1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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2. And in conclusion,
the Latino community
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3. has provided America
and indeed the entire world
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4. with innovations
that we would be lost without.
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5. And that is my presentation
on the role of Hispanics
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6. in American technology.
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7. Thank you.
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8. Okay.
Thank you, Kyle Broflovski.
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9. That was very good, Kyle.
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10. I think the Latino Endowment
Council was very happy
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11. with your presentation.
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12. Looks like you might win.
- Cool!
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13. All right, students,
members of the school board.
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14. Our last speaker will discuss
the important role
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15. of Latinos in the arts.
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16. Here is Eric Cartman.
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17. Eric Cartman?
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18. Thank you.
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19. The Latino culture
has been very influential
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20. on the arts in America.
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21. But you don't have to ask me.
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22. You can ask my special guest,
Ms. Jennifer Lopez.
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23. Jennifer Lopez?
- No way.
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24. Ms. Lopez, come on out here.
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25. Hello!
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26. Oh, Jesus Christ.
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27. My name is Hennifer Hlopez.
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28. I eat tacos y burritos.
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29. Ms. Lopez, would you like to
talk about Latinos in the arts?
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30. Oh, sí, sí.
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31. But first I would like to
put on my pretty dress.
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32. Oh, you mean this one?
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33. Oh, sí, sí, sí.
I like it very much.
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34. There we go.
'S all right?
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35. 'S all right.
- That's a very pretty dress.
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36. It better be.
I am Hennifer Hlopez!
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37. No, no, no.
You're Jennifer Lopez.
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38. Sí, sí.
Hennifer Hlopez.
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39. No, no. J—
- H—
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40. J—
- H—
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41. J—
- J—
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42. Jennifer Lopez.
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43. Hennifer Hlopez.
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44. Ms. Lopez, could you show
everyone your special example
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45. of Latino art?
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46. And that is my presentation
on Latinos in the arts.
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47. Thank you.
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48. Oh, man!
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49. A $20 gift certificate
at the mall!
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50. I can buy whatever I want!
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51. Cultural Diversity Day
kicks ass!
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52. It isn't fair.
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53. I spent weeks preparing
my speech on Latino culture.
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54. Hey, I spent weeks
preparing, too, Kyle.
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55. No, you didn't, asshole!
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56. What you did was totally stupid
and racist,
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57. and you only did it
to screw me over!
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58. Aw, I don't think Kyle
likes you, Ms. Lopez.
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59. Aw.
That makes me muy triste.
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60. Ms. Lopez, do you like Kyle?
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61. Oh, sí, sí.
Very much.
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62. Ms. Lopez, would you like
to give Kyle a kiss?
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63. Oh, sí, sí, sí.
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64. My kisses taste like tacos.
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65. Is nice?
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66. Very nice.
He's so handsome.
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67. Stop it!
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68. Hey, come on, guys!
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69. We can use part
of my gift certificate
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70. to buy food at the food court!
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71. Mrph rmh!
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72. Mmm! Tacos!
So yummy!
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73. Stop wasting the tacos
on your hand, Cartman.
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74. Hey, Ms. Lopez has to eat, too.
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75. She's not eating it. It's just
coming out her backside.
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76. When you eat a taco, it comes
out your backside, too, cholo.
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77. Look! Look!
Make your own music video!
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78. No, no, no.
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79. We're not going into one of
those cheesy places, Cartman.
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80. I agree.
Those places are stupid.
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81. It's not stupid!
I need to make music video!
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82. Look, we're not going in there,
so just —
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83. Wait. Why the hell am I
talking to your hand?
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84. Look, we're not going in there,
so just knock it off!
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85. Hey, I'm on your guys' side.
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86. Just wait one minute.
Let me see how much it is.
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87. God damn it.
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88. Welcome to Make Your Own Video.
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89. All set to rock 'n' roll?
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90. How much to make a video?
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91. Uh, well, it's $9.95
for a three-minute tape.
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92. Ha!
We're not paying $9.95.
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93. Oh, please!
Come on, guys!
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94. Cartman, will you stop
this gayness?
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95. All right. All right.
Here's $10.
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96. That's not what I meant!
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97. Just come over here and stand
in front of the green screen.
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98. What kind of song do you want?
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99. Something hot and spicy!
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100. Spicier.
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101. Spicier!
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102. You know, I've seen a lot
of videos here at the mall,
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103. and that was by far the best!
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104. Oh, gracias, Michael.
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105. Hey, I've got a friend
who's interning
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106. at a big record label in L.A.
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107. I'll send a copy on to him,
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108. and maybe he'll get
the bigwigs to see it.
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109. Oh, gracias, Michael!
Gracias!
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110. Can we go now, please?
- Yeah. I want to leave.
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111. Stop it, Cartman!
- What?
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112. She's fantastic!
Who is she?
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113. Believe it or not,
her name is Jennifer Lopez.
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114. Well, that makes sense.
She reminds me of J-Lo.
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115. Yeah, but she's younger
and spicier!
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116. I don't think J-Lo
would like it very much
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117. if we signed this new girl.
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118. No.
You're right.
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119. We're gonna have to fire J-Lo.
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120. Hello?
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121. BHI Records?
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122. Oh, it's for you, Ms. Lopez.
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123. Oh, sí, sí, sí.
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124. Hello!
- What do they want?
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125. Just a second.
I'm trying to hear.
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126. 'S all right?
- 'S all right.
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127. Yes, yes.
This is Ms. Hlopez.
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128. Uh-huh.
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129. What? What?
- Oh, my God!
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130. I can't believe it!
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131. Hello?
You still there?
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132. They want to sign me
to the record company!
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133. You want to sign Ms. Lopez?
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134. Oh, my God!
It's happening for me!
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135. Yes! Yes, we can record
an album next week!
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136. Sure, we can write 10 songs!
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137. We'll start tonight!
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138. We're gonna be rich!
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139. We're gonna be famous!
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140. Come on! We got to get to work
on some songs!
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141. There. That's three more songs
we've written already!
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142. Your style of music is so easy,
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143. it doesn't require
any thought at all!
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144. Oh, sí, sí, sí.
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145. Okay, Ms. Lopez.
Time to go to sleep.
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146. Oh, I'm so sleepy.
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147. Good night, Ms. Lopez.
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148. Tomorrow is gonna be
a great day.
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149. A great day tomorrow...
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150. tomorrow...
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151. Kyle, you were wrong!
We did get a record deal!
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152. You were wrong, Kyle!
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153. Awesome!
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154. Yes!
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155. Ahh...
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156. Ahh...
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157. Ms. Lopez!
- Jennifer! Right here!
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158. We love you, Jennifer!
Over here!
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159. We love you, Jennifer!
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160. Ahh...
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161. Ah, Ms. Lopez! Come on in.
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162. Yo, make it quick.
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163. I got a video shoot at 2:00
and a script reading at 5:00.
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164. Yes. Well, Ms. Lopez, we regret
to inform you that, uh,
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165. we're dropping you
from the label.
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166. What?
Oh, no, you di'n't!
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167. We want to thank you for all
your hard work and..."talent."
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168. You can't drop me!
I'm Jennifer Lopez!
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169. How can you drop me?
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170. W-Well, a very talented
younger singer
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171. has come to our attention.
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172. And — And the truth
of the matter is,
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173. her name happens to be
Jennifer Lopez as well.
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174. And we really can't have two
here at BHI records.
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175. Who the hell is this
other Jennifer Lopez?
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176. Where is she come from?
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177. Well, she lives in South Park,
Colorado, now.
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178. But I-I believe she's originally
from Mexico, just like you.
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179. I don't come from no Mexico!
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180. I'm Puerto Rican!
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181. Whatever.
Look, it's nothing personal.
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182. We just think
you need to move on.
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183. And you're a meanspirited bitch
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184. who spits on people
who aren't rich and famous.
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185. And sources say that the
new film will star Ben Affleck.
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186. That's me.
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187. How'd it go, baby?
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188. Terrible, Ben!
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189. Some girl in Colorado
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190. is trying to become
the new Jennifer Lopez!
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191. Shut up!
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192. What?
Who could replace you?
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193. Yo, driver!
Stupid driver!
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194. Yes, ma'am.
Where to?
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195. Take me to South Park, Colorado!
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196. I'm gonna kill that bitch!
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197. Hey, everybody, listen up!
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198. I've got something to tell Kyle!
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199. What?
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200. What are you gloating about?
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201. Oh, I'm not gloating.
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202. I just got a little call from
a record company in Los Angeles,
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203. and they want Ms. Lopez
to record an album next week.
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204. Really?
- Wow!
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205. - Really?
- No.
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206. Yeah. Looks like I'm gonna be
rich — and famous.
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207. Okay, children.
Let's take our seats.
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208. If you'll remember yesterday,
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209. we were discussing
state capitals —
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210. Hey! A big limousine just pulled
up in front of the school!
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211. Butters, will you
pay attention, please?
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212. Holy smokes!
It's Jennifer Lopez!
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213. Jennifer Lopez?
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214. Yes?
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215. Holy geez wow!
There's Ben Affleck, too!
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216. Wow! Cool!
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217. Will you kids shut up?
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218. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck
are not —
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219. Oh, my God. That's
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
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220. Oh, Jesus.
Will you look at those boots?
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221. Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's get outside!
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222. Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
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223. Is it true
Jennifer Lopez is here?
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224. Here she comes!
Here she comes!
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225. Okay!
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226. What smart-mouth
little punk-ass bitch
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227. has been saying they're
the new Jennifer Lopez, huh?
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228. J-Lo, can we get a picture
of you with the kids?
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229. No!
Shut up!
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230. If I find the ho who think
she's taking my career from me,
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231. I'm gonna wring her
pretty little neck.
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232. So, nobody wants to fess up,
huh?
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233. Too scared to talk?
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234. You better remember, bitch,
that I'll come and take you down
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235. if you ever say anything again.
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236. You can suck my culo, chica!
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237. Who was that?
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238. You got a problem?
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239. Not me!
- Then who?
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240. Hola, bitchola!
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241. What the hell is that?
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242. My name is Hennifer Hlopez,
and I like tacos and burritos.
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243. That?
That's what replaced me?
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244. I'm sure it was just a mistake.
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245. The only mistake was
when this ghetto trash
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246. got signed in the first place.
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247. Shut your Goddamn mouth!
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248. You fucking smart-ass!
Who do you think you are?
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249. Nobody!
- I am Hennifer Hlopez!
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250. I eat tacos and burritos!
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251. Fuck you!
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252. Aah!
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253. I'm sorry!
I-I'll stop! I'll stop!
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254. You better stop!
- I will!
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255. Come on, Jenny.
Let's go.
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256. Wow!
Ben Affleck!
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257. We should be getting
back to the...
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258. Don't you forget
what'll happen to you, ho!
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259. Come on, Benny!
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260. Well, there you go, fat ass.
I hope you learned your lesson.
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261. Yeah, I sure did.
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262. I don't think I should record
that album now.
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263. Good.
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264. Or maybe I should!
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265. Aw, God damn it.
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266. Oh, no, no, no, Ms. Lopez.
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267. Oh, sí, sí, sí, señor!
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268. That does it.
I'm out.
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269. Aw, where are you going, Kyle?
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270. Come give me kisses!
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271. All right, Ms. Lopez.
Let's take it from the top.
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272. Gentlemen,
we have ourselves a hit.
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273. What the hell are you doing?
- I am practicing my dancing!
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274. Look, we spent all night
at the recording studio.
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275. Now it's time to sleep!
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276. Dancing!
- Sleep!
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277. Dancing!
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278. Sleep.
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279. Dancing.
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280. Mom!
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281. What's the matter, sweetie?
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282. Ms. Lopez won't go to sleep!
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283. Yes?
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284. Hey, I was wondering
if I could talk to Ms. Lopez.
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285. She's not here right now.
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286. Ben?
Is that my darling Ben?
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287. Jenny?
Yes, Jenny, I-it's me!
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288. Where are you?
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289. Please.
I have to see her!
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290. Ben!
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291. Oh, you brought me r-r-r-roses!
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292. Jenny...
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293. Oh, Jenny, I just can't stop
thinking about you.
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294. I can't stop thinking
about you either, Ben!
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295. I've been meaning to write
a song or poem,
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296. but I have no talent.
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297. I know, my darling.
That's okay.
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298. Will you just take a ride
with me in my awesome car?
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299. Oh, Ben, I would love to!
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300. No!
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301. Excuse me one second, Ben.
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302. Don't you ruin this opportunity
for me.
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303. How can you stand in the way
of this?
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304. I'm not going out in his car.
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305. I'm not gonna let you blow
this one chance I have.
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306. I don't care. I'm supposed to
sit here and do my homework.
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307. Fine, fine, fine!
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308. Okay, Ben.
Let's go!
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309. Oh, Ben.
I am so happy —
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310. the cool breeze blowing through
my hair in your sexy automobile.
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311. Let's spend the whole day
together!
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312. Jenny, I have to tell you
something.
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313. I... I think I love you.
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314. Oh, I love you, too, Ben!
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315. But...
- But what?
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316. But what if you still have
feelings for the slut
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317. with the large ass?
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318. I still care for her.
Maybe I always will.
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319. But you just have
so much more going on...
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320. up here.
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321. Oh, Ben.
Ben...
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322. Jenny, can I kiss you?
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323. No!
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324. Yes! Oh, yes, Ben!
Kiss me!
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325. Aw, God damn it!
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326. Aw!
Aw, dude!
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327. Mmm.
Just like tacos.
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328. Taco-flavored kisses for my Ben.
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329. You're so hot, baby.
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330. I make you hot, Ben?
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331. Mmm, yeah.
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332. Oh, Jenny.
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333. Oh, Jenny.
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334. Ben.
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335. Oh, God!
Jenny!
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336. Oh, Ben, my darling.
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337. Oh! Sick!
Aw, that's it!
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338. We're leaving now!
- But I love her!
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339. Ben!
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340. Jenny!
Jenny, I'll call you!
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341. I love you, Ben!
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342. S-Stop! Stop!
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343. What the hell
is wrong with you?
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344. You cholos can't even keep
a beat!
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345. I deserve better than this!
I am Hennifer Hlopez!
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346. Where is my water?
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347. Not Evian!
Pellegrino, you stupid bitch!
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348. Uh, that's fine, Ms. Lopez.
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349. Look, it's been a long night.
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350. Why don't we pick it up
in the morning?
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351. Fine, my ass, cholo!
I'll tell you when it's fine!
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352. Stupid idiots!
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353. How am I supposed to make
an album with those cholos?
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354. You little snot nose!
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355. You ruin my career, and now
you're trying to steal my man?
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356. Oh, crap.
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357. You better stay away from him!
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358. Ow! Ow!
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359. Oh, Jesus!
Hey!
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360. Your son's hand
has a hairline fracture
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361. and two dislocated fingers.
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362. Oh, dear!
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363. But I'm more concerned
about his state of mind.
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364. Your son appears to be
completely insane.
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365. Ohh...
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366. Ohh...
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367. I told you this would happen.
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368. Oh, hello, guys.
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369. Cartman, you need to stop
this stupid game you're playing.
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370. Oh, Kyle, why you no like me?
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371. Kyle is right, Ms. Lopez.
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372. From now on, we're staying away
from Ben Affleck.
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373. I hate you.
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374. Come on, sweetie.
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375. Doctor says you need to get home
and get lots of rest.
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376. Aah!
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377. Mom!
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378. What is it, sweetie?
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379. Ben Affleck is naked in my bed!
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380. Ooh, looks like the tooth fairy
was extra happy with you!
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381. Buenos días, my love!
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382. Good morning, baby.
- You have to get out of here!
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383. Jennifer Lopez is gonna
kick my ass again!
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384. He's not going anywhere!
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385. Ben and I were up all night
making love!
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386. What? Aww!
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387. Ben Affleck's spooge!
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388. Should we tell him the news?
- What news?
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389. - think we should tell him.
- It's all right?
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390. 'S all right.
- 'S all right.
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391. We're getting married!
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392. Oh, balls.
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393. Come in.
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394. Come in!
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395. Guys, I need to talk to you.
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396. What's the matter?
- I can't handle it anymore —
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397. all the fame
and the Ben Affleck spooge.
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398. I-I just can't go on living
with Ms. Lopez.
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399. So stop doing it.
- Stop doing what?
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400. You know Goddamn well what.
Now, get out of here!
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401. Please, you guys.
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402. It's like I can't even have
a moment to myself anymore. See?
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403. Don't you dare ever do that
to me again!
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404. Oh, stop it, Cartman! Your hand
doesn't need to breathe!
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405. You try being in an oven mitt
for two hours!
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406. I can see your lips moving!
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407. I can see your lips moving,
too, culo!
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408. See?
I just saw your lips move!
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409. Look, I'm just asking
you guys for help.
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410. Will you please help me
with Ms. Lopez?
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411. What's she doing?
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412. Come here!
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413. You're not actually buying
this crap, are you?
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414. I don't know.
M-Maybe he can't help it.
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415. Look, he knows full well
what he's doing.
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416. And he's just waiting for us
to buy into it.
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417. And then he'll laugh and point
in our faces and say, "Ha ha!
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418. I got you guys to believe me!
You guys are stupid!"
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419. You really think
he would go through all this
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420. just to make us look dumb?
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421. Yes, dude!
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422. Cartman, we've decided
that if you can be mature
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423. and admit to everyone
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424. that you've gotten yourself into
this mess, then we'll help you.
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425. Okay, okay.
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426. I know that I control everything
Ms. Lopez does.
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427. Oh, no, you don't!
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428. Quiet, Ms. Lopez!
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429. Out.
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430. Guys!
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431. There you are, Jenny!
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432. I've been looking
all over for you, baby!
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433. Aah!
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434. Jenny?
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435. Ms. Lopez, you were due
in the studio two hours ago.
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436. Come on!
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437. So you're getting married, huh?
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438. Aah! Aah!
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439. Don't you hurt her!
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440. We'll sue you!
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441. Oh, Jesus.
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442. Aah!
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443. Freeze, leaf blower!
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444. Arrest that woman!
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445. She wants to kill
one of our artists!
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446. All right. You're going
downtown, bean breath.
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447. Jenny! Oh, I thought
I was going to lose you!
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448. Let's run away
and get married tonight!
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449. She can't get married tonight!
She has a recording session.
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450. Our love is like rain!
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451. That's what you said about me,
asshole!
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452. Quiet!
- Get her out of here!
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453. Fuck you!
- Shut up, picante pants!
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454. Everyone be quiet!
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455. I... I'm not who you think I am.
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456. You're not?
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457. No.
It was all a lie.
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458. A lie I cannot continue anymore.
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459. I am not Hennifer Hlopez.
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460. I am...
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461. Mitch Connor.
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462. Who's Mitch Connor?
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463. Just your run-of-the-mill
con man.
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464. I've been moving
from town to town,
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465. scamming people since I was 15.
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466. But I'm tired of runnin'.
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467. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
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468. I've been a cheat all my life,
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469. and now I've ruined
a singer's career,
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470. lost a record company millions,
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471. and cost this little boy
his precious time.
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472. Stop. It.
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473. Mostly, I'm sorry to you, Ben.
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474. I'm sorry I played tiddlywinks
with your heart.
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475. But it's over now.
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476. The cyanide pill I took should
be taking effect very soon.
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477. Hm.
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478. Looks like the sun
is going down.
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479. I wonder... will I dream?
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480. Well, looks like Mitch Connor
has cashed in his last chips.
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481. Dude, who the hell
is Mitch Connor?
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482. I don't know, Kyle, all right?
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483. Look, I don't care
what you guys believe.
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484. But with all the crazy stuff
that goes on in this town,
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485. isn't it possible —
just possible —
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486. that something I don't
understand happened here?
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487. All right. All right.
I guess it's possible.
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488. Okay, Ms. Lopez, over here
we have the topping station.
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489. This is where all your cheeses
and lettuce will go on.
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490. Ow!
Look out, muffin head!
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491. Uh, look, Ms. Lopez,
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492. if you're going to be a member
of the La Taco family,
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493. you're gonna have to learn
to get along with people.
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494. Get a what with who?
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495. Why don't you start chopping
those onions,
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496. and I'll check on you
a little later?
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497. This is bullshit!
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498. How the fuck did I end up
working at a La Taco?
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499. I had six platinum records,
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500. and I starred in five
Hollywood movies!
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501. Yeah.
Me too.
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