1. - All right, I'm done.
- You're done?Copy !req
2. Yes, I've tallied up all the times
you've been naughtyCopy !req
3. and deducted the times
you've been nice.Copy !req
4. Yeah, so how does it look?Copy !req
5. It doesn't look good, Eric,
it doesn't look good.Copy !req
6. But I'll still be getting presents
this year, right?Copy !req
7. Actually, it looks like this year
you're gonna owe Santa 306 presents.Copy !req
8. - What?
- 4,312 instances of being naughtyCopy !req
9. against three deductions of being nice.
It's just bad.Copy !req
10. Three?
You didn't deduct all my nice invoices.Copy !req
11. Look, what about this one?Copy !req
12. Yes, well, I didn't think "Hitting Clyde
in the balls with slingshot"Copy !req
13. really counted as nice.Copy !req
14. It was nice for Token.
He laughed for, like, 20 minutes.Copy !req
15. You can't deduct things like that, Eric.Copy !req
16. Santa will know and then
he'll come after you.Copy !req
17. God damn it, I have to get that
Haibo robot doll, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
18. Hey, I'm just
your naughty-or-nice accountant.Copy !req
19. Don't blame me for the numbers.Copy !req
20. Haven't you seen the Haibo doll?
It's like a pet, a robot pet.Copy !req
21. You have to feed it and pet it or else
it dies, and it's the coolest thing ever.Copy !req
22. Santa has to bring me one.Copy !req
23. Well, look, aren't there any other
nice things you've doneCopy !req
24. recently we can write off here?Copy !req
25. I brushed my teeth last night.Copy !req
26. Brushing your teeth isn't
naughty or nice, Eric.Copy !req
27. It just falls more into the category of
"Brushing Your Teeth."Copy !req
28. Well, there's still time before
Christmas. Can't I still make up for it?Copy !req
29. If you cured cancer and AIDS next week,Copy !req
30. you would still owe two presents.Copy !req
31. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
32. I'm afraid you're going
to have to find a way to doCopy !req
33. the nicest, greatest thing
anyone has ever done. Ever.Copy !req
34. Good evening, everyone.Copy !req
35. In a moment, we'll be lighting
the South Park Christmas treeCopy !req
36. to kick off the holidays.Copy !req
37. Christmas tree, Christmas tree.Copy !req
38. Hi, guys. A very merry Christmas to you.
God bless us, everyone.Copy !req
39. What're you doing, Cartman?Copy !req
40. I'm just letting you guys know
how special you are to me.Copy !req
41. But now, before we light the tree, I think
we should all reflect for a momentCopy !req
42. on those who are less fortunate than us.Copy !req
43. Right now in Iraq,
there are children who fear usCopy !req
44. and what we might do to their country.Copy !req
45. The threat of war touches us all,
but over in Iraq, there is no Christmas.Copy !req
46. They have nothing.Copy !req
47. I hate when the Mayor uses Christmas
for her own political agenda.Copy !req
48. Light the damn tree!Copy !req
49. Yeah! Christmas tree, Christmas tree!Copy !req
50. - Oh, my God, that's it.
- What's it?Copy !req
51. Don't you see? This time of year
we should be bringing ChristmasCopy !req
52. to the less-fortunates. Follow me.Copy !req
53. You guys, come on, right now!Copy !req
54. All right, here to light the Christmas tree
is a very special young manCopy !req
55. who shows us all
the true meaning of Christmas,Copy !req
56. Jimmy.Copy !req
57. Wow, what a terrific audience.Copy !req
58. Thank you for giving me
this great honour, Mayor.Copy !req
59. Before I light the tree,Copy !req
60. I was wondering if I could sing my
favourite Christmas song, real quick?Copy !req
61. Well, we'd love a Christmas song,
wouldn't we, folks?Copy !req
62. Christmas song, Christmas song.Copy !req
63. All right, here it goes.Copy !req
64. On the first day ofCopy !req
65. Christmas myCopy !req
66. True loveCopy !req
67. Gave toCopy !req
68. MeCopy !req
69. Oh, no.Copy !req
70. And here are some old toys
that I don't need any more.Copy !req
71. And here,
here are some Christmas cookies.Copy !req
72. And some holly and mistletoe.Copy !req
73. This will be the happiest Christmas
the Middle East has ever seen.Copy !req
74. Guys, get those lights down
from the door.Copy !req
75. We'll give them to the needy Iraqis, too.Copy !req
76. Cartman, why are you doing this?Copy !req
77. They don't have Christmas there, guys.
We have to give it to them.Copy !req
78. That's a retarded idea that won't work.
Why are you really doing this?Copy !req
79. Howdy ho!Copy !req
80. Mr. Hankey.Copy !req
81. I hate that stupid Christmas Poo.Copy !req
82. Hello, Mr. Hankey.
A merry Christmas to you.Copy !req
83. Gee whiz, things sure look Christmassy
out here. What're you boys doing?Copy !req
84. Cartman's trying to bring
Christmas to Iraq.Copy !req
85. The people of Iraq deserve a
good Christmas just like everyone else.Copy !req
86. Well, gosh, Eric, looks like you
really have the Christmas spirit.Copy !req
87. I know someone who can help!
Santa Claus.Copy !req
88. - Really?
- Really?Copy !req
89. Sure. We should take this stuff
to him right away.Copy !req
90. But how are we going to get
to the North Pole?Copy !req
91. Oh, that's no problem,
we just need a little Christmas magic.Copy !req
92. All aboard the Poo-Choo Express.Copy !req
93. Wow!Copy !req
94. - That smells.
- Yeah.Copy !req
95. - Next stop, the North Pole.
- Get the rest of the stuff, you guys.Copy !req
96. - I don't really want to get on that.
- Me neither.Copy !req
97. You guys, we have to bring
Christmas to those less-fortunates.Copy !req
98. - Now come on.
- Let's go, Poo-Choo train.Copy !req
99. Poo-Choo train's laying down
its tracks with a...Copy !req
100. All the way and backCopy !req
101. Poo-Poo train is my favourite thingCopy !req
102. Spreading Christmas joy
as we ride and singCopy !req
103. Dude, what the hell has
gotten into Cartman?Copy !req
104. I don't know.Copy !req
105. Christmas time wouldn't be the sameCopy !req
106. Without hugs and kisses
and a Poo-Choo trainCopy !req
107. And a partridge in aCopy !req
108. PearCopy !req
109. TreeCopy !req
110. On the third day of...Copy !req
111. Here we are, kids, the North Pole.Copy !req
112. - Finally.
- God, it took forever.Copy !req
113. - Wow, is that where Santa lives?
- That's it.Copy !req
114. Santa's Fortress of Solitude.Copy !req
115. - Mr. Hankey.
- We need to see Santa right awayCopy !req
116. - on urgent Christmas business.
- Sure thing.Copy !req
117. Hey, aren't you guys
the Underpants Gnomes?Copy !req
118. Ten months out of the year,
but this time of year we help Santa.Copy !req
119. Here he is.Copy !req
120. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
121. - Wow!
- Wow!Copy !req
122. Howdy ho, Santa.Copy !req
123. - Mr. Hankey, how are you?
- All ready for Christmas?Copy !req
124. I was just starting to look over
the new naughty-and-nice listCopy !req
125. the gnomes prepared for me.Copy !req
126. Are the tabulations all closed off, then?Copy !req
127. No, they keep it open until
midnight of Christmas Eve.Copy !req
128. Some kids actually try to cram in
a lot of niceness right at the end.Copy !req
129. That's so lame of them.Copy !req
130. Santa, my friends are trying to do
something very special this Christmas.Copy !req
131. - Tell him, Eric.
- Well, Santa, it's just thatCopy !req
132. I was thinking about
all the people in IraqCopy !req
133. who are afraid that we might bomb them
and I just thought,Copy !req
134. well, maybe it wouldn't hurt
to send themCopy !req
135. a little bit of our
Christmas spirit as well.Copy !req
136. You know, you're right.Copy !req
137. Santa hasn't been to
that part of the world in a long time.Copy !req
138. Perhaps Santa could bring peace
to this whole situation.Copy !req
139. That's what I thought.Copy !req
140. Gnomes, load up the sleigh with toys.
Santa's going to make a special run.Copy !req
141. All right!Copy !req
142. And you boys can all watch me
from our flight control room.Copy !req
143. And a partridge in a pear treeCopy !req
144. On the fourth day of ChristmasCopy !req
145. My true love gave to meCopy !req
146. This is Santa's flight control centre.Copy !req
147. From here,
we can monitor Santa from satelliteCopy !req
148. as he travels the globe
delivering presents.Copy !req
149. Wow, cool!Copy !req
150. Hey, it looks like Santa's already
made it to Baghdad.Copy !req
151. Merry Christmas, everyone.Copy !req
152. A merry Christmas to all.Copy !req
153. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
154. I'm hit, I'm hit!Copy !req
155. Sleigh is hit. I repeat, sleigh is hit.Copy !req
156. Instrument failure at 0600 feet.Copy !req
157. The sleigh is going down.Copy !req
158. Sleigh is going down.
I repeat, sleigh is going down!Copy !req
159. Hang on, Santa.Copy !req
160. Sleigh 1 is going down,
he is going down.Copy !req
161. Grab all the ground troops
and standby for deployment.Copy !req
162. 01 down, 01 down. Repeat, 01 down.Copy !req
163. We got a Red Sleigh down,
we got a Red Sleigh down.Copy !req
164. Red Sleigh 1, this is North Pole.Copy !req
165. Red Sleigh 1, this is North Pole.Copy !req
166. Mr. Kringle?Copy !req
167. Jesus Christ, they killed him!Copy !req
168. No, Santa Claus can't be dead, he can't.Copy !req
169. Why would Iraqis do that? Why?Copy !req
170. It certainly doesn't seem
very Christmassy of them.Copy !req
171. North Pole, this is Santa.Copy !req
172. - Santa, are you all right?
- What is your status?Copy !req
173. Sleigh is down, reindeer all dead.Copy !req
174. Both Santa's legs are broken.Copy !req
175. Santa's very sad.Copy !req
176. Santa will have to...
Oh, no. They're coming for me.Copy !req
177. Stay back, you bastards! Stay back!Copy !req
178. - Oh, no.
- Well, what are you gnomesCopy !req
179. sitting there for?
You have to go rescue him!Copy !req
180. What the hell are we supposed to do?
We're, like, nine inches tall.Copy !req
181. But now I'm never gonna get my
Haibo robot doll.Copy !req
182. Is that what this is all about?Copy !req
183. You came up with this whole
idea so you could get a stupid toy?Copy !req
184. It's not stupid,
it's a toy that you can starve.Copy !req
185. If you don't feed it, it dies. It's so cool.Copy !req
186. Well, good going, asshole.
Thanks to you,Copy !req
187. there's not gonna be any Christmas,
and there's no one left to help us.Copy !req
188. Oh, Christ.Copy !req
189. - Jesus.
- Jesus.Copy !req
190. Hey, that's right,
Jesus can save anybody.Copy !req
191. Follow me.
You can take Santa's backup sleigh.Copy !req
192. On the fifth day of ChristmasCopy !req
193. My true love gave to meCopy !req
194. Five golden ringsCopy !req
195. Four calling...Copy !req
196. We fed Jesus Christ's data
into the autopilot.Copy !req
197. The sleigh should be able to
take you right to him.Copy !req
198. I hope so, or else
Santa Claus is as good as dead.Copy !req
199. Here it is, Red Sleigh 2.Copy !req
200. Come on, gang,
it's up to us to save Christmas.Copy !req
201. Tell Santa's workers
to keep making toys.Copy !req
202. We'll have Santa back in no time.Copy !req
203. How do we start this thing?Copy !req
204. You just have to call out
the reindeer's names.Copy !req
205. Oh, yeah.
On Dasher, on Prancer, on Comet...Copy !req
206. No, no, they're all dead.
You have to call out the new ones.Copy !req
207. On Steven, on Fluffy,
on Horace and Chantel.Copy !req
208. On Skippy and Rainbow,
and Patches and Montel.Copy !req
209. Good luck finding Jesus.Copy !req
210. Wow, look, you guys,
we're riding in Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
211. We should be able to find Jesus
in no time.Copy !req
212. I'm riding in Santa's sleighCopy !req
213. So high above the trees
at Christmas timeCopy !req
214. With candy cane wishes and smilesCopy !req
215. What're you doing?Copy !req
216. I'm having a precious Christmastime
moment, Kyle, if you don't mind.Copy !req
217. Singing a Christmas song isn't gonna
get you nice deductions, Cartman.Copy !req
218. Don't forget it's because of youCopy !req
219. that Santa's sleigh got shot down.Copy !req
220. It isn't my fault that Iraqis
are filled with hate.Copy !req
221. All I'm saying is, it's going to take
a lot of singing to make up for that.Copy !req
222. Christmas magic time on Santa's sleigh
so high in the skyCopy !req
223. Candy cane, children's smiles...Copy !req
224. Six geese a-layingCopy !req
225. Five golden ringsCopy !req
226. Four calling birdsCopy !req
227. Where are you taking me?Copy !req
228. You are all being very naughty.Copy !req
229. Why you come to Iraq, my main man?Copy !req
230. To bring happiness and
joy to the children.Copy !req
231. And this is...
This is what you think brings happy?Copy !req
232. This is material. This is commercialism.Copy !req
233. Your country is sick. Sick.Copy !req
234. No, your country has just lost
all its Christmas spirit.Copy !req
235. What's going on here?Copy !req
236. America wants to bomb my house,
my main man.Copy !req
237. They want to kill my wife and children.
We need to know, what is their plan?Copy !req
238. I don't know, I live in the North Pole.Copy !req
239. What're you doing?Copy !req
240. They say that the Chinese
were the first to experimentCopy !req
241. with electroshock to the testicles.Copy !req
242. Oh, no, not Santa's balls.Copy !req
243. What else is America planning?Copy !req
244. I'm gonna fucking kill you!Copy !req
245. You're not in a position
to kill anyone, my main man.Copy !req
246. I just want you to
tell me America's plan.Copy !req
247. Then we're in for a long night,
because I don't know shit.Copy !req
248. Howdy ho!Copy !req
249. - Jesus.
- Stan, Kyle,Copy !req
250. Mr. Hankey and Eric Cartman.Copy !req
251. What're you doing here, my children?Copy !req
252. Jesus,
Santa's sleigh was shot down over Iraq.Copy !req
253. Santa? Is he all right?Copy !req
254. We don't know.
They lost all contact with him.Copy !req
255. We have to get him out of there.Copy !req
256. - Do you know a way?
- Yes. Yes, I think I do.Copy !req
257. We need a little Christmas miracle.Copy !req
258. Lock and load, we're going in.Copy !req
259. On the seventh day of ChristmasCopy !req
260. My true love...Copy !req
261. You, you're a sick capitalist dog,
my main man.Copy !req
262. This is Baghdad? God, what a shithole.Copy !req
263. I mean, wow,
these poor unfortunate people.Copy !req
264. - Red Sleigh 2, come in.
- We're here.Copy !req
265. You're coming up
on the source of the signal.Copy !req
266. You're right on top of him.Copy !req
267. He must be in that building below us.
Land it on the roof, Mr. Hankey.Copy !req
268. Howdy ho, Jesus.Copy !req
269. Wait here, I can handle this.Copy !req
270. Yea, look upon me and know me.Copy !req
271. My children,
you should know something.Copy !req
272. I'm packing.Copy !req
273. Let's go!Copy !req
274. This is such a magical Christmas
adventure, you guys.Copy !req
275. On the eleventh day of ChristmasCopy !req
276. My true love gave to meCopy !req
277. Eleven pipers pipingCopy !req
278. Drink it. Drink the oil.
This is all you Western capitalists want.Copy !req
279. Jesus Christ!Copy !req
280. Thank... Thank God for you, Jesus.Copy !req
281. - Here. Can you walk?
- Santa's legs are broken.Copy !req
282. They are healed.Copy !req
283. Santa...Copy !req
284. I just couldn't do it.Copy !req
285. I just couldn't let him live.
He shocked Santa's balls.Copy !req
286. - More soldiers are coming.
- Let's move. Move!Copy !req
287. Eight maids a-milkingCopy !req
288. Get up the stairs.
The sleigh is on the roof.Copy !req
289. Jesus, behind you.Copy !req
290. - Jesus!
- Jesus!Copy !req
291. Jesus? Jesus?Copy !req
292. Don't worry, Jesus, it's nothing.
It's just a scratch.Copy !req
293. You're a bad liar.Copy !req
294. Hey, but we sure gave them
one hell of a fight, huh?Copy !req
295. We sure did, Jesus.Copy !req
296. Dude, this is pretty fucked up, right here.Copy !req
297. - Santa...
- I'm here, Jesus.Copy !req
298. Don't ever let them take away
our Christmas spirit.Copy !req
299. - Oh, my God, Iraqis killed Jesus.
- You bastards!Copy !req
300. Come on, kids!Copy !req
301. Get to the sleigh, get to the sleigh!Copy !req
302. Start the sleigh.Copy !req
303. On Steven, on Fluffy,
on Horace and Chantel.Copy !req
304. On Skippy and Rainbow,
and Patches and Montel.Copy !req
305. Look at me
I'm riding high in Santa's sleighCopy !req
306. It's a Christmas special time for me...Copy !req
307. Shut up, Cartman, your sweet
Christmas act isn't fooling anybody.Copy !req
308. It's not an act, Kyle.Copy !req
309. All I wanted was for these people to
understand what Christmas means.Copy !req
310. You're right, kid.Copy !req
311. - What're you doing, Santa?
- I came to bring Christmas to IraqCopy !req
312. and by God, I'm gonna do it.Copy !req
313. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
314. RPG, four o'clock.Copy !req
315. Boy, things sure are starting to
look Christmassy now.Copy !req
316. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
317. Merry Christmas to all.
And to all a good night.Copy !req
318. And a partridge in aCopy !req
319. pear treeCopy !req
320. That's it?Copy !req
321. That's it, the song's over,
we can light the tree.Copy !req
322. - Finally!
- Go on, Jimmy,Copy !req
323. there's only five more seconds
until Christmas.Copy !req
324. Christmas is ruined again.Copy !req
325. - Wow!
- Wow!Copy !req
326. Stan.Copy !req
327. - Kyle.
- Mom, Dad, we rode in Santa's sleigh.Copy !req
328. We brought Christmas to Iraq.Copy !req
329. Everyone. Everyone,
can I please have your attention?Copy !req
330. Christmas is a very special time
of year,Copy !req
331. but this year it almost didn't happen.Copy !req
332. There's a man named Jesus
who gave his life to save me.Copy !req
333. And so I declare that every year
on Christmas Day,Copy !req
334. we should remember Jesus
for what he did and thank him for it.Copy !req
335. From now on, Christmas will be
a day for rememberingCopy !req
336. a brave man named Jesus.Copy !req
337. Now, if you'll all excuse me,
I've got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
338. I'll help you, Santa.Copy !req
339. Oh, and boys, you might want to
check under the Christmas tree.Copy !req
340. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
341. Wow, look, you guys!
Santa got us all Haibo dolls.Copy !req
342. God damn it!Copy !req
343. Cartman, I thought all you wanted
was a Haibo doll.Copy !req
344. Yeah, but not if you guys have one, too.
Now it's worthless and gay.Copy !req
345. God damn it,
I'll never try to be nice again!Copy !req
346. Well, all in all, I have to say this was
a pretty special Christmas.Copy !req
347. - Oh, hey, Kenny.
- Dude, where have you been?Copy !req
348. Well, come on,
we gotta tell you what happened.Copy !req
349. I'm sure glad it's over with.Copy !req
350. Yeah, but I feel like things
are finally back to normal.Copy !req