1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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2. - Zhhhh!
- Rrrrr!
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3. Captain Cartman reporting
from shuttlecraft Spontaneity,
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4. approaching planet Omega Nine.
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5. Warp drive disengaged.
Landing sequence initiated.
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6. What kind of atmosphere
are you reading
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7. on the planet's surface, Jew?
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8. - I'm a Vulcan!
- All right.
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9. What kind of atmosphere
are you reading, Vulcan-Jew?
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10. The atmosphere is oxygen-based.
Should support our breathing.
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11. All right. Hang on.
We're about to land.
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12. - Rrr! Br-br-br-br-br-br!
- Zhhhh!
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13. Okay.
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14. First Officer Stan
and Engineer Kenny,
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15. come with me on the away team.
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16. Vulcan-Jew Kyle will wait here.
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17. No!
I'm on the away team, too!
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18. It's my mom's new minivan,
so I'm the captain, Kyle!
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19. I don't care! You're not making
me wait in the van again!
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20. Fine, Kyle!
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21. But if something goes wrong
on the planet's surface,
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22. don't hold me responsible.
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23. Set phasers on stun.
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24. Things seem pretty quiet.
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25. Yes.
A little too quiet.
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26. I am picking up carbon-based
life-forms in Sector C.
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27. I believe we will find
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28. a village of peaceful aliens
over that ridge.
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29. Ugh. Okay. Fine.
I guess we'll go look —
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30. Oh, no!
Look out!
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31. It's a giant
four-headed lava frog!
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32. Shoot it!
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33. - Byew-byew! Byew-byew!
- Byoo!
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34. Oh, no!
It's got Kyle!
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35. No, it doesn't.
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36. Oh, it's got Kyle,
and it's tearing his head off!
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37. Oh, you guys,
looks like Kyle is done for.
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38. No, I'm not!
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39. God damn it, Cartman, you are
not gonna kill me off again!
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40. Ugh. You see, guys?
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41. This is why you don't bring Jews
along on the away team.
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42. They don't play along.
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43. Shut up about Jews, fat-ass!
You don't know anything!
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44. Oh, God.
Here we go again.
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45. Oh, yeah? I saw Mel Gibson's
movie "The Passion."
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46. And Mel Gibson says in the movie
Jews are the devil!
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47. - He does not!
- How do you know?
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48. I've seen "The Passion"
34 times now, Kyle.
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49. You haven't seen it once!
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50. There's one part where the Jews
have a chance to save Jesus,
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51. and you know what they do?
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52. They let Barabbas,
a serial killer, go free instead
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53. and laugh about it!
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54. - Nuh-unh!
- Go see the movie, Kyle!
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55. I'm sick of you guys arguing
about "The Passion."
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56. - I'm out of here.
- Mrph rm.
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57. I'm not arguing
about "The Passion"!
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58. He's being an asshole!
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59. You know what it is?
You're scared.
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60. You're scared of the truth.
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61. You don't want that movie
to show you
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62. just how bad the Jews are
and why everyone hates you.
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63. - People don't hate the Jews!
- Really?
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64. $300 million
domestic box office, Kyle.
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65. The top-grossing film
of all time, Kyle.
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66. Those numbers don't lie.
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67. If you're not scared of
"The Passion," then go see it.
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68. Go see it and tell me I'm wrong.
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69. Mel Gibson, Kyle.
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70. Mel Gibson.
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71. You're a stupid asshole.
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72. Sweet.
Now I can just play with myself.
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73. Pew-pew-pew!
Get back in the shuttlecraft!
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74. One, please.
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75. This is an R-rated movie.
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76. Yeah, I know.
But I have to —
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77. But because this is
such an important film
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78. that accurately depicts the
selfless acts of Jesus Christ,
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79. I'll let you in to see it.
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80. Thanks.
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81. Aah!
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82. How?
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83. How could the Jews do that
to Jesus?
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84. Pretty brutal, isn't it?
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85. Kind of makes you want to change
your life, huh?
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86. And now back
to "Terrance & Phillip."
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87. Hey, Terrance!
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88. Mom!
Doorbell!
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89. Wait.
Before you do, pull my thumb.
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90. Mom, answer the door!
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91. God damn it.
Lazy-ass whore.
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92. Fart.
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93. You were right.
You were right all along.
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94. I thought you were just an
asshole when you ripped on Jews,
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95. but... I didn't know.
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96. I-I didn't know.
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97. It's okay, Kyle.
It's okay.
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98. Just... say that first part
again.
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99. You — You were right?
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100. Mm.
One more time, Kyle.
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101. You were right.
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102. I want to thank You for all the
blessings You have brought me.
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103. You have shown me the way
so many times in the past,
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104. and now You are making
all my dreams come true.
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105. You give me strength
where there is doubt,
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106. and I praise You
for all You have done.
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107. Only You, Mel Gibson, have had
the wisdom and the courage
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108. to show the world the truth.
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109. From this day forward,
I will dedicate my life
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110. to making sure Your film is seen
by everyone.
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111. I will organize the masses
so that we may do Thy bidding.
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112. Hail Mel Gibson.
Amen.
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113. Look at that, dude.
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114. "The Passion" has made
almost $400 million
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115. - at the box office now.
- Mrph rm.
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116. Everyone in the country
is going to see that movie.
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117. I guess we have to go see it,
too.
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118. Dude.
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119. That movie sucked!
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120. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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121. How do they even call that
a movie?
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122. Mrph rm!
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123. That's bullcrap, dude.
Let's go get our money back.
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124. Mrph!
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125. Wow. I didn't realize
how horrible Christ's death was.
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126. Me neither.
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127. Oh, honey, let's be
good Christians from now on.
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128. I think if more people saw
"The Passion,"
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129. they'd have faith in Jesus.
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130. Yeah. It really guilt-trips you
into believing.
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131. - Hey, we want our money back.
- Huh?
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132. That movie sucked ass.
Give us back our $18.
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133. I can't refund your money.
You sat through the whole movie.
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134. That wasn't a movie.
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135. - That was a snuff film.
- Mrph!
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136. You can't charge to watch a guy
get tortured for two hours.
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137. That guy happens to be Jesus.
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138. And he went through all that
to pay for your sins!
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139. We go to church
to learn that stuff.
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140. We go to movies
to be entertained.
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141. We weren't entertained,
and we want our money back!
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142. I'm not allowed
to give your money back
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143. after you sat through
the whole movie!
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144. You'd have to take
your complaint up
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145. with the film's producers.
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146. What, Mel Gibson? You're saying we have to get
our money back from Mel Gibson?
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147. Yeah.
I'd like to see you try.
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148. Oh, we will.
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149. This is America, and in America,
if something sucks,
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150. you're supposed to be able
to get your money back!
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151. Come on, Kenny!
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152. Kill him!
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153. - Kill Jesus!
- Kill him!
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154. Kill that guy!
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155. - Kill him!
- Watch him die!
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156. Kill Jesus!
Eeeeeh!
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157. Okay.
Search for "Mel Gibson."
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158. Mel Gibson bio.
Mel Gibson news.
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159. Mel Gibson home page.
Here we go.
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160. your source for everything Mel.
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161. Pictures, philosophy,
upcoming projects."
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162. Damn it. No phone number.
Oh, wait.
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163. "For more information
on Mel Gibson,
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164. call the webmaster
at 1-800-43..."
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165. Okay. Wait.
Here we go.
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166. Mel Gibson's
"The Passion" Fan Club.
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167. Hi. My friend and I just went
to see "The Passion."
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168. And so you want to join
the fan club now.
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169. Our first meeting is tomorrow
at 5:30 p.m.
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170. No, no, no. No.
We want our money back.
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171. - What?
- We think the movie sucked,
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172. and we want Mel Gibson
to give us back our $18.
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173. You thought it sucked?
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174. Sir, apparently
you don't understand
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175. what Mel Gibson
was trying to do.
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176. He was trying to express,
through cinema,
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177. the horror and filthiness
of the common Jew.
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178. It has made people
the world over open their eyes.
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179. Look, we just thought
it was a bad movie.
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180. So tell us how to get in touch
with Mel Gibson.
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181. If I knew where Mel Gibson was,
I'd be down on the floor
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182. licking his balls
at this very moment, sir.
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183. All I know is he lives
somewhere in Malibu.
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184. Now stop wasting me
and Mel Gibson's time,
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185. you little wussy prick.
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186. Don't take that tone with me.
I'll kick your ass.
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187. Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you
try, asshole!
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188. I'm like 6 feet tall!
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189. I don't care. You sound
like a little bitch to me!
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190. Bitch, don't call me bitch!
I'll pop your fucking head open!
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191. You want to bring it,
you little pussy?
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192. I already brought it, bitch!
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193. I brought it, set it down on
the table, and opened it, bitch!
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194. Wait a minute.
Cartman?
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195. Ooh.
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196. Come on, Kenny.
We're going to Malibu.
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197. - Mrph? Mrph rm?
- We'll take the bus!
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198. Look, this isn't about
the $18 ticket money anymore.
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199. This is about being able to hold
bad filmmakers responsible.
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200. This is like when we got our
money back for "BASEketball."
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201. Eric, sweetie, there's a bunch
of people showing up
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202. in our backyard saying something
about a meeting.
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203. Yeah, Mom, I'm holding a meeting
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204. for all the people who loved
"The Passion" as much as I did.
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205. Oh, that's great, sweetie!
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206. - Tell them I'll be down shortly.
- Okay, hon.
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207. Toten sie die Juden!
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208. Wir konnen nicht stillstehen,
bis sie alle tot sind!
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209. Okay.
I'm ready.
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210. I am ready to do Thy bidding,
Mel Gibson.
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211. Hello. Are you folks holding
this "Passion" meeting?
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212. No, actually,
we're guests as well.
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213. I'm Jack Garrett,
and this is my wife, Elise.
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214. Hello.
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215. I think it's so great that
somebody took the initiative
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216. to have a meeting like this.
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217. Oh, I agree.
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218. There are so many of us
who were moved by "The Passion."
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219. It's a perfect idea
to have us organize
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220. so we can strengthen
the Christian community.
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221. And apparently the organizer
is just an 8-year-old boy
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222. who was touched by the film.
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223. Leave it to a child
to show us all the way, huh?
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224. So I seen this ad
on the Internet
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225. saying if you loved
"The Passion"
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226. to come to this meeting,
so here I am.
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227. It's great that everyone
came here to figure out
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228. how to use "The Passion"
to enrich everyone's lives!
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229. Uh, hello, everyone.
Achtung.
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230. My name is Eric Cartman,
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231. and I am the president
of the Mel Gibson Fan Club.
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232. Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
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233. I'm happy to see all of you
were affected by "The Passion"
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234. like I was.
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235. Now, we all know why we're here,
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236. and I believe we all know
what needs to be done.
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237. We sure do!
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238. But I think it's best we
don't talk out loud about it
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239. until we have most of them on
the trains heading to the camps.
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240. W-What does that mean, sweetie?
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241. I'm not sure, but —
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242. Folks, I just want to interrupt
for a second
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243. and say how remarkable it is
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244. that this little boy
brought us all together.
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245. "The Passion" is causing
a revolution of spirituality,
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246. and we owe Mel Gibson
and this little boy our thanks.
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247. Thank you. Thank you very much.
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248. Now, in order to do what
we all know needs to be done,
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249. we are first going to need
more support.
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250. I think we should all go out
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251. and take at least one other
person to see "The Passion."
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252. Oh, what a great idea!
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253. We each make it
our responsibility
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254. to convert one more person!
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255. - Great!
- Great idea.
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256. Yes, and then we can begin
the cleansing,
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257. if you know what I mean.
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258. We sure do!
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259. - All right!
- Whoo-hoo!
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260. Thank you.
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261. This must be the place.
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262. God damn.
Mel Gibson must be loaded!
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263. Yes?
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264. Oh, hi. Uh, my name is Stan,
and this is Kenny.
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265. Mrph.
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266. Um, we saw your movie "The
Passion," and we didn't like it.
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267. So can we have our money back,
please?
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268. You can't not like
"The Passion"!
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269. I just followed the Bible!
Christ died for you!
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270. Go home.
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271. Look, dude.
We came a long way.
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272. We're not leaving
until you give us our money.
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273. Oh, yeah? Well, you're gonna
have to find it first.
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274. But I won't tell you
where I keep my money.
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275. You can torture me all you want!
I still won't tell you!
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276. T-Torture you?
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277. Ah! So you do intend
to torture me, huh?
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278. Well, go ahead!
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279. Do your worst!
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280. You still won't get
your ticket money back!
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281. I can take whatever
you can dish out!
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282. - We don't want to torture you.
- I get it.
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283. But you don't have a choice.
Is that it?
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284. Well, go ahead!
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285. I just hope you don't use those
whips over there on the wall!
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286. Dude, can we please
just have $18 back from you?
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287. I have to use that money
to build my church.
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288. I've brought the fire and
brimstone back to Christianity
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289. with "The Passion," and now I'm
gonna start my own church.
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290. And do you know why?
So I can play banjo!
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291. Dude, this guy
is freakin' daffy.
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292. How dare you call me crazy?
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293. This means war!
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294. - Aah!
- Mm!
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295. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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296. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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297. And so it was that God sent
His only son down from heaven
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298. to die for our sins.
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299. Uh, okay, but did God
send Jesus to die
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300. or did Jesus just get
kind of screwed over?
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301. What is troubling you, my child?
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302. Well, I have this friend, see,
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303. and this friend belongs to a
certain chosen people of Israel.
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304. And it so happens that these
chosen people killed your Lord.
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305. Ah.
You mean he's a Jew.
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306. Right, but he can't live
with the guilt anymore,
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307. because even if Jesus wasn't
really the son of God,
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308. he was still a nice guy
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309. and didn't deserve what happened
to him in Mel Gibson's movie.
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310. I can't sleep at night —
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311. I mean my friend
can't sleep at night!
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312. Yes.
"The Passion" is very powerful.
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313. The truth is, there's not
a whole lot in the Bible
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314. about the crucifixion.
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315. "The Passion" was actually done
as a performance piece
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316. back in the Middle Ages
to incite people against Jews.
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317. But how can the Jews
make it better?
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318. Well, if you really care
about your friend's soul,
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319. then perhaps show him
the way of Jesus.
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320. Remember, Christianity
is about atonement.
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321. Wait. That's it.
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322. Atonement!
Of course!
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323. I know what I have to do now.
Thank you, Father!
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324. - Aah!
- Mm!
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325. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo!
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326. Two days ago, I saw a rig
that could haul that tanker.
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327. You want to get out of here?
You talk to me.
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328. Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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329. Mel Gibson is fucking crazy,
dude!
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330. Wait!
There's his wallet!
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331. Free-e-e-e-dom!
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332. Aw, crap!
He's only got twenties!
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333. You got $2, Kenny?
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334. Jesus is Lord!
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335. All right!
Let's get the hell out of here!
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336. Run, dude!
Run!
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337. Ka-plaaah!
Ka-plaaah!
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338. One month ago today, this
amazing film opened in theaters.
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339. And now we proud few gather here
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340. as a people brought together
by its message!
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341. Fellow fans of Mel Gibson,
our numbers have grown.
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342. And now, together, we have
the power to change the world.
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343. Now I believe
we should take to the streets
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344. and march in unwavering support
of this important movie.
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345. Oh, great idea!
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346. It'll be like a parade!
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347. - Good idea! That's great!
- Love it.
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348. And as we march
for "The Passion,"
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349. we should also voice
our support.
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350. So when I say,
"Es ist zeit zu saubern,"
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351. you all chant back,
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352. "Wir mussen
die Juden ausrotten"!
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353. What does that mean, dear?
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354. Oh, I think it's Aramaic —
You know, like in the movie!
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355. Ooh! Aramaic!
Cool!
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356. - Neato!
- That'll be awesome!
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357. What was our Aramaic line again?
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358. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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359. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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360. Est is zeit fur rache!
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361. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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362. Oh, this is fun!
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363. All right, everyone!
Forward... march!
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364. Es is zeit fur rache!
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365. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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366. Es is zeit fur rache!
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367. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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368. Nice.
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369. Shalom, hacknak, shalom.
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370. And now one of our fine young
schlockers, Kyle Broflovski,
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371. has asked if he could speak
to the congregation.
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372. Thank you, Rabbi.
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373. In 1973,
Copy !req
374. the United States
officially issued an apology
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375. to the African-American
community for slavery.
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376. In 1956,
Germany officially apologized
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377. for World War II
and the Holocaust.
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378. And now I believe, in 2004,
the Jewish community
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379. needs to apologize
for the death of Jesus.
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380. Wha-Wha-What?
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381. If we as a people
choose not to believe
Copy !req
382. that Jesus is the son of God,
then we can still apologize
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383. for the brutal way
in which he was killed
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384. and take our share
of the responsibility for it.
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385. Oh, my God!
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386. Kyle, what on earth
has gotten into you?
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387. I saw "The Passion"!
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388. - Oh, no!
- That movie again?
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389. "The Passion"?
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390. This proves the horrible
anti-Semitic effect
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391. that movie is having!
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392. Yeah, it makes Jews
into stereotypes.
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393. Stereotyping Jews is terrible!
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394. Something must be done
to stop that movie!
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395. Now, now.
Everyone, calm down.
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396. We live in a rational community,
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397. and everyone knows
this is just a movie.
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398. There's no cause for alarm.
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399. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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400. Es is zeit fur rache!
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401. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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402. Es is zeit fur rache!
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403. Wir mussen die Juden ausrotten!
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404. Es is zeit fur rache!
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405. Well, it looks like with these
bus tickets, we spent about $87
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406. getting our money back
from Mel Gibson.
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407. But I think it's the principle
that matters.
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408. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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409. Oh, you've got to be
shitting me.
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410. Give me back my money!
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411. God damn, that guy is crazy.
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412. - Hey, dude, you got to speed up.
- Huh?
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413. Mel Gibson is chasing after us.
You got to go faster.
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414. Ha ha. Very funny, kid.
Sit down and stop playing games.
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415. Mel Gibson is right behind you,
and he's gonna —
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416. What the hell?
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417. Ka-plaaah!
Ka-plaaah!
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418. Hey!
That's Mel Gibson!
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419. Yeah, I told you that!
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420. Well, what the hell
does he want?
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421. He wouldn't give us our
money back for "The Passion,"
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422. so we kind of took it.
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423. You didn't like "The Passion"?
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424. But it shows how Christ
suffered for you.
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425. Mel Gibson
is a very spiritual man.
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426. You guys, stop!
Please!
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427. You're gonna make people
hate us more!
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428. Can I help you?
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429. This movie is causing!
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430. You must remove it
from your theater!
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431. - That's right!
- Remove "The Passion"!
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432. Remove it from the theater?
Fat chance!
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433. We demand you stop showing it!
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434. - Yeah!
- Yeah!
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435. No, no, no!
Don't become an angry mob!
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436. The last time we did that,
we killed Jesus!
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437. Juden!
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438. What's going on here?
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439. They're trying to have
"The Passion"
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440. pulled from the theater.
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441. This film is anti-Semitic,
and it must be stopped!
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442. Nonsense! Mel Gibson
is a smart, spiritual man.
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443. There is nothing
anti-Semitic about it.
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444. It has reaffirmed
all of our faith in Christ.
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445. It's made one
of our little Jewish boys
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446. want to apologize
for the death of Jesus.
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447. Well... maybe you should
apologize.
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448. - That's right!
- Yeah!
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449. How dare you?
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450. Look out!
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451. Gaaaaaaagh!
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452. Raagh-raagh-raagh!
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453. Give me my $18!
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454. Mel Gibson!
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455. Oh, mein savior!
Mein fuehrer!
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456. You're actually here!
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457. Mr. Gibson,
I have assembled the masses!
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458. We are ready to do Thy bidding!
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459. Have I been a good boy,
Mr. Gibson?
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460. Agh!
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461. So! You boys have led me here
to your secret base, huh?
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462. I guess now you're gonna
start torturing me!
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463. Agh!
Oh, my nipples are so tender!
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464. Don't squeeze them anymore!
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465. That's... Mel Gibson?
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466. H-He's not quite as eloquent
as I had pictured.
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467. Well...
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468. I'll bet you want to torture me
now, don't you?
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469. Dude, what's wrong with him?
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470. He's cuckoo, dude.
He's absolutely out of his mind.
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471. You!
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472. You would all love
to torture me, wouldn't you?
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473. Okay. Fine.
See what you can fit in there.
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474. I can take it!
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475. Dude, I've been freaked out
this whole time
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476. because of that guy's movie?
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477. Fine!
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478. If nobody here is man enough
to torture me,
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479. then just give me my $18.
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480. It's our $18.
Your movie sucked!
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481. You can't say my movie sucked
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482. or else you're saying
Christianity sucks!
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483. No, dude. If you want to be
Christian, that's cool.
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484. But you should follow
what Jesus taught
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485. instead of how he got killed.
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486. Focusing on how he got killed
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487. is what people did
in the Dark Ages,
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488. and it ends up
with really bad results.
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489. You know, he's right, Elise.
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490. We shouldn't focus our faith
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491. on the torture and execution
of Christ.
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492. Yeah. Lots of people
got crucified in those times.
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493. We shouldn't rely on violence
to inspire faith.
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494. Aw — Aw, no!
Come on, people!
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495. We're so close to completing
my final solution!
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496. Oh, dude, I feel so much better
about being Jewish
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497. now that I see that Mel Gibson
is just a big wacko douche.
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498. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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