1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Wow, dude.Copy !req
3. Man, Indians have it good, huh?Copy !req
4. Now, Eric, they're called
Native Americans, remember?Copy !req
5. Show some respect.Copy !req
6. Welcome to
the Three Feathers Casino.Copy !req
7. I am your host,
Chief Runs With Premise.Copy !req
8. Please try your luck
at one of our many games.Copy !req
9. All right!
Let's go!Copy !req
10. Hup! I am afraid minors
cannot go onto the casino floor.Copy !req
11. I'm not a miner, dumb-ass.
You see a shovel in my hand?Copy !req
12. You kids can enjoy
our Native American comedy club.Copy !req
13. All right.
We're gonna hit the tables.Copy !req
14. Why don't you kids run along
to the comedy club?Copy !req
15. All right.
Time to win some money!Copy !req
16. Oh, yeah.
Blackjack table!Copy !req
17. Welcome to the blackjack table.Copy !req
18. May luck run through you
like the spirit of the buffalo.Copy !req
19. Gerald, this is $10 a hand!Copy !req
20. Relax, sweetie.Copy !req
21. I know how to count cards.Copy !req
22. Well, I don't want to play here.Copy !req
23. Yeah. Come on, Sheila.
Let's go to the nickel slots.Copy !req
24. Ooh!
The nickel slots!Copy !req
25. You might win the $30 jackpot!Copy !req
26. Ah, women, huh?
God, I hate 'em.Copy !req
27. All right! Time to show
these people how to gamble!Copy !req
28. Welcome to
the Three Feathers Comedy Club.Copy !req
29. Please put your hands together
for Johnny Manymoons!Copy !req
30. What is Native American comedy,
anyway?Copy !req
31. Thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
32. Bear walked into a bar.Copy !req
33. Bear said to deer,
"May I please...Copy !req
34. have a drink?"Copy !req
35. And so deer said to bear,
"Why the big pause?"Copy !req
36. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
37. Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
38. Many moons ago, pony and eagle
walked up to coyote.Copy !req
39. Pony said to coyote,
"I am very mad at eagle.Copy !req
40. Will you yell at him for me?"Copy !req
41. Coyote said to pony,
"Why can you not yell yourself?"Copy !req
42. And pony replied,
"Because I am a little hoarse."Copy !req
43. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
44. How's it going, Gerald?Copy !req
45. Oh, not so good.Copy !req
46. Yeah. I know what you mean.
I'm down 300 bucks.Copy !req
47. Yeah.
I'm down $26,000.Copy !req
48. Yeah. Well, maybe we should —
Wait. $26,000?Copy !req
49. I forgot to tell you.
I have a gambling problem.Copy !req
50. Gerald, $26,000 —Copy !req
51. Shh! I have to win it back
before Sheila finds out!Copy !req
52. Where did you get
that kind of money?Copy !req
53. The casino gave me credit.Copy !req
54. I put the house up
as collateral.Copy !req
55. But I still have this $10 chip!Copy !req
56. Dealer 21.
Sorry.Copy !req
57. That's it.
I'm destitute.Copy !req
58. Loan me money! You've got
to have money in the cup!Copy !req
59. W-What's in the cup?
- Just six quarters!Copy !req
60. Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
61. Thank you for playing
at Three Feathers.Copy !req
62. May your life be filled
with the song of the sparrow.Copy !req
63. Oh, shove the song
of the sparrow up your ass!Copy !req
64. How am I gonna tell my family?Copy !req
65. How do I tell them
that tomorrow,Copy !req
66. we have to pack up our things
and get out of the house?Copy !req
67. There's Daddy!Copy !req
68. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
69. Where have you guys been?
We've been looking all over.Copy !req
70. Yeah. Come on, Dad.
This place sucks!Copy !req
71. I want to go!Copy !req
72. Wha— What did you say?Copy !req
73. I said I want to leave!Copy !req
74. Oh!
You want to leave, huh?Copy !req
75. Okay.
Fine, Kyle.Copy !req
76. When we get home,
we'll just pack up our things,Copy !req
77. load 'em in the car,
and we'll leave!Copy !req
78. What?
No, no. I mean —Copy !req
79. No, no, no. If you want to
leave South Park, fine!Copy !req
80. Tomorrow we're leaving!Copy !req
81. Gerald, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
82. Oh, you heard him, Sheila.
Kyle wants to leave.Copy !req
83. Our nice old house doesn't
"interest" Kyle anymore.Copy !req
84. Well, I'm calling
a moving company right now!Copy !req
85. Well, you shouldn't be
such a dick, dude.Copy !req
86. What's wrong with Gerald?Copy !req
87. He — He lost his house
to the Native Americans.Copy !req
88. What?Copy !req
89. But don't the Native Americans
know he has nowhere else to go?Copy !req
90. They don't care.Copy !req
91. Look at them.Copy !req
92. Small-minded idiots
pouring their life savings away.Copy !req
93. Their cash flows out of them
like diarrhea from the buffalo.Copy !req
94. Yes, but we have milked these
simple mountain folk almost dry.Copy !req
95. If we really want to see
cash flow,Copy !req
96. we need to bring in city people
from Denver.Copy !req
97. Yes.Copy !req
98. It is time for us to implement
our plan —Copy !req
99. a superhighway, built from
Denver right to our casino.Copy !req
100. And what do we do about
the small town of South ParkCopy !req
101. that lies in the highway's way?Copy !req
102. Simple.Copy !req
103. We buy it... and we demolish it.Copy !req
104. Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
105. Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
106. And that's really
all I can tell you.Copy !req
107. The town of South Park
is going to be leveledCopy !req
108. in order to make way
for a 12-lane superhighway.Copy !req
109. But how can they do that?Copy !req
110. The Native AmericansCopy !req
111. have purchased the land out
from under us.Copy !req
112. Tomorrow they're buying
the last of what they needCopy !req
113. to have complete ownership.Copy !req
114. Well, can't we stop them?
Let's call the bank!Copy !req
115. The Native Americans
bought the bank.Copy !req
116. Oh, my God.Copy !req
117. Now, look,
it isn't all horrible.Copy !req
118. The Native Americans are
offering you retail valuesCopy !req
119. on your homes.Copy !req
120. No!
Screw that!Copy !req
121. We'll just pool
our money togetherCopy !req
122. and buy the town ourselves!Copy !req
123. That's right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
124. Yeah! Let the South Park people
own South Park!Copy !req
125. Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
126. How much do we have to raise,
Mayor?Copy !req
127. $300,000.Copy !req
128. Ooh.
- Oh.Copy !req
129. Oh.
Never mind.Copy !req
130. How can they do that, huh?Copy !req
131. How can they make us
all move away?Copy !req
132. Because they're rich,
greedy-ass Indians.Copy !req
133. Native Americans.Copy !req
134. Our whole town, gone.Copy !req
135. We've had such great times here.Copy !req
136. My God!Copy !req
137. Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
138. Oh!Copy !req
139. Aah!Copy !req
140. We can't let them do it,
you guys!Copy !req
141. We have to find a way to stop
those Native Americans!Copy !req
142. Yeah!Copy !req
143. Yeah.
This is our town!Copy !req
144. We shouldn't have to make
new friends somewhere else.Copy !req
145. We're a team!
- Yeah!Copy !req
146. That's right!
- Yeah, that's right!Copy !req
147. Yeah.
We're a team.Copy !req
148. We just have to figure out
a way to raise $300,000.Copy !req
149. Wait a minute!
I've got it, you guys!Copy !req
150. We can get Kyle infected
with AIDSCopy !req
151. and then start
a charity organizationCopy !req
152. that we steal money from!Copy !req
153. Come on!
Let's go!Copy !req
154. No?
We can't give Kyle AIDS?Copy !req
155. We need something that will
get us money tomorrow.Copy !req
156. Hey! I know!
How about a dog parade?Copy !req
157. Dog parade?
- Yeah.Copy !req
158. We dress up all our dogs
in little outfitsCopy !req
159. and parade them down the street.Copy !req
160. It'll be so adorable!Copy !req
161. How do we make $300,000
doing that?Copy !req
162. Oh.Copy !req
163. Well, we could sell tickets
to our moms and dads!Copy !req
164. Our moms and dads are the ones
who need money, Butters!Copy !req
165. Oh.Copy !req
166. Maybe give Kyle AIDS, huh?
Looking a little better now.Copy !req
167. Oh, Gerald, I-I can't watch!Copy !req
168. How can you do this to people?Copy !req
169. We're sorry, but if we do not
build a superhighway,Copy !req
170. our casino might stop seeing
profits.Copy !req
171. There's more to life
than profits.Copy !req
172. Like what?Copy !req
173. Well, like, you know...
Slurpees and stuff.Copy !req
174. Well, come on, honey.Copy !req
175. I guess we should start
packing up our things as well.Copy !req
176. Yeah.
So long, South Park.Copy !req
177. Mom! Dad!Copy !req
178. We figured out a way
we could raise $300,000!Copy !req
179. A dog parade?
- No!Copy !req
180. Stan, we've all tried
to raise money,Copy !req
181. but we only raised $10,000,
and the deadline is tomorrow.Copy !req
182. I know, so how about we take
the $10,000Copy !req
183. back to the Indian casino?Copy !req
184. Tell them, Kyle.Copy !req
185. The odds on a single number
in roulette are 35 to 1.Copy !req
186. That means with a $10,000 bet,
you win $350,000!Copy !req
187. Boys, that's ridiculous.Copy !req
188. Look, we— we've got
nothing to lose.Copy !req
189. What do you guys think?
- It's a long shot.Copy !req
190. Yeah, but it's the only shot
we've got to save our town.Copy !req
191. "The residents of South Park
had hoped to raise $300,000Copy !req
192. but in the end managed to raise
only $10,000.Copy !req
193. The loss of their town
may be imminentCopy !req
194. for the poor people
of South Park."Copy !req
195. Aw, I fink I'm going to cwy!Copy !req
196. Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!Copy !req
197. All right, boys.
You're gonna have to wait here.Copy !req
198. Dad.Copy !req
199. Good luck.Copy !req
200. It's in God's hands now.Copy !req
201. Stand aside, everyone!Copy !req
202. What are they doing?Copy !req
203. We're gonna try to beat you
at your own game,Copy !req
204. Chief Runs With Premise!Copy !req
205. $10,000 on 31 black.Copy !req
206. Impossible.Copy !req
207. Come on.
Come on.Copy !req
208. 31... black.Copy !req
209. Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
210. Oh, we did it!
We did it!Copy !req
211. Oh, my God!
- Oh, this is amazing!Copy !req
212. We did it!
- No! No!Copy !req
213. South Park is saved!Copy !req
214. We have plenty enough
to save our town now!Copy !req
215. Yeah!
But wait. $350,000.Copy !req
216. That means if we won again,
it would be $121/4 million!Copy !req
217. We could save the town
and be super rich!Copy !req
218. Oh, hell, yeah!
Let it ride! Let it ride!Copy !req
219. What the hell are they doing?Copy !req
220. Let's go, 31!
Let's see it!Copy !req
221. 2 red.
You lose.Copy !req
222. Ohh!Copy !req
223. Damn it!Copy !req
224. Hm!Copy !req
225. They — They had it!Copy !req
226. They freakin' had it!Copy !req
227. You totally had it.Copy !req
228. You had enough to save the town
and then some.Copy !req
229. Stan, okay?Copy !req
230. You just don't understand
the fine points of gambling.Copy !req
231. You're never supposed to stop
when you're on a winning streak.Copy !req
232. A winning streak?
You played one game!Copy !req
233. Stan, okay?
- What?Copy !req
234. All right, Stan.
Okay?Copy !req
235. You people just got greedy,
like the Native Americans.Copy !req
236. Hey, mister!
We're not like them, all right?Copy !req
237. Now, we may have pie-in-the-sky
dreams once in a while,Copy !req
238. but we aren't the ones kicking
people out of their homes.Copy !req
239. So don't you compare us
to those coldhearted,Copy !req
240. moneygrubbing, evil,
stinky Indians!Copy !req
241. I'm sorry — Native Americans.Copy !req
242. There you are, sir.
There's the check for your home.Copy !req
243. Just sign here and here.Copy !req
244. Well, this is it, Mr. Slave.
We're officially homeless.Copy !req
245. Jesus — Jesus Christ!Copy !req
246. Dad, what are you doing?
Don't take their dirty money!Copy !req
247. Stanley, we don't have a choice.Copy !req
248. The Native Americans own
South Park now.Copy !req
249. We have to take what they'll
give us for our homes.Copy !req
250. There you go.
Have a nice day.Copy !req
251. Come on, you guys.
This is our town!Copy !req
252. It's over, Stanley.
What else can we do?Copy !req
253. We can stay... and fight.
- Yeah.Copy !req
254. When the Indians
come to tear up our town,Copy !req
255. we kick 'em in the nuts!Copy !req
256. Mrph!Copy !req
257. Yeah. They don't own our town.
We do!Copy !req
258. I'm sorry, boys.Copy !req
259. You just don't understand
economics.Copy !req
260. It'll be okay, boys.Copy !req
261. We'll just move
to the next town over.Copy !req
262. Oh, sure.Copy !req
263. Until the Native Americans
decide they want that land, too.Copy !req
264. What if the Native Americans
just keep building their casinosCopy !req
265. and their highways until
we have nowhere else to go?Copy !req
266. We have to stand up to them now!Copy !req
267. Oh, forget it.
Come on, you guys!Copy !req
268. You're all a bunch
of goddamn pussies!Copy !req
269. Get out of our way!Copy !req
270. No! We won't let you destroy
our town!Copy !req
271. Boys, it isn't your town
anymore.Copy !req
272. Just because you have a piece
of paper saying you own itCopy !req
273. doesn't make it yours.Copy !req
274. We grew up here.
Our parents grew up here.Copy !req
275. We shop at that Wal-Mart
and eat at that Chili's.Copy !req
276. We take fish from the streamsCopy !req
277. and bread them and freeze them
to make fish sticks.Copy !req
278. This is not just a town.
It is our way of life.Copy !req
279. Well, your way of life
is about to change, little boys.Copy !req
280. Now, move!Copy !req
281. You can't just roll into places
and take people's lives away!Copy !req
282. And what are four little boys
going to do to stop us, huh?Copy !req
283. This land is not for sale.Copy !req
284. Damn it! I thought you said
they were dealt with!Copy !req
285. They were!Copy !req
286. Sorry, Charlies!Copy !req
287. You can just keep your filthy
bastard Indian money!Copy !req
288. Filthy bastard
Native American money.Copy !req
289. Oh, right.
Sorry about that!Copy !req
290. This isn't over!Copy !req
291. We'll never give up!
You bastards!Copy !req
292. Yeah.
South Park is ours!Copy !req
293. But what do we do now?Copy !req
294. I mean, we can't just stand here
and block their way forever.Copy !req
295. We can stand here
as long as it takes.Copy !req
296. What is the state of our people?Copy !req
297. Last night, I spoke with
The Spirit of the Bear,Copy !req
298. and Bear said that if we do not
build our superhighway soon,Copy !req
299. our investors may soon sell off
their shares of the new casino.Copy !req
300. Yes, and Eagle says the
cumulative shared market lossCopy !req
301. on the revenue of the new casino
drops 15% every day.Copy !req
302. Then we must force
the South Park peopleCopy !req
303. off their petty land.Copy !req
304. But they are determined
and proud,Copy !req
305. and the Spirit of the Wind
has stated that if we use force,Copy !req
306. it could be
a publicity nightmare,Copy !req
307. further hurting our net assets.Copy !req
308. I already have a plan how we
can force them off their land...Copy !req
309. sneakily.Copy !req
310. We're going to give them...
blankets!Copy !req
311. Blankets?Copy !req
312. Yes. We will present the
blankets as a peace offering.Copy !req
313. But what the round eyes
will not knowCopy !req
314. is that the blankets
are infected with SARS!Copy !req
315. They will all get SARS,Copy !req
316. and then SARS will run through
their town like a buffalo.Copy !req
317. Now, I need your help getting
the SARS onto the blankets.Copy !req
318. Okay.
Bring them in!Copy !req
319. Let's see how South Park
deals with this!Copy !req
320. Everyone, grab a Chinese person
and rub them on a blanket.Copy !req
321. Make sure you rub them all over!Copy !req
322. Get the SARS
nice and deep in there.Copy !req
323. Tom, I'm standing
in chilly South Park, Colorado,Copy !req
324. where the residents
are entering the third dayCopy !req
325. of their sit-in to try
and stop Native AmericansCopy !req
326. from building a superhighway
through their town.Copy !req
327. The temperature is low,
but spirits are pretty low, too.Copy !req
328. What do they want?Copy !req
329. We're not moving, ass-faces!Copy !req
330. Free blanket?Copy !req
331. Though we know
we have differences,Copy !req
332. we believe that a compromise
can be reached.Copy !req
333. In the meantime, it hurts us
to see you all on televisionCopy !req
334. sitting in the cold.Copy !req
335. Will you not take this offering
as a gesture of goodwill?Copy !req
336. You had me at "free blanket."Copy !req
337. Free blanket?
Free blanket?Copy !req
338. Blanket?Copy !req
339. Tom, it now looks
as if the Native AmericansCopy !req
340. are handing out blankets
as a sign of goodwillCopy !req
341. towards the South Park people.Copy !req
342. What an incredible display
of compassion.Copy !req
343. I certainly hope there's
nothing sinister behind it.Copy !req
344. Please, as a token
of good faith.Copy !req
345. You understand if I'm
a little wary of trusting you.Copy !req
346. It is only a blanket, Mr. Marsh.Copy !req
347. Well, thanks.Copy !req
348. Oh.
You're welcome.Copy !req
349. Tom, it's Tuesday morning now,Copy !req
350. and the outbreak of SARS
in South ParkCopy !req
351. has reached epic proportions.Copy !req
352. The entire town
has been quarantinedCopy !req
353. by the federal government,
nobody allowed in or out,Copy !req
354. which means nobody can come
to our aid.Copy !req
355. It appears this town
and this reporter are done for.Copy !req
356. Coming up next — choosing
the right hair conditioner.Copy !req
357. What you don't know
about hair-care productsCopy !req
358. could be costing you a bundle.Copy !req
359. It's all right, Dad.Copy !req
360. How's your... mother?Copy !req
361. She's hanging in there.
Here. Drink some beer.Copy !req
362. It's cool on my tongue.Copy !req
363. You're gonna be all right.Copy !req
364. Stanley, listen to me.
I have SARS.Copy !req
365. There's only a 98% chance
that I will live.Copy !req
366. No, Dad!
No!Copy !req
367. Listen, Stan!Copy !req
368. SARS is destroying our people.Copy !req
369. The Native Americans put it
in the blankets they gave us.Copy !req
370. Soon there will be
only 98% of us left.Copy !req
371. What can I do?Copy !req
372. You... must find a cure
for SARS, son,Copy !req
373. and save our people.Copy !req
374. Cure SARS?
Aw, Jesus!Copy !req
375. The spirit of middle-class white
people is strong in you, Stan.Copy !req
376. Seek out the wise man
in Bellocreek.Copy !req
377. Now, go!
Go!Copy !req
378. What?Copy !req
379. Hey, my name's Stan,
and I was —Copy !req
380. Your coming was foretold to me.Copy !req
381. You've come to save our people.Copy !req
382. Come in.Copy !req
383. Watch the cats.Copy !req
384. Uh, so, do you know
how to cure SARS?Copy !req
385. Me?
No. I am just a guide.Copy !req
386. Sit down.Copy !req
387. You must find the answer
yourselfCopy !req
388. by taking an inward journey.Copy !req
389. An inward journey?
That sounds kind of gay.Copy !req
390. Let the voices of our ancestors
show you the way.Copy !req
391. Breathe.
Breathe from the bag of visions.Copy !req
392. Ugh!
Oh, dude!Copy !req
393. How much longer must we wait
for our superhighway?Copy !req
394. SARS has spread throughout
the entire town of South Park,Copy !req
395. Chief Runs With Premise.Copy !req
396. Their wills will break soon.Copy !req
397. Then I suppose
we must be patient.Copy !req
398. Runs With Premise,
come quickly!Copy !req
399. What is the matter, wife?Copy !req
400. It is our son,
Premise Running Thin.Copy !req
401. He is very sick!Copy !req
402. Premise Running Thin,
what is the matter?Copy !req
403. He — He shared a glass with
one of the people from China.Copy !req
404. He has SARS.Copy !req
405. No!
I told you not to touch them!Copy !req
406. Papa.
Papa.Copy !req
407. I have given him herbs
from the desert plantCopy !req
408. and water from the cactus
of life,Copy !req
409. but nothing seems to be working.Copy !req
410. This would not have happenedCopy !req
411. if those townspeople
would have just moved away!Copy !req
412. No more waiting around.Copy !req
413. Tomorrow we begin
the final stage of our plan —Copy !req
414. shock and awe!Copy !req
415. Dad! Dad!Copy !req
416. Stanley!Copy !req
417. Did you have an inward journey
with the old man?Copy !req
418. Did you have a vision?Copy !req
419. I don't know if I did or not.
I-I saw something.Copy !req
420. Someone spoke to meCopy !req
421. and told me the middle-class
white way to cure SARS —Copy !req
422. Campbell's chicken noodle soup,
DayQuil, and Sprite.Copy !req
423. Yes.
Yes. Of course.Copy !req
424. Quickly, Stan!
We must give it to everyone.Copy !req
425. Boy, that really did the trick,
Stan.Copy !req
426. I thought we were kind of
sort of not really done for!Copy !req
427. Thanks to you,
we're all safe now, Stan.Copy !req
428. Aah!Copy !req
429. Now I will blow your weak,
SARS-infested bodiesCopy !req
430. off the earth!Copy !req
431. What the...Copy !req
432. Wait a minute.
Stop! Stop!Copy !req
433. Your — Your SARS —
Where did it go?Copy !req
434. We have cured ourselvesCopy !req
435. using the medicines
of our culture.Copy !req
436. My son, Premise Running Thin,
has the SARS as well.Copy !req
437. You — You can cure him?Copy !req
438. It is amazing.Copy !req
439. All our plants and herbs
failed to heal him.Copy !req
440. But your people's remedyCopy !req
441. brings the spirit of the buffalo
back into his heart.Copy !req
442. Perhaps there are many things we
can learn from your way of life.Copy !req
443. We're a simple people.Copy !req
444. All we want is to be allowed
to live our lives.Copy !req
445. You have cured
Premise Running Thin.Copy !req
446. In return, I shall give you all
$5 credit at the casino.Copy !req
447. All right.
All right.Copy !req
448. I will not build a superhighway
through your town,Copy !req
449. and you can
all have your homes back.Copy !req
450. All right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
451. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
452. Well, I guess we all learnedCopy !req
453. that South Park
is more than just a town.Copy !req
454. It's a community
that nobody can split up.Copy !req
455. Dude, who the hell are you?Copy !req
456. Alex.Copy !req
457. Alex Glick?Copy !req
458. I got to come on
and do the guest-voice thingy.Copy !req
459. What?
Get the hell out of here!Copy !req
460. Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!
Hi, Jill!Copy !req