1. Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm!Copy !req
2. Friends, we gather in this placeCopy !req
3. to mourn the victims
of yesterday's tragedy,Copy !req
4. nine good people
who were run over in the streetCopy !req
5. by an elderly woman driver.Copy !req
6. Oh, God, memorial services
are so boring.Copy !req
7. You insensitive asshole,
Cartman!Copy !req
8. Nine people died!Copy !req
9. Yeah, but like eight of them
were hippies.Copy !req
10. Mostly hippies go
to farmer's markets.Copy !req
11. Mostly.Copy !req
12. It is sometimes hard
in times like theseCopy !req
13. to understand God's way.Copy !req
14. Why would he allow
nine innocent peopleCopy !req
15. to be run down
in the prime of their livesCopy !req
16. by a senior citizen who perhaps
shouldn't be driving?Copy !req
17. It is then
that we must understandCopy !req
18. God's sense of humor
is very different from our own.Copy !req
19. He does not laugh at the simple
"man walks into a bar" joke.Copy !req
20. No.Copy !req
21. God needs complex ironyCopy !req
22. and subtle farcical twists
that seem macabre to you and me.Copy !req
23. All that we can hope for
is that God got his good laughCopy !req
24. and a tragedy such as this
will never happen again.Copy !req
25. Look out!Copy !req
26. Ah!
Was that a stop sign back there?Copy !req
27. Oh, I think I hit a pothole.Copy !req
28. Hey, Dad, how come they let
old people drive?Copy !req
29. Well, Stan,
it's a very fragile issue.Copy !req
30. But they kill people.Copy !req
31. Sometimes, yes.Copy !req
32. But senior citizens have to be
dealt with very gingerly, Stan.Copy !req
33. We can't just take
their licenses away.Copy !req
34. I'll be God damned if they think
they can take my license away!Copy !req
35. Oh, hi, Dad.
- I heard what you said!Copy !req
36. You want to take driving
privileges away from seniors!Copy !req
37. Well, let me tell you something,
pecker face,Copy !req
38. I worked 55 years
in a steel mill...Copy !req
39. Yes, Dad.Copy !req
40. and I flew Spitfires
over Germany in World War II...Copy !req
41. Yes, I know.Copy !req
42. and I will be God damned
if the government thinksCopy !req
43. it can step in and take away
my right to drive!Copy !req
44. I think old people
should have rights, Grandpa.Copy !req
45. I just don't want to die.Copy !req
46. Damn it, Mona,
this isn't the fastest wayCopy !req
47. to Country Kitchen Buffet.Copy !req
48. No, but it's the shortest.
Save the most gas that way.Copy !req
49. You save more gasCopy !req
50. if you take the highway
to Country Kitchen Buffet!Copy !req
51. Less miles means less gas,
you old fool.Copy !req
52. There's Country Kitchen
right there!Copy !req
53. Where?Copy !req
54. Back there!
You're gonna miss it!Copy !req
55. Aah!Copy !req
56. Is this the parking lot?Copy !req
57. I think so.Copy !req
58. Another death tonight
by senior-citizen motorists.Copy !req
59. Carl Zorn of Pine Junction
was killed instantlyCopy !req
60. when struck by a vehicle
driven by Pete and Lydia Melman,Copy !req
61. who were trying to find
Country Kitchen Buffet.Copy !req
62. This latest tragedy comes
only two daysCopy !req
63. after the accident
in Deer Creek,Copy !req
64. where three construction workers
in a bulldozerCopy !req
65. were run down
by senior citizen Paul Thom,Copy !req
66. who was trying to find
Country Kitchen Buffet.Copy !req
67. Public outcry is forcing
the DMV to considerCopy !req
68. suspending the licenses
of all seniors over 70,Copy !req
69. though no decision
has yet to be made.Copy !req
70. Seniors of South Park,Copy !req
71. I don't know about you,
but I am mad as hell.Copy !req
72. Yeah!Copy !req
73. Yeah!Copy !req
74. I am sick of having my mental
condition come into question.Copy !req
75. Yeah!Copy !req
76. That's right!Copy !req
77. We need to let everyone know
we're pissed offCopy !req
78. and we're not gonna take it
anymore.Copy !req
79. Hear, hear!Copy !req
80. That's right, Pete.Copy !req
81. That's right.Copy !req
82. Now...Copy !req
83. can anybody remember
what we're pissed off about?Copy !req
84. I remember we're all pissed
about something.Copy !req
85. That's why we had this meeting,Copy !req
86. but I can't for the life
of me...Copy !req
87. Ooh!Copy !req
88. Was it the kids skateboarding
on the sidewalks?Copy !req
89. No.Copy !req
90. Oh, I remember.Copy !req
91. They're going to take
our licenses away!Copy !req
92. Yeah!
- That's right!Copy !req
93. That's right. They're gonna try
and take our licenses away.Copy !req
94. And I, for one, am mad as hell.Copy !req
95. Me too!
- Yeah! That's right!Copy !req
96. I'm mad, too.Copy !req
97. I am sick of having my mental
condition come into question.Copy !req
98. So now what are we gonna do
about it?Copy !req
99. Do about what?Copy !req
100. They're gonna take
our licenses away.Copy !req
101. They are?
They can't do that!Copy !req
102. You said it!
- You said it!Copy !req
103. That's right.Copy !req
104. So you know what I think
we should do?Copy !req
105. I think we should have
a senior-citizens meeting —Copy !req
106. get all the seniors together at
the community center and unite!Copy !req
107. Great idea, Marvin.Copy !req
108. Wait. I-I think we're having
that meeting right now.Copy !req
109. Oh. Right.
This is the meeting.Copy !req
110. Right, to get them damn kidsCopy !req
111. to stop skateboarding
on the sidewalks.Copy !req
112. Yeah!Copy !req
113. That's right!
- This will stop 'em.Copy !req
114. Sharon, have you seen Dad?Copy !req
115. He's not here, hon.Copy !req
116. He's having a meeting
with all the seniors in townCopy !req
117. at the community center.Copy !req
118. Oh.Copy !req
119. Wait a minute.Copy !req
120. If all the seniors in town
are at a meeting,Copy !req
121. that means that when
the meeting gets out...Copy !req
122. Every senior in town
will be driving home...Copy !req
123. At the same time.Copy !req
124. Oh my God.Copy !req
125. Get inside!Copy !req
126. Get inside!Copy !req
127. Seniors meeting getting out!
Get off the streets!Copy !req
128. All right.
Great meeting, everyone.Copy !req
129. Let's do it again sometime.Copy !req
130. So long, everybody.Copy !req
131. Goodbye, Lucy.
- See you later.Copy !req
132. Goodbye, Bill!Copy !req
133. Get off the streets!Copy !req
134. Get off the streets!Copy !req
135. Old people are driving!Copy !req
136. Run!
- Run!Copy !req
137. Oh my God!Copy !req
138. Gerald!
Where are the boys?Copy !req
139. We've got to get out of here!Copy !req
140. The boys, Gerald!
Where are they?Copy !req
141. T-They're...Copy !req
142. They're playing street hockey!Copy !req
143. Oh my God!Copy !req
144. With just 10 seconds to go,
the offense makes its move.Copy !req
145. Marsh heads for the goal and
passes the ball to the poor kid.Copy !req
146. The poor kid hands it off
to the Jew.Copy !req
147. The Jew shoots!
Oh!Copy !req
148. And the shot is blocked again,Copy !req
149. proving once and for all
that Jews cannot play hockey.Copy !req
150. It isn't fair.
Cartman's fatter than the goal.Copy !req
151. I'm not fat.
I just have a sweet hockey body.Copy !req
152. Get off the streets!Copy !req
153. Get off the streets!Copy !req
154. Dude, look.Copy !req
155. Get off... the streets!Copy !req
156. Get off the streets!Copy !req
157. - What is that?
- I don't know.Copy !req
158. Get off!Copy !req
159. Get! Streets!
Off the streets!Copy !req
160. Dude, is that your dad?
- I think so.Copy !req
161. Looks like Stan's dad's
been hittin' the bottle again.Copy !req
162. Streets!Copy !req
163. What is he saying?
- I can't understand him.Copy !req
164. Aah!Copy !req
165. Calm down.Copy !req
166. We cannot understand you.Copy !req
167. Mrph rm!Copy !req
168. Oh, Jesus!Copy !req
169. Old people!Copy !req
170. Come on!Copy !req
171. Oh, God! They're coming!Copy !req
172. Get over there.
Stay low!Copy !req
173. Why are they all out driving
at the same time?Copy !req
174. Shh!Copy !req
175. It's okay, boys. They're gone.Copy !req
176. Let's just lay low for a minute
until we can find —Copy !req
177. I don't remember
there being a building here.Copy !req
178. Run!Copy !req
179. I told you to turn left, Larry.Copy !req
180. Get up the stairs!
Up the stairs!Copy !req
181. Come on!
Come on!Copy !req
182. Aah! There's another one!Copy !req
183. Excuse me.
Is this Costello Avenue?Copy !req
184. In here!Copy !req
185. They're not gonna stop
until we're all dead!Copy !req
186. Quiet!
Keep quiet!Copy !req
187. Dad, I'm scared.Copy !req
188. Just keep your voices down.Copy !req
189. We'll stay the night in here.Copy !req
190. We'll stay the whole winter
if we have to.Copy !req
191. I'm not staying the winter
in this room.Copy !req
192. You just need to tell old people
they can't drive anymore.Copy !req
193. Stan, it's not that simple!Copy !req
194. Just relax
while I find the lights.Copy !req
195. Here we go.Copy !req
196. How the hell did we get up here?Copy !req
197. I told you
this was the wrong way.Copy !req
198. Tom, I'm standing outside of the
Department of Motor vehicles,Copy !req
199. where senior citizens have
until 3:00 p.m.Copy !req
200. to hand over
their driver's licenses.Copy !req
201. The new law was passed
just three daysCopy !req
202. after the night of horrorCopy !req
203. in which all seniors were out
driving at the same time,Copy !req
204. causing 14 deaths
and $3 million in damage.Copy !req
205. All righty.
There we go.Copy !req
206. Next.Copy !req
207. It ain't right
what you're doing.Copy !req
208. I never had an accident
in my life!Copy !req
209. That's right.
You shouldn't punish all of us.Copy !req
210. We're sorry, but this is
the only way to be sure.Copy !req
211. Next, please.Copy !req
212. There we go.Copy !req
213. But how am I supposed to get
to the grocery store?Copy !req
214. Or the pharmacy to buy medicine?Copy !req
215. Well, maybe you should be
in a nursing home, hmm?Copy !req
216. Some of us would rather die!Copy !req
217. Well, we can certainly
help you with that, too.Copy !req
218. We aren't second-class citizens.Copy !req
219. That's right.Copy !req
220. You can take our licenses,
but you'll never take our pride!Copy !req
221. Yeah.Copy !req
222. Oh, isn't this great, you guys?Copy !req
223. Being able to walk the streets
now that old peopleCopy !req
224. are confined to their homes,
where they belong.Copy !req
225. Billy, get in the car.Copy !req
226. I need you boys to help me
pick up my new Hoveround.Copy !req
227. Uh, Grandpa, I don't think
you're supposed to be driving.Copy !req
228. God damn it, Billy!Copy !req
229. You're supposed to listen
to your dad, right?Copy !req
230. Well, I'm your dad's dad!Copy !req
231. And that means you get in this
car before I tan all your hides!Copy !req
232. Well, look at it this way.Copy !req
233. Statistically speaking,
we're safer inside a carCopy !req
234. with an old person driving
than outside.Copy !req
235. My God, he's right.Copy !req
236. Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.Copy !req
237. I shall not walk through
the valley of death.Copy !req
238. Guys, I don't know
if I ever told you this, but...Copy !req
239. Well, I love you guys.Copy !req
240. Except for you, Kyle.Copy !req
241. Okay.
All set?Copy !req
242. Asshole!Copy !req
243. Mrph!Copy !req
244. Uh, I think there's a
police car behind you, Grandpa.Copy !req
245. Huh?Copy !req
246. Go around.Copy !req
247. Go around, you moron!Copy !req
248. Blue Impala, pull your vehicle over.Copy !req
249. I believe that's us.
Thank God.Copy !req
250. Could I see your license,
please?Copy !req
251. I ain't got one!
You peckers took it!Copy !req
252. Well, then I'll have to take you
to jail.Copy !req
253. You just try taking me to jail,
scrotum head.Copy !req
254. You just try.Copy !req
255. Stupid son of a —Copy !req
256. God damn it.Copy !req
257. I've just got him right here,
Mr. Marsh.Copy !req
258. Oh, brother.Copy !req
259. Well, good job, Dad.
Look at you now.Copy !req
260. Oh, God damn it, don't you
lecture me, you son of a bitch.Copy !req
261. You just had to be
so damn stubborn, didn't you?Copy !req
262. Now my son is gonna talk to me
like I'm 12.Copy !req
263. We're not treating you
like children, Dad, all right?Copy !req
264. Now, I think you owe
Mr. Police Officer an apology.Copy !req
265. Who needs to apologize, hmm?
Who's a sorry-sorry?Copy !req
266. Kiss my sagging ass!Copy !req
267. Well, fine,
I was gonna bail you out,Copy !req
268. but maybe you can just sit here
and think about what you did.Copy !req
269. I won't be sitting here long.Copy !req
270. - 've already called the AARP.
- What's that?Copy !req
271. The American Association
of Retired Persons,Copy !req
272. the largest political group
in the country.Copy !req
273. When seniors like me
are being discriminated against,Copy !req
274. the AARP comes
and sets it right.Copy !req
275. And you're gonna be sorry
when they get here.Copy !req
276. And so you see, children,
Genghis Khan was a Mongol,Copy !req
277. not to be confused
with a mongoloid,Copy !req
278. like the actor Nicolas Cage.Copy !req
279. Okay. Now, who can tell me
in what year...Copy !req
280. the first film...
by the mongoloid...Copy !req
281. That's odd.Copy !req
282. Those ROTC guys
are way off course.Copy !req
283. More old people!Copy !req
284. The American Association
of Retired Persons.Copy !req
285. Stay in your seats, children.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
286. Set up a perimeter.
Bring Bravo team to Point Delta.Copy !req
287. Bravo team is go.Copy !req
288. Move! Move! Move!Copy !req
289. Let's go!
Let's go!Copy !req
290. Uh, can I help you folks
find something?Copy !req
291. Old people have gone mad!Copy !req
292. Contact!Copy !req
293. Put your hands up, young man!Copy !req
294. Marvin Marsh?Copy !req
295. Yes?Copy !req
296. I'm Bill Stewart,
president of the AARP.Copy !req
297. We've come to help the seniors
in this town fight back.Copy !req
298. Oh.
It's nice to meet you, Bill.Copy !req
299. Huh?Copy !req
300. We came as fast as we could.Copy !req
301. We just had to stop by
Country Kitchen Buffet first.Copy !req
302. It's the nursing home!Copy !req
303. Liberate our comrades!Copy !req
304. Let's go!
- Get out of there!Copy !req
305. There, now, Mr. Johnson.Copy !req
306. We can go to the cafeteriaCopy !req
307. and get you some nice cream corn
and toast.Copy !req
308. Can I help you?Copy !req
309. - Help this.Copy !req
310. The revolution is on, brother!Copy !req
311. We're taking control
of the town!Copy !req
312. We are?
Well, it's about damn time.Copy !req
313. Hey, everyone,
we're taking the town.Copy !req
314. All right.Copy !req
315. Oh.Copy !req
316. Seniors?
We're taking the town over.Copy !req
317. The revolution is on!Copy !req
318. Oh, the revolution?Copy !req
319. Oh, I better get
my other sweater.Copy !req
320. Mrs. Ryland, seniors
are taking over the town.Copy !req
321. Would you like a gun?Copy !req
322. Oh, I suppose so.Copy !req
323. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
324. Shut your piehole
and get over there.Copy !req
325. Randy, what is this?Copy !req
326. Huh? You are now under
the authority of the AARP.Copy !req
327. Ha!
There you go, Mr. Smart Mouth.Copy !req
328. Look at you now!Copy !req
329. Dad, what are you doing?Copy !req
330. The AARP is going to help us
take this townCopy !req
331. until we get our licenses back!Copy !req
332. Yeah. And we're gonna ask
for more money in Medicare, too.Copy !req
333. That's right.
- Yeah!Copy !req
334. Have you all got Alzheimer's?Copy !req
335. They're not gonna listenCopy !req
336. to a bunch of whacked-out
senior citizens.Copy !req
337. Huh?Copy !req
338. We'll tell 'em if they don't
give us our demands,Copy !req
339. we'll start killing hostages.Copy !req
340. Right. They're gonna
really believe that.Copy !req
341. Isn't that a little extreme, Bill?Copy !req
342. Huh?
No. We got to be tough.Copy !req
343. Just like with those damn Japs.Copy !req
344. This is insane, Dad.Copy !req
345. You all need to stop right now
before more people get hurt.Copy !req
346. The time when you can tell me
what to do is over, bucky boy.Copy !req
347. We're in charge now.Copy !req
348. All right.Copy !req
349. We've got control of the mayor's
office and the fire station.Copy !req
350. Reinforcements have arrivedCopy !req
351. from the nursing home
in Conifer.Copy !req
352. Good!Copy !req
353. Hell, us senior citizens could
take over the entire country.Copy !req
354. We've got company.Copy !req
355. Attention, seniors.Copy !req
356. Lay down your weapons
and turn yourselves over.Copy !req
357. Mrs. Applegate,
show 'em we mean business.Copy !req
358. All right.Copy !req
359. Ooh!Copy !req
360. Aah!Copy !req
361. What do you want?Copy !req
362. Huh?Copy !req
363. We want our licenses back!Copy !req
364. Yeah!Copy !req
365. That's right. And we want
more money in Medicare!Copy !req
366. Yeah!Copy !req
367. And we want those damn kidsCopy !req
368. to stop skateboarding
on the sidewalks!Copy !req
369. Yeah!Copy !req
370. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
371. Stan! Boys!
You're safe.Copy !req
372. Dad, why is everyone letting
the old people do this?Copy !req
373. Why doesn't somebody stop them?Copy !req
374. They've tried to stop them, son,Copy !req
375. but the seniors get up
so early in the morning,Copy !req
376. they get everything done before
everyone else is even awake.Copy !req
377. They're saying something about
taking over the whole country.Copy !req
378. Yes.Copy !req
379. And now,
seeing how early they get up,Copy !req
380. I don't see how anyone
can stop them.Copy !req
381. Wait a minute.
You boys!Copy !req
382. You get up almost as early
as they do.Copy !req
383. You can fight them.Copy !req
384. Oh, come on, Dad.
Can't you guys do it?Copy !req
385. No, son.
We... like to sleep in.Copy !req
386. Two hostages
come front and center!Copy !req
387. They're coming.Copy !req
388. Get out of here
before they see you.Copy !req
389. Run to the hills and find
a way to fight them. Go!Copy !req
390. Boys!
Avenge me!Copy !req
391. Avenge me!Copy !req
392. All right.
Check it out.Copy !req
393. Kenny did reconnaissance
on the town.Copy !req
394. The old people have blockades
here and here.Copy !req
395. Old ladies are keeping watch
in towers around the perimeter.Copy !req
396. The leaders,
along with my grandpa,Copy !req
397. are most likely
in the mayor's office.Copy !req
398. So our only solution
is to cut off their life force.Copy !req
399. We can't fight them, Cartman.Copy !req
400. No, but we can sneak into townCopy !req
401. and shut down
their food supply — here.Copy !req
402. Country Kitchen Buffet?Copy !req
403. Yeah. You take out
Country Kitchen Buffet,Copy !req
404. and old people won't know
what to do.Copy !req
405. That's a retarded idea, Cartman.Copy !req
406. Is it? Two years ago they closed
the Country Kitchen BuffetCopy !req
407. in Steamboat Springs,Copy !req
408. and all the old people died of
starvation in less than a week.Copy !req
409. Yeah.
I remember hearing about that.Copy !req
410. Even if it could work, how would
we go about shutting it down?Copy !req
411. I think I have a plan.
But we'll have to do it tonight.Copy !req
412. We'll start
by sneaking into townCopy !req
413. cleverly disguised
as black people.Copy !req
414. At 5:45,
Kenny and Kyle split offCopy !req
415. and set a diversion
on the east side of town.Copy !req
416. Meanwhile, Stan and I sneak
into the mayor's officeCopy !req
417. and steal some of the explosives
the old people have stashed.Copy !req
418. 9:00, we rendezvous
at the Country Kitchen Buffet,Copy !req
419. where we strap the explosives
and the timer to Kyle's chest.Copy !req
420. We say our tearful goodbyes
to Kyle,Copy !req
421. and then we send him inside.Copy !req
422. Yeah!
- All right!Copy !req
423. Mrph rm!
- I did it!Copy !req
424. Yeah, or we just go
to Country Kitchen BuffetCopy !req
425. and lock it from the inside
so the seniors can't get in.Copy !req
426. Well, right.
Or we do — do that.Copy !req
427. All right, everyone.Copy !req
428. Round up your ammunition
and get ready to move.Copy !req
429. We're taking this war
further out!Copy !req
430. All right!
- Revolution!Copy !req
431. Let's go!
- Look, Bob.Copy !req
432. Uh, I appreciate what the AARP
is trying to do for us,Copy !req
433. but, uh, all we want
is our licenses back.Copy !req
434. Huh?
Heck, no!Copy !req
435. This is going too well.Copy !req
436. We're gonna take
the whole country back,Copy !req
437. wipe out everyone
below the age of 65.Copy !req
438. Wipe 'em out?
What are you, senile?Copy !req
439. Come on, everyone!Copy !req
440. It's time to plan phase two!Copy !req
441. What the heck?Copy !req
442. Huh?
What is this?Copy !req
443. It's 6:00 a.m.
Country Kitchen should be open.Copy !req
444. I-It's not open?
H-Has to be.Copy !req
445. Try a window.Copy !req
446. They're blocked from the inside!Copy !req
447. No.Copy !req
448. No. Let us in!
Let us in!Copy !req
449. Open the doors!Copy !req
450. It's 6:00 a.m.!
- It's 6:00 a.m.!Copy !req
451. We're hungry!Copy !req
452. Open the Country Kitchen Buffet!Copy !req
453. You have to let us in!Copy !req
454. All right, everyone.
Area secure.Copy !req
455. Collect their weapons
and free the hostages.Copy !req
456. That was a great strategy, boys.Copy !req
457. You may very well have saved
this entire country.Copy !req
458. What happened?
Is it over?Copy !req
459. Everything is fine.Copy !req
460. Control of the town
is back to you folks.Copy !req
461. Country Kitchen.
W-What happened?Copy !req
462. Sir, what should we do
with this one?Copy !req
463. It's up to the townspeople.Copy !req
464. Well, I think he learned
his lesson, huh?Copy !req
465. Don't you feel silly now, Dad?Copy !req
466. I think somebody owes us all
an apology.Copy !req
467. Yes, he does.Copy !req
468. Oh, stop it, Dad.
This is partly your fault.Copy !req
469. Huh?Copy !req
470. All Grandpa wants is not to be
talked to like a child.Copy !req
471. I think half
of what he was angry aboutCopy !req
472. wasn't what you were doing,
but how you were doing it.Copy !req
473. That's right.Copy !req
474. And, Grandpa,
you should be proudCopy !req
475. you made it though life
to be a senior.Copy !req
476. But you should also realize that
when you get behind the wheel,Copy !req
477. you're a killing machine.Copy !req
478. I know.Copy !req
479. I guess sometimes us seniors
need to knowCopy !req
480. when to stop drivingCopy !req
481. so we don't put the
responsibility on our families.Copy !req
482. Well, I think this has been
a real learning experienceCopy !req
483. for the Marsh family.Copy !req
484. People died,
but we all grew a little.Copy !req
485. Let's just go home.Copy !req
486. Sure.
I'll drive.Copy !req
487. That's our Grandpa.Copy !req
488. Dude, I hate my family.Copy !req