1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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2. Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Jimmy!
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3. Thank you! Wow.
What a terrific audience.
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4. I know what most of you
are thinking.
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5. "Hey, that guy stole my shoes."
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6. Wow. What a great audience.
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7. And how about this
Michael Jackson guy, huh?
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8. I mean, come on.
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9. Wow.
What a great audience.
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10. Uh... l-lights, please?
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11. Hey, Jimmy.
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12. Butters, w-where is everybody?
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13. Oh, yeah.
Well, about that.
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14. Christopher Reeve came to town
to do some kind of show,
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15. and everyone went to see him.
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16. Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Reeve?
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17. You know, Christopher Reeve,
the guy who played Superman.
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18. I know who he is!
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19. But why is everyone ditching
my comedy show to see him?
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20. W-Well, because he got crippled,
but now he can move his finger.
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21. He is an inspiration to us all.
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22. That's why everyone ditched
on your show.
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23. So then how come you came?
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24. Well, because I said I would.
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25. Oh, I'm a dork, huh?
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26. And so without further ado,
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27. here's the most courageous,
most amazing man on the planet,
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28. Christopher Reeve.
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29. Thank you. Thank you.
Wow. What a great audience.
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30. I just flew into South Park.
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31. Used to be
I didn't need an airplane.
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32. As most of you know...
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33. I am a strong supporter
of stem-cell research.
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34. Say, fellas! Thanks a lot
for going to my c-comedy show!
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35. We didn't go
to your comedy show.
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36. I know that!
I was being f-f-f-facetious!
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37. Well, dude.
Christopher Reeve, dude.
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38. Ooh! Christopher Reeve!
Whoop-de-freakin'-do!
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39. Dude, that's not cool.
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40. You shouldn't make fun
of Christopher Reeve.
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41. Yeah, dude, not cool.
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42. Though it is controversial...
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43. stem-cell research
is critical...
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44. in the quest for helping...
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45. the disabled.
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46. I put together a comedy show,
and I was crippled from birth!
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47. Uh, whoo. Guys, I think we'd
better stay out of this one.
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48. Yeah, this is starting to look
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49. like something we shouldn't be
any part of.
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50. Let's go play with trucks
or something.
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51. Can you believe this ass wipe,
Timmy?
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52. Timmy!
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53. Why is a celebrity
who became crippled
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54. more important than us that were
born that way, very much?
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55. Ugh, Timmy!
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56. In the coming days...
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57. I will prove to the world...
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58. that stem-cell research
is a miracle.
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59. Beep, beep, beep.
Move it, Kenny! Beep.
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60. Hey, there, fellas.
- Oh, hey, Jimmy, hey, Timmy.
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61. Timmy!
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62. Say, would you guys like
to join our club?
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63. Oh, I'm sorry.
You can't.
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64. You aren't crippled.
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65. What?
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66. To be in our club, not only
do you have to be c-crippled,
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67. but you have to have been born
that way.
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68. You know what that means?
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69. No butthole Superman ass wipe
Christopher Reeve.
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70. That's nice, guys. We're just
gonna stay out of this one.
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71. Hey, wait a minute!
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72. You guys can't just start a club
and tell me I can't be in it!
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73. Sorry, able-body.
You can't join.
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74. Can too!
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75. Hey, Timmy, how many able-bodied
people does it take
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76. to screw in a light bulb?
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77. One.
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78. You know what you call an
able-bodied guy on the doorstep?
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79. Whatever his name is.
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80. Oh, God damn it!
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81. Cartman, just stay out of it.
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82. But they say I can't be
in their club!
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83. Cartman, trust me. We don't want
any part in this one.
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84. Hello, Mr. McGillic—
Mr. McGillicuddy.
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85. Hello, boys.
What can I do for you?
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86. Timmy and I made a T-shirt
design for our new club.
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87. We just came up with a name
this morning.
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88. Uh, boys, I don't think
you want to wear these shirts.
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89. Why not?
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90. Well, because there
already is a group
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91. that calls themselves The Crips,
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92. and I don't think
they'd like it too much.
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93. There's already a Crips?
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94. Well, sure, they're all over
Five Points area in Denver.
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95. You've never heard of them?
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96. No, we never have.
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97. Are they crippled from birth,
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98. or are they cripple wannabes
like Christopher Reeve?
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99. Ooh.
I am staying out of this one.
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100. Can you believe it, Timmy?
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101. There was a group for truly
crippled people like ourselves,
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102. and we didn't know it.
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103. Timmy!
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104. Come on. We got to take the bus
to Five Points in Denver.
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105. My guest tonight
is the brilliant star
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106. of stage and screen,
Mr. Christopher Reeve,
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107. who, with the help
of stem-cell research,
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108. is now able to move his arms.
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109. Thanks for having me on again,
Larry.
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110. All right, Chris.
The whole world is waiting.
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111. Why don't you show us what stem-
cell research has done for you?
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112. Amazing.
Isn't that amazing, folks?
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113. Now, Chris,
there are some people
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114. who say stem-cell research
is wrong,
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115. that taking cells from a fetus
is unethical.
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116. Well, it just proves
that the public
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117. needs to be educated...
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118. about stem-cell research.
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119. See, the stem cells
from a fetus, like this one,
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120. can form into whatever cells
of the body are damaged.
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121. They are the most powerful thing
on the planet.
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122. And how does someone
like yourself
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123. make use of the stem cells,
Chris?
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124. Well, it's very simple.
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125. And now you can see
my arms have better movement.
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126. Wow. Wow.
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127. Excuse me, sir.
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128. We're looking for a group
of people called the Crips.
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129. You are?
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130. Do you know where they meet?
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131. We've already tried
the rec center and the library.
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132. The Crips hang out in that
old warehouse down there,
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133. but nobody goes in there.
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134. Oh, it's okay.
We're Crips ourselves.
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135. Come on, Tim-Tim.
- Timmy!
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136. Well, hello, everyone.
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137. I'm Jim Swanson,
and this is my friend Timmy.
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138. Timmy!
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139. T-T-Timmy.
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140. Well, let us tell you
a little bit about ourselves.
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141. Timmy and I are both true Crips,
born and raised.
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142. We're the only Crips
in South Park, where we live,
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143. and we would love to join your
fa-fa-fantastic Denver chapter.
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144. Is they for real, man?
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145. We just have one question
before we join your c-club.
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146. Do you think it's better
to be born a Crip
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147. or to become a Crip later
by accident?
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148. The only real Crips
is born Crips, dog.
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149. Yeah, you can't become a Crip
by accident, fool.
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150. I agree.
I mean, it's like, come on!
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151. Why do these people
who become Crips later in life
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152. think they're
such great p-potatoes?
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153. Timmy!
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154. Well, we're glad you see it
our way, fellas.
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155. So, can we join your g-group?
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156. A'ight, you want to thug
with the Five Point Crips?
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157. Bitches, all you got to do
is pop some punk-ass Bloods.
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158. Well, sure.
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159. Tim and I would love to pop
some p-punk-ass Bloods.
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160. We're terrific at it.
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161. Timmy?
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162. I don't know, Timmy.
Just play along.
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163. Uh, T-Timmy!
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164. So you saying you're down?
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165. Down like a clown,
Charlie Br—
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166. Down like a clown,
Charlie B-Brow...
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167. Down like a clown,
Charlie Bah... Bah...
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168. Down like a clown,
Charlie B-Brown.
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169. Say, Timmy, did you notice
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170. that all the crippled people
in that club are negroes?
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171. Timmy!
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172. That's an amazing coincidence.
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173. I mean, there's not one crippled
colored person in South P-Park.
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174. Hey, you kids.
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175. Well, hello, officers.
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176. What the hell do you think
you're doing?
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177. We're going to pop
some punk-ass B-Bloods.
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178. Timmy!
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179. Look, Timmy.
There's a convenience store.
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180. That must be
what the fellas meant
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181. by pop some punk-ass Bloods.
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182. They want us to get them
some soda pop and treats.
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183. Oh.
Timmy.
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184. Let's buy them ginger ale
and marshmallows.
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185. Then they'll let us
in the club for sure.
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186. Oh shit!
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187. S-S-S-S-Sunday driver!
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188. Yo, yo, listen up y'all.
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189. Let me tell you
about my little G's,
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190. Roller and Four Legs here.
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191. They just smoked 13 Bloods
in one night.
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192. That ain't never been done
before.
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193. And they got us marshmallows
and ginger ale.
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194. Uh-huh.
That's right.
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195. So does that mean we can join
the c-club?
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196. You're not just in, you're
the baddest mofo Crips in town.
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197. Cipac, turn up the beat
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198. so we can celebrate
our new G's Five Points style!
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199. A'ight.
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200. Wow.
These guys really are crippled.
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201. Timmy, I have a feeling
this is the start
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202. of something w-w-w-w-wonderful.
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203. Timmy!
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204. Thanks for the ride home,
fellas.
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205. We sure had a terrific time.
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206. All right.
Keep it real, though, dog.
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207. You dogs keep it real, too.
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208. Timmy!
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209. Well, that sure was
a terrific time.
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210. Let's go all around tomorrow
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211. and show everyone
our new outfits, Timmy.
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212. Timmy!
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213. There you are, Jimmy!
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214. What up, Mazie?
Y-Yo, Pops.
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215. Jimmy, your mother was getting
worried about you.
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216. No need to worry about me.
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217. I'm cool like a fool
in a swimming p-p-p-pool.
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218. Tom, I'm standing out front
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219. of the stem-cell research
facility with terrific news.
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220. Christopher Reeve,
who was once paralyzed,
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221. claims that he can now stand.
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222. Thank you, everyone.
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223. To most people, this is
just an ordinary fetus.
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224. But to people like me,
it's hope.
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225. Oh, my God!
- What an inspiration.
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226. Tom, many celebrities
have spoken out
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227. in protest
of stem-cell research,
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228. but after seeing this,
how can they protest now?
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229. Stay clear, guys.
Stay clear.
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230. Yep.
I'm not seeing anything.
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231. Hey.
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232. Hey, I no want no trouble!
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233. Hello. We'd like two orders
of kung p-pao chicken, please.
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234. I don't want no trouble!
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235. You just take what you want
and leave!
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236. Timmy!
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237. Oh! Okay, okay!
I opening register.
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238. Timmy.
- What's that?
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239. Oh, and one medium lemonade,
please.
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240. Timmy.
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241. Here! Here 112 dollar!
It's all I have! Take!
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242. Huh?
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243. You take!
112 dollar!
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244. A-Are you sure?
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245. I no want no trouble.
Just take it and leave!
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246. Well, gee, that's really nice
of you, Mr. Chinese person.
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247. Look, Tim-Tim.
We got a cash prize.
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248. We must be the 100th customer
or something.
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249. Here! Here two order of kung pao
chicken and small ice tea!
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250. Actually,
it was a regular lemonade.
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251. I sorry!
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252. I sorry!
I no want no trouble.
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253. Here.
Lemonade.
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254. Now go!
Just go!
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255. Gee, thanks a lot.
See you next time.
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256. Timmy!
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257. Hello, police? I've just been
robbed by two gang members!
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258. Jimmy? Jimmy, could you come
into the kitchen, please?
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259. Yo, Mamsie.
What's up, Pops?
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260. H-Have a seat, Jim.
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261. Your mother and I need
to talk to you.
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262. Son, your mother and I
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263. have noticed a change
in your behavior.
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264. And we're worried that you
might be involved in a gang.
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265. A what?
Oh, you mean the fellas.
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266. Well, sure,
but I can't talk about the club
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267. on account
of it's s-super secret, dog.
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268. Then it's true!
Oh, Ryan, it's true!
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269. Why you be tripping, Mom?
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270. I mean, come on. I'm finally
a part of something, very much.
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271. Jimmy, those people you're
hanging out with are no good.
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272. Yo, don't be dissing my niggas,
dog.
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273. They're my f-friends.
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274. And what about
your stand-up comedy, Jim, huh?
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275. Are you just giving up on that,
too?
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276. Nobody cared
about my stand-up comedy!
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277. All that hard work
just to be outshined
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278. by C-Christopher Reeve
the super butthole!
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279. Jimmy, we've told you before.
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280. God made you the way he did
for a reason.
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281. Right, because you and Mom
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282. used to make fun
of crippled kids in high school.
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283. That's right —
You were sent here
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284. through the vengeful
and angry hand of God
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285. to teach your mother and I
a lesson.
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286. And that's a big responsibility,
Son.
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287. Look, my gang,
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288. which I can't talk about
because it's super secret,
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289. is the most important thing
to me now.
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290. And if you two don't like it,
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291. you can just pass the blunt
to the nigga on your left.
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292. Where's that delivery
of new fetuses?
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293. Feeling weak again.
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294. Here's the new shipment, sir.
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295. Hey!
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296. Hello there, Christopher.
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297. Well, well, Gene Hackman,
my old nemesis from the movies.
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298. How are you?
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299. I'm good.
And you?
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300. I am better with each passing
day; stronger and more agile.
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301. Christopher, I've come to ask
you to stop what you're doing.
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302. What?
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303. Using stem cells
is like playing god.
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304. You should leave nature alone.
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305. And go back to the way I was?
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306. Is that what you're saying,
Hackman?
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307. I'm saying
that sometimes you need
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308. to just live with the cards
you're dealt, Christopher.
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309. Stop calling me Christopher!
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310. That name no longer has meaning
to me!
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311. Christopher was someone
who lived in a wheelchair,
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312. always being pushed around
by others!
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313. The old Christopher Reeve
is dead!
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314. From now on, I am...
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315. Chris!
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316. Payback time, motherfucker!
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317. J-Jesus Christ!
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318. Holy g-guacamole!
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319. Freakin' frijoles!
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320. Leapin' l-langosta.
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321. East Side Bloods!
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322. We're Detectives Hyde
and Richardson,
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323. from the Special Gang Unit
in Denver.
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324. Any word on who shot up me
and Timmy's houses, officers?
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325. Word on the street is it was
a retaliation hit by the Bloods.
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326. The B-Bloods?
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327. You know, smart-mouth —
your rival gang.
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328. The Bloods are at war
with the Crips.
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329. They kill each other
all the time.
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330. T-They do?
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331. Don't act like you don't know,
you little punk!
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332. The Crips and Bloods
hate each other,
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333. and if you stay in that gang,
you're gonna end up dead, too.
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334. But — But why do they
hate each other?
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335. Look, kid, I used to be a Crip
myself, but I'm not anymore.
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336. Oh, so you used s-stem cells
like Christopher Reeve?
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337. Come on.
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338. The only way these kids
are gonna get out of their gang
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339. is to get killed.
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340. Sarah!
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341. Oh, boy, Timmy.
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342. We should have never started
a gang
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343. for people crippled from birth.
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344. Now they're at war
with the people
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345. who were crippled
in an accident.
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346. Boy, were we wrong.
- Timmy.
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347. Wow. W-We've got to do
something, Timmy.
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348. We've got to get the Crips
and Bloods to s-stop fighting.
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349. I bet if we could just
get them together.
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350. But how?
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351. W-Wait a minute! I've got it!
A lock-in at the rec center!
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352. We did it for our church once.
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353. All we do is rent out
the rec center overnight.
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354. They lock the doors
so nobody can leave,
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355. and everyone has the whole night
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356. to play in the swimming pool
and laugh and talk.
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357. Timmy!
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358. You get all the Crips you can
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359. to the rec center
tomorrow night, Timmy.
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360. I'll try to get
all the B-Bloods there.
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361. - Timmy!
- This is gonna be t-terrific!
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362. Tom, several years ago,
actor Christopher Reeve
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363. had a horrible accident
and was paralyzed.
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364. The irony, of course,
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365. was that the man who played
Superman could no longer walk.
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366. America watched in wonder
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367. as he managed to move one
of his fingers, then his arms.
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368. And now,
seen for the first time on HBC,
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369. Christopher Reeve is going to
lift a truck up over his head.
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370. Oh, what a fighter.
- That brave, brave man.
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371. He's an inspiration to us all.
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372. Tom, the irony
is even more irony-y,
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373. as it appears
that the stem cells
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374. have given Christopher Reeve
almost superhuman strength.
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375. Chris, that's enough.
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376. Hello, Gene.
So good to see you.
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377. You're cured, Chris.
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378. It's time to stop using
stem cells.
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379. Stem-cell research
has made me stronger
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380. than I ever thought possible!
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381. Why stop now?
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382. Uh, Tom,
apparently Gene Hackman,
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383. the man who played Superman's
enemy Lex Luthor in the movies,
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384. has now shown up as a celebrity
protester of stem-cell research.
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385. If that isn't ironic, Tom,
I don't know what is.
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386. They're affecting your mind,
Chris.
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387. If you won't stop using
stem cells, then we'll stop you.
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388. Stop me?
Stop me? Ha!
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389. You won't stop me, Hack Man!
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390. Tom, if irony were made
of strawberries,
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391. we'd all be drinking
a lot of smoothies right now.
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392. Come on in, everybody.
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393. Lots of s-surprises
and t-treats inside.
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394. Great to see you all.
What a terrific audience.
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395. You sure you got everything
you need, young man?
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396. We sure do.
Thanks, Mr. Appleb—by.
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397. Just remember to make sure
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398. the kids play safe
in the pool area.
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399. You bet.
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400. I'll be back at 7:00
to let you out.
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401. You kids have a good time.
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402. Oh, we will.
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403. The Bloods!
- Oh shit! It's a trap!
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404. Motherfuckin' Crips
trying to smoke us all out!
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405. What the hell is going on here?
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406. It's called a lock-in
at the rec center.
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407. We can use
all the rec-center facilities.
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408. We can play b-basketball,
go swimming,
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409. or just kick it
in the lounge area
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410. with some games and p-puzzles.
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411. Timmy!
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412. But nobody can leave
until 7:00 a.m.,
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413. so if you want
to have a good time,
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414. you're all just gonna have
to learn to get along.
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415. There's pizza.
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416. Tom, over five years ago,
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417. doctors told
actor Christopher Reeve
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418. that he would never walk again.
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419. But the resilient actor
fought back,
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420. struggled against all odds,
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421. and has now built
his very own legion of doom!
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422. The once immobile Mr. Reeve
says his new organization
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423. will be committed
to world domination and evil.
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424. What an inspirational story,
Tom.
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425. I have chosen each member
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426. of this elite group
of supervillains
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427. for their outstanding treachery,
their desire for world conquest,
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428. and their hatred
of all things good!
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429. And I've assembled this group
for one purpose —
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430. to once and for all find
a way to...
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431. get rid of Hack Man!
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432. Uh, how about domination
of the world?
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433. Yeah, or, uh,
death to the infidels?
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434. Silence!
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435. Our job is to see to it
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436. that Hack Man is put
out of commission.
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437. Oh, boy, General Disarray.
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438. Maybe we just ought to stay out
of this one.
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439. Not so fast, Chris!
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440. Hack Man!
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441. We just helped pass a ban
on stem-cell research.
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442. Your fetus-sucking days
are over.
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443. No.
No!
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444. And now we're going to put you
somewhere
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445. where you can never touch
another fetus again.
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446. You stupid mofos are dead!
- Make the first shot, punk!
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447. Hold it!
Don't you see?
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448. It doesn't matter
if we were crippled from birth
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449. or crippled in an accident.
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450. We're all brothers.
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451. Save it, fool!
Crips ain't our brothers!
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452. Look, we have the whole
rec center to ourselves.
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453. Can't we all just try
having some fun together?
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454. You talking crazy, dog.
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455. Yeah.
We ain't playing, sucker!
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456. Why don't we at least give it
a chance?
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457. I mean, come on.
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458. Wait a minute.
What did you say?
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459. I said, "I mean, come on."
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460. You know, maybe he's right.
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461. I mean, come on.
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462. Come on.
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463. I guess we could at least give
having fun together a try.
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464. It's like, come on.
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465. Yeah.
Come on.
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466. Yeah, that's right.
Come on.
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467. Come on.
- Come on.
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468. Yeah, come on.
- That's right. Come on.
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469. Got to give you two dogs props
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470. for putting an end
to all this hate.
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471. I told you — Lock-in
at the rec center always works.
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472. And, you know,
I've learned something, too.
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473. I was player-hating
C-Christopher butthole Reeve
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474. because he got more attention
than me.
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475. But just like y-you guys,
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476. I need to learn to control
my a-anger.
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477. Right on!
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478. Hey, little Roller,
try some of this chronic shit.
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479. Timmy!
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480. Well, I guess we all learned
that trying to get along
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481. is way better
than p-p-player hating.
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482. The gang wrote a song about it.
Why don't we listen in?
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483. You haven't seen
the last of me, Hack Man!
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484. I will be ba-a-a-ck!
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485. Dude, I am so glad
we stayed out of that one.
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486. Me too.
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