1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a time
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2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptation
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3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behind
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4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"
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5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwind
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6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, Timmy
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7. Living a lie, Timmy!
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8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mine
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9. Okay, now put on the nose, Tweek.
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10. - I can't! You do it!
- Just stick it on!
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11. But what if I put it in the wrong place?
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12. Just put it between its eyes!
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13. But what if,
while I'm putting on the nose,
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14. the snowman comes to life
and tries to kill me?
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15. Tweek, when has that ever happened
except for that one time?
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16. - Yeah!
- Hey, fellas!
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17. - Oh, hey, Butters.
- How are things going
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18. with your new best friend?
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19. Well, Tweek's okay,
but he's certainly no Kenny!
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20. Yeah, but he's still
better than you, Butters.
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21. - Yeah.
- Well, that's good.
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22. Good luck being their new friend,
Tweek.
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23. Hopefully you'll do better than me.
See ya, fellas.
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24. Oh, man!
That is way too much pressure!
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25. You guys! You guys!
You're not gonna believe it!
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26. Uh-oh.
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27. Everything's gonna be okay, you guys!
Life isn't so crappy after all!
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28. - It's not?
- No!
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29. I was looking in this magazine, and
I found an ad for little ocean creatures
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30. that you can buy and raise in your room.
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31. No way.
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32. Look!
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33. Sea-People.
You keep them in a big tank of water
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34. and they, like, build castles
and play basketball and stuff.
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35. - Nu-uh.
- Yeah!
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36. And look, they ride around on turtles
and they play games with fish!
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37. No way.
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38. Okay, Kyle, you're being
a Negative Nancy. Stop it, okay,
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39. unless you want everyone to call you
Negative Nancy from now on.
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40. Now what we need is to all chip in $4
and we can have them here tomorrow.
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41. Only $16?
They can't be cool if they're only $16.
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42. If Nancy doesn't want to chip in,
then it will be $5.35 per person.
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43. - All right, I'll chip in.
- Me, too!
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44. Oh, all right.
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45. Butters! Don't forget
dinner is in two hours!
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46. Okay, Mom. I'm just gonna
be up here doing my homework.
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47. Yes, by day he is mild-mannered,
sweet and innocent Butters!
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48. But nobody knows
that he actually has a dark underside!
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49. Professor Chaos!
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50. Time to wreak havoc
on the world that shunned me!
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51. Professor Chaos!
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52. Ah! My faithful companion in world
destruction, General Disarray!
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53. I have done as you asked and brought
the first load of scrap wood!
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54. Excellent, General Disarray!
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55. Now we can begin
my most horrible, evil plan yet
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56. to wreak havoc on humanity!
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57. What dastardly deed are we doing now?
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58. Simple, my dear General!
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59. We are going to block out the sun!
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60. - Wow.
- Oh, yes! I have plotted for weeks
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61. and figured that if we build
a huge wooden shade
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62. 80-feet high and 50-feet wide
precisely on this hill,
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63. South Park will forever be cast
in a great shadow!
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64. Oh, awesome!
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65. Soon all people
will have to live like moles!
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66. They will live only to remember with
sorrow how great the sun used to be!
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67. Cool, it'll be just like on The Simpsons.
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68. - Huh?
- They did that on The Simpsons.
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69. I think it was the Mr. Burns character.
He tried to block Springfield
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70. - From the sun.
- He did?
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71. Aw, heck, I thought I was being original.
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72. - So how do we build it?
- Aw, I don't wanna do it now.
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73. Not if they already did it
on The Simpsons.
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74. Now I gotta think of something else...
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75. God damn it, how come every time
I think of something clever,
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76. The Simpsons already did it?
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77. Sea-People...
Coming in the mail tomorrow...
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78. Yes. Yes.
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79. Look at me, I'm living free
Free and clean amongst the Sea-People
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80. We look for pirates, and search for gold
Life's an adventure with the Sea-People
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81. They don't ever complain
They don't call me fat
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82. They don't make me do homework
or nothing like that
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83. This is the way life was meant to be
Laughing and singing
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84. Sea-People and me
Sea-People and me
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85. Wow.
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86. Only 3 more hours, Sea-People.
Only 3 more hours
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87. and you can take me away from this
crappy goddamn planet full of hippies.
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88. Okay, I've added the water purifier
tablet to the Sea-People Kingdom Tank.
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89. Now, it says, "Step 2.
Add the Sea-People eggs to the water.
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90. "You will see sea life spring instantly."
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91. Okay, let's just run through this
one more time.
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92. When the Sea-People arrive,
I will welcome them to South Park
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93. as ambassador of Earth. Tweek,
you give them the key to the city,
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94. and we'll all engage them
in simple conversation.
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95. We've got to make the Sea-People
feel comfortable. Okay? Ready?
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96. - Ready. Let's see 'em.
- Hold the sign up, Kyle!
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97. Higher, Kyle!
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98. Okay. Here we go!
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99. Are they playing basketball?
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100. What the... is this?
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101. Hey, these are brine shrimp.
I used to feed them to my fish.
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102. I got ripped off!
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103. - I told you, Cartman.
- Oh, shut up, Kyle!
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104. Shut your God damn Jew mouth!
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105. You people are why there's war
in the Middle East.
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106. And you, Tweek! Why don't you learn
to button your shirt right for once,
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107. you're as bad as Stan
with his stupid girlfriend,
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108. always spending time with her!
God, I hate you guys!
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109. They were supposed to take me away
to their underwater kingdom.
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110. They were supposed to take me
on adventures of the deep.
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111. They package brine shrimp and sell
them to kids? That's not right, man!
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112. - What are we gonna do with them?
- Who cares? Throw them away.
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113. Hey, let's pour them in
the teacher's coffee tomorrow morning!
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114. Yeah! That'd be funny!
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115. Okay!
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116. All right, listen to me.
We must take a strict vow of silence.
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117. - Jesus Christ, we killed her!
- Tweek, shut the hell up!
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118. General Disarray!
Are your parents home?
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119. - No!
- I've done it, General Disarray!
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120. I've completed
my most horrible deed to date!
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121. - What?
- You know that big statue
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122. in the town square
of pioneer John Wesley Powell?
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123. I snuck over there
with a hacksaw and I cut off his head!
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124. - Yeah.
- Oh...
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125. They're probably just realising it now!
Quick! We must turn on the news!
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126. but Hillary Clinton's ass
just keeps getting bigger.
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127. Also in the news tonight,
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128. a vandal has apparently cut off
and stolen the head
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129. of the Powell statue
in the South Park town square.
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130. Look! Look! I made the news!
I've wreaked havoc!
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131. The head was taken
in the early morning hours,
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132. and the police have no leads!
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133. I finally made the world sorry!
I brought sadness and chaos!
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134. This act, of course, reminded us all
of the time that Bart Simpson
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135. took the head of the Springfield statue
in one of their classic episodes.
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136. Here's what some people had to say.
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137. Well, I think whoever took the head
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138. was really just doing an homage to
The Simpsons, and I think it's great.
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139. Yes, it really made me reflect
on that episode and laugh!
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140. The Simpsons is such a great show
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141. and we need reminders like this
to keep us watching!
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142. Aw. Son of a bitch.
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143. The police say that instead of looking
for the missing head,
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144. they'd rather leave it off, and be
reminded of The Simpsons every day.
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145. Why didn't you tell me
The Simpsons already did that?
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146. You seemed so proud,
I didn't want to bum you out.
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147. Stupid Simpsons.
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148. Hello there, Phillip!
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149. - I brought you something!
- What is it?
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150. See? We're just watching cartoons
like always. Nothing's changed.
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151. Jesus Christ, she's dead!
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152. Stop it, Tweek! We're pretending
like nothing happened.
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153. Phillip, I think I may have
accidentally killed Celine Dion!
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154. Killing is never an accident,
you dickface!
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155. Oh, Jesus, change the channel!
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156. And in other news,
still no cause of death found
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157. for elementary-school teacher
Diane Choksondik.
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158. However, doctors say
that during the autopsy,
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159. they did find semen in her stomach!
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160. They found the sea men.
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161. It's only a matter of time
before they find the women, too!
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162. The autopsy is ongoing,
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163. and cause of death
has yet to be determined.
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164. - Oh, God!
- We're dead!
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165. Oh, Jesus, that's it, man!
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166. I want nothing more to do with you guys.
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167. Tweek! Where are you going?
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168. They're gonna find you out!
And when they do I don't wanna be
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169. within 50 feet of you!
You're gonna fry, man!
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170. Hey, Tweek, you're in this
just as much as we are!
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171. What? I told you
not to put the Sea-People in her coffee!
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172. I wasn't even there when you did it!
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173. Yeah, but you're our new friend
and that makes you co-pee-able.
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174. In fact,
it makes you the most responsible.
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175. Tweek, you might have to
take the fall on this one.
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176. Well, hello there, children!
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177. - Chef, we did something kind of bad.
- We don't know who else to talk to.
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178. Oh, I'm sure your little cracker problems
ain't all that bad. Come on in.
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179. Now, just sit down,
and take a deep breath
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180. and tell ol' Chef what's going on.
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181. We need you to promise
not to tell anybody.
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182. Now, children, every problem
can be worked out. What was it?
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183. We killed our teacher, and they found
our sea men in her stomach.
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184. Oh, children, that's a problem we all
have to face at one time or another.
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185. Here, let me sing you a little song
that might cheer you up.
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186. Sometimes you kill your teacher
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187. And they find your semen
in her stomach, and the...
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188. - Wait... What the... What?
- So what should we do?
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189. - Wow, I guess this really is a big deal.
- We've only got one option, you guys.
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190. We're gonna have to go to that hospital
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191. where they're doing the autopsy,
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192. and get our sea men back ourselves!
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193. I pulled out my hair!
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194. Okay, how about this, Dougie?
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195. I am going to pose
as a real estate agent,
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196. and con everyone in town
into buying a monorail,
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197. and then skip town with all their money!
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198. No?
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199. Simpsons did it.
They did it Episode 204.
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200. Okay, then I'm going to start a website
to spread vicious rumours
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201. about everyone in town! And then...
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202. Simpsons did it.
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203. I'll bury a skeleton wearing angel wings
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204. so that the townspeople
will think a fallen angel has...
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205. Simpsons did it.
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206. This is it.
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207. All right, everyone scatter
and look for the sea men.
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208. Tweek, stay by the door
and keep a lookout.
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209. If you see anybody coming
say the code word, "Hammer time."
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210. Hammer time?
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211. Can't the code word just be, "Look out"?
I won't remember Hammer time!
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212. Just remember the song
Can't Touch This
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213. and you'll remember the code word!
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214. - Yeah, stupid!
- Oh, God!
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215. There's nothing here.
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216. Dude, it's probably still in her stomach.
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217. - Is it her?
- Yeah, it's Ms. Choksondik, all right.
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218. - What do we do now?
- Just reach in there
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219. and get the sea men
out of her stomach.
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220. Oh, God, you guys are such pussies.
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221. You guys!
I can't remember the code word!
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222. Can you see the Sea-People?
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223. - No, just a bunch of goo.
- You guys!
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224. Can't touch this
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225. - Ms. Choksondik stinks inside.
- Yeah.
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226. Can't touch this
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227. Stop. Hammer time!
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228. Quick! Hide!
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229. Well, at least we got
Shannon Sharpe back.
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230. All right, let's just leave
the semen sample next to the corpse.
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231. I want to run a hair fibre test next.
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232. - Hey, do you smell children?
- No, I just thought it was you.
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233. - Got it!
- Let's go.
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234. Bring the World Cup to South Park
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235. so that a huge soccer riot can destroy...
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236. Simpsons did it. Simpsons did it.
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237. Take all the beer cans in South Park
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238. and have them shaken up
in a huge mixer
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239. at the paint store so that they...
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240. Episode 9F17
entitled "So It's Come To This."
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241. Fine! Then maybe I'll just forget
about destroying the town,
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242. and just run away and join the circus!
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243. Simpsons did it.
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244. There. We just put the Sea-People
back in the tank with the others.
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245. And nobody will ever know. The blood
is washed neatly from our hands.
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246. All right, children, I got you
four tickets to Thailand and $300 cash.
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247. It's gonna be tough living
for a while, you might have to
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248. do some things for money
you never thought of doing before.
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249. It's all right, Chef.
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250. We got our Sea-People
out of the teacher's stomach,
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251. and we put them back in their aquarium.
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252. Wait. What? Sea-People?
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253. The Sea-People
that we put in the teacher's coffee!
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254. Maybe you better
start from the beginning.
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255. - And then we put them back in the tank.
- Oh, children! You misunderstood!
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256. - Sea-People is different from semen!
- It is?
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257. Yes! That stuff that was in that vial
didn't come from you,
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258. it came from someone else!
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259. I thought you children took turns raping
and then murdered the teacher.
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260. Well, if they found somebody else's
sea men in her stomach,
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261. maybe they'll find our Sea-People, too!
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262. Relax, children!
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263. Drinking some brine shrimp
can't kill you!
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264. Your teacher must have died
from something else!
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265. Oh, really?
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266. I'm so relieved!
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267. All right,
you children have had a long night.
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268. Why don't we all get some rest,
and on Monday I'll sing you a song,
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269. explaining the difference
between semen and Sea-People.
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270. Come on, children,
I'll walk you all home.
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271. - Okay. Good night, Cartman.
- Night, guys.
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272. I'm so glad we're not murderers.
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273. It's so great
that everything is finally back to normal.
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274. You guys! Come quick!
You won't believe it!
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275. Oh, no! What now?
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276. Those sea men
from the teacher's stomach
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277. somehow combined
with the remaining Sea-People
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278. we had left in the tank and...
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279. Well, look.
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280. Whoa.
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281. How? How did that happen?
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282. I've been up for hours
doing some calculations,
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283. and I've come up with my
Final Theory of Composite Dynamics.
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284. Sea-People plus Sea Men equals...
Sea Ciety.
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285. Whoa.
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286. They've already accomplished so much.
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287. They're like bacteria!
Small organisms live much faster lives
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288. - And do things at a much faster rate.
- That's right, Tweek.
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289. And if my theory is correct,
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290. all we need is to get more
of the two reacting agents
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291. and we can really see them thrive!
Tweek!
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292. You go and send away for more
Sea-People from the magazine ad.
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293. Get at least 5 gallons of them here stat.
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294. Stan and Kyle, you go find a bigger
fish tank to put them all in!
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295. What are you gonna do?
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296. Me?
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297. I'm going to go out on the town
and find 10 gallons of sea men.
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298. I have done it, General Disarray.
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299. I've watched all 132 episodes
of The Simpsons. Twice.
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300. And I have finally come up with
something that they have never done.
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301. Behold! This device that I made
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302. will take the cherries
out of chocolate-covered cherries
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303. and replace the inside instead
with 2-month old mayonnaise!
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304. People will think that they are going to
get a bite of a sweet, delicious cherry,
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305. but instead they'll get a mouthful
of yucky, sticky mayonnaise!
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306. You've never seen this
on The Simpsons, right?
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307. No, I think The Simpsons
would be more clever than that.
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308. Good! Then let us take
my machine outside
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309. and make society
finally pay for shunning us!
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310. Tonight on The Simpsons...
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311. It's a laugh-a-rama when Bart builds
a machine that takes the cherries
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312. out of chocolate-covered cherries and
replaces it instead with mayonnaise.
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313. No... No, it can't be!
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314. Uh-oh! Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
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315. - No! No!
- Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
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316. - Don't have a cow, man.
- Oh, sweet Jesus!
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317. - Can I help you?
- Yes, my mommy told me this is
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318. - Where I could find some sea men.
- Your mom told you?
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319. Do you have them or not?
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320. We sell semen, yes,
but not normally to children.
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321. What's your name?
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322. - Francis Bellman.
- Francis, let's talk.
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323. I don't want
a bunch of bullcrap from you,
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324. you don't want
a bunch of bullcrap from me, right?
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325. Where does that get us? Nowhere.
The truth is I am completely certified
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326. to handle sea men,
and though I may appear young,
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327. I'm one of the leading
sea men authorities of the Midwest.
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328. Up and comer,
you know what I'm saying?
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329. Have my own business soon
and I'll need people to help me run it.
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330. I'm talking about you, Francis,
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331. and I'm talking about
a six-figure income, how's that sound?
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332. Everything we supply here
is by a quarter ounce.
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333. One donor, certified on record.
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334. I see, very interesting.
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335. What are you doing?
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336. Let's take a look here.
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337. Seems like quality stuff
you got here, Francis.
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338. Yeah. Good texture, nice consistency.
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339. The sea men must be alive and healthy
in there. I'll take five.
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340. Five? Vials?
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341. - No, gallons.
- We don't have that much here.
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342. Damn it! Give me all you got, then!
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343. No! No!
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344. Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!
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345. Hey! Let me on! Let me on!
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346. Sit down and shut up!
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347. - Butters, have you seen Mr. Hat?
- Hello there, children!
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348. No!
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349. What the hell is wrong with him?
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350. Look! The Sea-People have evolved
to an Egyptian-like culture!
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351. - Soon they'll discover frozen foods!
- That should be enough water, Kyle.
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352. You got the new
Sea-People packets, Tweek?
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353. - Well, drop 'em in!
- And I've got the sea men!
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354. Wow, that's a lot of sea men
you got there, Cartman.
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355. Yeah, I bought all that I could
at this bank,
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356. and then I got the rest
from this guy Ralph in an alley.
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357. - That's cool.
- Yeah, and the sweet thing is,
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358. the stupid asshole
didn't even charge me money for it!
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359. He just made me close my eyes
and suck it out of a hose.
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360. There we go.
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361. Okay, now let's put
the sea-ciety in its new home!
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362. Nothing to do now but wait.
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363. Close your eyes
and suck it out of a hose?
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364. Suck it out of a hose, yup.
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365. Oh, my God...
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366. Their tiny underwater civilization has
advanced hundreds of years! Look!
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367. There's a library and a temple and a...
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368. They think I'm God...
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369. Yes! I am God of the Sea-People!
You hear that?
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370. I am God of the Sea-People!
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371. I am master
of their great sunken empire!
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372. Mom! I'm God of the Sea-People!
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373. That's nice, poopie.
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374. And in other South Park news,
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375. elementary-school teacher
Ms. Choksondik's autopsy has shown
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376. that the semen in her stomach belonged
to school counsellor, Mr. Mackey.
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377. However, the semen apparently
did not contribute to the death,
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378. and so Mr. Mackey's identity
is to remain anonymous.
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379. Hey, Butters!
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380. Hey, what are you doing, man?
Cartman said
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381. he has something really cool
to show everybody! You gotta come.
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382. Cartman?
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383. Ha-ha!
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384. Behold!
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385. You all see my tiny minions grovelling at
my likeness! I am Eric Cartman, God.
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386. Hey, we paid for the Sea-People, too.
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387. How come
they're not making statues of us?
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388. Be ye not jealous, Jew.
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389. I am creator of all things, yea.
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390. That is very impressive, Eric.
What do you intend to do
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391. - With your underwater society?
- I am going to send a message
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392. to my people and tell them
to develop a great machine
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393. that will shrink me down to their size
so I can live amongst them forever!
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394. What the hell is wrong with you,
Butters?
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395. They did that on The Simpsons!
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396. Treehouse of Horror episode
4FO2, "The Genesis Tub"!
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397. Lisa loses a tooth
and the bacteria on it starts to grow
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398. and makes a little society and they build
a statue of her thinking she's God!
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399. - So?
- Yeah, so?
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400. Dude, The Simpsons has done
everything already, who cares?
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401. Yeah, they've been on the air
for, like, 13 years.
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402. - Of course they've done everything.
- Every idea has been done, Butters,
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403. - even before The Simpsons.
- Yeah.
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404. In fact, that episode was
a rip-off of a Twilight Zone episode.
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405. Really?
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406. So I shouldn't care if I come up with an
idea and The Simpsons already did it.
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407. It doesn't matter.
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408. Everything is back to normal! I think...
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409. I think I can go back to trying
to destroy the world again!
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410. Good for you!
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411. Yeah, that's great, Butters,
now get the hell out of my room.
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412. I feel like a spring chicken!
I'm ready to wreak havoc once again!
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413. Hey, look, everybody.
The other side of the aquarium
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414. is building another statue!
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415. - Hey, it's Tweek!
- Me?
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416. Oh, man! I don't want to be a God!
That is way too much pressure!
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417. That is bullcrap! You better stop
worshiping him, Sea-People!
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418. What's going on now?
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419. The Sea-People from Cartman's side
are suicide bombing
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420. the buildings on Tweek's side!
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421. Yeah, go!
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422. Now what's happening?
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423. The Sea-People on Tweek's side just
suicide bombed the Cartman statue!
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424. Oh, God damn it!
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425. Oh, no! Oh, the humanity!
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426. Well, it was a nice project
while it lasted, boys.
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427. Yeah, but I guess this proves
that war is the natural order of life.
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428. Why can't societies just live in peace?
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