1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Okay, children,
let's take our seats.Copy !req
3. Did you take attendance,
Mr. Slave?Copy !req
4. All donesy-wonesy.Copy !req
5. Okay, let's all take out
our math homeworkCopy !req
6. and go over the problems.Copy !req
7. Math homework.
Math homework.Copy !req
8. Where did I file that?Copy !req
9. Oh, and by the way, children,
there's a walkoutCopy !req
10. scheduled today
to protest the war in Iraq.Copy !req
11. So if you're against the war,
run along outside.Copy !req
12. And if you're for the war, stay
here and we'll do math problems.Copy !req
13. What should we do?
- Let's go see a movie!Copy !req
14. No war! No war!Copy !req
15. No war! No war!Copy !req
16. No war! No war!Copy !req
17. No war! No war!
No war!Copy !req
18. No war, m'kay!Copy !req
19. No war, m'kay!Copy !req
20. Oh, uh, here you go, boys.
These will help you protest.Copy !req
21. It's good to see that you care
about peace, boys, m'kay.Copy !req
22. No war, m'kay!Copy !req
23. Excuse me, boys.
Tom Statsel, HBC News.Copy !req
24. Can you tell me why you kids
marched out of school today?Copy !req
25. Uh... war?Copy !req
26. Right.
What about the war?Copy !req
27. I-It's... It's gay?Copy !req
28. Uh-huh, and what aspect of it
do you think is most gay?Copy !req
29. Uh, no blood for oil!Copy !req
30. Yeah, war is not my voice.Copy !req
31. Bush is a nay-zee.Copy !req
32. Hey, all you
un-American bastards!Copy !req
33. If you don't like America,
why don't you get out?Copy !req
34. Yeah!Copy !req
35. Don't you call us un-American!Copy !req
36. This country was founded
on the right to protest, m'kay!Copy !req
37. Yeah!Copy !req
38. If the founding fathers
saw you burning your flagCopy !req
39. and calling the president
a Nazi,Copy !req
40. they'd roll over
in their graves!Copy !req
41. Yeah!Copy !req
42. The founding fathers would agree
with our right to protest.Copy !req
43. The founding fathers
would kick all your asses!Copy !req
44. Boys, what do you think
the founding fathers would say?Copy !req
45. T-The foggy who?Copy !req
46. Well, I hope you little commiesCopy !req
47. are pretty pleased
with yourselves —Copy !req
48. going out there
and protesting AmericaCopy !req
49. and then saying
on national televisionCopy !req
50. that you don't even know
who the founding fathers are!Copy !req
51. You kids don't know squat
about America, do you?Copy !req
52. W-Well, not really, no.Copy !req
53. Well, that's just jingles,Copy !req
54. because I'm assigning
all you little flag burnersCopy !req
55. a full report on 1776
and the founding fathers!Copy !req
56. Aw!Copy !req
57. Shut up! I want you all
in your study groups of four.Copy !req
58. And if you can't give
an outstanding reportCopy !req
59. on what the founding fathers
would have to sayCopy !req
60. about all this protesting,
then it's Fs for you!Copy !req
61. Ugh.Copy !req
62. Uh-ugh.Copy !req
63. I can't do it.Copy !req
64. This is way too much material
for a 9-year-old.Copy !req
65. Oh, no, you don't, Cartman!Copy !req
66. Every time we get put
in a study group,Copy !req
67. you sit on ass while the rest
of us do all the work!Copy !req
68. But you guys are such
better studiers than me.Copy !req
69. I know you can pull it off.Copy !req
70. You're gonna read this stuff
and study like the rest of us!Copy !req
71. Myaaa!Copy !req
72. M-M-Myaaa!Copy !req
73. Shut up and study!Copy !req
74. Myaaaa!
Mya, mya.Copy !req
75. Hmm, 1776, when our founding
fathers created America.Copy !req
76. I wonder what it used to be like
in those days...Copy !req
77. in those days...Copy !req
78. in those days... in those days.Copy !req
79. What are you doing?Copy !req
80. I'm trying to have a flashback.Copy !req
81. A mrph?Copy !req
82. You know, if I have a flashback,Copy !req
83. then I can see what 1776
was like firsthand.Copy !req
84. No, you just have to study.Copy !req
85. No. I've seen this work before.
Just give me a second.Copy !req
86. Oh, okay, okay.
How about this?Copy !req
87. Say, guys, 1776 was so long ago.Copy !req
88. I wonder what life would
have been like back then...Copy !req
89. back then... back then...Copy !req
90. back then.Copy !req
91. Uh... Oh, wait, wait.
I know, I know.Copy !req
92. You know, guys,
I don't even care about 1776.Copy !req
93. It was so long agoCopy !req
94. that I don't think it has
anything to do with me...Copy !req
95. with me...Copy !req
96. with —
anything to do with me...Copy !req
97. with me.Copy !req
98. That isn't gonna work, dumb-ass!Copy !req
99. Kids, let's keep it down
for study groupsCopy !req
100. or else Mr. Garrison's
going to punish me.Copy !req
101. Just face it, Cartman.
You're gonna have to study!Copy !req
102. Myaaa!Copy !req
103. M-M-M-Myaaa!Copy !req
104. There.
All finished.Copy !req
105. From now on, this is
the pro-war side of town,Copy !req
106. and that's the unpatriotic side.Copy !req
107. Yeah!
- That's right!Copy !req
108. How about we call this
the rational side of townCopy !req
109. and that the redneck side?Copy !req
110. You just keep
all your flag burningCopy !req
111. and your hippie-rock protest
songs on your side of the town!Copy !req
112. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
113. Your side of town
has the post office.Copy !req
114. Well, your side
has the grocery store.Copy !req
115. You can come to our side of town
to use the post officeCopy !req
116. if we can go to your side
to use the grocery store.Copy !req
117. Uh, can we cross the line
to take our kids to school?Copy !req
118. Well, naturally,
you can cross the line for that,Copy !req
119. just like we can cross the line
for hardware supplies, gas,Copy !req
120. and pharmaceutical needs.Copy !req
121. Yeah, okay.
- That's good.Copy !req
122. Hey, everybody,
this is never gonna work.Copy !req
123. Don't you see?Copy !req
124. All this dividin' up the town —
It's just ridiculous.Copy !req
125. What we really should be doingCopy !req
126. is just beating the hell
out of each other like we were.Copy !req
127. He's right.
Boy, do I feel like a fool.Copy !req
128. Cartman, what the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
129. You're supposed to be studying!
- That's what I'm doing.Copy !req
130. I'm about to find out
all about what happenedCopy !req
131. back in 1776.
- How?Copy !req
132. All I have to do is be thinking
about American historyCopy !req
133. when I walk through
this doorway.Copy !req
134. I'll trip the rope, causing
the rock to fall on my head,Copy !req
135. and then I will have a flashbackCopy !req
136. to the times
of our founding fathers!Copy !req
137. Cartman, you are hereby declared
a full-fledged retard.Copy !req
138. Make fun of me all you want,
Kyle,Copy !req
139. but I will have the last laugh.Copy !req
140. Gentlemen, if you will clear
the doorway, please.Copy !req
141. Oh, gee, I wonder what it used
to be like in the year 1776.Copy !req
142. Derh.Copy !req
143. Derh...Copy !req
144. Cartman?Copy !req
145. Cartman!Copy !req
146. Benjamin Franklin?Copy !req
147. No, turd pants, it's Kyle!Copy !req
148. Kyle.Copy !req
149. Get out of my flashback,
you goddamn Jew.Copy !req
150. Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!
Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!Copy !req
151. Okay, people.
What are we rabbling about now?Copy !req
152. Mayor, our peace rallyCopy !req
153. has always been set
for this Saturday.Copy !req
154. And now these pro-war bastardsCopy !req
155. are suddenly trying to say
they get the town square.Copy !req
156. That's bull crap, Mayor!Copy !req
157. Our rally to support the war
was set up months ago.Copy !req
158. There was no war months ago!Copy !req
159. Hey, if you don't like America,
then you can get out!Copy !req
160. Look, nobody wants to hearCopy !req
161. a bunch of twangy-country-music,
pro-war propaganda.Copy !req
162. Nobody wants to hear a bunch
of rock protest songs!Copy !req
163. Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
164. Up yours, rednecks!Copy !req
165. Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!
Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!Copy !req
166. Quiet, people!
The town square is public space.Copy !req
167. That means if neither groupCopy !req
168. will nicely and maturely move
the day of its rally,Copy !req
169. I'll just have to give
the town square to both groups.Copy !req
170. All right!
That's fine!Copy !req
171. Because our war-support songs
will be a thousand times better!Copy !req
172. Oh, you think so?
Bring the shizzle.Copy !req
173. We'll trizzle the shizzle
all over the hizzle.Copy !req
174. Yeah?
See you Saturday,Copy !req
175. McKizzer shanizzernilla shazz
beyaznatch kazizza.Copy !req
176. Cartman?
- Cartman?Copy !req
177. You better be studying,
God damn it.Copy !req
178. Ah, Stan, Kyle, Kenny.
You're just in time.Copy !req
179. Oh, no.
- Oh, yes!Copy !req
180. I am just about to flash backCopy !req
181. to the days
of our founding fathers.Copy !req
182. Cartman, you're supposed
to be studying!Copy !req
183. What the hell is all this?Copy !req
184. I have programmed TiVo
to record over 50 hoursCopy !req
185. of the History Channel.Copy !req
186. When TiVo is full,
both TiVo and ICopy !req
187. will be dropped into the water,Copy !req
188. combining our
electro-whatever fieldsCopy !req
189. and sending me into a flashback
of history.Copy !req
190. Uh, Cartman, I think
that's a really bad idea.Copy !req
191. Or a really sweet one.Copy !req
192. Your TiVo is full.Copy !req
193. Oh, here goes!Copy !req
194. Cartman?Copy !req
195. Cartman?Copy !req
196. Aw, crap.Copy !req
197. Oh, awesome!Copy !req
198. Oi, there, young lad!
Are you all right?Copy !req
199. Yeah, yeah.
Can you tell me what year it is?Copy !req
200. This year?
Why, it's 1776, it is.Copy !req
201. Oh, yes!
I did it! I did it!Copy !req
202. Would you like a ride into town?Copy !req
203. I'm on my way to Master
Thomas Jefferson's houseCopy !req
204. to get a very important
document, I am.Copy !req
205. Oh, kick fuckin' ass, dude!Copy !req
206. Never seen you around here,
friend.Copy !req
207. Might ye be from up north?Copy !req
208. No, I'm not from here at all.
I'm having a flashback.Copy !req
209. A flashback?
Why, what is that?Copy !req
210. Well, you know, it's a —
Oh, awesome!Copy !req
211. Is he going to be all right,
Doctor?Copy !req
212. Your son tried to kill himselfCopy !req
213. in a ritualistic fashion
I've never seen before.Copy !req
214. His chances of surviving
are very slim.Copy !req
215. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
216. Oh, baby.
Baby, you can't die!Copy !req
217. Yeah.
We have a report to do, asshole.Copy !req
218. Get up! Get up!Copy !req
219. Ooh. Easy, Kyle.
- But it's not fair!Copy !req
220. We have to do a full report
on the founding fathers,Copy !req
221. and — and Cartman got out
of helping us again!Copy !req
222. I guess we're just gonna have to
do it with the three of us.Copy !req
223. Come on, guys.Copy !req
224. I know you're in
a very dark place now, sweetie,Copy !req
225. but you must come
toward the light.Copy !req
226. Come toward the light!Copy !req
227. Here we are, then —Copy !req
228. the current residence
of Master Thomas Jefferson.Copy !req
229. Super neato!Copy !req
230. I'm afraid
you'll have to wait here.Copy !req
231. But I need to talk
to the founding fathersCopy !req
232. to do my report.Copy !req
233. Sorry, only the official
messenger boyCopy !req
234. is allowed to talk
to Mr. Jefferson.Copy !req
235. Oh, okay.
I guess I understand.Copy !req
236. Hello.
I am Thomas Jefferson.Copy !req
237. And I am the official
messenger boy, I am!Copy !req
238. Very well.Copy !req
239. Take this document
to the Continental Congress.Copy !req
240. Wow. The Declaration
of Independence Day.Copy !req
241. Some favor going to war
with England,Copy !req
242. and others want to avoid war
at all costs.Copy !req
243. It's a bitch, ain't it?Copy !req
244. Perhaps this document
will make the reasons for warCopy !req
245. obvious to all.Copy !req
246. Good luck, young messenger.Copy !req
247. Now make haste!Copy !req
248. Okay, so Thomas Jefferson wrote
the Declaration of Independence.Copy !req
249. Then the Continental Congress —Copy !req
250. No war! No war! No war!Copy !req
251. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
252. Uh, boys, would you mind
clearing the living room?Copy !req
253. We have to practice
our big war-protest song.Copy !req
254. Dad, we have to study.Copy !req
255. Mr. Garrison is making us
do a presentationCopy !req
256. on what the founding fathers
would say about the war.Copy !req
257. Hey, that's a terrific idea!Copy !req
258. Yeah! We could have the boys
do their presentationCopy !req
259. as part of our peace rally
on Saturday!Copy !req
260. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
261. Support our troops!Copy !req
262. Support our troops!Copy !req
263. See?
I told you they had your son!Copy !req
264. Kenny, what are you doing
over hereCopy !req
265. with all these
un-American traitors?Copy !req
266. Mrph rmhmhm rm.Copy !req
267. The boys are going to give
a presentation at our rallyCopy !req
268. about how the founding fathersCopy !req
269. would agree with our right
to protest.Copy !req
270. What? No!
- What? Oh, no!Copy !req
271. Actually, we hadn't
really come to a —Copy !req
272. Look, my son is a patriot
and loves his country!Copy !req
273. - Come on, Kenny!
- Mrph rmh —Copy !req
274. Now!
- Yeah!Copy !req
275. Support our troops!Copy !req
276. Support our troops!Copy !req
277. Oh, Kenny, n— Oh! Aw.Copy !req
278. Aw, now we lost two
in our study group!Copy !req
279. God damn it!Copy !req
280. Can you believe
those hick sons of bitches?Copy !req
281. Manipulating their kids
into being on their side.Copy !req
282. Disgraceful!Copy !req
283. Stan and Kyle, it's up to you
to show all those warmongersCopy !req
284. that the founding fathers
agree with us!Copy !req
285. Yeah, that's right!
Let's get back to work!Copy !req
286. Do you think kids in every town
have to deal with this crap?Copy !req
287. Enter, young messenger!Copy !req
288. I am John Hancock,
president of the Congress.Copy !req
289. Wow!Copy !req
290. Mr. John Adams?Copy !req
291. Aye.Copy !req
292. Will you do the honorsCopy !req
293. of reading the document
to Congress, please?Copy !req
294. "When in the course
of human events,Copy !req
295. it becomes necessary
for one people to..."Copy !req
296. "... we mutually pledge
to each other our lives,Copy !req
297. our fortunes,
and our sacred honor.Copy !req
298. P.S. every Thursday
should be 'free ice cream' day."Copy !req
299. Excuse me, but does this
declaration actually suggestCopy !req
300. that we should go to war
with England?Copy !req
301. We have no choice,
Mr. Dickinson.Copy !req
302. All right, everyone.Copy !req
303. Thank you all for coming out
to protest the war, m'kay!Copy !req
304. Don't kid yourselves.Copy !req
305. These people have come out
to support our troops, right?Copy !req
306. And now Randy Marsh is
gonna sing a protest songCopy !req
307. he wrote about the war.Copy !req
308. Oh, no, you don't!Copy !req
309. We're doing
our pro-war song first!Copy !req
310. Yeah!Copy !req
311. The last thing these people wantCopy !req
312. is another bleeding-heart
rock protest song!Copy !req
313. People, I told you,
you have to share the stage.Copy !req
314. Nobody wants to hear another
pro-war country song!Copy !req
315. Well, excuse me if...Copy !req
316. Yee-haw!Copy !req
317. We must go to war!Copy !req
318. But what about the violence,
the lives lost?Copy !req
319. If we found a country,Copy !req
320. it should be founded on peace
and diplomacy!Copy !req
321. England will only understand
one thing — force.Copy !req
322. I must state again
for the recordCopy !req
323. that South Carolina,
North Carolina,Copy !req
324. Pennsylvania, Maryland,
and Georgia are against war!Copy !req
325. Yeah, because you don't care
about the fate of the coloniesCopy !req
326. like we do!Copy !req
327. You're all unpatriotic!Copy !req
328. And if you don't like the
colonies, then you can get out!Copy !req
329. Don't you call us unpatriotic!Copy !req
330. We are protesting this warCopy !req
331. because we care so deeply
for the fate of our colonies!Copy !req
332. You are all unpatriotic
for leading the coloniesCopy !req
333. into a war that half of them
don't want!Copy !req
334. Whoa.
How very, very relevant.Copy !req
335. Tom, I'm standing
in the town square,Copy !req
336. where the war rally
has been going onCopy !req
337. for an incredible 87 hours.Copy !req
338. The crowd still appears to be
split right down the middle —Copy !req
339. half support country music and
the other half rock 'n' roll.Copy !req
340. Let's listen in.Copy !req
341. And now we'd like to bring outCopy !req
342. a couple of very special
South Park studentsCopy !req
343. who did a report
on what the founding fathersCopy !req
344. would have to say about the war.Copy !req
345. Boo!Copy !req
346. For you people who still think
war is the answer,Copy !req
347. perhaps you can listen
to the voices... of the children.Copy !req
348. Uh, we didn't do it.Copy !req
349. What?Copy !req
350. We didn't do our homework.Copy !req
351. Boys, you were supposed
to come out hereCopy !req
352. and tell everyone
about the founding fathers!Copy !req
353. First we lost one study partnerCopy !req
354. when Cartman put himself
in the hospital,Copy !req
355. and then they took Kenny away.Copy !req
356. Then Kyle forgot
to set his clock aheadCopy !req
357. for Daylight Savings,
and we couldn't find anythingCopy !req
358. in the history books
about Iraq —Copy !req
359. That's because
the founding fathersCopy !req
360. would have supported the war!Copy !req
361. The founding fathers
would have protested, like us!Copy !req
362. Support!
- Support!Copy !req
363. Protest!
- Protest!Copy !req
364. Country!
- Country!Copy !req
365. Rock 'n' roll!
- Rock 'n' roll!Copy !req
366. Aah!Copy !req
367. Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!
Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!Copy !req
368. Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!
Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!Copy !req
369. We cannot found a country
based on war!Copy !req
370. We cannot found a country
that is afraid to fight!Copy !req
371. Rabble!Copy !req
372. Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!
Rabble! Rabble! Rabble!Copy !req
373. Oh. Benjamin Franklin.Copy !req
374. Benjamin Franklin.
- Benjamin Franklin's here.Copy !req
375. It's Mr. Franklin.
- Franklin, Franklin.Copy !req
376. Oh, Benjamin Franklin.
Franklin, Franklin.Copy !req
377. Benjamin Franklin.Copy !req
378. Mr. Franklin, where do you stand
on the war issue?Copy !req
379. I believe that if we are to form
a new country,Copy !req
380. we cannot be a country that
appears war-hungry and violentCopy !req
381. to the rest of the world.Copy !req
382. However, we also cannot be
a countryCopy !req
383. that appears weak
and unwilling to fightCopy !req
384. to the rest of the world.Copy !req
385. So, what if we form a country...
that appears to want both?Copy !req
386. Yes.
Yes, of course.Copy !req
387. We go to war...Copy !req
388. and protest going to war
at the same time!Copy !req
389. Right!Copy !req
390. If the people of our new countryCopy !req
391. are allowed to do
whatever they wish,Copy !req
392. then some will support the war
and some will protest it.Copy !req
393. And that means that as a nation,Copy !req
394. we could go to war
with whomever we wishedCopy !req
395. but at the same time
act like we didn't want to.Copy !req
396. If we allow the people
to protestCopy !req
397. what the government does,Copy !req
398. then the country will be
forever blameless.Copy !req
399. It's like having your cake
and eating it, too.Copy !req
400. Think of it — an entire nation
founded on saying one thingCopy !req
401. and doing another.Copy !req
402. And we will call that country
the United States of America.Copy !req
403. Wow!Copy !req
404. I get it now!Copy !req
405. I get it!Copy !req
406. Whoa.
Here goes.Copy !req
407. I wish I could
go back to my time...Copy !req
408. to my time...
to — to my time.Copy !req
409. Wow!Copy !req
410. Everyone, stop, please!Copy !req
411. The — the child.Copy !req
412. The child from the hospital!Copy !req
413. If you all don't mind, I would
like to do my report now.Copy !req
414. I know what the founding fathers
would say.Copy !req
415. He does?
- He does?Copy !req
416. I learned something today.Copy !req
417. This country was founded
by some of the smartest thinkersCopy !req
418. the world has ever seen,
and they knew one thing —Copy !req
419. that a truly great country
can go to warCopy !req
420. and at the same time
act like it doesn't want to.Copy !req
421. You people who are for the war,
you need the protestersCopy !req
422. because they make the country
look like it's made of sane,Copy !req
423. caring individuals.Copy !req
424. And you people who are antiwar,
you need these flag-wavers,Copy !req
425. because if our whole countryCopy !req
426. was made up of nothing
but soft, pussy protesters,Copy !req
427. we'd get taken down in a second.Copy !req
428. That's why the founding fathers
decided we should have both.Copy !req
429. It's called having your cake
and eating it, too.Copy !req
430. He's right.Copy !req
431. The strength of this countryCopy !req
432. is the ability to do one thing
and say another.Copy !req
433. Yeah, if it weren't
for all you guys protesting,Copy !req
434. everyone around the world
would hate the American peopleCopy !req
435. instead of just the president.Copy !req
436. And if it weren't for you people
flexing your arms,Copy !req
437. America could easily
get taken over by terroristsCopy !req
438. or — or China.Copy !req
439. I guess we owe you an apology.Copy !req
440. And I-I guess we owe you one.Copy !req
441. Aw.Copy !req
442. Aw.
- Aw.Copy !req
443. Aw.
- Aw.Copy !req
444. Aw.
- Aw.Copy !req
445. Cartman?Copy !req
446. Cartman saved the day?
- Can't be.Copy !req
447. The founding fathers
want you all to knowCopy !req
448. that we can disagree
all we want,Copy !req
449. as long as we agree
that America kicks ass.Copy !req
450. Come on up here, everybody!Copy !req
451. We can be a nation
that believes in war...Copy !req
452. And still tells the world
that we don't.Copy !req
453. Well, good night, everybody.Copy !req
454. It sure has been great
bringing you 100 episodes.Copy !req
455. We want to thank our guests,
the pro-war people...Copy !req
456. and the antiwar people.Copy !req
457. What the hell
are they doing now?Copy !req
458. I-I don't know.Copy !req
459. I hate this town.
I really, really do.Copy !req