1. I'm going down to South Park
Gonna have myself a timeCopy !req
2. Friendly faces everywhere
Humble folks without temptationCopy !req
3. Going down to South Park
Gonna leave my woes behindCopy !req
4. Ample parking day or night
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour"Copy !req
5. Heading on up to South Park
Gonna see if I can't unwindCopy !req
6. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy
Timmy, TimmyCopy !req
7. Living a lie, Timmy!Copy !req
8. Come on down to South Park
And meet some friends of mineCopy !req
9. - All right, I'm done.
- You're done?Copy !req
10. Yes, I've tallied up all the times
you've been naughtyCopy !req
11. and deducted the times
you've been nice.Copy !req
12. Yeah, so how does it look?Copy !req
13. It doesn't look good, Eric,
it doesn't look good.Copy !req
14. But I'll still be getting presents
this year, right?Copy !req
15. Actually, it looks like this year
you're gonna owe Santa 306 presents.Copy !req
16. - What?
- 4,312 instances of being naughtyCopy !req
17. against three deductions of being nice.
It's just bad.Copy !req
18. Three?
You didn't deduct all my nice invoices.Copy !req
19. Look, what about this one?Copy !req
20. Yes, well, I didn't think "Hitting Clyde
in the balls with slingshot"Copy !req
21. really counted as nice.Copy !req
22. It was nice for Token.
He laughed for, like, 20 minutes.Copy !req
23. You can't deduct things like that, Eric.Copy !req
24. Santa will know and then
he'll come after you.Copy !req
25. God damn it, I have to get that
Haibo robot doll, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
26. Hey, I'm just
your naughty-or-nice accountant.Copy !req
27. Don't blame me for the numbers.Copy !req
28. Haven't you seen the Haibo doll?
It's like a pet, a robot pet.Copy !req
29. You have to feed it and pet it or else
it dies, and it's the coolest thing ever.Copy !req
30. Santa has to bring me one.Copy !req
31. Well, look, aren't there any other
nice things you've doneCopy !req
32. recently we can write off here?Copy !req
33. I brushed my teeth last night.Copy !req
34. Brushing your teeth isn't
naughty or nice, Eric.Copy !req
35. It just falls more into the category of
"Brushing Your Teeth."Copy !req
36. Well, there's still time before
Christmas. Can't I still make up for it?Copy !req
37. If you cured cancer and AIDS next week,Copy !req
38. you would still owe two presents.Copy !req
39. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
40. I'm afraid you're going
to have to find a way to doCopy !req
41. the nicest, greatest thing
anyone has ever done. Ever.Copy !req
42. Good evening, everyone.Copy !req
43. In a moment, we'll be lighting
the South Park Christmas treeCopy !req
44. to kick off the holidays.Copy !req
45. Christmas tree, Christmas tree.Copy !req
46. Hi, guys. A very merry Christmas to you.
God bless us, everyone.Copy !req
47. What're you doing, Cartman?Copy !req
48. I'm just letting you guys know
how special you are to me.Copy !req
49. But now, before we light the tree, I think
we should all reflect for a momentCopy !req
50. on those who are less fortunate than us.Copy !req
51. Right now in Iraq,
there are children who fear usCopy !req
52. and what we might do to their country.Copy !req
53. The threat of war touches us all,
but over in Iraq, there is no Christmas.Copy !req
54. They have nothing.Copy !req
55. I hate when the Mayor uses Christmas
for her own political agenda.Copy !req
56. Light the damn tree!Copy !req
57. Yeah! Christmas tree, Christmas tree!Copy !req
58. - Oh, my God, that's it.
- What's it?Copy !req
59. Don't you see? This time of year
we should be bringing ChristmasCopy !req
60. to the less-fortunates. Follow me.Copy !req
61. You guys, come on, right now!Copy !req
62. All right, here to light the Christmas tree
is a very special young manCopy !req
63. who shows us all
the true meaning of Christmas,Copy !req
64. Jimmy.Copy !req
65. Wow, what a terrific audience.Copy !req
66. Thank you for giving me
this great honour, Mayor.Copy !req
67. Before I light the tree,Copy !req
68. I was wondering if I could sing my
favourite Christmas song, real quick?Copy !req
69. Well, we'd love a Christmas song,
wouldn't we, folks?Copy !req
70. Christmas song, Christmas song.Copy !req
71. All right, here it goes.Copy !req
72. On the first day ofCopy !req
73. Christmas myCopy !req
74. True loveCopy !req
75. Gave toCopy !req
76. MeCopy !req
77. Oh, no.Copy !req
78. And here are some old toys
that I don't need any more.Copy !req
79. And here,
here are some Christmas cookies.Copy !req
80. And some holly and mistletoe.Copy !req
81. This will be the happiest Christmas
the Middle East has ever seen.Copy !req
82. Guys, get those lights down
from the door.Copy !req
83. We'll give them to the needy Iraqis, too.Copy !req
84. Cartman, why are you doing this?Copy !req
85. They don't have Christmas there, guys.
We have to give it to them.Copy !req
86. That's a retarded idea that won't work.
Why are you really doing this?Copy !req
87. Howdy ho!Copy !req
88. Mr. Hankey.Copy !req
89. I hate that stupid Christmas Poo.Copy !req
90. Hello, Mr. Hankey.
A merry Christmas to you.Copy !req
91. Gee whiz, things sure look Christmassy
out here. What're you boys doing?Copy !req
92. Cartman's trying to bring
Christmas to Iraq.Copy !req
93. The people of Iraq deserve a
good Christmas just like everyone else.Copy !req
94. Well, gosh, Eric, looks like you
really have the Christmas spirit.Copy !req
95. I know someone who can help!
Santa Claus.Copy !req
96. - Really?
- Really?Copy !req
97. Sure. We should take this stuff
to him right away.Copy !req
98. But how are we going to get
to the North Pole?Copy !req
99. Oh, that's no problem,
we just need a little Christmas magic.Copy !req
100. All aboard the Poo-Choo Express.Copy !req
101. Wow!Copy !req
102. - That smells.
- Yeah.Copy !req
103. - Next stop, the North Pole.
- Get the rest of the stuff, you guys.Copy !req
104. - I don't really want to get on that.
- Me neither.Copy !req
105. You guys, we have to bring
Christmas to those less-fortunates.Copy !req
106. - Now come on.
- Let's go, Poo-Choo train.Copy !req
107. Poo-Choo train's laying down
its tracks with a...Copy !req
108. All the way and backCopy !req
109. Poo-Poo train is my favourite thingCopy !req
110. Spreading Christmas joy
as we ride and singCopy !req
111. Dude, what the hell has
gotten into Cartman?Copy !req
112. I don't know.Copy !req
113. Christmas time wouldn't be the sameCopy !req
114. Without hugs and kisses
and a Poo-Choo trainCopy !req
115. And a partridge in aCopy !req
116. PearCopy !req
117. TreeCopy !req
118. On the third day of...Copy !req
119. Here we are, kids, the North Pole.Copy !req
120. - Finally.
- God, it took forever.Copy !req
121. - Wow, is that where Santa lives?
- That's it.Copy !req
122. Santa's Fortress of Solitude.Copy !req
123. - Mr. Hankey.
- We need to see Santa right awayCopy !req
124. - On urgent Christmas business.
- Sure thing.Copy !req
125. Hey, aren't you guys
the Underpants Gnomes?Copy !req
126. Ten months out of the year,
but this time of year we help Santa.Copy !req
127. Here he is.Copy !req
128. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
129. - Wow!
- Wow!Copy !req
130. Howdy ho, Santa.Copy !req
131. - Mr. Hankey, how are you?
- All ready for Christmas?Copy !req
132. I was just starting to look over
the new naughty-and-nice listCopy !req
133. the gnomes prepared for me.Copy !req
134. Are the tabulations all closed off, then?Copy !req
135. No, they keep it open until
midnight of Christmas Eve.Copy !req
136. Some kids actually try to cram in
a lot of niceness right at the end.Copy !req
137. That's so lame of them.Copy !req
138. Santa, my friends are trying to do
something very special this Christmas.Copy !req
139. - Tell him, Eric.
- Well, Santa, it's just thatCopy !req
140. I was thinking about
all the people in IraqCopy !req
141. who are afraid that we might bomb them
and I just thought,Copy !req
142. well, maybe it wouldn't hurt
to send themCopy !req
143. a little bit of our
Christmas spirit as well.Copy !req
144. You know, you're right.Copy !req
145. Santa hasn't been to
that part of the world in a long time.Copy !req
146. Perhaps Santa could bring peace
to this whole situation.Copy !req
147. That's what I thought.Copy !req
148. Gnomes, load up the sleigh with toys.
Santa's going to make a special run.Copy !req
149. All right!Copy !req
150. And you boys can all watch me
from our flight control room.Copy !req
151. And a partridge in a pear treeCopy !req
152. On the fourth day of ChristmasCopy !req
153. My true love gave to meCopy !req
154. This is Santa's flight control centre.Copy !req
155. From here,
we can monitor Santa from satelliteCopy !req
156. as he travels the globe
delivering presents.Copy !req
157. Wow, cool!Copy !req
158. Hey, it looks like Santa's already
made it to Baghdad.Copy !req
159. Merry Christmas, everyone.Copy !req
160. A merry Christmas to all.Copy !req
161. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
162. I'm hit, I'm hit!Copy !req
163. Sleigh is hit. I repeat, sleigh is hit.Copy !req
164. Instrument failure at 0600 feet.Copy !req
165. The sleigh is going down.Copy !req
166. Sleigh is going down.
I repeat, sleigh is going down!Copy !req
167. Hang on, Santa.Copy !req
168. Sleigh 1 is going down,
he is going down.Copy !req
169. Grab all the ground troops
and standby for deployment.Copy !req
170. 01 down, 01 down. Repeat, 01 down.Copy !req
171. We got a Red Sleigh down,
we got a Red Sleigh down.Copy !req
172. Red Sleigh 1, this is North Pole.Copy !req
173. Red Sleigh 1, this is North Pole.Copy !req
174. Mr. Kringle?Copy !req
175. Jesus Christ, they killed him!Copy !req
176. No, Santa Claus can't be dead, he can't.Copy !req
177. Why would Iraqis do that? Why?Copy !req
178. It certainly doesn't seem
very Christmassy of them.Copy !req
179. North Pole, this is Santa.Copy !req
180. - Santa, are you all right?
- What is your status?Copy !req
181. Sleigh is down, reindeer all dead.Copy !req
182. Both Santa's legs are broken.Copy !req
183. Santa's very sad.Copy !req
184. Santa will have to...
Oh, no. They're coming for me.Copy !req
185. Stay back, you bastards! Stay back!Copy !req
186. - Oh, no.
- Well, what are you gnomesCopy !req
187. sitting there for?
You have to go rescue him!Copy !req
188. What the hell are we supposed to do?
We're, like, nine inches tall.Copy !req
189. But now I'm never gonna get my
Haibo robot doll.Copy !req
190. Is that what this is all about?Copy !req
191. You came up with this whole
idea so you could get a stupid toy?Copy !req
192. It's not stupid,
it's a toy that you can starve.Copy !req
193. If you don't feed it, it dies. It's so cool.Copy !req
194. Well, good going, asshole.
Thanks to you,Copy !req
195. there's not gonna be any Christmas,
and there's no one left to help us.Copy !req
196. Oh, Christ.Copy !req
197. - Jesus.
- Jesus.Copy !req
198. Hey, that's right,
Jesus can save anybody.Copy !req
199. Follow me.
You can take Santa's backup sleigh.Copy !req
200. On the fifth day of ChristmasCopy !req
201. My true love gave to meCopy !req
202. Five golden ringsCopy !req
203. Four calling...Copy !req
204. We fed Jesus Christ's data
into the autopilot.Copy !req
205. The sleigh should be able to
take you right to him.Copy !req
206. I hope so, or else
Santa Claus is as good as dead.Copy !req
207. Here it is, Red Sleigh 2.Copy !req
208. Come on, gang,
it's up to us to save Christmas.Copy !req
209. Tell Santa's workers
to keep making toys.Copy !req
210. We'll have Santa back in no time.Copy !req
211. How do we start this thing?Copy !req
212. You just have to call out
the reindeer's names.Copy !req
213. Oh, yeah.
On Dasher, on Prancer, on Comet...Copy !req
214. No, no, they're all dead.
You have to call out the new ones.Copy !req
215. On Steven, on Fluffy,
on Horace and Chantel.Copy !req
216. On Skippy and Rainbow,
and Patches and Montel.Copy !req
217. Good luck finding Jesus.Copy !req
218. Wow, look, you guys,
we're riding in Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
219. We should be able to find Jesus
in no time.Copy !req
220. I'm riding in Santa's sleighCopy !req
221. So high above the trees
at Christmas timeCopy !req
222. With candy cane wishes and smilesCopy !req
223. What're you doing?Copy !req
224. I'm having a precious Christmastime
moment, Kyle, if you don't mind.Copy !req
225. Singing a Christmas song isn't gonna
get you nice deductions, Cartman.Copy !req
226. Don't forget it's because of youCopy !req
227. that Santa's sleigh got shot down.Copy !req
228. It isn't my fault that Iraqis
are filled with hate.Copy !req
229. All I'm saying is, it's going to take
a lot of singing to make up for that.Copy !req
230. Christmas magic time on Santa's sleigh
so high in the skyCopy !req
231. Candy cane, children's smiles...Copy !req
232. Six geese a-layingCopy !req
233. Five golden ringsCopy !req
234. Four calling birdsCopy !req
235. Where are you taking me?Copy !req
236. You are all being very naughty.Copy !req
237. Why you come to Iraq, my main man?Copy !req
238. To bring happiness and
joy to the children.Copy !req
239. And this is...
This is what you think brings happy?Copy !req
240. This is material. This is commercialism.Copy !req
241. Your country is sick. Sick.Copy !req
242. No, your country has just lost
all its Christmas spirit.Copy !req
243. What's going on here?Copy !req
244. America wants to bomb my house,
my main man.Copy !req
245. They want to kill my wife and children.
We need to know, what is their plan?Copy !req
246. I don't know, I live in the North Pole.Copy !req
247. What're you doing?Copy !req
248. They say that the Chinese
were the first to experimentCopy !req
249. with electroshock to the testicles.Copy !req
250. Oh, no, not Santa's balls.Copy !req
251. What else is America planning?Copy !req
252. I'm gonna... kill you!Copy !req
253. You're not in a position
to kill anyone, my main man.Copy !req
254. I just want you to
tell me America's plan.Copy !req
255. Then we're in for a long night,
because I don't know...Copy !req
256. Howdy ho!Copy !req
257. - Jesus.
- Stan, Kyle,Copy !req
258. Mr. Hankey and Eric Cartman.Copy !req
259. What're you doing here, my children?Copy !req
260. Jesus,
Santa's sleigh was shot down over Iraq.Copy !req
261. Santa? Is he all right?Copy !req
262. We don't know.
They lost all contact with him.Copy !req
263. We have to get him out of there.Copy !req
264. - Do you know a way?
- Yes. Yes, I think I do.Copy !req
265. We need a little Christmas miracle.Copy !req
266. Lock and load, we're going in.Copy !req
267. On the seventh day of ChristmasCopy !req
268. My true love...Copy !req
269. You, you're a sick capitalist dog,
my main man.Copy !req
270. This is Baghdad? God, what a... hole.Copy !req
271. I mean, wow,
these poor unfortunate people.Copy !req
272. - Red Sleigh 2, come in.
- We're here.Copy !req
273. You're coming up
on the source of the signal.Copy !req
274. You're right on top of him.Copy !req
275. He must be in that building below us.
Land it on the roof, Mr. Hankey.Copy !req
276. Howdy ho, Jesus.Copy !req
277. Wait here, I can handle this.Copy !req
278. Yea, look upon me and know me.Copy !req
279. My children,
you should know something.Copy !req
280. I'm packing.Copy !req
281. Let's go!Copy !req
282. This is such a magical Christmas
adventure, you guys.Copy !req
283. On the eleventh day of ChristmasCopy !req
284. My true love gave to meCopy !req
285. Eleven pipers pipingCopy !req
286. Drink it. Drink the oil.
This is all you Western capitalists want.Copy !req
287. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
288. Thank... Thank God for you, Jesus.Copy !req
289. - Here. Can you walk?
- Santa's legs are broken.Copy !req
290. They are healed.Copy !req
291. Santa...Copy !req
292. I just couldn't do it.Copy !req
293. I just couldn't let him live.
He shocked Santa's balls.Copy !req
294. - More soldiers are coming.
- Let's move. Move!Copy !req
295. Eight maids a-milkingCopy !req
296. Get up the stairs.
The sleigh is on the roof.Copy !req
297. Jesus, behind you.Copy !req
298. - Jesus!
- Jesus!Copy !req
299. Jesus? Jesus?Copy !req
300. Don't worry, Jesus, it's nothing.
It's just a scratch.Copy !req
301. You're a bad liar.Copy !req
302. Hey, but we sure gave them
one hell of a fight, huh?Copy !req
303. We sure did, Jesus.Copy !req
304. Dude, this is pretty... up, right here.Copy !req
305. - Santa...
- I'm here, Jesus.Copy !req
306. Don't ever let them take away
our Christmas spirit.Copy !req
307. - Oh, my God, Iraqis killed Jesus.
- You bastards!Copy !req
308. Come on, kids!Copy !req
309. Get to the sleigh, get to the sleigh!Copy !req
310. Start the sleigh.Copy !req
311. On Steven, on Fluffy,
on Horace and Chantel.Copy !req
312. On Skippy and Rainbow,
and Patches and Montel.Copy !req
313. Look at me
I'm riding high in Santa's sleighCopy !req
314. It's a Christmas special time for me...Copy !req
315. Shut up, Cartman, your sweet
Christmas act isn't fooling anybody.Copy !req
316. It's not an act, Kyle.Copy !req
317. All I wanted was for these people to
understand what Christmas means.Copy !req
318. You're right, kid.Copy !req
319. - What're you doing, Santa?
- I came to bring Christmas to IraqCopy !req
320. and by God, I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
321. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
322. RPG, four o'clock.Copy !req
323. Boy, things sure are starting to
look Christmassy now.Copy !req
324. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
325. Merry Christmas to all.
And to all a good night.Copy !req
326. And a partridge in aCopy !req
327. pear treeCopy !req
328. That's it?Copy !req
329. That's it, the song's over,
we can light the tree.Copy !req
330. - Finally!
- Go on, Jimmy,Copy !req
331. there's only five more seconds
until Christmas.Copy !req
332. Christmas is ruined again.Copy !req
333. - Wow!
- Wow!Copy !req
334. Stan.Copy !req
335. - Kyle.
- Mom, Dad, we rode in Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
336. We brought Christmas to Iraq.Copy !req
337. Everyone. Everyone,
can I please have your attention?Copy !req
338. Christmas is a very special time
of year,Copy !req
339. but this year it almost didn't happen.Copy !req
340. There's a man named Jesus
who gave his life to save me.Copy !req
341. And so I declare that every year
on Christmas Day,Copy !req
342. we should remember Jesus
for what he did and thank him for it.Copy !req
343. From now on, Christmas will be
a day for rememberingCopy !req
344. a brave man named Jesus.Copy !req
345. Now, if you'll all excuse me,
I've got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
346. I'll help you, Santa.Copy !req
347. Oh, and boys, you might want to
check under the Christmas tree.Copy !req
348. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
349. Wow, look, you guys!
Santa got us all Haibo dolls.Copy !req
350. God damn it!Copy !req
351. Cartman, I thought all you wanted
was a Haibo doll.Copy !req
352. Yeah, but not if you guys have one, too.
Now it's worthless and gay.Copy !req
353. God damn it,
I'll never try to be nice again!Copy !req
354. Well, all in all, I have to say this was
a pretty special Christmas.Copy !req
355. - Oh, hey, Kenny.
- Dude, where have you been?Copy !req
356. Well, come on,
we gotta tell you what happened.Copy !req
357. I'm sure glad it's over with.Copy !req
358. Yeah, but I feel like things
are finally back to normal.Copy !req