1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptationCopy !req
3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"Copy !req
5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, TimmyCopy !req
7. Living a lie, Timmy!Copy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. - Okay, here he comes.
- Who wants to tell him?Copy !req
10. I'll do it.Copy !req
11. Hey, fellas! I'm glad you called me!Copy !req
12. There's a pie-eating contest
down at the firehouse,Copy !req
13. and I thought we should all go!Copy !req
14. Butters, could you take a seat, please?Copy !req
15. Well, sure.Copy !req
16. Butters, we have to have
a very difficult conversation.Copy !req
17. What is it?Copy !req
18. Well, in the months
since our friend Kenny died,Copy !req
19. you have really stepped up as a friend
and "filled the gap," so to speak.Copy !req
20. Well, it's my pleasure!
I love being you guys' new friend.Copy !req
21. Yes, well, Butters,
it's just not working out.Copy !req
22. Not working out?Copy !req
23. I'm afraid we're going to
have to let you go as our friend.Copy !req
24. You're just too...Copy !req
25. - Lame.
- Lame, yes.Copy !req
26. But I can get better!Copy !req
27. Butters, you just don't
really fit in with us here.Copy !req
28. We think it's best for all of us if you look
for friendship opportunities elsewhere.Copy !req
29. But we certainly want to thank youCopy !req
30. for all your hard work and attempts at
being our friend. Lame as they were.Copy !req
31. But I thought we were
really getting along great!Copy !req
32. I thought we were
really having fun together.Copy !req
33. Yes, well, we weren't.Copy !req
34. Please, fellas, don't fire me.Copy !req
35. We're sorry, Butters,
our mind is made up.Copy !req
36. But we certainly want to
thank you for coming by.Copy !req
37. You know your way out, right?Copy !req
38. He took that pretty well, I think.Copy !req
39. - Who cares?
- All right, so let's get startedCopy !req
40. on who's going to be the new person
to take Kenny's place.Copy !req
41. The world isn't fair.
I do everything people ask me to.Copy !req
42. I stand in the lunch lines for them.Copy !req
43. I buy tampons at the store for them.Copy !req
44. I go on Maury Povich
with balls on my chin for them.Copy !req
45. And yet nobody accepts me.Copy !req
46. I am an outcast.Copy !req
47. A shadow of a man
who can find no companionship,Copy !req
48. no love from others.Copy !req
49. Fine! If I am to be an outcast, so be it.Copy !req
50. I'm through doing
what others tell me to do,Copy !req
51. and I am sick of this world
and the stinky people in it.Copy !req
52. From now on, I will dedicate my lifeCopy !req
53. to bringing chaos
to the world that has dejected me!Copy !req
54. I will become the greatest supervillain
the world has ever seen!Copy !req
55. Where I go, destruction will follow!Copy !req
56. Prepare, oh, little town.Copy !req
57. Prepare for the greatest supervillain
you have ever seen...Copy !req
58. Professor Chaos!Copy !req
59. - Butters, time for bed.
- Okay, Mom.Copy !req
60. Yes, sleep for now.Copy !req
61. Tomorrow, the chaos begins.Copy !req
62. All right, we want to
thank everybody for coming.Copy !req
63. This is a great turnout.Copy !req
64. Uh, as you know, our friend Kenny
died a few months ago,Copy !req
65. and we are still looking
to fill the void with a new friend.Copy !req
66. You've all been selected
as possible candidates,Copy !req
67. but unfortunately,
there is only room for one of you.Copy !req
68. And so, Stan and Kyle and I
will be spending the next few daysCopy !req
69. going out with each one of you,
and narrowing our choices down,Copy !req
70. until we think
we've found the perfect friend.Copy !req
71. Are there any questions?Copy !req
72. What if we don't want to be your friend?Copy !req
73. Clyde... Okay?Copy !req
74. Now, the first thing we have to do is cut
the list down from 20 choices to 10.Copy !req
75. And so today, we will all be
going to the amusement park together,Copy !req
76. to see who we want to cut.Copy !req
77. Please keep in mind
this will all be videotaped,Copy !req
78. so put on your best friend faces,
and may the best friend win!Copy !req
79. Oh, and we will be needing
a $10 per person entrance fee.Copy !req
80. Order 23 is up and order 24 is up.Copy !req
81. Uh, waitress, I actually ordered
the chicken soup, this is minestrone.Copy !req
82. Yeah, I had the minestrone over here.Copy !req
83. I am Professor Chaos!Copy !req
84. And now this puny world
will bow down to me!Copy !req
85. So, today we went to the amusement
park with all our possible friends.Copy !req
86. It was a really fun time.Copy !req
87. We rode all the rides
and everyone got along great.Copy !req
88. I think the person that stood out most
at the amusement park was Jimmy.Copy !req
89. Well, the reason I think I would
make the perfect fourth friendCopy !req
90. is that I love telling jokes.Copy !req
91. You know, who doesn't like to laugh?Copy !req
92. Tweek.
Now there's an interesting choice.Copy !req
93. Tweek has a lot of qualities
that I look for in a friend.Copy !req
94. What if they don't pick me?
What if they get us all, man?Copy !req
95. I mean, Christ, if they can get to the
Pentagon, they can get to us all, man!Copy !req
96. I think I deserve to take
Kenny's place the most,Copy !req
97. because I've been
hanging around these guysCopy !req
98. for, like, five years,
and I never get to say or do anything.Copy !req
99. Yeah, I've always seen that kid in class,
but he never does anything.Copy !req
100. He's more like a prop.Copy !req
101. Towelie is a tough choice,
because even though I can seeCopy !req
102. how always having
a towel around could come in handy,Copy !req
103. he's just always so high.Copy !req
104. Yeah, I really hope I win, because...Copy !req
105. Wait, what is this, again?Copy !req
106. I have no idea what's going on.Copy !req
107. We decided to get some one-on-one
time with Jimmy, and ride the log ride.Copy !req
108. The great thing was
that because Jimmy's crippled,Copy !req
109. we got to go to the front of the line!Copy !req
110. That was definitely big points for Jimmy,
you know. But...Copy !req
111. But then we got to the ride itself, and...Copy !req
112. Hey, I'm gonna need
some help getting in the log, fellas.Copy !req
113. Oh, shut her down!
Someone needs assistance!Copy !req
114. Oh, really?
That's gonna cost some points.Copy !req
115. But right now, I'd say if we're gonna
have a retard for a friend,Copy !req
116. I'd have to pick Timmy,
because Timmy doesn't tell lame jokes.Copy !req
117. Boy, isn't this great, fellas?
Are we great pals, or what?Copy !req
118. One thing's for sure. Picking our
new friend isn't gonna be easy.Copy !req
119. Kneel! Kneel before Professor Chaos!Copy !req
120. Oh, the look on their faces
when they got the wrong soup!Copy !req
121. I love bringing chaos.Copy !req
122. And that is only the beginning!Copy !req
123. All right, everyone,
it was a tough decision,Copy !req
124. but based on our time with you all
at the amusement park,Copy !req
125. we have whittled our choices
down to 10.Copy !req
126. If you receive a rose, please stay.
If you don't, please get the fudge out.Copy !req
127. Kyle, will you announce
the people we want to stay?Copy !req
128. Token.Copy !req
129. Clyde.Copy !req
130. Craig.Copy !req
131. - Timmy.
- Timmy!Copy !req
132. - Oh, man! This is too much pressure!
- Pip.Copy !req
133. Jimmy.Copy !req
134. Jason.Copy !req
135. Towelie.Copy !req
136. Luigi.Copy !req
137. Just one rose left, Kyle.
Who does it go to?Copy !req
138. Tweek.Copy !req
139. All right, the rest of you.
Thanks for coming, get the fudge out.Copy !req
140. I didn't make the cut? Oh, God!
I didn't make the cut?Copy !req
141. I didn't even get a chance
to have them get to know me!Copy !req
142. All right, congratulations
to those of you selected to stay.Copy !req
143. In the end,
one of you will be the new Kenny.Copy !req
144. Good luck.Copy !req
145. - Good morning, Butters.
- It certainly is, mother!Copy !req
146. Did you hear about
what's been going on?Copy !req
147. Some horrible new supervillainCopy !req
148. made somebody get
the wrong soup order at Bennigan's!Copy !req
149. - No, I didn't hear about that.
- You didn't?Copy !req
150. Dad, could I...
Can I see the newspaper real quick?Copy !req
151. Well, sure, Butters, I was just
about to get some breakfast.Copy !req
152. Nothing! Nothing!Copy !req
153. It's the liberal media.Copy !req
154. They're keeping the stories
of my deeds covered upCopy !req
155. so as not to cause a panic!Copy !req
156. Well, then,
I guess it's time to step it up a notch!Copy !req
157. Okay, next.Copy !req
158. - This looks pretty good.
- Yeah, it's not bad. Next.Copy !req
159. - Timmy!
- Next.Copy !req
160. Okay, so now we're going to seeCopy !req
161. how you all work as a friend
during class time.Copy !req
162. Your performances will be judged
primarily on how you help us cheatCopy !req
163. and give us answers.
So, good luck, everybody!Copy !req
164. - Sit down, boys.
- Alrighty, then.Copy !req
165. All right, children, before we get started,Copy !req
166. has anybody seen
the eraser for the chalkboard?Copy !req
167. It probably got
knocked on the floor somewhere.Copy !req
168. Can you all please
just look around your desks for it?Copy !req
169. Yes, look around for your
precious eraser. You won't find it.Copy !req
170. That eraser is in my backyard,Copy !req
171. buried three feet below
the surface of the Earth.Copy !req
172. And do you even suspect me? No!Copy !req
173. Now we shall see how you all like your
dear chalkboard without an eraser,Copy !req
174. with information that just keeps
piling up and piling upCopy !req
175. until your minuscule brains
can take it no longer!Copy !req
176. No? Oh, well. Never mind.
I've got a backup one in the desk.Copy !req
177. Okay. Today, children, we're going to
learn about multiplying times five...Copy !req
178. So! You all think that you can
outsmart Professor Chaos, do you?Copy !req
179. Now, whenever we multiply
a number times five,Copy !req
180. the result is going to end
in a zero or a five.Copy !req
181. - Ms Choksondik?
- What is it, Butters?Copy !req
182. Uh, I need to go
to the bathroom really bad.Copy !req
183. All right, Butters.
Take the bathroom pass and go.Copy !req
184. - Okay, so for instance, children...
- All right,Copy !req
185. I'm going to the bathroom nowCopy !req
186. and if anybody needs me,
that's where I'll be.Copy !req
187. Just go, Butters.Copy !req
188. Okay, so for instance,
five times one is...Copy !req
189. - What, Eric?
- Uh... What's the question, again?Copy !req
190. Five times one.Copy !req
191. Five times one is, of course...Copy !req
192. - Five.
- Five.Copy !req
193. Five!Copy !req
194. The time for fun and games is over,
feeble-minded fools!Copy !req
195. - Who are you?
- I am Professor Chaos,Copy !req
196. bringer of destruction
and maker of doom!Copy !req
197. Those who do not know me yet
shall know me very soon,Copy !req
198. for the hour of chaos is at hand!Copy !req
199. Hey! That kid took my last eraser!
Come back here, kid!Copy !req
200. Oh, I'm back from the bathroom.
I really let one go in there!Copy !req
201. Butters, did you see another little kid
run out of here?Copy !req
202. Why, yes, I did! But he pushed me downCopy !req
203. and I scraped my elbow!
Go on and look at it. It's scraped! Look!Copy !req
204. Yes, go on and see
the red mark on my elbow!Copy !req
205. The red mark I made myself,
to throw you off Professor Chaos' trail!Copy !req
206. It looks fine, Butters.
Okay, hold on and stay here, children.Copy !req
207. - You're such a fat ass, Cartman!
- Oh yeah?Copy !req
208. - Well, you're a stupid Jew!
- Shut up, fat ass!Copy !req
209. Oh. Uh... You guys are dumb.Copy !req
210. Okay. Craig, interesting choice.Copy !req
211. Powerful stuff there, Craig.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
212. It is almost complete.Copy !req
213. The creation of my minions,
who will assist meCopy !req
214. in bringing terror to the world...Copy !req
215. There we go.Copy !req
216. Yes. My minions of chaos.Copy !req
217. Now, now, my lovelies, your time
to bring destruction will come very soon.Copy !req
218. Butters, a note for you
was left on the front door.Copy !req
219. - A note?
- Here you go.Copy !req
220. And wash your hands after you touch
those hamsters, you'll get AIDS.Copy !req
221. Okay, Mom.Copy !req
222. So, someone has discovered
my horrible secret.Copy !req
223. This could be a trap set by the FBI.Copy !req
224. Oh, I'll be at the docks, precious FBI,Copy !req
225. but it is I
who'll have the trap set for you.Copy !req
226. Come, my minions!
We haven't much time!Copy !req
227. All right, everyone, the time has come
for us to narrow the list downCopy !req
228. from 10 to six.Copy !req
229. But first, let us just say
that the people who we didn't pickCopy !req
230. were only not picked
because they totally suck balls. Kyle?Copy !req
231. They're not going to pick me.
I just know they're not.Copy !req
232. Oh, Jesus, I can't take it!Copy !req
233. - Token.
- All right!Copy !req
234. - Timmy...
- Timmy!Copy !req
235. Tweek...Copy !req
236. - Pip...
- Really? I don't believe it!Copy !req
237. - Towelie.
- What?Copy !req
238. - Just one more rose, Kyle.
- Jimmy.Copy !req
239. Oh, boy! Oh, thank God!Copy !req
240. All right, those with roses will move onCopy !req
241. to the swimsuit and talent competition.Copy !req
242. The rest of you... Get the fudge out!Copy !req
243. This whole thing is stupid! You don't
pick people you want to be withCopy !req
244. by making it into a game!Copy !req
245. Oh, somebody's a sore loser!Copy !req
246. Clyde, I believe I said,
"Get the fudge out," which means...Copy !req
247. "Kiss my fudging ass, go fudge yourself,
fudger, get the fudge out," Clyde.Copy !req
248. - Hey, Butters.
- Oh, hey, Dougie. Oh, I mean,Copy !req
249. my name is Professor Chaos!Copy !req
250. I saw you change
in the school bathroom.Copy !req
251. You stole that eraser in your class.Copy !req
252. Very well!
You called out Professor Chaos,Copy !req
253. and you also called out
your own demise!Copy !req
254. Go now, my minions!
Go and take this foolish mortal down!Copy !req
255. Aw, minions, not... Not that way.
Come back, minions!Copy !req
256. I'm not trying to call you out,
Professor Chaos.Copy !req
257. I want to join you.Copy !req
258. Join me?Copy !req
259. Yeah, I want to join you
in your conquest of destruction.Copy !req
260. - But why?
- I am an outcast, too.Copy !req
261. A frail child cast aside by society.Copy !req
262. I want to follow you, and...
Whatever you're doing.Copy !req
263. Very well, you shall be
my accomplice in evil.Copy !req
264. Together, we shall bring
the world to its knees,Copy !req
265. and make all those who banished us
from society run wrecked.Copy !req
266. Do I get a neato costume
made out of aluminum foil, too?Copy !req
267. Well, sure you do. I am Professor,
and you shall be my General.Copy !req
268. From now on, you are General Disarray.Copy !req
269. General Disarray.Copy !req
270. Now let us go look for my minions!Copy !req
271. 'Cause they ran away, here...
Better find them.Copy !req
272. The swimsuit competition really gave us
a fresh look at some of the candidates.Copy !req
273. Well, I don't think I did too well
in the bathing suit competition.Copy !req
274. But I can't wait for
the talent show competition...Copy !req
275. That'll really be my chance to shine.Copy !req
276. Wow, what a terrific audience.Copy !req
277. So anyway, a guy walks into a...
A guy walks into a...Copy !req
278. A guy walks into a...
A guy walks into a...Copy !req
279. Okay, wait...Copy !req
280. No, no, wait...Copy !req
281. Next, please.Copy !req
282. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
283. Anything that'll impress us, Token.Copy !req
284. If you were our friend,
how would you keep us entertained?Copy !req
285. Uh... Oh. I know.Copy !req
286. - Very nice.
- I like it.Copy !req
287. Well, Token was the definite winner
of the talent show.Copy !req
288. But then we decided
to take everyone to a baseball game,Copy !req
289. to see how we got along there.Copy !req
290. There goes a hit to left field,
and Foley's going to score.Copy !req
291. Yeah! Isn't this great?Copy !req
292. Drinks! Get your drinks here!Copy !req
293. Oh, yes, could I have some tea, please?Copy !req
294. You don't drink tea at a baseball game,
you French piece of crap!Copy !req
295. Oh, very well, just some crumpets, then.Copy !req
296. All right, that does it!
Pip, get the fudge out! Next!Copy !req
297. Okay, let's try this.Copy !req
298. Hey, what's wrong with the Jumbotron?Copy !req
299. People of Earth! Your meaningless lives
are about to end!Copy !req
300. I am Professor Chaos, and this is
my partner in evil, General Disarray.Copy !req
301. In the past few days,Copy !req
302. I have rained terror down
upon the society that shunned me,Copy !req
303. and now it is time
for my final labour of loathing.Copy !req
304. I am going to flood the world!Copy !req
305. - Flood the world!
- My God!Copy !req
306. I don't want to die! I don't want to die!Copy !req
307. Oh, yes! Every living creature
and every sacred buildingCopy !req
308. will soon be under leagues
and leagues of cold and dark water!Copy !req
309. And there is nothing
you can do to stop it!Copy !req
310. General Disarray,
begin the flooding of Earth!Copy !req
311. You brought this upon yourselves!Copy !req
312. You made the outcasts of the world!
Now, watch!Copy !req
313. Watch as your precious planet drowns!
Watch!Copy !req
314. Dear Christ, who will save us?Copy !req
315. We have very little time to live!Copy !req
316. How shall we spend
our last hours on Earth?Copy !req
317. Our reign of terror is complete!Copy !req
318. The turmoil has now come full circle!Copy !req
319. Hey, is the hose on full,
General Disarray?Copy !req
320. - It's on all the way.
- Oh, all right, then.Copy !req
321. Nothing to do now
but watch the world die!Copy !req
322. Boy, this sure is taking a long time.Copy !req
323. Okay, so how do we all feel
about Towelie as our new friend?Copy !req
324. I think Towelie is awesome.Copy !req
325. Towelie's cool,
but he gets stoned all the time.Copy !req
326. You can't really rely on him for anything.Copy !req
327. This is giving me a headache.Copy !req
328. Now, come on, you guys,
we can't take this decision lightly.Copy !req
329. Whoever we pick is going to beCopy !req
330. the person we do everything with
from now on.Copy !req
331. You're right. Well, how about Timmy?Copy !req
332. He's quiet and he takes direction well.
Really, the perfect friend.Copy !req
333. Yeah, but Timmy
can be really self-centred.Copy !req
334. - How about Token?
- Token's a smartass.Copy !req
335. So? You're a smartass!Copy !req
336. Yeah, but do we
really need another one?Copy !req
337. - Good point.
- Hey, fellas!Copy !req
338. I was just in the neighbourhood, and
I thought I'd stop by this gift basket.Copy !req
339. Oh. Thanks, Jimmy.Copy !req
340. There's some chocolates and licorice,
and some games and puzzles inside.Copy !req
341. - That's great.
- Cool.Copy !req
342. Yeah, well, I guess
I'll be seeing you friends later.Copy !req
343. - All right, Jimmy, see you.
- Suck up.Copy !req
344. Not long now, General Disarray,Copy !req
345. and our horrible plan will be complete.Copy !req
346. Hey, do you think
maybe we should build a boat?Copy !req
347. You know, like a little raft or something?Copy !req
348. So that when the world floods,
you and me and the minions can live?Copy !req
349. Oh, yeah, I hadn't thought of that.
Well, that's a pretty good idea.Copy !req
350. I'll go get a hammer.Copy !req
351. Hey, who is that?Copy !req
352. - Is this it?
- Yeah, 213, that's the one.Copy !req
353. Hey, what are you doing?Copy !req
354. You may have won this time,
but I will be back!Copy !req
355. What do we do now?Copy !req
356. Well, I had another idea
of how to kill the world...Copy !req
357. And I thought it was almost
too horrible to even speak of, but...Copy !req
358. But now they have
left me with no other choice!Copy !req
359. Well, this is it. We have made
our final decision, and one of youCopy !req
360. is who we will be spending our
childhood with as our new friend.Copy !req
361. Oh, please... Oh, God, please.Copy !req
362. Four friends, just one rose.Copy !req
363. The moment of truth is here. Kyle?Copy !req
364. Who does the rose go to?Copy !req
365. This is it, General Disarray.
My final solution.Copy !req
366. What evil plot do you have this time,
Professor Chaos?Copy !req
367. Simple, my dear General.Copy !req
368. We are going to tear down
the Earth's precious atmosphere!Copy !req
369. Oh, yes, my latest plan
will melt the polar icecaps,Copy !req
370. and burn all the world
with the sun's harmful rays!Copy !req
371. Say goodbye to your precious ozone
and hello to chaos!Copy !req
372. Okay, hand me another one,
General Disarray.Copy !req
373. Will Professor Chaos'
latest plot succeed,Copy !req
374. and be the final undoing of Earth?Copy !req
375. And which boy has been chosen to be
the replacement for Kenny?Copy !req
376. And which of these six
South Park residents was killed,Copy !req
377. and will never be seen again?Copy !req
378. The answer to those
questions will be answered...Copy !req
379. Right now.Copy !req
380. No. Tweek. Ms. Choksondik.Copy !req