushers in
a new ice age?
Copy !req
332. How the hell is global warming
gonna cause an ice age?
Copy !req
333. Well, you know, the global
warming could bring on,
Copy !req
334. like, a climate shift
or something.
Copy !req
335. Chet, you are a fuckin' retard.
You know that?
Copy !req
336. Even if global warming
were real —
Copy !req
337. which all proven scientific data
shows it isn't —
Copy !req
338. it would take millions of years
for a climate shift to happen.
Copy !req
339. You think an ice age can just
happen all of a sudden like?
Copy !req
340. Well, I was just trying
to be helpful.
Copy !req
341. Well, help yourself
to a fuckin' science book,
Copy !req
342. 'cause you're talking
like a fuckin' retard.
Copy !req
343. Now, come on, people!
We've got to think!
Copy !req
344. Damn it, they took our job!
Copy !req
345. They took our job!
Copy !req
346. They took our job!
Copy !req
347. - Taka dur!
- Took our job!
Copy !req
348. G'rr?
G'lk g'lr?
Copy !req
349. G'rk!
G'lrm g'lak g'lak.
Copy !req
350. Oh, dude!
Copy !req
351. G'lar d'kuh?
Copy !req
352. Can you speak in present-day
English, please?
Copy !req
353. Oh.
Copy !req
354. Can I help you?
Copy !req
355. Uh, yeah. I want
a double cheeseburger and fries.
Copy !req
356. Chicken sandwich?
Copy !req
357. No.
A double cheeseburger and fries.
Copy !req
358. - Anything to drink?
- What?
Copy !req
359. Anything to drink?
Copy !req
360. We can't understand you,
asshole!
Copy !req
361. G'lrk.
G'lk g'rr g'lrk.
Copy !req
362. G'rek g'lrk g'lrk.
G'rek g'lrk g'lrk.
Copy !req
363. G'wark.
Copy !req
364. Can I help you?
Copy !req
365. I'm trying to order
a double cheeseburger.
Copy !req
366. Chicken sandwich?
Copy !req
367. No, not a chicken sandwich!
Copy !req
368. I want a goddamn cheeseburger
and some goddamn fries,
Copy !req
369. you fucking goobacks!
Copy !req
370. Stan Marsh!
Copy !req
371. Aw — Awwww!
Copy !req
372. Come on, people.
Think!
Copy !req
373. How are we gonna stop
these immigrants
Copy !req
374. from takin' our jobs?
Copy !req
375. Hey, I got an idea.
Copy !req
376. Maybe we should all
take off all our clothes,
Copy !req
377. scramble into a big pile,
Copy !req
378. and start getting gay
with each other.
Copy !req
379. Did you say get gay?
Copy !req
380. Hey, yeah.
That's not a bad idea!
Copy !req
381. What, gettin' gay?
Copy !req
382. Think about it. These people
are from the future, right?
Copy !req
383. Well, if we can get everyone
to turn queer,
Copy !req
384. then there won't be no children
to have no children,
Copy !req
385. and the people from the future
won't exist to take our jobs!
Copy !req
386. I ain't turning queer.
Copy !req
387. You have to, Jimbo,
Copy !req
388. or else we won't be able
to stop them.
Copy !req
389. Damn it!
They took er blerrr!
Copy !req
390. Yeah!
They took our jobs!
Copy !req
391. Took er durrr!
Copy !req
392. Let's go over
to that part of town
Copy !req
393. that all the future people
moved into
Copy !req
394. and start humpin' each other
until they disappear.
Copy !req
395. Come on!
Copy !req
396. Come on!
You want your jobs back or not?
Copy !req
397. All right, you future bastards!
Copy !req
398. Think you can take our jobs?
Copy !req
399. Well, we'll show you.
Copy !req
400. Come here, Earl!
Copy !req
401. How do you like that, gooback?
Copy !req
402. Come on, you guys!
Copy !req
403. Everyone who believes
in America, join in with us!
Copy !req
404. We're gonna make these
future bastards nonexistent!
Copy !req
405. Aw, come on, Dad.
Copy !req
406. How come I have to go to work
with you?
Copy !req
407. Because you're being grounded,
Stanley.
Copy !req
408. Now, I don't want to hear
another word
Copy !req
409. out of your intolerant mouth.
Copy !req
410. You just sit right there,
Stanley,
Copy !req
411. and you think about
what you've done.
Copy !req
412. You'll find all the copiers
and printers
Copy !req
413. - in the next room over and —
- Hey, Mr. Nelson.
Copy !req
414. Oh. R-Randy.
Copy !req
415. I'm surprised to see you here.
Copy !req
416. Why?
This is my office.
Copy !req
417. Oh, boy.
Didn't you get my phone message?
Copy !req
418. Ooh, this is awkward.
Copy !req
419. Well, the thing is, Randy,
you've been replaced.
Copy !req
420. What?
Copy !req
421. W-We found an immigrant from
the future who knows geology,
Copy !req
422. and he offered to work
for next to nothing.
Copy !req
423. This is Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
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424. G'rlo.
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425. You can't be serious.
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426. I'm sorry, Randy.
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427. It's just with
all the budget cuts and all —
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428. We'll give you some time
to clean out your desk.
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429. Follow me, Mr. G'luhg'rwe.
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430. I'll show you
to the coffee room.
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431. Oh, my God.
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432. They took my job!
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433. They took yer job!
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434. This is CNN.
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435. Breaking news
at the time border.
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436. We go now live
to Harrison Moore.
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437. Aaron, I'm standing
at the time border,
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438. where some kind of mass protest
has broken out.
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439. Hundreds of men who have lost
their jobs to time immigrants
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440. are here having sex
with one another.
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441. These men have apparently
sucked and screwed their way
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442. across the state
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443. and are now here
at the time border
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444. trying to get
national attention.
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445. These unemployed men have been
having sex for several days.
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446. Joining me now is their
spokesperson, Randy Marsh.
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447. Mr. Marsh, what exactly are
you trying to accomplish?
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448. We're doing the only thing
we can do.
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449. If our government
is just gonna let
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450. anybody into our time
who wants to come,
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451. then we have to take matters
into our own hands.
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452. We're trying to turn
everyone gay
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453. so there are no future humans.
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454. Present-day America, number one!
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455. Yeah, America!
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456. Took our jobs!
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457. Do you really think you can get
enough people to turn gay
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458. to destroy the future
of humanity?
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459. All we can do is try, Harrison.
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460. Trying to stop immigration
is intolerant and ignorant!
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461. Those immigrants have a right
to pursue happiness!
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462. Young man, what do you think
about all this?
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463. I-I think it's wrong
to call them goobacks,
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464. because they're no different
from us.
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465. They're just humans trying
to make their lives better.
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466. Look, it sucks that the
immigrants' time is so crappy.
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467. But the cold, hard truth
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468. is if we let them all come back
to our time,
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469. it's just gonna make
our time crappy, too.
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470. Maybe the answer isn't trying to
stop the future from happening,
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471. but making the future better.
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472. Huh?
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473. Maybe if we all commit right now
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474. to working towards
a better future,
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475. then the future won't be so bad
and these immigrants won't need
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476. to come back here
looking for work.
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477. Hey, he's right.
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478. If we build for a better future,
the immigrants will stay there!
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479. Yeah.
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480. We've got to start working
towards a brighter tomorrow.
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481. Well, what are we waiting for?
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482. Look!
It's working!
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483. The immigrants are fading away!
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484. We're doing it!
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485. Dude, wait. Wait.
H-Hold on. Wait a second.
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486. This is gay.
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487. This is really gay.
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488. Yeah, this is even gayer
than all the men
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489. getting in a big pile
and having sex with each other.
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490. Okay. Sorry.
My bad.
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491. Everyone back in the pile.
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492. Back in the pile, everyone!
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493. - We're going back to the pile!
- Jump in!
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494. - Come on, everybody!
- We're going back to the pile!
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495. - Yeah! Come on!
- Taka dur!
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